Shower timing, and who is throwing it?

irishfrisky · May 2017

Im only 12 weeks, but people have started asking. Also, with my hobbies, schedules start getting tough in the fall, so I'm trying to think ahead. Do you guys have any idea when you'll be having your shower? I don't want to wait too long and then have no one able to come because bout season is upon us.

Also, who is throwing your shower? I'm not sure how it usually works, and Husbeast and I eloped so I never had wedding showers. Is it family or friends? I'm the first mom with most of my friends, so I'm afraid they won't think of it, but I also don't want to go to my bff and say "hey, you're organizing my shower, right?" My MIL is fairly involved and I love her dearly, but I'd also love to have someone who knows my tastes a little better to organize it. Then again, it's a party in my/Squish's honor, so I'll be happy with whatever I get!

Sigh, the silly things we obsess over, lol!

kaitlinliz · May 2017

I'm 12 weeks also, we're having mine in August. My mom and 2 SILs are teachers and go back to work in Sept and our anniversary is in Sept so I don't want to overdo that month and anything later is too close to due date for me. My 2 best friends and one of the SILs has already started planning. I assume both moms and the other 2 SILs will be involved but IDK.

foxaírt · May 2017

Awe I don't think these really hard fast rules on it .
I won't have one but I didn't have a kitchen tea either (moved overseas 1 week after wedding) kinda had a hens but was like just family mil sils couple friends sis and mum maybe was about 10 ppl and we just went out to dinner so not really a 'do'

Not really our families style tho
This is also our first but defiantly not the first grandkid also there's only one person from that same close group of family women who hasn't got kids and she is due with her first in sep . Making us lol the last of the generation to hatch
With the exception of 1 older cousin of my husband's who didn't have any (she's now 52)

It's a little bit um been there for everyone so seems silly for us to make it a big issue .
I also hate attention
Telling family tomorrow and freaking out about it ... 14w+4

safinn21 · May 2017

My mom is throwing me a shower and it will be early July. It's very early because we're planning on moving this summer and any dates after early july are too iffy. Personally, I could have done without a shower but she's insisting and that's fine. We compromised and it's going to be very casual (at a brewery - the guest might as well have fun!).

TeacherMama7 · May 2017

This is my second so we won't have a shower, but for my first we had some. I know here in Ohio usually people have one bigger shower, but in my family or in Minnesota we have several smaller showers. So, my sister threw me a shower for all of my Minnesota friends, my mom threw me one in Illinois for all of my family, my MIL threw me one in Ohio (where I live) for all of her family and friends, my FIL's girlfriend threw me another one in a Ohio for his side of the family, and my school did another casual one at school. It seems like a lot, but a couple of them were just small casual showers. They all approached me and asked to throw them. As far as when, it's just whatever you felt comfortable with. I was due in June and most of my showers were in April and May. Don't leave it up until right before you're due in case you come early!

NYTino24 · May 2017

Not sure when, but my twin already threw ideas at me for one. I'm sure she will coordinate with DH's side of the family once we tell them tomorrow. She lives 4 hours away, so she asked me for input with the location for my wedding shower and I expect the same for this one. (She and the SILs were going to do it super close to our wedding, but I asked them to do it earlier since some of my friends would also be traveling a few hours to attend. I didn't want them to drive up for a shower, bachelorette party, and wedding within a few weeks of each other.) She wanted to do a neon yellow and red softball / baseball theme for the wedding since that's how we met and I asked her to tone it down to a more neutral theme that matched the wedding. It turned out nice. She's probably thinking a teacher and firefighter theme, but I'm going to ask for a rainbow / adventure theme since that's how we are thinking of this baby and it's nursery. We are both teachers, so I'm not sure when it will be. August would be nice, but it's kind of early. I guess I'll leave that up to her.

ShePersisted · May 2017

As far as I see it a shower is a gift someone gives so I would not ask or expect anyone to throw me one if they don't ask voluntarily. I did not get a shower with my first as my closest friends and family don't live in the same city so perhaps they all were expecting someone else to throw it. I of course don't think anyone will ask to throw a shower with the second and that is just fine. I doubt I'll get one as my friends still don't live in the same city and I think it's awkward to get a shower for the second baby. Frankly I'm perfectly fine as I hate being the center of attention.

DuchessOfCambridge · May 2017

A close friend is throwing me a local one in late August - a little early but it works best with all the weddings. I'm giving MIL the option of planning a family shower but if she's not into it, DHs cousin and his wife will throw us one early September so it's still all MILs family and she gets that special grandma attention.

bcashaw · May 2017

My mom and aunt are throwing me one at DH restaurant in early September. I have requested that they include my MIL as well because DH siblings didn't include her in any of their things of their kids and I think this will be her last grandchild. She can be frustrating but my mom and aunt have lots of patience and will not take her shit which is great.
They are including me in any input I want to give, but I'm not feeling like I have to do anything which is nice I'll probably have about 70 or 80 because simply because DH has a huge family and we are obligated to invite basically everyone.
We are have a mad hatter Alice in Wonderland tea party theme and I think it will be a lot of fun, and we will pull off the balance of wacky and classy.
I am just torn about what to do with a registry because I have a lot of stuff already, and would probably prefer to get to do the buying of most things but worry that it's off taste to just straight up as for money. Most of my family will make things for baby, but his generally like to give money so I'm probably stressing for no reason.

bklynchica · May 2017

Ours will be in mid August at my parents house. All friends and kids will be invited (not just girl friends), and we'll bbq. No theme. I'll provide my mom with the guest list so she can send out invites. Super simple. Honestly, we really need the gifts.

Tourmalily · May 2017

I really have no idea. I haven't asked anyone to throw one for me and no one has said anything, soooooooooooo idk

c+mpeachey · May 2017

I've got this nasty feeling that I'm not having one. And i don't kniw what to do about it. My mum had never thrown one for me as she's always lived overseas. But now she's back.... but its not really the done thing in her mind. I don't have sisters. Or alot of close friends. My SIL live hours away and we aren't overtly close..... only been married to their brother for 6 months.

Irs not really a big thing..... just going to have to live vicariously through you girls

DuchessOfCambridge · May 2017

@c+mpeachey would you feel comfortable asking her? The way I brought it up to my mom was "do you want to have a shower or a "christening" party?" Maybe just asking her what her thoughts are on timing or something would help? I know our moms are different haha but my mom took it really well and was all excited I brought it up.

kwaldy · May 2017

With my first (also a November baby) my mom and two best friends threw a shower in August. That way I wasn't so pregnant that I'd be miserable.

bcashaw · May 2017

@c+mpeachey maybe you should throw your own celebration of the baby party. And be like " I'm so happy that we can get our family together for this" kind of thing? I dunno. If you want one you should get one.

asamapmaker · May 2017

This is baby 2 but different gender and 5 years after #1 and I do not expect a "sprinkle" except that the ladies at work will probably throw something in the conference room. Last time they surprised me and I walked in with pen and books ready to take meeting notes.

MaximumEffort · May 2017

My MIL told me that I better have a baby shower. The time between engagement to wedding wasn't very long so a proper bridal shower didn't occur. I had one for DD 6 years ago and since she wasn't a planned pregnancy and I was single it wasn't a much to do (though very very appreciated) I think my mom and MIL will try to have one for us.

jess0211 · May 2017

My Mom is planning one in my hometown labor day weekend and then my bffs and sister are planning one where I live in October.

c+mpeachey · May 2017

@DuchessOfCambridge @bcashaw good ideas. Im not really a baby shower kind of person anyhow ... my mum certainly isn't. I am thinking of maybe doing a "last adults only dinner" instead. No gifts etc. Just a few couples that we are close to, going out for a nice meal at a slightly fancy restaurant. Cause it'll probably be a while till we can go out like that again.

zigzag8412 · May 2017

I agree with PPs. If you want one, I think you should definitely have one and not feel too bad about asking a really close friend or family member if they'd be willing. But with that in mind, it is it's own kind of a gift and is also pretty early to be concerned about at 12 weeks. I'm not sure when you announced, but most people are probably still getting use to the idea of you being pregnant so I would give it some time and start showing/find out gender before you start worrying about if someone will offer to throw one. I've always heard "early third trimester" is the "proper" time to throw a baby shower. So mom has a cute bump but isn't miserable and still has time to unpack, wash, and/or return gifts.

Sidebar: A really good friend of my husband's that I work with is definitely a gifts person and just brought me in a baby gift this morning. It threw me so off balance. I wasn't sure if the etiquette was to open it or to wait. Knowing she's a gifts person, I opened it and it's a baby swing which seems sweet and extravagant until you realize it's not from our registry and actually one of the ones I intentionally *didn't* get because it only operates on batteries. I also feel awkward because she'll be invited to at least two of our showers (work and family/friend/church). I know I probably shouldn't feel to bad, but I'm probably going to return it because I researched what kind of equipment I want my child in and that wasn't on the "ok" list. Should I have opened it? Should I have waited? Am I a terrible person for wanting to return it?

kissthesky32 · May 2017

@zigzag8412 Totally return it and do not feel bad at all! I had so, so much money on store credit because of all of the gifts I returned to BRU and Target. Use that money to get stuff you actually want and will actually use. I would still be kind and thankful - write a note, tell her how nice it was for her to give you a gift when you next see her, etc - but you don't have to keep/use every random gift that comes your way.

bcashaw · May 2017

@zigzag8412 I agree. Return it!
@c+mpeachey a last adults dinner sounds so wonderful.

KLink15 · May 2017

Ok so now I feel kinda tacky, my mom is doing one, my bff wants to do one, and my SILs want to do one. I had agreed because it seemed easier to keep the groups smaller and because I know my in-laws and my family don't necessarily get along the best. Is it totally tacky to do it that way?!

Side note none of the same people would be invited to any of them.

ineedsixeggs · May 2017

@KLink15 I personally don't think so, because that's how I did it with my first. It can be awkward to mix friend and family groups.

KLink15 · May 2017

ooodalollly said:

@KLink15 I personally don't think so, because that's how I did it with my first. It can be awkward to mix friend and family groups.

That's exactly why I was separating them, my family are awkward and I don't really like dealing with their social interactions with others.

I also get social anxiety in large-ish groups so I don't want to really have everyone together at once.

ineedsixeggs · May 2017

@KLink15 Makes perfect sense.

bcashaw · May 2017

K I don't know if this is normal because I haven't been to a ton of baby showers and the ones I've been to have been very conservative. I went to a shower today and she was serving champagne. THEN after they announced that it was a boy they handed out blue shots for everyone to take.
That's strange right?

kissthesky32 · May 2017

@bcashaw I have never been to a baby shower that didn't serve alcohol, so that seems normal to me.

KLink15 · May 2017

@bcashaw I have seen champagne but never shots personally however I have heard of it before.

TeacherMama7 · May 2017

@bcashaw I think mimosas are normal but shots are definitely not!

bcashaw · May 2017

Okay good to know about the alcohol. Maybe I should have something at my shower.

ineedsixeggs · May 2017

I've never been to a baby shower with alcohol, and I feel like I would be annoyed if it was at mine. Why serve something the guests of honor can't have? I've seen things like preggatinis and mocktails and that makes more sense to me.

BayCamp · May 2017

I remember my friends without kids "sneaking" tequila shots from their car in the parking lot, and I think there was some beer in a cooler somewhere but no one got hammered so I didn't mind. I'd be annoyed if everyone got drunk though. We had a super relaxed shower though.

ugoglencoco · May 2017

I had a mimosa bar at mine, it's fairly normal where I'm from to serve alcohol at any sort of gathering (or maybe just in my family haha). I do think the shot thing is a little strange though.

baby3forme · May 2017

This is my third so if it's girl #3 we won't do anything but if it's a boy we'll probably have a "sip n see" or "sprinkle" type event after baby is here. Plus baby is due about 2 weeks before DD2s birthday so we may just combine the two (she's only turning 2 so she won't be jealous or anything).

ShePersisted · May 2017

baby3forme said:

This is my third so if it's girl #3 we won't do anything but if it's a boy we'll probably have a "sip n see" or "sprinkle" type event after baby is here. Plus baby is due about 2 weeks before DD2s birthday so we may just combine the two (she's only turning 2 so she won't be jealous or anything).

Actually two year old's can be quiet jealous and possessive of their mommy so maybe not a great idea to combine. Just based on my experience with my son when he was 2

baby3forme · May 2017

@ShePersisted ahh. I know DD1 wouldn't have liked that but DD2 is really laid back so I guess we shall see as it gets closer to that time!

BayCamp · May 2017

@baby3forme maybe make sure she has her own special cake/cupcake and let her open the baby presents? My 2yo is fairly motivated by cake and wrapping paper lol

ElizabethSchuyler · May 2017

...There are baby showers that don't serve alcohol?

The shots thing is weird though. I think beer/wine is fine and expected in these parts.

kissthesky32 · May 2017

A baby shower without drinks is not-pregnant-me's idea of torture.

kwaldy · May 2017

Crazy! I've never been to a baby shower WITH alcohol.

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