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LoveInDC
member
May Mental Health Check-in
LoveInDC
member
Turning this one into a monthly because weekly was too frequent. Also adding some voluntary structure to see if that helps keep this more active.
***This thread has a general trigger warning.***
This thread is a safe place for members to discuss their mental health, struggles, and successes while on the TTGP Board. This post can be replied to at any time during the month. Not limited to those with a diagnosis, but please be sensitive to others. We will attempt to be as flame free as possible!
Feel free to share, vent, or support other members on this thread. Share a picture/gif that expresses how you feel or provides some comfort. If you need help getting started, try filling out the form below:
Diagnosis (if you have been):
Status (WTO/TWW/Benched):
How are you feeling?
GTKY: What is one way you try to take care of your mental health?
***This thread has a general trigger warning.***
This thread is a safe place for members to discuss their mental health, struggles, and successes while on the TTGP Board. This post can be replied to at any time during the month. Not limited to those with a diagnosis, but please be sensitive to others. We will attempt to be as flame free as possible!
Feel free to share, vent, or support other members on this thread. Share a picture/gif that expresses how you feel or provides some comfort. If you need help getting started, try filling out the form below:
Diagnosis (if you have been):
Status (WTO/TWW/Benched):
How are you feeling?
GTKY: What is one way you try to take care of your mental health?
Me: 23 | DH: 30
Married November 2016
TTC #1 November 2016
TTC #1 November 2016
Dx Anovulatory/NIR PCOS April 2017
50mg Clomid June 2017
BFP June, 21 2017 | EDD March 4, 2018
50mg Clomid June 2017
BFP June, 21 2017 | EDD March 4, 2018
Re: May Mental Health Check-in
Status (WTO/TWW/Benched): "WTO"
How are you feeling? Shitty. My high T is causing my skin to break out like crazy. My skin break out is reigniting my excoriation disorder. That's stressing me out, which is causing me to breakout more, which is... well you see where this is going.
And none of that has to do with my anovulatory cycles. I didn't O this cycle, which sucks. Now I have to wait until June before my medicated cycle. It really awful trying to conceive when it feels like you aren't trying at all. My body is benching me involuntarily and it's just frustrating. I just feel like drinking all the wine and saying f it.
And none of that has to do with trying to radically change my eating habits. I have a terrible relationship with food and had a few years of anorexia in high school. I'm hoping that changing my eating habits helps my hormone levels, but it just is tapping into my old mentality. I'm starting to get depressed and cynical about the whole thing, which is making it hard to stick to my goals. Bleh.
GTKY: Therapy. I see my therapist every 3 weeks (including today. woot!) She is really good about kicking my butt in gear and putting things in perspective. I'm looking forward to what she has to say today. Hopefully I feel less shitty afterwards.
TTC #1 November 2016
50mg Clomid June 2017
BFP June, 21 2017 | EDD March 4, 2018
Status (WTO/TWW/Benched): TWW
How are you feeling? Pretty good. My doctor took me off all of my meds so we could TTC. I was a little scared at first, but it's been about a month now and I feel pretty good so far. I worry that if I do get pregnant, I may have trouble once the hormones hit me... but I suppose I'll cross that bridge once I get to it.
GTKY: What is one way you try to take care of your mental health? I'm really big on self care right now. I take time to pray and meditate. I read and journal and surround myself with positive thoughts and people whenever I can. I have to be patient with myself and realize that I'm not perfect and I will have some bad days. And that's OK.
Status (WTO/TWW/Benched): it's mid O week, so almost to the TWW
How are you feeling? Excited but stressed about baby making, school ending for the semester, work things...
GTKY: It's stupid, but taking a bath and doing a face mask helps me trick myself that I have my shit together. I've
also been trying to make more of an effort to catch myself when I get into a spiral of anxiety, and it has gotten much easier since starting medication to take that step back and evaluate truthfully.
@LoveInDC I can relate to the food things, I know for me that tracking food in any way also sends me down that path. I hope you find peace with it sooner rather then later.
@ladybugsamom I'm jealous you can meditate! I haven't been able to quite my mind as of yet in my attempts. Also kudos to you on the medications, I don't know if I will be able to give up my zoloft although I have read it is safe to take during pregnancy? I have an appointment with my Dr to talk about this soon...
@ladybugsamom I'm glad that you're doing well without medication so far. I know there are some meds that are safe for pregnancy and others in that gray "we're not saying it's not safe, but we're not sure it is" zone. Definitely talk to your doctor and figure out what works best for you. Good luck!
@Hyperbole00 Thank you. It sounds like you have a lot going on in your life! I'm glad you've found some ways to stop "spinning" (as my therapist calls it). I'm with you about doing face masks for self care, I picked some up after my therapist appointment today.
AFM, my therapist helped me get my head on a bit straighter. I'm trying desperately not to be my mother whose life revolves around her kids to a fault. We're trying to get me into that healthy mindset now. Her and I talked about healthy food habits and "urge surfing" when cravings get hard. We also talked about what else is going on with my life that I can focus on in May outside of TTC. I did a Target run to get some healthy foods, supplements, and self care spa products. Feeling a bit better. Hopefully I can get it to last.
TTC #1 November 2016
50mg Clomid June 2017
BFP June, 21 2017 | EDD March 4, 2018
My personal feedback on adding structure - I'm not sure this is the thread to do that. I think having it as a free form place to vent, ask questions, look for support, etc. is more along the lines of what we are trying to accomplish. I think it goes beyond those who are dealing with a clinical issue, to include people who are just having a really rough go - whether it's a bad week, a bad month, or something more serious. If people have a diagnosis and are comfortable including that, all the power to them; but at the same time, I wouldn't want anyone to feel that their issues aren't 'bad' enough to post here.
Just using myself as an example: I have a history of depression, but am not currently suffering from it (I would actually consider my mental health to be quite good these days). However, the rollover to month 7 combined with my DH unexpectedly leaving town before I O'd - made me feel a bit overwhelmed and discouraged about the TTC journey. I came in here this morning, but when I looked at the structure, I felt like maybe this wasn't the place to post (and I 100% know that was never the intent of adding it).
This is just constructive feedback (you know I love you, girl!), and if others feel differently and prefer the new structure, I'm more than happy to support it. Just wanted to open the dialogue.
That was very long, lol TL;DR Just trying something out, so the feedback is super welcome
TTC #1 November 2016
50mg Clomid June 2017
BFP June, 21 2017 | EDD March 4, 2018
@Hyperbole00
I took Zoloft for ppd and breastfed DD for a year while I was on it. There is copious literature available indicating that it is one of the only antidepressants that is safe while breastfeeding as the amount of the drug that makes it to the breast milk is infinitesimally tiny and, therefore, negligeable. Most healthcare professionals will also tell you that it is safe in pregnancy (i.e. no known risk for birth defects) up until the beginning of the third trimester due to the possibility of withdrawal symptoms in the infant at birth. There are varying opinions on the severity of the withdrawal in the infant as well as the risk/benefit in having a medicated or unmedicated mother. In some cases, the mental health ramifications of an unmedicated mother outweigh the risks of infant withdrawal. There is also tons of literature on this if you want to read up on it before your appointment. I favor PubMed for literature on this type of stuff. Hopefully you will get some good info relative to your specific case from your doctor as well.
TTC#1 10/2016
TTC/IF:included medicated cycles, IUIs and 2 rounds of IVF with 1 embryo each.
BFP finally in 12/2018
TTC#2 06/2021
planning FET
"Some days are diamonds, some days are rocks,
some doors are open, some roads are blocked"
I'm terrified of PPD and I feel like I am definitely in that risk pool. I'm actually taking a child psych class right now for college and there was a section about how unchecked mental illness can affect parenting... and that set my anxiety right off through the roof. Even when I know I am managing it and doing well, i am always thinking of what could happen if it returns and is worse than before.
@LoveInDC I also feel like, this weird stress when I think about becoming a parent who revolves entirely around her children. My mom was very uninterested, so I obviously don't want to be like that, but I am scared to lose my sense of self withing being a parent... and then I feel guilty because it's not like i'm even pregnant yet
I know i'm thinking way too much about it, I've been trying to find new hobbies for when it gets too intense.
PPD caught me by surprise and I was afraid to ask for meds because I had never been on any. I had this crazy idea that doing so made me weak or something. I felt like I had to just muscle through and it took 9 weeks for me to finally call and get help. There was freedom in letting go and calling what was happening to me what it was. I felt stronger and lighter as soon as I said it out loud even. It was the smartest thing that I could have done because the Zoloft helped so much. Like, SO much.
I think that, since you already know that Zoloft works for you, if you happen to get to that place and you know that you are struggling, you could just ask about increasing your dose or going back on it if you end up deciding to wean at any time before then.
I wanted to respond to some other stuff since I'm just reading everyone's posts now and kind of did a P&G earlier...
@ladybugsamom I'm really admiring you on your self care strategies! As well as your mention that it's ok to have a bad day. Yes. Yes. Yes. I'm glad that you are feeling good off of your meds.
@LoveInDC So many hugs girl. I'm glad that your therapy session left you feeling a bit lighter today. I'm so sorry that you have been struggling. Good for you for getting in a self care Target run tonight. Be kind to yourself. Again, big hugs.
I like what @Sailing_Mama said about this thread including people that just happen to be having a rough go being able to come and get support, dx or not. I originally put lurking on my first post because I wasn't sure if I could hang here since I'm not in therapy or on meds anymore. I'm glad to see that this thread's purpose is a little more open to include more than just that stuff specifically. I'm all about some open mental health dialogue and support! Thanks for wanting to make sure that this thread is here for everyone @Sailing_Mama and @LoveInDC.
Status (WTO/TWW/Benched): I think WTO
How are you feeling? Good. I have a lot to celebrate this week but even knowing that doesn't always keep the anxiety at bay. I don't have the crippling symptoms I used to though.
GTKY: What is one way you try to take care of your mental health? So jealous of your ability to meditate too, @ladybugsamom. Like @Hyperbole00 I have tried and I think my mind is meditation-proofed. I do practice mindfulness generally thanks to my last super awesome therapist and have gotten pretty good at recognizing a "bad thought", telling it "I see you and not going to feed you," and shaking its hand, and then moving on with my day.
As someone no longer struggling to the extent I once was I like the idea of openness to people without dx's here, but I also kinda like some structure too to start things off, so a bit torn. As long as people aren't being turned away for not having a dx I'm sure whatever you guys decide is fine.
My goals is to go medication-free and just manage things as much as I can with other skills I've learned from therapy. So far, so good.
If anyone is interested, here is a link to a website my doctor directed me to that has general information about psychiatric disorders and medications during pregnancy:
https://womensmentalhealth.org/specialty-clinics/psychiatric-disorders-during-pregnancy/
Here is a link to the website's library of scientific (peer-reviewed) articles on the topic, many of which have studies on the use of various antidepressants during pregnancy:
https://womensmentalhealth.org/library/psychiatric-disorders-during-pregnancy/
Married: 2013
TTC #1: 2/2017
Dx: mild/borderline NIR PCOS
May TTGP Siggy Challenge - Awkward Prom Photos:
@hyperbole00 - Check out the studies in the links I posted. They'll give you a ton of reliable info about the safety of SSRIs during pregnancy. I'm terrified of PPD as well - from what I've read, based upon the number of major depressions I've had, I'm at like a 75% risk of developing it if I don't take antidepressants (which is one reason why I'm staying on them). Like @kbamomma33 pointed out, you (unfortunately) know what depression feels like and know what your warning signs are. You'll be able to monitor yourself very carefully and work with your doctor to have them monitor you. If it happens, you can catch it early and start treating it.
@kbamomma33 - When I first developed depression around age 17, I had the same weird idea that taking medicine would mean I was "weak." It took me 2 years to agree to take medication. It's horrible how the stigma of mental illness and the misconceptions about it keep people from seeking help sooner.
I like the structure, but I also want people without a Dx to feel welcome here if they're just having a rough time. So, I'm torn too!
Diagnosis (if you have been): recurrent Major Depressive Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, ADD/ADHD
Status (WTO/TWW/Benched): WTO - got off the BCP in February but didn't O or get AF for 3 months, so I just finished AF after a course of Provera. Time to see what my body will do this cycle.
How are you feeling? I've been better haha. Because of my wonky first cycle and the fact that I'm having tests run, I've been doing a LOT of worrying about whether or not I can have children. I fall prey to a lot of "cognitive distortions," as my therapist calls them. I haven't been very good at identifying them over the past few weeks and trying to overcome them, so instead they've just been running rampant. My sleep is also completely out of whack - I can't fall asleep until 2 or so and then am tired all day.
GTKY: What is one way you try to take care of your mental health? I've mentioned this before, but audiobooks. They help to replace my inner monologue with something else when my thoughts are all over the place. I wish my brain were built for meditation, but it's just not. I also like to do "self-care" things like buying myself flowers, getting a massage, etc. Doing art or crafts is also a HUGE thing I do for my mental health. I love that it keeps my mind and hands busy. I love being able to see the progress on my projects. I love having a physical item to show for my efforts when I'm done.
Married: 2013
TTC #1: 2/2017
Dx: mild/borderline NIR PCOS
May TTGP Siggy Challenge - Awkward Prom Photos:
You mentioned cognitive distortion and replacing your inner monologue. You also mentioned having trouble identifying and overcoming those cognitive distortions. This makes me wonder- have you tried Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, or, has your therapist done it with you? I'm also curious, what do you mean by your brain isn't built for mediation?
I did cognitive behavioral therapy with a therapist several years ago because I struggled with a repetitive self hating inner dialogue, along with a variety of cognitive distortions. I noticed that I was having a lot of similar or the same types of distortions over and over. That gets really overwhelming and confusing when it's happening all day, so, I hear you when you say that it's hard to identify and overcome. It really helped me to sit quietly and try to write them out at the end of each day, identify why the particular thought(s) were distorted or irrational, and then pick a reframed, rational thought to replace the distortion with. So, the next day when I noticed a distortion, I was already ready with a reframed, rational thought (that I already knew that I could accept) to replace it with. Have you ever tried anything like that?
When I said I wasn't sure if my brain was built for meditation, I just meant that I find it very hard to quiet my mind. Maybe it's the ADD, maybe it's my personality. (Example internal monologue while I try to meditate: "Breathe in...1, 2, 3...My face itches...it's cold in here...should've worn that sweater...when I get home I'm going to look on eBay for a new fleece vest...oh crap, I'm supposed to be not thinking...this is me not thinking...you're still thinking!") Maybe guided meditations would be better for me because they would give me something to follow along with. I had ONE good meditation experience with a yoga nidra class once but that yoga studio closed.
Married: 2013
TTC #1: 2/2017
Dx: mild/borderline NIR PCOS
May TTGP Siggy Challenge - Awkward Prom Photos:
Happy Thursday to all of you!! xoxo
@LoveInDC - Thanks for starting the thread! I'm sorry that you're benched this cycle, that is so frustrating. I'm glad you had a good session with your therapist!
@ladybugsamom - That's great that you are managing things with self-care and therapy. I know that takes a lot of awareness and dedication! Glad you're having a good Thursday.
@Hyperbole00 - Baths and sheet masks are awesome! That helps me tune out the cyclical thoughts. Plus, bath bombs are really cool.
@vflux33 - Thanks for sharing the mindfulness exercise from your therapist, that's a really great way to visualize it.
@sunniegrly - I'm in a similar place. My cycle got all out of whack, my sleep cycle got screwed up, which then throws off all the good mental health maintenance habits I developed. I hope your cycle gets straightened out soon, I'm sure that will really help.
@kbamomma33 - Thank you for sharing your personal experience. I second what @heatherdubrow said, you bring so much to the community! You both do, actually.
Diagnosis (if you have been): Ten years ago I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, but my current therapist does not agree, so I guess I don't have a diagnosis?
Status (WTO/TWW/Benched): Benched
How are you feeling? Shitty! I've actually had a good couple of days, but overall things are still difficult. ***TW*** I have to keep reminding myself that it is ok to mourn my MC and it's ok to be sad. I don't have to beat myself up for those feeling and make it worse.***end TW*** So while I've given myself a pass, I do need to get back in the habit of taking care of myself.
GTKY: What is one way you try to take care of your mental health? Maintaining a schedule is critical for me. I need to go to bed at the same time every day and get up at the same time everyday. I have to plan my days ahead of time. I wish I could be spontaneous, but having my boring schedule is FAR better than the alternative.
I'm sorry to hear you're having a hard time right now. All the hugs.
Married: 2013
TTC #1: 2/2017
Dx: mild/borderline NIR PCOS
May TTGP Siggy Challenge - Awkward Prom Photos:
Diagnosis (if you have been): Genralized Anxiety Disorder, Attachment Disorder
Status (WTO/TWW/Benched): WTO
How are you feeling? Anxious. DH's performance problems make me anxious and he can pick up on that and that makes his performance issues worse. I worry that actively trying to conceive is not going to work for us and NTNP would take years. I don't really know what to do.
GTKY: What is one way you try to take care of your mental health? I take Effexor and will continue it through pregnancy (if that happens). I was 25 when I finally started taking medicine for my anxiety and as soon as I reached a dosage that was helping me, my ex asked when I was planning to come off of it. It made me feel weak that I couldn't just not be anxious on my own, but therapy helped me realize that I function better while I'm on my medicine and that's worth more than being seen as "weak."
ETA - My mother suffered from PPD and it impacted her ability to bond with all of us. I am a strong proponent that the mother needs to be healthy (physically and emotionally) in order to be the best parent she can be.
DSS born 01/2016
TTC since 01/2017
Letrozole + TI = BFP 01/30/2018 | EDD 10/11/2018
** Shameless DD out of paranoia/privacy.**
I hope you guys are well... update here when you can!
I'm feeling pretty good so far this week! The last couple weeks I have done the bare minimum to qualify as a semi-functioning adult. Today I feel like I can do ALL THE THINGS!
Hope you guys are doing ok too!
DSS born 01/2016
TTC since 01/2017
Letrozole + TI = BFP 01/30/2018 | EDD 10/11/2018