@rainbowwishes5 its totally normal to measure a day or 3 off at that stage... they are so tiny that a minor click difference can be a big change in the measurement. 6 weeks also right on the cusp for a HB. I know PGAL brain sucks but unless your actively hemorrhaging your not out and for your mental health it would be good to try to rein it back a bit with the drama. It sucks but your just going to have to be patient to see what happens and every little twinge is not a miscarriage.
*TW*
TTC 1/2012 Diagnosed : unexplained infertility 6 rounds of IUI and a MC 2/2014, rainbow twins 4/2015 TTC #3 5/2016 Restarted Fertility tx IUI 2 rounds, baby girl 12/17
@heatherdubrow@wabash15 yes my doctor actually said "I'm sorry. This doesn't look like a viable pregnancy. If you don't miscarry naturally in a week follow up with us." But thanks for calling me a liar. Amazing how people can know the truth of my life without knowing me!!! believe what you want. I know the truth plus I have reciepts. Thanks for the support!
eta: follow up with us as in for a D&C which I asked about. And then I asked about a surrogate and he agreed. Maybe I can give you his number and you can please ask him not to jerk me around with matters of life and death again?
Siggy Warning--------
CP #1- due April 2017 lost 5.5 weeks cp #2- due May 2017 lost at 4.5 weeks iUI #1- BFN IUI #2-BFN IVF#1- transfer 2- BFP! Due October 2017 c/p#3 lost at 3.5 weeks
@heatherdubrow....Ew. What a presumptuous and rude thing to say to someone. Put yourself in her shoes...could you imagine going through that and having online strangers basically call you a liar?
Momma to Amelia Marie (7/14) and Austin Samuel (11/17). Adding baby (girl) #3 on 7/21
@rainbowwishes5 FX for continued growth! I'm sorry to hear your doctor was so pessimistic about your ultrasound and I'm glad you had a second look that showed you a heartbeat! Early ultrasounds are stressful enough when you're PGAL without your doctor jumping to conclusions.
I was told 3 weeks ago I was going to miscarry, then last week they realized they were wrong. Sometimes doctors are wrong and sometime they say dumb stuff.
Me 29 I Him 26 Married 4/22/16
TTC 9/2015 **TW** BFP 2/1/16 I MC 3/21/16 (11w) TTCAL 6/15/16 BFP 3/23/2017 Team pink! Quinn Leigh EDD December 1, 2017
@heatherdubrow....Ew. What a presumptuous and rude thing to say to someone. Put yourself in her shoes...could you imagine going through that and having online strangers basically call you a liar?
@heatherdubrow....Ew. What a presumptuous and rude thing to say to someone. Put yourself in her shoes...could you imagine going through that and having online strangers basically call you a liar?
I did go through that. An actual loss.
So has OP.
I have been on the receiving end of medical professionals saying stupid and insensitive things. I think people deserve the benefit of the doubt.
I'm not a white knight or anything but do people seriously need to be rude right now? Why would someone post that they are possibly misscarrying for attention or drama? And even if you think this, what positive outcome do you get for calling someone out? Because if the OP went through what she did actually go through then she's probably already scared enough. I'm sorry to jump in but I'm going through a possible no viable pg right now and we come to the board for support not criticism.
Ok I'll be the first to admit that I haven't done my detective work (not being facetious I am a low key sleuther - stupid app) so if there has been some dramatic posting in the past I can understand the reactions from those questioning things.
I still think it's a little bold to accuse someone of lying but yeah this isn't my first PGAL rodeo and back to back ultrasounds aren't really a thing.
@rainbowwishes5 its totally normal to measure a day or 3 off at that stage... they are so tiny that a minor click difference can be a big change in the measurement. 6 weeks also right on the cusp for a HB. I know PGAL brain sucks but unless your actively hemorrhaging your not out and for your mental health it would be good to try to rein it back a bit with the drama. It sucks but your just going to have to be patient to see what happens and every little twinge is not a miscarriage.
If you look at the OP's history, you'll understand why @wabash15 and @heatherdubrow had the reactions they did (or if you've participated in the infertility board before--which both wabash and heatherdubrow have). PGAL brain is awful, but its true that sometimes you just need to wait. It's not that people don't want to offer support, but when OP said on Tuesday that she wouldn't have an ultrasound until 7 weeks and then posted on Wednesday that she had an ultrasound and was told it wasn't viable (at a time when a heartbeat generally isn't visible) then had one again the next day, it raises some red flags--not accusing, just explaining and wondering. OP also said she was having a CP and then two days later said she'd actually gotten a BFP, so its just confusing and feels like a roller coaster reaction. There are people actively miscarrying, so calling an inconclusive ultrasound or a failed transfer in IVF a "miscarriage" can really rub people who have experienced losses the wrong way--NOT that they aren't also awful things to experience. I'll bow out now, but just think its important that people on the December BMB know why two awesome ladies had this reaction. I have no dog in the fight and promise I'm trying to be respectful.
@rainbowwishes5 its totally normal to measure a day or 3 off at that stage... they are so tiny that a minor click difference can be a big change in the measurement. 6 weeks also right on the cusp for a HB. I know PGAL brain sucks but unless your actively hemorrhaging your not out and for your mental health it would be good to try to rein it back a bit with the drama. It sucks but your just going to have to be patient to see what happens and every little twinge is not a miscarriage.
If you look at the OP's history, you'll understand why @wabash15 and @heatherdubrow had the reactions they did (or if you've participated in the infertility board before--which both wabash and heatherdubrow have). PGAL brain is awful, but its true that sometimes you just need to wait. It's not that people don't want to offer support, but when OP said on Tuesday that she wouldn't have an ultrasound until 7 weeks and then posted on Wednesday that she had an ultrasound and was told it wasn't viable (at a time when a heartbeat generally isn't visible) then had one again the next day, it raises some red flags--not accusing, just explaining and wondering. OP also said she was having a CP and then two days later said she'd actually gotten a BFP, so its just confusing and feels like a roller coaster reaction. There are people actively miscarrying, so calling an inconclusive ultrasound or a failed transfer in IVF a "miscarriage" can really rub people who have experienced losses the wrong way--NOT that they aren't also awful things to experience. I'll bow out now, but just think its important that people on the December BMB know why two awesome ladies had this reaction. I have no dog in the fight and promise I'm trying to be respectful.
Add another +1. Anyone who is feeling like these ladies were being insensitive, I encourage you to do some browsing on OP's post history. Lots of conflicting stories/information.
I know @wabash15, @heatherdubrow, @cait32 and @lund would not say anything if they didn't have serious questions based on previous posts and their experiences.
And to those who ask why call someone out, it's because people have catfished and trolled these boards before.
Yes, it's easy to say "why would someone do that", but did you know that there was a BMB that was catfished for their entire pregnancy? Fake photos, fake stories, fake everything. The catfish posted every day for nearly a year before getting caught - by other members who found things that didn't add up. Check out July 2014 BMB - you'll have to scroll a couple pages back but it's the thread about a "newb in town".
Did you know that another BMB tried to rally to support a woman who had a late-term loss, only to have the person who collected the money disappear with the money?
Unfortunately, there are people out there who enjoy "tricking" people. They build these relationships on the web either for entertainment or to scam something out of the individuals.
But you ask "why say anything" - it's because there are unfortunately people who use these boards for nefarious means. It's an environment where people build relationships and let their guard down, and it's been taken advantage of in the past.
Calling someone out, either as exaggerating the truth or as a catfish, is a serious accusation and shouldn't be done without some solid evidence to back it up. This is not a matter these ladies would take lightly.
** December BMB Siggy Challenge - Animals in Pools **
Me: 31+ H: 32 TTC Since 11/2015 #1 - MMC 6.5 weeks (2/16); #2 - MC due to cystic hygroma at 20 weeks (10/16); #3 CP (2/17); #4 - Due 12.16.17
I appreciate the explanations of folks' reactions. For my two cents, I would definitely rather offer support to someone who's playing a weird game and doesn't need support, than make a woman in a difficult situation feel any worse. I've seen some catfishing in my time and we had a super-fishy person on my last BMB. I think that its best to just let time reveal things....and never send anyone money....
I understand that my post may have come off as slightly rude. As a loss mom myself I get just how awful and painful it is and I don't wish it on anyone.
I also know OP post history and it is frequently dramatic and often mentions loss though the numbers and stages vary by the post. The few times people on the IF board have mentioned confusion about her history or suggested she may benefit talking to someone about her losses she has gone off on them. The constant drama can be too much. If you don't believe me search her post history for yourselves.
When you are barely 6 weeks into a pregnancy its still a waiting game to know for sure if its viable, that is why most doctors don't do super early US or caution their patients that the results may be inconclusive. Sometimes as hard as it is you just have to be patient.
OP if you truly are pregnant I hope you have an easy pregnancy, if your a catfish can you please stop.
*TW*
TTC 1/2012 Diagnosed : unexplained infertility 6 rounds of IUI and a MC 2/2014, rainbow twins 4/2015 TTC #3 5/2016 Restarted Fertility tx IUI 2 rounds, baby girl 12/17
I think the confusion is based on those of us from the IF boards. During this pregnancy, she initially posted that it was a chemical pregnancy in a surrogacy discussion. Two days later, I saw her posting in here and even commented that I thought I had seen her post that it was a CP but that I was happy if it was a mistake. She said she would be treating it as a CP until she held a child in her arms. Now that she posted it as a MC and then saying it was a mistake probably has people doing a double take.
In the IF boards, she has sometimes said some things that hurt the other ladies as well as posted confusing information regarding her cycle. She posted (in the miscarriage boards, mind you) that she lost 2.....before she even had the transfer. She posted on Sunday, Jan 22 that she had lost them and when one person who had been a follower from the IF boards asked when she had done her transfer, she hadn't even had it yet. Her transfer was the next Tuesday and she says, (and I am quoting here), " it is on Tuesday so I expect to mark that as the day they die? But I won't know more until later. Thanks for checking in. I won't really get "confirmation" of when they die of course so Tuesday is the day they will die as far as I can memorialize it."
Please keep in mind, she posted this in the MISCARRIAGE boards. She had not even had her transfer yet (for IVF). She stated that she "lost them" in the title when her blastocysts hadn't even been transferred yet. For those of you who don't know much about IVF, the cells that were forming the baby were still in the petri dish forming (she was not pregnant at the time of this post).
There is a huge difference in IVF not taking and having a miscarriage. I can see how some people might feel sad that their embryos did not make it beyond the petri dish phase but posting it in the miscarriage board before a failure could even take place is insulting to the women who are going through it. I understand she has had other IF issues and probably some miscarriages but by posting that particular instance, it wasn't a true miscarriage so why post it in the miscarriage board? By posting it in that board where women are grieving and looking for support, it diminishes the effect of the board and causes confusion....not to mention her very angry response to the one person who probed further.
**TW I can say that as I'm scheduled for my D&C tomorrow, it is frustrating to see these discussions. I was hesitant to comment on her original post knowing that measuring 2 days behind isn't a cause for concern this early. Heck, I was measuring almost a week behind and I held out hope. **End TW
I understand and somewhat sympathize with the ladies who commit to taking her posts with a grain of salt because I've seen it myself from the OP. I have even told my husband of one comment she made to me 2 months ago when I started IVF....it was slightly hurtful and upsetting but I brushed it off.
I do have to state that working in healthcare gives me pause to think she may react completely different to these things when comparing to myself or others. Some people can take things easier while others find it difficult to take news like this (no matter how big or how small). Also, some people find online communities for sympathy and continual reassurances. It could be seen as nothing more than someone who is seeking attention or....
I have often wondered if there was a catfish here at work. It makes me sad and angry that someone would come to our boards to do that but it's the truth and you can never be too careful. I wanted to stay neutral but please don't discount the people who challenge the OP because they may be frustrated with the lack of continuous sense in her posts.
And I am still lurking because I am genuinely happy for my other IF ladies and hope to see them continue on with happy, healthy pregnancies. It gives me hope to follow in their footsteps!
**Edited to further clarify past postings and timelines**
Me: 34
TTC: 40 months Me: endometrial polyps and most recently diagnosed with polypoid endometrium. Mild endometriosis. AMH 4.5. FSH 9.2. TSH 8.5 (recently started synthroid) Everything else normal. DH: now an exDH. lol. JUST MEEEEE! IVF #1: ER 3/11/17 (5 fertilized) ET 3/16/17 BFP (B#1-113, B#2-534, B#3-3190) MC @ 8 weeks TTC with just donor soon!
Having been part of the July 14 BMB and very much aware of the catfish problems on these boards, I can understand where you all are coming from. I didn't know the history there as I wasn't involved much on IF.
Momma to Amelia Marie (7/14) and Austin Samuel (11/17). Adding baby (girl) #3 on 7/21
There was also confusion coming from the loss boards.
It's funny how it's the little things in life that mean the most...not where you live, or what you drive, or the price tag on your clothes... There's no dollar sign on a piece of mind, this I've come to know! *ZBB*
@QsMadd you're so right about the difference between a loss and ivf transfer not being successful. I've now been through both and can attest to the difference. So many hugs to you.
Wow. I'm not active for a day and a half, trying to prep for our big move and I come back to some serious drama! NOW it feels like a real BMB.
I will say that I wasn't aware of OP's posting history and if something like this happens again, maybe the people who are doing the calling out can be more clear about that initially. I'm not WKing at all, but I was pretty taken aback by what I perceived as rudeness from @wabash14@heatherdubrow@cait32. I see that they have good reason to be wary, but maybe let's shine some light for the rest of us before straight up flaming.
Cat dishing is something that I've never dealt with so I really know nothing about it besides that it baffles me that people do it. That being said, I think it's hard to judge and decide when it's happening and I would much rather we offer support here. I left the bump last year on the ttc boards because the meanness was just too much and not what I was looking for. I've been pleasantly surprised quite frankly that our group has been so supportive and fun and I truly hope that environment continues.
Me: 31 DH: 32 DH since 12.2009 Married 08.2013 EDD 12.2017
Can I just pipe in by saying that I have seen multiple posts on the board where people are offended by things that don't really seem offensive.
We are all bathing in a crazy pool of hormones and that makes for some difficult social/interpersonal situations. Please keep that in mind and be kind to each other, try to read posts with the thought that everyone on here has the best of intentions and everyone here is in that first trimester limbo stress.
Im not really commenting on this situation (I was also on the IF board and have chosen to ignore this thread on purpose due to OPs history), just in general. If you're offended by someone, maybe take a break, come back to it later, and try a pm instead of a public outburst?
Me: 39 SO: 36
Dx: low progesterone, possible DOR - officially "unexplained"
TTC#1 since November 2015 9/16/2016 IUI#1 - BFN 10/12/2016 IUI#2 - BFN 1/21/2017 Clomid/IUI#3 - BFN March 2017 IVF: BFP! (beta#1 191, beta#2 378!) - it's a boy! DS born 12/6/2017
TTC #2 since July 2018 May 2019 IVF #2: BFP! (beta#1 346, beta#2 646) - vanishing twin at 8 weeks. Baby B still going strong - due 2/8/20!
Re: TW: I'm out: UPDATE
DD - 12/28/17
TTC #2 3/2019
BFP 5/2019 || MC - D&C 5/2019
BFP 2/2020 || EDD 10/10/2020
Me: 36 DH: 41
Married 4/22/16
**TW**
BFP 2/1/16 I MC 3/21/16 (11w)
TTCAL 6/15/16
BFP 3/23/2017 Team pink! Quinn Leigh EDD December 1, 2017
Me: 29 DH: 31
Married 10/13/12
TTC Since 8/2016
Married 4/22/16
**TW**
BFP 2/1/16 I MC 3/21/16 (11w)
TTCAL 6/15/16
BFP 3/23/2017 Team pink! Quinn Leigh EDD December 1, 2017
Diagnosed : unexplained infertility
6 rounds of IUI and a MC 2/2014, rainbow twins 4/2015
TTC #3 5/2016
Restarted Fertility tx
IUI 2 rounds, baby girl 12/17
believe what you want. I know the truth plus I have reciepts. Thanks for the support!
eta: follow up with us as in for a D&C which I asked about. And then I asked about a surrogate and he agreed. Maybe I can give you his number and you can please ask him not to jerk me around with matters of life and death again?
CP #1- due April 2017 lost 5.5 weeks
cp #2- due May 2017 lost at 4.5 weeks
iUI #1- BFN
IUI #2-BFN
IVF#1- transfer 2- BFP! Due October 2017 c/p#3 lost at 3.5 weeks
Married 4/22/16
**TW**
BFP 2/1/16 I MC 3/21/16 (11w)
TTCAL 6/15/16
BFP 3/23/2017 Team pink! Quinn Leigh EDD December 1, 2017
I have been on the receiving end of medical professionals saying stupid and insensitive things. I think people deserve the benefit of the doubt.
Me: 29 DH: 31
Married 10/13/12
TTC Since 8/2016
I still think it's a little bold to accuse someone of lying but yeah this isn't my first PGAL rodeo and back to back ultrasounds aren't really a thing.
Me: 29 DH: 31
Married 10/13/12
TTC Since 8/2016
And to those who ask why call someone out, it's because people have catfished and trolled these boards before.
Yes, it's easy to say "why would someone do that", but did you know that there was a BMB that was catfished for their entire pregnancy? Fake photos, fake stories, fake everything. The catfish posted every day for nearly a year before getting caught - by other members who found things that didn't add up. Check out July 2014 BMB - you'll have to scroll a couple pages back but it's the thread about a "newb in town".
Did you know that another BMB tried to rally to support a woman who had a late-term loss, only to have the person who collected the money disappear with the money?
Unfortunately, there are people out there who enjoy "tricking" people. They build these relationships on the web either for entertainment or to scam something out of the individuals.
But you ask "why say anything" - it's because there are unfortunately people who use these boards for nefarious means. It's an environment where people build relationships and let their guard down, and it's been taken advantage of in the past.
Calling someone out, either as exaggerating the truth or as a catfish, is a serious accusation and shouldn't be done without some solid evidence to back it up. This is not a matter these ladies would take lightly.
** December BMB Siggy Challenge - Animals in Pools **
Me: 31+ H: 32
TTC Since 11/2015
#1 - MMC 6.5 weeks (2/16); #2 - MC due to cystic hygroma at 20 weeks (10/16); #3 CP (2/17); #4 - Due 12.16.17
For my two cents, I would definitely rather offer support to someone who's playing a weird game and doesn't need support, than make a woman in a difficult situation feel any worse. I've seen some catfishing in my time and we had a super-fishy person on my last BMB. I think that its best to just let time reveal things....and never send anyone money....
Edited for grammar.
I also know OP post history and it is frequently dramatic and often mentions loss though the numbers and stages vary by the post. The few times people on the IF board have mentioned confusion about her history or suggested she may benefit talking to someone about her losses she has gone off on them. The constant drama can be too much. If you don't believe me search her post history for yourselves.
When you are barely 6 weeks into a pregnancy its still a waiting game to know for sure if its viable, that is why most doctors don't do super early US or caution their patients that the results may be inconclusive. Sometimes as hard as it is you just have to be patient.
OP if you truly are pregnant I hope you have an easy pregnancy, if your a catfish can you please stop.
Diagnosed : unexplained infertility
6 rounds of IUI and a MC 2/2014, rainbow twins 4/2015
TTC #3 5/2016
Restarted Fertility tx
IUI 2 rounds, baby girl 12/17
2 Dogs / 2 Cats
IUI #2 10/2016 BFN
IUI #3 11/2016 BFN
IVF #1 03/2017 - 23 Retrieved / 22 Fertilized / 11 at Day 3 / 1 Beautiful Embryo tf on Day 5 / 7 Frozen on Day 6 - Beta #1 4/5/17: 104 Beta #2 4/7/17 224
In the IF boards, she has sometimes said some things that hurt the other ladies as well as posted confusing information regarding her cycle. She posted (in the miscarriage boards, mind you) that she lost 2.....before she even had the transfer. She posted on Sunday, Jan 22 that she had lost them and when one person who had been a follower from the IF boards asked when she had done her transfer, she hadn't even had it yet. Her transfer was the next Tuesday and she says, (and I am quoting here), " it is on Tuesday so I expect to mark that as the day they die? But I won't know more until later. Thanks for checking in. I won't really get "confirmation" of when they die of course so Tuesday is the day they will die as far as I can memorialize it."
Please keep in mind, she posted this in the MISCARRIAGE boards. She had not even had her transfer yet (for IVF). She stated that she "lost them" in the title when her blastocysts hadn't even been transferred yet. For those of you who don't know much about IVF, the cells that were forming the baby were still in the petri dish forming (she was not pregnant at the time of this post).
There is a huge difference in IVF not taking and having a miscarriage. I can see how some people might feel sad that their embryos did not make it beyond the petri dish phase but posting it in the miscarriage board before a failure could even take place is insulting to the women who are going through it. I understand she has had other IF issues and probably some miscarriages but by posting that particular instance, it wasn't a true miscarriage so why post it in the miscarriage board? By posting it in that board where women are grieving and looking for support, it diminishes the effect of the board and causes confusion....not to mention her very angry response to the one person who probed further.
**TW I can say that as I'm scheduled for my D&C tomorrow, it is frustrating to see these discussions. I was hesitant to comment on her original post knowing that measuring 2 days behind isn't a cause for concern this early. Heck, I was measuring almost a week behind and I held out hope. **End TW
I understand and somewhat sympathize with the ladies who commit to taking her posts with a grain of salt because I've seen it myself from the OP. I have even told my husband of one comment she made to me 2 months ago when I started IVF....it was slightly hurtful and upsetting but I brushed it off.
I do have to state that working in healthcare gives me pause to think she may react completely different to these things when comparing to myself or others. Some people can take things easier while others find it difficult to take news like this (no matter how big or how small). Also, some people find online communities for sympathy and continual reassurances. It could be seen as nothing more than someone who is seeking attention or....
I have often wondered if there was a catfish here at work. It makes me sad and angry that someone would come to our boards to do that but it's the truth and you can never be too careful. I wanted to stay neutral but please don't discount the people who challenge the OP because they may be frustrated with the lack of continuous sense in her posts.
And I am still lurking because I am genuinely happy for my other IF ladies and hope to see them continue on with happy, healthy pregnancies. It gives me hope to follow in their footsteps!
**Edited to further clarify past postings and timelines**
TTC: 40 months
Me: endometrial polyps and most recently diagnosed with polypoid endometrium. Mild endometriosis. AMH 4.5. FSH 9.2. TSH 8.5 (recently started synthroid) Everything else normal.
DH: now an exDH. lol. JUST MEEEEE!
IVF #1: ER 3/11/17 (5 fertilized) ET 3/16/17 BFP (B#1-113, B#2-534, B#3-3190) MC @ 8 weeks
TTC with just donor soon!
TTC 9/2016 BFP 12/9/16 EDD 8/21/17 NMC 1/8/16 at 7w6d
TTC 2/2017 BFP 3/6/17 EDD 11/17/17 DS born 11/25/17 via ECS
TTC 12/2018 BFP 6/2/19 EDD 2/12/20 NMC / BO at 7 weeks, low progesterone
TTC 7/2019 BFP 8/21/19 EDD 4/22/20 CP at 5 weeks
TTC 8/19 IUI #1 w/ Clomid + Ovidrel + progesterone BFN, IUI 2 and 3 w/ Letrozole + Ovidrel + progesterone,
IUI 4 Follistim + Ovidrel + progesterone BFP 1/9/20 EDD 9/18/20
AMA, ITP in pregnancy, vWD type II - low Factor VIII, unexplained RPL and secondary infertility
Together since May 19, 2001
Baby #1 was born in May 2013.
I will say that I wasn't aware of OP's posting history and if something like this happens again, maybe the people who are doing the calling out can be more clear about that initially. I'm not WKing at all, but I was pretty taken aback by what I perceived as rudeness from @wabash14 @heatherdubrow @cait32. I see that they have good reason to be wary, but maybe let's shine some light for the rest of us before straight up flaming.
We are all bathing in a crazy pool of hormones and that makes for some difficult social/interpersonal situations. Please keep that in mind and be kind to each other, try to read posts with the thought that everyone on here has the best of intentions and everyone here is in that first trimester limbo stress.
Im not really commenting on this situation (I was also on the IF board and have chosen to ignore this thread on purpose due to OPs history), just in general. If you're offended by someone, maybe take a break, come back to it later, and try a pm instead of a public outburst?
TTC#1 since November 2015
9/16/2016 IUI#1 - BFN
10/12/2016 IUI#2 - BFN
1/21/2017 Clomid/IUI#3 - BFN
March 2017 IVF: BFP! (beta#1 191, beta#2 378!) - it's a boy! DS born 12/6/2017
TTC #2 since July 2018
May 2019 IVF #2: BFP! (beta#1 346, beta#2 646) - vanishing twin at 8 weeks. Baby B still going strong - due 2/8/20!