UO 4/20/17

Jens_Hoes · April 2017

Tell me your opinion and I'll tell you why you're wrong... Just kidding, this is May we'll all probably agree

onebadmotha · April 2017

I lose a great deal of respect for people when I find out they smoke cigarettes.

jayandaplus · April 2017

@kayemjay2 ME TOO! It's like a reflex.

I don't have an UO yet... I'll keep thinking.

bacorrea · April 2017

I plan to let my kids do whatever they want to their hair. I know that schools may have rules about colors, which will be followed, but other than that, hair is hair. Blue hair? Short hair? Man Bun? Whatever. I think kids should be allowed to express themselves to a point. Hair grows back, why not have fun with it?

softsoprano · April 2017

I secretly judge women who don't at least try Breast feeding. Yeah it can be hard, but to make up your mind pre-birth that it's not worth trying is crazy considering we know the benefits of breast milk far outweigh those of formula. I also judge women who don't try to give up smoking when they find out they're pregnant (looking at you MIL and SIL).

NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot · April 2017

I don't want to offend anyone here as we are a place of rainbows and butterflies and this absolutely isn't directed at anyone. I know we have a lot of people who use them here, but I greatly distrust chiropractors. I actually worked with them in a professional capacity for several years and I have several friends who are chiros. But I don't trust a profession that holds itself out as "medical" when many of them don't believe in vaccines or modern medical technologies. I think chiros have their place in massage therapy and some PT. I do not think adjustments on babies or pregnant ladies is a great idea. Aside from getting a massage, I would not seek them out for a specific medical ailment.

NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot · April 2017

softsoprano said:

I secretly judge women who don't at least try Breast feeding. Yeah it can be hard, but to make up your mind pre-birth that it's not worth trying is crazy considering we know the benefits of breast milk far outweigh those of formula. I also judge women who don't try to give up smoking when they find out they're pregnant (looking at you MIL and SIL).

I really disagree with this. Many moms have many reasons for not bf'ing and I don't think everyone should be forced to try it. Many of the benefits are grossly inflated too. I bf'd DD for 2 yrs only because it worked. I didn't love it and I don't think she's at anymore advantage than her formula fed peers.

bacorrea · April 2017

softsoprano said:

I secretly judge women who don't at least try Breast feeding. Yeah it can be hard, but to make up your mind pre-birth that it's not worth trying is crazy considering we know the benefits of breast milk far outweigh those of formula.

NOPE. Fed is best. End of discussion.

bacorrea · April 2017

NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot said:

I don't want to offend anyone here as we are a place of rainbows and butterflies and this absolutely isn't directed at anyone. I know we have a lot of people who use them here, but I greatly distrust chiropractors. I actually worked with them in a professional capacity for several years and I have several friends who are chiros. But I don't trust a profession that holds itself out as "medical" when many of them don't believe in vaccines or modern medical technologies. I think chiros have their place in massage therapy and some PT. I do not think adjustments on babies or pregnant ladies is a great idea. Aside from getting a massage, I would not seek them out for a specific medical ailment.

Omg YES!

onebadmotha · April 2017

softsoprano said:

I secretly judge women who don't at least try Breast feeding. Yeah it can be hard, but to make up your mind pre-birth that it's not worth trying is crazy considering we know the benefits of breast milk far outweigh those of formula. I also judge women who don't try to give up smoking when they find out they're pregnant (looking at you MIL and SIL).

This bothers me on a few levels. I agree with @NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot in that the benefits are grossly overstated. In the long run, it makes no difference. There are so many other parenting choices that DO make a huge difference in your child's outcome the people don't judge nearly as harshly in my opinion. Andplusalso, no one should feel judged by what they choose to do with their bodies. Yes, there are many reasons one may not wish to and/or be able to breastfeed- but I don't think there needs to be a reason. Are they your boobs? Is it your baby? Cool. Do what you'd like with them. Feed your baby. Keep your baby safe and happy. The end.

jayandaplus · April 2017

I agree with @NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot about chiros. I've known some, I've been to them, but all in all, I don't believe in their practice and think massage therapists and PTs far outweigh chiropractors in terms of legitimacy and efficacy.

ETA: Yes @bacorrea on hair. You said it well.

onebadmotha · April 2017

I also agree with @NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot re: chiropractors. I have friends who take their newborns to the chiro to get adjusted which I just don't understand. These are brand new people, why do they need adjusting?

Jens_Hoes · April 2017

I disagree slightly with @NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot and everyone else. I can't speak to the not believing in vaccines or modern medical technology because that wasn't my experience. But when I was about 23 years old I had horrible back pain due to years of gymnastics and cheerleading and I went to the chiropractor multiple times a week for a bit and it was a god send. I've never had to go back since. I love massages but they typically don't have the same effect for me long term.

As for babies and pregnant ladies going- that is not something I'd do. But as an adult it was helpful for me.

I definitely disagree with @softsoprano, which I imagine most will. As long as you are feeling your baby appropriately with formula, I don't see the problem with not breast feeding. This isn't the same type of conversation where not BF will lead to some type of danger, like the car seat arguments come in. IDGAF what you are feeding your baby as long as they get the nutrition they need. They have formula for a reason.

inomniaparatus2 · April 2017

@bacorrea yes! Have fun now because when you are older and have a job etc it's not as easy to experiment. I don't know if I would allow crazy shaved in words but overall let them do what they want

@NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot Yes! I don't understand how a medical profession can "fix" someone for a few days only to feel like crap again and have to go back. You aren't fixing the problem. I agree that PT and OT are much better options and actually help fix you than Chiros are. I also whole heartedly disagree with taking a newborn or baby to a chiropractor.

MrsFreeman2010 · April 2017

I don't care how you feed your baby ad long your feeding them (that's a lie...I will judge you if I see your 6 month old with soda/juice/kool-aid in their bottle). I had zero intentions of breastfeeding this time (only fed 3 months from the boob last foment with an additional month of pumped milk). I don't think it will effect the bond we have nor do I think I'm creating a future sociopath by not bfing. I DO know that I am making a safety decision for my family based on recognizing my own limitations and setting up boundaries. You do what you need to for your family, whether it's your first or 8th kid. This is the first of 10 million parent decision and you need to make and I feel like its the one that puts the most guilt/shame on new moms when it doesn't have to! Let's argue/discuss calmly over when to switch babies in car seats or vaccinations or how to introduce real food. BFing vs formula should be the least divisive.

ChristinaWild · April 2017

Ok, so I'll be the weirdo who has a differing opinion on everyone else!! Maybe just because I've had a different experience, but I think that a knowledgeable chiropractor can be a lot of help, depending on your circumstances. I fully agree that some are quacks and don't know what they're doing, don't get me wrong there! But I also know that I couldn't walk without wanting to cry this morning from pelvic pain and back pain, and after a quick visit at lunch I'm better. I'm not claiming to be perfect, as if I weren't pregnant, but I know that I can walk to the bathroom without having to stop 4 times because of pain! LOL

We also did three months of PT with DS because he had torticollis when he was younger. We were seeing very slow improvement and that's when the recommendation of the chiropractor came up. Literally immediately after his first adjustment (which for everyone cringing is nothing like an adult's adjustment!) he was able to latch onto my left breast, which he hadn't been able to do. By the third or fourth visit, there was a noticeable difference in his ability to hold his head up and look both ways. I still bring him about once a month now just to get aligned. Would I trust him with some dude right out of school who is working at one of those chain places? Not a chance. But I like who we see, and will likely continue to take him to see her for a while.

emilyalso · April 2017

I know the vehicle conversation has come up several times before, but my UO is that I am excited about the possibility of getting a minivan. My mode of transportation is not tied to my self worth/reputation/image/what-have-you, and I think they are practical on SO MANY levels. DH and I will probably car shop in the fall when the 2017s are marked way down, and while I say I am open to an SUV (Highlander? Pilot?) I really have my heart set on the Toyota Sienna!

mcvgal · April 2017

I love my minivan!

redheeler · April 2017

softsoprano said:

I secretly judge women who don't at least try Breast feeding. Yeah it can be hard, but to make up your mind pre-birth that it's not worth trying is crazy considering we know the benefits of breast milk far outweigh those of formula. I also judge women who don't try to give up smoking when they find out they're pregnant (looking at you MIL and SIL).

Some doctors actually recommend not giving up because the stress of giving up is worse for the baby than the risk posed by smoking, or something like that, don't know exactly. H's cousin smoked through all 3 of her pregnancies and all 3 kids were low birth weight and now have asthma. Go figure.

I also agree with you on the BFing, unless there is a medical reason you can't, then what do you have to loose by trying? I didn't want to with DS, but I still did in hospital and the first day at home, I figured the colostrum was the most important part. I will do at least the same this time, but may try harder, we will see.

Eta: to reply to other topics;

chiros- in some cases I believe a newborn should see a chiro, I mean the whole "watermelon out of a hole the size of a lemon" that watermelon is their head, attached to their neck and spine, things can go wrong and adjustments may be needed. I don't believe all newborns will need it though. They also have great benefit for adults... possible TMI; H has an awful back for the whole times we had been together (he's worked in construction, farming etc, lots of manual labour) he had been to PT's had massage, acupuncture etc etc he went to a chiro who did some sort of scan on his back and neck plus x-rays and found exactly which vertebrae were out of alignment (which was most of them) and had a list of symptoms that go with each vertebrae being out, the ones that were really out, matched H to a T (we're talking things like not maintaining an erection properly, trouble getting an erection etc)
one adjustment made a world of difference, (not just in the bedroom) he was a different man. 4 months of 1-2 visits weekly, he now hasn't been back in 6 months and can move like a real person again.

re cars: No minivans! Ever! Death to the minivan! Give me my V8 and my clutch pedal, and my bucket seats. I will NOT have more than 2 kids, because I will NOT get rid of my car! Cars are my life they're apart of who I am and I will not give up that part of my identity.

vrj0522 · April 2017

@emilyalso - I absolutely love my minivan! I remember being really torn between a minivan and 3 row SUV when we decided to buy a new vehicle and based on what was considered as more "family-friendly" we decided to go with a minivan and I don't regret it at all. I never really understood the sliding doors either until we got our minivan and I realized I don't ever have to worry about my kids swinging the door open and hitting other vehicles!

Kipperoo · April 2017

On chiropractors, I've never been to one and can see how they might be helpful for people with chronic back pain...but I don't see them as a replacement for a medical doctor or PT. And definitely not for babies...wtf? I've never heard of that.

On formula vs BF, agreed with previous posters that it's totally overblown in its benefits. Feeding your kid formula does not damage them (although DH and I like to joke that DS is destined for community college at best thanks to the Costco formula that grew him, haha...). I refuse to care about judgement from people over my formula feeding. Honestly, I wish some days that there was some kind of toddler formula that I could use these days to get my kid nutrients beyond the carbs, milk, and fruit he eats these days...

On hair, as long as my kid is within school dress code, they can wear whatever they want and do whatever they want to their hair. I'm planning to raise independent thinkers with strong self identities and I expect they will have opinions about how they want to present themselves to the world. I'm a-okay with that.

Maybe this isn't super unpopular, but it's spurred by a conversation with my MIL and 5 SILs...I don't think that children should be privy to parents extreme dieting or self image issues. My MIL is a serial dieter that has obsessed over her weight and been on some fad diet most of her life. It has clearly helped to create a number of body images issues and eating disorders in her 5 daughters and it makes me really sad.

redheeler · April 2017

@Kipperoo there isn't toddler formula there? Formula here is done in stages with different vitamins etc in each one, stage 1 is 0-6 months stage 2 6-12months there's also a stage 3 and 4 which I never used but they're basically both for toddlers who aren't getting everything they need from food, so it's some extra vitamins.

SKZW · April 2017

There is formula for toddlers here; the most prominent is called PediaSure, which has protein, fiber, and vitamins (brought to you by the makers of Pedialyte, which is a rehydrating electrolyte drink to use when they're dealing with vomit or the runs).

bacorrea · April 2017

Kipperoo said:

Maybe this isn't super unpopular, but it's spurred by a conversation with my MIL and 5 SILs...I don't think that children should be privy to parents extreme dieting or self image issues. My MIL is a serial dieter that has obsessed over her weight and been on some fad diet most of her life. It has clearly helped to create a number of body images issues and eating disorders in her 5 daughters and it makes me really sad.

Yes. This is so important. Our kids are watching how we talk about our bodies, how we treat them, how we talk about food, and how we look in a mirror. Even as young as 2 I know DD is paying attention. I know I need to lose a good amount of weight, but that's not anything I talk to DD about. We talk about healthy foods and what foods are fun and what foods fuel us and how important playing is! I would be devastated if something I did caused my daughter to have body issues.

Hansolosparka · April 2017

Late one: I think baby/kid moccasins in general are ugly and a gross example of cultural appropriation. Just totally hate the trend.

emilyalso · April 2017

@Hansolosparka - Somehow I read moccasins as 'raccoons' and was SO CONFUSED! Why does she hate them so much? Are they a trend so much as a part of nature?

saric83 · April 2017

This is kind of a random one, but I hate the idea of upgrading to larger and larger houses to keep up with the Joneses. It's a very normal/expected thing in my bubble where people have their "starter home", which is typically at least 1500 square feet in good and safe neighborhoods with 1/4 acre yards, and now we're at the age where everyone is upgrading. Usually, they're not adding more bedrooms for large families or anything like that. It's just to slightly nicer features with same sized yards but houses that are usually just quite a bit bigger (2500+ sq ft), and many of them are having to go further and further into different suburbs to get it within their budget meaning their commutes to work are an hour + each way.

To each their own, of course, but I find it incredibly annoying when we get asked all the time when we're going to get our next house when we've only been here for four years, and it's 2000 sq ft with four bedrooms that we got an awesome deal on at a crazy-low interest rate. Um, we're never leaving. But when friends find out how much we make, that's always the first thing they ask, as though they assumed we were staying in our house simply because we couldn't afford a bigger place or something. It's so bizarre to me.

BeachMommy2B · April 2017

softsoprano said:

I secretly judge women who don't at least try Breast feeding. Yeah it can be hard, but to make up your mind pre-birth that it's not worth trying is crazy considering we know the benefits of breast milk far outweigh those of formula. I also judge women who don't try to give up smoking when they find out they're pregnant (looking at you MIL and SIL).

This is so wrong, you have no idea what a mother may be going through. Your judgement might just be enough to set them over the edge. They are not harming their child by choosing formula. I was judged for formula feeding my DD (granted I did try BF, and it didn't work) but strangers that judged me had no idea. That made dealing with my severe post partum depression that much worse. I know you said that you judge people that don't even try, but you just never know what they might be dealing with or gone through in the past. Parenting is hard enough, maybe reserve your judgement for something that could actually harm the baby.

Kipperoo · April 2017

SKZW said:

There is formula for toddlers here; the most prominent is called PediaSure, which has protein, fiber, and vitamins (brought to you by the makers of Pedialyte, which is a rehydrating electrolyte drink to use when they're dealing with vomit or the runs).

I totally forgot about Pediasure! Yeah, I guess that is toddler formula!

bubsalicious · April 2017

I won't touch the BF vs formula with a 10 foot pole.
Re: chiros. I find chiropractors to be less quacky than massage. I also put them at the same level as PT, which I find to be over used. I go to the chiropractor for my issues, but if I didn't get the relief I did, I would've tried PT. In the end, all the 3 really do is get some muscles to relax and others to tighten and strengthen back up.

Louise_Belcher · April 2017

@emilyalso I never wanted a minivan until we rented one on vacation. Holy crap was that the easiest to get everyone in and out of! Now I totally want one, but since we drive our cars until the wheels fall off that will be a while. Also I nearly peed my couch laughing at the raccoon thing.

@Hansolosparka I'm not 100% sure what that is. Is that like those freshpicked shoes?

psherman42wwsa · April 2017

The breastfeeding topic is a touchy one. I breastfed my son for a little over a year and for some reason I felt that I got the opposite reaction from some of my family. Like they were asking when I'm going to stop and am I going to be "one of those people" who breastfeed a five year old. Someone in my family walked in the room while I was breastfeeding my son with a blanket covering and she laughed and was like oh wow I'm sorry and laughed. When he had a bottle people would always ask if it was breastmilk and then laugh or make jokes about getting it on them. Honestly I feel like I got judged for breastfeeding and not using formula!

Speaking of minivans... This video makes me laugh out loud for real.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=pUG3Z8Hxa5I

Hansolosparka · April 2017

@Louise_Belcher yes those are the ones I'm thinking of!

saric83 · April 2017

@lrwardrop - People suck and will judge us no matter what. I EP'd and got WAY too many comments from total strangers about how I should be BFing, formula is poison, blah blah blah. I usually never explained that it was actually breastmilk and just told them to fuck off and asked for a detailed list of what they ate that day since if they got an opinion about what my son was eating, then it was only fair I got to critique what they were eating too. But on the flip side, I would see women BFing in public who would get super rude stares. We just can't win, and peeps needs to mind their own damn business and just support people feeding the babies.

KMD1106 · April 2017

@softsoprano, secretly judging is not actually a secret. FF moms know they're being judged, BF moms know they're being judged. The very fact that this is coming up proves why moms are so hard on themselves. No one wants to be judged, and yet with everything we do, it feels like there are prying eyes. I had a lot of guilt over only making it to 2 months (with supplementation), and haven't decided what I'll be doing this time. It's a shame because it didn't matter. DD (age 3) is smart, funny, and has met her milestones so far. How about we all just do what is best for our own family's emotional and physical health and support one another instead of "secretly" judging?

heath313 · April 2017

As a teacher, I'd never be able to pick out the kids who were breastfed or not. The only time it sometimes gets brought to my attention is during the social history part of the evaluation...and even then, I don't think that information is necessary.

My UO- mayo on burgers is trash. When sonic came up to RI, I was so excited, waited in line for 40 minutes, only to be handed a burger slathered in mayo. Gross.

hp_momma · April 2017

absbubbs said:

I won't touch the BF vs formula with a 10 foot pole.
Re: chiros. I find chiropractors to be less quacky than massage. I also put them at the same level as PT, which I find to be over used. I go to the chiropractor for my issues, but if I didn't get the relief I did, I would've tried PT. In the end, all the 3 really do is get some muscles to relax and others to tighten and strengthen back up.

A PT and a chiropractor are two entirely different professions. And just for reference I think chiropractors are a waste of time.
A physical therapist REHABS patients for various medical conditions, most often after surgery. You would never go see a chiropractor after you've had a total knee replacement, ACL tear, hip replacement, etc. Their goal is to rehab and strengthen the muscle or joint to prevent further damage or pain. I know quite a few PTs who would be highly offended to be considered "the same as a chiropractor"! Lol

CherryBananas · April 2017

I was going to share a story about my friend who didn't attempt breastfeeding due to a prior sexual assault, but I'm not going to bother. Because anecdotes like that shouldn't be needed to justify how people choose to feed their kids. Mom's mental health is just as important as a fed baby. Period. Like PPs said, let's save our judgement for people who don't vax their kids or misuse car seats.

As far a chiros go, I've been seeing a PT who is also trained in spinal manipulation for the last 10 years. I have a bad back and shoulders, and I got into a profession where most of us move on after 10-15 years because of how hard it is on our bodies. I wouldn't still be working if it wasn't for him. He's not a quack though, and firmly believes in science, so that's probably why I'm not familiar with the situations some of you guys have experienced. I think I must have just lucked out.

kat81 · April 2017

I

saric83 said:

This is kind of a random one, but I hate the idea of upgrading to larger and larger houses to keep up with the Joneses. It's a very normal/expected thing in my bubble where people have their "starter home", which is typically at least 1500 square feet in good and safe neighborhoods with 1/4 acre yards, and now we're at the age where everyone is upgrading. Usually, they're not adding more bedrooms for large families or anything like that. It's just to slightly nicer features with same sized yards but houses that are usually just quite a bit bigger (2500+ sq ft), and many of them are having to go further and further into different suburbs to get it within their budget meaning their commutes to work are an hour + each way.

To each their own, of course, but I find it incredibly annoying when we get asked all the time when we're going to get our next house when we've only been here for four years, and it's 2000 sq ft with four bedrooms that we got an awesome deal on at a crazy-low interest rate. Um, we're never leaving. But when friends find out how much we make, that's always the first thing they ask, as though they assumed we were staying in our house simply because we couldn't afford a bigger place or something. It's so bizarre to me.

ah yes, totally all of this! Our house has 3br and about 1700 sq ft. While the 4th would be nice given that we'll have 3 kids, we are sure we're not moving! We can convert the playroom to a bedroom if needed, and there is a tiny finished room in the basement if needed. Bigger house = bigger hassle. Not for me.

kns1988 · April 2017

Totally agree about big houses and keeping up with the joneses, @saric83.

My UO: I don't like cats. I think they're kind of gross, and I hate when they try to walk on me.

SKZW · April 2017

@kns1988: Let's not forget that cats also walk through their business in a litter box and then walk all over people's kitchen counters where they do food prep. Just sayin.

UO 4/20/17

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