Not my first IVF rodeo

rainbowwishes5 · April 2017

@Hopeful_mom do you know what you will do this cycle? I'm thinking of you.

Hopeful_mom · April 2017

rainbowwishes5 as of now i'm still stemming and will see how it goes. I dont do well with just waiting. I always said that if my body is ready to go then i need to be on board. I just posted on another thread saying i just dont know how many more times i can go through this. They way i never thought i would lose both twins, i never thought all 3 would be abnormal, always thought i'd at least get one. Its just so disheartening. You read all these articles where people have transferred abnormal embryos and ended up with healthy kids...i know its few and far between BUT they are out there. I know i dont have the best attitude right now but i was anxious at my scan this morning, which just means i have no hope left which is sad to give in to. This has literally consumed my life so I dont know. I'm not turning 40 anymore so there really isn't much time left. Even if I became to old to carry the baby, i can't even get a good embryo for someone else to carry. I have to figure out for me when enough is enough....till i'm homeless.

radmom27 · April 2017

@Hopeful_mom I'm going to do a fresh transfer and am hoping to push my RE to do a 3 day transfer instead of 5.
I suspect that the great majority of my eggs are abnormal at my age. I've thought a lot about doing PGS and have done a lot of reading about it but am not sure that it's the best decision for someone my age. I tend to think that waiting until day 5 may lose some embryos that may have made it in utero. I'm in the same position as you are...I don't know when I'm going to stop and be OK with walking away. I keep hoping that it's a numbers game and that eventually I'll come up with a good sticky embryo. Sigh. Very hard on the psyche and the soul.

Hopeful_mom · April 2017

radmom27 you definitely understand the struggle...so hard on the psyche and soul for sure!!! I've been trying to explain that to my OH why I didn't want the PGS testing...however if they were abnormal from the beginning then at least i didn't waste any time. Knowing I wanted more then one child and the fact i had it and it was taken away is very hard...and to think that i'm never getting it back is even harder. I need to make a decision on this cycle, I just feel like i'm back at square one. Do i do the fresh transfer or test and bank ughhhhhhh!!!!!
The last few years i just feel like my life has been put on hold.
Hope you're having a good sleep, I'm sure you're nervous and excited for tomorrow! Will be looking forward to your update!!

radmom27 · April 2017

@Hopeful_mom It's so hard to know what to do and what is going to be successful. Any chance you can do a fresh transfer with the next cycle and test/bank the rest? Maybe best of both worlds? I can relate to life being on hold. Planning anything in the future is hard...will I be pregnant? Will I not? Should I go on a trip? Maybe I'll be pregnant? Ugh. I'm thinking of you and know you have hard decisions to make.

I did not ovulate and made it to retrieval today. They got 6 eggs. I'm not sure whether to be happy or sad. I had hoped for a couple more but am thankful that I was able to get any. I'm hoping that we do a 3 day transfer and just put back in 3-4. Hoping SOMETHING will stick.

JamieH2000 · April 2017

@radmom27- so glad you didn't ovulate and they got 6!! I totally understand wanting more but hopefully there is a golden egg or two in there!! Hoping for a great fertilization report tomorrow!

rainbowwishes5 · April 2017

Hang in there @hopeful_mom I'm thinking of you

Hopeful_mom · April 2017

radmom27 congrats great report! So glad you got 6 eggs, quality over quantity! Hoping ur sticky bean is in this mix for you! Will your RE really transfer 4? I think your RE might stop at 3 but what do I know

There are so many girls that are taking the summer off traveling and then doing a transfer after. Its so interesting to me only cause theres no way that could work for me as age isn't on my side and my brain isn't there. At first my plan for this cycle was just that, do a fresh transfer and test the rest. Now seeing this last cycle were all abnormal has made my RE and I pause. I have to act like last cycle didn't happen and move on. Hopefully I will make it to ER this week with a better outcome. The question is do I do another IVF cycle OR do I look to do a mini stem cycle and see how that does.
I keep looking at the season and when my baby will be due but I have to stop doing that as this all keeps changing.
Looking forward to hearing a great fertilization report tomorrow! hope you're taking it easy and relaxing!

radmom27 · April 2017

@Hopeful_mom We're going to transfer 3 if we get to 5day transfer...I think my RE is open to transferring 3-4 if it's a 3 day though.
When is the next time you go to get monitored? Hoping IVF #5 is the magic number for both of us.

It's been almost two years since my miscarriage and I think all the time about how old my baby would be and what she would be doing. It's so hard not to.

Hopeful_mom · April 2017

radmom27 I know we'll always think about the what if but i also think its because we're still not there which makes it that much tougher. I've gained enough weight that i should be 5/6 months pregnant already! Its just so hard!

You have a great plan in motion and hoping you'll be transferring in just a few days. I do go tomorrow for monitoring, so we shall see. I pray this is our magical cycle!!

radmom27 · April 2017

@Hopeful_mom I hope your monitoring appt went well!

5 out of my 6 eggs fertilized. Lab is on the fence about 3 vs. 5 day transfer...I should know tomorrow afternoon. I'm kind of hoping for a 3 day transfer out of fear that none will make it to 5.

JamieH2000 · April 2017

@radmom27- that is a great fertilization report!! I hope they all look excellent tomorrow so you can do a day 5 transfer and not stress too much about not having any!

Hopeful_mom · April 2017

@radmom27- that is fantastic news!! Grow embabies grow!!!

afm: I had a Diff tech today and she only measured 4 now around the same with a few smaller ones that probably won't catch up. Normally I'd be stressed but I don't have it in me, body is gonna do what it's gonna do. Gotta hope these few keep on growing!!

Hopeful_mom · April 2017

@radmom27 popping back in to see how your embabies are doing and what your RE has decided, good luck!!

radmom27 · April 2017

@JamieH2000 @Hopeful_mom Thanks for the continued support...It looks like all 5 of my embryos are dividing and doing well. I think there was one 5 cell, 2 four cells, one three cell and one two cell. They want me to wait until day 5 for transfer. I was hoping I would be relieved but now I'm even more nervous. Transfer is on Thursday!
@Hopeful_mom Every time I go for monitoring, the tech who does the measurements gave me different numbers of follicles so I almost stopped trying to figure out what I had. Hopefully some of the laggers will catch up and make it to retrieval!

JamieH2000 · April 2017

@radmom27- so glad for a good report! We had 6 last cycle but I was so nervous to wait until day 5 too. I truly believe that like 99% that will make it to day 5 will make it whether they are in utero or in the dish. Hoping lots make it so you have multiple to transfer!!

My BW today showed low progesterone, so no ovulation... I am just at a loss since my LH was rising last wed and my progesterone a little too.. so they were sure I would ovulate soon. Now i just don't know what is going on and when I will be able to get started. So frustrated and sick of limbos after 7 weeks straight of u/s and bw... really not sure how much longer I can keep doing this

radmom27 · April 2017

@JamieH2000 That is so so so frustrating. Do you have to wait to get a period or do they still think you may ovulate? Ugh.

JamieH2000 · April 2017

@radmom27- not sure... I think they think I will still ovulate maybe.. I have a u/s and bw on thursday. I am going to push to trigger if there are large follies/cysts to see if it can make me ovulate. Not sure what else we can do.. because we tried to make me get a period last month and reset everything, and i just grew a follicle or cyst right through the meds...

Hopeful_mom · April 2017

JamieH2000 ugh so frustrating! You would think being closely monitoried would shed some light on this. Does the re have any idea why your body is responding like this?
@radmom27- so glad to hear that all is going so well that you are doing a 5dt!! Lets hope things progress well and you will even get a few frosties too

mtpbadger · April 2017

@jamieh2000 still waiting?! I'm so sorry! Hopefully everything resolves soon!

@hopeful_mom I'm so sorry to hear about the testing results Hang in there girl and fingers crossed this cycle will bring better news!

@radmom 5 out of 6? That is awesome! Have you gotten any other updates?

AFM - My parents were in town over the weekend and I am exhausted! It was so good to see them and totally not think about anything IF for once! Had blood work done to test my prolactin and thyroid - prolactin came back normal (which I was shocked!) but thyroid, while still within normal range, is a tad on the higher side so I'll start meds for that tomorrow morning and recheck everything in about 6-9 weeks. We got some contact information for intended parents who have used the attorney we met last week so we are going to reach out to them to get their take on things. DH and I will prob do that next week so we can have time to make a list of possible questions to ask, get their insight on, etc.

radmom27 · April 2017

@Hopeful_mom How are those follies doing? Are you close to trigger?
@JamieH2000 Ovulation yet?
@mtpbadger The whole surrogacy process sounds like a new ballgame with a whole other set of questions to ask. Do you have leftover embryos from other cycles to use or will you need to stim again?

AFM--transfer tomorrow at 10:15 AM. The embryologists haven't looked at my embryos since Day 2 so I have no idea what i have at this point. I'm really hoping that three made it. If three made it, I'm going to transfer all three. I've done two before multiple times without success so I'm not too worried about three. Even one would be fine!!! I've been pretty calm and zen throughout this whole process but now I'm definitely nervous.

JamieH2000 · April 2017

@mtpbadger- interesting your prolactin came back normal, and glad they will be addressing the thryoid with meds. I also find the gestational carrier process very fascinating- please keep us updated. I really hope it all comes together and you don't have to be waiting to many months!

@radmom27- can't wait to hear about your transfer tomorrow! I really hope 3 made it too. I would also probably put in 3 in your situation. Heck I would even put in 3 for me too! Unless they are all top grade expanding.. then I may pause. But that would be a GREAT problem to have right? THinking of you!

AFM- i am still waiting... and my body keeps getting weird.. somehow.. i am now spotting on day 17. Its been getting a little heavier and more red.. so wondering if this is just a really light period. I did have a 30mm follicle on day 3 and day 10, and my day 10 labs showed my LH surging with progesterone starting to rise. So they really expected me to have high progesterone on Monday (day 15). So I am completey surprised by this spotting. Didn't even bother to call my nurse today... just planning to go in tomorrow for u/s and bloodwork. I think best case is that I have no follies or cysts and things are just quiet finally...

mtpbadger · April 2017

@radmom fingers crossed that all three look good tomorrow and that at least one is extra sticky!!

@jamieh2000 hopefully your cycle has finally stated and is done playing mind games!!

I will keep you all in the loop! Had a good phone call with my RE today and she explained the reasoning a little bit more for starting me on the metformin. Basically some ppl with PCOS can have increased androgens and the meds limit the production as well increase vascular function so the hope is that it could potentially help with my lining issues!! She is SO invested in finding something that works and it feels so good that she hasn't quite given up yet. I think we will still move forward with the GC, but will try again with my remaining frozen embryos (4) in one or two attempts since they aren't tested. I'd most likely do another retrieval and PGS testing to use with a carrier. My RE doesn't recommend thawing, trait and refreezing the ones we already have as stats have shown a decreased success rate in doing that with females around my age.

Hopeful_mom · April 2017

@mtpbadger- its great you have an RE that is so invested and cares to find what can and should work for you! It sounds like you're more then a number which is so important in this process! Its exciting you have frosties and your info is correct on the testing once they are frozen they only like to thaw them now for transfer at this point! Wise to do another cycle for GC. At least you've got a plan and things in motion so happy for u!

@radmom wishing you all the best for a transfer of 3 strong embabies tomorrow! I'm all about the 3, hang in there and try not to let your nerves get the best of you. Hoping you get great news and even some frosties, i'm shooting for the stars

Sending you sticky vibes!!

@jamieh2000 glad youre going in tomorrow, hoping your going to have a great report and all looks good and back to normal!!

AFM: Was a lil concerned with my folliles as some measured a lil smaller then the day before. My ES has gone up to 1495 hoping thats a good thing and i have maturing follies! Right now it looks like 6 are in the running so really hope that at least those will pull through and be my strong golden eggs! I took some extra gonal F a lil earlier today so hopefully that will help mature all!! Literally just took my trigger shot yay!! ER will be way too early friday morning! I'm exhausted! Still have to go back to the clinic for more bw tomorrow

radmom27 · April 2017

@JamieH2000 How did U/S and blood work go?
@mtpbadger You sound like you have a great RE who truly cares about you and your case. I don't think mine could pick me out of a police lineup. I'm glad you have a plan to move forward.
@Hopeful_mom Hoping your 6 golden eggs are still going strong. Good luck tomorrow AM for your retrieval!!

AFM: Had my transfer this AM and am happy to report that I transferred three "early" blasts. I try not to get my hopes up at this point but I still have hope that at least one will take. Now comes the wait. I have one more embryo that is chugging along but the embryologist is not confident that one will make it to freeze.

JamieH2000 · April 2017

@radmom27- congrats on the transfer!! that is so great! I mean at least one out of the three has to stick right?! The wait is brutal, but hoping it will go fast. beta in 10 days?

Unfortunately my u/s today showed that the cyst was still there. and it seems AF is here somehow on day 17. So all they can do is go in next week for another u/s to monitor the cyst. I am delayed at least another month. Really not sure I can keep going on in limbo like this...

radmom27 · April 2017

@JamieH2000 I'm so sorry about the cyst and about all this limbo for you. Enough is enough!!! Hoping for you that this may be AF, that the cyst will go away next week and that you can start your next cycle ASAP.

JamieH2000 · April 2017

@radmom27- thanks... its just so hard to have no control and not be able to plan my life at all. I'm tempted to say screw it and take a break.. but it would be until at least aug/sept since my sister is getting married in a different state at the end of July and we are going for a week... not sure what to do really anymore.

radmom27 · April 2017

@JamieH2000 It's hard to know what the right answer is. I can tell you that I took almost a year break before this recent cycle and honestly, it was great for my morale. I didn't realize how much all the meds and hormones were affecting me mentally, emotionally and physically. Doing this latest cycle, I've just been a lot more calm and zen. I know it sucks either way and no matter what, you'll still feel like you're not in control.

Hopeful_mom · April 2017

@radmom27- woohoo congrats! Glad 3 good ones made it, did they tell you the grades of where they were at! Hoping theyre getting all comfy and cozy in there! How did you manage with your full bladder? Mine was definitely TOO FULL that I almost had an accident! Hoping ur other one can make it to freeze!

@JamieH2000 I would like a button to dislike your update. I'm sorry the cyst is still there, has in shrunken in size? Hopefully it will be done after AF is over. Does your RE have any recommendations? The wait truly sucks and i'm so sorry it messes up the timeline we have in play. Try to take it one day at a time and remember if you need a break thats ok too. I know we all want to be pregnant and on baby number 2

Are you traveling far for ur sisters wedding? Try and take it one day at a time and hopefully next week you will get some better news!

I do have to say I'm actually happy no more shots tonight yay!! I'm actually looking forward to hopefully sleeping tomorrow! All this no sleep while stemming is kicking my ass!

radmom27 · April 2017

@Hopeful_mom Good luck tomorrow AM!!!!

JamieH2000 · April 2017

@radmom27 and @hopeful_mom- thanks for your support ladies! You have great advice. I am starting to think taking a few months off may be what is required, physically and mentally. I know you get how hard this is, and there is nothing that can be done, but having you ladies who always understand really helps!

Goodluck today @hopeful_mom!!

Hopeful_mom · April 2017

hi ladies just go home from ER and I got 7 woo hoo! She said they all look good so praying this can be my golden bunch! They could not get my IV in my arm and had to put it in my hand which definitely was not fun, made the process hurt a bit more. So far the cramping isn't as bad as last time which is great but my head is still hurting and this nausea is not cute, hopefully a nap will help! My blood pressure took a while to normalize so I feel like i was thee for a much longer period of time. The girl that went second was released before me not that its a race but I know OH was wondering where i was poor thing.

Does the trigger shot make you gain more weight? Never thought of it much but just in 3 days i gained another 5lbs it just doesn't seem right

rainbowwishes5 · April 2017

@mtpbadger @radmom27 @Hopeful_mom @JamieH2000 thinking of you all and rooting you on!!!!

radmom27 · April 2017

@Hopeful_mom Yay for your 7!!! Hoping you get a great fert report tomorrow!!! It's hard for me know about the trigger shot causing weight gain...I always feel like i'm 5-10 pounds up at the time of my retrievals. Another added benefit of IVF and infertility

@rainbowwishes5 Thank you!! I'm rooting for all of you over here. (It's not that I don't root for other people elsewhere, I just have a special soft place in my heart for you ladies over here.)

Hopeful_mom · April 2017

Hi ladies Fertilization report is in thank g-d all 7 fertilized, yay!! Praying this is my golden batch!! I'm excited to have 7 fertilized praying they can make it. As for my hand its still throbbing but the nurse was really nice and applied pressure so it wouldn't bruise. The Anesthesiologist just wasn't my cup of tea. he thinks its his show and the world revolves around him. He was all hyper and happy stating why aren't I smiling and such. I just looked at him and said I guess when you MC twins this part isn't so easy. Something like that, I know he's a Dr and I should be glad he did his job but he definitely hurt me. I actually screamed in pain when he put the meds in before I went under and his answer..."yea it hurts more in the hand." Really ASS why I asked for you not to put in there. Just glad its over.

Its sucks that so many of us had to go through this process and its no longer the first time nerves you have. I sometimes wish it was so you don't know all the ins and outs as much!

My head actually hurt the most this time around. Yesterday I had a tough time sleeping but today I'm finally resting!
So since this cycle I have literally gained 10lbs I know i haven't been eating great but this is insane! I only had 7 eggs so I really cant have OHSS, i'm super bloated, gained another 2lbs post hoping tomorrow some of it will go down. I'm drinking fluids but I can't find a spot on me thats no bloated! I'm living in sweats! Now back to worrying about my embabies

@radmom27 how are you feeling?

@rainbowwishes5 how are you? where are you in your cycle now?

radmom27 · April 2017

@Hopeful_mom YAY for your 7 embies!!!!! Hoping and hoping that they make it to day 5 and you have all 7 to choose from.
I'm afraid to get on the scale after my retrieval. I always feel bloated and fat and gross. I know that since I don't produce that many eggs that I'm likely not going to have OHSS but these retrievals really do take a toll on the body...especially my not so young and 20 year old body

I'm crazy symptom spotting and spending 80% of the day sure that none of this worked and 20% hoping it did.

Hopeful_mom · April 2017

radmom27 are you having your pineapple core? what type of symptoms are you having? The most I felt during my tww was when i was sitting and i kept saying my tummy feels off, like a sour tummy. It wasn't super crampy like AF but i guess similar to that. Its your time that it has to work! I kept telling myself that too why not

Remember you are PUPO so go with that!!!
I'm praying all 7 can be my normal embabies and finally move on to transfer!! DO I think thats really gonna happen, no BUT for today I can think it will. I think we deserve some good news! I have a party to go get ready for that i have no desire to go to

Gaining all this weight doesn't help either. I hate this is another factor. I eas ok with the 5/10lbs up and down through the year but since the MC its over 20lbs and turing 40 in the process through ivf has proven to suck that much more

I hate to keep talking about it but its so bad! I've worked for years to keep 50lbs from my teens, early twenties and in a few short months i'm packing on the lbs, it upsets my psyche and soul that much more ugh!!!

radmom27 · April 2017

@Hopeful_mom I feel crampy on and off but have during all of my cycles and assume its just the progesterone. I've been testing out my trigger (I have no self control) and it's finally out today. Of course, I'm also stressing that I don't have a positive and that again, none of this worked. Sigh. Trying to stay hopeful and positive.
I completely feel your pain with the weight gain. Since I started IVF 2.5 years ago, I've put on 20 pounds. I get into a great exercise groove and then start meds and cycling and stop. I also think in the back of my head, that I think I may get pregnant at any time and that I'll put on weight anyway so I'm less motivated to get it off. I also think that as each year creeps by that it's harder to keep weight off. UGH. Damn you infertility!!!!!Do you get an embryo update early this week?

Hopeful_mom · April 2017

Have my update from today and not really sure how to feel about it.

Luckily all 7 are still growing but remember day 3 they should all be an 8 cell and only 3 are right now and last time 5 were at an 8 cell by day 3 and we see how well that went.

UGH my whole post didn't come through

Regulart Fert
7AB, 6BC, and 6B
ICSI
8A, 8A, 8AB and 7AB

I know they tell you its how they test and not how they look but worried that the others wont catch up and i'm lucky if i have 3 to test again if I'm lucky! How many cycles are we suppose to go through. I know my body can do it so WTH! Feeling a bit down...

@radmom27 very annoyed my msg deleted i had a good rant going too

Thanks for sharing the weight gain drives me bonkers and its because we've gone through cycles of this already...others dont have the same issue when they're one and done i guess. I gained weight with the IUIs but not like this!! Obviously the MC of the twins was devastating but I find as time goes on i dont get better about it and become angrier if thats possible. I wish i could just go back and fix whatever the issue was. I worked so hard to get there and who knows if I"m ever going to get back there. I hate feeling like this but its just such a frustrating process!!

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