I just got my first piece of totally unsolicited bad pregnancy advice, and a good friend who has a toddler chuckled and told me "Just wait. They'll ALL come out of the woodwork soon enough."
So since that's something to look forward to, what are YOUR experiences with unsolicited pregnancy advice? Was it just completely off the mark? Surprisingly useful? Hilariously bad? This is the place for it! Bonus points if it was some rando in the grocery store or a teenaged relative-of-a-friend on FB letting you in on some super secret pregnancy wisdom you surely could not have acquired from your doctor. Extra bonus points if someone has ever given you pregnancy advice when you were NOT pregnant and/or not even actively trying to get pregnant.
Me: 32 Husbando: 49Married Since: 7/29/2012omgosh
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Re: Unsolicited Pregnancy Advice - The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly
Since when is having a baby have anything to do with perfect timing? If I waited for all that, there would never be babies! Now my niece and nephew are over a year old, but we didn't WAIT for that. My husband has a great job, I have one in my field for OK pay but we knew that was gonna happen - my field doesn't pay much. And we're in the process of buying a house. But because we haven't accomplished all of this we're not ready .....oh and DH has been military for years - he just got out, so everyone's been very adamant about us waiting now....go away!
Married Since: 7/29/2012
omgosh
P.S. To FTMs: Yes, it's true, you won't get a whole lot of sleep right after the baby is born, but it will keep getting better. My daughter slept through the night (about 8 hours) at 2 1/2 months old. Don't listen to the people who say "you'll never sleep again!"
Married Since: 7/29/2012
omgosh
What really drove me crazy was my sister would always tell DH and I (super condescendingly), "just wait, you'll see when you have your own" like it was some kind of excuse for why her kids were behaving badly.
Started Dating: 2003 Married: 2013
Started TTC August 2016
BFP: 2/1/17 MC: 2/8/17
BFP: 3/8/17 MMC: 5/1/17
BFP: 7/23/17 EDD: 4/5/18
BFP: 2/27/20
The other advice I liked from my sister was "you don't have to be ready parent a ----(toddler... Fill in the blank with whatever age/future worry you have...) you just have to be ready to be a --- (first trimester pregnant lady...filll in the blank for wherever you are currently at).
Of of course I got plenty of weird/totally unhelpful advice but I just try to ignore it!
oh yeah, my cousin with 4 under 5 (including twins!) gave me great advice about travel -- buy them their own seat after 18 months and "once you have kids you don't take family vacations, you take family trips (bc it's still a lot of work!) managing expectations is the key to happiness". I repeat these mantras to myself often!
The biggest issue I have had is that we have been open about being TTC since DS3 was born. And I hate how many people have told me how we shouldn't have more kids because of things like "they're expensive" (we have 5, you don't think we know this already) or "kids take up so much time" (yup, time that I cherish with them next?).
I have 2 DS's from a previous relationship and my husband has 1 DS and 1DD from a previous relationship. We then had 1 DS together, so I have 3DS's. In all seriousness, I'd LOVE to have a DD, but if God blesses me with another DS, I will still be excited for the new addition to our family. When we were TTC, people assumed I was only having another to have a girl, and they were constantly giving us advice on what positions to use to try to give us a girl!!! First of all, please never comment on the positions DH and I are using for anything. Second, I love being a Boymom and they make it sound like you have to have both genders of kids or your life is ruined.
@cmessamore My cousin that has 4 DDs posted this article about having kids of all the same gender. I know you have DD from your H but thought it might resonate with what you were saying above. https://community.today.com/parentingteam/post/yes-all-of-my-kids-are-the-same-gender-what-i-wish-you-knew
Regardless of of their gender, you love your kiddos and they are still individuals!
I also hate the "sleep now while you can" advice. First of all, sleep doesn't work like that. Second of all, as this advice usually comes in the third trimester, "now" is actually when I can't sleep. You try sleeping with a bowling ball in your stomach, really bad heartburn, Braxton Hicks contractions, and having to pee every 45 minutes all night long. Personally, the little bursts of sleep that I was able to get while DD was still eating every 2-3 hours around the clock were actually much deeper and sounder than third trimester pregnancy sleep.
Married: 11/2013
"Q" DS1: 3/2011
"T" DS2: 10/2012
"A" DD: 1/2014
EDD #4: 11/26/2017
DHs coworker has 5 kids and mentioned how expensive they are and how it's not easy work. Then mentioned he had to continue to work to put them through college and to only have 1 because they're just SO expensive. Um dude you have 5, don't tell me what I can and can't afford! And then mentioned the college they're all going to is $120k A YEAR. Sorry child but if you wanna go to that school you better get scholarships cuz momma is NOT paying that.
I've also been told numerous times to only have 2 because once you're outnumbered it's terrible. Both DH and I are the youngest of 3. I want 3-4, he wants 2-3 so we'll probably have 3 lol. But don't tell me how many children to have because you feel like its too many.
@kaitlinliz Uggg I hate the whole "perfect timing" thing. I'll admit, DH and I thought that way ourselves when we first got married but realistically we just needed a year or so to be married and that was our own choice. I hated it when our parents talked about us waiting a few years. We started TTC after 18 months but we were just over 2 years married once we got the BFP. We realized with his military career there will never be a perfect time. Also I'm one of 4 and want 3-4, DH is one of 3 and wants 2-3 so it'll probably be 3 for us too (as much as you can plan I suppose)
@jess0211 I told my dad and his gf that I haven't had any MS and she's adamant that it doesn't start until the 2nd tri and that I'll get it....and of course she has a magical cure for it.
TTC since August 2018
the window or else I would have been ruthless!
...meanwhile, we just told my Inlaws we are pregnant and my mother in law (who is actually a very nice normal person) said "we knew it from recent pictures you posted and the look of the dark circles under your eyes"..... Uhm, thank you??
Married Since: 7/29/2012
omgosh
Also my mom the other day told me that my morning sickness was all mind over matter and I should start thinking of it differently then it won't be so bad. This from the woman who NEVER gets period cramps or had morning sickness. Ever.
I have another friend who recently had a baby and when I told her I was pregnant (She knows we have been TTC for 3 years) she said " omg imso sorry for you, I know you're probably excited, but pregnancy is so bad and you're going to hate it" Not the reaction I was looking for
One of the children's aid workers I see with my foster daughter told me the other day that I'm definitely having a girl because girls take your beauty and boys give you strength. So basically I look really ugly so she thinks I'm having a girl. So kind.
@gipfish " appreciate it while their young" remind me of that song early days- by old man ludecke . Have you heard it? TEARS.
@kaitlinliz if one more person uses the phrase "bad timing" to describe my child again I'm gonna lose it.
@2Dash I've heard people say things like "qre you gonna try for a girl/boy now?" To my friends with kids and I honestly want to slap them. Lol
Now she's all bent out of shape that we aren't finding out the sex. OMG woman, just STAHP.
Married Since: 7/29/2012
omgosh
My best piece of advice with DS was to set aside the money for a lactation consultant (certified, ibclc) home visit. Plan on spending that, even though it may feel like a lot of money. Getting nursing sorted out for us saved us so, so much more money than paying the LC.
Married 9-19-2009
Baby Karrot 2.0 - 6.25.2015 - He's here! Via VBAC @ 36 weeks.
Sorry for the book.