UO Thursday 4/6

jess0211 · April 2017

@ugoglencoco I hate the leggings, but I also love the dresses... But a bit pricey

elsieisamoocow · April 2017

@TallMomma29 it's not the best pic but even up close you can't even tell that I took it off. I used a seam ripper (carefully), as the fringe is only held on by one seam!

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/ws/ec2v1feywp4i.jpg

@slaven I really didn't like the look of the Carly at first but I tried one on and it was comfy (still hated the look) but then I added a belt at the waist and I looooved it. So now I have like 4.

gipfish · April 2017

liz4382 said:

@gipfish that is awful about the person using her m/c as an excuse to sell R&F. How in the world did she even make that connection?

It was something like: If I didn't have my amazing, incredible work from home job at R+F, I wouldn't be able to spend this difficult time on the road with my family while still making money. It is such a comfort to me in this time of loss that I am making women feel pretty.

ETA: It made me so upset that I cried several times over the course of a few days.

ugoglencoco · April 2017

Phew! Ive been super busy today so trying to play catch up! OK!

-Hate Cadbury Eggs.
-Love the mini eggs though.
-Dont really like soda too much.
-LOOOVE coffee. And wine.
-Considered getting a leash for ds2 in Disney (he was just over 2 at the time) but ended up not doing it. You leashing mamas get no shame from me! You do you!
-Babywearing is where its at!

My UO. I hate basically all TV that my generation *loves* Real housewives, bachelor (ette), DWTS, greys... im just not into it. But I do love me some Game of Thrones. And I have a serious girl crush on Emilia Clarke. Lol

elsieisamoocow · April 2017

Ooh I have another one that I really hope isn't actually a UO here: I HATE the Kardashians. And all of those stupid reality shows about stupid rich people being dramatic. Hate 'em.

cmessamore · April 2017

@elsieisamoocow I wish I could love your UO a hundred times!! I despise all of that nonsense!!

cmessamore · April 2017

More UO's: I hate hummus, mustard, and I hate when people try to pass off vegetables as grains or meats!!!!
Ex. "Try this cauliflower recipe, it tastes just like popcorn chicken!" (No, it doesn't)
Ex 2. "Try this zucchini 'pasta' I made, you won't even miss real pasta." (Yes, yes I do already actually)

emucoleman · April 2017

@cmessamore Haha, I actually do tend to like vegetables in those forms (I love zucchini noodles), but I hate when people say it "tastes just like" something else. No, it tastes like vegetables, and vegetables are tasty, isn't that enough?

Edited because words

cmessamore · April 2017

@emucoleman that I can handle!!! "Hey, this vegetable recipe is awesome!" Oh, okay, I'll try these vegetables, but don't try to pretend like they can take the place of grains or meat, because no... lol

liz4382 · April 2017

@ugoglencoco I don't like most of those shows either, but I loooooove Dancing With the Stars! It's just so flipping entertaining!

I tried to watch Game of Thrones. I tried really hard. But I couldn't get into it.

ArtificialRed · April 2017

@liz4382 I also love DWTS. DH and I actually went to the live tour this last time. I follow so many of the pros on social media. It's just fun. (But I never want to see that magic mike dance again, eek!)

jess0211 · April 2017

@cmessamore Yes to all of that, except the mustard

ArtificialRed · April 2017

I have been knocked so far off my parenting high horse, that I just hang around in the dirt and grass now. I have preferences, sure, but I clearly didn't (don't) know what hell I was doing. Every family has to figure out what works for them. Tv. Harnesses. Potty training. Bedtime. So many options, so many different family dynamics.

I dont like excuses for turning car seats forward facing early. Yet I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop and I'm faced with a situation where it makes sense to ff early. Because that's just how parenting has gone for me lol

slaven · April 2017

@ArtificialRed While I'm a FTM I've been looking up "mom stuff" for a long time while TTC. I understand people parent in different ways but I agree, I have yet to understand a reason to ff early or to switch to a booster seat early (other than of course physically outgrowing the seat and needing to move up, even then there are options with high weight/height limits). I have a Ford Focus and I know a rear facing seat with a high weight/height capacity can fit and I'm not even short or sitting close to the steering wheel.

ugoglencoco · April 2017

@ArtificialRed YES, YES, so much YES. I had so many opinions on so many things I would never do. So many things I would never allow to happen. And then I had these kids in front of me and none of those things I wanted to do were working and all those opinions went straight to shit. I laugh in the face of my pretentious pre baby self sometimes. I wanted to exclusively breastfeed for as long as possible. Hypoplasia happened and then came formula. I was going to make my own organic baby food. Welp, turns out the organic stuff you can buy is much easier. One kid went out of diapers and never looked back at 2 1/2. The other one is 3 1/2 and still has tons of accidents and wears a pull up every night. I was never going to pay for private school because I'm a tax payer and public school is what I pay for. Now I'm pretty sure my 5 year old learns more from the ipad than his current kindergarten class (turns out our school system isn't that good) and now I'm coughing up the big bucks for catholic school next year. How quickly these grand plans we have change. I could go on and on from binkies to blankies to sleep training and all. Basically none of it has gone 100% according to plan.

Like you, the one thing that has remained the same for us is car seat safety. Ds2 is still rear facing and ds1 is still in a 5 point harness (ff) and is almost 6. He rear faced for so long and I always joke that he will be in a 5 point harness until he is in college. Lol.

slaven · April 2017

@ugoglencoco I told DH I don't care if all our baby clothes, toys, etc. are used if that means we can afford a Clek Foonf (or something with similar height/weight capacity)

ArtificialRed · April 2017

@slaven we went until 3.5 with DS, and honestly, I kind of regretted not waiting longer. We rear faced in a Ford Fiesta for a couple years before "upgrading" in space to a Mazda 3. It's always doable.

BayCamp · April 2017

DS has started getting car sick at 2 1/2 and I'm so afraid I'll have to turn him ff. I'm hoping it was just a fluke the other day and it doesn't happen again :::fingers crossed:::

but yeah, parenting has taken all the judgement out of me. As long as you are doing your best and your kid is safe, you do you. Out of all of my mom friends we all are so different on literally everything and all of our kids are happy and healthy. It all evens out in the end.

DuchessOfCambridge · April 2017

@elsieisamoocow YES to your Kardashian comment. And that Kendall Jenner Pepsi ad? Just, why are any of you relevant? Go away.

elsieisamoocow · April 2017

While we're on the topic of car seat safety, please, especially all of you FTMs, PLEASE, learn how to buckle your child in their car seat correctly. I've had to be anal and nicely correct so many friends, but it can very easily be a life and death situation. The Car Seat Lady (Google her) has a great video on buckling a baby in an infant carrier. Make sure the straps are tight enough and if you're in the US, make sure the top of the chest clip is level with the baby's armpits. It's so damn important.

Edit: also especially since we will be having fall/winter newborns, no puffy coats or bulky layers in the car seat ever. Thin layers (like fleece) only. You can buckle the baby in and then put a heavy blanket over it. Also no aftermarket products that come between your baby and the straps or car seat (car seat covers, strap covers, etc, unless they come with the seat).

*steps off soapbox*

baby3forme · April 2017

cmessamore said:

More UO's: I hate hummus, mustard, and I hate when people try to pass off vegetables as grains or meats!!!!
Ex. "Try this cauliflower recipe, it tastes just like popcorn chicken!" (No, it doesn't)
Ex 2. "Try this zucchini 'pasta' I made, you won't even miss real pasta." (Yes, yes I do already actually)

Hummus is AMAZING.

c+mpeachey · April 2017

I dont have much to say....except you are all very entertaining.

Also. I am an Aussie. Cadbury everything is amazing. And I miss wine. And i hate tv reality shows. And slings can be great in cold weather. And we all negate our original parenting ideals sometimes.

Ok. My UO. Children should be treated as the children they are. Not the overprivilleged little adults people are treating them as. If they are put of control, lock em down. They have to earn every privilege. I sound like a harsh mum but (long story...slight winge).....DH and I don't own a lounge. Haven't for a year. Saving up for a new one. Went shopping today. DH said in passing "big enough for all 4 kids." I immediately said "adults only on lounges. Children sit on the floor." Its a rule Ive always had and my children have always abided by it. And then we had an argument because I'm being "mean". No. I am not. If i am sitting on a lounge, i am taking a rare break. I dont want a child lolling all over me, moving cushions, feet on seats, dribble on cushions, rolling around, standing, jumping etc on a space that i believe is for adult comfort. They may sit cross legged on floor. Or on a specifically designated cushion. I was bought up that way. Didn't harm me. My mother NEVER had her furniture disrespected by a child. Including her own children. And thats the way I roll. Everything in the house belongs to me. Including their toys. They disrespect them, they lose that privilege. I basically told DH he can sit on the floor with the kids if he thinks he's gonna change my house rules. (My house. My kids. My furniture. New hubby; fresh out of his parents house. My rules.)

Pregnancy is turning me into a total cow.

fiddleRN79 · April 2017

@c+mpeachey I am dying over this. My Nanny always had clear plastic covers on her furniture, likely for the reasons you state. We didn't want to sit on it because you would sweat and stick to the couch.

@ugoglencoco I agree with you on having a bunch of ideas of how you'll parent and then having to adapt with each child. Being flexible is a big part of parenting.

zigzag8412 · April 2017

c+mpeachey It really does entertain/depress me how many modern parents seem afraid of their own kids. I took DD to school Tuesday and told the teacher she was on punishment and wasn't allowed to have any sweets (due to an incident where she directly defied me multiple times after several warnings) and requested they please abide by the rule during snacks (cause let's be real, she eats 90% of her food when I'm not around and she's at school/daycare). Teacher looked at me like I had four heads. I found out after school that they respected my wishes though, so at least that. DD also came home with a bad report that day and I marched her into class the next morning and stood there while she apologized to her teacher for disobeying and not following instructions the day before in front of everyone around. My sister sub teaches and they aren't allowed to tell kids to "go to time out" they have to tell them "go take a break." So they aren't paying attention/being respectful in the first place and then they get rewarded with a "break" for not following instructions...?? I don't get the whole "don't let their feelings get hurt" or "don't embarrass them" culture. I mean, don't be an a-hole, but embarrassment is what my parents used to teach me to self regulate. It's not actually harmful in healthy amounts. Now, all that said, I agree with the comments re- "my parenting notions have changed as I've actually had to be day in day out responsible for a kid." But there is one thing DD will never forget because we rehearse it as often as I feel she needs reminding:
Me: "Who am I?"
DD: "The mom."
Me: What does that mean?"
DD: "You're in charge."
Me: "Who are you?"
DD: "The kid."
Me: "What does that mean?"
DD: "I obey."
End of discussion.

zigzag8412 · April 2017

And before anyone thinks I'm a communist mother, let me add:
I adore my daughter and dote on her as much as I am able. Just never to the compromise of her forgetting who's in charge. She is the apple of my eye. But my goal is to raise a functional and contributing member of society. The end.

DuchessOfCambridge · April 2017

@zigzag8412 I definitely agree to an extent. I grew up with SUPER strict parents and as an adult I realize that was a good thing. I've seen the way some people talk to their parents and it's really astounding. I would never get away with that even at 27. That being said, I'm going to try to be less strict but still maintain that parent/child line. One thing I never want to do is embarrass my kid, though. My parents used to embarrass me a lot whether at home or in public and it ended up stifling the kind of person I really am. I still don't feel fully comfortable being myself around them because of it. I'd rather go for the self-awareness type of thing.

But, I have a feeling you're not doing that to your daughter and she seems like a real firecracker! A lot of my upbringing was due to a different cultural background.

Also I'm not a parent yet so everything I say could be garbage because tbh, I have no idea what I'm doing or what I'm going to do.

ArtificialRed · April 2017

We no longer force DS to apologize to us. We've adapted the policy that forced apologies just end up making him lie to us and devalue the the weight of sincere apologies. We hope that modeling sincere apologies to him and between us will teach him to really mean it.

jess0211 · April 2017

@DuchessOfCambridge I agree, my Mom (who raised me) was super strict to the point it was damaging at times, I was a pretty good kid so lol but she would often embarass me and make me feel less than compared to other kids. In some ways I am thankful as I really like who I am as an adult and I imagine part of that is how I was raised. My sister and brother were raised in a much different environment and have environment and have really struggled with being adults, that may or may not be due to the differences in parenting. All that said, I will likely be a strict parent to the extent my child will be expected to be respectful and understand DH and I are the parents. But I also want them to feel empowered to speak up and stand up for themselves when needed. That was something I was never allowed to do or was taught. I also never want to embarass my child to tbe same extent my mother did or make my child feel less than. Wow this made my Mom sound terrible, she was a good Mom and tried very hard and i wouldn't trade her for the world but she nad a rough start as a very young Mom.

DuchessOfCambridge · April 2017

@jess0211 agreed, my parents were/are great parents and I love them very much. I think I have really good morals from them. It's interesting to see myself compared to a lot of my friends because we're so much more settled into adulthood than they are. The embarrassment I could have done without because it made me a doormat for a really long time and even now I pretend to be confident when I'm not. I want my kids to be very self-confident and know they and their opinions matter and others don't get to push them around. I want them to feel completely comfortable being who they are around everyone. It'll be an interesting balancing act between self-confidence and just conceited. Caaan't wait.

bklynchica · April 2017

My parents were not great parents, and I don't always speak to them in the nicest way, but that is because they were emotionally and verbally abusive to me as a child, and I still have many scars from that treatment. My philosophy is that simply being a parent or authority figure is not enough to deserve respect. I would never want my children to blindly obey without good reason. What of the authority figure who is an abuser? I'd want the children to feel comfortable standing up for themselves. I hope I'm able to keep that philosophy up!

fiddleRN79 · April 2017

@DuchessOfCambridge I agree with wanting self-confident children that aren't conceited. I make sure to ask my daughter what she thinks and to emphasize that she has an opinion. As long as she is respectful I will listen.

DuchessOfCambridge · April 2017

@bklynchica abuse is absolutely wrong. I should have clarified, when I meant seeing other people talk to their parents rudely, it's not those who were abused or mistreated, they're just spoiled. A friend of mine in high school had the nicest mother ever and he once called her a b*tch. That's the kind of thing I found appalling.

ETA: @fiddleRN79 I have a friend who was treated like gold and literally thinks the sun shines out of her bum. She honestly believes she always deserves to get her way and that she's always right and better than everyone else because she was raised being told she was the most special flower in all the land. It is so. obnoxious. I want my kid to be confident but NOT like that.

bklynchica · April 2017

@DuchessOfCambridge I totally did not take that personally. Just using my experience as an example of why I don't believe that parents automatically deserve respect just for being parents. I think too often the onus is put on the child, and it's not fair.

ugoglencoco · April 2017

@DuchessOfCambridge i have a friend who has the nicest mother ever and she was being awful to her the last time I saw the 2 of them together. And her mother was just letting her do it. I legit lost my crap and told her she needed to apologize to her mom because thats not how you treat the woman who raised you, fed you, clothed you, and made sure you were loved. But I also kind of blamed the mom too, because what kind of mother lets their 27 year old call them a bitch, tell them they're stupid etc.

My mom literally would have slapped me had I spoken to her that way. Ever. But I never would because my mom raised us on her own and gave up everything she could for us. I have nothing but the upmost respect for her and I hope my kids can see me in that way someday. I am pretty strict but I want to raise respectable, hard working children.

ugoglencoco · April 2017

@zigzag8412 the whole not being able to tell children to go have a time out thing is part of the reason my son will no longer be going to public school next year. My friend is a teacher in our school district and had a chair thrown at her by a 4th grader and the kid got to go color in the principles office and got no repercussions from it. It is a zoo and it is the administrations fault. My sons class had an incident where the police had to come because the kid was running around the school into different classrooms throwing stuff around and no one would stop him and he didn't get in trouble at all. I don't want to raise my kids thinking there is no consequences.

zigzag8412 · April 2017

@DutchessOfCambridge, you're correct. I don't mean embarrass in the sense of intentionally exposing her to ridicule as much as I mean it in a "not shielding her from natural consequence" (ie- apologizing to her teacher for misbehaving). I remember as a kid having to apologize to my teacher for acting up once (I was homeschooled but occasionally took co-op classes for more "complex" subjects like Spanish). I was mortified and didn't act out after that.
@ArtificialRed I've never thought about it that way... I certainly don't want her to lie but on occasion, getting a sincere apology is difficult. We usually have a lengthy conversation on empathy and how our bad choices make other's hearts sad and try to connect the dots for her rather than just demanding an apology. Also, DD is in special ed for delayed development due to her foster care history. It's a 100% environmental diagnosis as evidenced by the fact that in the 6 months she's been with us she's gone from no alphabet/numbers/rhyming words to achieving grade-level articulation and knowledge and will be in a gen ed class in the fall. One of my bigger issues with her disobeying her teacher was that the teacher was correcting her regarding her behavior towards several of her (more traditionally special education) classmates. I needed her to know it's not ok to treat people who are different rudely.

DuchessOfCambridge · April 2017

@zigzag8412 you sound like a great mom!

zigzag8412 · April 2017

@DuchessOfCambridge You're sweet. There are definitely days I don't feel like it. But DD (while a firecracker) is a dearheart and usually makes it pretty easy.

ArtificialRed · April 2017

I admit that I have a really hard time with DS. His personality is so different than mine. I hated upsetting my parents or teachers. I would've genuinely apologized, I'm sure. But DS will push, and push, and push. If I cry or yell (which I do try so hard not to do, but lately it's been harder) it doesn't deter him from whatever is that moment's undesirable behavior. He does seem to behave well for pretty much everyone else when I'm not there, so maybe I'm not totally screwing him up? I don't know, honestly.

zigzag8412 · April 2017

@ArtificialRed you are the best mama he could ever have. That's why he's yours. I can guarentee you are not totally screwing him up!

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