Benched and waiting...anyone else benched?

jodes727 · March 2017

We had our first fet in Jan and sadly it did not work

. My cycle started early Feb and my RE wanted me to do a natural cycle to see what my body is now doing on its own without any meds. I wasn't happy about this because I just want to move forward, but I did.
Well I went in on Cd 14 and CD 21 for u/s and blood work. My lining was very thin and estrogen and progesterone were both very low and no mature follicles. So she said because she didn't really see anything from this cycle, I need to wait and do another natural cycle and be monitored again mid-cycle to check especially my lining (which has been on the thin side in the past).
So now I wait and wait. Today is CD 35 and I have never had a cycle this long.

Anyone else benched?? I just want to keep moving forward, but instead I wait. On a positive note, this 'break' has been really nice emotionally and physically. My stress levels are way down

. Trying to find the positive!

baseballhoney · March 2017

I had a break between our TI cycles and the first IUI that we are doing this month. It does suck to feel like nothing productive is being done! I agree the month off was very nice emotionally and physically. My DH even commented on it. I hope you can get it figured out this cycle and get back to it!!

AlohaKumu · March 2017

I haven't been able to get to FETs or IUIs or IVF yet, but I do feel like I'm benched until we find out a diagnosis for my DH's sperm count. It takes about a month between each appointment and it's so frustrating not being able to do anything until we figure out our options. It's like a phrase that's used in the military: "hurry up and wait." We have to hurry up and get all this stuff done but then we have to wait for what seems like forever. You have lots of company on the waiting bench

I hope that your cycle will normalize soon!

kaseycoco · March 2017

I'm also benched for a different reason. During my first IVF cycle they discovered a polyp, which grew in response to the hormones, and now has to be removed before I can do a transfer. I have to wait to do a saline ultrasound, and then wait to have a procedure to remove the polyp based on the results of the ultrasound. After so much activity during the stimming cycle and retrieval, I feel like everything has come to a screeching halt. I wish there was something more I could do, but I agree that it's nice not to constantly think about "will I get pregnant/am I pregnant?" I'm hoping to really destress and jump back in when everything is ready

Hope that your lining gets thicker and you can enjoy the stress free time!

radmom27 · March 2017

I've been benched since September (no joke) due to insurance issues and then benched for longer waiting to have a repeat D and C and hysteroscopy. Being benched is no fun and drove me crazy initially although in the long run, has been good for me because it has made me enjoy life a little more and not be so focused on my fertility issues. I just had my D and C last week so will be back on board for treatment in April. A year ago, waiting a whole other month would have seemed like a lifetime. Now, it doesn't seem like such a big deal. Time will fly and you'll be back in the game again. Best of luck to you and enjoy some time not peeing on sticks

AngryBull · March 2017

I've been in a similar holding pattern for the last several months. My RE has monitored my last 3 cycles to see what I do naturally (I have thin lining, too). I honestly think it's worse than just taking a complete break because even though there aren't any meds, you still have to go in each month for the scan and get the news that your lining hasn't performed - again. And even though I try not to think about it too much it's still on my mind all the time. So I am really sorry that you are having to wait and go through this. And I will keep my fingers crossed that your lining improves and you get good results with this next cycle. My RE says every cycle can be different and he's definitely seen people have thin lining for many cycles and then random cycles where it improves (that's why he has me come in every cycle sometime between days 10-15 - you just never know).

Have you asked your RE if you can take something to jump start your period since you are already at day 35? I have very long cycles and once I get past 35 days my RE lets me choose if I either want to continue waiting for AF or take a medication that makes my period start (usually within 2-7 days).

[Deleted User] · March 2017

We are in a similar boat to @AlohaKumu bc we are still in testing before any treatment, plus you're waiting a month between appointments too. High 5 "Benched since September Crew!" @radmom27. Ughhh... we got our initial dx in Sept, had to repeat, wait for one consult, do a scan, wait for another consult, have more labs ordered. Wait for a second opinion, have similar labs ordered. ...and lately <i>someone,</i> (who shall remain nameless), has been dragging their feet going in for said labs, so I keep having to push back the next u/s. :/ hopefully today's the day!

Hang in there, @jodes727... it has been a good mental break in some ways, but could have been more if I had let it be. ;)

AlohaKumu · March 2017

@BusinessWife - I hope that nameless someone gets the labs done ASAP so you can get your u/s! Sometimes I wish I could just do all the labs myself, but that gosh darn biology keeps getting in the way.

rainbowwishes5 · March 2017

I'm not "benched" but I can't do a transfer until August when I'll be done with my ERs and ERA. So I am moving forward but not actually going to be able to get KU at all for 5 months. Does this count? Bc it sure feels like a 5 month bench

[Deleted User] · March 2017

@AlohaKumu. Omg! We did it! Pinch me! After all this waiting, it finally happened this morning... and now we wait. :/

@rainbowwishes5 Ouch, August must feel like a long way off, but at least you are moving forward... (((hugs))) *typos

AlohaKumu · March 2017

@BusinessWife - YAY! That is good news, even if a wait comes afterward. Forward progress

KLake42 · March 2017

After my last cancelled IVF in June, we decided to give up on my ovaries, and start trying with my wife's ovaries (and my uterus, reciprocal IVF), in which case we had a good known sperm donor. But I was benched for 6 months because of the dumb FDA rule on known donor sperm (6 month quarantine).

If we'd pretended that our donor was romantically involved with us in some sort of polyamorous group relationship, we could have skipped it, but we weren't quite comfortable with that.

Then we were benched a month because of our clinic's holiday hours-- wouldn't have been open when we would have needed a retrieval.

Then we started to get going, but my wife wasn't fully suppressed. Benched.

Then we had to wait for my cycle to start, after I'd been charged up with lupron and estrogen. Benched waiting for my 6 week cycle to end.

Then, because of our clinic's timing, we had to be on BCPs for 2 cycles. I'll be coming off that next week, and we've got baselines the last week of March.

So there's a 10 month bench, June 2016 to April 2017. It has sucked, especially since we're in our late 30s. But we're excited to see things happen next month!

rainbowwishes5 · March 2017

Thanks @BusinessWife

FuzzyDust · March 2017

KLake42, that's a long benching. Glad to hear you're finally stating the cycle in just a few weeks!

AlohaKumu · March 2017

@KLake42 - Gosh, that's so frustrating! I remember you sharing your story right when I started to get involved in the boards, but I didn't realize that you had to be benched all this time. I look forward to hearing how things go for you and your wife next month!

funkykey · March 2017

I'm benched too - I have 2 cysts from my last clomid cycle. Bah!

I hope that the month off is restful.

greenhillgirl · March 2017

I'm sorry to hear you're benched and waiting. I think waiting has been the hardest part of the long process of all this. I'm in a similar position- referred for IVF but insurance won't cover it until January and I think we need more info on MFI before we go to that. Waiting for appointments, waiting for information, waiting, waiting, waiting. It's hard!

mc4dj13 · March 2017

I was benched as well! Just like @kaseycoco I developed a few polyps and had to wait to have them removed. This was during a mock cycle, not even my actual transfer. I felt frustrated and cursed. It was dark times. I wanted to give up. I honestly turned to prayer and trusted that I was in fact on the correct path. As much as I was unhappy with the wait, it made me stronger and simply "letting go" felt amazing. My next mock cycle after the polypectomy was my best one ever. Less stress and resistance really helped my body do what it needed to do. Good luck to you @jodes727 hugs and prayers

2MomsHoping · March 2017

I'm also benched. I canceled my January transfer because I was just too overwhelmed with everything and disliked my doctor. We went searching for a second one found one we liked but quickly found out her nurse team was dangerously disorganized (it took 6 contact attempts to get a med refill). We decided to jump ship before we began. We found a new doctor with a good nurse team and finally feel like we are someplace we belong but she wants to retest some of my "getting started" labs because they are over a year old and do some panel workups for our recurrent chemical pregnancies. I'm think I'll be ready to start up a new IVF cycle in April (fingers crossed) but we have been out of the game since the end of November. Honestly I think the break was really needed. Best wishes to everyone that your breaks will yield you wonderful results.

FuzzyDust · March 2017

I guess I'm benched now too - partially due to some tests I need to do, partially due personal choice.
I did ER 2 weeks ago, and got news today that we have 2 PGS good frozen embabies. Now we're waiting for another two weeks to have a "what's next" consultation with RE. She wants me to do a series of tests before we do FET. I did all of the test in 2014 when I attempted IUI, but she feels that it's been long enough and we need to redo some.
Also, about 10 years ago there was a nodule discovered in my thyroid. I did biopsy and it was all good, but they asked me to monitor the size at least every 1-2 years. Well, I switched insurance and the clinic, and it's been over 5 years now since the last check. I just called endocrinology and their earliest appointment is in May

Considering that now we're benched to at least May anyways, we might end up waiting till August, and take some time during the summer to travel (my husband is a teacher, so we have to wait till at least July to vacation). I'll have to talk about it with DH, and then make the best plan with our RE once we see her 2 weeks from now.

But I'm getting baby fever now... and I do want to proceed so badly

skysong113 · March 2017

Hi everyone! I've been lurking since I was benched in December, and I'm not sure when I'll get to get started again...I don't ovulate on my own and DH has retrograde ejaculation, so we knew we would have to see an RE. We've done 2 unsuccessful IUIs and I had just finished Provera to start a cycle for a third in December when I fell on a patch of black ice and ended up with a concussion. The concussion didn't really go away fully until February, and by that point, our circumstances had changed dramatically. My work cut a whole bunch of jobs, including my own, and I ended up going back to school to get teaching certification. We are totally OOP, so we don't have the spare money right now to do anything. So I wait...and lurk...thanks for starting this thread! It's nice to post something

[Deleted User] · March 2017

Welcome! @skysong113. I'm so curious, how did they do the iui with YHs retrograde situation?

skysong113 · March 2017

@BusinessWife thanks! They have him take Sudafed for about a week prior to the IUI which apparently helps the muscle close properly so some comes out the way it's supposed to (not much though!) and then they have him pee in a urinal and they can isolate more sperm from there. He has a glass of mixed baking soda and water the morning of the IUI to raise the pH of the urine enough for sperm to survive. Between the two, they can come up with fairly decent counts.

[Deleted User] · March 2017

@skysong113. Wow! That's incredible! We are still waiting to hear back more results, but it's looking like our only shot is probably extraction. :/ so no iuis for us. did you have genetic testing too? Do they know if it's a condition likely to be passed onto any males? Or not really?

skysong113 · March 2017

@BusinessWife We talked about extraction too, but luckily so far we haven't needed it. If we go on to IVF we will have to do ICSI and we may have to do extraction for that and we'll definitely want to have some backup sperm frozen in case there's a problem day of- we had that happen with one IUI. It's not genetic, DH has type 2 diabetes and the RE said that that can cause retrograde ejaculation. He didn't always have it, and he developed it shortly before he got diagnosed with diabetes, so that's probably where it came from. I don't know why diabetes can cause it though.

[Deleted User] · March 2017

@skysong113. Interesting! I had heard that before, and MH is diabetic too, but not type 2. He's never had the post-coital urinalysis, but I think something else in the SA, maybe just the volume may have ruled that out in his case? Idk But good to know it's not genetic and he didn't always have that problem tho! Bodies are weird.

mc4dj13 · March 2017

@skysong113

Welcome

I'm in the same OOP boat as you! I have 2 insurances (one from my Hubby's work and one from mine) but neither of them cover much so it's nothing but bills, bills, bills...

I wish you love, prayers, and baby dust on your journey

greenhillgirl · March 2017

@mc4dj13 Ugh to insurance and ugh to waiting! It's the worst. I'm sorry to hear about your polyps. I am waiting for an appointment on Thursday where we will see if there are any other options for us other than waiting for January when I could get on his insurance to pay something for IVF.

You might want to be careful about saying baby dust and even edit it out. People on this forum are not into that phrase and in fact you can key word search and get a long explanation as to why.

Ilky · March 2017

Hello ladies. I'm a long time lurker too. We have been actively TTC for more than 26 cycles and just last month we've decided we should give Clomid+IUI a chance. Btw, we have no known fertility issues, so really unexplained fertility. I was very optimistic, everything went well, I didn't have much side effects from Clomid (100mg) and we did trigger shot followed by back to back IUIs. I was also put on 800mg progesterone suppositories. So, you can probably relate that I was very excited only to find out that it failed. My period took 5 days to come after stopping the progesterone and it was super light, not even 1 day of bleeding (Sorry TMI) and some spotting.

So, Last week when I went for baseline ultrasound they found out 28mm cyst on my left ovary. They did a blood test and the estrogen was around 160, so my doctor cancelled this cycle. Devastating! And, just yesterday (CD9) I had red spotting after intercourse. I asked a nurse and she told me that maybe it was a folicular cysts that they saw and that I ovulated. WTF! I totally missed this cycle even to try naturally.

mc4dj13 · March 2017

@greenhillgirl

Thanks for the heads up, I had no idea. It is so sad that something like a simple phrase which is meant to be positive and uplifting also has a morbid double meaning. Clearly, I meant no harm and will try to be more careful

funkykey · March 2017

@Ilky - that sucks (just seeing this now).

Guys, I'd kind of hoped, like some of you, when I was benched I would see it as an opportunity to relax a bit. And while I have been less stressed, I have also felt a lot more defeated.

Anyone else? I'm starting to get scared that about 10 days from now, when I go in for my next baseline, I will still have these cysts. Part of me knows: "Oh, another month, whatever", but part of me... it just hits me sometimes that this journey has gone on for so, so long. Even our 3 IUI cycles have stretched on, because the first time, I ovulated earlier than expected, during the clinic's Christmas closure. It's taking like 5 months, almost 6, to get all 3 IUIs in. Ugh. So much waiting - I'm really tempted to just move on to IVF and screw the last IUI, but for the unexplained dx.

Anyway, I'm not loving the bench... Put me in, coach!

2MomsHoping · April 2017

@funkykey I’m convinced fertility time moves as the pace of molasses. Honestly I don't think there is anything you can do about it. The littlest thing takes you out forever it seems. I think there are just so many factors that if one little thing is off its just like oh try agin next time….its just that next time is always an entire long endless month…

radmom27 · April 2017

@funkykey The bench is one of the hardest places I've had to be during my journey. Sadly, the waiting has gotten easier with more time. I've currently been benched since September but haven't had a transfer since late last April. I can't believe that it's almost been a year. That year has really given me time to appreciate the good things in my life and not just spend every month waiting for the day to get my BFP. I'm not going to say that every month I don't hope that this is the month a miracle is going to occur, but the depression and desperation have gotten much better. Having said that, as it gets closer for me to cycle, the anxiety is coming back full force that none of this is going to work. Hang in there. Hoping you get off that bench soon!!!!!

prudence9-2 · April 2017

Hi everyone! I'm also benched. Probably until the end of May / early June... This might not be a long wait compared to some of you... but with my age, I am starting to be afraid it will never happen...

***TW***
Had FET with a PGS tested embryo at the end of January... my due date was suppose to be days before my 42nd b-day... but it ended after the embryo stopped growing

funkykey · April 2017

@radmom27 - ugh, since September is so long! I feel bad about complaining now. Ugh - I'm so self-involved sometimes, sorry. Keeping FX that your next cycle is the one - what a wild ride you've had!

@2MomsHoping - exactly. It makes me want to speed up and slow down time at the same time. Like I want the treatments to go faster, but to age less. (Obviously).

@Prudence9 - welcome to the bench! I hope your stay here is short and minimally stressful! So sorry for your loss, and for your struggles to date.

prudence9-2 · April 2017

funkykey said:

...
Like I want the treatments to go faster, but to age less. (Obviously).
....

Exactly!!!!

@funkykey thanks and I hope you will not be benched for much longer! Are you waiting to start another IUI cycle?

skysong113 · April 2017

@funkykey I totally agree with the going faster but aging less! Don't feel bad about complaining, we each have our individual journey and it helps to know that you're not alone, whatever the circumstances!
@radmom27 I know what you mean about the waiting going easier with more time. I have been benched since December (first a concussion, then I lost my job because the company closed the facility I was working at, now I'm back in school to get teacher certification and so we're on really tight finances) and there's no end in sight. At first, every day was really painful. Now I've kind of accepted the circumstances, which makes it a little easier. I'm still so looking forward to getting back to it!
I just keep lurking here, cheering everyone on silently, which gives me hope that someday it will be my turn.

radmom27 · April 2017

@funkykey Never feel bad about complaining! I agree with skysong113 that each of our journeys has their own struggles and hardships. That's why I love this site!
@skysong113 I'm so sorry for all your going through!! Good luck on your teacher certification and I hope you get off the bench soon.

caitb13 · April 2017

@jodes727 we were benched from November until about the middle of March for reasons similar to @BusinessWife and @AlohaKumu. It's so hard to wait, and it feels like the time will never go by! But it will - just try to enjoy this period of low stress

FX things are going better for you this cycle!!

MariaBend25 · April 2017

Also "benched" but for a slew of reasons. First, trying to get to the bottom of DH sperm issues. After three tests all were around the same with only slight improvements. Now in the military system to get an appointment with our provider to get him a referral to then make said referral appointment and then do whatever tests from there to try to get a diagnosis and see if anything can be improved to better levels (count, morphology, progression). In the meantime trying to document my cycles to try and find if I am even ovulating. Then I am going to a deployment next year and I don't to risk a pregnancy beforehand. If I deploy and get back then I won't have to worry about that and can focus on the fertility battles. Otherwise it is pushing off the inevitable deployment. That all means no attempting via IUI until The end of 2018 when I get back. And IUI probably won't work because of our combined problems. Doctor wants to go straight to IVF but if IUI doesn't work then we wont pursue past it. Long shot, going to take the next year and a half to do as much as we can to increase our chances as well as come to grips with the fact it is statistically unrealistic we will ever be biological parents. Gonna be a rough time.

rainbowwishes5 · April 2017

@MariaBend25 this is tough. Keep hope alive! You never know what tomorrow will bring. I'm rooting for you!

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