Postpartum birth control (temporary or permanent)

Dcwtada · March 2017

I figured this topic might deserve a thread of its own.

DH and I are in the middle of talking about permanent birth control. The pill has always reeked havoc on my system and I am a tad absent minded and can forget (even with a daily alarm in my phone) - we chose that method for about 9 months after our second was born. We knew we wanted one more but wanted to space the last one out a little longer than the gap between our first two. I do not trust either of us on temporary birth control - pill or condom so now we are discussing permanent options. 3 kids in 3 years is perfect for us, we are happy with the timing and size.

My concern with tubal ligation is ectopic pregnancy risks and I won't be able to deliver at the hospital I prefer since it is a catholic hospital. Now I am having a c-section so it wouldn't be any more recovery or a seperate surgery - they do it right after the c-section and the other hospital was great - I am really happy with both - the bedside manner and intimate feel of the catholic facility (even though I am not religious) was just better.

DH is scared of the vasectomy surgery and freaked out a bit when I sent him an article on the pros and cons of each "because he was at menards" like that was some sort of sacred place he couldn't get an article about it, he then kinda freaked like I was planning a life after him or wanted another baby and wasn't telling him - which was simply a cover for his being scared of the surgery. After a truly candid conversation he agreed to it but I know he is against it and I wonder if making him go through a surgery is wrong since the tubal can be done with no additional surgery/recovery on my end. I can't seem to feel one way or the other and I know he does not want to take time off work to recover.

Sorry for the novel - just hoping for some advice and opinions. It obviously has me stressed and I am still a tad lost. Plus I am very interested in what others are doing and considering.

PurplePumpernickel · March 2017

What about an IUD? You can keep those things in for a while. They make copper ones if you're worried about the hormones.

I'm interested to see what others are planning. Whenever I mention it to my husband, he says "Aren't you infertile? Do you really need to go back on birth control?" Men.

SaphireSweetie88 · March 2017

@Dcwtada

That is a lot to consider.... I don't have an input / opinion 1 way or the other but I wish you and your DH best of luck in agreeing to something.

I am like you and can go 3 or 4 days forgetting to take the pill as well because I am in the middle of something when the alarm goes off or I swear I took it but ended up not...

DH and I are thinking we would like 1 more after this so we're thinking I may get the BC shot (can't think of the name) once a month OR we might go with Mirena or something similar. Both are easy enough to stop when the time for us to TTC #2 arrives.

mslynn2012 · March 2017

We've always done the "pull and pray". Gross/messy and not for everyone, but it's worked for us. That being said, I'm pretty much done after this pregnancy (hubby could have one more). Once I convince him that 3 is PLENTY, he's getting a vasectomy.

MrsLa3 · March 2017

I think I may have decided on a tubal, but this is number 3 for us. I'm also 24 almost 25 and DH is 27, my OB thinks we should wait bc of my age but I honestly don't want to go through a 4th CS and I don't think we can financially afford another child, not in the next 5 years anyway. Our kids always seem to be 2 years apart. I've never heard of a ectopic pregnancy risk after a tubal, does this really happen? I may have to rethink this option.

FWIW DS was a birth control baby so pills don't always work. If you're not scared to get a depo or IUD, that's always an option. There are pros and cons to each, I think you just have to choose what's best for you.

postywiththemosty · March 2017

I'm nervous to go on anything with hormones because I feel like my body held onto it and put a lot of things out of wack. @SaphireSweetie88 I think you're referring to depo provera right? I used to work in an OB/GYN office so I'm familiar with some of the stuff that's out there, but there's a lot more now.

DH hates condoms and we aren't sure if we will have another one yet (he wants three, I want to wait and see), otherwise I'm pro-vasectomy. It's not that bad of a surgery or recovery, just more an emotional toll on men because well, they're men.

I'm thinking of going with the copper IUD because I don't want the hormones. I didn't think I could get pregnant because we had tried for a while and per the temping I wasn't ovulating, so it is clear the pull and pray didn't work for us

Xath · March 2017

I'm likely getting a tubal this time; we're adopting any future kiddos.

I also loved being on the Mirena...I'm tempted to ask if I can still do that after a tubal even though I realize I shouldn't be on hormonal BC for personal convenience (i.e. I never got a period and I loved it).

michelle04us · March 2017

I will be getting a tubal plus DH will be getting a vasectomy. Just so all bases are covered.

I have done Mirena(as Im bad about the pill too) 2x. After my oldesr and after my youngest. The first time wasn't bad. Has no side effects and didnt have to worry about a period for almost 4 years. I had it removed when we decided to try for my middle child.

After my 3rd I got another put in. This time it didn't go so well. My periods didnt stop, I had really bad mood swings and I just felt off. I rook pregnancy tests every month because I thought I was pregnant. I know the IUD is supposed to make your body think you are but this was I would have every symptom plus I was having phantom kicks. With my anxiety my DH and I decided to just have it removed. It was removed in Oct '15. We just watched my cycle and used condoms to prevent because we still hadn't decided if we wanted another or if we were done.

I guess just do research on the Mirena. When I was feeling off I did and what I found made us decide to remove it. It may not for you but it's better to be informed.

Also from the research my DH did for vasectomy he didn't see where he would have to take time off to recover. It's an outpatient procedure so just the day off to have it done. Could be wrong on that though.

tuxielove93 · March 2017

I'm still a FTM with a lot of kids ahead of me, but birth control has always been an issue for us, so I'll throw in my $0.02.

I cannot take hormonal birth control. I have tried about 8 different kinds, and all of them just mess with me in a really horrific way. Actually, pregnancy has been pretty hellish too. My body does not react well to hormones.
I also have really sensitive skin, and am allergic to latex, which kills the majority of non-hormonal types. The only thing I could maybe try is the copper IUD, but I'm probably allergic to copper too so....

That all said, DH and I pretty much gave up on using birth control around 2.5 years ago. We were planning to get married, we wanted kids anyways, and although it still isn't a great time financially, it really isn't/wasn't a big deal that we got pregnant. That said, we did family planning and pull out, so we weren't really trying either. That coupled with my likely endometriosis and his, well, issues, and we were actually worried one or both of us might be infertile. And with how long we went without getting pregnant, I was really starting to think we were going to have problems when we did start trying. Heck, we still might for all I know.

I really don't know what we're going to do post baby birth. I don't want another kid super close (2 years is ideal, but definitely not 6 months) and I have no idea how my body will react in terms of periods and ovulation after. I haven't brought that up to him yet. We're probably going to have to use the barrier methods that both of us hate until I become regular again, and even then, idk when we'll stop using them. There such a pain and an expense especially being married, but I know we both don't want another baby too close, and we really want to get better with getting settled and finances before we have the second.

Long term, I wish DH would get the vasectomy, but I doubt he will. Personally, I've already set a hard line at my 35th birthday. No judgement on any one else who has a baby after 35, I just am lucky enough to have gotten married early, am able to have my babies early, and don't want to put my body (or my anxiety) through a later pregnancy. The vasectomy is so much easier, safer, and faster, but DH is terrified of it and completely opposed to it. So I'll be getting whatever surgery it is that ends me being able to get pregnant, and hopefully convince him to do the same. I'm not totally against both of us doing it if I could ever convince him. Double protection. I just really don't want to have more babies after we decide we're done, and with how terrible all the other methods are for us, surgery is really the best option by far. And the most effective, outside of just not having sex.

postywiththemosty · March 2017

Have to agree with @michelle04us about the Mirena. I had it and the first few months with it I gained a good amount of weight and had tons of pregnancy symptoms that made me crazy. I got my period every 3-6 months, but a lot of the time it was gone which was nice. I wouldn't get it again because my mood swings were bad with it also. I enjoyed not having to think about it, but there's always risks too. Like the migration of it through your uterine wall. I know it works great for some and poorly for others due to side effects. I had it a total of three years and overall I was satisfied, but wouldn't get it again.

mamadcb · March 2017

@Dcwtada I do think there's one consideration you haven't mentioned in terms of who has the procedure: ease/success of reversal should you change your minds down the road. If there's no substantial difference then you're back at square one, but if there is that might help in the decision-making. It might also be beneficial for your husband to talk to some men who have had it done. The ones I know seem to think it was no big deal, but I'm sure hindsight helps.

We're going to have DH have the vasectomy. He's had it before (I am his second wife and both our babies are the products of a reversal) and volunteered to have it done again. I think part of his willingness comes in part from having done it before and in part from knowing that I would be willing to keep having kids if he didn't have it done

acstec1 · March 2017

The most common "temporary" birth control I perform is the IUD which most women love because frequently, you don't have a period with this. The new birth control I offer is called nexplanon which is an under the skin implant device that lets off hormones. The doctor that I work with does not perform tubal ligation but we are getting a lot of patients lately coming back with issues such as ectopic prenancies, tubal ligation, dysfunctional uterine bleeding and hormones that are completely out of wack. As a result, several of these women have opted for full hysterectomys as the side effects of the TL are too much for them to carry on with everyday life. This is certainly not with every woman at all, but I've recently seen several with these issues.

(Feeling a little dumb, but I just realized I have two accounts, when I went to retrieve a password, (may have been from when I signed up for the knot) and I posted on another board with a different name. Sorry for the confusion!

SaphireSweetie88 · March 2017

MrsLa3 said:

I think I may have decided on a tubal, but this is number 3 for us. I'm also 24 almost 25 and DH is 27, my OB thinks we should wait bc of my age but I honestly don't want to go through a 4th CS and I don't think we can financially afford another child, not in the next 5 years anyway. Our kids always seem to be 2 years apart. I've never heard of a ectopic pregnancy risk after a tubal, does this really happen? I may have to rethink this option.

FWIW DS was a birth control baby so pills don't always work. If you're not scared to get a depo or IUD, that's always an option. There are pros and cons to each, I think you just have to choose what's best for you.

@MrsLa3 - I know there is a chance of ectopic pregnancy but I *think* the risk is low. My friend had this done after her 3rd child and she thinks she may have been pregnant once but there was no confirmation of it other than a positive pregnancy test. Blood test after the pee test was negative. She had hers done about 4 years ago.

maybeitsmadeline said:

I'm nervous to go on anything with hormones because I feel like my body held onto it and put a lot of things out of wack. @SaphireSweetie88 I think you're referring to depo provera right? I used to work in an OB/GYN office so I'm familiar with some of the stuff that's out there, but there's a lot more now.

DH hates condoms and we aren't sure if we will have another one yet (he wants three, I want to wait and see), otherwise I'm pro-vasectomy. It's not that bad of a surgery or recovery, just more an emotional toll on men because well, they're men.

I'm thinking of going with the copper IUD because I don't want the hormones. I didn't think I could get pregnant because we had tried for a while and per the temping I wasn't ovulating, so it is clear the pull and pray didn't work for us

@maybeitsmadeline - Yes that's what I was thinking of lol

greenbean-2 · March 2017

This is a great thread! I'm leaning toward one more baby after this and would like to wait ~1-2 years before getting pregnant again (so kids would be 2-3 years apart. I don't want to wait too much longer because of my age). I have no idea what to do. I was on the pill before, which was fine, but I'm worried I'll forget to take it with a newborn. I've never had an IUD and to be honest they creep me out a little. But maybe they're actually not so bad?

Long story short, I haven't come up with a good solution. Can't they invent a pill for men already???

postywiththemosty · March 2017

@acstec1 Glad to see you got that figured out! That SN is more familiar.

Xath · March 2017

One thing we recently learned is that in the US healthcare system, tubal ligation is covered 100%. Vasectomys are considered elective procedures and most plans require you to pay 100% out of pocket.

So...a less effective, riskier, less reversible procedure is covered. But the simpler, more effective procedure that also lowers the risk of prostate cancer? You have to pay for that.

BusyZee · March 2017

Ugh birth control. I absolutely hated BC. I was on dianette/Diane for three years and some Lo estrin and some others for a year a half. It absolutely ruined my gut, my sex drive has gone forever (at least what I feel like) and I joke to my H that I only see him as my "best fweind" now. If the pill suits you, fine! but I absolutely hated it, it gave me vaginismus too and would never ever want to take it again. I got off the pill last year march and then went to see my parents for two months and after that we just used Condoms. Gosh they are painful so I hate those too. I will look into an IUD but don't know which will be best for me.

acstec1 · March 2017

@maybeitsmadeline thank you! I was thinking "these women are going to think I am crazy!"

tuxielove93 · March 2017

@GreenBean They're actually working on male birth control! I'm still holding out that DH and I are young enough and they will get it out in time for us to actually be able to use it. It's super effective, but it went back to the drawing board because of the side effects (mood swings, tiredness, basic shit). DH has zero issues with taking a pill since I can't, so I really hope they can get it out.

There's also a device they're working on that you surgically implant and you can switch it off and on. You can turn your sperm on and off. I have no idea where this one is in development though.

This is what happens when you don't want kids yet but mainstream birth control options are sucky for you. You end up down quite the rabbit hole of new inventions.

CPR79 · March 2017

This is a great thread, and I've learned so much from it already. I'm a FTM but I'm also 38 and we plan on being one and one. Honestly we haven't even brought up this topic, but I think my husband would be open to a vasectomy if I asked him. I was on the pill previously our entire relationship, and b/c I was paranoid about getting pregnant we also used condoms. Maybe I'll do an IUD or something similar at first and then we can decide? I loved the regularity and low flow periods with the pill.

Dcwtada · March 2017

Thank everyone so very much for all the stories and advice, I am glad I didn't make an annoying thread.

DH and I definitely want to go the permanent route, he will be 41 when this little guy makes his appearance and oddly enough at his prompting (while watching "this is us") he talked about wanting to try fostering/adopting eventually. We met when he was 37 and while we wanted a family, we are happy with the babies and he really wants us to have some time after the kids are grown and before he gets too old. It's not the idea of more kids it's the time investment and wanting to plan for the future - plus he doesn't want to be an embarrassment to his kids being the "old dad".

My pamphlet said the risk of getting pregnant after a tubal is 8 in 1000 with 20% of those being ectopic - so the risk is very, very low if that's true. Maybe it's just the finality of it on my end that has me concerned - even if we are done, knowing I couldn't is something I need to come to terms with

star_beagle · March 2017

Following this thread as we aren't sure yet how we'll prevent after the baby's born. DH, as an only child, isn't sold on us having another one (yet). Me, with a younger sister, really thinks this little one will need a sibling. All hormonal forms of BC ruined by sex drive and probably contributed to my weight gain (although, that's what they give you when you have undiagnosed PCOS, apparently), so I think we'll just end up tracking my cycles and using condoms.

oheliza44 · March 2017

I was on NuVa ring for years and liked it. I started having issues and eventually went on Skyla, which is the "little sister" to the Mirena IUD. I LOVED it. I typically got really bad, heavy, periods, and didn't get my period at all on Skyla. I also had none of the side-effects that others experienced. I'm planning to go the IUD route again.

Question- how soon after the birth do you start bc? Like, are they going to put the IUD back in immediately after the baby is born or are we just left to our own devices for a couple weeks while my uterus heals? (I know sex is not advised for a period of time after a vb or cs.)

DH and I haven't really discussed how many kids we want to have. I would be happy with just one, but we both have siblings we are really close to and part of me wants my kids to experience life with a sibling. That said, if we do decide to have another I want them more spaced out. I am going to be 30, and DH is 31 (almost 32) so we don't have all the time in the world. When the time comes, he has enthusiastically offered to get a vasectomy.

MrsLa3 · March 2017

@oheliza44 6 weeks, you go back to your OB for a 6 week PP checkup. You get an ok to start sex again if there are no concerns or whatever, and pick a bc if that's what you're doing.

michelle04us · March 2017

@oheliza44 At your 6 week check up the dr will ask what you plan on doing about BC. That is usually when they ok for sex to start back up. I scheduled an appt for 2 weeks later to have the mirena put in. I think (but not sure) if you go BC pill route they would just write a script at that appt for you.

notachanski · March 2017

I'll chime in on the IUD - I also had the mirena after the surprise of my second DD. She was unplanned and I didn't want another unplanned pregnancy right away, so I used the IUD for about 2 years. I was generally happy with it but it did make me feel tired all the time. That being said, I intend to get the mirena again after this delivery. This is my third and my last but I'm not really emotionally ready to get my tubes tied and say I'm officially done.

tuxielove93 · March 2017

@oheliza44 From what I've heard (FTM, so anyone who actually knows feel free to correct me) they say no sex until 6 weeks post partum, but as soon as you get the green light from your doctor at that 6 week appointment, you have to start using something to prevent another pregnancy. You should ovulate before you have your first period, so you wouldn't even know when your fertile again. I have no idea how soon they can put the IUD in, but I'm guessing they have to wait until your uterus goes back to it's normal size and the bleeding stops, which should happen at 6 weeks?

notachanski · March 2017

kerils said:

@oheliza44 From what I've heard (FTM, so anyone who actually knows feel free to correct me) they say no sex until 6 weeks post partum, but as soon as you get the green light from your doctor at that 6 week appointment, you have to start using something to prevent another pregnancy. You should ovulate before you have your first period, so you wouldn't even know when your fertile again. I have no idea how soon they can put the IUD in, but I'm guessing they have to wait until your uterus goes back to it's normal size and the bleeding stops, which should happen at 6 weeks?

I had mine put in about 7 weeks post partum with the stipulation that I hadn't had sex since the delivery. I will do the same this time.

LM1007 · March 2017

+1 on using the pullout method.
It worked for us every time. And with DS1 and this baby, well we didn't use our method. So technically, both pregnancies were planned.
Ive never been on any birth control, always a little skeptical about it. Never liked the idea of inserts and I knew I'd forget to take the pill.
After this time around, I do want to start on some type of birth control because I'd ideally like to wait maybe 3-4 years before baby #3.

Does anyone have any experiences with the depo-shot?

munchkinsmama · March 2017

After DS we went a year using the calander method and pull and pray, we started trying and got our twins, after the twins we did the same for a year before deciding to complete our family. I deliver at a Catholic hospital that I love and have had amazing experiences post delivery, since I cannot get a tubal done during my c-section I refuse to get an additional surgery. After research DH and I both feel a vasectomy is a better option. I don't think he is overly excited but he saw how crazy birth control made me and agrees it's not an option. He is concerned we might decide we want a baby in 5 years but I'm confident we are done. Currently the plan is for him to have surgery in the fall.

supermom83 · March 2017

I will be getting a tubal right after my c-section. This is baby #3 for us, and will be c-section #3 for me, so we are done. It just seems so easy to take an extra 5 minutes during the c-section to do the tubal and be done. Risks are minimal in my opinion.

Every single prevention method comes with a risk/side effect, so it's just what one is personally comfortable with. My mind set is this: If I get an oops baby after a tubal, then it's just meant to be! Many women get pregnant even on birth control, though the odds are on our side!

PurplePumpernickel · March 2017

I find it so interesting that insurers are more likely to cover tubal ligation. From the few childfree friends I have, I've heard the men having MUCH more luck getting a vasectomy than the woman getting a ligation. Because what if she changes her mind?? Grr.

nikkiandchris · March 2017

H is getting a vasectomy. Three c/s later, he can take one for the team here. He knows he has very little argument so he doesn't even try. I want to wait until this baby is a year old just in case, but in the meantime we double up with condoms and contraceptive foam.

chiquita928 · March 2017

We're in a unique situation. Since DH had pituitary cancer at 19, his body stopped producing testosterone on its own. His doctors had him taking an injection of human gonadotropin three times a week for over 10 years. We got pregnant with DS while he was on that. Last year, the doctor said that his testosterone results were considered "low normal" for his age, and changed his medicine to clomiphene. It's my understanding that both do essentially the same thing, telling his body to release the hormones that would stimulate natural testosterone production in the body. We got pregnant this time while on clomiphene. When he was first seen at 19, the doctor said that when he was eventually done having kids, he could take straight testosterone, but that doing so would make him infertile. Unfortunately I was not able to be at these appointments, so I'm foggy on all the details. I'm going to this next appointment to learn more about his medication choices.

If the doctor wants to keep him on clomiphene, then I hope DH will get a vasectomy. I feel bad asking this of him, given all that he's been through, but unless I end up having an unplanned c-section, that would mean a far more invasive surgery for me. Two was always our maximum number of children, so we need to do something. If all this is just too much for him, then I will consider hormonal BC, but I want to look into something other than the pill. I actually prefer being on hormonal BC, because it calms my mood swings. I feel more normal taking it than not, so that's definitely not out of the question.

dancegurl1118 · March 2017

I had the IUD last time postpartum and hated it. I don't know if it was the PPD or the Mirena but I hated it so much. Got it out 9 months after I had it put in because I wanted to track my cycles with the thought of TTC 5 months later.

I was on the pill for 10 years and loved it. The mini pill is the only pill compatible with breastfeeding though and you HAVE to take it at the same time everyday, and that's not possible for me with 2 kids and working days and nights.

If the IUD is still covered I guess I'll do that? I'm toying with doing nothing but I don't trust DH to pull out. I hated the IUD but I guess it's better than being pregnant? Clearly I still have no idea.

Rotu101 · March 2017

I'm pretty sure this is our last baby so I may do the pill for 2 years after baby is born and then hubby will get vasectomy.

manillabar · March 2017

I'm not sure what we'll do. I'd like more children, but I think we'll at least wait 2-3 years before the next one. Pre-TTC and pregnancy I was using the Nuvaring, which I liked a lot! I was even using it to skip periods which is a dream come true for me and my nightmare periods. The only thing I didn't like was it was uncomfortable for me during sex. My doctor said it could stay in but we both feel it and it feels weird. I've been thinking about maybe going for a Mirena (again, trying to get away with skipping periods lol) but I'm not sure yet.

LuLiLaEv · March 2017

I'm 99.9% certain that we're done after this one. But there's still that small chance so I don't want to do anything permanent yet. I'll probably just go back on the pill. I'm good about taking it and it doesn't affect me hormonally. If in a couple years we're still good with 2 and feel done then DH will probably get a vasectomy. I'm hoping after DD2 is born our family will feel complete and I'll know we're done, but I'm not ready to make that decision yet.

nononorman · March 2017

I'm going to buck the trend here and say... I'm not sure if we will do any bc after this baby. I'm a FTM and we (think at least right now) that we want 2 or 3. However many, I would like them to be close in age. Not shooting for Irish twins or anything but I'd like for them to be less than two years apart, with maybe 1.5 being the target. DH and I will discuss more when we get there but I'm not really planning on going back on the pill.

Dcwtada · March 2017

@potterphile I did that exact thing between my 1st and 2nd, they were a year apart to the week. I know it is not the ideal situation for everyone but it has worked wonderfully for us and I wouldn't do it any other way. All three of our kids (if this last one comes on schedule) will have birthdays within a week, we will have one that just turned 3, one that will be turning 2 and this little one.

glitterfish-2 · March 2017

I'm the odd duck here because I prefer condoms! Ugh, ttc was so messy - DH can do that cleanup himself!

FFFC- We went back to using condoms after getting pregnant!

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