Why the hell do you think I wanted to be center of the community?!!? All I did was share my story and everyone blew up on me! I never tried to take away from anyone else posting here!! Ugh.
@SquirttheTurtle I stop when everyone else stops. I tried to end the discussion, but more unnecessary rude things were said about me. Once people just drop it, I'll go.
So, I haven't posted on here in a LONG time, but I figured this would be an ok thread to explain what I've been up to since my life has been one big WTF recently. *if you want the short story skip the long paragraphs*.
Everything started back in December, when we announced our pregnancy. We thought everyone would be so excited for us, and they were, except one person. DH's sister. She never said one word when we told her and her reaction was snarky. She's the jealous type. Like REALLY jealous, and loves all the attention on her. And lately DH and I have been getting all the attention because we got married a year ago, bought a house, he joined the military, and now the baby.
Fast forward about a month. We get a call from DH's mom in tears (on her birthday btw) and tells us his sister is pregnant. Great. Soon to find out she purposefully stopped taking her birth control in January, right after we announced the pregnancy. She's 18, not married, no job, and living with her dad. Her boyfriend is so wonderful too, which I'll get to in a second. But basically, she announced her pregnancy thinking she'd get the same reaction as me and DH, but she most certainly didn't. Which really drove her crazy. She swears up and down that her relationship is just as important and exactly the same as me and my husband, even though she'd only been with her BF for 3 months before getting knocked up. But now, she's turned it into a competition which has been extremely stressful on me.
About a week later we find out her wonderful boyfriend has been dealing with illegal matters. The kind of stuff that puts you behind bars for 20 years minimum. Does she leave him? No, she wants to be a "ride or die" girlfriend and he's her "family" now. So with all the stress and the back and forth fighting between everyone in the family, we think it can't get worse. Well, it did. A week ago her BF's house got raided, and they found out her BF stole my husbands and father in laws hunting guns from them, because they were at my FIL's house tucked in the basement. Needless to say my FIL is pressing charges and the punk is in jail and has court next month. But, of course, my SIL still loves him and visits him everyday despite what he did to the family. We just hope he gets locked up for awhile so she can get some sense knocked into her. But now I finally feel a little more peace that he's gone, and hope things go smoothly from here. I can't handle anymore of this stress.
So i guess, long story short my SIL got pregnant to try and get the spotlight off of me, but that plan backfired and now we're dealing with her baby daddy being locked up and her being a blind lovesick child. She got the attention on her, but not the kind she wanted. Seriously, these past few months have been such a WTF.
Because of all this drama, everyone seems to be forgetting about my pregnancy because we're so busy with her. It's horrible, especially since this is my first child and will be both of our parents first grand baby.
Since my family isn't too worried about my pregnancy, I post a lot on FB to get support from other people. Which has led to one of my FB friends who is exactly a month behind me in her pregnancy also trying to obviously compete. If I post a status about baby, she does too. If I post a bump pic she posts a bump pic. I announced baby's gender at 20 weeks and she went to get a blood test the very next day so she could announce her baby's gender too. I've noticed with a couple other people too, and how I notice other pregnant woman "side-eyeing" my bump in public.
So I guess a WTF for me is, why does it seem like so many pregnant women want to compete? Why can't we all just be happy for each other! I Feel like I might be the only one who notices that. It's so childish to me. Does anyone else notice this, or am I just crazy?
Anyway, this was sooooo long but I wanted to get back and give an explanation I guess, and also maybe entertain some people with my dramatic WTF life lol.
QFP
Highly monitored internet and no cell service in the office, so I'm postin' and ghostin' while I'm workin'
@SquirttheTurtle I stop when everyone else stops. I tried to end the discussion, but more unnecessary rude things were said about me. Once people just drop it, I'll go.
@SquirttheTurtle I stop when everyone else stops. I tried to end the discussion, but more unnecessary rude things were said about me. Once people just drop it, I'll go.
Well, you don't have to have the last word. Let it go, no one has blown up on you. You're getting your feelings hurt because not everyone is agreeing with you. And that's fine, but it's the internet. Furthermore, you don't have to go anyhere, stay here get SUPPORT, but don't get your panties in a wad because people say what they want..on the internet..with strangers.
I hate how rude everyone is being. I don't want attention from anyone.
you first two posts "back" here were an AW of your ultrasound and this WTF whining about SIL "stealing your spotlight". But you aren't looking for attention...
@LuLiLaEv seriously everything has been so calm and everyone has gotten along so nicely ever since @TheMommyofTwoLittles aka carsonsmom took a hike I thought we were moving on to bigger and better things. Guess not.
@mamaspraggie nobody asked you to leave. And nobody was rude or blew up on you. We all just tried to give you some perspective. And frankly, relying on FB to give you some sort of validation that you and your pregnancy are important is unhealthy. This community is wonderful for support when someone actually needs it. And I think everyone who responded was trying to make you realize that you have a little bit of "everyone is SO jealous of me" sort of mentality. I have people IRL who are like this and it's irritating. Steering you away from being that sort of person is doing you a favor.
I think you should stick around. I do think it would do you good if you don't have anyone in your life to really talk to. But please don't take it personally when we don't agree with you and try to give you perspective.
BFP May 2013 - MMC at 8 weeks BFP September 2013 - MMC at 12 weeks BFP February 2014 - early loss/CP at 4.5 weeks BFP May 2014 - MMC/ complete molar pregnancy at 11 weeks BFP December 2015 - DD born 8/18/2015 BFP November 2016 - pending...
I don't need people to agree with me. I didn't ask for that. I also didn't ask for people to pity me. Or to give me attention. Everyone is just jumping on the bandwagon. Those were NEVER my intentions. Just understand what I'm saying, that's all I've been trying to do. It's ok to say you understand but don't agree. But no one has understood what I've said and taken everything in a way I haven't meant, so when I try to correct it it just makes it worse. Now everyone is against me, I'm not even trying to argue anymore. I'm just defending myself because it's obviously turned into attacks.
I don't understand where any of this went wrong. This has seriously turned into a bigger deal than it needs to be. It shouldn't be a big deal at all.
I don't need people to agree with me. I didn't ask for that. I also didn't ask for people to pity me. Or to give me attention. Everyone is just jumping on the bandwagon. Those were NEVER my intentions. Just understand what I'm saying, that's all I've been trying to do. It's ok to say you understand but don't agree. But no one has understood what I've said and taken everything in a way I haven't meant, so when I try to correct it it just makes it worse. Now everyone is against me, I'm not even trying to argue anymore. I'm just defending myself because it's obviously turned into attacks.
I don't understand where any of this went wrong. This has seriously turned into a bigger deal than it needs to be. It shouldn't be a big deal at all.
I posted my US and AU because I had them, and wanted to catch up. Like I said, I hadn't posted in a while so it was more of an update on what's up than a "hey look at me" thing. Otherwise everyone that posts there must be wanting attention too. Ugh.
I appreciated the perspective from the people who put it kindly. I thanked them. It was civil. I do understand that some of my feelings were wrong, and the nice people here let me know that. I only defended myself to the people speaking wrongly of my situation, so in my attempt to clear stuff up I only made it worse. And then everyone jumped on the wrong side, and now it's a lost cause.
I'm pretty sure you got sympathy here from others on this this thread regarding your situation with your SIL @mamaspraggie but after reading all the back and forth with you, you are coming across very immature. I also love @MrsLa3 response to a different way on seeing your situation with your SIL. You are obviously in a better place than she is. Being supportive and showing actual concern for her can be just what she needs now.
I don't need people to agree with me. I didn't ask for that. I also didn't ask for people to pity me. Or to give me attention. Everyone is just jumping on the bandwagon. Those were NEVER my intentions. Just understand what I'm saying, that's all I've been trying to do. It's ok to say you understand but don't agree. But no one has understood what I've said and taken everything in a way I haven't meant, so when I try to correct it it just makes it worse. Now everyone is against me, I'm not even trying to argue anymore. I'm just defending myself because it's obviously turned into attacks.
I don't understand where any of this went wrong. This has seriously turned into a bigger deal than it needs to be. It shouldn't be a big deal at all.
Calm down, you're the only one making it a big deal. I understand, yea, I get it. Your feelings are hurt because none of family is in your face about your pregnancy. So? Maybe they'll change after you have your baby? You were venting, we all got it. But that doesn't mean we actually have to say so. No one is against you did I miss something? You've now had two people to tell you to stay. Stop clutching your pearls and get on with life.
If people actually realized I was venting they wouldn't say I posted it for attention or to have people throw me a pity party.
I do show concern for my SIL. I support her, I've told her she'll be a good mom, i tried to bond with her over this, I call her and text her and offer her help constantly. She refuses it all, and I can't do anything about that.
If I'm immature for sticking up for myself and speaking for my case, then fine.
@mamaspraggie, I have genuine confusion. I apologize for just skimming your post, and not reading the responses, so maybe this has been covered. My confusion is when you asked why pregnant women have to compete and why can't we all just be happy for each other, it seems like you haven't been very happy about you SIL's pregnancy. Since you can't change it, and it's not your problem to deal with maybe you should just be happy for her. Idk, but it seems like everyone is supposed to be happy for you but you don't have to be happy for them. Confusing.
I'm always one for just letting things go - so @mamaspraggie, let this one go and move on. The group is pretty good about moving on from "arguments" as long as no one was directly attacked. So just keep participating (in other discussions... not the current one. Haha) and I'm sure you'll find it's a good group.
I didnt really have an opinion about your original post. I get where you think SIL is trying to upstage you. The people in public probably is just you being paranoid - and maybe it's bc you have been missing family support so you're questioning what everyone thinks at this point.
Anyway, I hope you stick around and find some support here.
This will be my last post, because I'm sick of saying the same thing over and over and I'm just trying to clear things up I'm pretty sure everyone thinks I'm sitting behind the screen typing away looking like grumpy cat, but I'm bawling my eyes out typing all of these responses. I know I'm probably overreacting, and shouldn't cry so much over strangers, and it's just the internet, but it hurts being accused by so many people of something that isn't true. It did feel like an attack, because everyone was claiming I'm a needy attention whore.
I didn't see the harm in venting to a bunch of random women. I really didn't. I didn't expect a lot of people to read it or respond at all. I didn't care. I just posted it. I didn't post it to be the center of attention in the group, or to throw a pity party for myself. The only person that responded last night just wanted to talk about SIL's, so we went off on a tangent about how crazy they can be sometimes and how families can be stressful. Now everyone read into thinking I wanted to come on here and just talk smack about her, which isn't true. I get up this morning to a response that took me back a bit that was pretty dramatic (in my eyes) so I responded. I welcomed the criticism that was civil, and deferred the stuff that wasn't. I guess that was my mistake.
I dont get how this all turned into me being an attention whore. If I was, I'd go out of my way to try and "steal the spotlight" back, or actively compete with other women. But I don't. I just shrug and deal with it.
apparently I should just go because I "won't be able to get all the attention my needy self wants and be the center of everything here." Because you know, that was my goal. And I get it, everyone has been here awhile so who am I to just invite myself back in.
But you guys are totally right about some stuff. My family doesn't give a shit about me, that's why they don't answer calls or messages. My friends don't give a shit either because I get the same stuff from them. I know that no one actually gives a shit when I post on Facebook or make a status about getting my US soon. Trust me, I'm well aware that I mean practically nothing to these people anymore. Everyone already acts like I don't exist because I moved so far away. That's why the short bit of notice I got for my baby was nice, until it was deliberately taken from me. Obviously it disappointed me. But I'm not outwardly bitter about it. I'm used to it. When my husband left for overseas, everyone forgot I existed. They only talked to me when he was around. I work from home, do classes online, so I have practically zero interaction with world. I turn to FB and groups because I don't feel so alone. I know it's unhealthy and stupid. I KNOW.
I KNOW my SIL's situation is more important than mine. That's why I don't try to take any time away from her and try to help her. I don't complain to anyone IRL about these things or my feelings. Which I think everyone gets the impression I do. They think I'm perfectly ok with it, even if deep down it hurts me.
Thank you all for reminding me how pathetic I am, and making me aware that I'm a horrible person For being upset about not getting even a second of attention from people I care about because I literally get none at all.
Its hard to understand what people really mean when you're just reading through a screen, and you don't always know everyone's full story. I wanted to innocently complain online but it blew up in my face.
Im honestly really sorry if I hurt people's feelings or gave off a wrong impression. I didn't expect this BS to blow up like this. Everything is just one big misunderstanding, and I'm really sorry to everyone.
@Twinkiedoll your bandit critter problems sounds like a nightmare! My parents had to use a critter capture company for squirrels that were getting stuck in a crawlspace. They set traps and were able to humanely catch them and release as well as patch their entry points into the house. Maybe that is something you want to consider?
Not going to lie, I have to giggle a little bit because finding mysterious poop piles reminds me of college when we had a person who kept pooping in the women's dorm shower and people freaked out, for obvious reason. LOL
I really don't want to reopen this debate, but mamapraggie's last post made me so sad.
@mamaspraggie If you're still reading- It sounds like you've been through a lot of changes in a very short period of time, and are dealing with pretty strong feelings of isolation. A lot of us have been there. I hope that you do find someone to talk to about all these feelings in real life - a minister, a therapist, maybe an old friend that you can reconnect with, maybe a new friend. You shouldn't have to deal with all of this alone.
This will be my last post, because I'm sick of saying the same thing over and over and I'm just trying to clear things up I'm pretty sure everyone thinks I'm sitting behind the screen typing away looking like grumpy cat, but I'm bawling my eyes out typing all of these responses. I know I'm probably overreacting, and shouldn't cry so much over strangers, and it's just the internet, but it hurts being accused by so many people of something that isn't true. It did feel like an attack, because everyone was claiming I'm a needy attention whore.
I didn't see the harm in venting to a bunch of random women. I really didn't. I didn't expect a lot of people to read it or respond at all. I didn't care. I just posted it. I didn't post it to be the center of attention in the group, or to throw a pity party for myself. The only person that responded last night just wanted to talk about SIL's, so we went off on a tangent about how crazy they can be sometimes and how families can be stressful. Now everyone read into thinking I wanted to come on here and just talk smack about her, which isn't true. I get up this morning to a response that took me back a bit that was pretty dramatic (in my eyes) so I responded. I welcomed the criticism that was civil, and deferred the stuff that wasn't. I guess that was my mistake.
I dont get how this all turned into me being an attention whore. If I was, I'd go out of my way to try and "steal the spotlight" back, or actively compete with other women. But I don't. I just shrug and deal with it.
apparently I should just go because I "won't be able to get all the attention my needy self wants and be the center of everything here." Because you know, that was my goal. And I get it, everyone has been here awhile so who am I to just invite myself back in.
But you guys are totally right about some stuff. My family doesn't give a shit about me, that's why they don't answer calls or messages. My friends don't give a shit either because I get the same stuff from them. I know that no one actually gives a shit when I post on Facebook or make a status about getting my US soon. Trust me, I'm well aware that I mean practically nothing to these people anymore. Everyone already acts like I don't exist because I moved so far away. That's why the short bit of notice I got for my baby was nice, until it was deliberately taken from me. Obviously it disappointed me. But I'm not outwardly bitter about it. I'm used to it. When my husband left for overseas, everyone forgot I existed. They only talked to me when he was around. I work from home, do classes online, so I have practically zero interaction with world. I turn to FB and groups because I don't feel so alone. I know it's unhealthy and stupid. I KNOW.
I KNOW my SIL's situation is more important than mine. That's why I don't try to take any time away from her and try to help her. I don't complain to anyone IRL about these things or my feelings. Which I think everyone gets the impression I do. They think I'm perfectly ok with it, even if deep down it hurts me.
Thank you all for reminding me how pathetic I am, and making me aware that I'm a horrible person For being upset about not getting even a second of attention from people I care about because I literally get none at all.
Its hard to understand what people really mean when you're just reading through a screen, and you don't always know everyone's full story. I wanted to innocently complain online but it blew up in my face.
Im honestly really sorry if I hurt people's feelings or gave off a wrong impression. I didn't expect this BS to blow up like this. Everything is just one big misunderstanding, and I'm really sorry to everyone.
*lurking from June*
are you by any chance related to CarsonsMommy? Asking for a friend.
@Twinkiedoll OMG what a nightmare. I'm so sorry. It's possible that something did get stuck in your house, and if you can, I would call an exterminator or an SPCA and get them out there ASAP before the thing dies in your house and you're left to find...well... a stinking, rotting corpse. They might be able to humanely trap whatever it is, but if you're still finding poop and you think you've sealed the house, you probably did trap something. Not to be gross, but how big is the poop, and is it always in the same spot? Cats have pretty small poops and prefer to go in the same spot all the time, although I'm pretty sure a cat would be trying to hide it, not leaving it in the middle of the floor. Dogs on the other hand don't care where they go. Is it possibly a raccoon or something along those lines?
Hubby and Me Friends since 2008 Started dating: July 1st, 2013 Engaged: July 1st, 2014 Married: July 1st, 2016 R born: July 8th, 2017 N born: June 30th, 2019 Baby #3 Due: July 7th, 2022 (maybe I only ovulate in October XD)
I sincerely hope you find the peace and support you need. And although this definitely isn't a support group, it is a boisterous community of expecting mothers who offer each other advice, perspective and the occasional laughs.
I'm trying myself to get more involved in the group because I value the experience that all the STMs+ can offer and the reassurance from other FTMs who are navigating these uncharted waters along with me. As others have mentioned, I think it would be good for you to stick around, too.
Calm down, you're the only one making it a big deal. I understand, yea, I get it. Your feelings are hurt because none of family is in your face about your pregnancy. So? Maybe they'll change after you have your baby? You were venting, we all got it. But that doesn't mean we actually have to say so. No one is against you did I miss something? You've now had two people to tell you to stay. Stop clutching your pearls and get on with life.
My UO: I think we need to have "Cute Kitten GIF Thursdays" or something, because geez. Maybe "Muffin Recipe Thursdays?" Whatta ya think?
Or a thread of live commentary of the April the Giraffe feed- I've become obsessed. Someone get that poor giraffe spicy food and a yoga ball to get her labor rolling! Sheesh.
@oheliza44 Agreed...ridiculous that the drama was all made-up. The giraffe was never even NEAR active labor, and the news shard the video with a cation that April is going to give birth LIVE ANY MINUTE!!! Unless April and the Drama Llama are friends...
Re: WTF Wednesday 3/8
Married: 6/2016
TTC:6/2016
BFP: 11/22/2016 | EDD: 7/29/2017
Highly monitored internet and no cell service in the office, so I'm postin' and ghostin' while I'm workin'
Married: 6/2016
TTC:6/2016
BFP: 11/22/2016 | EDD: 7/29/2017
@mamaspraggie nobody asked you to leave. And nobody was rude or blew up on you. We all just tried to give you some perspective. And frankly, relying on FB to give you some sort of validation that you and your pregnancy are important is unhealthy.
This community is wonderful for support when someone actually needs it. And I think everyone who responded was trying to make you realize that you have a little bit of "everyone is SO jealous of me" sort of mentality. I have people IRL who are like this and it's irritating. Steering you away from being that sort of person is doing you a favor.
I think you should stick around. I do think it would do you good if you don't have anyone in your life to really talk to. But please don't take it personally when we don't agree with you and try to give you perspective.
BFP September 2013 - MMC at 12 weeks
BFP February 2014 - early loss/CP at 4.5 weeks
BFP May 2014 - MMC/ complete molar pregnancy at 11 weeks
BFP December 2015 - DD born 8/18/2015
BFP November 2016 - pending...
I don't understand where any of this went wrong. This has seriously turned into a bigger deal than it needs to be. It shouldn't be a big deal at all.
@mamaspraggie
NO ONE ATTACKED YOU.
I appreciated the perspective from the people who put it kindly. I thanked them. It was civil. I do understand that some of my feelings were wrong, and the nice people here let me know that. I only defended myself to the people speaking wrongly of my situation, so in my attempt to clear stuff up I only made it worse. And then everyone jumped on the wrong side, and now it's a lost cause.
I do show concern for my SIL. I support her, I've told her she'll be a good mom, i tried to bond with her over this, I call her and text her and offer her help constantly. She refuses it all, and I can't do anything about that.
If I'm immature for sticking up for myself and speaking for my case, then fine.
I didnt really have an opinion about your original post. I get where you think SIL is trying to upstage you. The people in public probably is just you being paranoid - and maybe it's bc you have been missing family support so you're questioning what everyone thinks at this point.
Anyway, I hope you stick around and find some support here.
I'm pretty sure everyone thinks I'm sitting behind the screen typing away looking like grumpy cat, but I'm bawling my eyes out typing all of these responses. I know I'm probably overreacting, and shouldn't cry so much over strangers, and it's just the internet, but it hurts being accused by so many people of something that isn't true. It did feel like an attack, because everyone was claiming I'm a needy attention whore.
I didn't see the harm in venting to a bunch of random women. I really didn't. I didn't expect a lot of people to read it or respond at all. I didn't care. I just posted it. I didn't post it to be the center of attention in the group, or to throw a pity party for myself. The only person that responded last night just wanted to talk about SIL's, so we went off on a tangent about how crazy they can be sometimes and how families can be stressful. Now everyone read into thinking I wanted to come on here and just talk smack about her, which isn't true. I get up this morning to a response that took me back a bit that was pretty dramatic (in my eyes) so I responded. I welcomed the criticism that was civil, and deferred the stuff that wasn't. I guess that was my mistake.
I dont get how this all turned into me being an attention whore. If I was, I'd go out of my way to try and "steal the spotlight" back, or actively compete with other women. But I don't. I just shrug and deal with it.
apparently I should just go because I "won't be able to get all the attention my needy self wants and be the center of everything here." Because you know, that was my goal. And I get it, everyone has been here awhile so who am I to just invite myself back in.
But you guys are totally right about some stuff.
My family doesn't give a shit about me, that's why they don't answer calls or messages. My friends don't give a shit either because I get the same stuff from them. I know that no one actually gives a shit when I post on Facebook or make a status about getting my US soon. Trust me, I'm well aware that I mean practically nothing to these people anymore. Everyone already acts like I don't exist because I moved so far away. That's why the short bit of notice I got for my baby was nice, until it was deliberately taken from me. Obviously it disappointed me. But I'm not outwardly bitter about it. I'm used to it. When my husband left for overseas, everyone forgot I existed. They only talked to me when he was around. I work from home, do classes online, so I have practically zero interaction with world. I turn to FB and groups because I don't feel so alone. I know it's unhealthy and stupid. I KNOW.
I KNOW my SIL's situation is more important than mine. That's why I don't try to take any time away from her and try to help her. I don't complain to anyone IRL about these things or my feelings. Which I think everyone gets the impression I do. They think I'm perfectly ok with it, even if deep down it hurts me.
Thank you all for reminding me how pathetic I am, and making me aware that I'm a horrible person For being upset about not getting even a second of attention from people I care about because I literally get none at all.
Its hard to understand what people really mean when you're just reading through a screen, and you don't always know everyone's full story. I wanted to innocently complain online but it blew up in my face.
Im honestly really sorry if I hurt people's feelings or gave off a wrong impression. I didn't expect this BS to blow up like this. Everything is just one big misunderstanding, and I'm really sorry to everyone.
Not going to lie, I have to giggle a little bit because finding mysterious poop piles reminds me of college when we had a person who kept pooping in the women's dorm shower and people freaked out, for obvious reason. LOL
@mamaspraggie If you're still reading- It sounds like you've been through a lot of changes in a very short period of time, and are dealing with pretty strong feelings of isolation. A lot of us have been there. I hope that you do find someone to talk to about all these feelings in real life - a minister, a therapist, maybe an old friend that you can reconnect with, maybe a new friend. You shouldn't have to deal with all of this alone.
are you by any chance related to CarsonsMommy? Asking for a friend.
Friends since 2008
Started dating: July 1st, 2013
Engaged: July 1st, 2014
Married: July 1st, 2016
R born: July 8th, 2017
N born: June 30th, 2019
Baby #3 Due: July 7th, 2022
(maybe I only ovulate in October XD)
Me: 26 Him: 27
Dating: 5/2011 Married: 6/2014
Mirena out/TTC: 02/2016
BFP #1: 12/01/2016
EDD: 07/24/2017
I'm trying myself to get more involved in the group because I value the experience that all the STMs+ can offer and the reassurance from other FTMs who are navigating these uncharted waters along with me. As others have mentioned, I think it would be good for you to stick around, too.
Married: 6/2016
TTC:6/2016
BFP: 11/22/2016 | EDD: 7/29/2017
Me: 26 Him: 27
Dating: 5/2011 Married: 6/2014
Mirena out/TTC: 02/2016
BFP #1: 12/01/2016
EDD: 07/24/2017
Or a thread of live commentary of the April the Giraffe feed- I've become obsessed. Someone get that poor giraffe spicy food and a yoga ball to get her labor rolling! Sheesh.
Edit because the picture cut off the text.
Eta: my sentence ended at April and it didn't sound right.