March 2017 - Introduce yourself

SaphireSweetie88 · March 2017

If you're new to the boards and / or have been lurking for a while, please introduce yourself and tell us a little bit about you so we can get to know you! No judgement here regardless of which group you would fall into (adopted / adopting / fostered / fostering / placed a child, etc).

SaphireSweetie88 · March 2017

I did my intro a while ago, but I will post it again in case some haven't seen it yet.

I was born to a teenage mother who was (and still is) a raging alcoholic who was (and probably still is) in and out of jail. Due to her drinking issues (including while pregnant) I was born with a hole in my heart. A local church helped raise money for my surgery but she spent most of it on alcohol and who knows what else.

She was not a good mother (harsh I know) but I don't know if the blame can be placed 100% on her because the support system she had was not much a support system. At some point, she moved in with a guy and his father. They were really the only support she had. I grew up under the assumption this guy was my biological father (found out at 18 he wasn't). This guy was worse she was - in and out of prison. He also sexually assaulted me when I was younger (before I was adopted) as well.

While my mother was "working" with the courts to learn how to be a good mother, social services was called on her a number of times for missing appointments, me being severely sick and her not bringing me to the doctor / follow-up doctor appointments, etc

Before I was adopted, I was placed in foster care at 18 months old. The courts tried to help my birth mother a couple times to see if she was capable of being a mother. The courts eventually determined she wasn't capable of being a fit mother and eventually she lost all parental rights.

I met my birth mother again when I was 18 (the only change she made was getting worse). The only good thing that came out of meeting her was I no longer wondered "what if" when it came to her. I asked about my biological father and after some convincing she admitted the guy I assumed it was, wasn't my father and so she told me who my biological father was (he's no better than her).

I didn't contact my biological father for a few years after that because he is in prison for sexual assault of a child (his 2nd offense) and that hit home a little too hard for me. I did start writing him to get some information for medical records and things but we don't really talk about much of anything. He knows I'm married, etc but that's it. He has mentioned multiple times that he would like me and my husband to come visit him but I haven't visited so far.

I was sent to several potential families and sent back to foster care for one reason or another before finally being adopted just before my 7th birthday.

There's more I could mention but I am sure anyone reading this gets the idea. I am willing to answer any questions you may have.

Axl2 · March 2017

Hi, so my husband and myself are on the waiting list for open adoption. We tried to get pregnant for a year with no luck. I knew that there was something wrong with me. We eventually went for testing the first round of test come back normal. When I did the dye test I found out my right tube is blocked. So the doctors told me that my only option was IVF. We paid the $300 to do the information session for IVF and I decided I couldn't do. I kind of always wanted to adopt my husband wasn't so sure. Then once I called an agency asked all the question he wanted to know we booked the seminar. So now 3 years later we are coming up on 1 year update for the adoption agency. I have my days where I'm excited and imagine that day when we get that phone call. I have started buying things for the baby. But then I have the days where I don't think any birth mom would pick us specially with how messed up my family and with some of my health issues.

ali_gator11 · March 2017

Good morning!

My wife and I became foster parents a little over a year ago. We originally started the process with the intention of adopting; it's something my wife has always wanted to do. Instead, we started with a 10-year-old boy who was very much so on the reunification track. His story got us from the get go. After having him two weeks, we received a call for a 2-month-old, drug exposed baby who had just come in to care. Babies were not on our approved list (nor did we have ANYTHING for a baby) but again, her story got us. No one in the county would accept her as a placement due to her drug exposure and withdrawal. We did not know what we were getting ourselves into.

Anyway, the little boy reunified with his mother (who we adored!) and the little girl is still with us now, a year later. Her goal has been changed to adoption and she is quite possibly the best thing that has ever happened to us.

I should mention -- we started this whole foster care journey while we were still engaged, living in a 700 sq. foot apartment, trying to juggle school meetings, doctors appointments, and wedding planning. The little boy was RU about five months before our wedding and our little girl ended up being the flower girl in our wedding

I would never recommend foster care to any unmarried couple. It was HELL. But we are happy with the outcome and will be so, so relieved when her adoption is finalized.

SaphireSweetie88 · March 2017

@Axl2 - Welcome!

@alihager11 - Welcome!

blackrose-9 · March 2017

Hello, I'm new to this board so I'll tell you a little about myself. My husband and I were married for three years and for the full three years we tried starting our own family. We started fertility treatments towards the end of 2016 and had no luck. Unfortunately, my husband and I are getting a divorce now. I've been considering continuing the treatments alone with the use of a donor sperm. A few days ago though, my friend told me about a little girl that has changed my mind. My friend has recently found out that there's a four month old little girl in need of a home. The little girl is blind and sadly the family wants to find her another home, but hasn't found anyone willing to adopt her. I am completely set on giving this little girl a loving family and if not me I hope someone else can. Today I will be contacting the family and hopefully some good news can come from it! I'm new to the adoption idea so I definitely don't everything, but I'm hopeful!

britters314 · March 2017

@BlackRose That's so sad about the little girl, but hopefully it works out that you can give her a home! That is definitely a different path than most people take to adopt, so it'd be interesting to hear how it works out and what you have to do to get it all official.

blackrose-9 · March 2017

@britters314 Thank you! I've been told its possible just not many people do it. My mother in law works at the attorney's office and she says that haven't done something like that in a long time so she's looking into it for me. I've also been reading the state's adoption laws and I found that the parents need to fill out a consent for the adoption which is witnessed by a legal source ( attorney, lawyers,etc) and in it they must state whether they want an agency to take the child or for a specific person to adopt her. After that I'm not exactly sure if its the same process for the rest since the parents are stating they want a specific person to adopt them. Since I am in the military I am able to use their legal sources as well if things get too complicated. I just feel bad for the little girl and hope that she is able to find a loving home in the end.

March 2017 - Introduce yourself

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