So, last night we had just walked in our building after going out to dinner, and the night doorman was there, so we chatted with him for a minute. He's nice enough, but he's older, and he says a lot of inappropriate things. (Last week I heard him tell a black woman her baby was "cute like chocolate," and when our gay neighbors moved in he told me there were "nice men, but they live unnaturally. You should watch your husband doesn't become friends with them.") So, he immediately started rubbing my belly, which was super awkward, and then told me, with his hand still on my belly, that the baby must be a boy because it isn't stealing my beauty like girls do. Then he turned to DH, and said he's lucky because pregnant women "are like animals in bed," and winks at him. When I told the front office about it this morning, they laughed it off as if he just says the darndest thigs, and told me to just ignore him, he's retiring next year anyway.
@lap018 Your story is also such a great example too of how we just don't know someone else's story. Like how on earth were you to know that you would need to be induced. Laboring on Pitocin is no joke. You get to have a birth plan and you get to throw it out the window whenever you need to and neither of those decisions are anyone's business but your own.
@amandarene112 older people kill me with their total lack of filter. On the one hand I can't help but giggle on the inside because those comments are just so beyond weird. On the other hand, I can't fathom how someone can think it's not offensive to tell someone her baby is cute like chocolate.
**TW**
Me & DH: 32 Married 2013 Kiddo #1: Sept 2015 BFP: 1/19, EDD: 9/30
"I'm having fruit salad for dinner. Well, it's mostly just grapes, actually. Ok all grapes. Fermented grapes. Fine, I'm having wine for dinner."
"How many weeks are you? .... Oh, this baby was conceived around Thanksgiving, huh?" <-- My boss. I was gobsmacked when he actually said that to me. Then again, he is the same person who discusses telling his daughters' underwear apart by how the older one gets her's at Victoria's Secret.
"Why are you seeing a midwife? Are you going to have one of those weird/ gross/ hippie home births? Is that really safe?" I'm planning a hospital birth, but the lack of information out there about certified nurse midwives is astounding.
"Are you sure this was planned? Having 2 under 2 is going to be a nightmare." Um, thanks for the advice? I'm trying to avoid worrying about advanced maternal age, as I'll turn 34 a week after this LO is born. If we ever decide we want another one (probably not, but you never know), we probably wouldn't wait long after this one, either.
I am really amazed at the comments you all have gotten. Since I only told (like 4) close girlfriends early on, I haven't gotten any such comments, but now that I'm 14w I'm starting to tell people and it'll be interesting if I get any comments worth sharing! The only thing I've heard twice is that "you don't look pregnant," but I don't think that's wrong to say.
The few times that I've heard someone ask a pregnant woman if the pregnancy was planned or not... I am always like, "Really? In what universe do you think this is appropriate?" I heard it said once by coworkers and then another time at a book club. I happen to be closer to the other side of the spectrum (I'm a direct descendant of a Mayflower pilgrim, after all!), and sometimes I wish I could feel more comfortable talking about certain things, but I hope I never feel comfortable asking pregnant women any of these questions, especially if I don't know them very well. Kudos for refraining from slapping these people in the face! ;-P
Colleague, right after I told him I was pregnant: 'Really? But you have that (important, work-related) course coming up... aren't you afraid they'll fire you because you got pregnant before completing it?'
Me: (in my head) Um, dude, you realize it's 2017 AND we work for the federal government, right? No way they're going to fire a female employee for getting pregnant...
Me: (out loud, because fortunately my sarcasm has a filter): Pretty sure it won't be a problem.
I work at a bank and am friends with some regular customers. One man overheard me talking about my pregnancy with a friend before him in line. When it was his turn he said "so how's little mama?" I mean I know he was being friendly, but I don't know you well enough for you to EVER refer to me as little mama sir...
When I said I was feeling good overall he then asked if it was planned. To which I replied "This baby was very much hoped for for the better part of a year. It just took time due to some health issues but we are very excited to finally be pregnant". Then he said "Wow, a year. Well the tryin, is the fun part, am I right?? *wink*" to which I just awkwardly laughed.
But wow. Excuse you, a**hole. Yeah it's tons of fun going through infertility and having sex on a schedule even when you're not in the mood after taking a million ovulation tests, taking medicine that makes you feel like you are simultaneously going through puberty and menopause, and having a conversation with DH about cervical mucous. Yep. SO. MUCH. FUN!!
Me: 26 DH:25 Married:August 2015 TTC #1 since April 2016
When I was pregnant in 2015 with my DS my annoying female coworker would stop me and say "oh your getting a belly on you", um yeah I am pregnant. She would say that just about every week like I should be surprised. A couple times when I was passing her in the hall she would say "look who is growing boobs" which was totally shocking and inappropriate! She had no filter and I guess thought I enjoyed hearing her point out all the differences my body was going through during pregnancy. Luckily she retired and I changed departments so I don't have to deal with her this pregnancy!
I also hate all the questions everyone asks as many of you have mentioned, especially the "were you trying" and "why would you want to start all over when you have a teenager already".
Has anyone else gotten unwelcome comments about circumcision? I feel like ever since we announced we're having a boy everyone has to put in their two cents about my son's penis.
Me: 26 DH:25 Married:August 2015 TTC #1 since April 2016
@suziemay827 we didn't with DS but we also live in a place where everyone is circumsized. Only the OB asked us what our plans were. We do and did get asked how nursing was going while making a bottle of formula... so dumb and intrusive questions can get old quick.
@Becky012016 I got that a few times too. I'd be in public and give DD a bottle and get "oh I thought you were nursing". I am nursing, but I'm not as confident as others as don't breastfeed in public. Also, sometimes my milk wasn't enough and I had to supplement. People just suck. FED IS BEST!
Has anyone else gotten unwelcome comments about circumcision? I feel like ever since we announced we're having a boy everyone has to put in their two cents about my son's penis.
We didn't find out with DS so nobody ever asked beforehand but I did have lots of discussions with a friend after (we both had boys within days of each other). She had a lot of unsolicited opinions/flack from family for not getting it done. We opted not to get it done either but nobody ever asked us after he was born either. Luckily our family doesn't care about my LO's genitals!
I told someone today we were expecting and her response was "well you didn't waste anytime having another". My DD is 1, so there will end up being 19 months between them. That doesn't seem to be super close to me, plus I'm already AMA no time to waste.
I told someone today we were expecting and her response was "well you didn't waste anytime having another". My DD is 1, so there will end up being 19 months between them. That doesn't seem to be super close to me, plus I'm already AMA no time to waste.
Ours will be just shy of 18 months apart and I am already anticipating this same crap. I will say, we won't get it from our families- H's oldest siblings are 53 weeks apart, his sister has kids who are 15 months apart, my brother has 2 who are 18 months apart and my parents had 3 in 18 months. So I don't think any of them will say anything!
@Jamiern01 people have said that to me too! I am AMA and my son will be 20 months when baby is born, which I am happy they will be close in age. My MIL thinks it is too soon, DS won't get any attention from us and we should of waited at least 5 years UM NO! I don't have all that time to waste, she had all her kids 7 years apart!
@Jamiern01 and @Jul768 we actually got the exact opposite remark that "given my age everyone just assumed I would have tried sooner for a second". My DS will be 3 1/2 when little one is born and I'm only 35. So yes I understand I'm AMA but I'm not 50, so let's just relax people. I planned based on what was good for our family.
I agree, 5 years seems like forever! I had my DD at 20 so there is a 16 year age gap between my first and second! I will be 38 when this baby is born and if we have one more after this there will be a small age gap as well for obvious reasons. I think it is crazy that over 35 is AMA, I don't feel that old!
@Jul768 I'm in the same boat. Except my big gap was between my first and second. I had my DS when I was 21, DD1 at 25 and then DD2 at 37. I will turn 39 shortly after this one arrives.
@klcarr19 My siblings found that out because they ask too many questions. When we told them we were 6 weeks along, they asked if we were pregnant when we visited them at Christmas. Technically we conceived the 26th, but since they count 2 weeks prior to that as being "pregnant," that's where the confusion lies. So in explaining all of this to them, they found out that we conceived at my parents' house in the guest bedroom
Things I've heard: "Wow, pregnant already? Y'all move fast!" (We've been married nearly two years and been trying for 8 months.) "Well this is really bad timing." (DH just got a new job and we just bought a new house. Umm...no that's perfect timing, thankyouverymuch.) Most everything else has been very very positive.
@mrsmgsee We conceived in my in-laws guest room too. : I am really hoping no one puts two and two together, because my in-laws are very weird about sex (DH doesn't remember anyone talking about anything sexual ever), and our young sisters (13 and 15) were most likely asleep down the hall. It could get super awkward.
DH's sister asked if baby was conceived on Christmas. I reminded her about the 2 weeks where you aren't really pregnant and she said, "Oh, that's why you didn't want to hang out for New Years." This was in front of his whole family. Awkward.
Later, in a one on one conversation, she asked how much sex we had the week we conceived. I know that she is TTC and has never tracked ovulation before (my nephew was an unplanned blessing), but I was still like, "You really want to talk about your brother's sex life?"
My department head: "Should I say congratulations?"
I totally got "so is this congratulations?" from my boss when I told her.
Also, not that this is the subject matter here, but since @klcarr19 mentioned the in-laws wanting to know when and where conception happened ... I have this friend who totally named her daughter Nice because she was conceived in Nice, France during vacation. She is so proud of it and tells everyone. Thanks for telling us where/when you and husband did the dirty, I guess? And don't get me started on the poor girl having to correct the pronunciation of her own name for the rest of her life.
**TW**
Me & DH: 32 Married 2013 Kiddo #1: Sept 2015 BFP: 1/19, EDD: 9/30
"I'm having fruit salad for dinner. Well, it's mostly just grapes, actually. Ok all grapes. Fermented grapes. Fine, I'm having wine for dinner."
@Lizlann Wow, that was not a smart move, in my opinion -- not Nice at all! I feel bad for their daughter. I'll be in Nice a week from today (my grandmother lives in a town nearby) so I'll definitely be thinking of that story! ;-P
To all you having them close my girls are 21 months apart and I love it so much. All kids are different but don't be deterred by weird people's comments.
I got so many people saying my second was going to be awful because my first was a perfect baby. They were wrong. I got a lot of really negative comments about having kids with my first 2.... by people who had a lot of kids.
@mrsmgsee and @amandarene112 add us to the in-laws guest room setting for conception....I was not going to miss a fw after trying since October 2015!!
TTGP history (*TW*):
Started TTC Oct 2015 BFP #1 June 2016: EDD 16 March 2017, MC July 2016 Re-started TTC Aug 2016 Started IF testing Nov 2016 Spontaneous BFP #2 January 2017: Rainbow Baby Boy September 2017 BFP #3 November 2018: Baby #2 expected August 2019
My SO and I have been together for a while. But aren't married. I get the "were you trying!?" all the time too. Not to mention : "summer pregnancies are the worst! You're going to be so miserable! " At least I can hop in to a pool if need be, and I know I won't have to be dealing with winter holidays or storms. Really seems like a better option to me.
I got so many people saying my second was going to be awful because my first was a perfect baby. They were wrong. I got a lot of really negative comments about having kids with my first 2.... by people who had a lot of kids.
I don't understand why someone's first reaction to hearing you are pregnant is to tell you how much your kid will suck. We get this CONSTANTLY and haven't even told many people I am pregnant. But everyone seems to think there is a limited pool of Coolness and if your first kid gets a lot of it, there isn't anything left for number 2. DD is the perfect baby and I don't see why we can't have another perfect one! And if not, so be it, but don't tell me how awful my kid will be as if it is some sort of scientific fact.
Before I was pregnant, one lady from church told me that I shouldn't have kids because I would hate them. I almost told her to her face that I know she hates her daughter but that doesn't mean I will hate my child. So many people at that church warned me against kids whenever I held a baby, because they only grow up to be monsters, teenagers are a nightmare, just wait for terrible twos, etc. I'm glad we left.
Backstory: My husband and I have been married for 4 1/2 years. We have a 20 month old daughter. We had several miscarriages since our daughter and were told by 2 different doctors we would never get pregnant again. We did - a month after we found out I was "infertile". When we tell people this baby was an accident/surprise, they say things like: "You've had one before, don't you know how this works?" "Well, there's only one way to get a baby..."
Usually when we explain that both our our children are medical miracles, the feel like a real ass and shut up
I got so many people saying my second was going to be awful because my first was a perfect baby. They were wrong. I got a lot of really negative comments about having kids with my first 2.... by people who had a lot of kids.
I don't understand why someone's first reaction to hearing you are pregnant is to tell you how much your kid will suck. We get this CONSTANTLY and haven't even told many people I am pregnant. But everyone seems to think there is a limited pool of Coolness and if your first kid gets a lot of it, there isn't anything left for number 2. DD is the perfect baby and I don't see why we can't have another perfect one! And if not, so be it, but don't tell me how awful my kid will be as if it is some sort of scientific fact.
I've heard this one too. My first one was damn near perfect (aside from the temper she gets from my mother-in-law) and we have been told that the second one will be "reality". Like, whatever - why can't I have two "unrealistically perfect" children?
I got so many people saying my second was going to be awful because my first was a perfect baby. They were wrong. I got a lot of really negative comments about having kids with my first 2.... by people who had a lot of kids.
I don't understand why someone's first reaction to hearing you are pregnant is to tell you how much your kid will suck. We get this CONSTANTLY and haven't even told many people I am pregnant. But everyone seems to think there is a limited pool of Coolness and if your first kid gets a lot of it, there isn't anything left for number 2. DD is the perfect baby and I don't see why we can't have another perfect one! And if not, so be it, but don't tell me how awful my kid will be as if it is some sort of scientific fact.
This would bother me as well! I've gotten similar comments about how much having kids sucks now that I'm on baby #2.
I typically just respond, "I'm sorry you think yours are so awful. But my kid is FANTASTIC and I can't wait to have another!"
Which is totally true. I couldn't ask for a better child. I could rant and rave about how awesome she is for hours lol.
My husband's grandma just called him as we were getting some ice cream after dinner. She told him to tell me to remember all the weight I put on during pregnancy has to come off afterwards. Thanks grandma.
My husband's grandma just called him as we were getting some ice cream after dinner. She told him to tell me to remember all the weight I put on during pregnancy has to come off afterwards. Thanks grandma.
Re: The Things People Say
@amandarene112 older people kill me with their total lack of filter. On the one hand I can't help but giggle on the inside because those comments are just so beyond weird. On the other hand, I can't fathom how someone can think it's not offensive to tell someone her baby is cute like chocolate.
Married 2013
Kiddo #1: Sept 2015
BFP: 1/19, EDD: 9/30
"I'm having fruit salad for dinner. Well, it's mostly just grapes, actually. Ok all grapes. Fermented grapes. Fine, I'm having wine for dinner."
"Why are you seeing a midwife? Are you going to have one of those weird/ gross/ hippie home births? Is that really safe?" I'm planning a hospital birth, but the lack of information out there about certified nurse midwives is astounding.
"Are you sure this was planned? Having 2 under 2 is going to be a nightmare." Um, thanks for the advice? I'm trying to avoid worrying about advanced maternal age, as I'll turn 34 a week after this LO is born. If we ever decide we want another one (probably not, but you never know), we probably wouldn't wait long after this one, either.
DS2: EDD- 09.08.17
The few times that I've heard someone ask a pregnant woman if the pregnancy was planned or not... I am always like, "Really? In what universe do you think this is appropriate?" I heard it said once by coworkers and then another time at a book club. I happen to be closer to the other side of the spectrum (I'm a direct descendant of a Mayflower pilgrim, after all!), and sometimes I wish I could feel more comfortable talking about certain things, but I hope I never feel comfortable asking pregnant women any of these questions, especially if I don't know them very well. Kudos for refraining from slapping these people in the face! ;-P
Me: (in my head) Um, dude, you realize it's 2017 AND we work for the federal government, right? No way they're going to fire a female employee for getting pregnant...
Me: (out loud, because fortunately my sarcasm has a filter): Pretty sure it won't be a problem.
@sarahufl My SIL keeps wanting to talk about how much I have to pee.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Me 34 DH 34
PCOS
Baby number 2 due 4/11/20
When I said I was feeling good overall he then asked if it was planned. To which I replied "This baby was very much hoped for for the better part of a year. It just took time due to some health issues but we are very excited to finally be pregnant". Then he said "Wow, a year. Well the tryin, is the fun part, am I right?? *wink*" to which I just awkwardly laughed.
But wow. Excuse you, a**hole. Yeah it's tons of fun going through infertility and having sex on a schedule even when you're not in the mood after taking a million ovulation tests, taking medicine that makes you feel like you are simultaneously going through puberty and menopause, and having a conversation with DH about cervical mucous. Yep. SO. MUCH. FUN!!
Married:August 2015
TTC #1 since April 2016
Married:August 2015
TTC #1 since April 2016
But I do anticipate hearing it from others....
our family.
Things I've heard:
"Wow, pregnant already? Y'all move fast!" (We've been married nearly two years and been trying for 8 months.)
"Well this is really bad timing." (DH just got a new job and we just bought a new house. Umm...no that's perfect timing, thankyouverymuch.)
Most everything else has been very very positive.
Later, in a one on one conversation, she asked how much sex we had the week we conceived. I know that she is TTC and has never tracked ovulation before (my nephew was an unplanned blessing), but I was still like, "You really want to talk about your brother's sex life?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Me 34 DH 34
PCOS
Baby number 2 due 4/11/20
Also, not that this is the subject matter here, but since @klcarr19 mentioned the in-laws wanting to know when and where conception happened ... I have this friend who totally named her daughter Nice because she was conceived in Nice, France during vacation. She is so proud of it and tells everyone. Thanks for telling us where/when you and husband did the dirty, I guess? And don't get me started on the poor girl having to correct the pronunciation of her own name for the rest of her life.
Married 2013
Kiddo #1: Sept 2015
BFP: 1/19, EDD: 9/30
"I'm having fruit salad for dinner. Well, it's mostly just grapes, actually. Ok all grapes. Fermented grapes. Fine, I'm having wine for dinner."
I got so many people saying my second was going to be awful because my first was a perfect baby. They were wrong. I got a lot of really negative comments about having kids with my first 2.... by people who had a lot of kids.
BFP #1 June 2016: EDD 16 March 2017, MC July 2016
Re-started TTC Aug 2016
Started IF testing Nov 2016
Spontaneous BFP #2 January 2017: Rainbow Baby Boy September 2017
BFP #3 November 2018: Baby #2 expected August 2019
Married: 10.15.16
DS BD: 8.20.17
TTC #2 1.1.19
BFP #2 7.3.19
EDD #2 3.13.20
At least I can hop in to a pool if need be, and I know I won't have to be dealing with winter holidays or storms. Really seems like a better option to me.
"You've had one before, don't you know how this works?"
"Well, there's only one way to get a baby..."
Usually when we explain that both our our children are medical miracles, the feel like a real ass and shut up
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I typically just respond, "I'm sorry you think yours are so awful. But my kid is FANTASTIC and I can't wait to have another!"
Which is totally true. I couldn't ask for a better child. I could rant and rave about how awesome she is for hours lol.
Me: 34 | DH: 31
Married: Nov. 7, 2015
TTC Since: February, 2016
BFP: December 20, 2016
Does grandma never eat ice cream?