WFH, SAHM, VS. FT Work

kcrocetto27 · March 2017

Hi All,

I haven't seen anything started on this topic, but I am sure I am not the only one considering some work-life changes after the LO is born. Obviously, every Mom is different. Personally, I would love to SAH (I know it's a lot of work, but even for a year would be nice), but that's not realistic as I have a mountain of student loan debt etc. I like my job for the most part, but I travel and work weekends once a month and I have been experiencing some physical issues (posted yesterday about my Fibro). I am now thinking that I might want to look to WFH after the baby but I'm not sure if I will be able to make enough money to make it work. I am actually a certified teacher (7-12 English) but the Philly district collapsed a few years back and I ended up working at a university as an academic coordinator. I do a lot of administrative work with students, faculty and alumni as well as a lot of event planning.

Anyway, I figured it wouldn't hurt to get this conversation going, in case any WFH of SAH Moms have some tips for those who are in a similar boat as me.Thanks in advance, June 2017 Moms!

krex-2 · March 2017

I'm actually looking at moving into a new role in the near future (just finished up my last interview today), so my plan is to work. There are aspects that I think I'd love as a SAHM, but I'm not sure if I have the right personality for it. I think if I could find the right type of position, WFH or working PT would be the best situation for me, but I'm not sure I could figure out how to make it happen.

joannabergeron · March 2017

I was a dental assistant before my first son was born in 2015 then my husband and I decided that me staying home made the most sense at the time. He's a financial advisor. Now that I'm pregnant again i was looking for part time work as a dental assistant but they don't really do that around here, only full time. So I watch another child two days a week and I also do transcription work at home and make some good money doing that.

Wino0920 · March 2017

I have always wanted to be a SAH mom. When I got pregnant, I was in the middle of a 5 year job and wanted to finish it, so I went part time. I finished at almost the same time I had my second.
from working full time, to part time, and now to SAH, I was definitely right that I am happier staying home. Its definitely so much easier and i don't miss working at all.

I do do help some friends out and watch their kids during the week. And I still think it's easier than working.

Now, when my kids go to school full time, I wouldn't mind getting a part time job.

merrylea · March 2017

I'm the "breadwinner" in our family, so me staying at home is not really an option for us. I'm sure it will feel differently when the time comes for me to go back to work, but i'm ok getting my adult time at work. I can see, especially while discovering how expensive daycare is, why many people make different choices!!!

mkrel · March 2017

In theory I would like to be a SAHM, but I also don't think I have the personality for it. I do work from home, but not the type of job where I could care for a LO and work at the same time so she will be going to day care. The good thing is the day care we chose is 3 minutes from our house, so I'm glad that she will be close and I can check in on my lunch breaks if I want to. I also am hoping that if she is too sick for day care, but not super sick, I could be flexible with my work for the day and not use PTO. I will have to discuss that with management as it happens, but it would be a nice perk if I can work it out and just get things done that I couldn't get to once DH gets home for the evening.

HgPa · March 2017

I'd love to be a SAHM, but it's not in the cards financially. Honestly, if I made more
money than I do now, my husband would probably be a better fit to stay home. He's awesome about house updates and cleaning and he's learning to cook really well (that's typically been my big contribution).

I do hope that I might be able to swing a part time or flexible WFH schedule at some point. I'm definitely going to start looking for a new position in the fall. Once my husband gets a teaching position, we'll have a lot more flexibility.

BellaO21 · March 2017

Being an independent contractor, my work schedule from week to week can vary from PT-FT to nothing at all... I plan on limiting my hours that I'm available and not taking same day appointments anymore. Although FT in my field is only 15 hours a week. I guess I'll be mostly a SAHM? Lol

Heliumgirl717 · March 2017

I've always wanted to SAH, but when DD1 was born I still had student loans and a car loan. Those are both paid off now, but we are planning on moving back to Fort Wayne (northern IN) next year, so I'll continue to work at least until then. I think once that happens we'll try for me to stay home and see how it goes.

delujm0 · March 2017

I think I would be a great SAHM...once all of my children are in school all day. Ha.

In all seriousness, my job is fine, I don't LOVE it or anything, but I make good money and I like to get out of the house and talk to adults during the day. DD loves her daycare and being around other kids, so it's easy to leave her there all day. The only thing I don't like is that I have to leave my house before DD wakes up in the morning so that I can leave the office by 4:30 to go pick her up (DH has the morning shift and I have afternoons). I wish I could see her in the morning before I left. I have already discussed plans with my boss for after maternity leave, and I'm going to work my current job from home 3x/week. That way i'll get to see the kids before they go to daycare in the morning too. I'm hoping to do this permanently so that when they're in school full time I won't need an after school nanny or anything, i'll just work 6-3 or whatever and be done in time to pick them up at the bus stop in the afternoon. Ideally DH would be able to do the same routine on the other two days a week, or we'll get a sitter at that point.

Working from home is great in that you don't have to deal with a commute, or even shower and put on real clothes that day, but there's no way on earth you can actually work in your house while your baby is at home unless there is a sitter there. I mean I guess if you had TRULY flexible scheduling, and you could work a little bit here and there during naps and then once your partner got home and took over the childcare you could, but it would be really difficult. I have a friend that worked from home with a baby, and she had a nanny there during the day until he turned 2, and then he started going to daycare. Working from home, at least full time, is unlikely to save you money on child care. You'll still need it. When DD is sick, DH and I will often BOTH work from home that day so we can take turns handling calls/meetings and caring for the baby. Either that or one of us takes a full day of vacation. it's the only way to make it work, since we don't have any family in the area to help us out and all of our sitters are teachers at the daycare.

I'm not the breadwinner in our family, but I still make a lot more money than it costs to send 2 kids to daycare, so it makes sense for me to keep working. Fortunately we live kind of in the sticks so daycare is relatively affordable. The centers in the city we commute to, 35 minutes away, are sometimes $100+/week more than the center we use, which is still a 5-star center (NC has a state wide star rating system, and 5 is the highest). My employer also offers a daycare FSA to pay up to $5k in expenses a year pre-tax, which is awesome. I love all the stuff the daycare teaches DD too...there's no way she'd be as smart as she is right now if she was home with me all day. I have no idea what I'm doing. :-)

mtvkv5 · March 2017

I don't know if I could handle staying home and not working. I run our large family business with overseas operations now, and I couldn't imagine giving it up! Plus I make significantly more than DH, so it would be a big hit financially. I do work from home about 2 weeks a month now. Being in such a high position means I will have to do some work from home during my maternity leave. I'm still trying to figure out what the work from home vs. work in the office balance will be once the baby comes. I have joked about putting a pack n play in my office, which I might just do for real

mombod · March 2017

I would love to be a SAHM but its just not financially right for us. I have great benefits, flexible schedule, and make more than daycare would cost. After I had my son I worked from home for a few months two days a week. I got up super early, worked through naps, and late at night. It helped with the transition especially not needing to pump but was not a long term solution. I got burnt out.
DH recently moved his hours around so it allows us to take DS out of daycare and new baby wont need to go. I work 6-230 and he works 230-11. Basically we both work full time and do full time care. Its working great now with one but we will see when we have two. We plan to use the money we save on daycare to pay down debt and reevaluate then.

wifeinraleigh28 · March 2017

BellaO21 said:

Being an independent contractor, my work schedule from week to week can vary from PT-FT to nothing at all... I plan on limiting my hours that I'm available and not taking same day appointments anymore. Although FT in my field is only 15 hours a week. I guess I'll be mostly a SAHM? Lol

Your job sounds a lot like mine. What do you do? I'm a marriage and family therapist in private practice and usually work about 15-20 hrs per week.

I would love to stay at home for awhile but there are a lot of reasons why it wouldn't be a good idea. The first is financial, as we would need to make some serious lifestyle changes if we went from two incomes to one. Secondly, I put a lot of time and money into my career and I've only been building my practice for about 1.5 years right now. I'm really dedicated to my job and to my clients and I wouldn't feel good about saying goodbye to it. That being said, I will probably limit my caseload for the first 6 months or so after I return so that I can be home more. I love that my job is flexible like that!

Stankonia2014 · March 2017

My DH is a SAHD and the 'breadwinner' (medically retired military), so for me staying home is pointless. I start WFH with my current career next month and will continue to WFH after LO is here. I just commute to the office 1-2 days/week. The only way WFH works for me is because DH is home to do the majority of care.

It'll be nice to only have to worry about pumping 1-2 times/week.

berg · March 2017

I am the major contributor in our family and my job is to be on the plant floor, so SAH or WFH is impossible for me. We may be able to swing it where DH is SAH, but it would take a lot of sacrifices. We'll see how it goes in the beginning.

ellie111227 · March 2017

When dd was born I was the breadwinner and dh was a grad student and the ancient languages specialist for an ongoing academic research project. I worked it out so I could WFH 2 afternoons a week and dropped an afterschool program i had been running, and dh quit his job to be home the rest of the time. I found that I couldn't get any work done in my wfh afternoons except during naps, but I just worked into the evenings once dh was home again from class since it was all just stuff i could do on my own schedule. He did the same with his schoolwork - what he could during the day and the rest after I got home. It helped that I was a teacher, so I worked 7-3:30 on my full days and we had a good bit of the day left after that. We did that for one school year and then dh got a job that comes with a house and a better salary than I was making, so we moved and now I sah. I love it.

ladylolly89 · March 2017

I am a fairly recent SAHM - 2 1/2 months in.
I loved my job; I always thought that I'd be just fine working after kids and that I'd need that "adult time" and more time out of the house. Then I had DS and everything changed. I went back to work when he was 4 months old and I was a MESS. DH and I agreed that I'd stick it out for a few months while we sorted things out financially, then 4 months later I was home again. Granted, DH is definitely the breadwinner and my income was supplementary at best.
There are definitely tough days (ok, most days are tough being nearly 6 months pregnant with a very active 10 month old in the house) and I DO miss that adult time, but this is definitely the right choice for us! I love it and I wouldn't have it any other way.
We will re-evaluate again when the boys are older and in school.

alm52386 · March 2017

I'm hoping to find a job where Chloe can come with me. Whether that is a full time nanny position or at a child care center. Eventually we want to have our own in-home child care. The only problem with all of this is health insurance. DH doesn't get it at his current job and the only way I can get it is to work at a center. But at a center we have to pay for Chloe to go too. If I nanny or have an in-home then we aren't paying for child care at least. So I guess I'll be working but she will be with me so I'm not sure where that falls!

NarrowHouses · March 2017

Its interesting hearing the different arrangements, preferences, etc. of everyone!

My situation is a bit precarious at the moment. I work at a university. Tomorrow they will eliminate the positions of over 100 staff members (not including faculty positions or positions that will be scaled down or modified). I'm not entirely sure how it will go for me. It is effective immediately. I love my job and while not the breadwinner my salary is really helpful for our finances.

I SAH with DD1 for 15 months. It was wonderful and hard. Working is wonderful and hard too, just in a different way... if that even makes sense?! Our childcare arrangements are amazing which makes working seem better too. The timing of the layoffs is tricky. Since I would like to continue to work at a university or possibly a high school I'm not sure if its realistic to find a job for the next academic year. That would mean I would SAH or work PT.

But we'll see how it all plays out tomorrow!

jesselayne8 · March 2017

I was a SAHM for 5yrs for my first 3 kids. I literally went back to work part time and got knocked up with this baby the same day last Oct. According to my contract I have to work 4-10 days per month. I have been averaging 5-6 days a month. I honestly don't know how I am going to leave a 12wk old BF baby and go work. I wish they would hold my job for 9 months without pay. I always get the urge to go back to work at the 8-9 month mark. I like working but I also love being home.

kdanjou · March 2017

Before I had kids I had a good FT laboratory job but when I got pregnant with DD, DH and I decided that child care was going to be so expensive that it would make sense for me to SAH. So I quit my job and I've been a SAHM since DD was born. I ended up going back to work PT (like 10 hours a week) on weekend and evenings just so I have some extra spending money. I love that little break I get and the adult time.
We have been on a strict budget, no vacations type deal since we got pregnant with #2 so that I can continue to SAH for a few more years. DH regularly freaks out about our finances even though we are doing ok and still have some savings (he's just a worrier). Not gonna lie, I really miss my full time salary and the freedom it gave us. BUT, I also love being a SAHM so I wouldn't do anything differently. It will be bittersweet to go back to work when they are both in school, but at least we will have money again.

kfitz1900 · March 2017

I SAH with DD1 and DS1 and have since DD1 was born. DH is military with a crazy schedule (maybe home 6 months a year). I always found it important that our kids had one parent that was always around (even though I miss having my own career). For now we are making it work and I plan on going back at least part time when the kids are in school.

meilay · March 2017

My dream would be a SAHM but that's not in the cards for us. My next ideal situation will be to WFH 2 days a week, have DH WFH 1-2 days a week, leaving a max of 2 days in daycare. If I can't get the remote days I'll probably have to look for something completely WFH.

kcrocetto27 · March 2017

@NarrowHouses I hope it all goes well tomorrow!

danij0 · March 2017

We're both FT and have been for 6 years. We're leaning towards me SAH after baby comes. We'll have to make some lifestyle changes that will be challenging considering we've been DINKs (double income no kids) for 6 years. I think I'd eventually like to work PT or WFH PT to supplement financially. We're also worried about resentment of each other - anyone have tips on this?

kcrocetto27 · March 2017

I WFH one day a week as part of an accomodation and my boss is letting me WFH for most Fridays for 3 months once I return back to work. I wouldn't watch the baby at home, but his daycare is a block away from the house, so it will be nice to just to be close by and stop by when needed. My main problem is that my job is so incredibly busy. I rarely take lunch and from October to January I am in charge of planning a big conference on top of my daily duties. Sidenote: my supervisor actually had the gall to ask me how I would makr up the time that I will need to pump during the day, and I quickly reminded her that I am at work 45 minutes longer than her and my co-worker every day and I am a salaried employee. Ugh. Also, I've tried to talk to my supervisor about needing extra help when I return, but she just gets panicky and isn't very helpful. So, long story short, I'm already super anxious about going back to work and I haven't even had the baby yet. Sigh.

ellie111227 · March 2017

@danijo In terms of resentment, I think that dh and I have an ideal situation in that we have both had a time of being the breadwinner and of being the sah parent, so we both know what the other's day-to-day is like to some extent. That's obviously a pretty unusual situation, but I think that making deliberate efforts to experience the other side as much as possible is probably helpful.

The biggest thing i hear from other sahms about this is that their husbands don't realize how much work they do, often expect a free pass on household responsibilities since they were "working" all day, and then they end up resenting each other because the mom is doing all the work and the dad feels cheated that he is earning all the money and she still wants him to be doing stuff at home. Often then the dad takes over parenting and household duties briefly, like while the mom is away on a trip or is in the hospital or something, and the dad has an epiphany about how much actual work it is to be home and tries to get better, but even that is tough if habits are already formed. So I think making that happen sooner rather than later (and somewhat regularly) can foster that empathy and understanding before things get out of hand. You obviously know what it is like to work full time, but he doesn't know what it is like to stay home with kids.

Also just communicating ahead of time about what housework and finances will look like is helpful. For us, money is always communal regardless of who the earner is, and we talk through big purchases and hold off on then until we are both comfortable. And i do what I can around the house while he is at work and then it becomes 50/50 when he gets home. That works great for us.

MotherofDragons · March 2017

I work 2 days a week as a peds occupational therapist either in an outpatient clinic or the hospital (depends on who needs the most help that week).

I basically work for our insurance. My husband is an attorney at a small firm and doesn't get benefits. If he gets a job with benefits I'll then transition to SAH.

Honestly, my situation is wonderful. Most weeks I work 2 days in a row and then have 5 days off. So while I'd love to SAH fully I really can't complain.

JessyKV · March 2017

I am a SAHM now but I worked full time up until my kids were almost 3 and 1. I've been home a little over a year.

Working FT was miserable for me. I never loved my job but I started to really hate and resent it when I had kids. I struggled a lot with working and that put strain on my and DH's relationship. Pumping at work and keeping up with the house and feeing like I had time for my kids or myself was hard for me. We bought the house we were in with 2 incomes and we had a lot of student debt and big goals. My income more than covered 2 (or even 3) in daycare and was our extra Savings for big fun things. My DH really did not want to downsize of give up our lifestyle but I was just miserable. So an opportunity for a new job came along for him that required us to move 2 hours away. We decided he should take it and I would stay home. There have definitely been challenges with the move and his job is very demanding but I think it will all be worth it in the long run. We are hoping this job will launch him into a better one and we can move back home in a few years.

I love staying home. There are definitely hard days and it's hard in completely different ways than working but I'm so much happier. I have joined some mom groups and have play dates so I still get adult interaction. My 4yo goes to 1/2 day preschool 2 days a week and I run errands with me 2yo or do special activities with him. We leave the house pretty much everyday.

I do hate that Im not helping financially right now but it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make. In a perfect world I would maybe work 2 days a week but I can't find anything worth the cost of daycare PT. I'm thinking of a total career change when my kids are in school. But for now im just soaking up my time with my babies.

huskermom14 · March 2017

I currently work FT, but because of working 12s, I still only work 3 nights/week. I'm on the list to go PT once a position pops up which will bump me down to 2 nights/week and I'll still get to keep my benefits, which, for me personally, will be perfect. I need to work and have that time away from DS to interact with adults. Plus, I really love what I do and I need to work a certain amount of hours to keep my nursing license active.

Kylieslip24 · March 2017

I was a nanny before kids and I was getting really burnt out and over it. We moved just far enough that I had to quit and had a really hard time finding a job after being a nanny. Employers seemed to view it a beings Sahm almost. I ended up working part time at a kids boutique making almost nothing but a shoppers discount for a bit when I found out I was pregnant with dd. Then we moved again when I was 6 months pregnant and I haven't worked since. Our lifestyle has changed so much from our original plan that I probably will never work again. We have decided to homeschool so that's pretty much my job for the next 18+ years. But I really love it, some days are hard and lonely. Being in California sometimes I feel like the only Sahm on the planet. But I love being with dd all day and seeing her learn new things. Recently she's started reading and every time she hits a milestone like that it makes me so thankful that I'm here everyday to see it.

ladylolly89 · March 2017

@danijo Going off of what @ellie111227 said, it's important for you both to have an understanding of what the other is dealing with/going through on a day-to-day basis. DH is very hands-on around the house and will go out of his way to help out in the evenings and on weekends, so he definitely understands how much work it can be to balance taking care of a house and a baby, along with understanding how I need to get out by myself or with friends. He sometimes feels a little trapped if he stays with DS on a weekend and I get some time away (though he happily does it and can do it just as well as I can) so he knows how much I need that break after doing it all week!

Likewise, having been in the situation of working full days 5 days/week, I know how exhausting it can be to get up and go to work every weekday morning, and then come home at night and know that your day still isn't finished! I know that DH thrives if he has some down/alone time to read or play a computer game every evening, as he doesn't have time to relax at all during the day.

Communication is definitely key here.

Wino0920 · March 2017

danijo said:

We're both FT and have been for 6 years. We're leaning towards me SAH after baby comes. We'll have to make some lifestyle changes that will be challenging considering we've been DINKs (double income no kids) for 6 years. I think I'd eventually like to work PT or WFH PT to supplement financially. We're also worried about resentment of each other - anyone have tips on this?

My tip would be set the expectations and needs before. Come up with the roles that each of you will live. For us, I take care of the house and he works. The kids are both of our responsibilities.

If one of us needs extra help, we just ask. Sometimes it doesn't work out, maybe we both are tired, but it's not going to be perfect all the time.

But my biggest peice of advice is to just establish it before hand. It will get messy if the lines are unclear. And be patient with each other.

I have never resented my husband and he has never resented me (at least he has never said anything or acted like he has)

Mtnmommy · March 2017

I have my own business as a therapist, and I see clients 2 days a week in my office. At times I have to WFH (taking new client calls, scheduling, paperwork, client in crisis). I personally don't like working from home, because I need my work life and my home life to be separate. I'm way more balanced when I have clear boundaries around work. I enjoy my time with DD on my SAH days. But I'm also very grateful for my 2 days in the office. Being a full time SAHM just isn't for me. I had no idea that I would feel this way until I had DD. It sounds selfish, but I need my career. It's a huge part of who I am. I love being a mom too, more than I ever thought I would. I look forward to my work days and my mama days. But again, I need the balance.

tmrussell · March 2017

Stankonia2014 said:

My DH is a SAHD and the 'breadwinner' (medically retired military), so for me staying home is pointless. I start WFH with my current career next month and will continue to WFH after LO is here. I just commute to the office 1-2 days/week. The only way WFH works for me is because DH is home to do the majority of care.

It'll be nice to only have to worry about pumping 1-2 times/week.

I can never work when DH is home. I can work from home a couple days a week and DH comes home and tries to talk to me nonstop lol.

When I work from home the kids will go to daycare but it's only a few minutes from the house. It's super nice because my commute is close to an hour!

I wish I could work part time. That would be the best option for me but I need full time income. I would go stir crazy at home 24/7 or spend too much money going places.

doodleoodle · March 2017

@danijo I SAH and DH works FT. He's made comments just recently about how easy it is to care for DD and he doesn't understand why I seem to have a hard time sometimes. He's stayed with her alone maybe 2 hours max since she's been born, doesn't have to worry about chores while he's with her, and obviously isn't pregnant. He literally has no perspective. So I guess what I'm saying is I agree with the PP who suggested going on a trip, even if it's just an overnight trip. Don't be like me lol

kfitz1900 · March 2017

@doodleoodle I had to go out of town for a wedding and had my mom come up (again DH is military and his schedule is unreliable). Dont do this lol my mom cooked him dinner, did his laundry, took care of the kids - everything (he maybe gave them a bath once). When he came to pick me up he said "I don't know why you have such a hard time SAH - it really wasn't hard" I then almost punched him in the face.

beckij34 · March 2017

I work full time as a secretary for a local school district. I will continue to work full time once my maternity leave is up as I am a single mom and am the sole provider for myself and Ezra. I would love to be a SAHM or WFH but I don't see either of those working out any time soon.

virginiaunicorn11 · March 2017

I WFH full- but flexible-time. I love this so I can take DS to daycare a little late (9:00) and stop working while he's home/awake...but he's in full-time daycare or I'd never get any work done.

WorkingOnMyNightCheese · March 2017

I work full time, but will transition to part time from home and part time at the office once my maternity leave is over. I would love to be a sahm but financially it just isn't possible for us.

BellaO21 · March 2017

wifeinraleigh28 said:

BellaO21 said:

Being an independent contractor, my work schedule from week to week can vary from PT-FT to nothing at all... I plan on limiting my hours that I'm available and not taking same day appointments anymore. Although FT in my field is only 15 hours a week. I guess I'll be mostly a SAHM? Lol

Your job sounds a lot like mine. What do you do? I'm a marriage and family therapist in private practice and usually work about 15-20 hrs per week.

I'm a Licensed Massage Therapist. I've also only been practicing for about a year and a half at this point, but my regular clients have been pretty understanding about me taking the time off. DH and I talked about it and I am going to try and take on most of my clients on the days that he is home.

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