June 2017 Moms
kcrocetto27
member
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WFH, SAHM, VS. FT Work
kcrocetto27
member
Hi All,
I haven't seen anything started on this topic, but I am sure I am not the only one considering some work-life changes after the LO is born. Obviously, every Mom is different. Personally, I would love to SAH (I know it's a lot of work, but even for a year would be nice), but that's not realistic as I have a mountain of student loan debt etc. I like my job for the most part, but I travel and work weekends once a month and I have been experiencing some physical issues (posted yesterday about my Fibro). I am now thinking that I might want to look to WFH after the baby but I'm not sure if I will be able to make enough money to make it work. I am actually a certified teacher (7-12 English) but the Philly district collapsed a few years back and I ended up working at a university as an academic coordinator. I do a lot of administrative work with students, faculty and alumni as well as a lot of event planning.
Anyway, I figured it wouldn't hurt to get this conversation going, in case any WFH of SAH Moms have some tips for those who are in a similar boat as me.Thanks in advance, June 2017 Moms!
I haven't seen anything started on this topic, but I am sure I am not the only one considering some work-life changes after the LO is born. Obviously, every Mom is different. Personally, I would love to SAH (I know it's a lot of work, but even for a year would be nice), but that's not realistic as I have a mountain of student loan debt etc. I like my job for the most part, but I travel and work weekends once a month and I have been experiencing some physical issues (posted yesterday about my Fibro). I am now thinking that I might want to look to WFH after the baby but I'm not sure if I will be able to make enough money to make it work. I am actually a certified teacher (7-12 English) but the Philly district collapsed a few years back and I ended up working at a university as an academic coordinator. I do a lot of administrative work with students, faculty and alumni as well as a lot of event planning.
Anyway, I figured it wouldn't hurt to get this conversation going, in case any WFH of SAH Moms have some tips for those who are in a similar boat as me.Thanks in advance, June 2017 Moms!
Re: WFH, SAHM, VS. FT Work
from working full time, to part time, and now to SAH, I was definitely right that I am happier staying home. Its definitely so much easier and i don't miss working at all.
I do do help some friends out and watch their kids during the week. And I still think it's easier than working.
Now, when my kids go to school full time, I wouldn't mind getting a part time job.
money than I do now, my husband would probably be a better fit to stay home. He's awesome about house updates and cleaning and he's learning to cook really well (that's typically been my big contribution).
I do hope that I might be able to swing a part time or flexible WFH schedule at some point. I'm definitely going to start looking for a new position in the fall. Once my husband gets a teaching position, we'll have a lot more flexibility.
I think I would be a great SAHM...once all of my children are in school all day. Ha.
In all seriousness, my job is fine, I don't LOVE it or anything, but I make good money and I like to get out of the house and talk to adults during the day. DD loves her daycare and being around other kids, so it's easy to leave her there all day. The only thing I don't like is that I have to leave my house before DD wakes up in the morning so that I can leave the office by 4:30 to go pick her up (DH has the morning shift and I have afternoons). I wish I could see her in the morning before I left. I have already discussed plans with my boss for after maternity leave, and I'm going to work my current job from home 3x/week. That way i'll get to see the kids before they go to daycare in the morning too. I'm hoping to do this permanently so that when they're in school full time I won't need an after school nanny or anything, i'll just work 6-3 or whatever and be done in time to pick them up at the bus stop in the afternoon. Ideally DH would be able to do the same routine on the other two days a week, or we'll get a sitter at that point.
Working from home is great in that you don't have to deal with a commute, or even shower and put on real clothes that day, but there's no way on earth you can actually work in your house while your baby is at home unless there is a sitter there. I mean I guess if you had TRULY flexible scheduling, and you could work a little bit here and there during naps and then once your partner got home and took over the childcare you could, but it would be really difficult. I have a friend that worked from home with a baby, and she had a nanny there during the day until he turned 2, and then he started going to daycare. Working from home, at least full time, is unlikely to save you money on child care. You'll still need it. When DD is sick, DH and I will often BOTH work from home that day so we can take turns handling calls/meetings and caring for the baby. Either that or one of us takes a full day of vacation. it's the only way to make it work, since we don't have any family in the area to help us out and all of our sitters are teachers at the daycare.
I'm not the breadwinner in our family, but I still make a lot more money than it costs to send 2 kids to daycare, so it makes sense for me to keep working. Fortunately we live kind of in the sticks so daycare is relatively affordable. The centers in the city we commute to, 35 minutes away, are sometimes $100+/week more than the center we use, which is still a 5-star center (NC has a state wide star rating system, and 5 is the highest). My employer also offers a daycare FSA to pay up to $5k in expenses a year pre-tax, which is awesome. I love all the stuff the daycare teaches DD too...there's no way she'd be as smart as she is right now if she was home with me all day. I have no idea what I'm doing. :-)
DH recently moved his hours around so it allows us to take DS out of daycare and new baby wont need to go. I work 6-230 and he works 230-11. Basically we both work full time and do full time care. Its working great now with one but we will see when we have two. We plan to use the money we save on daycare to pay down debt and reevaluate then.
I would love to stay at home for awhile but there are a lot of reasons why it wouldn't be a good idea. The first is financial, as we would need to make some serious lifestyle changes if we went from two incomes to one. Secondly, I put a lot of time and money into my career and I've only been building my practice for about 1.5 years right now. I'm really dedicated to my job and to my clients and I wouldn't feel good about saying goodbye to it. That being said, I will probably limit my caseload for the first 6 months or so after I return so that I can be home more. I love that my job is flexible like that!
Me: 34, DH: 38 ~ TTC since 2014
IUI #1-3 (Nov 2015, Feb 2016, May 2016) = BFNs
IVF ER (July 2016) = 7 PGS normal embryos
FET #1 (Sept 2016) = BFP! DD born 5/30/17
FET #2 (April 2019) = BFN
FET #3 (July 2019) = BFP! DS born 3/27/20
It'll be nice to only have to worry about pumping 1-2 times/week.
I loved my job; I always thought that I'd be just fine working after kids and that I'd need that "adult time" and more time out of the house. Then I had DS and everything changed. I went back to work when he was 4 months old and I was a MESS. DH and I agreed that I'd stick it out for a few months while we sorted things out financially, then 4 months later I was home again. Granted, DH is definitely the breadwinner and my income was supplementary at best.
There are definitely tough days (ok, most days are tough being nearly 6 months pregnant with a very active 10 month old in the house) and I DO miss that adult time, but this is definitely the right choice for us! I love it and I wouldn't have it any other way.
We will re-evaluate again when the boys are older and in school.
My situation is a bit precarious at the moment. I work at a university. Tomorrow they will eliminate the positions of over 100 staff members (not including faculty positions or positions that will be scaled down or modified). I'm not entirely sure how it will go for me. It is effective immediately. I love my job and while not the breadwinner my salary is really helpful for our finances.
I SAH with DD1 for 15 months. It was wonderful and hard. Working is wonderful and hard too, just in a different way... if that even makes sense?! Our childcare arrangements are amazing which makes working seem better too. The timing of the layoffs is tricky. Since I would like to continue to work at a university or possibly a high school I'm not sure if its realistic to find a job for the next academic year. That would mean I would SAH or work PT.
But we'll see how it all plays out tomorrow!
TTC#1 for 19 months with PCOS and MFI IUI#3 + injectables = BFP!!!! Beta#1-134(13dpiui) Beta #2-392(15dpiui)
#1 born December 2011
TTC#2 - Beta #1 -51@10dpo Beta#2 -1353 @16dpo
#2 born May 2013
TTC # 3 June 2014 BFP 12-1-14
#3 born August 2015
#4!!!!!!! due June 2017
We have been on a strict budget, no vacations type deal since we got pregnant with #2 so that I can continue to SAH for a few more years. DH regularly freaks out about our finances even though we are doing ok and still have some savings (he's just a worrier). Not gonna lie, I really miss my full time salary and the freedom it gave us. BUT, I also love being a SAHM so I wouldn't do anything differently. It will be bittersweet to go back to work when they are both in school, but at least we will have money again.
BFP Oct 2011 - DD born July 2012
TTC again since July 2014
First IUI 9/26/16: BFP!
EDD 6/19/2017
It's a girl!
Born 6/26/17, 9lb 5oz
The biggest thing i hear from other sahms about this is that their husbands don't realize how much work they do, often expect a free pass on household responsibilities since they were "working" all day, and then they end up resenting each other because the mom is doing all the work and the dad feels cheated that he is earning all the money and she still wants him to be doing stuff at home. Often then the dad takes over parenting and household duties briefly, like while the mom is away on a trip or is in the hospital or something, and the dad has an epiphany about how much actual work it is to be home and tries to get better, but even that is tough if habits are already formed. So I think making that happen sooner rather than later (and somewhat regularly) can foster that empathy and understanding before things get out of hand. You obviously know what it is like to work full time, but he doesn't know what it is like to stay home with kids.
Also just communicating ahead of time about what housework and finances will look like is helpful. For us, money is always communal regardless of who the earner is, and we talk through big purchases and hold off on then until we are both comfortable. And i do what I can around the house while he is at work and then it becomes 50/50 when he gets home. That works great for us.
I basically work for our insurance. My husband is an attorney at a small firm and doesn't get benefits. If he gets a job with benefits I'll then transition to SAH.
Honestly, my situation is wonderful. Most weeks I work 2 days in a row and then have 5 days off. So while I'd love to SAH fully I really can't complain.
Working FT was miserable for me. I never loved my job but I started to really hate and resent it when I had kids. I struggled a lot with working and that put strain on my and DH's relationship. Pumping at work and keeping up with the house and feeing like I had time for my kids or myself was hard for me. We bought the house we were in with 2 incomes and we had a lot of student debt and big goals. My income more than covered 2 (or even 3) in daycare and was our extra Savings for big fun things. My DH really did not want to downsize of give up our lifestyle but I was just miserable. So an opportunity for a new job came along for him that required us to move 2 hours away. We decided he should take it and I would stay home. There have definitely been challenges with the move and his job is very demanding but I think it will all be worth it in the long run. We are hoping this job will launch him into a better one and we can move back home in a few years.
I love staying home. There are definitely hard days and it's hard in completely different ways than working but I'm so much happier. I have joined some mom groups and have play dates so I still get adult interaction. My 4yo goes to 1/2 day preschool 2 days a week and I run errands with me 2yo or do special activities with him. We leave the house pretty much everyday.
I do hate that Im not helping financially right now but it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make. In a perfect world I would maybe work 2 days a week but I can't find anything worth the cost of daycare PT. I'm thinking of a total career change when my kids are in school. But for now im just soaking up my time with my babies.
Likewise, having been in the situation of working full days 5 days/week, I know how exhausting it can be to get up and go to work every weekday morning, and then come home at night and know that your day still isn't finished! I know that DH thrives if he has some down/alone time to read or play a computer game every evening, as he doesn't have time to relax at all during the day.
Communication is definitely key here.
If one of us needs extra help, we just ask. Sometimes it doesn't work out, maybe we both are tired, but it's not going to be perfect all the time.
But my biggest peice of advice is to just establish it before hand. It will get messy if the lines are unclear. And be patient with each other.
I have never resented my husband and he has never resented me (at least he has never said anything or acted like he has)
When I work from home the kids will go to daycare but it's only a few minutes from the house. It's super nice because my commute is close to an hour!
I wish I could work part time. That would be the best option for me but I need full time income. I would go stir crazy at home 24/7 or spend too much money going places.