May 2017 Moms
mrsrep123
member
Daycare / nanny / babysitter thread
mrsrep123
member
Reposting from the randoms thread
wondering how to involve a stranger to care for my toddler and newborn in my own home? So far, our schedules have allowed us to be the only caregivers for DS. Things may be changing with our move - our mothers may be able to help but if not, or not enough, we have been toying with the idea of getting a part time nanny/babysitter. This makes me super nervous even though I know people do it everyday. Any and all perspectives welcomed, please and thank you in advance.
wondering how to involve a stranger to care for my toddler and newborn in my own home? So far, our schedules have allowed us to be the only caregivers for DS. Things may be changing with our move - our mothers may be able to help but if not, or not enough, we have been toying with the idea of getting a part time nanny/babysitter. This makes me super nervous even though I know people do it everyday. Any and all perspectives welcomed, please and thank you in advance.
Re: Daycare / nanny / babysitter thread
By best suggestion would be to do some interviewing after a few people express interest in watching your kiddos. Lay out your expectations and have them interact with the kids. Maybe do a trial run where you're at home but completely uninvolved so you can kinda monitor or listen just to get a sense of how things will go. Good luck!
May17 Siggy Challenge
Labor
In college I was an early education major and was a nanny! If your near a university I would look to see if they have a job postings site. Local companies or people could post directly looking for students to work/intern and there were always families who posted looking for a nanny, that's how I found the family I worked for. Most education majors have to have a finger print clearance card and CPR certification to be able to observe or intern in the schools. It could give you some peace of mind knowing they have a background check basically through the state!
Sweet Baby H 12.21.11
Sassy Baby P 03.26.14
Little Brother Due 05.22.17
B born 7/15/13, C born 3/2/15, #3 on the way May '17
I’m a modern man, a man for the millennium. Digital and smoke free. A diversified multi-cultural, post-modern deconstruction that is anatomically and ecologically incorrect. I’ve been up linked and downloaded, I’ve been inputted and outsourced, I know the upside of downsizing, I know the downside of upgrading. I’m a high-tech low-life. A cutting edge, state-of-the-art bi-coastal multi-tasker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond! I’m new wave, but I’m old school and my inner child is outward bound. I’m a hot-wired, heat seeking, warm-hearted cool customer, voice activated and bio-degradable. I interface with my database, my database is in cyberspace, so I’m interactive, I’m hyperactive and from time to time I’m radioactive.
With all three we've had, I spent time watching them interact with my kids and then even more time hanging out in a nearby room where I could overhear what was going on. My kids have internet linked cameras as baby monitors in their rooms and we have a doorbell camera so I can still peek in once in a while (our sitter knows they exist). At this point, it's more for my own amusement or to see what they're up to than any serious concern for their well being.
May 2014: DS2 born 40w3d, 10 lb, 23"
Due May 2017 with DD1!
@jcwhitey that's too bad about your au pair. FX you find another that's equally as lovely.
@mamatowildones and @skeetied yes, I'll definitely check out those apps/sites.
@SWoodd2012 yeah, major anxiety about it. However we find this person, we'll definitely do a (or many) trial run(s).
I'm still hoping we don't need to go this route, although, better to be prepared with options than be stuck with nothing.
DS1 7/24/15
DS2 5/7/17
May17 Siggy Challenge
Labor
Personally, I don't like the idea of cameras. If you have a bad feeling enough that you feel the need to put cameras in your home, you shouldn't hire that person.
I think a thorough screening (references, background check) is important. I would only take someone CPR and first aid certified. My best advice outside of care.com (which takes a lot of weeding through) I'd say find someone through your other mommy friends.
Now, as a mother-to-be, I don't think I could choose a high schooler or even young college person. I want someone who has the maturity to take care of my baby, so while age specifically isn't part of my criteria, it is definitely something I'd be looking at.
I think a nanny/babysitter is important, and I trust them, but I think there's a good way to go about it.Your nanny/babysitter should be comfortable caring for your child in front of you, and the way you want. They should be trained. They should be experienced. They should be able to point out references that aren't their family/friends.
If you have any questions, I'd be happy to continue this dialogue as it's something I'm passionate about.
I think the response from the sitter should be grammatically correct and read like it is personalized to you and your family, not a stock copy and paste job. (I always took the time to reply personally, because it was important to me to put that effort into my nanny jobs.)
Again, on care.com you can make sure there is a picture (and one that's nice, not a drunk FB pic or glamor selfie), background check, and references. You can also make sure they have First Aid and CPR (two separate things.) I brought my CPR and first aid cards to my interviews, though no one ever asked. As someone hiring a nanny, I might (probably would) ask, at least for CPR.
On care.com you can post a job, and when we did this I was very specific about who we were looking for. I would only consider a nanny who was able to reference something from our posting. (We are cloth diapering, for example, and if someone mentioned that it told me they actually read our posting.)
In person, I would ask the nanny their experience and comfort level. I'd want to see them interact with my child(ren) and I'd want them to ask questions back-- it tells me they're engaged and thinking, not just passively there to be a face. Don't be afraid to say too much in the interview, or ask too many questions. It's also a good time to get a feel for the nanny as a person--are they religious or not and do you care; are they educated, do they have career aspirations; will they leave you in 6 months, but if they do maybe it's worth it; do they have a boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse?
Even if you go the word-of-mouth route, I think you should apply the same criteria and interview process. What works for your best friend may not work for your family.
DS1 7/24/15
DS2 5/7/17
All of our kids attend the daycare I used to work at, which is actually at our church (but not affiliated w our denomination) and the twins will too. My best friend happens to be the preschool teacher and I know how they clean the rooms, toys, handle discipline, and their hiring policies. We aren't totallly keen on an in home nanny. I want them to be able to socialize with other kids and DH feels like they get cooped up at home.
We are a college town, and have had some interviews with some who have put ads in the college paper and the local paper. It worked out really well, and we use these "older" ladies for longer stints.
doesn't really answer anyone's questions but this is how we survive:)
We only used a nanny for the first 9 mo of DS's life. Other than that, both kids have been in daycares the whole time. To find a nanny, we went through sittercity.com with much success and it worked again when we needed some regular sitting at other intervals. We loved our nanny. The thing about nannies--ours in particular--is that when they have a sick day you are screwed. I say ours in particular because she had like 7 kids, so whenever one of them was sick she had to be off. It was ok, though. We paid her by the hour (so not for sick time and the like, though we did give her a few paid days off when she hurt her back), and DID end up paying taxes and everything, i.e. doing it the above-board way. I believe we paid her $13/hr in a medium/high COL area back in 2011. I would say in general nannies are good for those early months. I imagine they are also good when you have a few kids because then they can save you $. But we have liked the daycare route.
As for daycares, we have generally found very good ones, and have paid the price for them! However, we did spend about 9 months at a bad one without fully realizing it. Things to look for in a good daycare: word of mouth / parent recommendations, low teacher turnover (ask about this), low/good ratios, various accreditations/merit awards that will vary by state, a good vibe on the visit (are staff attentive, or are babies ignored? do staff look happy or annoyed? are babies restrained or free (free is better)? in the older classes, are there kids who seem out of control/badly behaving? if so, how are the teachers responding to this? is the outdoor space good? does all of the classroom equipment look age-appropriate, safe, engaging? do they provide meals and if so what is the menu? What is the schedule and nap policy/environment? if you cloth diaper, what is their policy about that?) You can also ask about behavior policies, how they manage that, and dismissal policies. This is more for older kids, of course. If your kid is obviously a saint then maybe you won't mind a very strict dismissal policy. But a better daycare will work extensively with a "problem" kid (with success!) before dismissing. If you don't have a saint for a kid that is what you want to hear because you don't want to be dropped and you DO want them to help your kid do better and be happier. Though it's very good to trust your daycare and get in the mentality that they are the experts and you leave it all up to them, it's also good to always be on notice and evaluating them. If something seems wrong/off, don't be afraid to at least START looking for another daycare. Sometimes the "off" thing can be that your kid hates it there (but some kids will hate any place in the beginning.) That's what we didn't really do at our "bad" daycare, which we had suspicions about for a while. It's just that ALL of the other parents were OBSESSED with this place and completely loved it. We ended up having to leave because they simply could not handle our son (and were making some sloppy/stupid mistakes with our daughter, too), and as it turns out we were right--they just closed last week due to mismanagement, some bad personnel, and a series of very unfortunate circumstances. When we left we felt like the weirdos so we weren't really critical of the place when other parents said they'd be sending their kids there, and now I feel bad for not speaking my mind more! The abrupt closure has been very hard on all of the families. Meanwhile, my daughter completely loves the new place where she is, and my son has done galactically better in Kindergarten and in the place he was in over the summer leading to it.
My other main advice on daycares -- most (at least the good ones!) have VERY long wait-lists, especially for babies. If you're going on a long leave, SAH for a while, or getting a nanny at first, I still highly recommend getting on some lists now for the fall or next year. Your situation might change, and if you wait until later to decide to go for it, you might need to wait another year. For our first place, we were able to put in about 9 mo ahead of time and get a spot, but we had an affiliation advantage, and another place in the area that we put in for literally took us off the list 2-3 years later after we had moved away. For the next place, which was after we moved, we were able to get a toddler spot for Sept when we asked in March. But when we told them we were pregnant with #2 and I was about 20 weeks along, they couldn't get her in the infant class until she was about 6 mo old. However, another good place was able to take her when we were ready, at 3 mo old. (We actually loved that place, but did move her for convenience to match with DS, and still loved the infant room at DS's school.) Then we moved again, and were able to get in the "bad" daycare 6 mo ahead of enrolling. We were super lucky that another good one had spots when we had to move them. They were both 2+ at this time, though, which is usually easier than the baby. For #3, I got on the list for a different daycare when I was about 11 weeks pregnant. I'm still on the waitlist technically, but odds look good we can start in July/August. But yeah, when you do the math, this means the waitlist is about 10 mo. I tried for another, better place, and their infant room is full for the Sept 2017 start of the year (sibling/employee priority).
Now finally, the occasional babysitter. We have a long list of occasional babysitters we find through local advertising (our neighborhood has this "nextdoor.com" app) and a nearby university. We'll get references when we can. I *think* I trust all of these people but it can be hard to say, and some of them only come by once or twice. Honestly, we mostly trust our kids' judgment and go with who they say they like. They're also old enough to say things like, "Jenna showed us a video on her phone!" (a no-no). I will have to readjust to get infant care expectations because we haven't had to do that in quite some time! I'm also wondering what might be needed to get someone to sit for 3 kids. I'm obviously willing to pay more, but I wonder if we need to search in different networks to find someone good enough, or whether I need to sometimes hire a pair of friends to do it.
I re-read this thread and really do appreciate everyone's wise takes on this topic.
@jayandaplus: Regarding the care.com advice you gave earlier... and, this is about finding a few good short-notice/part-time/date-night/afterschool babysitters (not a nanny/daycare situation): Do you think it's better to post a specific job and check out the respondents (like you said, to ensure that they've actually read what I initially posted) (but then that might be culling out good sitters who just aren't available for that specific date), or go through the database myself looking for potentials and cold messaging them? Or spend the effort to do both? (Or can I even post a "job" that's open-ended and not date-specific?)
I'm ready to dive into this, but need a nudge in the right direction. Thanks!
In regards to your other post about meeting people in your home before hiring them, I think that's a great idea. Again, no childcare specific experience here, but I would often meet with clients before they hired me for pet care jobs. I feel like it's a perfectly acceptable thing to ask to make sure it's the right fit.
For those still pondering center vs nanny, my $0.02: I love daycare because it provides social learning with DS's peers that he just wouldn't get at home. Does he get roughed around from time to time by another toddler or get into a little spat over a toy? Definitely. But I see those early experiences as supervised learning opportunities for social development (there are always daycare workers in the room guiding and overseeing). Also, the center we are at has SO many activities programmed out every day and I just can't imagine having to actually think about those things for a nanny...oh, and my center provides all meals and snacks, organic and home cooked. Yet another thing I don't have to worry about. There is also a sense of peer pressure (not at all in a bad way) around developmental things like talking, potty training, motor skills, etc. I could go on for hours! But I also know that it's totally dependent on finding the right center...
Sweet Baby H 12.21.11
Sassy Baby P 03.26.14
Little Brother Due 05.22.17
May17 Siggy Challenge
Labor
Even as a SAHM, I think it's important to send my kids to a preschool/daycare around 3 years old. Even if it's just a few hours a week! The social aspect alone is so so so so important for kids!
Sweet Baby H 12.21.11
Sassy Baby P 03.26.14
Little Brother Due 05.22.17
As for meeting in your home, 100 percent yes. I felt more comfortable meeting the child and family first, as a nanny/sitter. It goes both ways. Also, I never got paid for that so I don't think you should feel obligated to do that. From my experience, it's part of the whole gig. Good questions!!
We did use care.com to find a date night sitter once and I agree if you post something you get some weird replies but we ended up finding someone great. We called our top two and had them by to talk and get a feel for them. After the meetings it was a pretty good gut check and we knew who was right for us. We didn't have her trial sit or anything like that, over about a half hour of us talking she got up within the first three and began playing with our son while talking to us which was great. I didn't think we needed a trial separation run or anything after that.
May '17 labor memes
To answer @SKZW's question, I have posted individual job adds on care.com for short-term nanny positions, date night sitters, and mother's helpers for this next baby when I'm going through chemo. As others have said you'll get a variety of responses and will have to weed through them but I have had a really good experience and have found awesome people. And I don't think its weird at all to have an interview scenario where you have do some housework and the person plays with the baby. I kind of wish we had done that because I probably seemed like a clueless mom during my interviews where I held DS the whole time and just asked questions.
Also, for what it's worth, I'm pro-daycare. We have DS in a Goddard school (he'll be 2 in July). He gets really excited each morning when I ask if he's ready for "school". Most of the teachers at the center know his name, even if they aren't in charge of his class. Also, the socialization and what they've taught him has been great. He says please and thank you (well....."says" it. He babbles it). He understands the concept of cleaning up. They've started teaching colors. All of these are things that we've touched on at home, but with both of us working full time, there is no way he'd know as much as he does without the teachers at daycare.
Married:09/14/13
Baby 2 - Due: 5/4/17
DS1 7/24/15
DS2 5/7/17