How to tell my mom no...

azmamatobe · February 2017

My mother and I have faught since I was little. We have always been this way because I don't like a lot of things she does and that's all there is to it.
Fast forward to about 5 years ago and she's moved to another town (states away) she comes to visit about twice a year and we are much better. She still makes me mad and it seems the last week or two of her visits I'm losing my mind but the long breaks in between help a lot.
Now here I am pregnant with my first (my older sister has 2 kids, doesn't live near me or my mom and doesn't get along with my mom great either) and my mom is visiting. She keeps saying how much she'd like to move back so she can stay with us and help care for the baby. I am NOT ok with this. My DH is NOT ok with this. I told her point blank last night we argue too much and that it wouldn't be a good idea but she keeps pushing the subject. The last time she moved in with me she "came for a visit" and didn't leave for 8 months... She's my mom, I get that. But this would not be ok for me and my growing family and I'm just trying to figure out how to stand firm with all this and not completely lose my cool because I'm an emotional mess right now...

casholmes4 · February 2017

Just repeat repeat repeat and don't feel like you have to explain. Anytime she brings it up: "No, that's not going to happen." "No, that doesn't work for our family." "We've said no, and you're being disrespectful by continuing to bring it up." "No, and you not listening to our boundaries makes us not trust you with other boundaries when it comes to the baby."

sqfibemom · February 2017

Set the boundaries now because if you give in, even a litle bit, you'll regret it later. Just tell her no, you appreciate the offer, and you know she is trying to be helpful, but you need and want to do this on your own.

Crystal7perry · February 2017

It's tough, but I agree with the others, set your boundaries and stick to your guns. There are going to be so many more decisions that you're going to be making for your growing family and it's good to set precedence now that YOU are in charge of your family. Good luck!

mommac2017 · February 2017

Stand your ground and be consistent with the message you send her. A new baby is a very special time between a couple. You need time and space. Help is appreciated. But only in a way that you WANT it. Otherwise it's just overbearing. Your emotions will be RIDICULOUS after having the baby. And you won't be thinking clearly. So make sure you are clear and consistent with her about your expectations. And hold your ground momma!!

AlandkeriA · February 2017

Well, I think you've already solved your problem. You don't want her to live with you, you told her that. Case closed. If she keeps bothering you about it, I would limit your contact and distance yourself a little bit from her. Remain pleasant, respectful, loving and kind (because she is your mind). However, stand your ground. You don't need any stress during this time.

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