October 2017 Moms

How to tell my mom no...

My mother and I have faught since I was little. We have always been this way because I don't like a lot of things she does and that's all there is to it.
Fast forward to about 5 years ago and she's moved to another town (states away) she comes to visit about twice a year and we are much better. She still makes me mad and it seems the last week or two of her visits I'm losing my mind but the long breaks in between help a lot.
Now here I am pregnant with my first (my older sister has 2 kids, doesn't live near me or my mom and doesn't get along with my mom great either) and my mom is visiting. She keeps saying how much she'd like to move back so she can stay with us and help care for the baby. I am NOT ok with this. My DH is NOT ok with this. I told her point blank last night we argue too much and that it wouldn't be a good idea but she keeps pushing the subject. The last time she moved in with me she "came for a visit" and didn't leave for 8 months... She's my mom, I get that. But this would not be ok for me and my growing family and I'm just trying to figure out how to stand firm with all this and not completely lose my cool because I'm an emotional mess right now...

Re: How to tell my mom no...

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  • It's tough,  but I agree with the others,  set your boundaries and stick to your guns. There are going to be so many more decisions that you're going to be making for your growing family and it's good to set precedence now that YOU are in charge of your family. Good luck! 
  • Stand your ground and be consistent with the message you send her. A new baby is a very special time between a couple. You need time and space. Help is appreciated. But only in a way that you WANT it. Otherwise it's just overbearing. Your emotions will be RIDICULOUS after having the baby. And you won't be thinking clearly. So make sure you are clear and consistent with her about your expectations. And hold your ground momma!!
  • Well, I think you've already solved your problem. You don't want her to live with you, you told her that. Case closed. If she keeps bothering you about it, I would limit your contact and distance yourself a little bit from her. Remain pleasant, respectful, loving and kind (because she is your mind). However, stand your ground. You don't need any stress during this time. 
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