@Rojita I know how you feel. I had my struggles getting pregnant, and ultimately just want a healthy baby. At the same time, I would love to have a girl. I don't know the sex of my baby yet, but I have an inkling that it's a boy. I am really close to my nieces and I am a girly girl. It would be nice to have a girl, but I would love a boy just as much.
On my husband's dad's side of the family, there hasn't been a girl in the family for awhile. I know I always have that 50/50 chance, but it seems like the odds are tipped somehow. But as I tell my students: you get what you get and you don't get upset/throw a fit.
ETA: I am surprised I still have a preference, given that I struggled to get pregnant. Since I only tried for a year and a half, and had success on my first IUI cycle, I feel like my journey wasn't that bad in hindsight. Now that I am pregnant, all of the pain and longing has dissolved. I do feel more appreciative and protective of the pregnancy.
DH has not been shy about telling everyone that he hopes we have a girl but I've also overheard him telling someone not to make a big deal of it and not to write it down anywhere in any baby memorabilia/baby books etc because if we do have a son, he should never see that in the future and feel like he was unwanted.
@xath@mj8215 I think you've made my husband's day. I watched TNG with him and he's been trying to get me to watch DS9 for years and I've resisted (I tried and watched a couple episodes, but didn't get into it). I'll have to give it another chance.
@CapricaAndrea I love BSG, and I'm hoping to watch it again soon.
My dog started barking out the front window, and I saw that the bible thumpers were headed to my house. So I did what any reasonable person would do: slid off the couch onto the floor and crawled into the hallway. Of course then I had to let the dog keep barking as they rang the doorbell, even though DH works nights and is sleeping. Sorry, DH.
Highly monitored internet and no cell service in the office, so I'm postin' and ghostin' while I'm workin'
My 2 cents: Gender disappointment is a thing. It's real emotions that LOTS of people experience. I think the most appropriate way to express that is the way it just happened here. On an anonymous forum with plenty of people who can either commiserate or talk some sense into you, who will (probably) never meet your future child, and while simultaneously acknowledging that it is overall unimportant and there is some level of guilt over feeling disappointed.
I can't get behind someone who blasts this stuff all over their Facebook, but I wish people weren't so quick to flame for it here.
My dog started barking out the front window, and I saw that the bible thumpers were headed to my house. So I did what any reasonable person would do: slid off the couch onto the floor and crawled into the hallway. Of course then I had to let the dog keep barking as they rang the doorbell, even though DH works nights and is sleeping. Sorry, DH.
This made me actually laugh out loud because I do this!!!!! HAHAHAHAH One time my DH answered the door, in gym shorts only...he's too nice so for 20 minutes he stood there and ended up doing bible readings with them, half naked mind you. Now we run, slither and hide from them, also.
@Rojita I know that ultimately all we want is healthy babies, but that doesn't mean we won't imagine our life one way or the other before we find out the sex. I always imagined having a son first, and watching him look after and protect any little siblings that would come after...Nope. It turned out to be a healthy beautiful baby girl, and now 16 months later I couldn't imagine my life any other way. The fact that I imagined life with a son first, it's just a passing thought that leaves no feelings or emotions.
The disappointment will pass, and your life will be wonderful with two boys! My dad raised four girls on his own and we never had bows or tutus or manicures anyway, so my opinion is that those things are pretty overrated and having boys will be its own kind of amazing!
@GlitterFish and @LoveLee85 we used to get Jehovah's Witness when we were younger until one day my mom got her Bible out and started debating them until they were exhausted and left. They never came back after that!
TTC history in spoiler
Me: 31 Him: 37 Married: Oct 2015 Baby G born June 2017 TTC#2: July 2018 BFP #2: 2/6/19 MC 3/14/19 BFP#3 from IUI #2: 6/30/20 EDD 3/9/21
Re: Jehovah's witness: I am not religious personally, but when people come to my door and want to talk, or sales people want to pitch to me, I let them. For some, it's there job, for others they really feel like they're doing the right thing. It's just a couple minutes of time, and then I politely decline or take the pamphlets and move on. My husband thinks I'm crazy for talking to them though.
Hubby and Me Friends since 2008 Started dating: July 1st, 2013 Engaged: July 1st, 2014 Married: July 1st, 2016 R born: July 8th, 2017 N born: June 30th, 2019 Baby #3 Due: July 7th, 2022 (maybe I only ovulate in October XD)
My dog started barking out the front window, and I saw that the bible thumpers were headed to my house. So I did what any reasonable person would do: slid off the couch onto the floor and crawled into the hallway. Of course then I had to let the dog keep barking as they rang the doorbell, even though DH works nights and is sleeping. Sorry, DH.
This made me actually laugh out loud because I do this!!!!! HAHAHAHAH One time my DH answered the door, in gym shorts only...he's too nice so for 20 minutes he stood there and ended up doing bible readings with them, half naked mind you. Now we run, slither and hide from them, also.
My dog started barking out the front window, and I saw that the bible thumpers were headed to my house. So I did what any reasonable person would do: slid off the couch onto the floor and crawled into the hallway. Of course then I had to let the dog keep barking as they rang the doorbell, even though DH works nights and is sleeping. Sorry, DH.
This made me actually laugh out loud because I do this!!!!! HAHAHAHAH One time my DH answered the door, in gym shorts only...he's too nice so for 20 minutes he stood there and ended up doing bible readings with them, half naked mind you. Now we run, slither and hide from them, also.
You guys are so funny hiding from them, they're like the nicest people in the world and so pleasant to chat with, even if you have different beliefs. They actually just left my house! I told them last time that my hubby was in an accident so they just popped in to check on him, no "bible thumping". But I grew up around witnesses and mormons and have some religious family, so they don't bother me a bit.
Re: Jehovah's witness: I am not religious personally, but when people come to my door and want to talk, or sales people want to pitch to me, I let them. For some, it's there job, for others they really feel like they're doing the right thing. It's just a couple minutes of time, and then I politely decline or take the pamphlets and move on. My husband thinks I'm crazy for talking to them though.
I love your attitude, it's not a big deal giving people two minutes of your day to spread some positivity! Now if people get super preachy, pushy, or sales pitchy, that's when I politely let them know the conversation is over.
My dog started barking out the front window, and I saw that the bible thumpers were headed to my house. So I did what any reasonable person would do: slid off the couch onto the floor and crawled into the hallway. Of course then I had to let the dog keep barking as they rang the doorbell, even though DH works nights and is sleeping. Sorry, DH.
This made me actually laugh out loud because I do this!!!!! HAHAHAHAH One time my DH answered the door, in gym shorts only...he's too nice so for 20 minutes he stood there and ended up doing bible readings with them, half naked mind you. Now we run, slither and hide from them, also.
My dog started barking out the front window, and I saw that the bible thumpers were headed to my house. So I did what any reasonable person would do: slid off the couch onto the floor and crawled into the hallway. Of course then I had to let the dog keep barking as they rang the doorbell, even though DH works nights and is sleeping. Sorry, DH.
This made me actually laugh out loud because I do this!!!!! HAHAHAHAH One time my DH answered the door, in gym shorts only...he's too nice so for 20 minutes he stood there and ended up doing bible readings with them, half naked mind you. Now we run, slither and hide from them, also.
You guys are so funny hiding from them, they're like the nicest people in the world and so pleasant to chat with, even if you have different beliefs. They actually just left my house! I told them last time that my hubby was in an accident so they just popped in to check on him, no "bible thumping". But I grew up around witnesses and mormons and have some religious family, so they don't bother me a bit.
We have some very aggressive, pushy people that come to the door! I use to answer but they won't take 'oh no thank you' from me so I avoid! Lol My neighbor and bestie grew up Mormon and I have no issues with different religions. Just not into the pushy types that come here!!
Anyone else feel like our group exists solely for the llama threads?
I just noticed it has been oddly quiet since yesterday afternoon. Wonder what happened...
Maybe someone lost their wifi privileges
@mj8215 I LOLed at that! Anyway, I log in every day, several times, and sometimes there will be NOTHING new...for hours. Last weekend, there was so little activity, I was gonna lose my mind. I don't enjoy the high drama threads, but I love the good conversations we can get going. What are we missing?
It's seems really quiet most days. About the gender disappointment, I was slightly disappointed when I found out DS was a boy, but now I just love him to pieces and can't imagine having a girl. In fsct, I told DH that I may be just slightly disappointed if this one is girl, just because at this moment, I'd have no idea what to do with a girl and have always been a tomboy. But I know that no matter what, I will so thankful and so in love with this new one as well that it won't even matter! Besides, no telling what I will actually feel till Monday!
I'll comment on gender disappointment topic. I can understand some mild disappointment, especially if it's your last pregnancy. I dont even mind when members post about it when they use thoughtful launguage and the focus remains a healthy baby is what's really important.
The extreme posts ruffle my feathers for example that one wackadoodle on June17 (I think) that was behaving as though her life was over if she didn't have a girl.
Also, not pregnant people who really seems to care and can't be respectful of the fact that after years of infertility the last thing on my mind has been if we are having a boy or a girl, especially during first tri when I was having panic attacks about betas and ultrasounds.
@nktrodden826@crzyforbabies@ljd2010@AdaByron thank you so so much ladies for your words of support, experience and reassurance. Oddly enough I was the one who kept telling my husband not to get disappointed and yet here I am eating my own words which is partly why I have been surprised by and feeling guilty of my own feelings. I do love how one of you pointed out that no one is disappointed in the delivery room and I firmly believe that too - I really am looking forward to meeting this little munchkin!
@Rojita I wasn't sad or disappointed but for some reason I had myself convinced it was a boy so I had life pictured with a boy. I realized I don't know wtf to do with a girl LOL! I'm not a tomboy in a sense that I don't like dresses and such, I am as big of a fan of shoes and purses as the next girl. But I also grew up with mostly guy friends so having a girl to me is like...?!?!?! But I went and bought a ton of clothes for her yesterday and that solidified it for me. I also jumped on the referring to "it" as "she" bandwagon pretty quickly. She's going to be mine and DH's daughter so she's going to be far from a girly-girl anyways. I mean, unless that's just how she is then we can't (and wouldn't want to) change that haha! Moral: It's your story and your baby and it's okay to feel that way. It will pass
I thought I really wanted a boy. But I realized that I was adopting my mother's preference. Now that I know it's a girl, I'm just excited and can't wait to meet her.
When we we found out the baby is a girl, I texted my mom right away and all she said was "yeah." A non-reaction is pretty typical from her, but I can't help but feel I disappointed her.
My MIL was the opposite. When we told my MIL, she said she's so glad that it's a girl. And that I have no idea how lucky I am to have a girl before having a boy.
as if I get a say in the sex of the second baby? Or even want a second baby (I honestly don't know but was taken aback that she presumed I would).
I knew I would be happy either way-- either with two boys or with one of each-- but was really kind of hoping for a second boy. In addition to have everything already, my DH and his brothers are really close and I hoped the same thing for our two kids. And we found out it's a boy! I have generally been thrilled with the news since before Christmas when we found out, but in the last few days I've felt some sadness, too.
This is our last baby, so I'll never have a daughter. My mom and I were always very close, so I think that has something to do with the sense of loss. I also enjoyed imagining sharing my favorite childhood books with a little girl-- Anne of Green Gables, Little Women, etc. I'm still over the moon for a healthy little boy, but I think it's natural and healthy to acknowledge those feelings of disappointment rather than to bury them. Dwelling on them wouldn't help, but speaking and feeling them can.
RE door-to-door people.... I think all of those types of solicitations, religious or not, should be illegal unless you're a neighborhood kid selling Girl Scout cookies or some type of fundraiser for school/church/after school activity. I flat out refuse to talk to the adults because 90% of them are scams or religious people that I don't agree with that won't take no for an answer. It's annoying and it can be dangerous.
@chiquita928 maybe it's the nice weather many of us have enjoyed today?
I can't really comment on sex disappointment since as a FTM I was just over the moon to be expecting after a borderline long trial period of 10 months (I realize it's within the expected range but it was long enough to give me a slight sense of what IF may feel like*, prompting lots of anxiety and other negative feelings). I think most of us agree it's ok to have some feelings along the lines of @Rojita but also agree that any place other than this online forum (or maybe conversation with a trusted IRL friend) would not be appropriate to verbalize it given the pain it may cause people who are struggling right now as well as the baby down the road.
ETA *obviously not trying to minimize actual IF here by the above statement, only saying that by the end of the ten months I was starting to get a very vague idea of how painful it must be to wait and hope and be disappointed for years. Sincerely hope that I didn't offend anyone with above statement.
The number of people coming to the defense re: sex disappointment is honestly mind boggling. I get having a general preference, but actually being upset and crying about it once you know?!? That's ridiculous.
DH and I had been imagining and assuming this baby was a girl. Not that we'd be unhappy with a boy, we just always pictured a little girl. When we learned we're having a boy we were surprised. I'll admit I had a few initial moments of feeling unsure... I'm an only child and very close with my mom, and also a girly-girl myself. I don't know the first thing about little boys, so I'm still a bit nervous... but I know it will all be wonderful and I'll figure it out as I go along. Honestly, I think the name is the only disappointment in this for me because I had my heart set on naming this baby for my maternal grandmother. It really meant a lot to me to honor her memory with my daughter's name. Maybe I'll have another chance, if we decide to have another baby... and if that one is a girl. Until then, we're really happy and excited for this little boy. But no tears of disappointment were shed, just some nerves expressed
All that to say, I can understand picturing a certain sex and then feeling surprised and maybe a little let down when reality proves the opposite. It's normal. We all have preconceived ideas about how we think things will be, and are often wrong... such is life. We learn to get over it and in this case, we enjoy what we're given. I know many friends, and even my own mother, who assumed their children were one sex but surprised they turned out to be the other and they all say that after the child is born they could never imagine any other child. Things just are the way they are always meant to be, and it's not always what we think at first.
The number of people coming to the defense re: sex disappointment is honestly mind boggling. I get having a general preference, but actually being upset and crying about it once you know?!? That's ridiculous.
I missed where anyone said they were crying about it
I said I cried all the way home from the appt. However, if you recall from previous posts we were team green and the ultrasound tech told us anyways. So not only did I have emotions about her not asking if we wanted to know and then hoping we'd have a boy you're damn right I was in tears. But again I cry over everything now.
I'm confused about why anyone has such a specific image of what their child will be like or enjoy based solely on their genitalia. What's to be disappointed about? There was never any guarantee that you would get a kid who likes pink dresses or manicures or sports or whatever no matter their sex. I feel like gender disappointment kind of reveals an unhealthy desire to control your child's personality or live vicariously through them as well as a lot of sexist assumptions about what boys and girls are supposed to be like. They can be whoever, regardless of what is between their legs. Thinking you know what a kid will be like based on their sex out that you won't know what to do with them based on their sex is REALLY problematic to me.
@ellie111227, different strokes for different folks is how I look at it. It did not matter to me if I was having a boy a girl but I can see why it might be difficult for some to not have a specific sex. Maybe the person was close with their Mom or Dad and wants to recreate that bond.
I also get why it bothers some that others have sex disappointment. Especially those of us that have gone through infertility and are just grateful to be having a baby finally.
It bothered me when my Grandma said "oh, a boy, hmmph" because she views boys as less than girls. She treats my brothers and male cousins really poorly and acts like my sisters and cousins are the best things that ever happened. I no longer have much of a relationship with her for other reasons but I made it very clear that if she tries putting any of that crap off on my son I would just prefer she have nothing to do with him.
@ellie111227 you make very good points. And personally, I do not share the sentiments of "disappointment" or whatever people called it. I would have been thrilled with either one. I would also hope to raise either one as a good human being, with the same outlook on life, and values, regardless of whether they are male or female. All I'm saying is if someone has a brief feeling of "oh that's not how I pictured it", processes it and moves on, it doesn't have to mean they are a bad person/ parent/.... It only becomes a problem if someone chooses to act on it, whine about it to family/ acquaintances, or even worse to the child when he/she gets older. As far as the biases you bring up, I completely agree.
I think having a slight sadness after hearing that the baby isn't what you originally hoped for is fine. It's when you go farther than that and don't get over that sadness kinda quickly that I side eye. There are certain things you dream about when you find out you're pregnant and some of those things do depend on the sex of the baby. I can understand that having to let go of those "dreams" would make you a little sad, but to cry and get that worked up about it makes no sense to me. I've never experienced that level of disappointment and I just don't understand it. In my mind, a healthy baby trumps any kind of premptive dream I may or may not have had about what having a specific gender would be like. It's always been that way for me and probably always will. I side eye solely because I just can't understand it and it makes me slightly sad for the child being born.
My view on sex disappointment is that when someone else is upset or guilty feelings because they prefer one over the other...I have nothing to do with it, and don't really care. I mean that in the nicest way possible. I don't know your background, your past life experiences, and it doesn't involve me at all. It's their feelings and I'm not going to try to tell someone they aren't allowed to feel their own feelings, even if I don't really get it.
I think gender dissapointment is really personal and no one can really talk you out of it. I also think it's acquired.
I may have that opinion because of my own experience with gender dissapointment. My mum really wanted a boy when she had me and was very very upset. She feels very guilty (acc to what she says) even though i didn't get affected by it at all during my life. However, when I found out the entire story I was extremely angry, and naturally VERY put off.
But she did the same thing when my sister had her second. So basically it's just something that's engrained in her. I find it very off putting. I understand being disappointed once but the extent these things can go to really impact society. My mother had seen her Own mothers reaction and that's where she learnt it from. My sister felt the same pressure because she had witnessed my mother do the same (my sister is six years older than me). This can create a societal pressure and that's my only issue with expressing gender dissapointment. Its natural to want one over the other I think most people have a preference(from what I've experienced and seen) but I think it's truly the LEAST important part of having a child and there should be more awareness regarding this.
I am having my third boy, and haven't felt an ounce of disappointment. I am thrilled to be having a healthy baby. I have had a previous pregnancy where my baby was not healthy and the devastation is beyond description. Never would I be disappointed to be having a healthy baby, be it boy or girl. Never.
BUT, I will admit this. I am scared. I am scared that statistically speaking, my boy has a higher likelihood of having autism. I am scared because my boy has a higher likelihood of speech delays and issues. I am scared because my boy has a higher likelihood of being more difficult to potty train. ALL the things I've listed above have happened to my two older sons so I say these things after personal experience and years of personal research and speaking to countless therapists and professionals. My oldest is currently being tested for being on the spectrum, my youngest is being tested for dyslexia. Both boys were speech delayed and required years of speech therapy. Both were a nightmare to PT. And math and statistics back me on this, simply put, males are at a higher risk for these things. THAT is the only thing that gives me pause, I sort of wish I could have some comfort in knowing the odds this time would be less in regards to those issues. Every baby is different and girls still experience autism and PT issues and speech issues, of course. It just sucks that the percentage of likelihood is higher for boys.
I wouldn't change my boys for anything. Even with all the issues we've had to deal with in regards to their development, I think they are the best kids in the world and love who they are and who they are becoming. I have hope that my 3rd boy will have no developmental delays, statistically speaking, I have nothing to worry about....most babies, boy or girl, develop typically and have no issues. Here's to hoping!
RE door-to-door people.... I think all of those types of solicitations, religious or not, should be illegal unless you're a neighborhood kid selling Girl Scout cookies or some type of fundraiser for school/church/after school activity. I flat out refuse to talk to the adults because 90% of them are scams or religious people that I don't agree with that won't take no for an answer. It's annoying and it can be dangerous.
Yaasssss! Thankfully I live in the country so we never get any "visitors" out where I am. Although when I did live in a bit of suburbia one of the binder buddies (that's what we call them here haha!) came to the door and chatted me up and eventually I figured out it was a scam but buddy wouldn't go away. Dude must have thought I was alone because he was pretty surprised when I went in the house and DH came out and told him to get off our doorstep ... with plenty of expletives haha! The ones here are very aggressive and people in my town have been known to call the cops on them. In my old town they had a by-law where anyone wanting to go door-to-door had to have a permit so that helped a lot.
RE door-to-door people.... I think all of those types of solicitations, religious or not, should be illegal unless you're a neighborhood kid selling Girl Scout cookies or some type of fundraiser for school/church/after school activity. I flat out refuse to talk to the adults because 90% of them are scams or religious people that I don't agree with that won't take no for an answer. It's annoying and it can be dangerous.
Yaasssss! Thankfully I live in the country so we never get any "visitors" out where I am. Although when I did live in a bit of suburbia one of the binder buddies (that's what we call them here haha!) came to the door and chatted me up and eventually I figured out it was a scam but buddy wouldn't go away. Dude must have thought I was alone because he was pretty surprised when I went in the house and DH came out and told him to get off our doorstep ... with plenty of expletives haha! The ones here are very aggressive and people in my town have been known to call the cops on them. In my old town they had a by-law where anyone wanting to go door-to-door had to have a permit so that helped a lot.
I wish we could get that for my neighborhood!
The ones here are getting so bold that they'll come up to you in the grocery store. I had a "charity" accost me at the greeting cards section yesterday.
Re: Flame Free Friday Confessions
On my husband's dad's side of the family, there hasn't been a girl in the family for awhile. I know I always have that 50/50 chance, but it seems like the odds are tipped somehow. But as I tell my students: you get what you get and you don't get upset/throw a fit.
ETA: I am surprised I still have a preference, given that I struggled to get pregnant. Since I only tried for a year and a half, and had success on my first IUI cycle, I feel like my journey wasn't that bad in hindsight. Now that I am pregnant, all of the pain and longing has dissolved. I do feel more appreciative and protective of the pregnancy.
DH has not been shy about telling everyone that he hopes we have a girl but I've also overheard him telling someone not to make a big deal of it and not to write it down anywhere in any baby memorabilia/baby books etc because if we do have a son, he should never see that in the future and feel like he was unwanted.
@CapricaAndrea I love BSG, and I'm hoping to watch it again soon.
Highly monitored internet and no cell service in the office, so I'm postin' and ghostin' while I'm workin'
I can't get behind someone who blasts this stuff all over their Facebook, but I wish people weren't so quick to flame for it here.
The disappointment will pass, and your life will be wonderful with two boys! My dad raised four girls on his own and we never had bows or tutus or manicures anyway, so my opinion is that those things are pretty overrated and having boys will be its own kind of amazing!
Married: Oct 2015
Baby G born June 2017
TTC#2: July 2018
BFP #2: 2/6/19 MC 3/14/19
BFP#3 from IUI #2: 6/30/20 EDD 3/9/21
Friends since 2008
Started dating: July 1st, 2013
Engaged: July 1st, 2014
Married: July 1st, 2016
R born: July 8th, 2017
N born: June 30th, 2019
Baby #3 Due: July 7th, 2022
(maybe I only ovulate in October XD)
I just noticed it has been oddly quiet since yesterday afternoon. Wonder what happened...
The extreme posts ruffle my feathers for example that one wackadoodle on June17 (I think) that was behaving as though her life was over if she didn't have a girl.
Also, not pregnant people who really seems to care and can't be respectful of the fact that after years of infertility the last thing on my mind has been if we are having a boy or a girl, especially during first tri when I was having panic attacks about betas and ultrasounds.
Moral: It's your story and your baby and it's okay to feel that way. It will pass
Met: 08/2001 ~ Dating: 07/2004 ~ Engaged: 11/2009 ~ Married: 06/2011
TTC: Since 09/16 ~ BFP 10/28/16 ~ EDD 7/5/17
Team Pink * Canadian Bumpie
When we we found out the baby is a girl, I texted my mom right away and all she said was "yeah." A non-reaction is pretty typical from her, but I can't help but feel I disappointed her.
My MIL was the opposite. When we told my MIL, she said she's so glad that it's a girl. And that I have no idea how lucky I am to have a girl before having a boy.
as if I get a say in the sex of the second baby? Or even want a second baby (I honestly don't know but was taken aback that she presumed I would).
This is our last baby, so I'll never have a daughter. My mom and I were always very close, so I think that has something to do with the sense of loss. I also enjoyed imagining sharing my favorite childhood books with a little girl-- Anne of Green Gables, Little Women, etc. I'm still over the moon for a healthy little boy, but I think it's natural and healthy to acknowledge those feelings of disappointment rather than to bury them. Dwelling on them wouldn't help, but speaking and feeling them can.
I can't really comment on sex disappointment since as a FTM I was just over the moon to be expecting after a borderline long trial period of 10 months (I realize it's within the expected range but it was long enough to give me a slight sense of what IF may feel like*, prompting lots of anxiety and other negative feelings).
I think most of us agree it's ok to have some feelings along the lines of @Rojita but also agree that any place other than this online forum (or maybe conversation with a trusted IRL friend) would not be appropriate to verbalize it given the pain it may cause people who are struggling right now as well as the baby down the road.
ETA
*obviously not trying to minimize actual IF here by the above statement, only saying that by the end of the ten months I was starting to get a very vague idea of how painful it must be to wait and hope and be disappointed for years. Sincerely hope that I didn't offend anyone with above statement.
DH and I had been imagining and assuming this baby was a girl. Not that we'd be unhappy with a boy, we just always pictured a little girl. When we learned we're having a boy we were surprised. I'll admit I had a few initial moments of feeling unsure... I'm an only child and very close with my mom, and also a girly-girl myself. I don't know the first thing about little boys, so I'm still a bit nervous... but I know it will all be wonderful and I'll figure it out as I go along. Honestly, I think the name is the only disappointment in this for me because I had my heart set on naming this baby for my maternal grandmother. It really meant a lot to me to honor her memory with my daughter's name. Maybe I'll have another chance, if we decide to have another baby... and if that one is a girl. Until then, we're really happy and excited for this little boy. But no tears of disappointment were shed, just some nerves expressed
All that to say, I can understand picturing a certain sex and then feeling surprised and maybe a little let down when reality proves the opposite. It's normal. We all have preconceived ideas about how we think things will be, and are often wrong... such is life. We learn to get over it and in this case, we enjoy what we're given. I know many friends, and even my own mother, who assumed their children were one sex but surprised they turned out to be the other and they all say that after the child is born they could never imagine any other child. Things just are the way they are always meant to be, and it's not always what we think at first.
I also get why it bothers some that others have sex disappointment. Especially those of us that have gone through infertility and are just grateful to be having a baby finally.
It bothered me when my Grandma said "oh, a boy, hmmph" because she views boys as less than girls. She treats my brothers and male cousins really poorly and acts like my sisters and cousins are the best things that ever happened. I no longer have much of a relationship with her for other reasons but I made it very clear that if she tries putting any of that crap off on my son I would just prefer she have nothing to do with him.
Edit because I suck at words sometimes
I may have that opinion because of my own experience with gender dissapointment. My mum really wanted a boy when she had me and was very very upset. She feels very guilty (acc to what she says) even though i didn't get affected by it at all during my life. However, when I found out the entire story I was extremely angry, and naturally VERY put off.
But she did the same thing when my sister had her second. So basically it's just something that's engrained in her. I find it very off putting. I understand being disappointed once but the extent these things can go to really impact society. My mother had seen her Own mothers reaction and that's where she learnt it from. My sister felt the same pressure because she had witnessed my mother do the same (my sister is six years older than me). This can create a societal pressure and that's my only issue with expressing gender dissapointment. Its natural to want one over the other I think most people have a preference(from what I've experienced and seen) but I think it's truly the LEAST important part of having a child and there should be more awareness regarding this.
BUT, I will admit this. I am scared. I am scared that statistically speaking, my boy has a higher likelihood of having autism. I am scared because my boy has a higher likelihood of speech delays and issues. I am scared because my boy has a higher likelihood of being more difficult to potty train. ALL the things I've listed above have happened to my two older sons so I say these things after personal experience and years of personal research and speaking to countless therapists and professionals. My oldest is currently being tested for being on the spectrum, my youngest is being tested for dyslexia. Both boys were speech delayed and required years of speech therapy. Both were a nightmare to PT. And math and statistics back me on this, simply put, males are at a higher risk for these things. THAT is the only thing that gives me pause, I sort of wish I could have some comfort in knowing the odds this time would be less in regards to those issues. Every baby is different and girls still experience autism and PT issues and speech issues, of course. It just sucks that the percentage of likelihood is higher for boys.
I wouldn't change my boys for anything. Even with all the issues we've had to deal with in regards to their development, I think they are the best kids in the world and love who they are and who they are becoming. I have hope that my 3rd boy will have no developmental delays, statistically speaking, I have nothing to worry about....most babies, boy or girl, develop typically and have no issues. Here's to hoping!
Met: 08/2001 ~ Dating: 07/2004 ~ Engaged: 11/2009 ~ Married: 06/2011
TTC: Since 09/16 ~ BFP 10/28/16 ~ EDD 7/5/17
Team Pink * Canadian Bumpie
The ones here are getting so bold that they'll come up to you in the grocery store. I had a "charity" accost me at the greeting cards section yesterday.