Not my first IVF rodeo

rainbowwishes5 · February 2017

Thanks @radmom27 and @mtpbadger

JamieH2000 · February 2017

@mtpbadger- I've been thinking of you and so sad to see your update. I really hope the letrozole will be the magic ticket. I am not in your exact situation (kind of he flip side where we can't get embryos), but I know the devastation of trying everything and getting crushed again and again. Some days life seems really unfair.

so sorry everyone else is still here as well... I hope no one else has to join this group, but it is nice to chat with other ladies who understand the absolute heart break of repeated failures and at the point of considering third party options. Even when you get told you have infertility, no one really expects to end up at this point. I wish I could offer more hope but feeling pretty defeated myself right now. Just know that I get it and I'm still cheering for each of you!

mtpbadger · February 2017

@jamieh2000 Thank you and it is nice to have other people in similar situations. I think back to starting my first IVF and thinking that would be it. Never thought I'd still be here trying. It's so hard when the next steps are basically grasping at straws and doing something that "might work" while spending thousands of dollars more on a chance. Feeling defeated is normal and hopefully you figure out what is next for you.

A former coworker/good friend found out last week that her DH's latest SA came back basically infertile. She always knew she would have to use donor eggs as she doesn't have any and had come to terms with that, but with this latest blow, there's a slim chance of either of them having a biological child and I can't even imagine. As bad as I was feeling for myself last week, that was a good reminder that there are others who have a much bigger hill to climb.

artemis618 · February 2017

Hi ladies, it's taken me a while to go back and read from the beginning (I started out looking for protocol tips) - I'm so sorry you're all here and I appreciate your sharing your experiences.

i've only gone through one IVF cycle, but it was such a disaster (zero blasts) that I feel like I go here now (or certainly am headed that way). I'm starting bc for IVF#2 this week, and have a hysteroscopy scheduled for 2/23 to get the ute ready in case I have anything to xfer that looks like it won't make it to freeze this time.

I understand that first IVF cycles often don't work, but I didn't even get anything to xfer, much less freeze/PGS test as was the plan. I feel like I was humored by the number of eggs retrieved (12R, 9M-->3F if you can't see in my signature 'cause you're always on mobile like I am) the way I was with getting "normal" NIPT results back 2 days before *TW* miscarrrying at almost 12 weeks (I realize they can't check for everything, but that was deceptively falsely comforting). Going through another cycle because I have insurance coverage for a second, but I'm not really sure where to go from there (RE's not brought up DE just yet, but appears to be a quality issue).

I am sure my Dr. hates google, but I was wondering whether anyone still does the agonist/antagonist conversion thing any more? When I google, I don't see anything recent (except for Dr. Sher of course). Being AMA, I wonder if LH/testosterone is negatively affecting my egg quality (as I start Androgel today...).

rainbowwishes5 · February 2017

@artemis618 I did antagonist- 8 eggs. 7 fertlized- 2 blasts- untested but **TW** cp soooo I'm not doing that this time. Micro lupron flare is my next game plan.

JamieH2000 · February 2017

@artemis618- sorry you find yourself here and sorry for your loss and disappointing round one. Hopefully it was just a bad cycle and round two will go much better. I don't have all the answers... but a few ideas maybe. I have heard that estrogen priming (instead of BC) before a cycle can help quality, so maybe ask your doctor about that? I have also heard that HGH during stimming can help quality. I did HGH during my second cycle and while it didn't help me, it does seem to help some. Unfortunately even if you have insurance, they won't cover HGH as its not FDA approved for infertility and its expensive (like $1800 for 9 days or something), so not sure if its worth trying or not. My clinic also does 3 day transfers when you have 4 embryos or less. The thinking if the womb is the best place for development, so if you don't have a lot of embryos to choose from, just put them back as soon as possible. Going to day 5 helps you see which ones are stronger and have a better chance, but if you only have a couple, it may be better to just transfer on day 3. not sure if any of this helpful, but wishing you the best for round 2!

artemis618 · February 2017

Thanks for your responses @rainbowwishes5 and @JamieH2000!

@rainbowwishes5 My alternative is mid-luteal (I think that's long) lupron, toward which I'm leaning because although I'm concerned about oversuppression, it doesn't really get worse than zero blasts with this last antagonist cycle

@JamieH2000 I will inquire about estrogen priming - it's not clear to me when that's indicated. Last cycle (and planned for this) she had me on Androgel (testosterone gel) so seems kind of opposite (and still makes me wonder about the effects of androgens on egg quality). I did actually use hgh (Omnitrope) for this cycle, sadly. Although 8 days for me was $680 (2-5.8mg vials - I actually took it over 9 days thanks to a mixing oops with my first vial) - maybe the price has come down? Wasn't as open to the idea of a day 3 transfer last round because I figured I should at least do the second cycle that insurance covers as I'll be 40 this year and the benefit may be even more useless later. We'd consider subsequent rounds OOP, but if they're all going to be 100% bad eggs like the first one, then probably we should just move on (I froze a few eggs back in 2012, so could "donate" those to myself, but they are last resort and quality may not much better as I was no spring chicken back then either).

rainbowwishes5 · February 2017

@artemis618 I'm not going to bs you- yes- you're right it doesn't get any worse. Ugh. I hope this works so much better for you. I see so many women jump from FET to fet and it's like--- ahhhhh on top of IF I am super unlucky in many ways! This is unlucky. Antagonist sucks is my take away! Grr

Hopeful_mom · February 2017

@artemis618 I have to say its amazing how these protocols work differently for everybody. I feel many still use the antagonist protocol but who knows. I dont get many eggs to begin with so I guess I can't say. My first cycle I only got 4/5 eggs and then tried Micro lupron something and did even worse on that. Granted they were back to back cycles so that could have something to do with it. Then went back to antagonist and just got 3 but they were 3 good ones that did fertilize, and I was pregnant with twins, MC at 10 weeks so i'm getting back to it now...but its still used by many.. This next cycle I believe I'm doing the estrogen priming antagonist to hopefully I'll get more eggs. Lucky you have some frozen eggs thats awesome!! and 2012 was still 5 years ago which means technically the quality they would tell you i would believe is better. Interesting stuff you're taking, I"m not that familiar with it.

@mtpbadger- sorry to see your going through so much ugh!! It does get harder when u can't get a solution. I wish i could shed some light for you but luckily that was one thing i didn't have issues with too much. I feel like on other threads there are certain foods that some would try to eat to help with it but can't say they had much success. I have thought about someone else carrying the baby, i'm hoping I still can, so far they say yes but who knows. I totally get what you feel, you just want the whole experience from beginning to end....not conceiving naturally is hard enough to give up i think, we dont want to give up anything else. And then reading about ur friend, geez why must some people have it so hard!! I"m nervous in my next round that I won't get any eggs to blasts...I did a day3 transfer and got pregnant which is great BUT doesn't mean they wouldve become blasts either. Let me be one of the first to wish you a VERY HAPPY AND HEALTHY BIRTHDAY!!! May all your dreams come true!!

@rainbowwishes5 ugh so sorry you're going through this. They weren't able to test anything from your previous MC? I hope you have a better response to micro lupron, I did not at all, so much I had to change my cycle to an IUI. When I think back to IUI, I still dont get how that process doesn't work, it all just amazes me! Do you take any other vitamins other then prenatal?

@JamieH2000 thinking of you always, how r u holding up? HGH huh? Never heard of it. I dont my place does anything not FDA approved but we shall see. Have you had a follow up with your RE? Hope you're taking good care of yourself! I know its hard. All i concentrate on is when can o get pregnant.

@radmom27 hmmmmm odd. I have to say if I was in your shoes as much as i would want to jump in and put those two frosties in i would go for another round. Better to kno you have them and they can then be the sibling

I'm sitting here contemplating the same thing. I really want to get pregnant ASAP! And the thought of batching scares me...what if none make it to frosties. This is such a HARD process, i'll never understand why it has to be so hard. Some people wait till 40 to get married and they get pregnant a month later.

AFM: I've had the worst cold for a week but not ready for antibiotics, my body is still trying to fight it. I was suppose to go in for another blood test but between being sick and the snow storm i missed it. Had a family party this weekend that i shouldve been pregnant for so i have to say this weekend was just so hard, and getting dressed and putting a happy face on didn't help, neither did the bottle of wine. I feel like I haven't enjoyed wine in 2 years cause you're always TTC and I felt guilty drinking it, mad i guess cause i knew there was just no shot. Anyhoo oddly enough AF has shown up but my nurse just informed me that it doesn't mean my levels are good, go figure. Made my appointments for my saline sono and then have to meet for pgs testing. Of course another $150 as that dr isnt covered. I'm still not into it but I guess cause OH would like it i'll have to go hear it. I'm glad at least its finally here and then hopefully this means I can move on and see whats next. I'd lilke to think I'm one week closer right

OOOOO and the icing on the cake my actual RE will be away the entire week and another RE will have to do the sono and catch her up. Its like my body picked the week she wouldnt be there on purpose. The least amount of trips i have to make to the dr the better, but still....ugh!! Hopefully we will all catch our much deserved breaks soon!!

Hopeful_mom · February 2017

oops it posted 2x

radmom27 · February 2017

@artemis618 I agree with Hopeful_Mom...these protocols work for some people and not others. I was a trainwreck on microflare Lupron but have heard it works wonders for people with similar situations. I found that estrogen priming with the antagonist protocol works best for me to get eggs, but I haven't had any of those stick yet.
@Hopeful_mom The waiting is the one of the worst parts about this long term infertility stuff. Ugh.

rainbowwishes5 · February 2017

Ohhh @Hopeful_mom I am feeling all the feels for you. Hugs. This is so hard I'm so sorry. Drink and drink if it will help (well- you know what I mean). Know that pretty much everyone on this board loves and feels for you.
Afm- I take DHEA and coq10. And the DHEA is new. So. Ugh. We'll see. Still not cleared to start- waiting on karyotype testing on us to come back. Nothing w the babes to test unfortunately.

Hopeful_mom · February 2017

rainbowwishes5 thanks for the kind words! And YES I know what u mean

I started the dhea later as well. At first my RE really didn't consider me DOR and said i can take extra vitamins if i like but its not necessary. Then as time went on my body is responding like DOR even if I don't have all the markings for it. My AFC in the beginning was 14 and then a cycle i did IVF it was 8 so my body does what it wants when it wants. So with that I started taking the extras to help...I can only hope they are! Sorry you had nothing to test, that has to be hard. I feel like knowing i had a good healthy baby made me feel like I need to try again. It does give me some hope that I can still produce good eggs. You're made to think you don't have good eggs BUT i'm hoping its just more that the clock ticking then anything else.

@radmom27 I also hate that you're life just becomes this. Its really all I truly concentrate on. Its bad nothing is fun the way it should be. For get about traveling or vacations, I haven't had one in years, which I 'm ok with, but then realize it sucks too. AND I have gained so much weight through this process with all the hormones which is really not helping my current mood. I'm a yo yo so its nothing knew gaining and losing but when its all this other stuff adding to the cause not all the french fries and ice cream it gets a bit annoying too!

AFM: RE let me know that the results from the sample taken after the D&C was nothing, i can't say inconclusive either. They basically didn't have enough tissue or whatever to get anything from. Great, maybe if you wouldve done the D&C a week sooner you would have. It is what it is, I know I can create a healthy baby i'm just hoping theres nothing my body did to reject it. I hate that they assume something was wrong with the other baby and thats why I MC. Seeing them both that morning looking and sounding perfect really makes it so hard to believe!
Question to the group. I hear so many ladies mention how supportive, comforting and great OH is thru this process. My OH has been through MC before with his EX and he just isnt any of those things. Any time we discuss the MC I refer to the babies and he always says they werent that yet. Really at 10 wks I saw lil feet wiggle, and maybe if he was at the appt he would agree. I digress, but its hard when you have to argue through this process. He has kids already so I just feel like its always all on me. I feel like I'm lucky I had any samples to use as Ive had cycles cancelled because of him. Anyone else have similar issues?

rainbowwishes5 · February 2017

@Hopeful_mom after the first MC DH cried a tiny bit one night, second MC he was sad and this past one just didn't register. He even said afterwards that he had a bad feeling the day they were transferred. But, then again, I had those feelings right up to transfer day.

mtpbadger · February 2017

@hopeful_mom I think it's hard for men to fully understand. I've heard from a lot of male friends that they really don't feel a connection to the baby until it is born or at least until much further along in the pregnancy. It's so different than us, feeling a connection at transfer or feeling changes happening to our bodies. Males are sort of removed from all of that so it's harder for them to understand what a huge loss it actually is. Thank you for the birthday wishes! I wasn't too excited about it, since I had hoped I would have been pregnant by now, but it was nice to have a low key night with DH and eat some DQ ice cream cake (my FAV!)

JamieH2000 · February 2017

@Hopeful_mom- I know I can't fully relate because I haven't had a loss and my DH has been very supportive overall, but I second what others have said about men dealing with it differently. I wish I had better advice.. but I think the best thing any couple can do during this time is just have very open communication. Of course I don't always tell DH how hard it is all the time or the times when I am really sad since I don't want to continue to be a depressing part of our lives... but overall he knows how much I'm hurting and struggling so I think that's important. while my DH is very supportive, he doesn't "need" this like I do, so I do sometimes feel alone on the journey. Overall I think it had made our relationship stronger, and I really hope soon we will be on the other side looking back saying that if we can get through that, we can get through anything. Hang in there chica!

@mtpbadger- DQ cake is my fav too!! I almost got one of those heart shaped ones for vday, but we already had ice cream at home. Its so sad how this journey is hard every day of the year, but particulary on bdays and holidays which are supposed to be the happiest days of the year. Thinking of you and hoping that this year is YOUR year!

rainbowwishes5 · February 2017

Happy belated @mtpbadger!!!!

Hopeful_mom · February 2017

natalie4oscar how are you doing?

Hopeful_mom · February 2017

Ladies thanks for the input! It's very true about men not connecting till they're are born, but it makes it hard.
My OH and I spend more time apart then together with our crazy work schedules so that sux alll around! It's sad that holidays should be fun and they're not.

my birthday is next month and I should've been pregnant heading towards 5 months with twins. That was one of the first things I thought about as I was so upset at my last birthday, this year would be different....O it's gonna be different and more miserable which I didn't think was possible. Maybe I'll be stemming by then who knows, ugh I never thought this process would make me as sad as it has.

im glad u enjoyed ur bday @mtpbadger usually the lower the expectations the better the day can be!

side note: AF lasted maybe 2 days 2 and a 1/2, and I just started bleeding again, 3-4 full days of nothing WTH!!! I hope this won't throw off my sono now.

rainbowwishes5 · February 2017

@Hopeful_mom ughhhh!!! Fx no delays. And I'm so sorry. Honestly, I dread my birthday. Every holiday seems The Worst and I don't feel much like celebrating anything at all. Especially not having time slip through my fingers. Sorry- that was not exactly uplifting. Just how I'm feeling. Commiserating? But I am sure this time next year things WILL be different and for the better. For ALL of us.

Hopeful_mom · February 2017

@rainbowwishes5 AMEN!! I hear ya, i think thats whats getting me through these days thinking like that....it just has to be!!!

Hopeful_mom · February 2017

How is everyone doing??

AFM: Thought id check in as I Had my sono and over 30 vials of blood taken yesterday. Luckily my lining is thin and everything looks and on point for another transfer thank goodness!!

Oddly enough My hcg levels r at 5.8, they have to be at least under 5, how ridiculous is that...by next week hopefully everything will be on track so I can get started. Just so crazy how long it's taking to go down.

Also met with another dr about pgs testing, believe it or not I'm still torn, and OH wants it done.

Joslynj11 · February 2017

@Hopeful_mom I am so excited to hear that your levels are finally down and that you are almost ready to get started!! Sucks that you were at 5.8, but I hope by next week you will be completely down so you can get going!

natalie4oscar · February 2017

ohh @hopeful_mom I just want to wrap you up and give you big hugs. <<>> I'm so sorry, this is sucky, this whole process, the hopes, the dreams, the losses and the disappointment can just go smoke a big fat one! (my very professional opinion :-) )

But you are strong, so strong, so get back out there put on those Boss Lady panties and get ready for the next round and if that OH is not there enough for what you need right now, ask him to be, tell him what you need right now. So often as women we protect everyone and want to make sure everyone else is ok before ourselves, but right now life is freaking tough for us and we need help and support, don't be afraid to ask for it.

Sending all you ladies lots of virtual hugs, thank god for this site, because yes.. others (including our partners) just don't get it sometimes.

Hopeful_mom · February 2017

Joslynj11 forget about me for a sec but HOLY MOSES am I reading your update right?? in 3 days your beta went from 277 to 8,945 OMG thats too amazing for words!!! Did you hear her right

I'm really hoping you want multiples

Could be more then 2 insert mouth drop here!! eeeeekkkkk those numbers are so exciting!!! One week till your US, I'm so excited!! I try to keep up with you on the other board...but come back to share your new, we're all here cheering you ladies on!!! I'm actually shocked my number wasn't at zero - honestly...its a week and it just dropped 20, makes no sense....trust me I wish it was higher and i was preggers

but come on already!

@natalie4oscar awwww thanks squeezing right backatcha

I'm truly thankful to have all you lovely ladies here. I'm finding it harder to connect with my other friends as many dont know what i'm going through. Its not their fault I just dont share...and no one has had my issues so they're really not going to understand even though they feel sorry for me. My cousin the other day told me what a great mom i'm going to be, and I said I can only hope that it happens and i get the chance. They keep saying how much my age plays a factor so who the hell knows. I truly want to believe that, but after what happened you can understand why i'm quite nervous to get my hopes up again...and then you hear that you just cant think that way. Some days are better then others! At my appt I had a follicle at about 18 so technically i should be ovulating soon, wouldnt it be great to just get that natural BFP, just once!! I sit here and pray for that however because they keep going on and on about my age, I think I really need to do the batching and save whatever eggs I can in hopes of having more then one child. Its hard because they truly only want to put one in now because of what happened. I think they they I only miscarried cause there was 2, they dont say it but they way I keep hearing no, just one healthy one os all we need right now. Makes me sad even though I know thats probably the smarter thing to do. Hows your tww going?

Joslynj11 · February 2017

***TW***@Hopeful_mom I was shocked when they told me. I had my nurse repeat it a couple of time because I wasn't sure I heard her right

I would be super excited for twins but right now I am just praying for at least one healthy happy little one. It's still so hard to believe that I have made it this far after so many failed cycles. It's like I am still waiting for them to tell me "just kidding" or something. Thanks for trying to keep up, I try to come lurk here but I don't want to post to try and respect the journeys you ladies are still on too. I hope you can get back on the horse soon. And I wish all the best for all the ladies on this thread. I know its hard to hold faith after so many failed tries but even though its not easy we still need to find a way to hope. Thinking of all you ladies

JamieH2000 · February 2017

@natalie4oscar - thinking of you and hoping you get good results at your beta- I think its very soon?!

Joslynj11 - I'm happy for anyone when they have success, but especially happy for our group here that have been through this a few times! It gives me much more hope when others who have had multiple tries finally get success! I really hope that everything looks good on your U/S and this is your THB (or two!)!

natalie4oscar · February 2017

@joslyn11 WOW those numbers are AMAZING - congratulations

Thank you @Jamiehoo I went in for BETA this morning and now.. just waiting...I'm trying so hard to get some work done, but I cant concentrate on anything else

Joslynj11 · February 2017

Thank you ladies @JamieH2000 and @natalie4oscar. I have a special place in my heart for all of you and us who have suffered through try after try. FX there are more happy endings coming soon!! @natalie4oscar I hope they call soon! I had to take beta day off this time and that really helped

Thinking of you girlie

natalie4oscar · February 2017

I finally got the call and it is positive!!! HCG level 103

Joslynj11 · February 2017

@natalie4oscar So happy for you! Hope things keep going up from here

JamieH2000 · February 2017

@natalie4oscar- wow that is the best news! Congrats! Fx for a great second beta!

mtpbadger · February 2017

Omg that is wonderful news @natalie4oscar and @joslynj11!!!

How are you hanging in there @jamieh2000? I can't remember, are you switching up your protocol for March?

@hopeful_mom Hopefully when you go back this week (if you haven't already) your levels will be below 5! Hopefully some of the blood work you had done may shed some light on any issues that can be corrected.

AFM - Friday will be my last day of estrace and then will start provera to induce a period. I'm not sure what the next steps are from there so will be emailing my nurse today. Hubs and I also started Whole30 on Sunday (I want an English muffin SO BADLY!). I figure if this might be our last shot, I want to be as healthy as possible and have read that eliminating grains and soy can help balance out hormones. Plus I've just been feeling "blah" and unhealthy lately so can't hurt.

Joslynj11 · February 2017

@mtpbadger I am so excited to see you so close to cycling again. I hope your nurse is able to give you a good idea of a schedule! I know what you mean with pulling out all the stops to be super healthy for your upcoming transfer. I really tried to do everything I could on my end to help since I knew it was our last try.

natalie4oscar · February 2017

thank you ladies, I'm still too nervous to be too excited just yet, but I appreciate all of your support

@mtpbadger - good for you for trying Whole 30, I did something similar (vegetarian version), it is tough to stick to but gets easier over time and when you make time to prep, that's the hardest part.

Hopeful_mom · February 2017

work has been hell - glad to see some good news on the board!

@natalie4oscar- yay!!! thats what i like to see, great first beta!! Are you going back for a 2nd tomorrow....we will all be eagerly waiting!!

@mtpbadger - now i have to go look up Whole 30. I feel like all i've been complaining about is how much weight i've gained this last year. I actually was pretty ok with eating and such up until the MC. The hormones didn't help and i gained weight there...then the pregnancy came and i lost a few of those lbs, then the MC came and i put on like 10 in the week and i fill like another 10 in the last month ugh!! Im not a happy camper, and my frustration is how fast the up and down is...very annoying. Doing the iui was more gradual, a lb here and there, but after that it just got tougher and tougher. I was complaining to another i feel like soon my OH wont want to have sex with me. I know it sounds extreme but i'm highly annoyed....and its not like I feel motivated to even try anything to extreme right now. I was going to and everyday i was like tomorrow

BUT super excited to see you're moving along! I feel like a few of us will be together in the next cycle. I THINK i'm doing batching so i'm sure to be with u at some point

My blood check is tomorrow so we shall see what the verdict will be...

@Joslynj11 u know i cant wait for your US, how many do they think r cooking...maybe some identical are in the cards for you

JamieH2000 · February 2017

@natalie4oscar- congrats girl! so happy for you!

@mtpbadger- did you get any info from your nurse? I hope they have a good plan. Good to hear from you and hoping that this is your cycle!! and all of ours of course Thinking of you!

Hopeful_mom · March 2017

@mtpbadger - whats the protocol ur doing?

@JamieH2000 are u doing a different protocol this next cycle. I'm hoping this is it for me and forever hold my piece!

JamieH2000 · March 2017

@hopeful_mom- no changes to protocol since I don't think we can get more than 12 eggs, 8 mature eggs and 6 fertilized.. just have to hope we get a good egg since the RE says it could be that only a small fraction are good quality based on never getting a BFP after all the cycles and trying naturally. It will be a true miracle if this works on our last cycle!

Hopeful_mom · March 2017

JamieH2000 thanks so much for your speedy response!! I'm getting nervous as you hope this will be the magical cycle. And miracles happen all the time no reason it cant happen for you!! And you're not the only one that has been down this road and first hit the jackpot on cycle 4!!! xoxo

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