@silliegirlie143 He is very lucky he's never had to be part of that devastating situation. And I'm glad the person that had to be in that situation doesn't have to hear your father's opinions.
@silliegirlie143 I would not break that connection. Although I don't agree with his comments, that's life. My kids are going to meet and deal with lots of different people in their lives, so my goal isn't to teach them those people don't exist, it's to teach them how to deal with those people.
I come one from a very strict conservative catholic Italian family and the evolution has been extraordinary to watch. Two cousins recently came out as gay, my cousin married and had children with a Muslim man from Iraq, pre marriage pregnancies, etc.. and the acceptance that I've seen is amazing. Even the old stubborn people who were raised differently are starting to turn, and the ones that didn't, I tolerate. It s what tolerance and diversity means and I want my kids to understand that. I feel the newer generations are turning the tables and that's what matters, not a bunch of old fashioned mind sets.
I feel kids need their relationships with their grandparents, it's such a special relationship.
I do this every Saturday and Sunday and it's the highlight of my weekends!
Hell yeah! Weekends are total nap days. My SIL has stopped giving her DS naps because she doesn't think he needs it. My son is 2 months older and I am like, "ummm he is getting naps until he starts kindergarten and maybe after." (It isn't completely for me, young kids need a quiet brain break and a chance to recharge. Okay maybe it's 60% for me.)
I love naps, but my almost 4 year old rarely takes them. If he takes a nap, he is up until at least 11pm and I just can't take it! Cutting out naps gets it much closer to 9pm, which is more bearable on weekdays. If he does nap, it's on Saturday so I can nap with him and sleep in some on Sunday.
I am so lucky with DS. He will take a 3 hour nap and still go down at 7:30. I figure that means that this one won't sleep at all.
Me: 34 DH: 35 Married: July 2009 BFP: November 2012 after 2 years of TTC DS born August 2013 Diagnosed with PCOS April 2016 3 months of trigger shot with timed intercourse BFN x3 First IUI: 9/17/16 BFP: 9/30/16 EDD: 6/11/17
Thanks for the thoughts. And no, I would not be pulling away from or cutting him out just because of his comments that I disagree with. That would be just as intolerant as he is. As always, there's more to the story. But this is what makes it FFFC... a decision I know not everyone would agree with
I feel like that one was such a downer i should something more light hearted...
DD has started saying WTF?! (Not the abbreviation... the actual words) so I taught her to say "what in the world?!" to avoid being judged by her teachers at school Shes been hanging out with the Mr too much in the mornings... hahaha
***potential trigger warning for infertility vets***
My FFFC- I tell people this pregnancy was planned if they ask, but it wasn't. We were planning on starting to try in December, and we had stopped being really serious about avoiding, but we were actually somewhat hoping to have our next baby after the summer ended. We were both thrilled when we found out, and, like I said, we weren't trying hard to NOT get pregnant, but what I tell people is still a lie. After 18 months of infertility after my first daughter was miscarried before i got pregnant with dd, and with my kids close enough together that people will judge that (they'll be 20 months apart), I just don't want to hear the comments people would make if they knew this timing want totally intentional and that we didn't have to go to the lengths we did last time to get pregnant. So I just say it was planned. They shouldn't ask anyway, right?
@ellie111227. I don't think that's bad and in a sense you were planning to get pregnant. You knew it was going to happen but I am sure after it taking so long the first time you probably thought it would be awhile again. I felt that way. It took 2 years for DS and 4 months for this one. I was shocked but happy we didn't have to wait 2 years again. Give yourself a break, you love the baby, you were going to have another, the white lie is fine.
Me: 34 DH: 35 Married: July 2009 BFP: November 2012 after 2 years of TTC DS born August 2013 Diagnosed with PCOS April 2016 3 months of trigger shot with timed intercourse BFN x3 First IUI: 9/17/16 BFP: 9/30/16 EDD: 6/11/17
@ellie111227 it's none of their business anyway... we struggled with IF for over a year before I got pregnant with my boys. My issue is PCOS-IR and I hardly ever ovulate on my own... for this LO we were trying and absolutely thrilled that my body cooperated so much faster than last time around.
FTR I lie too this time around... I'm getting judged by work and what feels like everyone for the timing and having more than 2 kids so I just say it was a total surprise/unplanned when people ask. But I know we were trying and apparently my keto diet did the trick and I ovulated on my own for the first time in months.
@michaela0704 It's funny that we use the opposite white lie to avoid judgement for a similar circumstance. I just know that all the people who told me to just stop thinking about it and it would magically happen when we were trying for dd would feel so vindicated if they knew we got pregnant this time without medical help and without even "trying" per say. Not just realize that my doc finally sorted out my underlying hormonal issues. Idiots.
You guys are making me feel better about my lie :-)
@semicolon I'm sure has better tricks than i do since I'm not a vegan, but in the meantime, I use this egg substitute a lot so I can eat the cookie dough. Or if I am out of eggs, I guess. It works great.
For each egg, whisk together: 2 tablespoons water, 1 teaspoon oil, 2 teaspoons baking powder.
@ellie111227 I always feel the need to tell people about struggling to have my first child to justify having 4 kids so close together. I have PCOS and the dr said if I could successfully get pregnant, stay pregnant and BF then it's possible my hormones could correct themselves. It took 3 kids but after #3 I had "normal 28 day cycles" for the first time in my life.
TTC#1 for 19 months with PCOS and MFI IUI#3 + injectables = BFP!!!! Beta#1-134(13dpiui) Beta #2-392(15dpiui) #1 born December 2011
TTC#2 - Beta #1 -51@10dpo Beta#2 -1353 @16dpo #2 born May 2013
TTC # 3 June 2014 BFP 12-1-14
#3 born August 2015 #4!!!!!!! due June 2017
@ellie111227. I LOATHED when people would say the whole, "just stop worrying about it and it will happen." Or "it'll happen when it is supposed to." I know they were struggling with trying to find something supportive to say but I really wanted to smack them. No sometimes it doesn't just 'happen'.
Me: 34 DH: 35 Married: July 2009 BFP: November 2012 after 2 years of TTC DS born August 2013 Diagnosed with PCOS April 2016 3 months of trigger shot with timed intercourse BFN x3 First IUI: 9/17/16 BFP: 9/30/16 EDD: 6/11/17
People really should just not ask if a pregnancy was planned or not. It's always rude imo and really no ones business. I feel like you will get judged no matter what too. We had 2 unplanned pregnancies and dd happen in the same year, first two mc. I hated it when people asked if we planned her because while we wanted kids. We were not ready, but after having 2 mc in a row I honestly thought we wouldn't be able to ever carry to term. Dh told me even though it's bad timing lets just see what happens and then she did. So I never knew what to say to that question. Now this little guy was planned and way better timing we still get judged for planning a baby when we live in a small house. If we ever have a third we will be judged for being greedy and having a third even though our house will be nicer. Older moms are judged for waiting. Young moms are judged for not having their lives together yet. you just can't win on when you have a baby. Lol
@ellie111227 It is noones business if it was planned or not. Why are people so nosey?
I get asked every single day of twins run in my family. It's super annoying. At some point I might just respond with nope they were a year in a half hard work, about $20,000 and lots of failed stop thinking about it and it will happen.
@LOTON01 just to address the whole twins thing... a lot of my fellow MoM friends respond to the whole 'do they run in your family?' with 'well they do now!' or 'ugh... all over the place!!' I actually have been getting into genealogy and did DNA testing, there is actually a genetic marker for increased likelihood for fraternal twins... not that it matters, but I found it cool... in my nerdy perspective.
@ellie111227 I always feel the need to tell people about struggling to have my first child to justify having 4 kids so close together. I have PCOS and the dr said if I could successfully get pregnant, stay pregnant and BF then it's possible my hormones could correct themselves. It took 3 kids but after #3 I had "normal 28 day cycles" for the first time in my life.
Boy am I hoping for this! We are moving fast too (on baby #3 with our first arriving in 2014) only because we have to do IVF. I also feel the need to justify it as if we needed another egg retrieval I don't want to wait too long. I have PCOS too and I've always had horrible cycles. I'm hoping the one benefit is that my hormones stabilize a bit when we are done.
@LOTON01 someone I used to work with actually had people ask if the twins were natural or through IVF. So basically asking if you had sex with your partner, or if they had help conceiving twins. Nunya bidness, nosy people.
I used to teach a set of identical triplets. Their mom mentioned to me once that people were constantly asking her if they were multiples because of ivf. They were so obviously identical that she was always confused about why anyone would think that makes any sense, on top of if being incredibly nosy to ask anyway.
@ellie111227 I wouldn't ask if triplets were because of IVF, because that is a rude question IMO, however, I think it's interesting that she found it confusing that everyone would know that you can't have identical multiples with IVF. I really don't know anything about IVF and I didn't know that until reading your post. In fact, at the risk of sounding like a complete moron, I will admit that if someone asked me to tell them the difference between how identical mutiples are conceived, versus fraternal, I couldn't. It's just not something I have ever given any thought.
Me: 36; DH: 38 DD: 7; DS1: 4; DS2 due 6-21-17! **TW** MMC & D&C Aug 2016
@ellie111227 I wouldn't ask if triplets were because of IVF, because that is a rude question IMO, however, I think it's interesting that she found it confusing that everyone would know that you can't have identical multiples with IVF. I really don't know anything about IVF and I didn't know that until reading your post. In fact, at the risk of sounding like a complete moron, I will admit that if someone asked me to tell them the difference between how identical mutiples are conceived, versus fraternal, I couldn't. It's just not something I have ever given any thought.
Wait, I am confused, why can't you have identical twins with IVF? I always thought you could? I have friends who were pregnant with triplets as a result of IVF. A fraternal twin and a set of identical.
Edit: I should add I know it isn't because of IVF that they were identical, but you could still have identical twins. If I am making sense.
So fraternal multiples happen because of two+ distinct eggs being fertilized and implanted. That is what happens with ivf when multiple embryos are transferred. Identical multiples happen when one fertilized egg splits and forms into two embryos (or, very rarely, one of them splits again to form identical triplets). You can't really do anything at all to change the likelihood of having identical multiples, and there isn't even a genetic component to it like there is for fraternal multiples. So in the case of the women who had triplets where two were identical and they did ivf, they would have transferred two embryos, and then one of them split. So the they did have multiples (would have been fraternal twins) because of ivf, but the third baby, identical to one of the others, was just random chance. It's not that you CAN'T have identical multiples through ivf, it's just that your chances aren't any greater than anyone else's.
But you guys are probably right that it isn't common knowledge if you don't have personal experience. This was in an area where ifv was super common though due to a variety of social factors, so I think she assumed everyone understood it pretty in depth.
@JAGinMI@Wino0920 identicals are a random occurrence, or at least they can't definitively say if/what causes it from a science perspective. My understanding is they could occur spontaneously with any method of conception. Maybe a type of transfer would we less likely to have identicals but I'm not sure.
Re: FFFC 2/10
I come one from a very strict conservative catholic Italian family and the evolution has been extraordinary to watch. Two cousins recently came out as gay, my cousin married and had children with a Muslim man from Iraq, pre marriage pregnancies, etc.. and the acceptance that I've seen is amazing. Even the old stubborn people who were raised differently are starting to turn, and the ones that didn't, I tolerate. It s what tolerance and diversity means and I want my kids to understand that. I feel the newer generations are turning the tables and that's what matters, not a bunch of old fashioned mind sets.
I feel kids need their relationships with their grandparents, it's such a special relationship.
Me: 34 DH: 35
Married: July 2009
BFP: November 2012 after 2 years of TTC DS born August 2013
Diagnosed with PCOS April 2016
3 months of trigger shot with timed intercourse BFN x3
First IUI: 9/17/16 BFP: 9/30/16 EDD: 6/11/17
Thanks for the thoughts. And no, I would not be pulling away from or cutting him out just because of his comments that I disagree with. That would be just as intolerant as he is. As always, there's more to the story. But this is what makes it FFFC... a decision I know not everyone would agree with
DD has started saying WTF?! (Not the abbreviation... the actual words) so I taught her to say "what in the world?!" to avoid being judged by her teachers at school
Shes been hanging out with the Mr too much in the mornings... hahaha
My FFFC- I tell people this pregnancy was planned if they ask, but it wasn't. We were planning on starting to try in December, and we had stopped being really serious about avoiding, but we were actually somewhat hoping to have our next baby after the summer ended. We were both thrilled when we found out, and, like I said, we weren't trying hard to NOT get pregnant, but what I tell people is still a lie. After 18 months of infertility after my first daughter was miscarried before i got pregnant with dd, and with my kids close enough together that people will judge that (they'll be 20 months apart), I just don't want to hear the comments people would make if they knew this timing want totally intentional and that we didn't have to go to the lengths we did last time to get pregnant. So I just say it was planned. They shouldn't ask anyway, right?
Me: 34 DH: 35
Married: July 2009
BFP: November 2012 after 2 years of TTC DS born August 2013
Diagnosed with PCOS April 2016
3 months of trigger shot with timed intercourse BFN x3
First IUI: 9/17/16 BFP: 9/30/16 EDD: 6/11/17
FTR I lie too this time around... I'm getting judged by work and what feels like everyone for the timing and having more than 2 kids so I just say it was a total surprise/unplanned when people ask. But I know we were trying and apparently my keto diet did the trick and I ovulated on my own for the first time in months.
Edit: spelling
You guys are making me feel better about my lie :-)
For each egg, whisk together: 2 tablespoons water, 1 teaspoon oil, 2 teaspoons baking powder.
TTC#1 for 19 months with PCOS and MFI IUI#3 + injectables = BFP!!!! Beta#1-134(13dpiui) Beta #2-392(15dpiui)
#1 born December 2011
TTC#2 - Beta #1 -51@10dpo Beta#2 -1353 @16dpo
#2 born May 2013
TTC # 3 June 2014 BFP 12-1-14
#3 born August 2015
#4!!!!!!! due June 2017
Me: 34 DH: 35
Married: July 2009
BFP: November 2012 after 2 years of TTC DS born August 2013
Diagnosed with PCOS April 2016
3 months of trigger shot with timed intercourse BFN x3
First IUI: 9/17/16 BFP: 9/30/16 EDD: 6/11/17
I get asked every single day of twins run in my family. It's super annoying. At some point I might just respond with nope they were a year in a half hard work, about $20,000 and lots of failed stop thinking about it and it will happen.
Me: 36; DH: 38
DD: 7; DS1: 4; DS2 due 6-21-17!
**TW**
MMC & D&C Aug 2016
Edit: I should add I know it isn't because of IVF that they were identical, but you could still have identical twins. If I am making sense.
But you guys are probably right that it isn't common knowledge if you don't have personal experience. This was in an area where ifv was super common though due to a variety of social factors, so I think she assumed everyone understood it pretty in depth.