Our adoption story- for those that wanted more haha

lmudra · February 2017

I'll post this in parts as it's super long.

"The Call"

A baby boy was born last night, he's healthy, he's perfect, you're going to be his parents. You need to get on a plane and fly to AZ as soon as possible. Now call your husband and get him home!

WHAT!?!?

That short call was the culmination of a 5 year journey to becoming parents. 5 years of heartbreak, loss, hope, hopelessness, determination, waiting, and hearing a lot of "no" all ended with a "yes" in a 5 minute phone call.

Terrified yet ecstatic, cautious yet optimistic we quickly made plans to travel and flew to Arizona to meet...our son!

Courtney (Our consultant), I can't imagine how hard it is to make all the "no" calls but I'm sure you enjoy the heck out the calls you make than end with a "Yes! Yes! Yes!"

Thank you for calling me a year ago today with the most beautiful news I've ever heard in my life.

lmudra · February 2017

"Meeting Milo"

We made it to AZ, longest night of our lives, longest flight of our lives. We got to the hospital and met Vanessa our social worker to sign some paperwork and take a breath. Initially J had said she didn't want to meet us but Vanessa let us know she changed her mind, she wanted to meet us. Yes!!! I wanted to meet her and I was bummed when I heard she didn't so to hear she changed her mind warmed my heart so much and of course set my nerves off!

We went to J's hospital room. She was in bed and her son was there to. In the elevator my mind was reeling, what should I do or say when we got in the room? As soon as we entered and I saw this amazing woman in front of me all the anxiety melted away and I went to her bedside and hugged her. She told me a few weeks ago that that hug was the deciding factor she needed to know she was making the right decision. She said she truly "felt the love in that hug more than any other hug she's had in her life". We chatted for a bit and she asked if we wanted to meet the baby. Oh man did we ever! The nurse wheeled him in and I asked J if I could hold him she said of course so I scooped him up and I fell in love in an instant. I begrudgingly let Mike have a turn as well and then we just sat there as a family of three with his birth mom and brother looking on. It was a beautiful moment we'll never forget!

lmudra · February 2017

We need a car seat/ naming the baby/first night as a family of three"

Once we had some time with Milo and J we needed leave for a bit to get our ducks in a row. Some people who are adopting have a full nursery set up, some people stockpile baby gear...we did neither of those. Having a few hours notice that you're going to be parents brings a unique set of issues...we had nothing. Not a diaper, not a onesie, not a pacifier and certainly not a car seat. We left the hospital and went on our way to purchase some baby gear. First though...we needed to eat something. Being in AZ we were very lucky to find an In and Out Burger!!! We GPS'd our way to the nearest one and got down to business, not just the business of eating the burger though...we had to name this baby! We had a short list of names but nothing was working. All of a sudden I thought of Milo. Milo is my grandpa's name. We loved it and quickly decided on Harry for the middle name (Mike's grandpa's name). So there, in the middle of In and Out Burger in Glendale, AZ we named our son.

lmudra · February 2017

We made our way to Babies R Us, monopolized a good 45 minutes of a very kind associates day and felt sufficiently ready to care of a newborn! Once back at the hospital J told the nursery to bring Milo to our room. Not all adoptive parents get a hospital room (nor should we, we're not patients) but we were very lucky that the hospital graciously let us have the one remaining room on the maternity ward so we could room in with Milo. J and her son came down so they could hold Milo one last time. It broke my heart into a million pieces seeing her kiss him goodbye (more on this topic later).

We were suddenly left alone, just the three of us. Two brand new parents and a brand new baby. I'm sure we were all looking at each other like "what in the world do we do now?!?" I sent three close friends a text message with Milo's picture and his stats. I immediately got three very shocked responses and phone calls wondering what in the world I was trying to tell them. I enjoyed shocking them a little too much I think

lmudra · February 2017

We settled right into the swing of things. A NICU nurse was helping on the floor that night and she took us under her wing. She gave us a crash course and we were very very grateful for her tough love approach to teaching us. I "slept" in a chair next to the bassinet. I reacted to every movement and tiny grunt Milo made that night. I suppose my instincts kicked in the way they were supposed to. It was a lovely way to spend our first night as parents, just the three of us. Just as it should be

lmudra · February 2017

Discharged"

A year ago I posted the photo below with a caption that was only partly true. I said it was one of the best moments of my life or something to that effect. It's the moment right after I snapped this pic and stepped out into the bright shining Arizona sun that I want to talk about next.

As I stood in front of the hospital in the patient loading/unloading area an immediate wave of intense sadness washed over me. I was suddenly bawling as I was watching Mike load Milo into the car. I turned to the social worker trying to hold back tears and tell her why I was crying but she already knew. She hugged me and I'm sure said something supportive and comforting.

Just a few hours earlier there was another mother standing in the same spot loading her things into a car. The realization that I was the only one of us that got to bring home a baby struck me very hard. If you really think about it will knock the wind right out of you.

I have a great friend in the adoption community who's posted a gorgeous photo of her daughters birth mom as she's handing her the baby before they're parting ways, they're both crying. When I first saw it, well before we had Milo, I thought it was a beautiful picture of the love that's shared between birth mom and adoptive mom. I now see that picture differently. I now see and have experienced what it's like to be heartbroken for another mother who's not going home with a baby.

It doesn't matter that she "made her choice" or even if she truly feels placing him with us was the best option. The choice doesn't negate the grief.

I wasn't prepared even a little for the guilt and sadness I felt. Even now, a year later, it creeps up on me during our happiest moments as a family.

This is the hardest part of the adoption journey for me- knowing that our greatest is joy is someone else's heartbreak. Nothing that I've gone through as an adoptive parent will ever come close to as hard as handing over your child to strangers and trusting them with literally everything you have. It's not easy to talk about it but I don't need pity either. I'm grateful for the gift of empathy that adoption has given me. I'm glad I let the feelings wash over me, it makes me a better partner in our open adoption with J. It reminds me how lucky we are that she's allowing us to parent him.

lmudra · February 2017

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/ny/pqlhyiabmckk.jpg

This is the photo that goes with the last part of the story

Wino0920 · February 2017

Beautiful story. I enjoyed reading it.

Knottie42089123 · February 2017

I'm cutting about 10 bags of onions in my car right now. Thank you for sharing.

teacher mom-2 · February 2017

That is amazing story and definitely brought to my eyes too. It is such an amazing journey with both its highs and lows of emotions

BellaO21 · February 2017

Beautiful story!

Stankonia2014 · February 2017

Welp, now there's moisture on my face. Thank you for sharing.

edit: apparently I can't spell through tears.

zseirecarg · February 2017

@lmudra Thank you for sharing your story.

If you don't mind sharing, how old is Milo now?

lmudra · February 2017

graceriesz said:

@lmudra Thank you for sharing your story.

If you don't mind sharing, how old is Milo now?

He'll be two in a couple of weeks!

HgPa · February 2017

@lmudra I am so glad you decided to your story! That was wonderful to read.

mombod · February 2017

Thank you for sharing! This is a beautiful story

ladylolly89 · February 2017

@lmudra thank you for sharing! Add me to the list of cryers. What a beautiful story.

n0soup4u · February 2017

Wow. Thank you for sharing your story. I have tears just streaming down my face.

LOTON01 · February 2017

Thank you so much for sharing. I loved reading it

lmudra · February 2017

I'm sure all of your birth stories are just as beautiful and emotional! Thanks for reading! And feel free to ask any questions you might have, adoption education and advocacy is a passion of mine!

mkrel · February 2017

I loved reading this, it brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing.

JessyKV · February 2017

Such a beautiful story! Thank you for sharing!

ellie111227 · February 2017

Thanks for sharing your story. You sound like an amazing mom.

NarrowHouses · February 2017

What a beautiful story, thanks for sharing!

krex-2 · February 2017

@lmudra, thank you SO MUCH for sharing this! I already had a crying fit this past weekend thinking about our expecting mom possibly walking away without her child and I can imagine the emotions will only get stronger. Lovely story!

Heliumgirl717 · February 2017

Thank you for sharing. This was just so amazing to read!

sarah.j.617 · February 2017

This was an amazing story - thank you for sharing!

merrylea · February 2017

Beautiful story. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

swanbrooner · February 2017

So lovely. Your compassion and empathy for J is beautiful!

danij0 · February 2017

Thank you for sharing. What a beautiful story!

Elyse1384 · February 2017

Thanks for sharing! I love adoption stories. My parents spent over 10 years trying for a child (years of failed fertility treatments and prospective adoptions falling through) and finally got the call which gave them 36 hours’ notice of my availability for adoption. My mother said she will never forget that feeling, the call and the wide range of emotions she felt over those days and weeks following the adoption.

lmudra · February 2017

krex said:

@lmudra, thank you SO MUCH for sharing this! I already had a crying fit this past weekend thinking about our expecting mom possibly walking away without her child and I can imagine the emotions will only get stronger. Lovely story!

Nothing even remotely prepared me for the guilt and just pure sorrow I felt for J. It was like I was stealing her baby. Luckily I bonded easily with Milo but a lot of AP's don't right away. I actually got another wave of guilt when I found his birth dad and heads that back story, then I really felt I was parenting someone else's kid. Whew! Thank goodness we all have a good relationship, they're all coming out next week for Milo's bday party!!!

EmeraldNC · February 2017

Thank you so much for sharing! What an amazing story!

lmudra · February 2017

Elyse1384 said:

Thanks for sharing! I love adoption stories. My parents spent over 10 years trying for a child (years of failed fertility treatments and prospective adoptions falling through) and finally got the call which gave them 36 hours’ notice of my availability for adoption. My mother said she will never forget that feeling, the call and the wide range of emotions she felt over those days and weeks following the adoption.

My parents had very little notice when they adopted me as well (24 hours)! So funny that's how it used to be back in the day and know it's more common to have a lengthy pre birth match. We had to do everything backward but I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm actually struggling with pre planning anything for this baby bc it seems so unnecessary and also like it will jinx stuff. My pgal and adoptive mama brain has me all screwed up!

silliegirlie143 · February 2017

Thank you SO much for sharing your story! What an absolutely beautiful birth story

My BIL was adopted and one day we were talking about baby stats so I told my sister to ask her MIL what BILs stats were... she balked a little but decided to ask. Boy! Was she glad she did!! Such a bonding moment for my sister and her MIL to share BILs birth and adoption story!

neludelu · February 2017

I am ugly crying right now at this beautiful story. Thank you so much for sharing. Gosh you are a great person. I wish you the best.

Stankonia2014 · February 2017

lmudra said:

krex said:

@lmudra, thank you SO MUCH for sharing this! I already had a crying fit this past weekend thinking about our expecting mom possibly walking away without her child and I can imagine the emotions will only get stronger. Lovely story!

Nothing even remotely prepared me for the guilt and just pure sorrow I felt for J. It was like I was stealing her baby. Luckily I bonded easily with Milo but a lot of AP's don't right away. I actually got another wave of guilt when I found his birth dad and heads that back story, then I really felt I was parenting someone else's kid. Whew! Thank goodness we all have a good relationship, they're all coming out next week for Milo's bday party!!!

Milo's birth parents are coming out for his bday? If so, that's just amazing, and awesome, and so special. I have so many feels right now.

lmudra · February 2017

Stankonia2014 said:

lmudra said:

krex said:

@lmudra, thank you SO MUCH for sharing this! I already had a crying fit this past weekend thinking about our expecting mom possibly walking away without her child and I can imagine the emotions will only get stronger. Lovely story!

Nothing even remotely prepared me for the guilt and just pure sorrow I felt for J. It was like I was stealing her baby. Luckily I bonded easily with Milo but a lot of AP's don't right away. I actually got another wave of guilt when I found his birth dad and heads that back story, then I really felt I was parenting someone else's kid. Whew! Thank goodness we all have a good relationship, they're all coming out next week for Milo's bday party!!!

Milo's birth parents are coming out for his bday? If so, that's just amazing, and awesome, and so special. I have so many feels right now.

Correct! And his brother on his birth dads side and auntie as well. We do in person visits as well as texts, FaceTime and FB stuff with both sides of his family. I only call them birth family to clarify, otherwise I'd just call them 'family'

n0soup4u · February 2017

@lmudra you have a heart of gold!

lmudra · February 2017

@itsfine oh I'm no hero, open adoption is hard work and definitely has its ups and downs but at the end of the day I do what's best for my son- which is knowing his whole family. I never want him to have questions about who he is and where he came from like I did (my adoption was closed). It's just much healthier for him to have access to his family.

Elyse1384 · February 2017

@lmudra That's great you are working hard to make the open adoption work. Both my brother and I were closed adoptions (different biological parents) and it was hard on my brother. He was a very curious kid and they didn't have much info on him. My bio father reached out via the agency when I was 21. I met him once, but until that point had minimal info.

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