@lmudra That's great you are working hard to make the open adoption work. Both my brother and I were closed adoptions (different biological parents) and it was hard on my brother. He was a very curious kid and they didn't have much info on him. My bio father reached out via the agency when I was 21. I met him once, but until that point had minimal info.
I searched for my birth mom via the agency two years ago. They found her and she told them never to contact her again. That was so hard for me to hear but it makes me a better adoptive parent bc I will not allow my son to feel that pain. Do you have contact with him still? Do you have any siblings? I wish I knew if I had sisters!!
@lmudra That's great you are working hard to make the open adoption work. Both my brother and I were closed adoptions (different biological parents) and it was hard on my brother. He was a very curious kid and they didn't have much info on him. My bio father reached out via the agency when I was 21. I met him once, but until that point had minimal info.
I searched for my birth mom via the agency two years ago. They found her and she told them never to contact her again. That was so hard for me to hear but it makes me a better adoptive parent bc I will not allow my son to feel that pain. Do you have contact with him still? Do you have any siblings? I wish I knew if I had sisters!!
I haven't kept in contact. Honestly I don't think I was ready to have a relationship with him and I was very overwhelmed by the experience. I feel badly about that in hindsight. In that first meeting he introduced me to his wife (who was pregnant) and two kids from a prior marriage (10yo girl and 8yo boy). He seemed kind, but he wanted more than I did. I was a college kid trying to find my place in the world and he wanted to jump into building a relationship that I didn't feel an urge for. I also felt guilty about building any relationship with him; like it would hurt my parents and brother. He wanted to have a huge family BBQ for me to meet all biological family (I met one cousin that day too). He had saved two weeks of a timeshare in Hawaii that he wanted me to join them on. It was just a lot to take in at once and I distanced myself since I felt too bad to tell him to ease up a bit.
He did say my biological mother was in a psych ward. I will never meet her. *TW* She threatened to kill herself if I tried to meet her and she didn't want him meeting me. I think he feels in some way responsible for her and he visits her. He said she was never well mentally after giving me up. *TW*
This is so beautiful! Wow!! Especially that last part. Never saw it that way but my goodness that just leaves a lump in my throats and makes me want to bawl my eyes out!
I haven't kept in contact. Honestly I don't think I was ready to have a relationship with him and I was very overwhelmed by the experience. I feel badly about that in hindsight. In that first meeting he introduced me to his wife (who was pregnant) and two kids from a prior marriage (10yo girl and 8yo boy). He seemed kind, but he wanted more than I did. I was a college kid trying to find my place in the world and he wanted to jump into building a relationship that I didn't feel an urge for. I also felt guilty about building any relationship with him; like it would hurt my parents and brother.
Wow @Elyse1384 I feel like I could have written this exact same thing (except my bio dad never had other kids). Don't feel badly. You have to protect yourself and your family. I'm sure you could reach out again if you ever feel up to it.
@Xath and @Elyse1384 since you're both adoptees I'd love to have you in the fb group I admin. We can always use more adotee prespectives. Message me if you want to join!
Re: Our adoption story- for those that wanted more haha
He did say my biological mother was in a psych ward. I will never meet her. *TW* She threatened to kill herself if I tried to meet her and she didn't want him meeting me. I think he feels in some way responsible for her and he visits her. He said she was never well mentally after giving me up. *TW*
DS1 - 7/2011, DD 12/2012, DS2 - 4/2014, MMC - 12/2015
BFP #1 9/1999. DD Born 6/7/2000
BFP #2 10/2011. EDD 7/11/12. MMC discovered 11/2/11. D&C 11/4/11.
DX PCOS 10/2012.
BFP#3 1/11/13. DS Born 9/17/2013
BFP#4 9/30/17. Grow baby grow!
~Everyone Welcome~