Your parents reactions

rainbowwishes5 · February 2017

how have your parents reacted to your loss(es)? I only have the one parent but my mom says she can't get too upset over these losses because they aren't her children so she doesn't have that connection to them. She just says she feels bad for me. Then called me jealous when I said I have difficulty being around pregnant women. Ugh. Talk about insensitive.

how have your parents reacted?

chaser61 · February 2017

I didn't even tell my parents about this loss (purposely held off on announcing the pregnancy). I learned my lesson from my first loss. I think people just don't know what to say or don't realize what they are saying is insensitive. I hated when people (including my mom) would say "you can try again" or "it happens to other women, I know this that and the other." Well I wanted and loved that baby. when you go through it, you feel like you are the only one and don't want someone to normalize your situation. I am very close with my mom, and I am sure I will tell her one day but not now.

rainbowwishes5 · February 2017

I get it @KristiSigma

GhanimaAtreides · February 2017

Haven't told them. My mom and I are estranged. She went through 7 losses herself and *never fucking had it looked in to* medically, which makes my blood boil. It was just "God's will" to her. I feel like that screwed me out of maybe figuring out mine earlier.

justsuzie · February 2017

My mom was sympathetic at the beginning but didn't understand why I was still sad months later.

amu1234 · February 2017

My parents & inlaws all reacted a little differently. My father in law just asks me how I'm doing, I think he says very little for fear of saying the wrong thing. My mother in law gives me sad looks, asks how I'm doing then reminds me of every reason I should be greatful. Most of the time I appreciate the perspective, but there are certainly times I just want to scream! My dad mainly sticks with making sure I'm ok, but occasionally tries to give me a small dose of perspective. My mom typically cries when I do. But then, because she's a no nonsense give it to you straight retired police officer, wipes the tears away and goes down the list of what I need to do to keep my shit together, move forward, and try again. The words usually come with a balance of compassion and cruel truth, so I'm never quite sure how to react.

splashmountain · February 2017

My mom understands that I'm sad, but never experienced a loss herself, so she thinks I just need to move on and try again immediately, that it will be the only way to stop being sad.

My in-laws have never once said a single word about it to me. Not an "I'm sorry" not an "are you doing ok" not even a hug. I know DH told them and I know they said those things to him on the phone after it happened, but they haven't said a single thing to me. I try to tell myself that they don't know what to say so they say nothing.

Mommyamp · February 2017

DH and I didn't share our most recent loss with anyone. My mom was sympathetic after my first loss though. She suffered a 19 week loss herself though so she can relate.

NYTino24 · February 2017

I cut my mother and two of my four sisters off after not only hearing nothing from them, but also being ignored by my mother when I reached out twice. Blocked their phone numbers and social media accounts. My other two sisters, DH's family, and friends have been great.

SP128 · February 2017

I didn't tell my mother that I was pregnant. She has been harrassng me about having a baby and has constantly reminded me of how old I am getting. I know that if she knew she would blame me for the mc for "waiting and being too old". She would say that i should've listened to her and that I need to try again.

The plan was for her to be the last to know. I was going to hold out until the anatomy scan unless I was obviously showing. Same plan for the next pregnancy.

NYTino24 · February 2017

@SP128 I'm sorry you have to deal with that.

rainbowwishes5 · February 2017

sorry @sp128

rainbowwishes5 · February 2017

Ugh. I had to stop speaking with my mother (again). I really should just cut her out of my life entirely.

SP128 · February 2017

really stinks not to have a supportive and understanding mother. I get really jealous when ppl talk abt being able to talk to their mothers abt everything. The silver lining is that I've learned so much abt what I shouldn't do when I'm a mother. It would kill me to think that my own child can't talk to me abt this.

liz4382 · February 2017

We hadn't announced the pregnancy, so our parents don't know. My mom is a worrier and it would have been her first grandchild, so in some ways I am glad she doesn't have to deal with the grief and worry. But sometimes I wish we had told people. I remember them calling me the day after it happened, and when they asked me how i was doing, I just said fine and tried to sound cheerful. It was so weird and hard and I still don't know if I did the right thing. Thank goodness I at least told my best friend. She was able to support me without having the emotional attachment that my mother would have.

chaser61 · February 2017

@liz4382 It is hard putting on the fake smile and saying you are fine.

I have been struggling with this quite a bit this week. A friend just posted in FB, "In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on." - Robert Frost

Life goes on and you are here dealing with one of the biggest losses of your life. It's hard watching everyone move along around you while you feel left in one moment in time.

Little bit of a random post.

rainbowwishes5 · February 2017

@NYTino24 I finally did it- after being the victim of domestic violence for the last time I called the police and cut my mom out. I won't be abused anymore.

rainafire77 · February 2017

My mother said "You shouldn't have gotten pregnant again. You're too old." That's one of the least hurtful things she has said. And then she wonders why I don't speak to her.

vlagrl29 · February 2017

good gawd @rainafire77 - your mother sounds lovely

rainafire77 · February 2017

@vlagrl29 Oh yes she's just a bundle of sunshine and rainbows.

rainbowwishes5 · February 2017

Delightful @rainafire77

ceebritt · February 2017

Luckily my family was very supportive. My husband's family, besides a text from his mom, I haven't heard from. I've heard they were afraid they would say the wrong thing or they didn't know what to say to me. A couple days after it happened I found out they were also trying to figure out or find reasons why it happened which made me feel like we were being blamed for it.

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