Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Your parents reactions

how have your parents reacted to your loss(es)? I only have the one parent but my mom says she can't get too upset over these losses because they aren't her children so she doesn't have that connection to them. She just says she feels bad for me. Then called me jealous when I said I have difficulty being around pregnant women. Ugh. Talk about insensitive.

how have your parents reacted?
Siggy Warning--------


CP #1- due April 2017 lost 5.5 weeks
cp #2- due May 2017 lost at 4.5 weeks
iUI #1- BFN
IUI #2-BFN
IVF#1- transfer 2- BFP! Due October 2017 c/p#3 lost at 3.5 weeks

Re: Your parents reactions

  • I didn't even tell my parents about this loss (purposely held off on announcing the pregnancy). I learned my lesson from my first loss. I think people just don't know what to say or don't realize what they are saying is insensitive. I hated when people (including my mom) would say "you can try again" or "it happens to other women, I know this that and the other." Well I wanted and loved that baby. when you go through it, you feel like you are the only one and don't want someone to normalize your situation. I am very close with my mom, and I am sure I will tell her one day but not now.
  • I get it @KristiSigma :/
    Siggy Warning--------


    CP #1- due April 2017 lost 5.5 weeks
    cp #2- due May 2017 lost at 4.5 weeks
    iUI #1- BFN
    IUI #2-BFN
    IVF#1- transfer 2- BFP! Due October 2017 c/p#3 lost at 3.5 weeks
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  • edited February 2017
    Haven't told them. My mom and I are estranged. She went through 7 losses herself and *never fucking had it looked in to* medically, which makes my blood boil. It was just "God's will" to her. I feel like that screwed me out of maybe figuring out mine earlier. 


  • My mom was sympathetic at the beginning but didn't understand why I was still sad months later. 
  • My parents & inlaws all reacted a little differently. My father in law just asks me how I'm doing, I think he says very little for fear of saying the wrong thing. My mother in law gives me sad looks, asks how I'm doing then reminds me of every reason I should be greatful. Most of the time I appreciate the perspective, but there are certainly times I just want to scream! My dad mainly sticks with making sure I'm ok, but occasionally tries to give me a small dose of perspective. My mom typically cries when I do. But then, because she's a no nonsense give it to you straight retired police officer, wipes the tears away and goes down the list of what I need to do to keep my shit together, move forward, and try again. The words usually come with a balance of compassion and cruel truth, so I'm never quite sure how to react. 
    Me 36 DH 38
    Married 1/22/10
    BFP #1 3/11 m/c 7w 3d blighted ovum
    BFP #2 5/11 DD born 1/12
    BFP #3 3/16 Chemical Pregnancy
    BFP #4 12/16 m/c 7w blighted ovum
  • My mom understands that I'm sad, but never experienced a loss herself, so she thinks I just need to move on and try again immediately, that it will be the only way to stop being sad.

    My in-laws have never once said a single word about it to me. Not an "I'm sorry" not an "are you doing ok" not even a hug. I know DH told them and I know they said those things to him on the phone after it happened, but they haven't said a single thing to me. I try to tell myself that they don't know what to say so they say nothing.
  • DH and I didn't share our most recent loss with anyone. My mom was sympathetic after my first loss though. She suffered a 19 week loss herself though so she can relate. 
  • I cut my mother and two of my four sisters off after not only hearing nothing from them, but also being ignored by my mother when I reached out twice. Blocked their phone numbers and social media accounts. My other two sisters, DH's family, and friends have been great.
    It's funny how it's the little things in life that mean the most...not where you live, or what you drive, or the price tag on your clothes... There's no dollar sign on a piece of mind, this I've come to know! *ZBB*

    Me: 36 DH 35 
    TTC  9/2016     BFP 12/9/16    EDD 8/21/17    NMC 1/8/16 at 7w6d
    TTC  2/2017  BFP 3/6/17   EDD 11/17/17   DS born 11/25/17 via ECS
    TTC 12/2018   BFP 6/2/19   EDD 2/12/20  NMC / BO at 7 weeks, low progesterone
    TTC 7/2019   BFP 8/21/19 EDD 4/22/20 CP at 5 weeks
    TTC 8/19    IUI #1 w/ Clomid + Ovidrel + progesterone  BFN, IUI 2 and 3 w/ Letrozole + Ovidrel + progesterone,
    IUI 4 Follistim + Ovidrel + progesterone BFP 1/9/20 EDD 9/18/20

    AMA, ITP in pregnancy, vWD type II - low Factor VIII, unexplained RPL and secondary infertility
  • I didn't tell my mother that I was pregnant. She has been harrassng me about having a baby and has constantly reminded me of how old I am getting. I know that if she knew she would blame me for the mc for "waiting and being too old". She would say that i should've listened to her and that I need to try again. 

    The plan was for her to be the last to know. I was going to hold out until the anatomy scan unless I was obviously showing. Same plan for the next pregnancy. 
    ***TW***
    Me: 36  DH:35
    Married: 7/10/2016
    TTC#1 - May 2016
    BFP 9/6/2016 - Missed MC 10/20/2016  
    BFP 5/5/2017  - CP
    IVF #1 - June 2017  - Transferred 1 fresh 4 AA embryo.  7/9 Beta #1 - 161 
    <3 Adam <3 Born on 3/18/18




     
  • @SP128 I'm sorry you have to deal with that. 
    It's funny how it's the little things in life that mean the most...not where you live, or what you drive, or the price tag on your clothes... There's no dollar sign on a piece of mind, this I've come to know! *ZBB*

    Me: 36 DH 35 
    TTC  9/2016     BFP 12/9/16    EDD 8/21/17    NMC 1/8/16 at 7w6d
    TTC  2/2017  BFP 3/6/17   EDD 11/17/17   DS born 11/25/17 via ECS
    TTC 12/2018   BFP 6/2/19   EDD 2/12/20  NMC / BO at 7 weeks, low progesterone
    TTC 7/2019   BFP 8/21/19 EDD 4/22/20 CP at 5 weeks
    TTC 8/19    IUI #1 w/ Clomid + Ovidrel + progesterone  BFN, IUI 2 and 3 w/ Letrozole + Ovidrel + progesterone,
    IUI 4 Follistim + Ovidrel + progesterone BFP 1/9/20 EDD 9/18/20

    AMA, ITP in pregnancy, vWD type II - low Factor VIII, unexplained RPL and secondary infertility
  • sorry @sp128 :( 
    Siggy Warning--------


    CP #1- due April 2017 lost 5.5 weeks
    cp #2- due May 2017 lost at 4.5 weeks
    iUI #1- BFN
    IUI #2-BFN
    IVF#1- transfer 2- BFP! Due October 2017 c/p#3 lost at 3.5 weeks
  • Ugh. I had to stop speaking with my mother (again). I really should just cut her out of my life entirely.
    Siggy Warning--------


    CP #1- due April 2017 lost 5.5 weeks
    cp #2- due May 2017 lost at 4.5 weeks
    iUI #1- BFN
    IUI #2-BFN
    IVF#1- transfer 2- BFP! Due October 2017 c/p#3 lost at 3.5 weeks
  • really stinks not to have a supportive and understanding mother. I get really jealous when ppl talk abt being able to talk to their mothers abt everything. The silver lining is that I've learned so much abt what I shouldn't do when I'm a mother. It would kill me to think that my own child can't talk to me abt this. 
    ***TW***
    Me: 36  DH:35
    Married: 7/10/2016
    TTC#1 - May 2016
    BFP 9/6/2016 - Missed MC 10/20/2016  
    BFP 5/5/2017  - CP
    IVF #1 - June 2017  - Transferred 1 fresh 4 AA embryo.  7/9 Beta #1 - 161 
    <3 Adam <3 Born on 3/18/18




     
  • We hadn't announced the pregnancy, so our parents don't know.  My mom is a worrier and it would have been her first grandchild, so in some ways I am glad she doesn't have to deal with the grief and worry.  But sometimes I wish we had told people. I remember them calling me the day after it happened, and when they asked me how i was doing, I just said fine and tried to sound cheerful.  It was so weird and hard and I still don't know if I did the right thing.  Thank goodness I at least told my best friend. She was able to support me without having the emotional attachment that my mother would have. 
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • @liz4382 It is hard putting on the fake smile and saying you are fine.

    I have been struggling with this quite a bit this week. A friend just posted in FB, "In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on." - Robert Frost

    Life goes on and you are here dealing with one of the biggest losses of your life. It's hard watching everyone move along around you while you feel left in one moment in time.

    Little bit of a random post.
  • @NYTino24 I finally did it- after being the victim of domestic violence for the last time I called the police and cut my mom out. I won't be abused anymore.
    Siggy Warning--------


    CP #1- due April 2017 lost 5.5 weeks
    cp #2- due May 2017 lost at 4.5 weeks
    iUI #1- BFN
    IUI #2-BFN
    IVF#1- transfer 2- BFP! Due October 2017 c/p#3 lost at 3.5 weeks
  • My mother said "You shouldn't have gotten pregnant again. You're too old." That's one of the least hurtful things she has said. And then she wonders why I don't speak to her.

    ****TW Signature****
    BabyFruit Ticker
    DD born 04/28/2002
    Married DH 03/25/2017
    1st MMC 08/13/2016 2nd MMC 02/14/2017
    BFP 06/16/17 Rainbow DS Born 02/05/2018


  • good gawd @rainafire77 - your mother sounds lovely
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • @vlagrl29 Oh yes she's just a bundle of sunshine and rainbows.

    ****TW Signature****
    BabyFruit Ticker
    DD born 04/28/2002
    Married DH 03/25/2017
    1st MMC 08/13/2016 2nd MMC 02/14/2017
    BFP 06/16/17 Rainbow DS Born 02/05/2018


  • Delightful @rainafire77 :/
    Siggy Warning--------


    CP #1- due April 2017 lost 5.5 weeks
    cp #2- due May 2017 lost at 4.5 weeks
    iUI #1- BFN
    IUI #2-BFN
    IVF#1- transfer 2- BFP! Due October 2017 c/p#3 lost at 3.5 weeks
  • Luckily my family was very supportive. My husband's family, besides a text from his mom, I haven't heard from. I've heard they were afraid they would say the wrong thing or they didn't know what to say to me. A couple days after it happened I found out they were also trying to figure out or find reasons why it happened which made me feel like we were being blamed for it. 
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