This thread has so much great advice. Thanks for sharing your experiences, ladies!
@Twinkiedoll (FTM so I cannot comment personally) but my sister loved getting gift cards to restaurants that did curbside to go or delivery when my nephew was born. They got a bunch of cooked casseroles to reheat, which were great, but the restaurant meals were a nice change.
My question flows with the conversation above. Both my family and my in-laws live in the northeast and have to fly to visit us. For others that have been in similar situations, how did you plan their visits? Specifically, we have no clue when the baby will arrive so that complicates travel plans. Also, only my MIL is retired so we have vacation days to take into account. Thoughts?
For STMs+, did you have family stay with you right after the birth? How did it go? Do you plan to do things differently this time? My parents live around 5 hours away, and have offered to come help us out after the birth (most likely staying with us, but we could probably convince them to stay with my aunt an hour away). Part of me wants some time just with DH and the baby to figure out what we're doing and adjust to being a family of 3. Part of me thinks I'm being stupid and naive, and I should accept any help that's offered. If it makes a difference, DH and I will both have parental leave, so I won't be on my own either way.
Not really answering your question but ... haha! I originally thought that I would like my SMIL to come stay with me for a bit (if she offered and/or was willing), that is until I got pregnant. I expected her to be the most understanding and least judgmental. I can't say she's been the opposite but she's really getting on my nerves shoving literature in my face 24/7. My Mom on the other hand was all, "Well I'll be working by then." Don't worry Mom, you weren't that much help to my sister so I don't really expect you to be with me either. Surprisingly the one I think I might be able to rely on the most is my MIL.
I want time alone with DH for us to just figure crap out together before anyone offers (and they won't, but wishful thinking haha!) to come stay and help for a bit. I think it depends on what kind of help. I probably would not want someone to stay (although I realize that's hard since your family lives so far away) but I would not turn down any help to watch baby for a bit, help clean, help cook etc.
I've been quite surprised by DH lately. It seems as if us getting pregnant has smartened him up a bit haha! He's way more helpful around the house (and in turn I need to stop looking over his shoulder. It's something I really need to work on and I know that. I'm trying. I'm just so use to doing everything myself lol) and is always concerned about me. If I put my head down on the counter for 2 seconds he's all, "Are you okay?" In a really calm and collected way, not like 'OMG' but just subtle concern. It's cute. I really did worry about when baby comes but he's stepped up so much already that I'm feeling less scared (?!) about the transition.
I feel super dumb for asking this but our delivery rooms have tubs which I suspect I will be taking full advantage of. Do you go in naked or with some sort of clothing on? (I'm assuming I'm not expected to bring swimwear haha!) Is it more of an "up to you" kind of thing? lol
Haha I asked my OBGYN that and she told me that if I wanted to find out I just need to check out the hospital she was associated with. She did seem annoyed because she added in that we don't do water births if that's what your thinking @stokesm21
@oheliza44 When my brother and SIL had their first baby, they lived in Connecticut, and their entire family was in Illinois. Her mom drove out a few days after my nephew was born, and my parents flew out a few days after she left. There was no way to know when the baby was coming, but I think the grandparents generally planned on taking a week off work and were flexible with flights/driving.
@stokesm21 I was pretty much naked for most of my labor and definitely naked in the tub. I had a sports bra on for a while but it ended up getting soaked. I couldn't get it off with all of the wires that were attached to me so DH was using my hairdryer to dry it off for me in the hospital room! This time I won't bother with the bra, lol.
@OperaSingerMommy That sounds like my sis with her first! She said she didn't last long in the gown, that when she was pushing she was so hot she was just like, "GET IT OFF!" And that was that. lol But I know she didn't use the tubs either so I was just curious.
This is all great to know! My husband is the cook of the family, and he is actually really good with housework (he'd make a great SAHD if we could afford it), so he'll probably be very helpful in those early weeks. Plus, the dog will need some extra TLC I'm sure. She's kind of a mama's girl.
With our first, our mothers came for 10 days when the baby was 5 days old. They were amazingly helpful (even though I'm lucky to have a husband who cooks, cleans, and waits on me hand and foot - it was nice for him to have the support, too, also so he could bond with baby.)
Then my brother and SIL came for a week when the baby was a month old. They were also really helpful, though I did have to be more modest about breastfeeding, and so I was glad they came later.
The internet had me paranoid about visitors, but I ended up so glad they all came. This time, we will definitely have our mothers come early to help. But we are going to ask them to stagger - DS's daycare closes for two weeks in early August, so it will be good to get help with him.
I have a dumb question. STM here and I still don't know. Is the firmness in my belly (I'm talking between my belly button and my boobs-- picture attached for reference)actually my uterus? Or is it my uterus pushing on other internal organs? I did not feel this so soon in my last pregnancy so simply assumed that firmness was my uterus, but it seems way too early for that at this point (17 weeks).
@mamadcb I think it's probably everything else. I'm 16w4d. At my appt yest, the dr didn't even do the tape measure because he said it was too early. The heartbeat was still way down low by my vagina, too. I'm just guessing, though, because I feel it too.
For STMs+, did you have family stay with you right after the birth? How did it go? Do you plan to do things differently this time? My parents live around 5 hours away, and have offered to come help us out after the birth (most likely staying with us, but we could probably convince them to stay with my aunt an hour away). Part of me wants some time just with DH and the baby to figure out what we're doing and adjust to being a family of 3. Part of me thinks I'm being stupid and naive, and I should accept any help that's offered. If it makes a difference, DH and I will both have parental leave, so I won't be on my own either way.
My parents live in another country and they came to stay with us for the first month. I got pretty spoiled lol asking them to fetch me stuff from the kitchen while I bf. I do, however, have a special case because I have back issues and the intensity of labor caused some inflammation and I could barely move for the first week. After they left I was pretty excited to figure out parenthood for myself. Since your family isn't 5,000 miles away, they could come for the beginning and take it from there. I think it's good to have a back up plan with help because it's hard to know what will happen.
The more I think about it, the more I'm scared of tearing (assuming I give birth vaginally, as planned). Has anyone (ST+M) ever used any of those home-remedies for NOT tearing and had them actually work?? I see a lot of suggestions here and elsewhere - massage, oils, etc. - but has anyone ever done either of these consistently and prevented a tear, or ended up with a less severe tear?
I had a tiny episiotomy. 1/4 inch. It stung and I was afraid to poop for a week. I never tried to prevent it. I didn't know it was a thing. I tried to do kegels but who knows if I did it right.
@mamadcb I agree that it's likely all the other stuff getting pushed up. Your uterus is not even supposed to reach the level of your navel until around 20ish weeks
TTC history in spoiler
Me: 31 Him: 37 Married: Oct 2015 Baby G born June 2017 TTC#2: July 2018 BFP #2: 2/6/19 MC 3/14/19 BFP#3 from IUI #2: 6/30/20 EDD 3/9/21
Ok...this is probably a dumb question, but is cramping and lower back pain a normal part of this?
Married: 10/13/2013
TTC #1: Mirena removed 5/26/2015; DH - normal SA, me - diagnosed with PCOS 8/4/2016 - on Metformin; BFP - 10/29/2016!!!, EDD - 7/8/2017; DD born 6/29/2017
@mamadcb at my anatomy scan (17+6) I was told my uterus was still half and inch below my belly button. I would guess it's just other organs being squished.
@lfk2013 oh honey I feel for you, back pain was my worst symptom and I had horrible M/S with my first and this one. I don't know if it's completely random or because of my size or what but from the 2-3 trimester it's ugly. Invest in a back wedge when you sit in the car or in a chair/couch, it really does help. I also used icy-hot patches on my back when I slept since it would get so bad I couldn't get comfortable enough to sleep.
My doctor told me it was weight distribution and if your body wasn't used to it (and given I had it both pregnancies - I am skeptical) it can cause back pain, with increasing intensity. Granted my second was easier but I don't know if that was my second or because I was a SAHM when I was pregnant then and wasn't sitting for the lengthy periods of time like I did with my first.
I anticipate having an interview for grad school while 23-28 weeks pregnant. What attire is required? If not pregnant, I would wear a pants suit. However, I don't really want to spend the money on a maternity one that will get such little use and have seen nothing of the sort at used maternity boutiques so far. I may be able to wear regular clothes still, but don't want to count on that and then not fit into them last minute. If it makes a difference, this is for a Master's in Social Work.
@WeddingNotes13 you could get maternity pants or palazzo pants (formal ones) with looser tops. They have these really nice layered flowy tops these days with even the sleeves being layered they look pretty and formal and are lose. H&M has some nice maternity pants that look stylish and formal but still have a stretchy band .
@WeddingNotes13 Seasonally appropriate sundress with a cardigan and heels? You could get a lot of use out of a nice maternity sundress- dress it up with a jacket and nice jewelry, dress it down with sandals when the weather is warmer. I think that'd be worth the investment!
I'm a little embarassed to ask this, but seriously, STMs...do baby movements hurt at this stage? Every so often I'm like ow, ow, ow. It feels like little jabs, crossed with nerve pain (like hitting your funny bone). Its the nerve-like pain that's painful for me, not necessarily the jabs. Does anyone else have this? Does it stop? Get worse?
I anticipate having an interview for grad school while 23-28 weeks pregnant. What attire is required? If not pregnant, I would wear a pants suit. However, I don't really want to spend the money on a maternity one that will get such little use and have seen nothing of the sort at used maternity boutiques so far. I may be able to wear regular clothes still, but don't want to count on that and then not fit into them last minute. If it makes a difference, this is for a Master's in Social Work.
Could you buy a maternity pencil skirt and pair it with a blazer from a pants suit you own?
I anticipate having an interview for grad school while 23-28 weeks pregnant. What attire is required? If not pregnant, I would wear a pants suit. However, I don't really want to spend the money on a maternity one that will get such little use and have seen nothing of the sort at used maternity boutiques so far. I may be able to wear regular clothes still, but don't want to count on that and then not fit into them last minute. If it makes a difference, this is for a Master's in Social Work.
Could you buy a maternity pencil skirt and pair it with a blazer from a pants suit you own?
I think I saw some stretchy-ish maternity pencil skirts on Pink Blush that looked really comfortable. They'd still look professional if you added a blazer you already own, or a nice blouse. Also pairing maternity slacks with a nice top and/or blazer would look nice (I think a PP suggested this also)
Dumb question here: when should DH and I register for/attend any classes we want to go to (breastfeeding, childbirth, etc.)? I just don't want to wait until it's too late!
Dumb question here: when should DH and I register for/attend any classes we want to go to (breastfeeding, childbirth, etc.)? I just don't want to wait until it's too late!
Last time we did a 6-week class in March-April when baby was due in May. That seemed like good timing to me. You can probably register now, because some classes aren't offered that often and you want to be sure it works with your schedule
@kat0607 I'm looking into stuff now because I would rather do it now when I'm still comfortable than wait until I'm huge. Also, I don't want to baby to come early and to not have been able to take them.
Hubby and Me Friends since 2008 Started dating: July 1st, 2013 Engaged: July 1st, 2014 Married: July 1st, 2016 R born: July 8th, 2017 N born: June 30th, 2019 Baby #3 Due: July 7th, 2022 (maybe I only ovulate in October XD)
@kat0607 I just asked my doctor this today and she said 28-34 weeks is a good time frame to take classes, but to try to be done by 34 weeks in case baby comes early.
@kat0607 I just registered for mine and they are spread out between march and may. March is the infant CPR class, april is an intensive course for birthing (we already missed the cutoff for the 6 week course where you meet for shorter periods. I was shocked by that...but I prefer two full days instead of 6 shorter ones to be honest). May is the breastfeeding class. I also found a local leche league meeting in my town so I will go to that one probably in April. All that sharing was a longwinded way to say look into it and get them on the books now. I had no idea they would fill up so fast!! There was only one spot open in the BF class I found. I am in manhattan though so take it with a grain of salt depending on where you live. It's busy here!
@WeddingNotes13 I got work pants for under $30 from jcpenney. I think you could pair them with a decent top and look fine. Or wear a jacket you already have and just don't button it. I've seen many people do that if the jacket still fits through the arms/back
@mj8215 It's a breastfeeding support group. I have already started going, and it's been really great for me. I don't have a lot of IRL mom friends, so it's been awesome to meet other moms. Plus two women there actually had their babies, and I wasn't staring or anything, but it was nice to actually see breastfeeding happen since I never have. There was lots of discussion about bf, and some child rearing in general. I got recs on the local hospitals and even on cloth diapers. It was was seriously great for me and I would recommend it to anyone who can go.
Hubby and Me Friends since 2008 Started dating: July 1st, 2013 Engaged: July 1st, 2014 Married: July 1st, 2016 R born: July 8th, 2017 N born: June 30th, 2019 Baby #3 Due: July 7th, 2022 (maybe I only ovulate in October XD)
@mj8215 La leche league is an awesome network of breastfeeding moms to answer all questions breastfeeding related and provide support through difficult times. They have a website and Facebook page that are helpful for most things -moderated by certified lactation consultants,nurses, etc. Postpartum, if you do not have a lactation consultant and are struggling in any way, you can call their local representatives and they will support you over the phone and put you in touch with a nearby LC if needed. They are pro-breastfeeding so their advice may not line up with that of a pediatrician who does not have a background in breastfeeding. The local groups are great for in person support of nursing and related experiences and challenges. Sometimes just being around other nursing moms can be the emotional support you need especially if no one is supporting you at home or you did not grow up seeing lots of women nursing. It sounds so silly but they carry around the collective wisdom of generations of nursing moms and sometimes what is a nursing challenge that would have made you give up could be fixed with a simple "Hey, big boobed mamas nurse well with the football hold - have you tried it?" They can also help with early identification of problems like mastitis "Go to the ER - you need to be placed on antibiotics."
If you end end up going, you will have to tell me what you think. They are kind of a hippie group where I am. And I don't know you IRL - but I can't imagine you would be down for that lol! Of course, it may be different in Manhattan - full of hipsters and celebrities lol!
@mj8215 I do not mind sharing at all. I signed up through the hospital at nyu but I am pretty sure anyone can sign up! They have a lot of great offerings!! Google tisch labor and delivery. @caribbeanmama Thanks - i just learned even more about LLL!
@theweevee I don't know for sure because every pregnancy is different... but my guess is you are experiencing round ligament pain or lightning crotch or some other joys of organ shift.
Thanks for the info @kerils and @caribbeanmama - will definitely look into it although you might have a point about me and hippie groups lol. But in this case I have zero experience and would certainly benefit from good advice.
@irishrose54 thanks for sharing! Will look into it and also will let you know if my ob (at Cornell) has any further suggestions (although sounds like you're all set, great job figuring out all this stuff so early!)
@kat0607 I didn't see a midwife my whole pregnany. But one managed to show up in my 31 hour labor right at the end. Right when they said oh you're going to need a c-section. She magically walked in and said "heck no, she can push this baby out" and use oil and massaged it in. I had a 9lb baby at 38 weeks and his head was in the 99%. I always say I swore by the midwife and her oil, because I had ZERO tearing. All I had was a rug-burn like thing in the inside of my labia.
@WeddingNotes13 I have my MSW. When I did interviews my look was closer to business casual (dress pants or a skirt/dress, blouse, cardigan, heels, and jewelry), and I was dressed nicer than most of my cohort. In my 15+ years in the field I have never needed a true suit for any of the places that I've worked and rarely interact with anyone who wears suits on the regular, even our legal council only wears suits if they are going to court. Unless your school has specifically recommended a suit (I've worked mostly in MN, could be different where you live), I would say that any of the recommendations above are going to be fine. Good luck!
@kat0607 everyone will be totally different but to give you a bit of hope I didn't tear at all with my First
@GlitterFish once your supply is established there is nothing wrong with handing off some night feedings. If you have an oversupply you might wake up engorged and in some pain but if you have a typical supply you should be fine.
re:mobility after delivery, this will definitely depend on each individual. I had a pretty long labour, pushed for 2 hours, had an epidural and was moving around within a few hours and other than some ab pain from pushing felt pretty good. My SIL had a very similar birth story to mine but had a tough recovery and basically couldn't get out of bed for a week.
Help after delivery: having someone come by for a few hours for company or to give you a hand is awesome. Having someone stay with you will depend on who it is and who you are. If you are ok with them seeing you at your worst with boobs hanging out then go for it. My mom came when DS was 10 days old and I found it perfect. Gave us time to get used to being a family and then right when the housework and cooking got really out of control Grandma arrived to save the day.
Are protein shakes safe to take during pregnancy? I'm still having trouble with some morning sickness when I wake up very early in the morning to get to work. I was looking into plant-based protein powders. Soy-based protein powders (and really all soy products) are not good for levothyroxine absorption for my thyroid.
Anyone use protein shakes as their breakfast? I just need something that I can have in my system to get me through the first few hours of working. I don't need to bulk up or anything lol, just something to act as a meal.
@cielaw89 I do know that Nutiva 30 Protien Blend does not have any soy in it so you could look into it. I have personally used Rice Protien by Nutribiotics but it tastes like chalk so you have to make sure you add it to something creamy or anything to make it less tasteless
I don't usually have protien shakes in the morning but I do take a tablespoon of collagen powder (protien) and I make bulk smoothies (6) freeze them and defrost them overnight so that there is something immediately after I wake up! You could also make yoghurt parfaits for protien intake if you eat dairy, they keep good in the fridge for quite a few days. Just be careful and make sure what you eat is suitable for you!:)
Re: Big Thread for Dumb Questions 1/31
@Twinkiedoll (FTM so I cannot comment personally) but my sister loved getting gift cards to restaurants that did curbside to go or delivery when my nephew was born. They got a bunch of cooked casseroles to reheat, which were great, but the restaurant meals were a nice change.
My question flows with the conversation above. Both my family and my in-laws live in the northeast and have to fly to visit us. For others that have been in similar situations, how did you plan their visits? Specifically, we have no clue when the baby will arrive so that complicates travel plans. Also, only my MIL is retired so we have vacation days to take into account. Thoughts?
I want time alone with DH for us to just figure crap out together before anyone offers (and they won't, but wishful thinking haha!) to come stay and help for a bit. I think it depends on what kind of help. I probably would not want someone to stay (although I realize that's hard since your family lives so far away) but I would not turn down any help to watch baby for a bit, help clean, help cook etc.
Met: 08/2001 ~ Dating: 07/2004 ~ Engaged: 11/2009 ~ Married: 06/2011
TTC: Since 09/16 ~ BFP 10/28/16 ~ EDD 7/5/17
Team Pink * Canadian Bumpie
Met: 08/2001 ~ Dating: 07/2004 ~ Engaged: 11/2009 ~ Married: 06/2011
TTC: Since 09/16 ~ BFP 10/28/16 ~ EDD 7/5/17
Team Pink * Canadian Bumpie
Met: 08/2001 ~ Dating: 07/2004 ~ Engaged: 11/2009 ~ Married: 06/2011
TTC: Since 09/16 ~ BFP 10/28/16 ~ EDD 7/5/17
Team Pink * Canadian Bumpie
Met: 08/2001 ~ Dating: 07/2004 ~ Engaged: 11/2009 ~ Married: 06/2011
TTC: Since 09/16 ~ BFP 10/28/16 ~ EDD 7/5/17
Team Pink * Canadian Bumpie
Then my brother and SIL came for a week when the baby was a month old. They were also really helpful, though I did have to be more modest about breastfeeding, and so I was glad they came later.
The internet had me paranoid about visitors, but I ended up so glad they all came. This time, we will definitely have our mothers come early to help. But we are going to ask them to stagger - DS's daycare closes for two weeks in early August, so it will be good to get help with him.
Edited for shameful typing abilities.
Since your family isn't 5,000 miles away, they could come for the beginning and take it from there. I think it's good to have a back up plan with help because it's hard to know what will happen.
Married: Oct 2015
Baby G born June 2017
TTC#2: July 2018
BFP #2: 2/6/19 MC 3/14/19
BFP#3 from IUI #2: 6/30/20 EDD 3/9/21
My doctor told me it was weight distribution and if your body wasn't used to it (and given I had it both pregnancies - I am skeptical) it can cause back pain, with increasing intensity. Granted my second was easier but I don't know if that was my second or because I was a SAHM when I was pregnant then and wasn't sitting for the lengthy periods of time like I did with my first.
H&M has some nice maternity pants that look stylish and formal but still have a stretchy band .
Friends since 2008
Started dating: July 1st, 2013
Engaged: July 1st, 2014
Married: July 1st, 2016
R born: July 8th, 2017
N born: June 30th, 2019
Baby #3 Due: July 7th, 2022
(maybe I only ovulate in October XD)
Edited because of tiny keyboard.
May is the breastfeeding class. I also found a local leche league meeting in my town so I will go to that one probably in April.
All that sharing was a longwinded way to say look into it and get them on the books now. I had no idea they would fill up so fast!! There was only one spot open in the BF class I found. I am in manhattan though so take it with a grain of salt depending on where you live. It's busy here!
@irishrose54 I'm in Manhattan too ! Do you mind sharing where you registered for birthing and bf classes?
Also dumb question for everyone - what is this leche league I keep seeing mentioned on the boards and should I be registering / attending that?
Friends since 2008
Started dating: July 1st, 2013
Engaged: July 1st, 2014
Married: July 1st, 2016
R born: July 8th, 2017
N born: June 30th, 2019
Baby #3 Due: July 7th, 2022
(maybe I only ovulate in October XD)
If you end end up going, you will have to tell me what you think. They are kind of a hippie group where I am. And I don't know you IRL - but I can't imagine you would be down for that lol! Of course, it may be different in Manhattan - full of hipsters and celebrities lol!
@caribbeanmama Thanks - i just learned even more about LLL!
@irishrose54 thanks for sharing! Will look into it and also will let you know if my ob (at Cornell) has any further suggestions (although sounds like you're all set, great job figuring out all this stuff so early!)
@GlitterFish once your supply is established there is nothing wrong with handing off some night feedings. If you have an oversupply you might wake up engorged and in some pain but if you have a typical supply you should be fine.
re:mobility after delivery, this will definitely depend on each individual. I had a pretty long labour, pushed for 2 hours, had an epidural and was moving around within a few hours and other than some ab pain from pushing felt pretty good. My SIL had a very similar birth story to mine but had a tough recovery and basically couldn't get out of bed for a week.
Help after delivery: having someone come by for a few hours for company or to give you a hand is awesome. Having someone stay with you will depend on who it is and who you are. If you are ok with them seeing you at your worst with boobs hanging out then go for it. My mom came when DS was 10 days old and I found it perfect. Gave us time to get used to being a family and then right when the housework and cooking got really out of control Grandma arrived to save the day.
Anyone use protein shakes as their breakfast? I just need something that I can have in my system to get me through the first few hours of working. I don't need to bulk up or anything lol, just something to act as a meal.
I have personally used Rice Protien by Nutribiotics but it tastes like chalk so you have to make sure you add it to something creamy or anything to make it less tasteless
I don't usually have protien shakes in the morning but I do take a tablespoon of collagen powder (protien)
and I make bulk smoothies (6) freeze them and defrost them overnight so that there is something immediately after I wake up! You could also make yoghurt parfaits for protien intake if you eat dairy, they keep good in the fridge for quite a few days. Just be careful and make sure what you eat is suitable for you!:)
edit: spelling