Not pregnancy related but need serious advice UPDATED

sugarpixxie2 · January 2017

I work in a company of less than 30 people. It is a property management company and there are several offices/Properties that we are allassigned to, and some people work up at the corporate office. The owners are a married couple and they have been great to me.

I have worked there about two and a half years. Yesterday a vendor (a carpet cleaner) that works at almost all our properties let me know that one of the other property managers told him about a rumor that I am sleeping with the husband owner the company. Apparently she told him that she heard it from one of our maintenance guys but she wouldn't say who. I was extremely upset when he told me this and I ended up crying and I wanted to confront her. The vendor who told me about it pretty much begged me not to confront her because then she would know that he told me and he would be out of the loop from then on and wouldn't be able to help me out.

I decided to sit on the information for a little while because I know that I'm hormonal and it's never good to act when you're angry. I suppose I should mention that this is a completely untrue rumor and it hit me from Left Field when he told me about it. I hardly ever see the husband owner. The last time I saw him was when I sat and did budgets with him for my property in October.

Today I reached out to another friend in the company and they did a little bit of asking around and it turns out that almost everybody has heard this rumor and it apparently started about 3 months ago.

I'm so upset and I don't know who would start this or why. It obviously could affect my job hugely if the wife heard about it and also it may already be affecting my job if my coworkers think that this is going on.

I have thought about going to the owner's about it but even though it's not true I feel like you can't unring a bell and when the wife hears it it's always going to be in the back of her mind because if I was in her shoes it would stick in my mind. But they are my direct supervisors and there's no HR department so I'm really not sure what else to do. I'm afraid bringing it up will make it super awkward but if I don't them there's really nothing I can do.

What would you do? Am I overreacting by being so upset about this? Should I keep my mouth shut and just keep doing my work and let people say what they want? No one knows I'm pregnant either so I can just imagine what they'll be saying when they find that out.

I haven't told my husband to yet either. And coincidentally we are going tonight to my bosses house for their late Christmas party so everyone will be there drinking and of course I'll be avoiding drinking. I think I should tell him but imjust freaking out about it all.

Thanks for listening Internet strangers and I truly appreciate any advice you can give.

*edited for spelling*

HollyGolightly09 · January 2017

I would go talk to the owners, both of them together, and just say something along the lines of "a rumor has been brought to my attention, and I thought it would be best if it was just all out in the open between the three of us."

I would probably also mention it to DH, just in case it gets around to him.

That really sucks, I'm sorry. I would definitely be upset.

sugarpixxie2 · January 2017

@HollyGolightly09 thanks. The 2 people I talked to about it said it would be bad if I talked to the owner's.... it's so hard to think clearly in a situation, I appreciate your objective opinion!

lap018 · January 2017

sugarpixxie2 said:

@HollyGolightly09 thanks. The 2 people I talked to about it said it would be bad if I talked to the owner's.... it's so hard to think clearly in a situation, I appreciate your objective opinion!

I disagree with this. It would be best to go to the owners and address the issue rather than them hearing it from someone else and then having to address you about it because at that point it will look like you are just covering your butt and there will be trust issues maybe some resentment issues at that point if they have to come to you about it. But if you approach them and address the issue with them head on then you won't have to worry about it anymore.

sugarpixxie2 · January 2017

@lap018 yes that's what I was thinking. I don't want to have the conversation at all but I would rather have it come from me. I know this company has a history of some drama but because of that I go to work and mind my business, so it just blew my mind that people think this.

Texafornian · January 2017

Hands down speak to them together and explain about this is causing you and your husband undue stress....which you CLEARLY do not need right now.
I used to work with all men in the entertainment industry and someone kept writing my name on the wall of a co-ed bathroom stating I loved one of the on-air talent. It was untrue and I was mortified! I had no one to tell because the person it was about wasn't my superviser etc. In hindsight I wish I had marched directly to HR but I was leaving for another job so it seemed moot. But man, it was humiliating and stressful to say the least so I get your concern and how you're feeling.
Be upfront and address it head on rather then them possibly coming to you later. And tell your husband for the same reason if nothing else...but it'd be good to have someone close to you and in your corner.

jillibean0871 · January 2017

I agree with the others.... handle it before it handles you. Being in a small company like that will not entitled you to FMLA protection once you have your baby and the last thing you need is to be out for a week and be told you don't have a job to come back to(this is if you intend to come back after the baby). All that being said you should clear your name as well because you don't want to look like the office hussy!

jessieR358 · January 2017

I don't like confrontation unless it has to do with work situations and then I am all over it. Technically this is considered workplace harassment and I don't know if this constitutes sexual harrassment as well since they are saying you are sleeping with someone? I don't know the specifics on that. I would definitely tell your husband and tell the owners that this is unacceptable in a professional workplace environment. I'm so sorry. If you wait this out you know they'll start saying that the baby is the owners...

jutondreau · January 2017

Be upfront and honest with the owners. They may have already heard about it and decided to not give
it the time of day....also please talk to your husband. He's in your corner and loves you. You need someone backing you.

DPandMB · January 2017

Agree with PP. I would set up a meeting with both of the owners together and let them know. I would be honest about everything. How you heard it and from whom. I would also tell DH right away. If it gets back or comes out, it looks sketchy if you were keeping the information.

I've been the victim of a similar rumor before, but in a much bigger organization. I told DH right away and he just laughed. He was much cooler than I thought he would be.

kelseyrayay · January 2017

I'd say something. And I'm petty so I'd be giving names of the people who I heard it from too. In all honesty the 2 people you talked to are probably the ones who started it.

wyomama0427 · January 2017

Totally agree with everyone else, go talk with them as soon as possible and be open and honest about it. I'm so sorry people started that rumor about you! That's so messed up. I hope it all goes away and whoever started it gets their karma!

Ooh and Jess is right, people are going to freak out if this doesn't get resolved before your pregnancy comes out.... ugh I can't even imagine how bad it would suck to be in the middle of the "baby is the owners" rumor.... ugh makes me feel sick just thinking about it!

Sprite2012 · January 2017

Say something. Do not let it become a life of its own.

Sugargirl1019 · January 2017

Omg this is awful. No advice, just hugs.

sableeg · January 2017

No advice that hasn't already been mentioned, but I'm so sorry you're going through this! What an awful thing to deal with, especially as a hard working woman!

wellhithen · January 2017

Definitely put it out in the open. Who knows maybe he is having an affair with someone different. Let them know of the rumour and be upfront about it all. You've done nothing wrong.

Hopefulmommy1980 · January 2017

I agree with pp about talking to the owners and your husband just so it is all out in the open

mrs_tacos · January 2017

jessieR358 said:

I don't like confrontation unless it has to do with work situations and then I am all over it. Technically this is considered workplace harassment and I don't know if this constitutes sexual harrassment as well since they are saying you are sleeping with someone? I don't know the specifics on that. I would definitely tell your husband and tell the owners that this is unacceptable in a professional workplace environment. I'm so sorry. If you wait this out you know they'll start saying that the baby is the owners...

All of this. And also, I am 100% in favor of telling DH pretty much everything. People can be really petty and ridiculous, the last thing you'd want is for a co-worker to contact DH, or for your workplace to explode in drama around this, and it leave him wondering if there's anything to it.

SarahS2017 · January 2017

I say tell DH first as he's on your side and is nice to have someone fighting with you. I completely disagree with the 2 you spoke to. I think keeping quiet will look bad to both DH and owners. Approaching and clearing the air will also be good for baby, you don't need the unnecessary stress.

Sugargirl1019 · January 2017

Did you end up going to that party? How are you doing?

mercury94 · January 2017

A few years back, my former boss (same job, new boss now) was spreading rumors that I was sleeping with a co-worker during work hours. I had already transferred jobs to get away from her for other reasons before I found out about the rumors. It was already a pretty tough time for me. I was in the process of divorcing my ex and had just started dating again and met DH. I was afraid the rumors would ruin my new relationship with the best person I ever met. I had a conversation with DH to explain the situation and a conversation with my new boss to say that I was concerned this person was trying to hurt me or get me fired.

One of the people she told the rumor to took it to HR. I had chosen not to, because She wasn't my boss any more and it seemed petty to start any drama. Apparently, she was making some inappropriate comments about a homosexual employee as well. I was called in for an investigation. Former boss was ultimately demoted for sexual harassment. It was hard, but it was the only thing to do. I am fortunate, though, because no one at work seemed to believe the rumors. Even HR mostly asked if I knew where the rumor came from.

I hope that things work out for you. I know that it's possible to move on from crap like this, but it's sucks for a while.

sugarpixxie2 · January 2017

@Sugargirl1019 We went to the party. People there were DRUNK , drinking moonshine, bonfire, everything. One of the girls that I know has spread this rumor was there, and very drunk, loud, boisterous. She kept telling me that she was a vault of information and great at keeping secrets. She's lucky I wasn't drinking and had a head on my shoulders and didn't push her down the stairs...ugh.

Anyway, both my bosses won't be in the same room together until at least Thursday afternoon (and I didn't think the party was the right place lol) so I haven't said anything yet but I plan to. I think I have to because I can't sleep at all thinking about it all !

Every person here says to get it out in the open, which I agree makes perfect sense, but I brought it up to someone else at work today and they thought it was a terrible idea. It's so wierd to me that they think it's such a bad idea... it's freaking me out lol.

Maybe they just don't want to deal with the storm that may follow

pregnantaf · January 2017

You are kind of screwed TBH ... damned if you do damned if you don't. I bet neither your husband or bosses wife will be Happy to hear about the rumor.. better from you than anyone else.

jessieR358 · January 2017

Hmm does this person know something you don't? Can you confront the person making the claims privately and tell her to stop the rumors and make it right or you will go to the boss and are prepared to seek legal advice for harassment? I would put this in an email for proof. She may back off if she sees how serious you are. Try to take the emotion out of it and state the facts.

Sugargirl1019 · January 2017

I wonder why everyone IRL doesn't want you to say something. I have the feeling that they could get in trouble or something if you brought it up? It sounds like they have something to lose. Idk.

ChefRamsay · January 2017

I agree with @Sugargirl1019 . I'm betting your coworkers don't want you to bring it up because they are afraid of getting in trouble.

Good luck speaking to your bosses on Thursday. And maybe keep it quite that you plan on talking to them? That way one of your coworkers doesn't try to beat you to it.

HollyGolightly09 · January 2017

Sugargirl1019 said:

I wonder why everyone IRL doesn't want you to say something. I have the feeling that they could get in trouble or something if you brought it up? It sounds like they have something to lose. Idk.

That's what I was wondering, too. It just seems bizarre that they would all say not to say anything.

sugarpixxie2 · January 2017

@jessieR358 yes I have been toying with confronting her.

Yes I have a feeling people are worried about being in trouble. Which slighy worries me... being such a small company even if I'm innocent I worry that they would rather lose me than 5 other people for example (just throwing a number out there). Not that they could outright fire me, but as someone mentioned before I don't have FMLA protecting me. I just feel like I may be causing a huge inconvenience and it would be easiest to solve by just having me gone.

msashley2010-2 · January 2017

@sugarpixxie2 I completely understand your concerns. I do feel like the people at your work are probably only concerned about you talking about it because they may have had a hand in it or they're afraid of getting into trouble. I think it's still better for you to be open and honest with them because with the way rumor mills are at work, it will eventually come to the attention of his wife and then having to explain why you didn't say anything earlier may be a bit awkward.

I'm not sure if this is a possibility, but would there be a way DH may be present with you while you have this discussion with them so that you are not alone and have support?

msashley2010-2 · January 2017

If they would fire you for coming to them with concerns then perhaps that is not the best place to work. I truly don't think they should do that and I also do not believe you should be smeared and lied about among your coworkers.

Texafornian · January 2017

Can they actually fire you with no cause? I know it depends on the state but I'd think if you went to them and told them you're under mental duress and feeling HARASSED, that they'd not fire you...just because there's no HR doesn't mean you can't report to the owners as if they are HR. Plus, I'd think they'd want to know if they too are being spoken about by employees.

Sugargirl1019 · January 2017

You could approach them and say "employees are spreading rumors about you sleeping with *employees*. Or me. Whichever you'd rather say. But I'd definitely throw in the "harassment" card because that is exactly what it is.

msashley2010-2 · January 2017

This post makes me so angry. Why do people have to be so awful? Please keep up posted @sugarpixxie2. I hope everything goes well for you!!

wyomama0427 · January 2017

They can't fire you because someone made up a rumor... that's gotta be like wrongful termination. At least I would think so but I'm not well versed in these matters

MrsJessS · February 2017

Technically if you are in a right to work state they could. They don't have to have a reason. However if you have brought it up to them and they do fire you, you have VERY strong grounds for a sexual harassment lawsuit.

sugarpixxie2 · February 2017

I'm not exactly worried about them outright firing me but since it's a small company not covered by FMLA, they could tell me not to come back in September. Not that I think they would do that but it's just something I worry about with all the scenarios in my head

Carebella · February 2017

I can't help but wonder if I t could be that someone is actually sleeping with the husband and is trying to play it off as someone else. No matter what, I agree with the advice to talk to them both at once.

sugarpixxie2 · February 2017

*micro update* my husband has been out of town this week for business so I decided to wait on everything until I talked to him. I feel so much better that I did. I'm not going to confront the girl spreading the rumor, I guess I don't want them to have time to figure out their "story".... I'm just gonna pull the trigger and tell boss man and boss lady. I'm sure they will be pissed enough that they can handle it from there. I'm hoping to talk to them Monday.

jessieR358 · February 2017

Sounds like a good plan! You got this!!

Hopefulmommy1980 · February 2017

Good luck!

sugarpixxie2 · February 2017

I just went to our corporate office. At first only the wife was there so I decided to go talk to her since it was going to be almost impossible to get them together in the same room. I told her about it and she immediately started laughing and thought the whole thing was ridiculous because she knows her husband and she knows me. She assured me she was going to call the correct people and chew them out and get to the bottom of it.

I went to another part of the office to make my rounds and do some business in there and while I was doing that the husband came in. She told him about it and then they both called me into the office.

I came into there and she already called the girl that was spreading the rumors and she said she got to the bottom of where it's coming from and she said the girl was pretty scared by the sound of the phone call. The girl told her she wishes I would have called and asked her about it instead of coming to them which I find hilarious since she never mentioned anything to me about the rumors she just decided to spread it around, ha!

I don't think it's over for her, the husband was visibly pissed, about as pissed as I was- I'm assuming since it involves him he isn't taking it as lightly as the wife did.

I'm just glad I got it off my chest, I feel so much better. The wife commented that I seemed quiet at her Christmas party but now looking back that it was she sees it was probably because I felt awkward because of the rumor. I still haven't told then I'm pregnant and wasn't drinking at the party but oh well.

A girl that works in my office that I see everyday with is pretty much best friends with the girl that was spreading the rumor or so it'll be interesting when I get back to my office what she says about it.

Sorry in advance for spelling I'm doing speak to text.

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