Tips and tricks for easier birth?

smallanimal · January 2017

Calling all STMs, and also everyone who heard something that can be useful! Any advice for us FTMs on how to have the best possible experience? What to do, what not to do? What tools can help? Anything to mentally prepare?

Almost all of us are entering third trimester soon, I am sure all FTMs would be grateful for advice or past birth stories!

catem07 · January 2017

And while we're at it, I'd love some advice advice for what to bring to the hospital and what to make sure we have at home for the first ~two weeks (both mom and baby supplies).

SnarkasaurusRex · January 2017

As far as tips and tricks go, I would just say to be as knowledgeable about birth as possible, which I know sounds like a lot. If you're planning on having an epidural, read up on pain management techniques just in case you can't get one or it fails. If you're planning a med-free birth, research the possible drugs/pain relief techniques that are available so you can ask for them if you change your mind. If you're having a planned c-section, read up on natural labor and delivery anyway. If you're planning a vaginal birth, do a little bit of reading on c-sections so that you're more prepared if you wind up in that situation. Be flexible with your birth plan, and communicate with your doctors and nurses (or make sure that your birth partner is ready and willing to take the lead on that communication for you). Things change quickly during labor, and the more knowledgeable you are about what's going on, the better you'll be able to react in a situation that may not be going 100% according to your birth plan. (Obviously I'm not saying that you need to be an expert about all things, but take a look at things outside of your birth plan so that you can be prepared.)

More than that, be gracious with yourself. If you plan for a med-free birth and realize that you can't cut it and want the epidural, go for it, girl! Don't worry about pooping on the table; odds are you will and the nurses will have it cleaned up before you even realize. Don't stress about your modesty - birth is about as far from glamorous as it gets! I have too many friends who went into the delivery room wanting it to be like the movies where they sneeze and the baby comes out...keep your expectations in check.

Here's my birth story (which is basically the story of how everything can go wrong but it still works out okay in the end!):
At 38 weeks, I'm sent for a final growth scan to check and see if baby had flipped (he had been breech at my AS, and I was pretty sure that I had felt him flip). He was head down, but measuring huge (9 pounds, head was measuring at 42+ weeks). I had borderline passed my GD screenings, but this renewed my OB's concerns that I was one of the few people who slip through the 2 hour test, so we schedule another US for 39 weeks to check him again. At my appointment a few days later, my BP is up and there's protein in my urine, so I'm showing signs of pre-e (but not emergency symptoms), and she schedules me for an induction on the next day she can do it. Induction day comes, and I'm bumped two more days because L&D was overloaded. Finally get induced, but my body doesn't respond, so we're getting discharged to see what happens since my BP was stable. Water breaks literally as I stand up to go change back into my regular clothes (again, super glamorous), so we're back to the races. I had wanted a med-free birth and labored without meds for about 12 hours, but I was exhausted after waiting out the induction so I opted for an epidural. In 17 hours I had only progressed to 4 cm dilated, and DS's head wasn't putting pressure on my cervix, so labor had stalled. They bring in the US machine, and DS's head is wedged sideways in my pelvis - basically, when he flipped he was just the slightest bit off center in my pelvis, and because his head was so big it couldn't flex to get down in straight. Since we're racing the clock from my water breaking, I'm prepped for an emergency c-section (literally the last thing I wanted). DS is so wedged into my pelvis that they had to use the forceps to pull him out and I had a bigger than large incision (yay!). BUT within 30 minutes of delivery we're all in recovery and DS is latching like a champ. So, nothing at all like I planned or wanted, but I wound up with a happy baby in the end.

((Sorry, this is a novel.))

SnarkasaurusRex · January 2017

@catem07 Here's what we had in our hospital bags:

My bag:

Your wallet with IDs and insurance cards
Glasses (if you wear them)
Nightgown/Robe (something to get you out of the hospital gown if you want, but still gives the doctors access to your hoo-hah for checks and are easy access for breastfeeding)
Going home outfit (something flow-y - some people snap back and can wear normal clothes after birth, other people still look 5 months pregnant, so give yourself something with some room)
Slippers and/or warm socks
Comfy underwear (granny panties FTW)
CHAPSTICK
Toiletries (also strongly encourage dry shampoo for a quick freshen up before guests come over)
Breastfeeding supplies (nursing bra, breastfeeding pillow, lanolin, breast pads, etc.)
Birth plan
Something to entertain yourself (books, Netflix, etc)
Pump (if you want the LC to teach you how to use it)

DH's Bag:

Snacks
Phones + Chargers
Change of clothes
Camera
Something to entertain DH

Baby's Bag (which was really just a big ziplock in my bag):

Bodysuits (but our hospital provided long sleeve shirts that we used the whole time)
Going home outfit with hat, mittens, socks, etc. (depends on the weather - DS went home in a short sleeve onesie because it was 110 degrees out the day we left)

**Make sure your car seat/base is already installed in the car! We put ours in once I hit 35 weeks just so we wouldn't have to try and figure out how to install it at the last minute.

Things that the hospital will provide and you don't need to pack (and can probably steal extras before you go):

Diapers + wipes
Blankets
Nasal aspirator
Mesh panties
Super giant jumbo pads
Peri bottle
Puppy pads (like, the piddle pads you get for your dogs - again, super glamorous)
Toilitries (I still liked to have my own)
Breastfeeding supplies (but you will probably have to specifically ask for things)

You can always ask on your hospital tour what the hospital will provide and what you can take before you go. They told us on our tour that they would provide everything baby would need aside from a going home outfit (but we took some of those long sleeve shirts anyway, haha).

As far as what you probably want to have at home:

Crock pot meals in the freezer
Granny panties
Giant pads
Puppy pads or the waterproof crib liners to sit on (I was so paranoid about bleeding through onto any of our furniture so I had them everywhere)
Sitz bath
Ice packs (I made some padsicles and they were heavenly - put witch hazel on a pad and plop it in the freezer - makes an amazing ice pad for your sore lady bits)
Pain medicine (you may get a prescription before leaving the hospital), witch hazel
Stool softener
Comfy, comfy clothes
Peri bottle (from the hospital)
Breastfeeding supplies

I'll come back and add more if I think of stuff. I had lists upon lists of things on my old computer, so I'll check to see if those got backed up before I got rid of it and update if I need to.

Magheeta · January 2017

Holy smokes, @SnarkasaurusRex, you nailed it. I had to LOL at "something to entertain DH" because it's true!

rachelmiller03 · January 2017

I am a STM, but still following! My last labor took 26 hours, and I was exhausted, so anything to make this labor shorter will help!
To help mentally prepare, I completely agree with @SnarkasaurusRex, make sure you at least read up on the delivery method you don't plan, so you are not blindsided if it happens to you. Also, don't be hard on yourself (or your Dr's or nurses) if things don't go exactly to plan. In my experience, as long as you communicate with your midwife/OB ahead of time, and your nurses when you arrive, they try to do what they can to keep up with your birth plan. Mine even wrote my plan on the notes board in my room, in case another caregiver were to come in. Make sure your partner or support person completely understands your plan, in case they need to communicate for you.
I tend to have high anxiety, so for me writing down lists is a coping mechanism. Most of us (hopefully) still have about 10 weeks or more left, so now is the time to think about what you want, and write it all down. Going on the hospital tour will certainly help, and if you still don't feel comfortable, or still have questions, schedule another tour. After my first hospital tour, a lot of my questions were answered.

dam0ne4 · January 2017

Man those mesh undies were amazing. I took as many pairs home as I could.

I packed a whole package of Reese's eggs in my hospital bag because I had GD. Definitely doing that again lol

@SnarkasaurusRex has pretty much covered a lot of what I did/brought with her list, but I wanted to add a nipple shield to the breastfeeding supplies. I had a hard time getting her to latch and the LC gave me one, but it was a little too big.

Also I sent her to the nursery so I could get some sleep and told them to bring her to me when she seemed hungry. Getting those few blocks of sleep was amazing. I had to be induced and it took a while so I was dead tired. I know not all hospitals will do this though.

Also, ditto on being flexible with your birth plan.

At home, she pretty much lived in the Rock and play, we didn't have one for some reason so my H went out and bought one our second day home and it was a miracle worker. Also I cannot recommend Happiest Baby on the Block enough. It was magic for my daughter.

catem07 · January 2017

@SnarkasaurusRex Thank you so much! That list is so helpful. I'm going to print it out now.

twistsandturnsto2 · January 2017

Just to add to what others have said-

having a plan is great, but know that things will change fast and being able to mentally roll with whatever is happening is key! You may not get the birth you envisioned, and that has to be okay in the moment to help things along.

Know your body is amazing and don't fight what it wants you to do. (Unless the doc is telling you something different of course, lol). Your instincts will kick in and if you are fighting them, it makes things harder.

Ask for all the lactation support
take all the meds they offer post birth- even if you don't think you need them.
don't throw away your mesh panties(rookie mistake! Take them home and wash them for use at home)
have your partner find the free coffee machine
bring snacks and bottles of water for after
bring some good chap stick
bring toiletries, a nice nightgown or (black!) yoga pants and nursing top, and bathrobe from home for showers and while you are in bed post delivery- it will help make you feel like yourself again. I regretted not having a little makeup too.
Phone/iPad/computer chargers!
make sure someone is taking pictures of YOU! I have like 1 photo of me and DS from the first week or so of his life. I was taking all the pictures.

pammasu0909 · January 2017

Another thing to have at home - if you plan to circumcise you may need to have gauze and Vaseline. I also highly recommend having saline drops and baby tylenol already on hand. Those are 2 things you don't want to have to find at a store in the middle of the night with a newborn!

My hospital does not allow you to take home anything fabric - blankets, clothes, etc, but they load us up with diapers, a comb, thermometer, nose sucker, and some other small stuff you forget you may need. I did not bring a pillow (nursing or for me) and it was not an issue. If anything it was better to have less stuff to remember/pack/bring in and out. I recommend bringing slippers or flip flops you feel comfortable throwing away after your visit... I'm totally grossed out by the idea of walking around a hospital and bringing those germs home if I don't have to. I also planned to toss my toothbrush and used travel sized toiletries so I wouldn't have to pack them to go home.

We had a situation leaving after our first - people brought flowers, balloons, and all kinds of gifts to the hospital. DH had to make 3 trips to bring everything out to the car. Huge pain!

HGRich · January 2017

This is all extremely helpful. Forgive my ignorance:

1. Why will I need mesh panties?

2. What's a peri bottle?
3. What's the witch hazel for?

Your tips make me excited I bought a pretty delivery and nursing robe.

pammasu0909 · January 2017

As for the labor - expect the unexpected. Read up, but don't get your heart set on anything. I thought I was going intervention free. It didn't happen. My friend wanted all the drugs, but didn't have time and delivered a 10 lb baby med free. Not having control is incredibly hard, but it becomes the new norm with a baby.

twistsandturnsto2 · January 2017

@HGRich- my hospital provided me with both mesh panties and a peri bottle. The panties are to hold the giant pads in place after delivery and are not as binding or restrictive as regular underwear. I also recommend buying a cheap pack of undies a size up from your norm for once you are home. The peri bottle is to rinse off so you don't have to wipe after using the bathroom.

SnarkasaurusRex · January 2017

HGRich said:

This is all extremely helpful. Forgive my ignorance:

1. Why will I need mesh panties?
2. What's a peri bottle?
3. What's the witch hazel for?

Your tips make me excited I bought a pretty delivery and nursing robe.

1. Why will I need mesh panties? You'll bleed for a while after birth. The mesh panties are super comfortable as your body is shrinking back down and holds those super jumbo giant pads like a boss. They are the farthest thing for glamorous, but oh so comfortable.
2. What's a peri bottle? It's basically a squirt bottle that you can use to hose down your undercarriage after you go to the bathroom. Wiping can be unpleasant for a while after, especially if you tear, and you want to keep stuff clean down there.
3. What's the witch hazel for? It's a natural anti-inflammatory/pain reliever. I primarily used it for hemorrhoids (since I didn't have a vaginal birth), but I know lots of mommas who thought it was a godsend for tears.

Seriously after a day of being in the hospital gown I was ready to feel more like myself, so I'm glad I had the extra robe and gown to wear. It helped me feel more human! I know it's something that a lot of people say you can skip on, but I enjoyed feeling human and clean and normal again.

HGRich · January 2017

@twistsandturnsto2 and @SnarkasaurusRex goodness. Hahah thank you all. Y'all are the best. I have so much to learn.

mrsstuessy · January 2017

1. I hated the mesh panties. I have 2 word for you that will change your life forever.... adult. diapers. Seriously. Best decision I ever made was to bring those bad boys along and where them the first few days at home too.

2. Speaking as a birth doula.... hire a birth doula.

3. Make yourself a birth plan and go ahead and get attached to it. The only way to get what you want in life is to know what you want and work for it. Obviously things don't go as planned always, but we are all adults and already know that. It might be disappointing to not get what you have planned and really worked at, but it will be just as disappointing, and probably more disappointing, to have a hope for what will happen but not not want to work for it (so you aren't disappointed). We don't tell women not to apply to a job they want because they might be disappointed, or take a hard college class because they might be disappointed. So, I don't believe in telling women to not get their hopes up about their birth plan. Disappointment is life, we shouldn't need to be reminded of that. (I understand that not everyone will agree with this. That is totally ok. I just wanted to share something I tell my clients because I believe it has really really been helpful for some of them, life changing even.)

4. Read as many happy, normal birthing stories as you can. I recommend Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. The whole first half of the book are just short birth stories that all end well and really make me excited, personally. Don't let anyone tell you any birth horror stories. Now is not the time for that.

Preparing people for labor is literally my job. I don't want to go on and on though, right now. If anyone has more questions please ask me. Especially anything about medication free labor, since I have more experience with that.

HGRich · January 2017

@mrsstuessy Iooked up prices for local doulas but there's no way I can afford one. Which is disappointing because I'm not sure DH is going to be a strong enough voice for me with others nor strong enough encouragement for me. I mean he'll try, but he's pretty type B. I will definitely be referring to this thread in the next few months. Thanks @smallanimal for starting it.

pammasu0909 · January 2017

@mrsstuessy The only reason I disagreed with your birth plan comment is because of the crazy PPD I went through because I'm a planner and nothing went as I had planned and prepped for. I don't want anyone to have go through what I went through.

bww_0331 · January 2017

FTM question so forgive my ignorance as well

. Would you say there is one part of labor that is more challenging than the other? Laboring through contractions vs actual pushing? I feel as though I am processing and planning more on how to cope/relax through contractions and the pushing part seems more like it's just going to happen/your body will guide you.

Any thoughts on the difference between the two or how things were different for you perhaps mentality wise?

SnarkasaurusRex · January 2017

pammasu0909 said:

@mrsstuessy The only reason I disagreed with your birth plan comment is because of the crazy PPD I went through because I'm a planner and nothing went as I had planned and prepped for. I don't want anyone to have go through what I went through.

Ditto. I was waaayyy too attached to my birth plan, so when things literally went exactly the opposite of what I wanted, it messed me up. I still have birthing guilt and it was a major contributor to my PPD, so that's why I always say to be flexible and prepared for other options.

ETA By all means, have a plan for the birth that you want and fight for it (and make sure your birthing partner/doula/doctors/whoever knows what you want), but don't let your idyllic view of your perfect birth get in the way of your end goal - a healthy baby and momma.

rachelmiller03 · January 2017

@HGRich my hospital has a doula program, that I believe is very discounted. Talk to the hospitals in your area, and see if they have doula programs as well.
@wagnerw the most difficult part of labor for me, personally, was the pushing. I hadn't slept in 36 hours, and finally broke down for an epidural at 8 cm to get some rest. At that point, I had so much adrenaline, I couldn't sleep. So by the time I was fully dilated, pushing was really difficult. With an epidural, it is difficult to figure out HOW to push while numb, how to push successfully, but my nurse talked me through all of it. I pushed for almost 2 hours and was so exhausted by the end.

twistsandturnsto2 · January 2017

@wagnerw I don't know if this answers your question- but i think it helped me that I kept my expectations and ideas about what was going to happen low if that makes sense. I wasn't attached to a birth plan. I just wanted an alive baby and mommy in the end, so I attempted to just roll with it. I knew it was just going to hurt and could be completely hard, but I didn't dwell too much on that beforehand.

lovelongdog06 · January 2017

@mrsstuessy Excellent advice!! I especially agree about the birth plan. I get so weary of women being told not to get attached to a plan and I think you nailed why. Yes there may be disappointment, that's life and I've lived it, but I'm not going to be wish washy about my desires and feelings about my birth. I still want what I want and lowering my expectations isn't the answer.

I second the adult diapers. I didn't hate the mesh panties but I preferred the Depends. I had an unwanted c section, so a dry clean pad across my incision and an abdominal binder (offered in the hospital) went a long way for some degree of comfort, but c sections suck even with the best plans for comfort. Nothing could have prepared me for hurting for weeks with every si gle thing I tried to do. I had a rough recovery. Not everyone's is as difficult as mine.

I'm planning a home birth so my plans are different from most. My first birth story in a nutshell was that I had a home birth planned last time, labored successfully to pushing, but ended up transferring to a hospital and having a c section because my baby was malpositioned and not coming out like he should (turned out to be Frank breech).

I am once again planning a home birth with my same midwife. I have a plan to set up my birth pool in my living room (complete with RV hose and necessary faucet adapter) because water is extremely important to me for laboring. It really does reduce pain. I was skeptical before labor, but it's legit. I also have a bag of food and drink for labor. Labor is like running a marathon and I don't think it's practical to run without fuel. I have several bottles of Gatorade set aside (labeled as Labor ade so hubby stays out of them), a couple applesauce pouches, fig bars, honey sticks, plus some cheese sticks and yogurt tubes stocked in our fridge close to my due date.

I love Ina May Gaskins Guide to Childbirth and the single most useful bit of information I got was her "sphincter theory" which can be practically applied to keeping mouth and jaw relaxed during contractions. I also liked blowing out breaths like a horse and keeping all vocalization low and deep. Anxiety is the enemy of the whole physical and chemical process of dilation. If I stayed focused on not tensing up, I could ride the waves of contractions without them crashing down on top of me. Moving around freely and choosing my own position was also essential to me. If you can't find time to read any other book, I'd choose that one. I found valuable information in it even for hospital birth and even for c section. I was reminded in the moment to ensure the surgeon used a double instead of single closure during my c section because of that book, so it's definitely not just for hippy home birthers like me.

I'll actually have a back up hospital bag this time. I entered the hospital with nothing but my half naked self, so I can tell you if you bring nothing, you'll still be ok. Items I wish I had include: my phone and charger, toothbrush/hairbrush, a good nursing pillow (I preferred the My Brest Friend for its rigidity and ability to strap it firmly above my incision and I was offered nothing but regular pillows in the hospital), and some clothes to go home in. We practiced installing our car seat but did not have it in the car because if you get in a wreck with a car seat, even missing a child, most seat manufacturers consider it wrecked and it needs to be replaced. I wasn't willing to risk my brand new never used seat commuting to work in heavy city traffic every day. DH put it in when it was time to leave the hospital and it was no big deal.

I also think it's a good idea to have a plan/list for providers and people to seek out if you need help with lactation or PPD. Even chiropractic care and/or physical therapy can be useful to you or baby. Acquainting yourself with tongue and lip ties and knowing where to get help with them is also good.

I'm sure I could add more, but I should probably submit this before the toddler climbing on me deletes it!

shaunessa · January 2017

@SnarkasaurusRex

I completely agree. I had bought a lovely birth gown to look fabulous in, and when I decided for a c-section, on went the hospital gown.

Here's my quick birth story:

My doc said LO was measuring small so she wanted to induce labor. I said okay and went in. Well after being dosed up with Pitocin and having Cytotec shoved up my vagina every 4 hours to help induce labor, nothing was happening. I was like this for 2 days. She then tried breaking my water. Again nothing. The epidural guy even came in and asked if I wanted one and I was thinking "i'm not even feeling contractions", so I refused. On the 3rd day, I had finally had enough and told the doc I wanted a c-section. Her response was "well, I'm not scheduled tonight...but I guess I can do one". I was so pissed!!! I was like you stupid piece of sh*t, you have no idea, what its been like laying here having drugs shoved up your vag! Not to mention, all the Pitocin that was being pumped into me and my baby.

So the moral of the story is, trust your instincts. When the time comes, you will know what's best for you and your baby. Oh and another side note: After my son was born, my doc said she could do a circumcision. When the hospital pediatrician came by she said she wouldn't recommend it because he didn't have enough skin on the bottom to cut. She said to schedule an appt with a urologist later on. When I told my doc, she said "well you can do that, but I've done them before and the babies are just fine". A month later we went to the urologist and she said we had made the right decision to not have him cut at the hospital. He would have grown up with a crooked one!!!

chelle087 · January 2017

I agree with a lot of what has been previously said. I feel like I always have to be in control, but kind of let go of that for DS's birth. I really think that helped. My doctor even told me that I didn't seem "panicked enough to be in labor." Which I thought was odd, but I just felt like it was too late to worry about things and whatever was going to happen would happen, and I needed to leave things in the hands of the professionals.

I don't know about all hospitals, but I am sure that at most the nurses run the show for the most part. Don't freak out when you hardly see the doctor for any of the labor process. Those OB nurses are great! DS was actually born before the doctor arrived. My husband freaked out a little bit about that one!

Also, I know that it may be too late for those who haven't been exercising throughout pregnancy, but if you have been keep it up if you can. I had heard that this would help with a smooth delivery (and I am sure that it's not true in all cases) and I swear that it helped me last time. On days when I just don't feel like working out I keep telling myself it's to prepare for delivery!

catem07 · January 2017

The March board has a great thread going on epidurals, if anyone is interested in reading about peoples' experience with them.

Beckyf321 · January 2017

I'm a third time mom, but haven't given birth since 2010. Let me see if I can add anything to the conversation that is helpful!

What to bring:
1. Socks with grippy bottoms.
2. I'm going to pack a few snacks. My son was born in the middle of the night and there was nothing open in the hospital.
3. I'm reiterating Chapstick. I didn't have it for my first birth and it was awful. My lips were so dry while pushing.
4. Nursing tanks, breast pads, and comfortable pants. I like to wear actual clothes and just got some awesome yoga maternity pants from Old Navy.
5. At home, MAKE SURE you have infant gas drops on hand. They are a godsend.

@HGRich, yeah, there's a lot of shit about pregnancy, birth, and raising kids that nobody tells you!

@wagnerw, for me the worst part is when I transition from 7 to 10 because I throw up. The nurse(s) may even tell you to let them know if you do throw up because it means you're close.

As for getting through it, here is the greatest advice I received from my sister: find a way to breathe through the contractions and do whatever it takes to avoid holding your breath. When you hold your breathe, you tense up and "fight" what your body is doing.

twistsandturnsto2 · January 2017

I agree with @Beckyf321 the last thing that happened before I began to push was throwing up! All the nurses were thrilled, lol. Thankfully it was mostly water and over quick.

pinkshades05 · January 2017

For me, there was a point in labor when I just felt like my body lost control of itself. This was during transition (no pain meds) but right before I started pushing. I literally felt like I couldn't do anymore and told that to everyone. However, for me, it meant the end was near. When you feel like you're going to lose it doesn't always mean an epidural is the answer--just someone to tell you this is normal, you're doing great and it's going to be over soon.

Doing a birth class with my spouse was the best thing I could do to prepare for baby because he learned so much and was a great support during both labors.

KirstinH88 · January 2017

I'm agreeing that your H needs to come to any birthing/labor classes you take. They are just as informative for him as they are for you. Although DH had two previous kids, they were both born due to scheduled c section. He didn't even know what active labor was or what it looked like. Let alone a vaginal birth. DH has a very low tolerance for "ick" and nearly passed out in the delivery room (and he stayed by my head). The nurses had to bring him a chair to sit in.

Blueberry85 · January 2017

I definitely agree that educating yourself about the process of birth and ways to manage pain is essential. Especially if you're nervous about it all. I also think it's extremely important to pick a doc/midwife with whom you agree and who will support your choices/desires for your birth as much as possible. Med-free is important to me, which is why I prefer using a midwife. Obviously there are OBs out there, too, who will support med-free births, but I've always felt the midwife-route was right for me. Make sure your midwife/OB is someone you trust.

And I agree with @mrsstuessy and @lovelongdog06 that getting attached to your birth plan/desired birth can also work out. I am in no way trying to say or imply that women who don't get the birth they hope for are weak or failures or anything of that nature, but I know that for me personally, going med-free was extremely important, and I really didn't entertain the idea of any sort of medical pain relief. If I had been less adamant with myself that I did not want any meds, there is a good chance I would have gone for some, but I went into the process telling myself that I would do it med-free. So for me, I needed to be absolutely committed to my birth plan in that regard to make it happen. I'm a super stubborn person, so that plays a part, too. Maybe if my labor was longer/harder or if baby was in distress that would have changed, so luck absolutely played a part, but I was very committed to my med-free water birth, and thankfully it happened. Again, I am NOT saying that women who get epidurals or c-sections are weak or less-than in any way, shape, or form, just saying that knowing myself as I do, I needed to get attached to my plan to even have a chance of it happening.

Also, don't freak yourself out by focusing too much on the scary labor stuff everyone and their grandmothers want to share with you. Their labor story will not be yours, even if yours doesn't turn out quite like you hope. Focus on the positive. I'll share my labor story as an example of how sometimes it can go how you want.

Warning, this is gonna be long. Feel free to skip if you're not interested!

I was 8 days overdue with no labor signs. No idea if I was dilated or effaced at all as I had not been checked. I lost a bit of my mucus plug that afternoon and started having contractions around 7pm. I tried to rest, but once it all started, it got pretty intense pretty quickly with the contractions mainly in my back radiating down into my thighs. No lie, back labor is a bitch. I labored on my yoga ball and in and out of the shower until my contractions were 4-5 minutes apart, roughly 8 hours after my contractions started, and then we went to the hospital (40 min car ride). By that point, walking into the hospital, I had to stop during my contractions to hold onto whatever was nearby. We got checked in and settled in the triage room. My hospital required you to be hooked up to the monitors for 30 min to make sure you were actually in labor. After that, the on-call midwife checked me, and I was 5-6cm dilated. Now, after this point, I'm a bit hazy on the timeline until DD was born. Time honestly had no meaning for me. DH says we were in the triage room for a couple hours. I do know I threw up once right before we moved to the delivery room. Once there, they got me a ball to labor on (thank goodness!) and we had to deal with the nurse getting paperwork and consent and the phlebotomist taking blood for a bit before I took the ball and got into the shower. After a bit of time in there (again, no idea how long exactly), I was really thinking I couldn't do the med-free birth as the contractions were so intense and coming one right after the other. I asked to be checked again (8-9ish cm), and then got into the birthing tub. Knowing that I was already to 8-9cm helped me push through and skip the meds. In the tub, DH poured the water over my back and helped apply counter pressure. I was in the tub for a little when I felt like the baby was right.there. Checked again, and I wasn't fully at 10, but the midwife said I could start pushing if I felt I needed to. Pushing is hard, and the ring of fire is no joke, but thankfully I only had to push 35 min before DD was out, for a total of about 14 hours labor. My water never broke, and DD was born en caul. I held DD while still in the tub for a bit while they checked her out and let the cord stop pulsing. DH cut the cord, the nurses helped me out of the tub, and I got on the bed to deliver the placenta and get a couple 2nd-degree tears stitched up while the nurses weighed and measured DD, gave her the shots and eye goop, and DH and my mom held her for a little bit before she came back to me. She latched with a bit of assistance from my midwife and nursed for about 30 min.

Focusing on my breathing, relaxing as much as I could (i.e. don't tense up), and low moans/vocalization are what got me through it. Seriously, I made some noises I did not know I could, but my midwife said that when I kept it low and deep, those were my best pushes. My midwife also gave some perineal support during my pushes, which was actually helpful as a "target" of sorts for my pushing, if that makes sense. Um, what else. Yes, I did poop. In the tub, no less, but you know what? Who cares. They've seen it all and are prepared. They had a little net thing to scoop the poop out. Pooping in labor is good because it means you're engaging the correct muscles. You'll probably have lost all pretense of modesty by that point anyway. Just focus on getting the job done.

MWoodside · January 2017

I agree with everything @mrsstuessy said except I loved the mesh panties and hated the adult diapers.

a doula is a must for me. Complete game changer and worth every penny. If you want one and can't afford it sometimes Doulas in training for free or low cost births. Find one! Even if your partner is a strong voice got you chances are it's their first birth experience and they don't have much of a clue.

belocin · January 2017

You ladies have done a great job covering everything and even reminded me of a few things I had forgotten!

Im a poster child for reading up on other forms of birth. My plan for an epidural did not work out because DD was just too excited to meeting us. I fought what my body was doing and those moments were harder than when I gave in and let it do its thing. Two pushes and my girl made her entrance and while the contractions were no joke, the pain I still clearly remember (even more than the ring of Fire) is from being stitched up. I practically crawled up my bed when I felt the first prick but a little numbing spray did the trick. Don't be afraid to ask for it if you go med free.

I am not sure sure if others had this experience but contractions before my water broke were nothing compared to what they were after. My water broke at home and the contractions were relentless from that point on. It's like the cushion of the fluid was gone and I had never heard they could hurt so bad. This time I am mentally prepared for it.

For the hospital bag, @SnarkasaurusRex list is perfect. One thing I want to stress the importance of is a hair tie, specifically on your partners wrist. All I wanted was my hair pulled back and I had packed them in my hospital bag which didn't make it in with us because there was no time. A nurse helped me out by tucking my hair into a scrub cap but man, I NEEDED that hair tie.

catem07 · January 2017

@belocin I never go anywhere in my life without a hair tie. Literally the only time one isn't on my wrist or in my hair is at a formal event, and if that's the case one is in my wallet.

MWoodside · January 2017

Oh also, don't fight the surges/contractions. It will prolong everything. Keep your jaw, tongue, mouth, hands all relaxed. No clenching, no fists. Otherwise your cervix won't open as fast. When I felt a surge coming I'd take a big slow breath in to ride that wave until it peaked then let the breath out slowly to ride the wave down.

Mantras are good. Mine was 'I can do anything for a minute'.

Transition is a mind fuck. You suddenly think you can't do it. That typically means you are getting near the end of dilation. Know that wall is coming, expect it and have your partner/doula remind you its transition and those feelings are normal and you are totally doing it.

smallanimal · January 2017

@SnarkasaurusRex I am bookmarking your post for d-day!

Loving all the responses, and it's good to hear all the different thoughts.

For people who had epidurals, what kind did you get? Full spinal? Or the one where you press the button when you need a top up?

Also, is the pushing part really the worst? I am very anxious about pushing when I should not, or not pushing when I should, and thus damaging the baby. Any thoughts on this?

And lastly, someone mentioned that we need to bring something for DH to entertain himself. Err really? Isn't it enough "entertainment" that I am bent over backwards in cramps?

visualcircus · January 2017

@smallanimal I didn't know there were different epidural options but I could press a button for a top off. In my birthing class we watched a video on how the procedure is typically done. One surprise was they only allowed certain staff in the room since it is a sterile procedure and I was alone without DH when the needle was put in. (Not a fan.)
For pushing, I got coaching from the nurse on how to do it, but really the body takes over and you'll know when to push.. or really feel an intense urge to push.
DH was fine with a mobile phone for entertainment. For the 19 hour labor... besides a short nap and bathroom breaks I wanted DH holding my hand the entire time. DH did pack a hospital bag with snacks and his e-reader... its just nice to be prepared!

Tips for easier post-partum... since although birth was rough I really thought the first 2-3 days after were pretty tough too.
-Take colace, extra fiber, metamucil!!! The first post partum poop was pretty awful and took 5 days post labor for it to happen. After a vaginal birth, between tearing, constipation from pain meds, and hemorrhoids its better to be proactive than really regretting it.

lovelongdog06 · January 2017

@visualcircus good call on the postpartum poop advice. It goes for c sections too! Nobody told me to take or do anything in preparation for it, so I suffered in the NICU bathroom solo.

WkoutMomtoBe · January 2017

Podcast: The Birth Hour.

Great resource

Very motivating and interesting....lots of different birth stories and things I'd never thought of. My hubby and I really enjoy it

WkoutMomtoBe · January 2017

@HGRich

A doula is technically defined as anyone who helps coach you through birth. Do you have any close fam or friends who could help be your voice (& support for your hubby when he needs a break)? That might be an option...go over & give copy of your birth plan to them, talk, etc

SnarkasaurusRex · January 2017

I say to bring something for DH to entertain himself because it's not all fast and furious all the time. After I got my epidural, I took a nap for about an hour or so, but DH was still wired and wide awake, so he needed something to do, haha. Also, our intake took for-ev-er because they had a slew of births the day before and were still getting rooms cleaned up (and I was there for an induction - in early labor, but not a rush case). Also, once baby is born, DH might wind up with a lot of down time. Breastfeeding took a lot of time (for me) in the early stages, and DH got really bored just hanging out while all of that was going on (as he said, "There's only so much staring in wonder that I can do!").

Tips and tricks for easier birth?

Re: Tips and tricks for easier birth?

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