Why are moms bullying other moms?????

danica01 · January 2017

This is my first pregnancy that has made it to this point. We tried for an entire year and then I went through an entire year of IVF and suffered through multiple miscarriages before I conceived naturally while moving through the adoption process. I was so excited to join this community to truly go through this amazing time with other women. The best knowledge is our experiences that we can share with each other. Some of us have struggled for so long and for others this has come a bit easier but no matter the situation we each have knowledge, support and kindness to pass along to others.

I have been so heartbroken by the way a handful of women speak to others in this group. They curse at them, call them dumb and just make fun of them until they are forced to actually leave the community entirely. It is so sad to think that even as grown women raising children or expecting children this is how we treat each other. What kind of example are we showing our kiddos???? What kind of example are we showing others in this community???? Maybe you are not like this personally and actually use this as a platform to verbally abuse others in order to make yourself feel better as you sit behind your computer. Words hurt and comments can not be taken back. Some of you leave others feeling heartbroken and alone when they have questions or need advice. Just because it is a "stupid" question to you does not mean someone else does not want to ask it. Especially if this is their first time!!!!! I have never experienced this type of online abuse. I have never known a single person in my life who even feels this type of behaviour is acceptable online or in person. The sad part is that one person will say one thing and you have your followers who just jump in and continue the abuse empowering the individual who started it. It is demoralizing and a cowardly way to flex your power as an individual. It is wrong.....plain and simple.

We teach children in school about bullies and how they have the power to reach you in your home with technology. We educate them on how to handle situations where they may be bullied or if they find themselves in a situation where they may become a bully. The key is we teach CHILDREN how to restrain and refrain from this type of behaviour. However, I see now the problem may not be the kids but the examples set in front of them. I see it here plain and simple, grown ups bullying others as though they were 10 year old children.

Let someone ask a question about a test they are about to have because maybe they are scared and haven't experienced this before. Let someone ask if we think they are having a boy or girl from an ultrasound picture because this may be their first child and maybe their last and they are just excited to become a parent!!!!! If what someone posts or says doesn't belong instead of tearing them down and instilling fear in them so they run from the community why can't we just let them know where a more appropriate place would be to post or how maybe they should share a picture the next time???? We are respectful to those who suffer loss in this community as I have witnessed it first hand and I feel we need to be respectful also in times of joy. Just because something is not important to you doesn't mean it is not important to others.
......................................................................................................................................................

Teacher and Disciplinarian

Being a mother means being there to teach your child important rules and roles of life, from being an empathetic human being to learning how to be responsible of one's actions. As your child grows up, they are going to face an onslaught of differing thoughts, opinions and values from their friends, the movies, internet, television and magazines. A mother will help guide their child to figure out their goals and values in life as well as teach them the importance of an education, manners and more. A mother will also discipline their child, a skill that will benefit children throughout their life as well as at school, work and life at home (Ref 3 and 4).

https://www.livestrong.com/article/536701-the-meaning-of-being-a-mother/

Itsnotyourturn · January 2017

Holy wall of text batman!

Mommyofcarson+1 · January 2017

Ok, I see your point, and I agree. I was attacked for no reason at first, and this group does contain at least 5ish snarky women, and usually it is warranted. However, this board seems to be plagued by trolls outside of our board month, and it gets tiring. When you are new to this board, there is a thread that is pinned that says READ THIS FIRST, and it seems that most don't even bother reading the pinned threads before randomly posting. There are rules to this board, and these ladies preferred them followed for the most part. Otherwise we would have anarchy on our hands.

BKinney0506 · January 2017

Well said OP

I have always wondered the reasons behind some of the rude comments I've seen here in so many groups, not just our birth month club, in the past and present. Actually, this is something I wonder about in real life too.

I can relate in the struggle to have a healthy pregnancy; my journey hasn't been the easiest...or the hardest. That being said, I 110% understand your perspective here and appreciate it.

I pledge to always encourage others and uplift them and be supportive on this app.

Thank you for your positivity!

EDIT: Grammar

Itsnotyourturn · January 2017

danica01 said:

This is my first pregnancy that has made it to this point. We tried for an entire year and then I went through an entire year of IVF and suffered through multiple miscarriages before I conceived naturally while moving through the adoption process. I was so excited to join this community to truly go through this amazing time with other women. The best knowledge is our experiences that we can share with each other. Some of us have struggled for so long and for others this has come a bit easier but no matter the situation we each have knowledge, support and kindness to pass along to others.

I have been so heartbroken by the way a handful of women speak to others in this group. They curse at them, call them dumb and just make fun of them until they are forced to actually leave the community entirely. It is so sad to think that even as grown women raising children or expecting children this is how we treat each other. What kind of example are we showing our kiddos???? What kind of example are we showing others in this community???? Maybe you are not like this personally and actually use this as a platform to verbally abuse others in order to make yourself feel better as you sit behind your computer. Words hurt and comments can not be taken back. Some of you leave others feeling heartbroken and alone when they have questions or need advice. Just because it is a "stupid" question to you does not mean someone else does not want to ask it. Especially if this is their first time!!!!! I have never experienced this type of online abuse. I have never known a single person in my life who even feels this type of behaviour is acceptable online or in person. The sad part is that one person will say one thing and you have your followers who just jump in and continue the abuse empowering the individual who started it. It is demoralizing and a cowardly way to flex your power as an individual. It is wrong.....plain and simple.

We teach children in school about bullies and how they have the power to reach you in your home with technology. We educate them on how to handle situations where they may be bullied or if they find themselves in a situation where they may become a bully. The key is we teach CHILDREN how to restrain and refrain from this type of behaviour. However, I see now the problem may not be the kids but the examples set in front of them. I see it here plain and simple, grown ups bullying others as though they were 10 year old children.

Let someone ask a question about a test they are about to have because maybe they are scared and haven't experienced this before. Let someone ask if we think they are having a boy or girl from an ultrasound picture because this may be their first child and maybe their last and they are just excited to become a parent!!!!! If what someone posts or says doesn't belong instead of tearing them down and instilling fear in them so they run from the community why can't we just let them know where a more appropriate place would be to post or how maybe they should share a picture the next time???? We are respectful to those who suffer loss in this community as I have witnessed it first hand and I feel we need to be respectful also in times of joy. Just because something is not important to you doesn't mean it is not important to others.
......................................................................................................................................................
Teacher and Disciplinarian
Being a mother means being there to teach your child important rules and roles of life, from being an empathetic human being to learning how to be responsible of one's actions. As your child grows up, they are going to face an onslaught of differing thoughts, opinions and values from their friends, the movies, internet, television and magazines. A mother will help guide their child to figure out their goals and values in life as well as teach them the importance of an education, manners and more. A mother will also discipline their child, a skill that will benefit children throughout their life as well as at school, work and life at home (Ref 3 and 4).
https://www.livestrong.com/article/536701-the-meaning-of-being-a-mother/

QFP. FTR I'm the same in real life as I am online. Sorry to spoil your theory on that one.

ETA: I won't be taking any advice on parenting from Lance Armstrongs former charitable foundation because, well, hypocrisy.

oheliza44 · January 2017

To add on to what @Cait32 so eloquently said- if each person who found this board posted their ultrasound picture asking the sex of their child as a separate thread, posts about legitimate topics where community members can engage and participate would be completely lost in the mix. I am also a FTM and found this board to be quite helpful for support and also for questions about pregnancy, relationships, breastfeeding and beyond. Hopefully you stick around and can find that here too.

cssme13 · January 2017

oh gosh, I am only nasty to the trolls who are legitimately only here to stir up drama or to those who have never even said so much as hello before asking us to determine what their baby's sex will be based off an ultrasound. OP read a loss thread, then you will see that most women here are genuinely awesome and caring people who have a low tolerance for BS. The world isn't full of unicorns and rainbows as much as we would all like it to be.

yellow1daisy · January 2017

Yeah I'm really confused by your mentioning tests? I've never seen anyone be unnecessarily snarky to someone with a valid question/concern---even if it happens to be posted by a drive-by poster.

It's the one-off posters who just start threads without reading anything else or taking any time at all to understand this board that put themselves in a position to be snarked at. Lately, it's just been ultrasound photos and "tell me the 'gender'"!

All these posters care about is themselves. They don't plan on ever contributing anything to this board. They just want to take and not give. That's not ok. So why not be outraged at that? Why be upset with those telling it how it is?

People need a wake up call sometimes. It's not all about you (general you). And if your doctor can't tell you, a bunch of strangers on the internet certainly can't, so why bother wasting board real estate and burying legitimate posts? Because they're 'excited'? Everyone here is excited but most of us respect the community and understand that this is a place to interact with other people and not a public journal to post our every thought with a new thread.

Dcwtada · January 2017

If you are a contributing member of this board you will find support. Every loss and struggle has impacted me and I truly feel for the ladies of this board, in fact there is a thread for dumb questions and not a single person has been mocked or bullied.

That said, random posters that want to use this forum as a ridiculous "yahoo answers" are going to be called out. People that come in with absolutely no desire to become part of this community by not even doing something as simple as reading the intro post that clearly states to read before posting, are not going to get that support. So if you can't take the effort to learn if your question or topic already has an appropriate thread or whether to even post if it's something ridiculous since we are not medical professional (like your babies sex) why should we take the effort to seriously respond? Quid pro quo.

Dont blame the community for calling people out for not taking the time to get to know the rules and people on this board. We are a great support group and sounding board for anyone that wants to be part of this community (even if we debate over topics) but if you are here to one shot questions that most likely you should save for your doctor get ready for all the snark. As with most communities we are protecting our own.

mj8215 · January 2017

Not sure if I qualify as one of the five snarky women (very specific number btw...Final Five?! Are we cylons?!) but I'm one of the people who got their bfp and joined this group on the earlier side (hello, peeing-on-sticks obsession!) so I feel compelled to respond.
1. We're not rude, we're hilarious.
2. No one here has been bullied. People who posted obvious made up drama/ attention seeking behavior (side boob and guess the baby's sex comes to mind) have been made fun of in a very benign way in my opinion. People with real problems (loss, physical health and wellbeing concerns, struggles with family members, work related stress, mental health challenges) have in my opinion received a warm welcome and earnest support (I know I have felt supported). People with "dumb" questions (I love that thread! I have zero clue and it's so helpful!) have felt comfortable posting them and received great practical advice. We even have had meaningful debates on complex issues such as the type of birth we may want and why. Not to mention the superb intellectual discourse on the topic of a contemporary dating show currently airing on abc.
I'm getting tired of having to defend this awesome group of fierce ladies to random people who "drive by" only to post about how mean we all supposedly are.
I'm going to take this opportunity to say that I really enjoy being part of this group and it has helped me so much especially as a continually stressed out first time mom.

mrscate88 · January 2017

I'm not new to The Bump, I had a wonderful experience as a Sep '15 mama. So much support from women that have become my good friends!

When I joined this July '17 group, I was a little surprised by how strictly the rules were being enforced by the regulars here, just because I wasn't used to that...and yes, there was SOME snark. Not a lot, but some.

As I joined in conversations, answered questions, and shared my thoughts and experiences, I started receiving more and more kindness and support. I read the rules, introduced myself, and contributed, and was welcomed by many.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with asking seemingly silly questions as a FTM (or any mom). We actually have a thread just for every "dumb" question you can think of! The problems arise when some unknown person starts an unusual or somewhat pointless post without even reading the group rules or introducing themselves, and it's clear that they are just here to cause drama or annoy the group.

You might not agree, but the fact is, the people that are here contributing every day, they CAN tell when someone just shows up to cause drama and they aren't really here for the community. Maybe these trolls should just be ignored, but you can't make everyone handle these situations the way you would personally choose to.

I don't agree with any form of bullying, but I have no problem telling someone that I don't have the answer they're looking for and they'll get much more support if they introduce themselves to the group and get to know the group rules. This is the truth for any community, in the real world and online. There are rules, and smart people follow the rules and benefit from them.

supermom83 · January 2017

First of all, congratulations on your pregnancy, and I am sorry you had many struggles to conceive and suffered losses. Many of us here can share in these struggles and understand first-hand how difficult it can be.

But to address your concerns above, OP, you seem to be looking at the situation from only your own point of view. And yes, from your point of view (as you passionately stated above) it would seem that people on this board are snarky because they do not welcome with open arms any first time posters who post about their pregnancy. To sum up the reason why is that those first time posters did not follow the general guidelines of this board.

This is a point of view from the other side; a regular:
Posting an introduction is the first step in building a relationship and involving yourself in the community. We have a thread dedicated to introduction posts soas not to overflow the board with those posts. It's convenient that they're all in one place and I can always go back and find/read someone's introduction to get to know them better. I suggest you post an introduction there. When someone fails to read the "Read this first" post at the top of the page and fails to post an introduction, most will assume the new poster has no intention of actually creating a relationship with the community and will not bother following guidelines followed by all others on the board.

Also, responding to other people's post shows involvement and interest in being a part of the community as opposed to posting only about yourself and your own questions. It's absolutely fine to have questions of your own and to post things about yourself. We all have many questions, and we all are very excited about our pregnancies, but we do not flood the board with our individual posts. All the regulars on this board post in the designated posts that relate to their news/questions without having to create their own special post that will clog up the board. Yes, it takes getting used to for sure. It took me a few days to get used to it, I encourage you to spend a few days trying to get used to it yourself and you will see how easy/better the system is.

I have recieved nothing but the warmest welcome and the best support from this board. I've been a member of TB for many years and never had anything but positive support all around. I know that some posters may be snarky when a drive-by post comes along. I personally just ignore those posts, but others take a different more direct or humorous approach to calling the new poster out. It's easy to spot when someone did not take the time or effort to get to know the board. I do understand your point of view. I really do. It's the point of view of an excited mom who came to post on a pregnancy forum to share her excitement about her pregnancy before she took the time to get a feel for the forum and did not get the outcome/reaction she was hoping for. And you have every right to feel what you are feeling, and I am sorry if you felt personally bullied or if you read a post where you thought the poster was being bullied.

Bullying is a very serious thing, and accusations like that are not to be levied lightly. Would you care to point out any specific post you felt the poster got bullied? Are you referencing when posters jokingly predict a person is having a puppy or pizza from a fuzzy ultrasound picture? (Which is very much NOT bullying) I'm interested to hear your side of what you perceived as bullying and really discuss it. If there is bullying, it should be addressed and called out for sure. I'd be interested to hear the side of the poster who you thought was doing the bullying. We're all mature adults who can handle a frank discussion.

We also have a whole thread dedicated to "dumb" questions. Please feel free to post in that thread and ask any question you may have! Or take the time to read the thread and perhaps your question was already asked by a fellow excited mom-to-be and answered by the supportive community.

And I think it's important to acknowledge that sometimes others, including internet strangers, will have a very different point of view about something, and will be just as passionate and just as steadfast about their opinion or view as much as one would be about their own. We can disagree, we can argue back and forth about it. It doesn't mean it's bullying.
I hope you take the time to respond back and get involved with the community. We took the time to respond to your post, and I personally welcome opposing views and ideas because it helps broaden minds and create an atmosphere of acceptance and tolerance. I look forward to your reply!

Twinkiedoll · January 2017

@danica01 I'm sorry you perceive some members of the group as mean. The BMB is a really great useful resource when properly utilized. But part of that proper utilization is self-policing and maintenance. I am relatively new to the Bee. I lurked for a bit to get the feel of the rules and read the pinned posts. It may seem intimidating at first but the rules and organization do help.

for instance, we have topic threads set up for different things (pregnancy after loss, FTMs, symptoms). I know I can go to that topic thread to find advice and support I need. I don't have to read fifty disparate threads to get the info I need or worry that my question would get lost in the noise. The flip side is: for that system to work, the members have to follow the rules and stick to the topic thread system. I think people here tend to be fiercely protective of the system because it's what works for the community that they've built.

When I was feeling depressed and lonely, there was a mental health thread that I could post to, and the response I received was incredible.

The only time ive really seen people "pile on" is the trolls. In particular, this one woman who repeatedly insulted the community and the came back to post like nothin happened. Otherwise you get gentle snark telling you to introduce yourself and add your info to he spreadsheets. Once you do that and participate a bit, people will barely remember beginner missteps. I've seen the snark-bringers give props to newbies they called out when the newbie promptly posted in the introduction thread. It's our way of enforcing the rules, and (except in cases of malignant trolls) we do not mean any harm.

At the end of the day, this is still the Internet so there will be some people who may be snarkier than they would face to face. Developing thicker skin for Internet criticism is not the worst thing in the world.

I hope the responses in this thread help put our behavior into perspective because the women here really are happy to help and lend support. But the BMB is sort of like its own country with its own social norms and customs. It takes a little bit of time investment and commitment to figure it out, and I don't think that's too much to ask for in exchange for the support and insight the women here have to offer.

Congrats on your pregnancy and and I hope you find the answers you need.

ETA: we even have a big thread for dumb questions so dumb questions are certainly welcome here! The motto here is: There's a place for everything, and everything in its place.

JmUDuuuukes 07 · January 2017

I think one of the reasons we can be perceived as "mean" is because we ask that new people who first log on read our "rules." I'll admit, that while I was turned off by them at first, and a bit shocked at the enforcement of them, I am personally so thankful that they are there and that the ladies on this board cared to implement them. Why? (I'll type this through thankful tears because of each and every lady on this board)

On Christmas night, I had a frightening experience that landed me in the ER. I was scared, didn't know what happened and turned here for support. And boy oh boy did that support carry me through the next week until I had more complete resolution. On a BMB without our "rules" everyone who told their family that day (we also did) would have started their own post, instead of using the "announcing" thread. Many would have shared their big Christmas presents and wanted to show off. How do I know this? Because my old BMB was like that.

My post wold have been lost on page three within hours. And I would be looking at a wall of people celebrating and it would have been even more difficult. I am so so do thankful for the rules and those that help newbies find them.

We're all excited. We all have challenges. And we can be there for everyone, if they're willing to return the favor. But if I was sitting at Panera and someone came up and pulled up their shirt and asked "do I look pregnant?" If I've never met them, and they flash a side boob, I may point and laugh while getting up and removing myself from the awkward situation. But if I were sitting around with a group of mom-friends and someone came up and introduced themselves, asked if they could hang out, then a few days later did that, totally different reaction. I think the issue is that we're not yahoo answers, we're a community, so behave like it.

glitterfish-2 · January 2017

K, bye.

Sorry, that's too much for 6am...or any time. Thanks to PPs for defending our community, but really, someone who jumps at an entire board like that does not deserve the keystrokes.

AdaByron · January 2017

Wow, thanks for coming here to educate us on the error of our ways. I'm sure everything will change now. If only I had the energy to read all that...

kat0607 · January 2017

There are countless other boards on the internet that will look at a 12 week ultrasound picture and confirm all of your wildest dreams and recommend colors for the nursery. Here, that's not how it works. If a doctor can't tell you, we can't tell you. It's one thing to be "excited" - we ALL are excited to be pregnant and celebrate each other's progress - but many of these women interact on a daily basis, so of course people are going to get a little defensive when a random person jumps in and asks for an opinion on a blurry ultrasound picture taken at a bad angle. No one here is interested in uneducated guessing. Talk about it with your doctor, or wait. That's not bullying, it's being rational.

ETA: As many PP have said, there are designated threads for fun guessing and dumb questions, even an "old wives tale" prediction thread. Anyone, random or not, is invited to participle in THOSE threads because that's what they're there for. Support is give-and-take here. And if that's not how you operate, there are other communities and message boards online that have a different set of rules. Find one that works for you.

AnnaKaie · January 2017

I'm not a daily poster. I lurk more than I post. But that is my personality. And I think this is more of a personality clash than someone being "mean" or "bullying". I haven't seen anyone being outright mean or jumping on someone's post. Now, if someone is causing drama or being a troll, yes, its warrantied.

But yeah, we're adults so lets not confuse a difference in personalities with someone being "mean" or "bullying"

LoveLee85 · January 2017

So many words. So early. Don't care. LOL

Please go a few pages back and read every single loss thread and then tell me how horrible we all are. You won't be able to.

Another troll????

kghusker1003 · January 2017

Too many words. Not enough energy.

I fully admit that I'm pretty snarky..especially on babycenter, but I post less on here because it freezes my phone.

To get support you have to give it.

longhairdntcare · January 2017

OK I'm sorry but I hate this post. Bullying is a strong word and nobody here has bullied anyone else. It's the internet, if you start a thread, people are going to respond with their opinions. That's the way it works. If you don't like it, nobody is forcing you to be here.

Image result for cant we all just get along meme mean girls

Image result for cant we all just get along meme mean girls

irishrose54 · January 2017

Wow so many thoughts while reading OP.
and it looks like most of my thoughts have been covered by PP.
OP please take time to read through every single post here. I think you may find that your original thought about this board and whatever examples we may be setting for our children are not accurate. Also, everyone read your wall of text so it's the least you can do.

dancegurl1118 · January 2017

munchkinsmama · January 2017

I would like to wish you good luck at the park with your little ones, if you can't handle Internet snark have fun with IRL mean moms.

mrscate88 · January 2017

And just as an example of how awesome this online community can be: a complete stranger (you) came here, didn't follow the group rules or introduce yourself first, made many unnecessary accusations, and you STILL got almost two dozen women take the time to acknowledge your feelings, write thoughtful responses, explain their position respectfully, and encourage you to continue as a member of the group. Pretty awesome for a bunch of strangers on the internet, I must say.

abmommy15 · January 2017

First I want to say that this is a very welcoming and supportive community and you would know that had you taken the time to get involved rather than make a bunch of assumptions and accusations. You want an opinion on your ultrasound then you need to ask a medical professional not a bunch of internet strangers. I have been involved in two BMBs and lurked a bunch more and I have never seen a board that has any interest in telling you if your blurry ultrasound shows boy parts or girl parts.

Second I take a lot of offence to you using the word bullying. Bullying is a very serious issue which is not taken seriously because people like you overuse the term when it doesn't actually apply and make it seem like a minor thing. Bullying is the cause of most teen suicides and needs to be taken seriously. A bunch of people on the internet telling you that they have no interest in your random is it a boy or girl posts is in no way bullying.

We have ladies in this group who are anxiously awaiting scary test results, dealing with unexplained bleeding or other risk factors. If you take a look at some of those posts you will see nothing but support and kindness.

Just like any community either on the internet or in real life we have guidelines of what is acceptable and how things are handled. You may not agree with all of it; I certainly don't but the value of the community is worth living with the few rules you don't like. Like in any group there will never be 100% consensus with how things should be run. I was a very active member of my last BMB and I still chat daily with many of the women from that group. We have supported each other through pregnancy, the difficult newborn days and now navigating life with toddlers. I don't know what I would have done without those ladies and I expect I will find the same support in this group as well.

I encourage you to introduce yourself in the appropriate thread, participate in the discussions and I believe that you will soon see that this community is nowhere near as mean and awful as your initial perception has led you to believe. The fact that this post has been responded to so kindly by so many is a shining example of the welcoming atmosphere we have here. Most groups (both on the internet and in real life) would not be accepting or kind when someone comes in out of nowhere and tells them that they are awful and doing everything wrong.

SaphireSweetie88 · January 2017

We may be snarky but it is usually warranted. We don't bully and we offer a ton of support. I would honestly dare to say I get more support here than from some of my friends and family. Read and lurk more and I think you will see this.

Sassenach1743 · January 2017

mrscate88 said:

And just as an example of how awesome this online community can be: a complete stranger (you) came here, didn't follow the group rules or introduce yourself first, made many unnecessary accusations, and you STILL got almost two dozen women take the time to acknowledge your feelings, write thoughtful responses, explain their position respectfully, and encourage you to continue as a member of the group. Pretty awesome for a bunch of strangers on the internet, I must say.

This!

OP, don't throw around accusations and try to "school" a community of ladies on how to treat people when you clearly have no clue how this board works, let alone anything real or personal about any of us. Going forward, and maybe you should make note of this for your kids... running into the middle of an established group and wagging a finger while whining "you're all mean!" is not a way make friends or make a point.

PurplePumpernickel · January 2017

I'm honestly not sure why you posted this, OP. Do you think the one post is going to convert a large group of random people who all happen to be on this one board because our due dates are on the same month? Was someone specifically rude to you? I've seen no bullying on this BMB, at all, ever, and only occasional light-hearted snark.

If you're unfamiliar with internet discussion boards in general - they all have a specific tone, and they all have a set of rules and moderators. The tone varies even among boards with similar topics. Lurking on a few before making an account is always a good idea, as is reading rules and familiarizing yourself with (usually unpaid) moderators. I've found The Bump to be one of the tamer boards I've seen/been a part of. And it really is a group of women who are caring and genuine if you take the time to get to know the board's vibe.

virginiaunicorn11 · January 2017

SPurp13 · January 2017

This does not seem to be the place for you. Give BabyCenter a whirl.

goodtimesally · January 2017

I've touched on this before and Im aware I'm in the minority but the board "organization" still baffles me. First they were "rules" (not actual TB rules just made up rules) and then when people expressed their dislike for them all the sudden it was ZOMG GUYS THEY AREN'T RULES JUST SUGGESTIONS! And now apparently they're actually rules again and breaking them means they get jumped by the July 2017 police. I mean, as long as people are following bump terms of service, is it really necessary to police everyone that makes a post? Every time someone posts about ANYTHING other than a loss, there are always a certain few that will try to make them shut down the thread and post it in another catch-all thread somewhere else. Then the post turns into a gif party or something else equally unimportant. And I know everyone who IS in favor of keeping the board strictly organized are very supportive of one another but how many of you have been warned or banned at this point for continuing to harp on the same thing all the time? And to save the board police some time: yes I've already intro'd so I'm "allowed" to comment

virginiaunicorn11 · January 2017

@goodtimesally Ok.

Itsnotyourturn · January 2017

goodtimesally said:

I've touched on this before and Im aware I'm in the minority but the board "organization" still baffles me. First they were "rules" (not actual TB rules just made up rules) and then when people expressed their dislike for them all the sudden it was ZOMG GUYS THEY AREN'T RULES JUST SUGGESTIONS! And now apparently they're actually rules again and breaking them means they get jumped by the July 2017 police. I mean, as long as people are following bump terms of service, is it really necessary to police everyone that makes a post? Every time someone posts about ANYTHING other than a loss, there are always a certain few that will try to make them shut down the thread and post it in another catch-all thread somewhere else. Then the post turns into a gif party or something else equally unimportant. And I know everyone who IS in favor of keeping the board strictly organized are very supportive of one another but how many of you have been warned or banned at this point for continuing to harp on the same thing all the time? And to save the board police some time: yes I've already intro'd so I'm "allowed" to comment

Wow, you have some really strong feelings.

Look, if telling someone they don't need to make a weekly thread saying how many days and weeks they (specifically they and not in a ticker change thread) on Christmas days because one active member had a miscarriage, and another active member started bleeding then call me the board police. I don't care, because that's waaaaaay more important to me than some rando's "haaaaaiiii, look at me thread".

You clearly feel differently so KOKO.

AdaByron · January 2017

goodtimesally said:

I've touched on this before and Im aware I'm in the minority but the board "organization" still baffles me. First they were "rules" (not actual TB rules just made up rules) and then when people expressed their dislike for them all the sudden it was ZOMG GUYS THEY AREN'T RULES JUST SUGGESTIONS! And now apparently they're actually rules again and breaking them means they get jumped by the July 2017 police. I mean, as long as people are following bump terms of service, is it really necessary to police everyone that makes a post? Every time someone posts about ANYTHING other than a loss, there are always a certain few that will try to make them shut down the thread and post it in another catch-all thread somewhere else. Then the post turns into a gif party or something else equally unimportant. And I know everyone who IS in favor of keeping the board strictly organized are very supportive of one another but how many of you have been warned or banned at this point for continuing to harp on the same thing all the time? And to save the board police some time: yes I've already intro'd so I'm "allowed" to comment

If you were paying attention, you'd see there are tons of active threads that are not about loss and not part of the list in the board organization thread. For instance, Never Have I Ever, Nesting, The Bachelor, NIPT, Healthy Dinners. Those are just on the first page. So I'm not really sure what the fvck you're talking about. But I'm still going to offer a piece of advice. If it's a topic that promotes community, bonding, getting to know each other, and/or could be helpful to multiple women, it's totally welcome on this board.

For the record, I was one of the people who thought the "rules" were unnecessary. I don't call people out for breaking rules. I call people out for being annoying.

mrsdrmatney · January 2017

I have to say I get a lot from the community.
To validate your post: In the beginning, the on occasion random, sometimes clearly unwarranted "snarky" comments are off putting. But people are just hyper vigilant of rules and potential trolls. Generally, the contributions are far supportive and positive so I just assume it's a rubbed them the wrong way kind of thread. With all of that said, being part of the community is a choice, ignore the handful of comments and move on to a new thread or I guess find a new community. I think there is some genuinely good advice and support in this thread as well as this board.
I am a 100% app on tb so l like the organization.

OperaSingerMommy · January 2017

Please also understand that for any of us who have been on TB for a while now, we see the SAME posts over and over in every BMB from random people. In the first tri it is please analyze my ultrasound, pretty soon we will see random posts asking don't I deserve a baby shower for my fourth kid, at the end it's do you think I am in labor. I am more than happy to answer any questions but like others have said, these random posters don't give back any support to our community. It's hard to take the time to give a serious response to someone with whom we have zero connection, especially considering that they probably won't offer us the sameness courtesy in the future.

If a regular member of the group asked a seemingly silly question, I don't think they'd get the same snark that you are seeing in the drive-by posts. Just like my friends in real life, you give and take in a relationship, not just take.

Congrats on your pregnancy and I hope that you will stick around and realize how supportive all of us can be.

BumpAdmin · January 2017

Hi all,

Maintaining a welcoming environment in the community is something we take very seriously. We welcome debate and engaging dialogue from all perspectives here. We do not tolerate bullying. If you feel you’ve experienced bullying within the community,

Please:

Flag comments that violate our TOU by using the “Report a TOU Violation” feature below posts
Send a Private Message to @BumpTara or @BumpCaitlin describing your concerns or send an email to communitybump@xogrp.com and include links to any threads that you are concerned about so we can properly investigate.

Please do not:

Post on the boards about your grievances with the community or individual members. Doing so tends to result in unproductive arguments among members and escalates situations.

By flagging posts that violate the TOU and sharing your concerns directly with our moderators, we are able to address issues promptly and properly.

We will be closing this thread for further comments. Thank you.

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