Most of us are at or past 24 weeks now. How is everyone feeling?
Do you count the milestones, the weeks? Do you feel you bonded with your baby well so far? Which one was your "bonding week"? For me, this last one was more emotionally bonding than any previously. Maybe to do with the week, or Christmas, or family, or all...
Did week 24 make a difference to you?
Me: 35 year old FTM, a busy city banker living in London, and a constant worrier. My DH: French guy, car fanatic, best husband ever. Our baby boy: Due on 17 April, currently 37 weeks. I can't believe it - I made it to full term!!!! Last measurement: 3150 gs at 37+1! This is going to be a big baby
I'm not at 24 weeks yet. Almost there. Another 10 more days! Although I haven't hit 24 weeks yet, I'm definitely bonding with this little guy. Every kick is so fun, I love it all. Plus the nursery is coming together so it makes it all even more real. I'm a PGAL-er, so the first few weeks were really rough for me mentally. But now, I feel great and so excited to meet this little human inside me! We talk with the boys about having a baby brother all the time. What he will look like, that he might cry a lot, that you have to be soft and gentle, that he will need me to hold him and feed him, etc. I'm mostly trying to prepare DS because he is seriously attached to me (I don't mind, but it will all change a bit when Samuel comes).
For me, (TW), viability came one day before my first baby's due date! It's so weird, but a blessing in itself.
However, I still think my loss is making it extremely difficult to bond. I may talk logically of her due date but I don't actually think I believe I'll get to meet her, so I don't want to bond with her. It's frustrating and I hope that changes soon. But viability does seem to make it more real and more likely. And that makes me feel better.
I'm not at 24 weeks just yet but with DD I didn't feel bonded to her until she after she was born. I loved her when I was pregnant because she was my baby but I couldn't really "bond" with someone I didn't know. Now, she's like my best friend! I don't expect to feel a bond with this LO until after he's born but it could happen before that. Every mom and every pregnancy is different.
I'm not to 24 weeks but I think bonding actually started the day we found out it was a boy. Despite being SO Team Green, I have to admit that knowing the gender really helped me to bond. It helps that I felt him move for the first time on that same day. Before that, I had tried talking and reading to the baby, but I really felt silly, like I was just talking to my stomach.
I'm feeling much more bonded now. I don't remember when it happened, though. Probably mid-December when we bought a crib and car seat. She definitely felt like a parasite through first tri. I'm counting down weeks now. Sometimes in joking ways--like only 14 weeks until I can drink wine!
DD #1: April 2017 DD #2: May 2020 Baby #3: EDD May 2023; MC October 2022
Just with in the last few weeks I have felt "bonded" a little more with her. I have been calling her (in my head) by the name that I wanted out of our top two and DH just told me today that he thinks we should go with that. It made me so happy because I just feel like it's her. Her nursery is coming together and I think if she were here I would be ready for her. However, I think the most sobering thing is I waited and waited to get to halfway and now that is already 5 weeks behind me. It is so crazy to think that I only have 15 weeks to go, the first 15 week flew by so I can only imagine these next weeks will as well.
I think with both pregnancies I really started to feel bonded when we knew the sex, because then I was able to attach names to them (not that DH and I have officially agreed on baby girl's name, but I'm 95% sure this is the one we're going with). Also when regular movements started up, especially with this one because I've been so busy with DS and work and life that I kept forgetting I was pregnant at the beginning.
Today I am pregnant and I love my baby. That is all I am certain of, but I make myself prepare as though I'll be meeting my little boy in approximately 14 weeks. I talk to him and call him by whichever name I'm going by at the time (I'm trying out several to see how they sound with repeated use). Is there a difference between being bonded and being attached? I feel like I'm definitely attached...I mean, I'd be utterly devastated if I were to lose the baby, but based on past experience I wouldn't necessarily be surprised.
I still have a few days until I hit the 24 week mark, hut have felt a bit more connected ever since I started feeling regular movement. I am PGAL, so it really took me a long time to allow myself to get excited and attached.
I started pulling out DS'S old clothes and infant stuff today, so I think that has helped too...once we finally decide on a name I think it will really help with the bond.
I'm totally with @Caressa1, I won't feel "bonded" until I meet this baby and can see her little personality. Same as with my 1st. Right now, it is a stranger I am growing inside me. I am enjoying my time with her on the inside though. We picked out a crib and are maybe getting closer on names so, nesting has definitely begun.
I'm 24 weeks today. I'd say I really started bonding with the babies around week 14 when my HG got significantly better and then around week 20 when I started feeling strong consistent movements
I wouldn't say it made me feel more bonded, but it's definitely a week I look forward to and it makes it more real that I'm really going to be holding a baby in a few months.
As with my first pregnancy, I haven't really "bonded" with this baby and I'm okay with that. Both pregnancies have felt surreal and I've honestly not put a lot of thought into what's going on. Call it denial, a post-IF protection tactic, who knows. It also took me a while to bond with DS after birth, but I know that I will get there. I tend to focus on the task at hand, and not focus too much on the future, so maybe it's a personality thing? But I do know that once she's here, I will come around. Quickly.
Me: 37, DH: 35 :: TCC since 2/11 SA: Perfect! CD3 HSG = Blocked Right Tube
April- Femara 2.5mg + Trigger + IUI = BFN May- Femara 5mg = CX - No Response on Left = BFN June- Femara 7.5mg + Trigger + IUI = BFN August- Lap & Hysteroscopy = Blocked & Partially Blocked Tubes September- Femara 5mg = CX - No Response on Left = BFN October- 100mg Clomid + Trigger + TI = BFN IVF # 1: Stims 11/30 ER 12/12/12! (10R, 10M, 8F, 2T, 6 F) :: Beta #1- 176 c/p @ 4w4d FET #1 February 26th :: Lost 4 to Thaw, Transferred 2 = BFFN IVF # 2 Stims 5/10 ER 5/21 (15R, 13M, 13F, 2T, 7F- 6d3 & 1d5) :: Beta # 1- 15 c/p @ 4w
FET #2 Cancelled, Right Tube Developed a Hydro 8/28 Hydro & Scar Tissue Removed Cleared for FET FET #2.2 Scheduled for September 20th 2 Thawed, 2 Transferred! Beta #1- 96, Beta #2 906! :: EDD June 10th 2015- 2 failed FET. We are done SURPRISE! BFP 8/8/16 EDD 4/1/17
If the stages of conception to fully "bonded"/in love go something like this.....
1. BFP! 2. Holy crap, is this real?! A baby? 3. Yes, a baby. Amazing!/I just hope nothing happens to him/her... 4. It's a boy/girl/moving around like crazy...I'm falling in love! 5. Repeat step 2. 6. Hi baby! I'm your mama and I love you more than I thought possible....
I'm still on step 2.
I know obviously this is a mass generalization, but I am glad several others mentioned not feeling connected yet. I feel a bit guilty because I felt much more in tune with DD, but I just don't have the kind of time I did with her to reflect on being pregnant. I used to do about 1.5 hours of yoga every day and spend a lot of that moving meditation sending love to the baby....now, I just still can't believe we're doing it again and even question it all.
Everything in it's own time though.
Me: 31 DH: 36 Married 5 years DD born 8/30/13 #2 expected 4/25/17
To a degree - I notice it. It's not related to bonding for me though - I didn't bond with my first two until they were born and I knew them, and even then it was a slow process as they were in the NICU.
My twins were born at 29 weeks after preterm labour, and I had a miscarriage at 10 weeks last time as my appendix burst. I will breathe a little sigh of relief if I get to 24 weeks (I'm still at 22.5), and at 28 and 32 when statistically things improve for long-term outcomes, and at term. But really it's all speculative to me until the baby arrives, hopefully safely.
@cafedisco, this is spot on, I am currently looped into step 2-step 5.
Movement always makes me very happy, but also lately I get a really weird scary feeling on, holy crap, this is real, I must give birth to him, I must take care of him, this is actually real - then I get scared about what if I do something wrong.
At the same time husband is bonding like crazy. He is softer and more enthusiastic every day, instead of the funky little name we have been calling my bump, he actually started calling him "my son", "my little boy" this kind of stuff. This somehow makes it even more real for me!
Me: 35 year old FTM, a busy city banker living in London, and a constant worrier. My DH: French guy, car fanatic, best husband ever. Our baby boy: Due on 17 April, currently 37 weeks. I can't believe it - I made it to full term!!!! Last measurement: 3150 gs at 37+1! This is going to be a big baby
I totally agree with @cafedisco and @smallanimal and I am in the constant steps 2-5 loop. I feel like I had a total wall up until I found out gender at 18 weeks because I am also a PGAL-er as so many have mentioned in this thread. Right around that same time (18 weeks) I started to get a little bump and feel movements so it all hit me at once. Knowing it's a little boy helps me feel connected and it's so fun to dream about what he might be like. We have been testing out our favorite name, and that seems to help it all feel more real too. I definitely think hitting viability week felt like a milestone, as well. Next milestone will be 3rd tri which is coming right up!!
Agreed that finding out it's a girl helped make everything seem a bit more real, as does the awe and wonder of feeling all these little dance parties Nugget's having in there. I had a shower on Monday (with my large extended family who were all in the same place for Christmas) and seeing all these tiny baby clothes was also a moment of awe/wonder/panic for me. I'm not sure how "bonded" I am per se, but I absolutely love laying in bed with my hands on my belly feeling her kick. I feel very connected to her in those moments. I also enjoy singing to her when I'm driving - hope she enjoys it too
I thought I felt "bonded" to # 1 while pregnant, but nothing compared to actually having him on my chest after birth. I think everyone is different, and maybe it is because I am team green, or because I don't have a name yet, but I personally don't feel that "connection" until after birth. Don't get me wrong- I LOVE the baby I am carrying, and will do everything in my power to protect it. I look in awe at the ultra sound photos, and reveal in every kick, I just know that my deep connection may not occur until after I meet him/her.
I was talking to a co-worker during my last pregnancy, and telling her that I was terrified I wasn't the "mom type". She told me not to worry, it will all work out. After he was born, the only way I can explain it is that there was a hole in my heart I didn't even know was there until he arrived in my world. Once he was in my life, he filled that gaping hole that never exist before.
Re: Viability week and bonding
Married: 5/30/2013
DSS #1: 5/25/2007
DSS #2: 1/22/2011
DS #3: 7/8/2012
BFP: 3/14/2016 ~ MC: 3/19/2016
DS #4: 4/21/17
However, I still think my loss is making it extremely difficult to bond. I may talk logically of her due date but I don't actually think I believe I'll get to meet her, so I don't want to bond with her. It's frustrating and I hope that changes soon. But viability does seem to make it more real and more likely. And that makes me feel better.
I do already feel bonded to baby but due to being a loss mama I subconsciously hold back fully until baby is born. I wish I didn't, but I do.
DD1 born 5/24/10.
Missed M/C at 14 wks Feb 2012.
DD2 born 5/14/13.
Missed M/C at 9 wks July 2015.
DD #2: May 2020
Baby #3: EDD May 2023; MC October 2022
I started pulling out DS'S old clothes and infant stuff today, so I think that has helped too...once we finally decide on a name I think it will really help with the bond.
It also took me a while to bond with DS after birth, but I know that I will get there. I tend to focus on the task at hand, and not focus too much on the future, so maybe it's a personality thing? But I do know that once she's here, I will come around. Quickly.
June- Femara 7.5mg + Trigger + IUI = BFN August- Lap & Hysteroscopy = Blocked & Partially Blocked Tubes
September- Femara 5mg = CX - No Response on Left = BFN October- 100mg Clomid + Trigger + TI = BFN
IVF # 1: Stims 11/30 ER 12/12/12! (10R, 10M, 8F, 2T, 6 F) :: Beta #1- 176 c/p @ 4w4d
FET #1 February 26th :: Lost 4 to Thaw, Transferred 2 = BFFN
IVF # 2 Stims 5/10 ER 5/21 (15R, 13M, 13F, 2T, 7F- 6d3 & 1d5) :: Beta # 1- 15 c/p @ 4w
FET #2.2 Scheduled for September 20th
2 Thawed, 2 Transferred! Beta #1- 96, Beta #2 906! :: EDD June 10th
2015- 2 failed FET. We are done
SURPRISE! BFP 8/8/16 EDD 4/1/17
1. BFP!
2. Holy crap, is this real?! A baby?
3. Yes, a baby. Amazing!/I just hope nothing happens to him/her...
4. It's a boy/girl/moving around like crazy...I'm falling in love!
5. Repeat step 2.
6. Hi baby! I'm your mama and I love you more than I thought possible....
I'm still on step 2.
I know obviously this is a mass generalization, but I am glad several others mentioned not feeling connected yet. I feel a bit guilty because I felt much more in tune with DD, but I just don't have the kind of time I did with her to reflect on being pregnant. I used to do about 1.5 hours of yoga every day and spend a lot of that moving meditation sending love to the baby....now, I just still can't believe we're doing it again and even question it all.
Everything in it's own time though.
DH: 36
Married 5 years
DD born 8/30/13
#2 expected 4/25/17
My twins were born at 29 weeks after preterm labour, and I had a miscarriage at 10 weeks last time as my appendix burst. I will breathe a little sigh of relief if I get to 24 weeks (I'm still at 22.5), and at 28 and 32 when statistically things improve for long-term outcomes, and at term. But really it's all speculative to me until the baby arrives, hopefully safely.
Movement always makes me very happy, but also lately I get a really weird scary feeling on, holy crap, this is real, I must give birth to him, I must take care of him, this is actually real - then I get scared about what if I do something wrong.
At the same time husband is bonding like crazy. He is softer and more enthusiastic every day, instead of the funky little name we have been calling my bump, he actually started calling him "my son", "my little boy" this kind of stuff. This somehow makes it even more real for me!
My DH: French guy, car fanatic, best husband ever.
Our baby boy: Due on 17 April, currently 37 weeks. I can't believe it - I made it to full term!!!!
Last measurement: 3150 gs at 37+1! This is going to be a big baby
DD #2: May 2020
Baby #3: EDD May 2023; MC October 2022
I was talking to a co-worker during my last pregnancy, and telling her that I was terrified I wasn't the "mom type". She told me not to worry, it will all work out. After he was born, the only way I can explain it is that there was a hole in my heart I didn't even know was there until he arrived in my world. Once he was in my life, he filled that gaping hole that never exist before.