Day care?

Katie______ · December 2016

Hi All,
Where I live day care waiting lists are 12-15-18 months (so I really should have called before I was pregnant for some). I called an in home day care service today and they connect people to providers 10 weeks out and they usually said they find places (aka not a 12 month wait list!). Can I ask---what do you guys think of in home services? What have you watched for?

We're hoping to buy a house before the baby comes which is also making these long lists just tougher.

Thanks!

SaphireSweetie88 · December 2016

I don't have an opinions on in home services but I would definitely do thorough research on them beforehand. Also, look for anything that would be concerning to you. Child's behavior, suspicious marks, etc. I'm assuming you are going to be able to take a tour of the place so look for any safety concerns as well.

abmommy15 · December 2016

I know lots of people who use in home providers and love them. We went with a daycare centre because I've heard too many stories of people loving their provider and then something awful happens. DS is in an amazing daycare centre with access to lots of toys, activities etc and I never have to worry about my provider calling in sick or taking vacation and leaving me without care.

Katie______ · December 2016

Thanks ladies. @abmommy15 that is kind of a fear. I know someone in another state who had an issue, but it is appealing it sounds so easy. My hubby pointed out too it could be short term while we wait for one of the 18 month lists too.

satsumasandlemons · December 2016

The in-home daycare my daughter went to between 1 and 2.5 was THE BEST! The lady was this awesome older lady who used to make all the kids food - lots of bean soups, lots of hard boiled eggs, fresh veggies, etc. my daughter really established her early eating there. The assistant was awesome and the place was clean.

Dont ask about the daycare/preschool she went to next - they literally left her outside in 100+ weather in the hottest part of LA summer the day before her 3rd bday. So.... not all in home centers are terrible and not all center daycares are great.

ladipale · December 2016

I'm already on a waiting list for the center at my work for this pregnancy and I probably won't get a spot....

ill probably research in home centers for this child. It's my 3rd and the center we used for my other 2 has increased prices to an unbelievable rate. Ill use personal recs from friends as a starting point.

ashaw512 · December 2016

It's your personal preference. I would tour both day care centers and in home service. I worked in a daycare so I'm super picky about things. The lady I worked for was not nice and I told all the parents. I reported her to the state time after time and she's still in business.

You have to go with your gut feeling, you'll know the right on when you find it. But I would encourage you to start interviewing and touring now.

mrscate88 · December 2016

I know several people who have their kids in them and are very pleased with them. I used to work at a small in-home daycare and we loved those squishy kiddos like they were our own.

Always do background and reference checks, interviews and tour the premises. I've also done babysitting for people through care dot com and had good experiences.

AdaByron · December 2016

I know a lot of people who are happy with their in home daycare providers. They also tend to be more affordable. We chose a center because we have no family in the area to help in case an in home provider got sick or wanted a vacation. We toured a lot of centers an only found one we liked. Luckily we were able to get in easily with DS.

This time around, we recently moved, and found a new center we like. We are still driving to the old center until a spot opens up for DS is February, which sucks. I got on their wait list before I was pregnant and they don't expect to have a spot for #2 until November, so we might be making 2 stops every day to take the baby to our old DC center until a spot opens up. It's kind of a mess.

notachanski · December 2016

From what I've seen, the in-home daycare providers seem to be more popular and common in some areas of the country more than others. I know people who loved their in-home providers and others than switched around and were never happy. Like everyone else is saying, do your research but I certainly think they are worth looking into.

Xath · December 2016

We used in-home care when we were in the US and we loved it. Our county has a licensing program for in-home providers, and they maintain records on their website of who's legit. I was able to use their database to find providers in my area and sort by working hours, languages spoken, etc. We found an amazing provider who was willing to speak to my boys in Spanish full time for immersion.

The county records also maintain lists of infractions/violations. So you can see any reports that the county had to follow up on. Our DCP had one infraction; when they inspected her First Aid kit immediately following a rules-change, she only had one triangular butterfly bandage in the kit instead of the newly mandated 2. That was the only thing on her record and I was ok with that. My boys were loved every day.

Katie______ · December 2016

Thank you everyone!!!!!!! So much. I went on a day care visit today and got on a 12-18 month list for a center that was awesome. The in homes all don't let you tour (at least from what I have heard) until 2 -2.5 months out because that's when they start connecting providers and parents. I did find the in home networks have back up providers for vacations or if your provider is sick. I appreciate all your insights! Seriously, thank you all!!! @satsumasandlemons
-----can I ask why you swapped from inhome to a center? The centers seem more like a school which is nice....but I'd love to hear more of the why

satsumasandlemons · December 2016

@Katie______ honestly, that was the reason why - the preschool had an opening for their 2-3 year old room which meant we'd then just move on to 3 year old preschool class. It was a waiting game, really, and if we passed on the space, we wouldn't be able to secure a preschool slot.

We ended up moving to another part of LA maybe 6 months later. In retrospect, I wish I would've just let her continue at the in-home daycare for a while and continued building her confidence there. She's always been pretty sensitive but she was comfortable with her small group of kids and I think the big center and big groups of kids were a bit intimidating for her.

mrsdrmatney · December 2016

We did KinderCare for my ds. I interviewed several in home providers and there was always something that didn't work like smoking outside the home, lack of structure, pets, large age gaps, carpet (my ds had asthma and the gunk under a carpet/pad is disgustingly too much). KinderCare was amazing and filled out all possible information from amount eaten to diaper changes, activities and daily projects. I was a sahm for my both of my girls and will be for this one as well.

stokesm21 · December 2016

The most affordable daycare's in our area are in-home daycare's so I will probably send baby to one of those. The one place my nephew was first in was great until a bunch of stuff started happening in the provider's personal life and my sis did not feel comfortable with my nephew being there anymore (even after explaining her concerns with said provider) so she pulled him out and put him in preschool, which he loved! Now that she's on baby #2 and my nephew is in kindergarten, she'll (niece) will go to the home daycare during the day and my nephew will go after school.

We have laws here regarding home daycare's. That doesn't mean that stuff doesn't happen, because it does, but I think research is key. Recommendations from others is huge.

dancegurl1118 · December 2016

I'm devastated that I will not be able to put this LO in our current daycare center, and will have to take DD out. We are obsessed with it and DD has really grown and thrived there. We just are not going to be able to afford it (it would be about $1600/mo for TWO DAYS A WEEK!!). That's the going rate for centers around here and I work such crazy hours/days that we don't have many choices. We are hoping to find someone to come to our house for those 2x a week but that will still cost us $1200/mo conservatively.

Katie______ · December 2016

@dancegurl1118
I know, our day care is 1600-1800.........wheew......I start thinking about just this kid and how to afford it....and man what if we had a second----I don't know how that works! I agree it's crazy!

@satsumasandlemons
Thanks for sharing your story! It helps and my husband's office is moving so......we will be on lists for there too as I think I want to try eventually to do daycare by his work, and to start with inhome, but it's an evolving process.

Creedon778 · December 2016

For those stressed about paying for more than one in daycare at a time another option is getting an au pair. They are paid $196/week for 45 hours of flexible coverage. No more than 10 hrs/day. There's also a fee to the au pair organization which in the end means you're paying about $350-$375/week. If you live in a high COL area for daycare it's financially worth it. We are on our third au pair and we greatly appreciate the flexibility.

satsumasandlemons · December 2016

My daughter is in TK now and we have a nanny share that is about as expensive / month as full time childcare for a 1-2 year old. We plan on keeping her with the nanny share through the next school year (Kindergarten) while I stay at home with baby for first few months and then maybe have my ILs or my parents come out and watch her for the rest of the school year. this is all in my head at this point, though.

Katie______ · December 2016

@Creedon778
Can you share more about how you found your au pairs?

oheliza44 · December 2016

@Creedon778 I am also interested. We are on daycare waiting lists and are guaranteed a spot at at least one of them but I also want to explore a nanny or in home care.

born2runrn · December 2016

We have had a nanny, have our son currently in a daycare center (started at 15 months) and am now researching in home daycares because the center daycare setting (at least the one we are currently in) is not for us. It's so nerve wracking doing all this research. I hope we find a good fit for us soon.

Creedon778 · December 2016

Yes sorry for the delay ladies. Being on my phone too much makes me feel sick so I don't check often.

There are a number of au pair organizations and all are regulated by the state department so what the au pair gets is fixed but the fees by agency vary. We use Cultural Care and I believe they are the largest but I know there are other big ones (au pair in America). If you contact them you can ask how many au pairs they have in your area so that you know you au pair would have some friends nearby.

Searching for an au pair in their database kinda feels like online dating. There are lots of profiles and you can filter by location, English proficiency, age, etc. One thing I should note is that au pairs age out at 27. Our au pairs have always been 18 / 19 and fantastic. They are all required to have a minimum number of childcare hours and their history tells you where they got them (e.g. Daycare, babysitting for neighbors, internship). If you have a child under 2 they require you to get an infant certified au pair that has a minimum number of infant hours. Some au pairs post videos and all have lots of photos of them, their family, a medical screening, personality screening, information from their interviewer, preferences (being with single moms, caring for children with special needs, same sex families, other religions). There's a ton of info (can they swim, how long have they driven for, interests). With cultural care you can place up to 3 on hold meaning only you can interview them. You Skype with them, share your family profile, and then decide if it's a fit or release them and keep interviewing.

We have always had German au pairs for a few reasons. We wanted high English profiency as our son had a nut allergy and I wanted someone who could read labels and ask questions. We also wanted someone who had driven in snow bc we are in Massachusetts and the au pair would be driving the kids around. We interviewed throughout Europe but we always end up with Germans. I know some families that go with Latin American au pairs and their kids are now fluent in Spanish.

I stated the costs previously but there are other costs to consider. You have to have a room for them. If they are going to drive you have to add them to your car insurance. You need to feed them and utility bills could go up as well. They pay for their own medical insurance.

Happy to answer any other questions you may have.

caribbeanmama-2 · December 2016

@Creedon778 thanks for posting! Very helpful to hear personal experience. We are thinking of getting an au pair by the end of the year but my husband is a little nervous about having someone constantly in the house. He is not familiar with this kind of setup and doesn't think having an additional teenager in the house sounds good lol! I grew up with live in nannies (it Is common and not expensive at all where I grew up).

Our current house does not have an alternate entertainment area (unfinished basement) and the au pair would have to use the same bathroom as the one we use to bathe our toddler. THe guest room is not an en suite. Can you describe your home set up a little? Does your au pair have her own wing? Is she on the same floor as the master bedroom? Do you think it's necessary? We are actually talking about moving to a new house that we expect would be a better setup. Did you notice a big difference in your privacy?

Sorry for the barrage of questions! We currently pay $15 an hour for 45 hours a week for a nanny - almost $3000 a month,which is not sustainable. DS needed individualized care especially as an infant but we are thinking to send him part time to Montessori school perhaps when he turns 2 (he is 17 months now).

Creedon778 · December 2016

The house we lived in with our first two au pairs had a finished attic with two rooms and she had one of them. Her bathroom was on the 2nd floor and was also used by our two boys. It was never an issue. They don't require that they have their own bathroom. Just their own room.

Our new new house is pretty big so she has the luxury of an en suite bathroom and a big room but it's not necessary. It's best you explain the set up and situation up front so expectations are clear. My friend had part of her basement closed off to make it into a bedroom and then she goes upstairs for the bathroom. The right au pairs care most about the connection with the family and nicer living conditions are just a bonus. You will run across au pairs that are just looking to live with wealthier families or just in California / Florida but there are lots of great ones too and it's all about a diligent interview process.

Your husband's concern was also ours at first. But things got so hectic with two we were just begging to have someone available at the house. It makes getting ready in the morning so much easier and when the kids are sick you don't have to stress about who is going to stay home with them. Privacy has not been a concern and the girls have varied in terms of their stay at home or hang out with friends nature. They want privacy too especially when they're with the kids all day so alone time in the room or skyping with their family is typical. They're all good about wanting to be a part of the family though. We invite them for things we do on the weekend. Sometimes she comes and sometimes she hangs out with her friends.

Also I should mention you can have the au pair help out with anything kid related. So she does their laundry once a week, makes their lunches, and usually dinner. She's not responsible for doing our dinner but if we are home she usually asks if we want to eat and she makes some extra. It's not gourmet meals but it's better than the cereal I'd be eating otherwise. Having all of here details taken care of makes my time with them more enjoyable. I don't have to worry about getting dinner on the table the minute I walk in from work. I can sit and spend time with them, read them books and put them to bed.

Both our boys started Montessori school at 3 and love it so I recommend that as well.

Hope that helps!

caribbeanmama-2 · December 2016

Awww @Creedon778 I so appreciate you taking the time to craft a detailed reply. Will be sharing your post with my husband. I think we need to bite the bullet on the au pair front as I have such major anxiety about sending baby to daycare before 4 lol! - sending him at 2 was the compromise. Our previous nanny was a former au pair from Colombia who dropped out of the program to marry an American. She was very good!

Creedon778 · December 2016

@caribbeanmama if you decide to go with cultural care au pair feel free to use my referral link. My understanding is it gives you $500 off your program fee.

https://go.culturalcare.com/cultural-care-referral-500.html?hfid=USX219217

@cait32 I believe there is an age limit when they get older but I don't believe there is one as an infant but I'm not 100%. There's no reason they can't help in the middle of the night as long as you set that expectation while you're interviewing and they're open to that. Cultural care has you outline a typical schedule in your application / family profile but it's just a general guideline and you can let them know schedules will likely change week to week and perhaps set certain nights where you'll need overnight help. Not to stereotype but I've heard that Asian au pairs (e.g. Thailand) are especially good with infants.

From a cost perspective I would account for:
- weekly au pair stipend
- au pair program fees (sometimes they have things like application fees but you can sometimes get those for free or discounted)
- education stipend ($500 - au pairs are required by the state dept to take 6 credits a year. We just have to fund $500 of that cost).
- additional food costs. This just varies by au pair. I've had ones that eat like a bird and ones that eat like a teenage boy.
- car insurance costs (if your au pair is going to need to drive). This can be a big one bc most only have a couple years of driving experience.

heres a page from cultural care that summarizes their costs. Keep in mind other au pair program costs vary. CC is not the most expensive but may not be the cheapest. We went with them bc we knew people who used them and they are one of the largest so a big database to choose from.
https://culturalcare.com/pricing/

One other thing to mention is that the program says they can't work more than 45 hrs a week most are looking for ways to make extra money and you could always ask them to work a little more some weeks and pay at like $10-$12/hr. It's just about shared respect. We don't take advantage of her and she's usually happy to help out when she can.

Oh oh and they get two vacation weeks a year. You decide together which weeks those will be. We usually do one week around the holidays because I am off from work and thence her choose another week.

PurplePoppy424 · December 2016

It really just depends on your preferences. My oldest is currently at an in home. She's a neighbor of ours and she worked at a center with my sister before our kids were born. We love it and couldn't ask for a better situation. We already knew her though. If you go with an in home, just make sure to do your research and meet with the provider a couple times before returning to work. See how they are with your baby and if you feel comfortable. Also make sure to go over all the details as if it were a center. We even have a contract with our provider.

LoveLee85 · December 2016

I'm up craps creek! I would love a facility I could take him to on two mornings a week. I could get my ob appointments in baby free, schedule dentist, hair, whatever I want done. Grocery shop in peace. BUT all the day care facilities in my area want full time pay no matter when you plan on dropping off the baby/child. Ugh! I'm not paying full time to get 8 hours to myself a week! I don't want to have someone come into our home for many reasons: my DH works crazy hours and might be trying to sleep, an indoor dog that only likes family members, I don't want to have to clean for someone to come over(LOL) and I want a dependable place to take him so he can socialize with other kids. My sister uses a lady who comes to her house and she seems to cancel more than she's there! If I have appointments I HAVE to go to them. In home day care isn't my jam. I know there are good places out there, but a few local ones have had horrible luck this past year. It has me too scared to go that way.

Katie______ · December 2016

@LoveLee85 I saw lots of coops here without many hrs. Would that be an option? No idea of wait times though.

Second time moms:
One more question: we went to an in home day care orientation last week. Not all their providers through this network can give meds if needed. I feel like that's super inconvenient and also not great. They also specifically said they don't do curriculum ?? Thoughts? Have your providers been able to do meds?

Thanks.

Cynth0104 · December 2016

My son has been at Kindercare since he was 10 weeks (he is now 4.5 years old). We chose them mostly due to the hours they offered (6:30am-6:30pm). It is not cheap but I have found it worth it. We are planning on having this one at Kindercare as well. The good news is that by the time I go back to work, my son will have started kindergarten, so we will only be paying for 1 in daycare. Cost for an infant is about $350/week

Xath · December 2016

@Katie______. It's weird if they can't give meds; I've never encountered that before and that could get super inconvenient.

Re: ciricculum - Newborns don't need one. Kids get enough structured education once they hit school. Newborns need to be fed, changed, cuddled, and occasionally stimulated. And they'll be stimulated plenty by having other kids around. Maybe look at finding a preschool or structured daycare around 2? But for now it's not necessary.

Katie______ · December 2016

Thanks @Xath. It's good to know you thought the med thing was weird too....And yes I guess it just pushes preschool much much more.

Xath · December 2016

My 3rd ended up in a daycare with a "curriculum" when we moved at 6 months old. It was mostly "S looked at colors today" and "S enjoyed dancing during song time." I don't feel like he's any better/worse off than my eldest who was at an in-home until age 3.

virginiaunicorn11 · December 2016

We are maybe in a different situation here in Germany, but daycares here won't give meds. My son hasn't needed them during the day anyway. The only issue has been teething pain, and he's usually too distracted there to be too fussy over it anyway.

dancegurl1118 · December 2016

I go to a large chain daycare and they won't give meds. They don't have a full time nurse so I understand that.

caribbeanmama-2 · December 2016

Oh I didn't know about the meds thing - I guess need to ask before my son starts! I know most places will have a sick policy - like if baby has a fever you can't bring him in for 48 hours etc. But what about supplements or over the counter medications? Anyone know? My son is mildly anemic so he is on iron supplements and we have to split up the dose and give it to him a couple times a day. Also we give him miralax for constipation a couple times a day. Would that count? Hmmm... I didn't think about the logistics of this sort of thing. I guess it kind of makes sense from an overdosing liability standpoint? But.... I mean they are liable for a bunch of tiny humans regardless of the meds so is it really such a stretch?

Xath · December 2016

With our in-home provider we handed her the Rx and she dosed him appropriately. With our center, we fill out a form with dosing instructions for anything special (from diaper rash cream to prescriptions) and they issue them appropriately. Both had a 48 hour no return policy after diarrhea or vomiting.

sehp8b · December 2016

I work at a center (Reggio Emelia, if that makes any difference), so my perspective is strictly from this center and our policies. Take it as you will. The teachers are not allowed to give any supplements, including Pedialyte and the like, or medication, but the administration (director, assistant director, admin assistant) can administer them with a doctor's note. This is the same for over the counter or prescription. If parents do not have a doctor's note, they are welcome to come in during the day and give their child the medicine. Most of our parents don't have a problem getting a note and having it taken care of at the school. Every center is different, but I would not be surprised if most of them had a similar policy. Love!

abmommy15 · December 2016

Our daycare centre will give meds but parents have to sign a release form and the meds have to be in their original packaging with the dosage instructions on the label. They will only give prescription meds not Tylenol etc.

lph4248 · December 2016

@Creedon778 Thank you so much for this detailed information. Funny coincidence - the president of Cultural Care is actually the father of my childhood friend. I knew he ran an au pair company but had no idea it was the one you mentioned till I looked it up.

Two questions: 1. Approximately how far ahead of time should we be interviewing? Is several months enough time or is it smart to start mid-pregnancy? 2. Do they keep an academic schedule (e.g. start the year in August/September), or is there flexibility around start dates? We'd potentially want someone to start in January, so for the spring semester. I looked on the website and didn't see this addressed and I'm hoping there is flexibility!

Thank you again! This is SO helpful.

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