UO Thursday

MrsFreeman2010 · December 2016

I would love a bigger house. Our house right now is just over 1000 sqft, it would be nice to have some more room for storage and just living area. Everything feels so claustrophobic.

This is probably isn't unpopular, but I think the state of maternity coverage as far as insurance and leave in the US I see ridiculous! I know a few states have made steps to be more supportive of mothers/fathers after having a baby but the vast majority are crappy. I work for a major health system that makes it impossible to have paid time off after baby. I will be able to take barely 6 weeks paid, but only by completely clearing out all of my sick/vacation time. I was hoping to take longer than that for leave but will have to pay for my insurance out of pocket which is $900 a pay check (we get paid every two weeks). I'm looking at basically needing to have $10-12,000 in savings just to afford a longer maternity leave. It just seems crazy to me!

MamaMiller · December 2016

I don't get why some Doctors will continue to adjust the due dates by one or two days because "baby is measuring bigger" and then Mammas make a big deal of it. I understand in the cases where baby is measuring a week ahead but I thought the earlier ultrasounds were the most accurate in determining gestational age. It is unlikely any of us will actually have their baby on their due date. Perhaps I am just more annoyed baby #3 is measuring five days and he won't budge on the date- being due at the end of the month sucks!

kat81 · December 2016

kns1988 said:

My UO is that I don't think babies have to be expensive. People love to tell pregnant women how expensive babies are, and the 3 main things they mention are formula, diapers, and daycare. I know breastfeeding might not work out, but I plan to breastfeed, I plan to cloth diaper, and DH is going to be stay at home for most of the year so we won't need daycare. So I get that babies can be expensive, but everyone scoffs at me when I say I don't think they have to be.

Cloth diapering isn't free and neither is breastfeeding (especially if dad is the one staying home, because there is pumping & bottles). That said, the huge one -- way more than diapers and formula -- is daycare. If DH wasn't going to be working anyway (so it's not lost income), then yeah, your baby is NOT expensive! We consider kids to be ridiculously expensive because of the daycare cost. But once they get to kindergarten it goes down a lot (just aftercare and summer care--much cheaper.)

The other thing I'd say that makes kids expensive is unexpected health costs. You might get lucky and never pay for anything other than co-pays on your well visits, or you might end up with a kid with chronic diseases/disorders, disabilities, major accidents, etc. Even with decent insurance you end up paying a LOT for this stuff. I'd consider ourselves on the lucky side, but this past year our son has needed a lot of mental health treatment and it has added up fast, even the parts of it covered by insurance. Not including our time (a huge expense), we have spent a couple thousand dollars in just 8 months. But this was all just a reminder to me that some people have it so much worse in this category. (Also, this mental health expense is still so much less than daycare.)

kat81 · December 2016

MamaMiller said:

I don't get why some Doctors will continue to adjust the due dates by one or two days because "baby is measuring bigger" and then Mammas make a big deal of it. I understand in the cases where baby is measuring a week ahead but I thought the earlier ultrasounds were the most accurate in determining gestational age. It is unlikely any of us will actually have their baby on their due date. Perhaps I am just more annoyed baby #3 is measuring five days and he won't budge on the date- being due at the end of the month sucks!

I have never heard of doctors adjusting the dates by 2 or so days even going off of the dating ultrasound, and certainly not after that ultrasound (i.e. not using any scan after 8 weeks or so for dating). That's so strange.

I totally agree with your opinion that people make too big of a deal of their due dates, especially if they are overdue and when the weren't 100% on when they ovulated. If you don't know your ovulation date, you can't freak out that you are 2 days overdue, no matter how regular your cycle is.

amh369 · December 2016

cato99 said:

Sex-reveal parties creep me out. They so often celebrate the very worst of gender essentialism.

(Runs and hides and ducks behind a table of monster truck toys and/or "daddy's little princess" onesies)

This is how both DH and I feel to a T! We were hesitant to even reveal the gender because despite my telling every family member and co-worker who would listen to please NOT buy us a mountain of pink princess/blue gender specific items, they all made it very clear that they could care less about our wishes and most were "hoping it was a girl" because they were "very excited to buy some frilly dresses!" - one co-worker even said to me "BUT I WON'T KNOW WHAT SHOES TO BUY IT! THERE ARE NO GENDER NEUTRAL SHOES!" - she was very distraught over this, LOL. We ended up revealing that it was a girl because frankly I am tired of the daily harassment from family/co-workers. We decided if they are disrespectful enough to ignore our wishes then there is nothing we can do about that except donate/return items. Ok, /endrant, I just had to vent!

kat81 · December 2016

On the topic of kids being expensive, you can save a LOT of $ if you have friends, neighbors, etc who have kids and are of comfortable or higher economic status. They'll basically give you all of their equipment and clothing. We haven't had to buy much by way of clothes practically at all and both of our kids have bigger wardrobes than either of us. (People had better not give us clothes for #3 because we are already overflowing!) You just end up buying things like winter coats and shoes.

So I return to the issue of things like health costs, because no one will help you shoulder that burden, give it as a birthday/Xmas gift, etc. Your uncle isn't going to say, "happy birthday, kiddo! I bought you half a therapy session for your birthday! Enjoy!"

bacorrea · December 2016

Trying to catch up. We just arrived in TN. Have another 9.5 hours to go tomorrow.

In my mind I would love a big house, like a mansion! Reality is we literally do not have enough furniture/items to fill a 3 bedroom apartment. Sooo if a mansion came with a few million for me to decorate, sure!

Dude. Babies are expensive. Kids are expensive. Even if you breastfeed you make leak and have to wear pads all the time. Kids need diaper cream and they get sick. They also grow out of clothes like .5 seconds after you bought them. Also life insurance, dental insurance, what if your kid needs glasses? Eventually there will be school supplies. Are you going to start a college fund?

I think it is more obnoxious to scoff at people that say "kids are so expensive!" It's just true.

kat81 · December 2016

MrsFreeman2010 said:

I would love a bigger house. Our house right now is just over 1000 sqft, it would be nice to have some more room for storage and just living area. Everything feels so claustrophobic.

This is probably isn't unpopular, but I think the state of maternity coverage as far as insurance and leave in the US I see ridiculous! I know a few states have made steps to be more supportive of mothers/fathers after having a baby but the vast majority are crappy. I work for a major health system that makes it impossible to have paid time off after baby. I will be able to take barely 6 weeks paid, but only by completely clearing out all of my sick/vacation time. I was hoping to take longer than that for leave but will have to pay for my insurance out of pocket which is $900 a pay check (we get paid every two weeks). I'm looking at basically needing to have $10-12,000 in savings just to afford a longer maternity leave. It just seems crazy to me!

Sometimes I've posted my UO as "I hate UOs that are not actually UOs." But I agree with this so strongly and passionately that I can't even hate it for being a non-UO.

After I get tenure at my institution (in 3ish years), I will make it my personal mission to try to get a better leave policy at my work place. They do have paid leave but it's still really crappy and kind of nonsensical for our particular positions. (We're professors and the leave is just for a few weeks, that might fall at a random time during a semester of teaching--I don't know what they do in terms of who is supposed to teach your classes during this time. There is no leave granted if you have a summer baby, even though summer is a time most professors work full-time on research, grant proposals, and similar endeavors that are required for the job. This part is unclear and I'm going to ask about it next week, but if you forgo salary to take FMLA, it probably counts against "service to the institution," time, which means you're behind on earning other rewards/milestones such as tenure, sabbaticals, etc.)

mrsrep123 · December 2016

My UO is that I hate when people learn I'm a vegetarian and they proceed to ask if I eat ___ (which is clearly some form of animal meat). Someone even asked if I ate turkey on Thanksgiving? It's like, why not ask why I am or went on vegetarian diet?? Or better yet, don't even comment.

mrsrep123 · December 2016

I even think it takes more time and effort to plan vegetarian meals for a toddler to ensure well-rounded nutrition and that it shouldn't be frowned upon as if we are forcing something awful on the kid. Many, many people raise their kids following certain religions/belief systems, and even knowing I may get a lot of backlash for saying so, that can be seen as even worse!

mrsrep123 · December 2016

To join in on all other discussions:

I have learned that I prefer a medium-sized house on a larger lot. We just purchased an 1800 sqft home on .59 acres... our backyard is HUGE. Super excited! Plus, we will be doing renovations to "open" the floorplan up a bit and add a master suite with bathroom & closet. We were previously in a 3200 sqft home with a small backyard. Definitely too much house, I mean we hardly went into some of the rooms it was so big!

Family leave is a joke in the US! I'm lucky in that my employer allows 1 month off before EDD and up to 6 months after. Only 4 months of it is partially covered by disability pay from the state and the remaining is covered by my sick and vacation time.

Like some have stated, I have been a little oblivious on the gender-sided stuff as I usually go with the flow. But I did purchase lots of "neutral" colored items because too much of one color (blue in our case) is no bueno. I even purchased "girly" colored lifefactory bottles since we got 20 of them (lol).

achays11 · December 2016

I am really late to the party on this one.

@MamaMiller my due date has changed at every appointment that I have gone to for this kiddo. My doctor hasn't made a big deal about it, but has made a verbal comment about the change each time. I don't think that he has "really" changed it. To me personally, it's a little frustrating because I would like to get a consistent date and I don't remember this happening with DD at all.

My UO is that I've been all of these posts all day and keep trying to come up with an UO, but I can't.

sarah0985 · December 2016

kat81 said:

MamaMiller said:

I don't get why some Doctors will continue to adjust the due dates by one or two days because "baby is measuring bigger" and then Mammas make a big deal of it. I understand in the cases where baby is measuring a week ahead but I thought the earlier ultrasounds were the most accurate in determining gestational age. It is unlikely any of us will actually have their baby on their due date. Perhaps I am just more annoyed baby #3 is measuring five days and he won't budge on the date- being due at the end of the month sucks!

I have never heard of doctors adjusting the dates by 2 or so days even going off of the dating ultrasound, and certainly not after that ultrasound (i.e. not using any scan after 8 weeks or so for dating). That's so strange.

I totally agree with your opinion that people make too big of a deal of their due dates, especially if they are overdue and when the weren't 100% on when they ovulated. If you don't know your ovulation date, you can't freak out that you are 2 days overdue, no matter how regular your cycle is.

I think for some, myself included, it does matter. Not personally but medically. My insurance (out of the us so it is different ) only allows moms to go 10 days over a due date before requiring induction. So 2-3 days does make a big deal in certain cases. I realize you were not talking about this type of thing but there are reasons sometimes. But if people are just concerned about the due date without any other reasons, I agree it's silly

sarah0985 · December 2016

mrsrep123 said:

My UO is that I hate when people learn I'm a vegetarian and they proceed to ask if I eat ___ (which is clearly some form of animal meat). Someone even asked if I ate turkey on Thanksgiving? It's like, why not ask why I am or went on vegetarian diet?? Or better yet, don't even comment.

I was vegetarian/pescatarian for 5 years. I never got asked that but was routinely asked and prodded about my protein intake and iron intake. I found it incredibly annoying and so often times uninformed.

ShadeofGreen816 · December 2016

sarah0985 said:

kat81 said:

MamaMiller said:

I don't get why some Doctors will continue to adjust the due dates by one or two days because "baby is measuring bigger" and then Mammas make a big deal of it. I understand in the cases where baby is measuring a week ahead but I thought the earlier ultrasounds were the most accurate in determining gestational age. It is unlikely any of us will actually have their baby on their due date. Perhaps I am just more annoyed baby #3 is measuring five days and he won't budge on the date- being due at the end of the month sucks!

I have never heard of doctors adjusting the dates by 2 or so days even going off of the dating ultrasound, and certainly not after that ultrasound (i.e. not using any scan after 8 weeks or so for dating). That's so strange.

I totally agree with your opinion that people make too big of a deal of their due dates, especially if they are overdue and when the weren't 100% on when they ovulated. If you don't know your ovulation date, you can't freak out that you are 2 days overdue, no matter how regular your cycle is.

I think for some, myself included, it does matter. Not personally but medically. My insurance (out of the us so it is different ) only allows moms to go 10 days over a due date before requiring induction. So 2-3 days does make a big deal in certain cases. I realize you were not talking about this type of thing but there are reasons sometimes. But if people are just concerned about the due date without any other reasons, I agree it's silly

I do agree with this! If this is happening to you, I would say it's worth having a discussion with your doc. I measured 4days ahead on my first u/s but he left my due date where it was based off my LMP (knowing when I likely ovulate, I probably am 3-4 days ahead of my LMP due date but that's beside the point!). He offered to change it if I wanted, but I said "No I like saying Memorial Day is my DD and plus that's 4 extra days I won't have to get induced!" Not sure if he really wanted to change it or if we were just discussing for fun. FWIW my doc knows I'm a nurse and soon to be an NP and we have a really respectful relationship where I feel like he values my medical opinion even though we both know I know about 1/100th of what he does!

sarah0985 · December 2016

@ShadeofGreen816 yes. We just switched doctors and she wants to go based off lmp. But I have never ovulated before cd 19 (16 months trying and temping almost a year) and it's actually physically impossible for us to have conceived based on lmp because we spent 2 weeks apart. So I'm 100% pushing and being picky for my due date but only because I could be medically induced based on it.

Squirtgun · December 2016

mrsrep123 said:

My UO is that I hate when people learn I'm a vegetarian and they proceed to ask if I eat ___ (which is clearly some form of animal meat). Someone even asked if I ate turkey on Thanksgiving? It's like, why not ask why I am or went on vegetarian diet?? Or better yet, don't even comment.

I had a few friends in college who were vegetarian, and I used to always buy them things like animal crackers and gummi animals. They had a similar sense of humor as me and thought it was funny!

MamaMiller · December 2016

I could understand adjusting based on these cases. My Insurance/ Doctor is very strict with many things- they do not change due dates unless baby is measuring 1 week ahead, will not do the anatomy scan until after 20 weeks, and will not inudce until 41 weeks. I get annoyed when women brag- "my due date was changed by two days, less time to be pregnant" That is not how it works! Another UO is that I think to many Doctors push for inductions. I have had friends induced at 39 weeks when it was not medically necessary because "the baby is done cooking". Ironically most of these women had horrible birthing experiences and most needed c-sections. Most babies will come when their damn ready too- the end of pregnancy sucks but deal with it! I am sure this UO will come back in May

mrsrep123 · December 2016

Squirtgun said:

mrsrep123 said:

My UO is that I hate when people learn I'm a vegetarian and they proceed to ask if I eat ___ (which is clearly some form of animal meat). Someone even asked if I ate turkey on Thanksgiving? It's like, why not ask why I am or went on vegetarian diet?? Or better yet, don't even comment.

I had a few friends in college who were vegetarian, and I used to always buy them things like animal crackers and gummi animals. They had a similar sense of humor as me and thought it was funny!

@Squirtgun that would be pretty funny. These comments were made to me by people who had no sense of humor and were just annoyed that I didn't eat meat. Totally bizarre and just a waste of energy to engage in that back & forth.

RainyDays86 · December 2016

MamaMiller said:

I could understand adjusting based on these cases. My Insurance/ Doctor is very strict with many things- they do not change due dates unless baby is measuring 1 week ahead, will not do the anatomy scan until after 20 weeks, and will not inudce until 41 weeks. I get annoyed when women brag- "my due date was changed by two days, less time to be pregnant" That is not how it works! Another UO is that I think to many Doctors push for inductions. I have had friends induced at 39 weeks when it was not medically necessary because "the baby is done cooking". Ironically most of these women had horrible birthing experiences and most needed c-sections. Most babies will come when their damn ready too- the end of pregnancy sucks but deal with it! I am sure this UO will come back in May

This. I don't understand why anyone would want to be induced early. I understand sometimes it is medically necessary for the health of mom/baby, but if you are fine and the baby is fine, let that baby cook! Also I get that at the end of pregnancy you're exhausted and uncomfortable , but let's not pretend that giving birth will fix either of those problems.

pshaortao · December 2016

Agreed with early induction being absolutely unnecessary except for medical reasons. My BFFS ob offered to induce her at 40 weeks and she was really tempted since she was dealing with bad back pain but some of us reminded her that baby is still cooking for a reason. She ended up finally getting induced 9 days past then got an emergency CS after failure to be fully dilated. Baby was surprisingly small for being so overdue but was strong enough.

JCWhitey · December 2016

@kat81 We wanted maybe 2,000 square feet total when we were buying our house but with only 8 houses total in our price range we pretty much had to go with whatever house we could get and wound up in a 2,700 square foot house. It's huge and I hated it at first, but now we have 9 people, 2 dogs, and a pig living here and I'm happy it's so big. But if it weren't for all the Jamaicans (we host 4 international J1 students and have an au pair) I'd go nuts. At least with them using those rooms and bathroom I don't have to clean it. 1600 is the perfect size (in less you throw in a bunch of Jamaicans).

JCWhitey · December 2016

I'm totally late but didn't see this post yesterday. I hate it when people don't know how to do zipper merges when lanes go from 2 to 1 at a construction site. Don't glare at my as I fly by you just because I'm actually doing it right. You're not being polite by moving over early and I'm not being rude by waiting until the merge to move over. You're being wrong and I'm being right. The people who purposefully move their cars over to block you should get huge fines.

nda_roxybabe · December 2016

JCWhitey said:

I'm totally late but didn't see this post yesterday. I hate it when people don't know how to do zipper merges when lanes go from 2 to 1 at a construction site. Don't glare at my as I fly by you just because I'm actually doing it right. You're not being polite by moving over early and I'm not being rude by waiting until the merge to move over. You're being wrong and I'm being right. The people who purposefully move their cars over to block you should get huge fines.

LOL. I am exact opposite of you on this. However, I don't have a problem with the people who merge timely when their lane is ending, its more the ones who act like they had no idea their lane would end and decide to cut everyone else off. I don't have to yield to you, you have to yield to me. (you being a general, not you specifically

)

ETA: I'm thinking of a lane ending on the highway, not for construction, if that makes any difference. We have a few mile stretch of an extra lane that ends and everyone waits and often ends up in the shoulder attempting to merge.

JCWhitey · December 2016

@nda_roxybabe That's a little different because usually they merge lanes in an area that isn't as congested. At constructions sites they are designed so that the lane that ends should merge at the actual merge and go every other car (i.e. the zipper merge). If everyone followed that they say traffic would move 40% faster. My state even ran a PSA a few years ago because people thought this was rude (in MN we think most things are rude). But it's actually more rude to slow down traffic by merging too soon.

Btw, this only applies if traffic is backed up/slow! If both lanes are going close to the speed limit you should merge as soon as you safely can. FYI.

nda_roxybabe · December 2016

@JCWhitey I was just reading up on it after your post because I got curious. Yes, that all makes sense then.

NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot · December 2016

@nda_roxybabe I treat Phoenix merge lanes per the zipper rule, especially during rush hour. It's proven to keep things moving better. I do think you are supposed to alternate yields and zipper merge. I used to merge early until I saw a PSA about it.

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