@PMForbie Why is she even complaining about it to you? I understand that it can be overwhelming, especially last minute. And the fact that she cut out help from your MIL is beyond me. Sounds like she could use the help. Does it seem like she expects you to do something about it when shes telling you these things? Does she want you to pitch in? Thats very frustrating to me.
Maybe tell your MIL to call her and offer some ideas about the games? Perhaps she's the kind of person who doesn't ask for help or denies help because idk they don't wanna be troublesome or bossy? Maybe she just needs someone like your MIL to step in and help without actually offering it.
@PMForbie You have every right to feel ragey. I don't understand why she's complaining to you about this unless she's trying to make you feel guilty for some reason? Can you ask if she wants your MILs help and then maybe you can put them in contact via email or text, assuming they don't already know each other? I'd say offer to help as well but only if you won't resent that you helped so much later.
@alicjab she was complaining in our FB message group of friends how she was feeling overwhelmed and when asked if it was because of work (school teacher) or with moving to her new house, she said yes and plus planning the shower. I've told her not to make it a burden on herself, because I know her and she tends to take on too much then complain, and that I would help her with things if she needed it and she knows there's others there to help. We've talked in person about it, but she's the type of person who likes to take on too many things and then complain about it. I'm over it right now. She said she'd have everything planned by the beginning of school so we wouldn't have to worry, but never did it. She didn't even order the invites until less than a month before after I asked her where they were. I can understand she's got a lot of stuff going on, but she knows this is a great way to stress me out and now she's not responding to my texts but will to other people in our message group.
Me: 33 DH: 38 Married: 1/10/15
1st Pregnancy EDD: 1/1/17 Born 1/10/17 Team Green turned Blue!
2nd Pregnancy EDD: 11/6/18 Born 11/09/18 Baby Boy!
3rd Pregnancy EDD: 12/?/21
Children are like casseroles; it takes a lot to mess them up.
@ashanne88 I've been trying to ask if MIL has been helping out just to see if she's doing this all on her own or what's going on, but she won't respond to my questions, which is why I feel she's cut the offers of help out. And I've told her I would help if she needs it, which I don't mind one bit, but I do mind having to do it as a result of her complaining about being overwhelmed the week before it's supposed to take place. If she had approached me and said she bit off more than she can chew, I'd still be a little peeved, but I'd be more appreciative that she asked for help.
Side note: She was going to plan her own house warming party for this Saturday until I said that she was doing way too much with my shower being next Saturday. She was seriously considering throwing 2 big parties in two weekends with minimal time to plan both.
Me: 33 DH: 38 Married: 1/10/15
1st Pregnancy EDD: 1/1/17 Born 1/10/17 Team Green turned Blue!
2nd Pregnancy EDD: 11/6/18 Born 11/09/18 Baby Boy!
3rd Pregnancy EDD: 12/?/21
Children are like casseroles; it takes a lot to mess them up.
Well dang, I thought the FB drama would end once the election was over... 'unfriending' people on facebook over a disagreement, NOT EVEN A HEATED DEBATE... is soooo petty......
^^omg so much of this. I happened to be unhappy with the election results and posted a single status yesterday. It was (what I thought to be, anyway) a short, calm, summation of my very rational opinion. One of my cousins chose to take it as a personal attack, which it absolutely wasn’t. She launched into a “what about our FAMILY!” tirade in the comments and ultimately unfriended me. I deleted the back-and-forth comments out of respect for her (it was pretty embarrassing on her behalf) but it’ll be a while before I can forgive her--not that she’s offered an apology.
I spoke to my aunt about it today (because she had been dragged into it) and she said that my cousin told her that she was PMSing and knew that she was wrong but was just "really hurt by me." I held my tongue but was thinking “uhhhhxcuse me?” Super-pregnant, hormonal, swollen blob woman here, and I managed not to turn it into a finger-pointing, name-calling cluster.
@TexasGal24 sorry you’re going through this! I agree with others that it’s so nice that your midwife was able to be an impartial person for you to talk to. A good vent session is almost always therapeutic. I hope your stress goes way down and that you can enjoy a calm pregnancy from here on out—for your own sake and that of your baby!
@PMForbie definitely not wrong to feel ragey. As others have suggested, I’d *sweetly* lay down the law and say “I understand you’re feeling overwhelmed right now, but if this is going to get done you’re going to need a plan and we should get some help.” Either way, it’s entirely unfair of her to put you in this position, especially now that she’s down to the wire. She slacked off and got herself stressed so now she’s sharing the stress with you? Not cool at all.
@AmRe214 Emotions sure are high surrounding this election. Having been through something similar, myself--see above--I understand hurt feelings but agree that your sisters need to chill out and at least put it aside until after your shower. Politics are important, sure, but not more important than family. Since you weren't even involved, they have no right to hold your party hostage. With you on the pregnant hormonal rage, btw.
Update on my friend/shower drama: MIL actually called me asking about shower details. She has no idea what's going on and has been feeling left out, so she said she would call friend this weekend. I then texted friend to let her know MIL wants to help and finally get a response. Her plan has been to do EVERYTHING this weekend, despite the fact we are both supposed to be taking our other friends' kids all day Saturday so they can have a date day and the fact that up until last week, she was going to have her housewarming party this Saturday. Then she said the reason she hasn't done anything is because she doesn't know what the venue looks like. We've been talking about this venue for months (my neighborhood's clubhouse); she could have asked all these sudden questions any time before and come over to look at it herself. DH asked her if she's so overwhelmed, he could have MIL take over. She said she'd feel like she let us down if she does that...but I'm already pretty let down. She's had 6 months to come up with plans for the shower & over a month since we officially booked the venue & confirmed the date & time, but she's only giving my shower one day's worth of thought & time? I don't know if I should be pissed, hurt, depressed, or what. I'd never do this to her.
Me: 33 DH: 38 Married: 1/10/15
1st Pregnancy EDD: 1/1/17 Born 1/10/17 Team Green turned Blue!
2nd Pregnancy EDD: 11/6/18 Born 11/09/18 Baby Boy!
3rd Pregnancy EDD: 12/?/21
Children are like casseroles; it takes a lot to mess them up.
@PMForbie I'm sorry you're having to stress over a shower that you should be looking forward to! It's not fair to you! Honestly, some people have the best intentions but when it comes down to organizing, carrying out a plan and following through on their commitments they fold. Often making it an attention seeking, drama filled situation that never needed to be. My MIL did it for my baby shower 4 years ago and my BF did it for my bridal shower 8 years ago. It sucks and again I'm sorry! Know when to draw the line and say enough is enough. A week before and nothing is done I'd be upset too!
@BrennansMom2012 sounds about right. I had the feeling she'd try to be a martyr with this then miraculously pull something off. But not this close to the date
Me: 33 DH: 38 Married: 1/10/15
1st Pregnancy EDD: 1/1/17 Born 1/10/17 Team Green turned Blue!
2nd Pregnancy EDD: 11/6/18 Born 11/09/18 Baby Boy!
3rd Pregnancy EDD: 12/?/21
Children are like casseroles; it takes a lot to mess them up.
@PMForbie well I, for one, am an emotional wreck so I would be hurt and angry, definitely. Either way, you’re not wrong for having feelings and your friend was not considering them. I completely agree with the assessment by @BrennansMom2012 it’s so unlikely that she behaved this way out of malice and probably had such good intentions but really dropped the ball.
I will say this—and I'm not assuming that you're willing to end your friendship over this—as someone who temporarily lost a best friend over wedding drama (long story short, she—a bridesmaid—behaved abominably and left my reception after 15 minutes because her dad died 5 months prior and she “couldn’t handle it”), I urge you to try not to take it personally. Granted, she has no excuse for this letdown, but life changes like moving are a fairly big deal so it might be worth it for the sake of your friendship to cut her some slack. As we all know, our own weddings/showers/babies/etc. are most important to us, though it’s difficult not to expect our loved ones to get on our level. At this point, I would insist that she connect with your family and other friends to tag team this stuff to get it done, though she really owes it to you to pull some late nights to do A LOT of it herself.
@emtimme it won't cost our friendship, it takes a lot for me to drop friends and we've been friends since high school. But I'm not going to have her in charge of planning things for me again. I know moving & her job is stressful, but the way she's handled the shower (complaining to the group I'm in, not responding to my texts until way late but responding to other messages, not letting people help who have offered) and putting it off for so long until the last weekend then blaming it on me (I had the invite list but she never asked for it until last night so I forgot to give it to her, not being able to see the venue despite having ample time to do so) really grates me. I'm glad I'm having my baby soon; I'll have plenty of reason to be disconnected for a while without looking bad cos I'm feeling so antisocial right now.
Me: 33 DH: 38 Married: 1/10/15
1st Pregnancy EDD: 1/1/17 Born 1/10/17 Team Green turned Blue!
2nd Pregnancy EDD: 11/6/18 Born 11/09/18 Baby Boy!
3rd Pregnancy EDD: 12/?/21
Children are like casseroles; it takes a lot to mess them up.
This is a late one - but why for the love of God when you let people know they can come feel the baby move do they think it's necessary to push in? 1. That's really uncomfortable 2. You can literally see the baby move from the outside now - why do you think you need to squish to feel it? 3. Squishing usually makes him stop.
So I FINALLY found a rug I loved on RugsUSA and I went to purchase it. The plan was to use a gift card for part of it and then pay the rest with my debit. Well apparently that doesn't work, but instead of it declining the gift card it just said "Thank you for your order!" etc. Of course I get a notice that there's a problem with my payment and I need to call them. So I did and told them the deal and that I wanted to just go ahead and pay with my debit card and the lady says "OH IM SORRY IT DOESNT LOOK LIKE ITS AVAILABLE ANYMORE" Whattttttttt???? The rug I got a confirmation on SHOULD have been able to be purchased still, because the order was never canceled soooo.... I am pretty dang bummed about that.
@shlecka ugh that sucks! Is the notice via email? And does it have like an "update your payment info" option? Maybe you could add money to the gift card? Such a bummer, I hate when that happens. Finally finding something you like but then you can't get it!!!
1. Baby is breech and my OB is giving him 2 weeks to turn before she intervenes. I've already had a c-section so she's not going to wait for him to turn at the end of pregnancy. I'm getting worried. turn baby turn, damnit! (Doing exercises off spinningbabies.com) 2. my mom who is an addict decided NOW would be a good time to relapse. so bye bye any help during or after delivery with anything including DS. she's my only family. sounds selfish but she relapses a lot it's getting old and my compassion towards the situation is dwindling...
I'm so mad. Because of the veteran's day sale at bye bye baby we were going to buy our glider this weekend. The glider is backordered until February. Or they were trying to get H to buy the floor model. No fucking thank-you. I don't want a dirty chair... Response from salesman 'But they are Scotchgarded!' Um. No. Asses have still sat on that chair and worn out the cushions.
Well dang, I thought the FB drama would end once the election was over... 'unfriending' people on facebook over a disagreement, NOT EVEN A HEATED DEBATE... is soooo petty......
^^omg so much of this. I happened to be unhappy with the election results and posted a single status yesterday. It was (what I thought to be, anyway) a short, calm, summation of my very rational opinion. One of my cousins chose to take it as a personal attack, which it absolutely wasn’t. She launched into a “what about our FAMILY!” tirade in the comments and ultimately unfriended me. I deleted the back-and-forth comments out of respect for her (it was pretty embarrassing on her behalf) but it’ll be a while before I can forgive her--not that she’s offered an apology.
I spoke to my aunt about it today (because she had been dragged into it) and she said that my cousin told her that she was PMSing and knew that she was wrong but was just "really hurt by me." I held my tongue but was thinking “uhhhhxcuse me?” Super-pregnant, hormonal, swollen blob woman here, and I managed not to turn it into a finger-pointing, name-calling cluster.
@emtimme Woooooow..... seriously, PMSing? You're going to use the PMSing excuse against a women in her THIRD TRIMESTER? Ok then. LOL
I think I've decided to just give people a pass for the next week or so. Because there is soooo much hate being thrown around. One side of my family is Pro-Trump, one side in completely anti-Trump. And both are extremely passionate and all friends with each other on FB.... I'm staying out of it and not saying a word regarding the election. Good or bad. I'm just over here like "Meatloaf sounds really good, super craving meatloaf here.....who wants meatloaf?" Lol
@AlicjaB Yeah the notice was an email with just a phone number to call. And when I did apparently the rug was just gone. I've even checked the website since and it's still just gone. I just don't get how the rug I "bought" could be out of stock. Not even 24 hrs had elapsed.
@HJMorgan Omg! I've totally been craving meatloaf! I still can't stand eggs though so I'm trying to either bribe DH into helping me make it or find a substitute. He thinks it's my weirdest craving yet. Never mind when I ate an entire jar of banana peppers in three days (right before my BFP).
@HJMorgan hahaha exactly! You have the right idea, though. It so isn't worth the drama. You're wise to focus on other things (now you've got me craving meatloaf) because, at the end of the day, our families are still our families... even if they suck sometimes!
Ladies. I need your help. I'm about to lose my sh*t on some poor insurance call center person.
Ridiculousness #1 being charged incorrectly: For each of my previous 5 prenatal visits, my health provider has submitted the claim as an "doctors office visit - OBGYN" NOT a prenatal. My prenatal visits are covered 100% while my OBGYN visits are considered "specialists" so I'm being charged the highest co-pay. Luckily, I caught this after my first visit but it still hasn't stopped them from submitting an incorrect claim for EVERY SINGLE visit I've had.
Ridiculousness #2 my health insurance deeming the majority of my pregnancy as NOT prenatal. When the literal meaning of prenatal is "relating to pregnant women and their unborn babies":Well now my insurance says that they consider "prenatal" 0-3 months pregnant, and after that it is considered "maternity" (because having a child in your uterus somehow equals the child to already being born?). So although I'm still pregnant, my "maternity" care now falls under the prenatal part of my benefits. Because that makes sense.
Ugh failed the three hour glucose test so not only did I starve all morning and have a very settled stomach all day now they are gonna put me on a freaked diet. All after the week with a freak stabbing incident while at my normal checkup. Can this week just be over. How is it that I start this pregnancy at ten pounds less than my last and am still gained less then 20 lbs and somehow I have managed to accomplish gd oh hell I am just pissed.
Re: Monday Bitchfest (11/7)
Maybe tell your MIL to call her and offer some ideas about the games? Perhaps she's the kind of person who doesn't ask for help or denies help because idk they don't wanna be troublesome or bossy? Maybe she just needs someone like your MIL to step in and help without actually offering it.
Me: 33 DH: 38 Married: 1/10/15
1st Pregnancy EDD: 1/1/17 Born 1/10/17 Team Green turned Blue!
2nd Pregnancy EDD: 11/6/18 Born 11/09/18 Baby Boy!
3rd Pregnancy EDD: 12/?/21
Children are like casseroles; it takes a lot to mess them up.
@ashanne88 I've been trying to ask if MIL has been helping out just to see if she's doing this all on her own or what's going on, but she won't respond to my questions, which is why I feel she's cut the offers of help out. And I've told her I would help if she needs it, which I don't mind one bit, but I do mind having to do it as a result of her complaining about being overwhelmed the week before it's supposed to take place. If she had approached me and said she bit off more than she can chew, I'd still be a little peeved, but I'd be more appreciative that she asked for help.
Side note: She was going to plan her own house warming party for this Saturday until I said that she was doing way too much with my shower being next Saturday. She was seriously considering throwing 2 big parties in two weekends with minimal time to plan both.
Me: 33 DH: 38 Married: 1/10/15
1st Pregnancy EDD: 1/1/17 Born 1/10/17 Team Green turned Blue!
2nd Pregnancy EDD: 11/6/18 Born 11/09/18 Baby Boy!
3rd Pregnancy EDD: 12/?/21
Children are like casseroles; it takes a lot to mess them up.
I spoke to my aunt about it today (because she had been dragged into it) and she said that my cousin told her that she was PMSing and knew that she was wrong but was just "really hurt by me." I held my tongue but was thinking “uhhhhxcuse me?” Super-pregnant, hormonal, swollen blob woman here, and I managed not to turn it into a finger-pointing, name-calling cluster.
Her plan has been to do EVERYTHING this weekend, despite the fact we are both supposed to be taking our other friends' kids all day Saturday so they can have a date day and the fact that up until last week, she was going to have her housewarming party this Saturday. Then she said the reason she hasn't done anything is because she doesn't know what the venue looks like. We've been talking about this venue for months (my neighborhood's clubhouse); she could have asked all these sudden questions any time before and come over to look at it herself. DH asked her if she's so overwhelmed, he could have MIL take over. She said she'd feel like she let us down if she does that...but I'm already pretty let down. She's had 6 months to come up with plans for the shower & over a month since we officially booked the venue & confirmed the date & time, but she's only giving my shower one day's worth of thought & time? I don't know if I should be pissed, hurt, depressed, or what. I'd never do this to her.
Me: 33 DH: 38 Married: 1/10/15
1st Pregnancy EDD: 1/1/17 Born 1/10/17 Team Green turned Blue!
2nd Pregnancy EDD: 11/6/18 Born 11/09/18 Baby Boy!
3rd Pregnancy EDD: 12/?/21
Children are like casseroles; it takes a lot to mess them up.
Me: 33 DH: 38 Married: 1/10/15
1st Pregnancy EDD: 1/1/17 Born 1/10/17 Team Green turned Blue!
2nd Pregnancy EDD: 11/6/18 Born 11/09/18 Baby Boy!
3rd Pregnancy EDD: 12/?/21
Children are like casseroles; it takes a lot to mess them up.
Me: 33 DH: 38 Married: 1/10/15
1st Pregnancy EDD: 1/1/17 Born 1/10/17 Team Green turned Blue!
2nd Pregnancy EDD: 11/6/18 Born 11/09/18 Baby Boy!
3rd Pregnancy EDD: 12/?/21
Children are like casseroles; it takes a lot to mess them up.
BFP1 12/24/14 - EDD 09/07/15 (D/C 8w1d)
BFP2 6/12/15 - EDD 2/22/16 (D/C 10w3d)
———
Diagnoses and Treatments
PCOS (myo-inositol, excercize)
Indeterminant levels of APS IgM antibodies (baby aspirin)
Sub-septate uterus (hysteroscopic septoplasty 12/18/15)
———
BFP3 05/02/16 EDD 01/09/17 DS born 01/05/17
BFP4 01/28/19 EDD 10/?/19 🤞🙏
I always try and place their hand in the spot rather than just allow people to out hands on me.
2. my mom who is an addict decided NOW would be a good time to relapse. so bye bye any help during or after delivery with anything including DS. she's my only family. sounds selfish but she relapses a lot it's getting old and my compassion towards the situation is dwindling...
Woooooow..... seriously, PMSing? You're going to use the PMSing excuse against a women in her THIRD TRIMESTER? Ok then. LOL
I think I've decided to just give people a pass for the next week or so. Because there is soooo much hate being thrown around. One side of my family is Pro-Trump, one side in completely anti-Trump. And both are extremely passionate and all friends with each other on FB.... I'm staying out of it and not saying a word regarding the election. Good or bad. I'm just over here like "Meatloaf sounds really good, super craving meatloaf here.....who wants meatloaf?"
Lol
Ridiculousness #1 being charged incorrectly: For each of my previous 5 prenatal visits, my health provider has submitted the claim as an "doctors office visit - OBGYN" NOT a prenatal. My prenatal visits are covered 100% while my OBGYN visits are considered "specialists" so I'm being charged the highest co-pay. Luckily, I caught this after my first visit but it still hasn't stopped them from submitting an incorrect claim for EVERY SINGLE visit I've had.
Ridiculousness #2 my health insurance deeming the majority of my pregnancy as NOT prenatal. When the literal meaning of prenatal is "relating to pregnant women and their unborn babies": Well now my insurance says that they consider "prenatal" 0-3 months pregnant, and after that it is considered "maternity" (because having a child in your uterus somehow equals the child to already being born?). So although I'm still pregnant, my "maternity" care now falls under the prenatal part of my benefits. Because that makes sense.
@AlicjaB Thanks!
@kelseyh62 I asked to speak to another rep and they said the same thing. I will try calling back though because that is so weird.