Babyshower talk

mudderbear · November 2016

I think the envelope thing is freaking genius. What is the difference between just writing your f-ing address for me or me having to text/email you in a week to find out your address and you having to text/email it back. For gods sake just fucking write it down for me holy crap

sarahmsoda · November 2016

Having been someone who generally sucks at sending out thank you letters (half my DHs family never ended up with wedding invites or thank yous (obviously received both in person though) because we never had current addresses) I think the idea is clever. It doesn't have to be on an envelope but even just in a guest book or something can be really helpful. I have moved at least 3 times since most of my friends got married and it's super frustrating chasing down current addresses especially seeing we likely won't use them again because who actually sends mail anymore...

I think this is an issue we can all agree to disagree on and is totally up to the host and moms discretion. I have filled in envelopes at weddings and never even gave it a second thought... So not everyone would be offended especially not close friends or family

Briala · November 2016

Am I one of the few who don't bother with Thank you cards? I'm not having a shower this time around it's too much of a bother in the hospital. But it's never been a big deal to me. I say thank you and how much I appreciate the gift and I see them in person afterwards generally and say thanks again. The cards just get thrown out anyways. If I get something from someone I don't see much I call and say thanks. Granted I have a large extended family and we tend to be casual about these things. I don't get offended if someone doesn't send me a card after a gathering it's an old tradition and not everyone pays attention to that sort of thing.

BumpasaurusRex · November 2016

So it's cool to track down their address to send them an invitation but not cool enough to track it down to write their address on an envelope? Makes sense.

Or the host could do her job and provide the addresses for you since, technically, she's the one who is sending out the invites.

mommywesley · November 2016

Really? Writing your address is a huge etiquette snafu? Seriously?! for Pete's sake we live in a culture that communicates 99% online ( yes I'm exaggerating ) and hardly anyone I know keeps address books aside my grandmother. Wow. I just can't get over how utterly insane this sounds. Older people in the family, sure I can understand them huffing about it, but the vast population?! I don't know any of my families addresses let alone extended family or friends...

mudderbear · November 2016

BumpasaurusRex said:

So it's cool to track down their address to send them an invitation but not cool enough to track it down to write their address on an envelope? Makes sense.

Or the host could do her job and provide the addresses for you since, technically, she's the one who is sending out the invites.

Since it's 2016 and not 1995 most people send invites through Facebook or an email invitation site....so no one has address books anymore

mommywesley · November 2016

Yeah, the last time I got an invitation in the mail was for a Wedding. Birthdays and Showers are hand delivered or strictly on FB/ evite

Kurtni · November 2016

Yeah let's criticize the host who was nice enough to throw and pay for the shower, because that must be great etiquette. How dare she not also give you an address book!

BumpasaurusRex · November 2016

Being 2016 doesn't mean it's okay to make your guests address their own envelopes.

I'm curious, why are so many people against addressing envelopes? Why make your guests do what you should be doing?

mudderbear · November 2016

BumpasaurusRex said:

Being 2016 doesn't mean it's okay to make your guests address their own envelopes.

I'm curious, why are so many people against addressing envelopes? Why make your guests do what you should be doing?

No one said they were against doing it, it's just a freaking genius idea.

nolemomma14 · November 2016

We're talking about addressing an envelope, not writing their own thank you notes, or asking them to stay after the shower to clean up and set up whatever gift they got you.

Sure everyone's etiquette is different but I can't imagine getting so bent out of shape about it. If it really bothers you don't address the envelope and show that mom to be how ridiculous her request is.

canavara · November 2016

mudderbear said:

BumpasaurusRex said:

So it's cool to track down their address to send them an invitation but not cool enough to track it down to write their address on an envelope? Makes sense.

Or the host could do her job and provide the addresses for you since, technically, she's the one who is sending out the invites.

Since it's 2016 and not 1995 most people send invites through Facebook or an email invitation site....so no one has address books anymore

This. My shower hosts definitely do not have the address of a majority of the people invited. They have e-mail addresses. Which is totally reasonable and really, more convenient for people invited. Meanwhile, I still want to send personal "thank you"s in the mail but getting addresses has nothing to do with my shower hosts at that point.

ETA: I think it's kind of weird to contact someone after your shower and be like "hey what's your address, I need it to send you a thank you card." We live in an age where we've advanced some of our social processes to digitalization while some aspects are still analog. There's going to be some awkwardness here and there until people completely stop sending thank you cards via postal mail.

hjmorgan-2 · November 2016

I don't think everyone is against writing addresses. Everyone is against a high-and-mighty stranger sticking their nose up at an innocent suggestion. Is everyone going to have an address station at their shower? No. Will some people have it? Maybe. And that should be fine. You can disagree, but you don't have to be so stuck up about it. You're obviously not a guest at their shower, so who cares?

This started out as a suggestion to help a mom-to-be do MORE for her guests (sending the baby's photo after birth). You turned it into this huge deal

TinaBelcher · November 2016

Our shower was 2 weeks ago and *my host* had envelopes at every place setting for guests to write their addresses, like you'd see at just about any other type of shower in the Midwest, AND provided my "lazy" ass with stamps.

THIS pregnant with twins while juggling 20x the appointments of a singleton pregnancy and still working more than full time in upper management was extremely grateful for the convenience *Removed for TOU Violation*

KRB22 · November 2016

I'm with @BumpasaurusRex here. I don't think it's appropriate to ask guests to address envelopes at the shower. It is most definitely not proper etiquette. I also think it reinforces the whole gift grabby premise that showers have become. Yes, I know the norm is to bring gifts to showers, but I think actually placing an envelope in front of a guest is a bit presumptuous. While it may be well-intentioned on the part of the hostess, I think the idea is a little misguided.

I also feel strongly that thank you cards should be sent out in a timely manner, ideally within 1-2 weeks of when the gift is received. And they should absolutely be personal. Might be an UO but it really irks me when I don't receive a thank you card for a wedding gift until months later, whether it's because the couple was waiting to have photo cards printed or simply because they didn't get around to it.

@canavara not sure if you know where you're going to order birth announcements from, but a lot of online sites will include envelope addressing with the order, often at no extra charge. If you can get the addresses into excel you can usually upload them in bulk from there, and/or can print them onto labels yourself

ETA: clearly the above is an UO around here, so I'll just leave it at that.

stumptownmama · November 2016

Addressing your own envelope is not bad ettiquette in my circle. I don't request it, nor do I mind if it happens at my shower. However, I am the one who gathers addresses and provides them for the hostess to send out invitations. I already have all the addresses of close friends and family for Christmas cards and thank you notes, so I don't mind addressing my own. In fact, I do prefer addressing my own bc not everyone will do it at a shower or have terrible handwriting and I'm a little OCD.

However, what anyone else chooses to do is a) not my problem b) really pointless to even give any amount of time thinking about and c) not a debatable topic. Who even cares?

cjs260 · November 2016

hjmorgan-2 · November 2016

ETA: clearly the above is an UO around here, so I'll just leave it at that.

@KRB22
Agreed.

hjmorgan-2 · November 2016

Oops, totally read that as 'UO argument' meaning for the UO thread and not this one.
Didn't mean for that to seem snarky. lol

rdh33 · November 2016

I was at a shower a couple months ago and the topic of thank you cards came up. We all decided on the spot that we (gasp!) didn't care if the mom sent us thank you cards. This was during the gift opening, no less! The horror!

Side note: I've been to plenty of showers (and might have hosted one!) where guests filled out their envelopes. I didn't think twice about it and probably (I can't remember now, because this is about the most minor thing to worry about) thought -- cool. This will help out my friend WHO I LIKE.

newyearsbaby5 · November 2016

I wanted to ask this question, but now I'm scared. But i'll ask it anyways.

Someone sent me a gift already and can't come to my shower (my aunt is keeping the RSVPs so she told me). Do I send her a thank you card ASAP? Or do I pretend I don't know she can't come to my shower and include in the note "we're so sorry you couldn't be at the shower!" and send it right afterwards? What about the people who sent gifts already and I have no idea if they're coming to the shower or not because they didn't RSVP yet?

ETA I know most people bring the gifts with them to the shower, but a few people who sent gifts told me they were coming, but maybe just don't want to deal with bringing it and they know I hate opening presents in front of a group.

BumpasaurusRex · November 2016

HJMorgan said:

I don't think everyone is against writing addresses. Everyone is against a high-and-mighty stranger sticking their nose up at an innocent suggestion. Is everyone going to have an address station at their shower? No. Will some people have it? Maybe. And that should be fine. You can disagree, but you don't have to be so stuck up about it. You're obviously not a guest at their shower, so who cares?

This started out as a suggestion to help a mom-to-be do MORE for her guests (sending the baby's photo after birth). You turned it into this huge deal

And I suggested not doing that because it's rude. If you or anyone else took offense to that, that's on you. I don't see how offering a different perspective is "stuck up."

We can agree to disagree on this.

christac1010 · November 2016

@newyearsbaby5 I've received a few gifts but I'm in a similar position where I don't know if the people will be at my shower or not (given my situation, last week my mom asked for heavy/bulky gifts to be sent directly to my house). I'm just going to wait until after the shower and send all the thank yous at once. I don't think people will mind. ... maybe I'm wrong after reading some of these responses though.

LoneStar21416 · November 2016

@newyearsbaby5 I waited until after my shower to send all notes. Anything I got in the mail early I didn't even touch until it got closer to the date of the shower anyway. Then, about a week before the shower, I opened whatever I got in the mail and started making my list so I could acknowledge it at the shower and thank them during the gift opening. I don't think you need to send a note right away in this type of situation. I had people send gifts that were coming and that weren't coming to the actual shower. I didn't have the running list of RSVPs either. I generally included something in my note about missing them at the event if they couldn't make it.

KRB22 · November 2016

@newyearsbaby5 if the gifts are sent with the shower in mind, but ahead of the actual party, I think it's ok to send the thank you note after the shower. You can then either say "we missed you" or "I'm so happy you could celebrate with me" depending on whether the person attends.

It's also totally fine to send the thank you note when you receive the gift / before the shower.

@HJMorgan no worries!

mommywesley · November 2016

I'm sorry there are lots of things that some people consider 'rude' but others do not. You did not just suggest that it was rude, but continued to insist that it was so even when countless of us backed up the fact that in OUR circle of family/friends it would be welcomed and not considered rude. As if everyone in our circle are clueless to the fact that they are missing out on taking offense to something...

Had you just said you considered it to be rude/tacky like MANY people think showers for 2nd + babies is rude/tacky, and LEFT it at that. That it was your opinion, and perhaps the op should consider that in her decision making process, but everyone has different opinions so to each their own; then it wouldn't have came across as such a blatant attack on each and every one of us who do NOT find it rude or tacky at all.

hjmorgan-2 · November 2016

newyearsbaby5 said:

I wanted to ask this question, but now I'm scared. But i'll ask it anyways.

Someone sent me a gift already and can't come to my shower (my aunt is keeping the RSVPs so she told me). Do I send her a thank you card ASAP? Or do I pretend I don't know she can't come to my shower and include in the note "we're so sorry you couldn't be at the shower!" and send it right afterwards? What about the people who sent gifts already and I have no idea if they're coming to the shower or not because they didn't RSVP yet?

ETA I know most people bring the gifts with them to the shower, but a few people who sent gifts told me they were coming, but maybe just don't want to deal with bringing it and they know I hate opening presents in front of a group.

@newyearsbaby5
I would send it out the same time as the other cards, unless you're shower is still pretty far away. like if your shower is next month I would probably send them one now. But if it's in a couple weeks then I'd wait.

shlecks · November 2016

@BumpasaurusRex Oh NOW it's ok to agree to disagree. Ok.

raquel87 · November 2016

I also don't see a problem with having people address an envelope. It is optional, they don't Have to do it. Also what I consider poor etiquette is trying to insist an opinion onto someone else and their social circle. Poster graciously heard said advice, and agreed to disagree. To continue to reiterate your opinion that multiple people have already said they don't agree with and then to say it is " tacky and rude" is poor etiquette in my opinion. Which is all any of this really is "someone's opinion".

newyearsbaby5 · November 2016

@christac1010 @LoneStar21416 @KRB22 thank you for the advice!!

for my wedding shower, my friend sent me a gift early and I sent the TY note ASAP and then she got mad at me because she was coming to the shower and told me not to open it yet. selfishly, I knew she was coming to the shower, but it was a food processor and I couldn't wait any longer to make hummus so I took my chances

since i have no use for these gifts yet, I wasn't sure what the protocol was. I think you're right in that it's fine either way for the ones I know about. my shower still isn't for a few weeks (Thanksgiving weekend) so I feel weird waiting that long to write a TY note. Oh well.

ashanne88 · November 2016

newyearsbaby5 said:

@christac1010 @LoneStar21416 @KRB22 thank you for the advice!!

for my wedding shower, my friend sent me a gift early and I sent the TY note ASAP and then she got mad at me because she was coming to the shower and told me not to open it yet. selfishly, I knew she was coming to the shower, but it was a food processor and I couldn't wait any longer to make hummus so I took my chances since i have no use for these gifts yet, I wasn't sure what the protocol was. I think you're right in that it's fine either way for the ones I know about. my shower still isn't for a few weeks (Thanksgiving weekend) so I feel weird waiting that long to write a TY note. Oh well.

The bolded made me laugh. I can completely relate!

emy730 · November 2016

BumpasaurusRex said:

Being 2016 doesn't mean it's okay to make your guests address their own envelopes.

I'm curious, why are so many people against addressing envelopes? Why make your guests do what you should be doing?

I'm sorry, but if this is the biggest issue in your life, you need more to worry about. Who the hell cares how an address ends up on an envelope?

colleenkevin · November 2016

BumpasaurusRex said:

HJMorgan said:

I don't think everyone is against writing addresses. Everyone is against a high-and-mighty stranger sticking their nose up at an innocent suggestion. Is everyone going to have an address station at their shower? No. Will some people have it? Maybe. And that should be fine. You can disagree, but you don't have to be so stuck up about it. You're obviously not a guest at their shower, so who cares?

This started out as a suggestion to help a mom-to-be do MORE for her guests (sending the baby's photo after birth). You turned it into this huge deal

And I suggested not doing that because it's rude. If you or anyone else took offense to that, that's on you. I don't see how offering a different perspective is "stuck up."

We can agree to disagree on this.

Based on the fact that you keep.coming.back I find this hard to believe. It will be nice if you now stop hammering your opinion down people's throats, though.

aishmc · November 2016

@newyearsbaby5 I feel it with the food processor! We put one on our baby registry for making baby food, and opened it right away when it arrived. I wanted soup and I'm feeding the baby so it's justified.

nolemama24 · November 2016

Bless your heart! I would seriously hate to see how you handle bigger problems! What is said on this board are people's own personal opinions--- it's not Bible and it doesn't HAVE to be done. If you don't like the idea of asking your guests to supply their own address at your party, then don't ask them to do it. Also, personally, I like the idea. I loved the suggestion of having kind of like a guest book situation.

Had to edit because TB ate my post.

susykat77 · November 2016

It had never crossed my mind to have people address their own envelopes... it is brilliant and I am stealing it! My friends who are hosting my shower chose to send out Evites so I do not have everyone's addresses. At the very least, I'll have a guest book and ask guests to write down their physical addresses.

And honestly I don't give an eff if you think it is rude or not. If you don't want to write down your address then don't - I'll just call you and ask for it but if you can get off your high horse and write it down then I'd really appreciate the 5 seconds of your time.

lindaisy86 · November 2016

I first saw the "address your own envelope" at a baby shower a few years ago. I thought it was genius then and still do to the point that I insisted my mother and aunt do it at the shower they are hosting for me. Most of the invites were hand delivered and I don't have a lot of the addresses on file anyway. I remember receiving the thank you card a month or two later; I could tell the envelope was in my writing but I had forgotten about the shower. At first it scared the hell out of me because I couldn't remember writing myself a letter...was it an alternate me? My hubby and I had a good laugh when I opened it and realized what had happened

vssbrm · November 2016

So I've been to showers in Grosse Point, Michigan - which I would imagine is just a ettiquite-centric as the south - where every detail is scrutinized, where I filled out my own envelope. I thought it was a great idea! Her bridesmaids made a request to the guests to do this, not the bride or the hosts.

In my family this is a no-go. I think you just have to know your audience!

For my baby shower, my sister in-law offered to do the invitations for my mom, who is hosting the shower. My mom and I put the guest list together together - the shower is family and friends. I typed all the guests and their contact info into a google doc sheet where we also coordinated the RSVPs - my mom revived a bunch of them, most of my friends told me they were coming and then asked if the should still call to RSVP, and most people RSVP'ed to my SIL. Google docs are the best!!

There are many easy ways to get addresses if you need them, yes some may take extra effort, but really I don't think this is worth such a heated debate! Whatever is acceptable in your circle, go with it! It's really not much different from when you used to write your address in a guest book at weddings!

therealfrizzle · November 2016

Late to the drama, but I really gotta say

1. We are welcoming to anyone here in Jan. 17. We are not, however, welcoming to a random drive by acting holier than thou about something as petty as addressing a flipping envelope.

2. If you find it tacky, don't fill it out. But don't expect a thank you card either. I cohosted a bridal shower & the other girl decided to do this. I was too busy to fill out an envelope & never received a thank you card. But the bride to be had so many things to juggle that I didn't really care.

3. I've had a fairly difficult pregnancy & I know others here have had it worse and something as small as having people preaddress their envelopes can make a big difference when you're brain is so clouded you're mismatching shoes and pouring salt into your coffee.

Man, I wish I weren't on mobile. I really feel like there's the perfect gif to end this with out there in the interwebs.

shlecks · November 2016

Here you go @PMForbie

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