Babyshower talk

canavara

@urbanorchidgirl That cake is so cute! Was the diaper tower thing something you requested/knew about in advance? I'm terrified people are going to for some reason give us disposable diapers since we're CDing and haven't really shared that info with anyone

ETA: Reading this thread is giving me serious anxiety. Our shower is this coming Sunday and only 2 people have bought anything from our Amazon registry. I'm now terrified that people (namely family members who aren't as crunchy as we are) are going to show up with disposable diapers, diaper creams that aren't cloth diaper safe, or other things that we don't want/need.

cjs260

@canavara The disposable diaper thing was my biggest fear, too. It didn't happen at my family shower, but they did give some diaper cream that we will only be able to use with either a liner or a disposable. H's paternal side is practically anti-crunchy, and even they gave me a packet of cloth wipes. 

We had some awkward present opening time, when I opened up my 5th present containing the exact same set of washcloths. We had several people go off registry, so we have several things we had to return - 32 washcloths is too many, haha. But a lot of people did stick with the registry. Some things weren't taken off the registry itself, though. So just be prepared to update it afterwards, especially if you're having another shower. 

andrawrmeda2

With my son, only 3 people got anything I had on my regestries. And they all got something different. Most of what I got was creams, bath stuff and diapers/wipes. With my fiances sides shower, we got alot of blankets and things for when he was older, like bigger clothes/toys and books and such. I figure with this one, since we're waiting til she's here a d we hopefully have a house, I'll just write up a small list of things she'll need then and see what we get. Personally, I wouldn't worry too much about the regestries, like I told alot of my friends/family, most of what I had on them were suggestions or ideas for what I liked, they didn't have to get the exact same thing. Most of my friends were already mom's so they got what they remembered using most. 

canavara

cjs260 said:

We had some awkward present opening time, when I opened up my 5th present containing the exact same set of washcloths. We had several people go off registry, so we have several things we had to return - 32 washcloths is too many, haha.

That is crazy if they went off registry haha. Hopefully you had gift receipts!

My fiancee tried to make me feel better about the disposable diaper possibility, reminding me that we could always return to get things we do need or if people are dumb enough to give diapers without receipts, that we could just donate them to a shelter right behind our house that takes in a lot of domestic violence victims and their young children. Definitely a silver lining.

hjmorgan-2

BAJDesigns said:

Any one else getting super nervous as their shower approaches? I have been watching my registries like a hawk and only 2 things have been purchased, and the shower is next weekend! Have the rest of you FTM been more prepared at setting aside $ to buy all the stuff you need? My mom kept telling me not to buy anything other than nursery furniture before the showers, but now I'm worried we'll have to spend a big chunk all at once!

@BAJDesigns
Same here. Nothing on my registry has been bought... lol. But I'm not too worried. My wedding registry was the same way, but once we actually opened the gifts people got us it was a lot. We basically furnished our whole apartment with gifts and gift cards. Even if you don't get a lot of what you need, what gives me peace is that the holidays has toooons of deals. You may need to spread out your shopping over November and December.
We haven't even bought furniture yet, so we literally have 'nothing' except and few packs of diapers. lol

hjmorgan-2

@urbanorchidgirl
Omg I love your cake! Super cute!!

jsl82

My mom threw my shower on the 23rd and I didn't send the invites until the 14th.  I was no nervous watching my registries that no one was coming and nothing was going to be bought.  We did get a few of the big items we needed/wanted from DH's mom (who probably has bought so much she will need to re-mortgage her house).  The rest of my family went shopping the days leading up to the shower or didn't buy off the registry or gave us gift cards.  We got A LOT of clothes (mostly newborn so we have to decide what to keep and what to exchange for a larger size).  I feel like with baby showers more than bridal showers people do not always go off the registry- they buy stuff they loved with their kids or they buy newborn clothing.  

My MIL's shower for us is this weekend and nothing has been purchased from the registry since my mom's shower.  I know we are getting a lot of books- because she did the book instead of a card idea.  But I'm expecting to have to exchange a lot of clothes after this weekend AND I will still need to buy a bulk of the stuff we wanted/needed.  Luckily one of the benefits of having a January baby is that when Black Friday/Cyber Monday deals come out we should know what we still need.  I am expecting to have to buy the swing and pack and play along- but will be either using gift cards with sale prices or waiting until the 20% completion discount for these items.  Just remember babies don't need much- most of the stuff on our registry can be bought over time.  

urbanorchidgirl

@canavara my friend did the diaper cake, which is fine with me because we are doing disposable nappies! Kudos to those of you doing cloth, but I ain't got time for that shit! Lololol. If you do get one you could probably find someone who could use them! Just donate them.

aishmc

My shower was this past Saturday.

@BAJDesigns I had an Amazon registry and was checking daily to see what was being purchased so I could budget for the rest. I actually ended up getting items that were on the registry, but purchased elsewhere since I guess people like shopping for baby things? I was trying to save money by going the Amazon route vs BRU.

I found that some people are like eff your registry, I'm getting you x,y,z. We're CDing and I got 3 packs of diapers. I got 3 Boppy BFing pillows (I registered for the My Brest Friend and received that too). I made sure not to register for clothes at all and am so glad because even without asking for clothes, I have a MOUNTAIN of NB, 3 mo, and 6 mo clothes.  I'm returning some of this stuff to get what I really need.

Lots of people just gave us Amazon gift cards or cash, which was definitely appreciated too.  I was freaking out last Thursday and adding up the cost of the remaining items to budget them, but it was pointless until after the shower.  

nolemomma14

@canavara hopefully you don't get many disposable diapers, but returning them is definitely an option, and even though we use cloth I usually like to keep a box of disposables on hand. Our family is very supportive of us using cloth but when they watch DS I always let them know there are disposables if they would prefer to use those while they watch him. My husband also prefers disposable for night times. 

fionnualajane

Baby shower etiquette is a bit different here in the UK. In fact,  it doesn't really exist as we don't really do them here. My sister in law was appalled that I was going to have one and "force people to buy me things". I just wanted a no fuss girly get together and my best friend leaped at the opportunity to organise it. We had it on Saturday and it was lovely. Small,  intimate but with lots of games and some yummy food. I was bought a few small items and everyone went home happy. 

Knottie1443924966

My shower is in two weeks and my lovely SIL is organizing it. I haven't looked at the registries but to be honest I only created them for the free swag and the discount coupon for myself at the end. I'm kind of prepared to buy 99% of everything we will need for the baby.

I just want one afternoon where all the women who are close to me come and celebrate the baby. Talk about future motherhood and prepare me for the future. They are my tribe.

I feel really weird about the whole gift giving process so we didn't mention my registries on the invites.

Just looking for a good memory to chat, eat, laugh and drink tea with some great gals.

canavara

Yeah they feel a bit weird to me too in some sense. We already bought a large majority of the things we need and people acted like we were crazy for it. I mostly worry about what people are buying only in the sense that I don't want people to be wasteful, although some amusement has come from it. We primarily had an Amazon registry because I wanted the 15% completion discount (which we finally got today and ordered our crib and mattress with, woooo) but when my cousin and aunt offered to organize a shower I figured "I may as well set up a registry at a brick and mortar store too for anyone that's old-fashioned..." so I set one up on Buy Buy Baby. My cousin never linked to it anywhere in the shower invite though, so as far as I could tell, no one ever saw it.

Fast-forward to today, a Fedex delivery truck shows up with a box from Buy Buy Baby. Inside is a Baby Bjorn. From my fiancee's aunt, who wasn't even invited to the baby shower. I don't even know how she found the registry, so weird! Thankful, but kind of weirded out over it.

Question for those who are mailing out "thank you" cards for your baby shower: Are you sending them out immediately after the shower? I was thinking about waiting to send mine out as a combination baby announcement with a newborn picture + thank you card since I'll be 32 weeks at the shower. But I'm not sure if it's 1) Tacky to combine those two things 2) Weird to wait that long to send out a thank you card.

LoneStar21416

@canavara I sent out my thank yous almost immediately. My shower was on the early side because I had to travel cross country for it. I felt like I wanted to do it quickly because most people sent us gifts well in advance of the shower (since we were traveling). I acknowledged all the gifts we got via mail at the actual shower, but I just felt like it needed to happen sooner rather than later. I just wanted to get it done before too much other craziness set in with preparation. I feel like you could wait to send it out with a newborn announcement, but I'd definitely write out all the cards now and have them ready to go, as I'm sure the last thing you'll be wanting to do with a newborn is physically hand write a bunch of cards. Stuffing pre-addressed envelopes with the photo and the pre-written card wouldn't be too hard though.  

canavara

@LoneStar21416 Good point about not wanting to write cards after. I had already hand addressed everything and was going to write the cards out after the shower and then use some service to print the announcements and stuff them in and mail them out but even thinking about a trip to the post office after birth sounds exhausting, haha.

hjmorgan-2

@canavara I think sooner is better. (Although I'm  one to talk, it took me 6 months to send out our wedding 'thank you' cards.... lol)
Also I agree with @lonestar21416 , you wont want to be filling out cards with a newborn. lol. I actually saw a cute set up for the baby shower on pinterest to help with addresses:

MamaandNurse

For my baby shower with DD1, I sent thank you's out immediately. And anything that came in the mail before or after, I sent one right away as well. I figured it was something I would probably forget to do later.

This time, my MIL is throwing me a small sprinkle. I'm not expecting many gifts (but hoping for diapers!) but whatever we do get will get a thank you within a week or so of the event. All I wanted to do after the babe was born was snuggle with her.

BumpasaurusRex

HJMorgan said:

@canavara I think sooner is better. (Although I'm  one to talk, it took me 6 months to send out our wedding 'thank you' cards.... lol)
Also I agree with @lonestar21416 , you wont want to be filling out cards with a newborn. lol. I actually saw a cute set up for the baby shower on pinterest to help with addresses:

Please don't have your guests address their own thank-you card envelope.  They took the time to celebrate with you and spent money and thought on your gift.

At the very least, the mom-to-be can write addresses on freaking envelopes.

jsl82

@canavara my first shower was on the 23rd of October and I only have another 7 cards I need to write out.  I wanted them all done before my second shower this weekend.  I want to have all of those cards send out around 2 weeks after.  I feel like there is still so much left to do that I really don't want to have to be thinking about thank you cards as we are setting up for baby- or if she comes early.  If you want to wait to send them with a photo of baby I think most baby shower guests would love the picture.  It's a really cute idea.  Since baby is due around the holidays we will combine the birth announcement with the holiday cards.  

hjmorgan-2

BumpasaurusRex said:

HJMorgan said:

@canavara I think sooner is better. (Although I'm  one to talk, it took me 6 months to send out our wedding 'thank you' cards.... lol)
Also I agree with @lonestar21416 , you wont want to be filling out cards with a newborn. lol. I actually saw a cute set up for the baby shower on pinterest to help with addresses:

Please don't have your guests address their own thank-you card envelope.  They took the time to celebrate with you and spent money and thought on your gift.

At the very least, the mom-to-be can write addresses on freaking envelopes.

@BumpasaurusRex Personally I'm not doing this, I have plenty of time before my due date to send out the cards, but I don't think it's a bad idea. I would not think anything of the mother-to-be if I was asked to address an envelope. For someone like Canavara, who would like to send a picture of the baby along with the thank you card (which people would LOVE) but may think twice about it due to time constraints and having a new born. Why not? But to each their own. Several people in my family suggested this to me because they thought it was cute and would help me out, so not everyone would be quit so offended.

BumpasaurusRex

HJMorgan said:

BumpasaurusRex said:

HJMorgan said:

@canavara I think sooner is better. (Although I'm  one to talk, it took me 6 months to send out our wedding 'thank you' cards.... lol)
Also I agree with @lonestar21416 , you wont want to be filling out cards with a newborn. lol. I actually saw a cute set up for the baby shower on pinterest to help with addresses:

Please don't have your guests address their own thank-you card envelope.  They took the time to celebrate with you and spent money and thought on your gift.

At the very least, the mom-to-be can write addresses on freaking envelopes.

@BumpasaurusRex Personally I'm not doing this, I have plenty of time before my due date to send out the cards, but I don't think it's a bad idea. I would not think anything of the mother-to-be if I was asked to address an envelope. For someone like Canavara, who would like to send a picture of the baby along with the thank you card (which people would LOVE) but may think twice about it due to time constraints and having a new born. Why not? But to each their own. Several people in my family suggested this to me because they thought it was cute and would help me out, so not everyone would be quit so offended.

Not saying you would do this but I find it to be incredibly tacky and rude.  Why not have guests just write their own thank you cards, too?

To say that a mom-to-be simply doesn't have the time to write out addresses on envelopes implies that her time is more valuable and precious than others.  That she got gifts and can't even be bothered to address envelopes.  I mean, that's a stretch.  We're pregnant, not handicapped.  Yes, a newborn does take up a chunk of time but writing addresses on envelopes isn't rocket science and doesn't require hours of time.

I would be absolutely offended if I went to a shower of any kind and was asked to address my own thank-you card envelope.

canavara

LilLynch2015 said:

@canavara my first shower was on the 23rd of October and I only have another 7 cards I need to write out.  I wanted them all done before my second shower this weekend.  I want to have all of those cards send out around 2 weeks after.  I feel like there is still so much left to do that I really don't want to have to be thinking about thank you cards as we are setting up for baby- or if she comes early.  If you want to wait to send them with a photo of baby I think most baby shower guests would love the picture.  It's a really cute idea.  Since baby is due around the holidays we will combine the birth announcement with the holiday cards.  

Yeah this was kind of my thinking! I already addressed all the envelopes and will write all the "thank you" notes immediately after my shower to get that out of the way, but I just don't feel like sitting down and doing a second set of addressing envelopes for separate birth announcements... there's just so much going on, that I was thinking "why not wait to send them later, and just put the announcement in the same envelope so I'm not overburdened"

BumpasaurusRex

They have label templates (I think Wilton is a brand that carries them) where you literally download their template, type in the addresses, and then you can print the labels out.  You can save a copy on your desktop and print anytime you need to send out cards.  

hjmorgan-2

@BumpasaurusRex
Everyone is different, and so are the guests at each shower. My family wouldn't care, yours would be offended. It's up to the host to decide whether it's appropriate or not.

BumpasaurusRex

HJMorgan said:

@BumpasaurusRex
Everyone is different, and so are the guests at each shower. My family wouldn't care, yours would be offended. It's up to the host to decide whether it's appropriate or not.

While I agree that every group is different, a host should follow the general rules of etiquette.  Because unless every person who will be in attendance is asked, you can't know for sure if everyone would be okay with it.

Thats why I think it's generally better to err on the side of caution and good manners.

aishmc

I've written my address on envelopes at showers before. I didn't mind. I have a very (sometimes overly) supportive family and friends that keep wanting to do things to help so they would be open to something like this. I keep a spreadsheet of addresses so I don't need to do this, but for a baby shower it'd be fine. Plus, the mama to be isn't the host of the shower, but is the gift recipient which blurs the lines a bit. 

However this same group would not let this fly for wedding stuff. 

LeahNicole

To be honest all the showers I've ever been to have an envelope at the seat where you're sitting, you write your address, someone collects them, and a few are pulled for prizes. My thoughts here are why over think something so simple, I have never once been offended and it's never once crossed my mind that the host, whoever it was didn't have enough time to write my address. Most showers have some down time in between meals, prepping for games, waiting for a buffet line, arriving early, whatever it may be. Personally I'd rather fill my time with something shower related like filling out my address, then sitting on my phone, which to me is more of an issue than envelopes.

hjmorgan-2

This is usually a 'family gathering', not a community event...So the "rules of etiquette" would vary...
But we'll agree to disagree.

So on a lighter note, hey guys, someone ACTUALLY bought something off my registry today! I'm super excited because I didn't expect anyone to buy us the PACK-N-PLAY!! That is a huge help and I can't wait to set it up.

ceclarlinetlo

I have never seen anyone be offended by addressing an envelope at a baby shower, I actually always see people saying how great of an idea it is. I agree with PP that it doesn't seem like something worth getting bent out of shape about. It also strikes me as very odd that someone would care so much about how other people handle their thank you cards - especially on a BMB they aren't a member of? 

Edit: typos 

canavara

aishmc said:

I've written my address on envelopes at showers before. I didn't mind. I have a very (sometimes overly) supportive family and friends that keep wanting to do things to help so they would be open to something like this. I keep a spreadsheet of addresses so I don't need to do this, but for a baby shower it'd be fine. Plus, the mama to be isn't the host of the shower, but is the gift recipient which blurs the lines a bit. 

However this same group would not let this fly for wedding stuff. 

I'm not planning on having anyone address their own envelopes at mine but I definitely pictured the scenario when it was mentioned and I seriously cannot imagine anyone attending our shower getting offended or put off by that--they'd probably comment that it's smart if anything. Amazon is nice enough to provide a "thank you" list with addresses for anyone that buys off their registry, but I can imagine if you have guests that buy off-registry and come to the shower and your host does the shower invites online, you might not have everyone's physical address. 

Thinking about it more, I definitely don't know addresses of some of our family we're inviting. It's annoying to have to hunt those down when someone can just give them to you. And I love my aunts and uncles, but I have like... 9 of them on one side of my family so there's no way I can remember them all

moosette113

I am one of those people who side-eyes when asked to fill out my own thank you card, partially because most of the time those same people send identical, pre-printed thank you notes to all of their guests. Why even bother at that point? The honoree appears to be sending those notes out of a sense of obligation rather than legitimate gratitude. My SIL had this done for her wedding and baby shower, the latter of which I wasn't able to attend but sent a gift ahead of time. If my MIL hadn't filled out the envelope for me, there's a strong chance I wouldn't have received any thank you. My mother, over a year later, still complains about the generic (and inaccurate) thank you note she received from that shower.

Obviously not everyone who asks their guests to fill out envelopes would do the above, but it's not that much additional effort for the honoree to address it themselves if they're already writing thank you notes. It just seems like the safer route to take the extra minute per guest to write (or print) out the address yourself as an honoree. If my options are asking guests to write their own addresses and risk a few being annoyed, or writing the addresses myself and having no one care/notice, I would opt for the latter.

As a side note, when I (co-)host a shower, I offer to print out labels for the honoree to make their lives easier when it comes time to write thank you notes.

ceclarlinetlo

@moosette113 - I'll be the first to admit that I don't know all the ins and outs of  proper ettiquite which is probably why the "who address the envelope?" Question seems like a silly, but it blows my mind that someone would send generic preprinted thank you cards! You are so right! Why bother at that point? I feel like that would rub me the wrong way more so than not even receiving one! 

I mean sure writing thank you cards can make your hand tired which isn't fun but I have actually really enjoyed writing personal thank you cards to each of my shower guests - it just makes me so happy think of each of them as someone who loves my baby and that just hits me right in my little mommy heart. 

hjmorgan-2

I agree with the generic thank you cards! That's pretty bad. For my wedding I was sure to write a personal 'thank you' letter to each person, even specifying what they gifted and how much I liked it, etc.

LoneStar21416

Agree @moosette113 and @ceclarlinetlo. We had pre-printed wedding thank yous, because it was included with our photographer's package, but we still handwrote individual notes in each card that were specific to the person. I've definitely received a number of pre-printed thank yous from weddings that have not, though. I do find that a little off putting. Whether it's wedding or baby shower, I would always write a personal note even if you have a pre-printed image/card.

shlecks

Oh my god I'm sorry but if you get bent out of shape over that, you can have the present back. 

cjs260

A) I write my thank you notes ASAP. I HATE doing it, and the sooner I can get it over with the better. It's not out of selfish reasoning that I don't like to do it, I just find that I rarely can think of the correct way to express how thankful I truly am, without it being too over the top or too down played. 

I think that people should do whatever feels right for their party w.r.t. self-addressing envelopes. At my "family" shower, I wouldn't do that, because there were several old Southern ladies there and that would make them clutch their pearls. But at my friends shower, where everyone there is just as well-versed on correct shower etiquette as I am (read not), I don't see a problem with this. In fact, considering that many young people's addresses are hard to track down via white pages (since they may not be as established or in an apartment or moved recently, etc), if your hosts haven't saved addresses for you, then I think having to ask them for their address AGAIN (after your hosts have already asked for it once) is equally rude. 

C) Generic fill in the blank thank you notes are tacky AF. 

Kurtni

shlecka said:

Oh my god I'm sorry but if you get bent out of shape over that, you can have the present back. 

That's what I was thinking. I've done this at all the showers I hosted- tracking down addresses is half the battle when you're sending out thank yous so why not make it easier on the tired, pregnant lady about to pop.

BumpasaurusRex

ceclarlinetlo said:

I have never seen anyone be offended by addressing an envelope at a baby shower, I actually always see people saying how great of an idea it is. I agree with PP that it doesn't seem like something worth getting bent out of shape about. It also strikes me as very odd that someone would care so much about how other people handle their thank you cards - especially on a BMB they aren't a member of? 

Edit: typos 

Well, I'm due the beginning of February so I go back and forth between BMBs.  But I don't need permission to post anywhere on TB but thanks for being so concerned about it.

It would annoy me to address my own envelope because 1) that's not something a GUEST should be doing and 2) seriously, how lazy can you (general you) be?  Too tired to write an address?  Please.  

Everyone is tired towards the end of their pregnancies but we don't stop living because of it.  You literally have to sit on your ass and write on paper.  It's not hard or strenuous.  

moosette113

We can totally cross-post my previous response to the UO thread   To be fair, I will cut the honoree slack for the most part because they generally aren't the ones setting up the self-address stations- it's the hosts. It won't stop me from getting that person presents or attending events for them in the future. There are far "worse" etiquette blunders out there- as long as (general) you are treating your guests like guests and not ATMs, we're cool.

ceclarlinetlo

BumpasaurusRex said:

ceclarlinetlo said:

I have never seen anyone be offended by addressing an envelope at a baby shower, I actually always see people saying how great of an idea it is. I agree with PP that it doesn't seem like something worth getting bent out of shape about. It also strikes me as very odd that someone would care so much about how other people handle their thank you cards - especially on a BMB they aren't a member of? 

Edit: typos 

Well, I'm due the beginning of February so I go back and forth between BMBs.  But I don't need permission to post anywhere on TB but thanks for being so concerned about it.

It would annoy me to address my own envelope because 1) that's not something a GUEST should be doing and 2) seriously, how lazy can you (general you) be?  Too tired to write an address?  Please.  

Everyone is tired towards the end of their pregnancies but we don't stop living because of it.  You literally have to sit on your ass and write on paper.  It's not hard or strenuous.  

Lol nothing to thank me for - I didn't say you couldn't write here I just said it strikes me as odd. But we can just agree to disagree.