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Benched/TTA Check-in Week of October 31

adiratadirat member
in Trying to Get Pregnant
Happy Halloween, everyone! 



***General TW that this thread can and will mention MC and loss.***

This is a place for those of us who have already started TTC, but have hit a roadblock and are delaying for whatever reason. You can express your thoughts, feelings, and frustrations on not TTC and connect with others who are in the same boat. TTC can be a long journey, and having to wait makes it feel even longer -- even if it is for a good reason. I invite you to resurrect this thread at any point in the week if you have something to say. Treat this like an ongoing conversation.

Benched = involuntarily not NTNP/TTC and "out of the game," usually due to medical reasons
TTA = avoiding pregnancy by using protection or FAM, usually for non-health-related reasons __________________________________________________________________ 

Are you benched or TTA? 

What brings you here? 

How long do you think you'll be here? 

How have things been going?

Any R/R/CS? 

GTKY: In honor of next week's election in the U.S., where is your local polling place? Has anything funny ever happened to you while voting? 


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Re: Benched/TTA Check-in Week of October 31

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  • RedBreast35RedBreast35 member
    I'll chill with you here, @adirat.  Also, everything you mentioned in the firefighter's lunch sounds ah-mazing right now.  Mmm... 

    Are you benched or TTA? Benched.

    What brings you here? MC and D&C

    How long do you think you'll be here? Until AF shows up again.  My temps have been totally wonky since the procedure and FF said I o'd on cd13, but I don't buy it.

    How have things been going? Honestly, pretty crappy.  But I just had a great long weekend with my H, and I'm trying really hard to stay busy and focus on trying to get back into better eating and working out habits.  (Probably why those firefighter's sandwiches sounded so darn good  ;) )

    Any R/R/CS? 

    GTKY: In honor of next week's election in the U.S., where is your local polling place? Has anything funny ever happened to you while voting? I moved here within the last few years, so I don't know exactly where the polling place is, but I requested an absentee ballot this year and have already voted.  I'm not sure I'd have the patience for what will most likely be a sh!t-show on election day.  
    It's not really funny, but when I was living back in my hometown as an adult during the last presidential election, my polling place was my old elementary school and I ran into SO MANY people I grew up with.  Cue major social anxiety.  It was seriously just the most awkward time, making small talk with people you just don't know anymore, but don't want to be rude to. 
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  • adiratadirat member
    @RedBreast35 Welcome! I'm sorry you're here and sorry for your loss, but I suppose this is a misery loves company thread. :)

    I feel you on the school polling place... My parents' polling place is my junior high school and my dad has told me the same thing about parents and teachers. I don't think anyone recognizes him anymore but for a long time he had a whole laundry list of who he saw there every election. I wasn't even there and felt overwhelmed thinking about all those people. 

    And capicola sandwiches for all! (I am on mobile but imagine a capicola gif here) 


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  • RedBreast35RedBreast35 member
    vintage food retro couple 1960s
    you and me @adirat
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  • izza2izza2 member
    The firemens' lunch sounds delish. Yumm.


    Are you benched or TTA?     TTA

    What brings you here? Nursing school

    How long do you think you'll be here? Too long

    How have things been going? Super

    Any R/R/CS? AF finally left and with her went all of my ambition to paint our kitchen that I had over the weekend. DH and I finished quite a bit of it the past two days, but we have one whole wall that still needs to be finished. And he didn't take down our breakfast bar, and I have t-rex arms, so I can't peel the wallpaper off the last section unless I take the bar down myself. And I know that I'll screw something up.

    GTKY: In honor of next week's election in the U.S., where is your local polling place? Has anything funny ever happened to you while voting? Our local polling place is our town hall. I don't have any funny stories, but we live in an incredibly small town, and the last time we voted (the only time we've voted, for the primaries) it took them an irrationally long time to get us the ballot and let us get on with things. They were so disorganized, it was ridiculous. Our 1 minute voting session was preceded by a 15 minute wait for them to figure out who was doing what, and how they were supposed to do it. And they'd been open for voting for an hour at that point...
    I look forward to next Tuesday's shenanigans.

    Me: 30 | DH: 34 | DSS: 14 | DS: 4
    PG #2, EDD 10/12/2023

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  • adiratadirat member
    @izza2 That's crazy! Were you guys the first people in the whole town to vote or something? I hope it's better this time... 


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  • izza2izza2 member
    @adirat - Nah, they were just a bunch of older ladies who seemed like they'd been doing it for years, but still had no idea. There was another couple leaving as we were going in, and then there were two other people ahead of us. They just... couldn't handle it. Maybe we had an influx of voters this year and they're not used to so many people voting. :tongue: Six is a lot, after all. :wink:

    Me: 30 | DH: 34 | DSS: 14 | DS: 4
    PG #2, EDD 10/12/2023

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  • Tennis11785Tennis11785 member
    Are you benched or TTA? Benched

    What brings you here? Miscarriage

    How long do you think you'll be here? Three cycles, however long that takes.  

    How have things been going? Ok.  I'm intrigued as to how I'll respond to Halloween and lots of cute kids in costumes.  

    Any R/R/CS? 

    GTKY: In honor of next week's election in the U.S., where is your local polling place? Has anything funny ever happened to you while voting?  Our local polling place is a local synagogue.  I can't really think of anything funny that has happened.  I've been involved in several campaigns, so usually election day involves me running around crazy all day long and hopefully celebrating at the end of the day.   

    ** December BMB Siggy Challenge - Animals in Pools **


    Me: 31+ H: 32
    TTC Since 11/2015
    #1 - MMC 6.5 weeks (2/16); #2 - MC due to cystic hygroma at 20 weeks (10/16); #3 CP (2/17); #4 - Due 12.16.17
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  • zwink1zwink1 member

    Are you benched or TTA? 
    TTA

    What brings you here? 
    Originally my best friend's cross-country wedding next August...now exacerbated by work woes.

    How long do you think you'll be here? 
    ?? Unsure now. It was only going to be 1-2 months... Now it's looking like it'll be at least 4.

    How have things been going?
    Eh, other than my work situation causing all sorts of issues, pretty okay. While we're currently TTA, H and I crossed the 12 month threshold this last month, so we're going to at least get started testing. H has the order for his SA, so whenever he gets around to doing that we'll know more on that. I am starting with CD3 bloodwork plus some extra testing for potential thyroid issues... However, considering this is CD11 and my cycles are usually 35+ days, it'll be a while before we know more there. No biggie I guess, it's not like we can use the info for a while...

    If nothing turns up there, my Dr wants to move on to an HSG, which H and I will have to discuss the timing on.

    Any R/R/CS? 
    I guess only that when I saw my Dr. in June, she suggested waiting until Oct to do any testing because it hadn't been "a year of trying" at that point. Fine, whatever I guess. Then at this appointment she gives me some fertility info brochure that indicates a totally different definition for infertility (which is what I initially thought it was) and would put us way back in May for having hit 12 months (ntnp). Again, No big deal considering how life is working out, but why go by a definition that is different than your own print materials?

    GTKY: In honor of next week's election in the U.S., where is your local polling place? Has anything funny ever happened to you while voting? 
    Actually, since we moved I'm not sure where my polling place is...I should probably figure that out sooner rather than later.

    This isn't actually funny, but last national election, I was the third person in line to submit my ballot. Both peoplebl in front of me had to go back and redo their ballots because the first voted for multiple people...for President...then the second made his choice and also wrote the name in under the blank line for additional candidates. I probably wouldn't have noticed had it just been one or the other, but both!?! It has me seriously concerned for our electorate.
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  • mrsegan13mrsegan13 member
    @RedBreast35, @Tennis11785, @jmn1985 we're all in the same boat (my condolences to each of you; this is so tough). 
    Are you benched or TTA? Benched

    What brings you here? MMC and D&C on 10/20

    How long do you think you'll be here? At least two more weeks 

    How have things been going? Monday and Tuesday last week were pretty good, Wednesday I found myself easily distracted and couldn't focus on work, Thursday, I was extremely depressed. Friday was a little better and the weekend was pretty good. As you can see, my emotions are still all over the place. My doctor's norm is no sex for four weeks following the D&C. This is a bummer to me. It's not that I'm worried about TTC (I doubt I'll ovulate anytime soon since my pregnancy tests are still positive), it's just that I really miss intimacy. I also LOVE baths and those are out until my follow up appointment as well. Luckily, my appointment is two weeks from tomorrow, so it's not too much longer to wait. I'm really looking for support now, but the benched board last week didn't have much activity after Wednesday, and I noticed not much is going on in the pregnancy loss message board either. Is anyone else searching for connection with others going through the same thing? I find it very hard to talk about with people that haven't experienced it. People have already said hurtful things, but I know they mean well. If anyone needs support, I am here. 

    Any R/R/CS? Can anyone find reliable information on when ovulation takes place following miscarriage? I tested 6 days after and 10 days after my D&C. Tests are getting lighter. I read that it takes about 2 weeks to ovulate once the hcg hits zero, but I can't find that on a totally reliable website. I hate to miss a cycle of trying because my first cycle trying (in which I got pregnant but it resulted in a MMC) was 43 days long. That was the first cycle off bcp (which I took for 13 years). I'm not sure if my cycles would normally be so long, but if missing a chance means waiting another 40+ days, that'd be kind of a bummer. 

    GTKY: In honor of next week's election in the U.S., where is your local polling place? Has anything funny ever happened to you while voting? 

    The library is where we vote. Nothing funny has ever happened, but I usually vote early to avoid the crowds. 
    TTC since 8/7/16 
    BFP 9/13/16
    MMC 10/18/16 
    D&C 10/20/16
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  • RedBreast35RedBreast35 member
    Hey @mrsegan13. Yeah it definitely sucks to be here. I noticed the loss boards weren't too active but I honestly haven't really been up to talking much about my own.  As in, the only person who knows is my H- and everyone who reads this site  ;) I hear you on the moods being all over the place, the loss of intimacy, all of it. It just sucks. 
    Do you temp or use OPKs or anything?  I've started temping again to try to track O, but sadly I don't think there's any way to tell what your body is going to do after a loss. I do hope things regulate soon for us all, though!
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  • mrsegan13mrsegan13 member
    Hey @RedBreast35, thanks for the response. I understand not being up for talking. I have started temping again. I'm not going to bother with OPKs until the HPT are negative. I have heard that HCG will set off an OPK but not vice versa (LH will not set off a HPT). I guess I'll use OPKs once my hcg is down, but I'm going to be so depressed if I miss it. My doctor is saying 4 weeks and a lot of doctors say to wait only 2 weeks.  :/
    TTC since 8/7/16 
    BFP 9/13/16
    MMC 10/18/16 
    D&C 10/20/16
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  • magnolia131magnolia131 member
    Are you benched or TTA? TTA

    What brings you here? Upcoming changes in job/location/insurance, etc. 

    How long do you think you'll be here? At least until we have a clearer picture/timeline of our plan. The not knowing is the worst part!

    How have things been going? Okay. Maybe it was a combination of TTA with stress at work but I'm feeling much better about things this week. Even though it's a careless time to go forward with our plans for IF treatment, DH still insists we can NTNP and "what will be, will be." I told him that I need to temp because my cycles are so crazy and if we start with an RE in another city/state next year, I want to have an idea of what's happening. He seems to think the compromise is that I can keep temping/charting and we can still NTNP, but we all know it doesn't work that way even if he can't seem to grasp why not. I also in the back of my head wonder why he wants to NTNP, knowing that he more than anyone would agree that this is poor timing. It's insecure of me but I do wonder if he's just suggesting it to appease me/assuming it won't possibly work anyways, and idk how I feel about that. We just got back from a weekend getaway for our anniversary, though so that was a nice distraction. 

    Any R/R/CS? Other than the above, I'm good

    GTKY: In honor of next week's election in the U.S., where is your local polling place? Has anything funny ever happened to you while voting? No stories to tell here. This will be the third national election I participate in. I'm definitely curious to see how everything pans out! 

    @adirat How did your U/S go? I hope you got answers so that you can ease the pain. Your GTKY made me hungry, stereotypical or not!

    @RedBreast35 I'm sorry to see you back here and for your loss. I definitely think that this time is a good time to take advantage of things like improving eating/exercise habits. It's good to focus on something positive anyways. I hope your stay back is short. 

    @Tennis11785 I'm sorry for your loss. I work with kids, and my students (6th grade) were dressed up today, which was fine for me. We live on a really popular block for trick or treating so I'm hoping tonight is equally okay but worry that seeing anything too adorable might send me over the edge. I guess I'm saying I'm apprehensive about it too. I hope your night goes smoothly!

    @mrsegan13 I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for your loss. I've not experienced what you are going through, so I know that my support may not carry much weight but I know that these boards are full of listening ears and supportive advice. I know this thread is usually slow but I hope that by sticking around and participating wherever feels right for you that you can find what you're looking for here. 
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  • adiratadirat member
    Ladies -- please do resurrect this thread any time during the week (as it says in the intro) if you want to talk or need support! Speaking for myself, I'm usually around/lurking almost daily so I'll be here. <3

    @magnolia131 My husband also wants to NTNP while I need to temp for the same reasons as you, so... it's confusing. I think it's because he wants a baby so badly. It's hard to explain to him that NTNP is impossible knowing what I do about my CM and ovulation pain. 

    And thanks for asking about my u/s. It didn't exactly go great, but it's hard to know what's happening since the ultrasound tech wouldn't tell me anything and just said that the doctor would call me. One good thing: I have a dominant follicle on my right ovary that could be ready any day now, so I am ovulating. Yay! The bad thing: she could not find my left ovary. At all. My left ovary is where I get pretty severe ovulation pain -- my gynecologist is concerned I have endometriosis or at least endometriomas (chocolate cysts) on that ovary causing the pain. It was not reassuring that the tech could not even find my ovary despite me feeling pain and tenderness in the general area of the wand! She tried transvaginally and abdominally with an empty bladder, then transvaginally and abdominally again with a full bladder, and... nothing. She gave up. 

    I'm trying not to freak out because I know ovaries can move and therefore it's possible this isn't a real issue, but when I go in for an ultrasound to diagnose ovulation pain that is worse on my left ovary and then you can't even find it? Ugh. Not reassuring in the least. I'm hoping the doctor calls me tomorrow so I can learn more. 




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  • mrsegan13mrsegan13 member
    Hi @adirat, keep us posted about what your doctor says. I can see how that would be upsetting but for all we know it could be normal, so try not to panic. 
    TTC since 8/7/16 
    BFP 9/13/16
    MMC 10/18/16 
    D&C 10/20/16
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  • adiratadirat member
    @mrsegan13 Thanks, I appreciate it. Trying to stay calm. I know it's too soon to freak out. <3




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  • RedBreast35RedBreast35 member
    @adirat I'm sorry about that appointment. I'd have a hard time not freaking out too!  That's seriously crazy that she couldn't even find it  :# Ugh. Definitely keep us posted!
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  • slavenslaven member

    @adirat I love Italian sandwiches. My favorite order at a lunch place on base is the Italian panini. 

    @jmn1985 I've always wanted to see the Netherlands and Austria.

    @magnolia131 MH was the one who suggested we TTA for timing/financial reasons. His reasons are good and I agree, but then he also wanted to just NTNP. I ended up getting BCP b/c we're TTA for at least a year. That way any EDD falls close to his next promotion which has a pay increase that will allow me to be a SAHM (which we both want). Men just don't get it. I don't temp and it's easy to not use OPKs but my O signs are pretty obvious. I might not be able to tell the exact day but even my sex drive goes through the roof and there's no way we'd skip the FW haha 

    @adirat I worry about my ovaries sometimes. My mom had horrible ovarian cysts and super long AF (like months at a time) and ended up with a full hysterectomy by the time she was 28 (she had kids young). I've always had stronger O pain on my left ovary and it doesn't switch every month. Also, I've been on BC for years (minus TTC) which I know can prevent some of that stuff, but what happens when I'm off BC? Unfortunately I'm too young for drs to take it seriously and we only tried for 4 cycles before TTA so no IF testing. 


    Are you benched or TTA?     TTA

    What brings you here? International move this summer and then waiting for a EDD near spring '18 for financial reasons.

    How long do you think you'll be here? till Fall '17

    How have things been going? I got put on orthotricyclen lo. I was just going to wing it and use the pull out method but if I'm TTA for a year I figure I might as well treat my hormonal AF acne. Plus without BC my sex drive goes through the roof during FW and there's no way we'd avoid it. I haven't been on BCP for quite a while, I had the shot for a few years and then my IUD. My Pinterest feed is all baby things and even most of my Amazon and YouTube recommendations. It's hard because we're going home for Thanksgiving and haven't seen our family for a year and a half. I was hoping to announce my pregnancy while we're visiting to do it in person but that's not happening. I was at a luncheon last week and a woman there was pregnant and all I could think was "if I got KU when we first started trying, I'd be that far along". My rational mind tells me that I'm young enough that waiting a year isn't bad and it actually follows our plan we made when we got married, but having TTC and then TTA is so hard emotionally. Although when we did start TTC, DH said that if I wasn't KU by Christmas that we could get a second dog so maybe that will happen. 


    Me: 25 DH: 29, Married 1/1/2015
    DS 11/2/2017
    TTC since August 2018
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  • adiratadirat member
    @slavenski I'm so sorry you're having a tough time (though I can't help but smile at the idea of a second doggie). I've also been struggling with losing the "announce at Thanksgiving/announce at Christmas" idea :( You are so right about how TTC followed by TTA is so hard emotionally. Hugs.

    @Redbreast35 Thanks. I was pretty surprised too, but apparently it is not terribly unusual to miss an ovary? I was pretty skeptical but I'm seeing a lot of it online so...




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  • slavenslaven member
    edited November 2016
    @adirat I went in to the dr once for what I thought might be an ovary problem. I could feel a hard lump right where I expect my left ovary that kind of comes and goes but it's always tender there and my dr just chocked it up to having a poop in my intestine which I guess could be true but given my family history I'm surprised they didn't check. 

    eta I keep sending DH facebook links to different dogs available at a Korean pet shelter. It's just a couple that takes dogs out of pounds and tries to rehome them. Korea really doesn't have animal rights. Dog meat farms are a real thing and dogs in pounds are euthanized after a few days. We won't get one before our vacation but maybe after. 
    Me: 25 DH: 29, Married 1/1/2015
    DS 11/2/2017
    TTC since August 2018
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  • MTgirlCOworldMTgirlCOworld member
    @adirat fx your doctor comes back with good news.  That is really stressful.  There is a long history of endometriosis in my family so I am keeping my fingers crossed we get KTFU before I start having any issues (if I ever do).  Just adds to the stress of having to TTA,  feel like we are working against the clock.
    @RedBreast35 I am sorry for your loss.  I know easier said than done but try to keep your chin up.
    @izza2 wow I mean voting always seems to be a nightmare but that seems especially bad.  
    @Tennis11785 I am sorry for your loss.
    @jmn1985 don't take this the wrong way but I am excited that you will be leaving us soon!  Have fun in Austria!
    @zwink1 I am sorry you will be here longer than you originally thought.  I feel your pain there as I am in the same boat.  I am also sorry that you seem to be getting confusing answers from your doc.  That is frustrating.
    @mrsegan13 I am sorry for your loss.  I have not gone through what you have gone through but I am happy to listen if you ever need to vent.
    @magnolia131 I am right there with you.  I am here until some things get worked out with my job too (and I see where I land after some turbulence).  
    @slavenski I am sorry you are having a hard time. But yay for possibly another fur baby. Have you heard where you will land next yet? I can't imagine how hard it is going from TTC to TTA.  That would be so hard. 

    Are you benched or TTA? TTA

    What brings you here?  My job is being a little turbulent.

    How long do you think you'll be here? ?? I am hoping December but that is pure guess work on my part.

    How have things been going?  This week has not been too bad.  Tonight seeing the cute little munchkins in there costumes is making my heart hurt, but I am keeping my head above water for now.

    Any R/R/CS? DH knows that I work through emotions by talking things out.  I keep saying I want a baby / I can't wait to start trying etc.  He is being so supportive and helping me through the emotions but if he says one more time "everything will be fine, we will cross that bridge when we get there" I may lose it.  I understand we are stuck and there is nothing we can do right now but damn.  I know I am just being bitchy and I love that he is being supportive but he just doesn't seem as upset as I am by our wait getting lengthened.

    GTKY: In honor of next week's election in the U.S., where is your local polling place? Has anything funny ever happened to you while voting? I have no idea.  We have mail in ballots so I just have to fill it out and drop it.  

    When I was in high school all the seniors were required to volunteer at a polling place as part of their credits.  My best friend and I signed up for the same place and we were helping check registration cards and directing people as they came in the door.  Some gentleman (I use the term lightly cause the guy was REALLY creepy) in probably his late 40's stopped on his way out the door and asked if I would like to go to a movie with him later.  I was completely taken aback and after a minute told him I was in a relationship with someone.  To which he responded "And you don't see other people?" like that was completely normal.  

    Me 30 DH 36                                  
    Married 9/26/15
    TTC 2/10/17 - BFP 5/5/17 - EDD 1/11/18

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  • slavenslaven member
    @sglen3 no clue on our next duty station. DH puts in his top 5 and they try to get him one of them but it's not guaranteed. Thankfully we actually want to go to Fort Drum in upstate NY because our family is in MA. Most families don't want to go there because of the snow so we'll have a good chance of getting it. 

    It's actually kind of hard to find a good dog to adopt here. There are plenty of pet stores and that's where our Maltese is from. DH got her as a surprise and didn't know about where puppy store puppies come from. The local pounds just euthanize dogs and there aren't a lot of rescue shelters and the few that exist are poorly funded and can only care for a few dogs. The one we're going to is literally just this couple that gets dogs out of the pound and keep them at their home. They're generally in cages and kennels because they have no staff. It's just these two people that do as much as they can. They have volunteer days every Sunday where you can go walk dogs. It's the only time the dogs get exercise. You actually have to go twice before you can adopt and it's a foster to adopt situation, where you can take the dog home and see how they fit in which is nice because we have a dog. The adoption fee is lower but the dogs don't come spayed/neutered, microchipped, etc. I think this place does vaccinations though. 
    Me: 25 DH: 29, Married 1/1/2015
    DS 11/2/2017
    TTC since August 2018
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  • Tennis11785Tennis11785 member
    @slavenski - if you're looking to adopt a dog but don't have many local options, some rescues help transport dogs to you.  I know my pup was like 12 hours away and they were able to get a group of people to each drive it like an hour/1.5 hours until it was close enough that I could pick her up.  Although those are more for straight adoptions opposed to foster-to-adopt situations, you might be able to find something like that will work.  

    ** December BMB Siggy Challenge - Animals in Pools **


    Me: 31+ H: 32
    TTC Since 11/2015
    #1 - MMC 6.5 weeks (2/16); #2 - MC due to cystic hygroma at 20 weeks (10/16); #3 CP (2/17); #4 - Due 12.16.17
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  • magnolia131magnolia131 member
    @adirat Oh, I'm sorry to hear that your U/S kind of left you in the dark. That's rough and sounds like it would be nerve wrecking. Let us know as soon as you do get the phone call and can learn more. I agree with other ladies that there's no reason to worry until you have all of the facts, but I also get that it's easier said than done. I hope it's no big deal after all and that there's an easy solution to whatever is wrong. 

    @slavenski My O signs are less reliable, so I feel like if I didn't temp that NTNP would be possible. Even temping, my pattern isn't fully predictable so I guess it's still technically possible but I still know that I'd probably be more prone to want to step up BDing when I *thought* fertile week was, which to me is not truly NTNP. Idk, it's definitely confusing. I would consider an option like the BCP if I had a firm idea of how long it might be before we can truly try again, but until I do it's probably not an ideal way to go. I'm sorry that you're having a harder time. I know that the holidays can be rough. *TW pregnancy mentioned* We recently learned my SIL is pregnant. It is my understanding from DH that she began TTC upon learning we were (she has a competitive nature and if you knew her this wouldn't be surprising). She takes a lot of pride in being able to tell people how they should do x,y, or z because it worked for her. Needless to say I am absolutely dreading holiday gatherings with DH's family this year. Thankfully Thanksgiving will be with my family so I have time to prepare myself for all of the inevitable triggers coming my way around Christmas. It's hard to get past the jealousy and the "it should have been me" feelings especially around sentimental times like the holidays.*end TW* Also, I hope you get to have another fur baby!

    @Sglen3 I'm sorry that you're dealing with roadblocks on the job front as well. I hate that so many of our life plans are dependent on factors out of our control right now. DH's company has been terrible about giving estimated dates for relocation and firm answers of what to expect, which has made making the best plan for my job in the upcoming months nearly impossible. I have a very Type-A personality and "winging it" or "going with the flow" is not my strong suit. Also, your GTKY was definitely creepy lol. Ew.

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  • adiratadirat member
    @magnolia131 Oh that is so awful... Competitive personality plus TTC after you is so tough and so unfair. I'm really sorry you'll have to deal with that for the holidays. Are there others in the family who can support you?

    @sglen3 Yeah I did not enjoy seeing all the adorable costumes... I got so unbelievably jealous. I hope you can start ttc again quickly. If it makes you feel any better, endo has a slight familial component but not for sure. If you haven't had any issues so far, there's a good chance you won't I hope! 

    Sounds like we all need love today :( Hugs to all of you. 


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  • magnolia131magnolia131 member
    @adirat Thanks. DH will be my main support, but surprisingly my MIL has also been pretty good about it. She was the one who convinced his sister not to do a big reveal of her good news at a recent family party and instead just to announce it to us with a simple phone call.  I am so grateful for that because I don't know that I would have kept my composure in front of a crowd. I'm sorry you had a tough time last night with all of the costumes, btw. I think this time of year in general is rough for TTC, let alone TTC then TTA. Hugs all around.
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  • doxiemoxie212doxiemoxie212 member
    Are you benched or TTA? benched

    What brings you here? mc in sept

    How long do you think you'll be here? dec

    How have things been going? Fine. DH wants to try immediately in December since that's when the OBGYN said we could try again, and I think that's mostly fine, but part of me wants to wait. This is sort of silly, but for some reason matters to me. It's just like, in the summer its DH's birthday, then mine, then my mom's - it's a lot - and then you get into that weird territory where the kid ends up being old for his/her age or young for his/her age. I just really prefer the idea of having a kid Jan-May for whatever reason. But DH is all like, "but what if you mc again, wouldn't you rather know sooner?" I mean, I guess? IDK. I'm not super worried about that - it'll either be an issue or not be an issue. 

    Any R/R/CS? found out last night my OBGYN lives in my building. As in, 10 floors down from me. Weird.

    GTKY: In honor of next week's election in the U.S., where is your local polling place? Has anything funny ever happened to you while voting? I've only ever voted via absentee, and I've never voted in a swing state. Blue all the way. 


    Unrelated to pregnancy, have any of you guys switched careers? That is what's giving me major anxiety these days. 
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  • magnolia131magnolia131 member
    @doxiemoxie212 I made a pretty big switch in careers last year, and it came with some sacrifices like going back to school (which I'm still doing) and interning for my new field while simultaneously working/transitioning out of my old one. Just a warning that juggling all of this while TTC was very stressful at times. Now there's been a curveball in our lives that may require me to take a step back to my old career temporarily, but we are still figuring it out. I guess my point is that it's never too late to consider a switch, but if it's possible for you to transition into something else slowly (school, volunteering, etc) before you give up your current line of work, I'd recommend it. It provides an opportunity to make sure whatever move you're making is right for you and to make connections in a new line of work at the same time. Do you mind me asking what your career is and what switch you're considering?
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  • doxiemoxie212doxiemoxie212 member
    @magnolia131 I work in PR now (have for 7 years), and I'd like to go back to school and take graphic design classes full-time. Technically I could probably do it while I work, but I have to travel fairly often for work, and I'd risk having to miss classes that I pay a lot of $$ for. I don't necessarily want to transition 100% into design, but I'd rather work in the more creative part of the communications industry. Part of it is also that salaries in PR cap out where salaries start for my husband in his field, so currently my salary after taxes would barely cover the cost of daycare, and it would never make financial sense to prioritize my career over my his. I figure a career should ideally be all of the following but at least one of the following: meaningful, happiness-inducing, financially beneficial. Right now my career is none of the three. If I do graphic design, I think I would enjoy my day-to-day more, and it might enhance my freelance opportunities, which would mean I could still work part time after we have a kid without having to pay a million dollars for daycare. The downside is really that my husband also hates his job, but at least he gets paid bank for it. I could stick out my job if I made more money. He says he'll support whatever decision I make and be happy for me, but I think he'll be at least a little sad/jealous if he's the only one hating his job. I think he'll do his best to hide those feelings, but he's only human. Not that I should stay at my job just so misery can have company, but IDK - something I'm weighing. 
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  • mrsegan13mrsegan13 member
    @doxiemoxie212, sorry about your loss. I'm in the same boat if you ever want to talk. 
    @magnolia131, I feel angry FOR you. Having a child should never be done because of a sense of competition. Your SIL sounds extremely immature. So glad your MIL has your back and convinced her not to do a big reveal. I'd avoid her as much as possible during Christmas. 
    @jmn1985, you are right, it can be really isolating. I've told some people, but it's exhausting retelling the story. People don't know what to say or how to react. 
    Thanks for offering to listening @Sglen3. That is tough that you're in a place of needing to wait to TTC when your heart is ready. My only advice is to plan something really awesome that you wouldn't do if you were pregnant. Plan a trip somewhere awesome and then it adds another reason (but a happy reason) for waiting. 
    TTC since 8/7/16 
    BFP 9/13/16
    MMC 10/18/16 
    D&C 10/20/16
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  • magnolia131magnolia131 member
    @doxiemoxie212 My best friend is in PR and travels a lot, too. I was lucky to have a program available to me for school that was geared to professionals trying to do what I wanted to do and mostly online courses. I can understand where you're coming from because I spent a good year or two at my old job traveling all of the time, and I know that I would have struggled to do any type of school during that time. I definitely see your reasons for wanting a switch, and it seems like one advantage you might have (I could be wrong) is that the fields are somewhat related so that your networking capabilities are good. As for the guilt with DH- I've been there. DH had just received a stressful promotion at the time I left my old job and I always worried there would be resentment. I learned quickly that my insecurity about how he might be feeling was the root of the problem rather than him actually feeling badly about it. I get the "misery loves company" thing, but it ultimately shouldn't hold you back from doing what you want to do as long as you two can communicate about it openly and maybe work out a plan/timeline that allows you both the ability to eventually get what you want. And FWIW, in the long run our relationship actually improved a lot once I wasn't coming home stressed out at 10:30 every night and miserable. I was actually found myself in a better place to focus on him and to support him while he was going through stressful times, which eased things for him in the end as well. 

    @mrsegan13 Thanks. I cried a lot initially when I got the news, but now I'm honestly at peace with it. I agree that it isn't a reason to TTC, but she pulled the same thing when we got engaged/married, which is a whole story in itself. I guess I just wasn't shocked. DH jokes it's because she's the oldest sibling and always wants to be first, but I totally see that it is not normal behavior and kind of even feel worried/sorry for her when I really take a step back and look at it. I hope, if anything, that having a family of her own might change that aspect of her. Time will tell. 
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  • MTgirlCOworldMTgirlCOworld member
    @slavenski fx you get the station you want and hear soon!!

    @magnolia131 Yeah I am pretty type A as well.  I have gotten better about going with the flow since I married DH (he is very much a "Let's just wing it" person) but I like to have a plan and it drives me crazy that I can't. I am trying to just ride the wave till things can calm down.  I am happy MIL is supportive of what you are going through. 

    @adirat Thanks.  I am hoping for the best with the endo thing.  I am just happy that I have some people that I feel I can talk to about all of this.

    @doxiemoxie212 I am so sorry for your loss.  I have done two career switches actually.  This last one was pretty mild, I worked as a project manager in one field and started doing management in another field.  Is it possible for you to do that?  Maybe look for a PR job in marketing or a graphic design firm while you go back to school?  Or maybe go to school online?  I just left a job a hated a few months ago which put me in the position I am now, but I would take this over that job any day.  Also DH hates his job but does not feel comfortable moving till we figure out my job.  He would like to go back to school though and what he wants will require him to quit his job and go to school full time so that is also a little scary no knowing what is happening with me.  So long story short I feel your pain. :)

    Me 30 DH 36                                  
    Married 9/26/15
    TTC 2/10/17 - BFP 5/5/17 - EDD 1/11/18

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  • mrsegan13mrsegan13 member
    @magnolia131, sounds like you have a very mature and healthy response. I do feel sad for your SIL though. Life isn't a race. If her relationship and life wasn't ready for a child, it's sad that she forced it just to "get ahead" in a competition that literally does not exist. I only hope that she can be a loving parent and won't live to regret her decision and see it came from a really unhealthy place. 
    TTC since 8/7/16 
    BFP 9/13/16
    MMC 10/18/16 
    D&C 10/20/16
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  • adiratadirat member
    @slavenski Aww what a cutie!


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  • Tennis11785Tennis11785 member
    slavenski - Ah gotcha.  I hope you find something that works for you guys.  That pup posted about looks sweet!

    ** December BMB Siggy Challenge - Animals in Pools **


    Me: 31+ H: 32
    TTC Since 11/2015
    #1 - MMC 6.5 weeks (2/16); #2 - MC due to cystic hygroma at 20 weeks (10/16); #3 CP (2/17); #4 - Due 12.16.17
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  • magnolia131magnolia131 member
    @slavenski she's adorable! I hope it works out and that you get to take her home with you.
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