Baby fever and all the feelings/advice?

amanda_s. · October 2016

Hi all! I'm new here but have been lurking around for the past few months b/c I have such bad baby fever! A little background on me: my fiancé and I will be getting married this December and have agreed that we will not have a child next year. However, he doesn't want to set a date for when we can start TTC. He wants to save more money before TTC, which is understandable, but I have my fears.

We will both be 30 next year, 31 in 2018. And this past year, my body has been all out of whack. I have been on hormonal birth control for almost 15 years. I've been on a few different brands but mainly Yaz/BeYaz and it had worked great. I always knew when I would be getting my period - right down to the exact time. But beginning in December 2015/January 2016, I started break-through bleeding right before and during ovulation. I passed what I believe was a clot after the second break-through bleeding (which was horrible). I told my gyno, who said that it could be that body is no longer reacting well to Yaz/BeYaz, so she switched me. I ended up getting my period twice that month (once during ovulation and then again when I'd normally get it), but I ended up getting off that pill because it made me bloated 24/7. I was so frustrated I asked to go back on Yaz, but two months after starting Yaz again I was back to break-through bleeding. I then asked to be on another BC (Orsythia, which I'm currently on), and have had one break-through bleeding. (We'll find out in a week if it'll happen again.) So for the year, I've had about 5 or 6 episodes of break-through bleeding before and during ovulation. I have an appointment with a new obgyn at the end of Nov. to talk about what's been going on.

My body has always been predictable until lately and it's freaking me out. These changes have only enhanced by fear of being unable to TTC over the age of 30. From my fiancé and I's talk the other night, I'm almost certain that we won't start TTC until we're 32. There's no budging with him either. My grand fear is that we wait to TTC until 32, giving my body a few months to adjust to not being on BC then nothing happening and me reaching age 35.

It also doesn't help that everyone around me (best friend, friends, co-workers) is having babies. It won't help that (I'm sure) we'll be asked when we'll have a baby after we get married. It's stressing me out and worsening my anxiety with all this.

So does anyone have any advice on how to get through this? Any experience with TTC over 30?

SaphireSweetie88 · October 2016

amanda_s. said:

Hi all! I'm new here but have been lurking around for the past few months b/c I have such bad baby fever! A little background on me: my fiancé and I will be getting married this December and have agreed that we will not have a child next year. However, he doesn't want to set a date for when we can start TTC. He wants to save more money before TTC, which is understandable, but I have my fears.

We will both be 30 next year, 31 in 2018. And this past year, my body has been all out of whack. I have been on hormonal birth control for almost 15 years. I've been on a few different brands but mainly Yaz/BeYaz and it had worked great. I always knew when I would be getting my period - right down to the exact time. But beginning in December 2015/January 2016, I started break-through bleeding right before and during ovulation. I passed what I believe was a clot after the second break-through bleeding (which was horrible). I told my gyno, who said that it could be that body is no longer reacting well to Yaz/BeYaz, so she switched me. I ended up getting my period twice that month (once during ovulation and then again when I'd normally get it), but I ended up getting off that pill because it made me bloated 24/7. I was so frustrated I asked to go back on Yaz, but two months after starting Yaz again I was back to break-through bleeding. I then asked to be on another BC (Orsythia, which I'm currently on), and have had one break-through bleeding. (We'll find out in a week if it'll happen again.) So for the year, I've had about 5 or 6 episodes of break-through bleeding before and during ovulation. I have an appointment with a new obgyn at the end of Nov. to talk about what's been going on.

My body has always been predictable until lately and it's freaking me out. These changes have only enhanced by fear of being unable to TTC over the age of 30. From my fiancé and I's talk the other night, I'm almost certain that we won't start TTC until we're 32. There's no budging with him either. My grand fear is that we wait to TTC until 32, giving my body a few months to adjust to not being on BC then nothing happening and me reaching age 35.

It also doesn't help that everyone around me (best friend, friends, co-workers) is having babies. It won't help that (I'm sure) we'll be asked when we'll have a baby after we get married. It's stressing me out and worsening my anxiety with all this.

So does anyone have any advice on how to get through this? Any experience with TTC over 30?

Talk to your fiance and let him know your concerns. Also, I am glad you're talking to a new gyno. I had to go to a new gyno and she's really good! Yes it can be harder TTC after 30 / 3. If your fiance is concerned abut money, then discuss that with him. Maybe he'll come your way or maybe you'll go his or maybe you'll find a compromise

As far as people asking when you're going to have a baby, tell them that topic is not up for discussion other than you and you DH. That usually worked pretty well for DH and I.

Good luck

amanda_s. · October 2016

We did have a talk the other night - he has no concern and believes we'll be able to conceive easily because "people get pregnant all the time (after 30)." I don't know how to show him it's not as easy as he thinks it is. And he's aware of the numbers and percentages with getting pregnant, but still doesn't see it as a possible issue. And maybe he's right and I'm just being a nervous-nelly. And I should say that his concern with money is legit. He has about $180k in student loan debt (2 years undergrad + law school - too much of that loan is interest

) and we don't have much savings (but enough to deal with any kind of emergency). I'm just afraid that whatever savings number he sees at the end of 2018 isn't going to be good enough.

I'm just hoping that whenever I meet with my new gyno next month she will shed some insight into my issues and (hopefully) puts my mind at ease and I'll be more comfortable with waiting a few years.

And thank you - I should be that direct with my response. I'm hoping not too many people will ask. We've preliminarily established there will be no baby in 2017 within our close circle of family and friends.

SaphireSweetie88 · October 2016

amanda_s. said:

We did have a talk the other night - he has no concern and believes we'll be able to conceive easily because "people get pregnant all the time (after 30)." I don't know how to show him it's not as easy as he thinks it is. And he's aware of the numbers and percentages with getting pregnant, but still doesn't see it as a possible issue. And maybe he's right and I'm just being a nervous-nelly. And I should say that his concern with money is legit. He has about $180k in student loan debt (2 years undergrad + law school - too much of that loan is interest ) and we don't have much savings (but enough to deal with any kind of emergency). I'm just afraid that whatever savings number he sees at the end of 2018 isn't going to be good enough.

I'm just hoping that whenever I meet with my new gyno next month she will shed some insight into my issues and (hopefully) puts my mind at ease and I'll be more comfortable with waiting a few years.

And thank you - I should be that direct with my response. I'm hoping not too many people will ask. We've preliminarily established there will be no baby in 2017 within our close circle of family and friends.

@amanda_s.

To the 1st bold part: Have you considered having him come with you to your gyno appointment and letting him hear what she says? Without going into a lot of detail, my husband was similar to your fiance and I brought him with me to my appointment where the 3 (him, myself and doctor) discussed it and he started to understand. I think it helped that he heard it from the doctor and not me repeating what the doctor said and he could ask his own questions right there too.

To the 2nd bold part: You can actually help with that. Ask him what number he would like to see AND what number he would be comfortable with.(sometimes those numbers are different - Ex: He would like to see $20,000 but would be comfortable with $15,000 (just the first numbers I thought of). Then make a plan together for how to reach that number. Then check / track your progress every 2 months and make adjustments as necessary.

To the 3rd bold part: People will ask - that's life but for the most part they leave people alone when the couple has made it known there will be no baby right away (like you and your fiance have). After the initial buzz about the wedding / marriage is over, baby crazy people tend to move on to the next newly married couple or something else that they're focused on.

amanda_s. · October 2016

Thank you for your advice, I really appreciate it!

We ended up talking again and I expressed my feelings I think in a much better way than last time. While we still didn't get to a number with our finances, we did set a preliminary date - our first anniversary (12/3/17). We decided that will be when I go off of birth control and we wouldn't actively TTC until March 2018. It ends up being a middle-ground for both of us, which I think makes him more comfortable with savings and me happier with knowing we're not waiting too long to TTC.

izza2 · October 2016

It's fantastic that you and your H were able to talk through things and set a preliminary date for TTC/NTNP!

If you're still worried about TTC over 30; I just want to give you a little heads up. The TTC game doesn't change until you're 35. < 35 years of age, you're still at the "normal" fertility level, with the same 20% chance of conceiving each month of well-timed intercourse. You would still need to wait a full year of TTC with no results before consulting a Reproductive Endocrinologist.
The time that things change is when you're 35+, and the difference there is that you should only wait 6 months before seeing a RE if you have no results.
There are plenty of women here on TB and offline that don't start TTC until they're in their 30s -- the same age as you -- and plenty that don't start until they're over 35, but end up with their take-home baby. Don't start counting yourself out because you're in your 30s and may be 32 or 33 when you start TTC. My mother was 39 years old when she got pregnant with me, and she had her tubes tied. You're still in the prime reproductive age range.

Good luck, and I hope the next year goes quickly for you.

ShadeofGreen816 · October 2016

You have gotten some amazing advice and I won't repeat what's been said. I do want to mention that in your first 3-4 months on a particular BC pill, breakthrough bleeding is really normal, and I'm honestly a little surprised your doc let you keep switching after (what sounded like in your OP) a month or two. I realize that still doesn't explain the Yaz issue but it's possible that your body has changed and that particular dosage just isn't working for you anymore.

Also, on the pill you shouldn't be ovulating. The bleeding may occur around the time that ovulation might typically occur if you weren't on the pill but the whole goal of the pill is to prevent ovulation.

If you're comfortable with your new OB it probably let wouldn't hurt to ask about an ultrasound to make sure you don't have any physical reason for the irregular bleeding. My OBGYN did one when I was having some breakthrough bleeding - it was normal, but that was good to know.

Finally, FWIW (not much) MH and I were also in a situation where we had to wait to TTC. I had been on all the birth controls over the years and actually had the Mirena IUD for a bit (highly recommend). About 10-12 months before we knew we were going to TTC I went off BC all together and I tracked my cycles and we used condoms when necessary. I loved being off BC and getting to know my body again, and honestly it's not hard to NOT get pregnant if you're trying. That may be something worth looking into for you eventually. I felt so much more myself off BC. Plus it gave me lots of "data" so that when we decided to TTC I knew my cycles and I think it gave us an advantage (plus we were lucky and it happened fast).

Sorry for the novel. Just some things to think about!

amanda_s. · October 2016

izza2 said:

It's fantastic that you and your H were able to talk through things and set a preliminary date for TTC/NTNP!

If you're still worried about TTC over 30; I just want to give you a little heads up. The TTC game doesn't change until you're 35. < 35 years of age, you're still at the "normal" fertility level, with the same 20% chance of conceiving each month of well-timed intercourse. You would still need to wait a full year of TTC with no results before consulting a Reproductive Endocrinologist.
The time that things change is when you're 35+, and the difference there is that you should only wait 6 months before seeing a RE if you have no results.
There are plenty of women here on TB and offline that don't start TTC until they're in their 30s -- the same age as you -- and plenty that don't start until they're over 35, but end up with their take-home baby. Don't start counting yourself out because you're in your 30s and may be 32 or 33 when you start TTC. My mother was 39 years old when she got pregnant with me, and she had her tubes tied. You're still in the prime reproductive age range.

Good luck, and I hope the next year goes quickly for you.

ShadeofGreen816 said:

You have gotten some amazing advice and I won't repeat what's been said. I do want to mention that in your first 3-4 months on a particular BC pill, breakthrough bleeding is really normal, and I'm honestly a little surprised your doc let you keep switching after (what sounded like in your OP) a month or two. I realize that still doesn't explain the Yaz issue but it's possible that your body has changed and that particular dosage just isn't working for you anymore.

Also, on the pill you shouldn't be ovulating. The bleeding may occur around the time that ovulation might typically occur if you weren't on the pill but the whole goal of the pill is to prevent ovulation.

If you're comfortable with your new OB it probably let wouldn't hurt to ask about an ultrasound to make sure you don't have any physical reason for the irregular bleeding. My OBGYN did one when I was having some breakthrough bleeding - it was normal, but that was good to know.

Finally, FWIW (not much) MH and I were also in a situation where we had to wait to TTC. I had been on all the birth controls over the years and actually had the Mirena IUD for a bit (highly recommend). About 10-12 months before we knew we were going to TTC I went off BC all together and I tracked my cycles and we used condoms when necessary. I loved being off BC and getting to know my body again, and honestly it's not hard to NOT get pregnant if you're trying. That may be something worth looking into for you eventually. I felt so much more myself off BC. Plus it gave me lots of "data" so that when we decided to TTC I knew my cycles and I think it gave us an advantage (plus we were lucky and it happened fast).

Sorry for the novel. Just some things to think about!

izza2: Thank you so much. Looking back at the last week, I was very emotional (with my new BCP and the birth of my friend's baby). I was thinking yesterday that I was telling that exact friend who just had her baby at 30 and will be 31 next month, whenever she was TTC, to not worry because she's healthy and young at 30. I had the same fears she did this time last year. I should have been listening to my own advice! And YES I hope this next year goes very, very quickly

ShadeofGreen816: After Yaz, she put me on Minastrin (some kind of new, chewable - mint flavored BCPs. They were gross). I was on those pills for 2 months - didn't have any spotting - but I was horrible, horrible bloating. I already have stomach issues as it is... (diagnosed Celiac Disease - going on 5 years - and dietary fructose malabsorption).. and Minastrin made it 10x worse. So I (stupidly) asked for Yaz back because at this point I was very frustrated with everything and she gave it to me. (WHY, I don't know but she did.) But, I started spotting again while on Yaz (2 months this time around), so now I'm on Orsythia (21 pills). This is my second pill pack and I have spotted both times. It's always at the end of Week 2, too. I'll definitely ask about the ultrasound whenever I go to the new OB - thanks for the suggestion!

I can't wait to go off BC, which will hopefully get my body back on track. This past year just has me fed up with the pills and my body.

Thanks for the information and advice, ladies. I really appreciate it and it's all helped me feel much more at ease with everything!

doula-mama · October 2016

@amanda_s. I think @ShadeofGreen816 said about going off BC nailed it. You may want to think about checking out Taking Charge of Your Fertility (it's beneficial for trying and preventing), and learning more about your cycles. It may give you the confidence to go off BC, which could make you feel better/relieve some stress of switching/side effects. I also went off BC well before were were ready to TTC, and it was so empowering to know that I KNEW when I was fertile and to be careful, and when we didn't have to worry. It also made me feel like I was doing something to get myself ready for TTC, as like you, I had a lot of worries about being over 30 and starting the process.

mfalone · January 2017

After my own fertility issues, the advice I give people who are not ttc yet, but want to in the future is: If you feel like something is wrong, get it checked now (if possible) rather than waiting. I always had a feeling, since I was about 18, that I would have trouble. My periods were always irregular with a very long time in between (2+ months). It wasn't until 1.5 years into ttc that I actually got checked and found I wasn't ovulating at all. Once that was cleared up and we knew what we needed to do, it took only 3 months.

Long story short, if something feels off, better to know for sure than wonder.

amanda_s. · January 2017

Thanks all! After yet another cycle of spotting this month, my ob/gyn asked me to come in and discuss other birth control methods, other than the pill. DH and I talked it over and we decided that it'd be pointless for me to use another form of birth control recommended by the doctor (like IUD, the DEPO shot, etc.), since we're going to begin TTC in December of this year. Instead, we're going to try the Fertility Awareness Method and use condoms.

I took my last BCP on Saturday and I'm *hoping* the spotting, and every other issue I've been having, stops and I can get my body back on track. Fingers crossed!

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