I Regret Joining This Site

LindsayRS · October 2016

I am just like the rest of the women here, I am struggling to become pregnant or "Trying to Conceive" I posted my journey and some questions regarding my current situation. I was not asking if I was pregnant or not. I've been on a tough journey as well as a lot of other women. Posting a meme of someone eating popcorn as to say they were going to watch my post as if it were a dramatic joke is just plain mean and rude. My struggle has been difficult and I wouldn't recommend other ladies to this site full of bullies. I feel sorry for the ladies who jumped all over me on my post, I wasn't trying to hurt any of you, but you sure wanted to put a new member on blast immediately. Maybe had you read my entire post you'd know I wasn't asking if I were pregnant.

Take care

lulu1180 · October 2016

You can't barge into an established community without any regard for the feelings of those here!! If you are having a hard time, don't you think that there are many on here who are also having a hard time?? You didn't read the pinned posts and obviously did little to no lurking before you created not just one, but two!! pointless posts. Read my comment on your original post, I was perfectly nice. Don't come on here and call people that I consider friends mean and rude just because you wanted to be speshul and ignore our board rules and etiquette!

LindsayRS · October 2016

Are you kidding me? You're insanely condescending especially in calling me "special" I'm sorry, but jumping on a new member is not the way that you treat someone you don't know anything about. It's quite possible that I am new to the site and I would like a warm welcome. I apologize for not reading some of the things I should have, but I was in a moment of grief and I wanted to talk to someone who may be experiencing the same thing. It would be nice if you knew what the definition of respectful actually was. You are on a power trip, enjoy it boo.

lulu1180 · October 2016

No, I'm pissed off that I decided to log in tonight to see someone like you who has absolutely no regard for this established community! I may not have been trying nearly as long as you have but that doesn't mean that I can't be having an incredibly rough TTC day (which I am). And seeing your post just made it a whole lot worse. You "weren't asking if you're pregnant" is a bunch of crap. You were asking in a very roundabout way if you are KU or if there is any way you could be KU by asking if others have been in that situation. You have no idea what some of these ladies on here have been through and at any given time, there is probably at least a dozen of us having a hard day and we don't need someone like you that can't take a little flaming because you don't care to stop and read the rules during the 3 days that you're restricted from posting.

I'll say it again, this is such an amazing and supportive community. If you truly want to experience it and see what it is like then please do stick around but lurk a whole lot more and read all of the pinned posts. Although I don't really expect you to stick around with such a bunch of "bullies"

AndiPandi127 · October 2016

LindsayRS · October 2016

And I'll just reply with this, you have no idea WHAT I have been through. I in no way wish to hurt anyone here, it simply was not my intent. Nor was it a ROUND about way to ask if I was pregnant. I know very well that MY chances to conceive are very low naturally, thank you. Especially a big thank you for making me feel like crap, but it doesn't matter really. You are not someone I would ever want support from. I wish you well in your journey, and I even hope you get pregnant soon and that the baby is happy and healthy. Don't tell me I don't respect these women, I may not know them, but I know their journeys are probably similar to mine, at least some of them anyways. I hope you feel better, I'll stick to baby center.

Everycol0r · October 2016

manillabar · October 2016

@lindsayrs actually, you were the one who was disrespectful. You have to look at this board as a group of people in a conversation and you interrupted just to talk about yourself and draw attention to your positive pregnancy tests, which you posted (which is against TOU). You didn't bother to learn the culture; you didn't try to see how things go here, you just cared about drawing attention to yourself and getting answers for yourself. That's rude. And creating yet another thread to talk about how you wish you didn't come here in the first place is even ruder.

WillRunForWine21 · October 2016

@LindsayRS FWIW... I am a relatively new member here as well. I have also had a tough road thus far and am likely looking at a tough road ahead because of medical issues for both my husband and myself. What I did here was read the newbie guide, buy the book "taking change of your fertility", read it cover to cover, take my temperature and understand both the actual science of TTGP as well as the social norms of the established community. What I have gained are an amazing group of friends who understand the feelings of every day of the journey. As @lulu1180 said it's a wonderful and forgiving community, learn the science and come join us. We are happy to support. If ypu are choosing a site that will tell you that you could be pregnant based on insignificant and insufficient data than by all means go. If you come here with a FF chart, CM checks and actual questions then there are so many who want to and can help.

LindsayRS · October 2016

I appreciate that, but I have never been treated this way as a new member. There are supportive ladies on those other sites as well, I've been a member of What to Expect and BabyCenter for a long time. I thought I would try the bump also, but it's just been terrible. I don't understand how anyone could jump on someone the way these ladies have, when they were new. I understand, I didn't know I had to read a bunch of things and lurk posts to get answers, I simply don't have time to do that. I don't spend a lot of time online, but it's been a long haul, and I needed to get some support from other women in my situation. I read reviews that the people were bossy and rude here and I didn't want to feed into that, and I wanted to try it anyways and I did. And wow.

I appreciate you, and I know not everyone is like that, but it's just insane how people jumped on me. I wasn't trying to get attention or say "Look at my test, HAHA" because I'm actually not pregnant and haven't been able to get that way. However, here's to hoping and I wish you all well regardless. Take care x

NamelessAria · October 2016

I regret you joining this site also.

Image: https://media4.giphy.com/media/Oy2zKS5DgEKxG/200.gif#11

I spent 21 months TTC#1. I had 6 losses. And in that time you now how often I went onto a forum and disrespected that community? Never. You're not the only one who has struggled. Don't turn this into the pain Olympics as an excuse for your behavior. You think everyone here has had an early journey? You're wrong if you think that.

I'm sorry for your loss. I'm sorry for your struggles with IF. I'm sorry for whatever else you're going through that you didn't mention. But I don't see you showing the same respect and consideration to other suffering ladies as you expect them to show you. And that just isn't right.

leekat14 · October 2016

Lurk and read the rules.

saralee797-2 · October 2016

So you break the rules by posting against the TOU and then you follow it up with a dear diary post about how you regret joining this community in the first place?! Oh that makes sense.

DungeonTrollMel · October 2016

I just find it amazing that people miss the "read this first" thread. It's at the very top. Directly under that "new discussion" button you seem to love clicking so damn much

[Deleted User] · October 2016

<div class=" Quote"><span> I didn't know I had to read a bunch of things and lurk posts to get answers, I simply don't have time to do that. I don't spend a lot of time online, but it's been a long haul, and I needed to get some support from other women in my situation.</span></div><span>Newsflash: this is how a COMMUNITY is built. It takes time. If that is something you don't have time for, then I don't know what level of actual meaningful support you are ever going to find, anywhere.

For example, a person might go out to a bar, commiserate over a few drinks, and VOILA! that person is your instant "bff"! But you don't really know one another at all, and the next night, you're commisterating with someone else who knows equally little about you. Hop on the hamster wheel of "support" all you want. But we have found so much more than superficial single-serving support here, because we are posting day in, day out, getting to know one another. What the other women here have been through, where they are coming from, their favourite books and shows, what kind of cosmetics they wear, their pets, their favourite childhood memories, what's going on this weekend and on and on...

That is why we are protective of our community. We will welcome anyone with open arms who shows an interest in getting to know us, too! But your post was totally self-centered, and that's not the kind of attitude that works around here. You have to give support to get it. Unless that's not really what you're looking for. GL.
</span>

Bringmemylongswordho · October 2016

RunRestRepeat · October 2016

@DungeonTrollMel I'm honestly trying to figure out what people do during their three day restriction if they aren't lurking and trying to learn about this community.

And @lulu1180 - so many creepy internet hugs to you; I know you didn't need this, especially today.

lulu1180 · October 2016

@RunRestRepeat especially considering the OP joined in June, at least according to her profile.

SaphireSweetie88 · October 2016

LindsayRS said:

I am just like the rest of the women here, I am struggling to become pregnant or "Trying to Conceive" I posted my journey and some questions regarding my current situation. I was not asking if I was pregnant or not. I've been on a tough journey as well as a lot of other women. Posting a meme of someone eating popcorn as to say they were going to watch my post as if it were a dramatic joke is just plain mean and rude. My struggle has been difficult and I wouldn't recommend other ladies to this site full of bullies. I feel sorry for the ladies who jumped all over me on my post, I wasn't trying to hurt any of you, but you sure wanted to put a new member on blast immediately. Maybe had you read my entire post you'd know I wasn't asking if I were pregnant.

Take care

LindsayRS said:

Are you kidding me? You're insanely condescending especially in calling me "special" I'm sorry, but jumping on a new member is not the way that you treat someone you don't know anything about. It's quite possible that I am new to the site and I would like a warm welcome. I apologize for not reading some of the things I should have, but I was in a moment of grief and I wanted to talk to someone who may be experiencing the same thing. It would be nice if you knew what the definition of respectful actually was. You are on a power trip, enjoy it boo.

LindsayRS said:

And I'll just reply with this, you have no idea WHAT I have been through. I in no way wish to hurt anyone here, it simply was not my intent. Nor was it a ROUND about way to ask if I was pregnant. I know very well that MY chances to conceive are very low naturally, thank you. Especially a big thank you for making me feel like crap, but it doesn't matter really. You are not someone I would ever want support from. I wish you well in your journey, and I even hope you get pregnant soon and that the baby is happy and healthy. Don't tell me I don't respect these women, I may not know them, but I know their journeys are probably similar to mine, at least some of them anyways. I hope you feel better, I'll stick to baby center.

LindsayRS said:

I appreciate that, but I have never been treated this way as a new member. There are supportive ladies on those other sites as well, I've been a member of What to Expect and BabyCenter for a long time. I thought I would try the bump also, but it's just been terrible. I don't understand how anyone could jump on someone the way these ladies have, when they were new. I understand, I didn't know I had to read a bunch of things and lurk posts to get answers, I simply don't have time to do that. I don't spend a lot of time online, but it's been a long haul, and I needed to get some support from other women in my situation. I read reviews that the people were bossy and rude here and I didn't want to feed into that, and I wanted to try it anyways and I did. And wow.

I appreciate you, and I know not everyone is like that, but it's just insane how people jumped on me. I wasn't trying to get attention or say "Look at my test, HAHA" because I'm actually not pregnant and haven't been able to get that way. However, here's to hoping and I wish you all well regardless. Take care x

QFP

Really @LindsayRS ??

To the 1st bold part:

To the 2nd bold part: No. You feel sorry for YOURSELF because you were corrected / reminded how this community works.

To the 3rd bold part: You want a warm welcome but don't / didn't take the time to read the things you should have - that you even admit to knowing you should have read first. How does that make any sense?

To the 4th bold part: The ladies here know the definition of respect but to get respect you have to give respect. That includes reading and lurking to see how this community works before posting.

To the 5th bold part: Wrong again. We're all on the same journey so we know what it's like and there are a lot of us who are going through the SAME thing. It's hard for you and it hard for me and it's hard for every lady on here.

To the 6th bold part: Apparently you do / did since you made an account here, waited the time before being able to post and then make a post....

To the 7th bold part: It doesn't seem like you do. If you do, show it.

To the 8th bold part: Go ahead. Bye.

To the 9th (and last) bold part: Yes you did. You even said so in the 3rd bold part. Also, you said you don't have time to do that, but yet you're on TWO other sites AND you're taking the time to reply back to this thread. You obviously have time.

Finally, I just want to say that these ladies are VERY supportive - more supportive that some of my own friends. They're also forgiving. If you would have just owned up to your mistake and moved on instead of yet creating another drama filled dear diary I got my feelings hurt post, they would have moved on too. If you're not happy hear for whatever reason, then just leave -- no need to try to cause drama. It's not going to hurt our feelings.

kiki75 · October 2016

We're sorry, too.

kiki75 · October 2016

I didn't know I had to read a bunch of things and lurk posts to get answers, I simply don't have time to do that. I don't spend a lot of time online, but it's been a long haul, and I needed to get some support from other women in my situation.

Oh, I see. Your time is important and you're busy so you couldn't even possibly read the rules, much less offer any support to anyone else. We, on the other hand, don't have anything else to do besides sit around waiting for a stranger to pop in so we can rush to support them.

I read reviews that the people were bossy and rude here and I didn't want to feed into that, and I wanted to try it anyways and I did. And wow.

Oddly enough, I have not had anyone be bossy or rude to me. Maybe it was because I... read the newbie guide, followed the suggestions in it, lurked to get a feel for the community, offered support, and generally followed social norms around here. Maybe try that.

There are supportive ladies on those other sites as well, I've been a member of What to Expect and BabyCenter for a long time.

So glad you enjoy those sites so much and have found so much support there that you turned to The Bump.

I'm sorry for what you're going through but plenty of people here have gone through losses, infertility diagnoses, and more and have managed to do it without treating members of this community like crap. Having a hard time doesn't give you carte blanche to treat others poorly.

Plenty of people join this site and, after lurking a while, find that it's not what they're looking for. And then they do a truly shocking thing, and just move on without making a whole post about how horrible everyone here is. A number of ladies went out of their way to be nice to you, @lulu1180 being one of them, and you went out of your way to be rude to them.

BumpAdmin · October 2016

Hi all,

Maintaining a welcoming environment in the community is something we take very seriously. We welcome debate and engaging dialogue from all perspectives here. We do not tolerate bullying. If you feel you’ve experienced bullying within the community,

Please:

Flag comments that violate our TOU by using the “Report a TOU Violation” feature below posts

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Post on the boards about your grievances with the community or individual members. Doing so tends to result in unproductive arguments among members and escalates situations.

By flagging posts that violate the TOU and sharing your concerns directly with our moderators, we are able to address issues promptly and properly.

We will be closing this thread for further comments. Thank you.

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