Babyshower talk

NinaLCC · August 2016

Who is throwing your baby shower?

Do you think 2 baby showers is too much? I know my husbands family will throw one, but it will most likely be like our wedding, where they were so proud of HIM getting married, that they took pictures of/with him and pretty much excluded me and I know the shower will not be about "us" and there will be a million people I have never met, so I would like to have a separate shower with just friends (my family does not live in the country). The issue is that none of my friends have offered to host it and I don't know how to ask. Any tips/suggestions? My husbands family is very happy about the baby and I know they will include me more after the baby is born, but I feel anxious about a party, where I don't know the people and definitely do not want strangers touching my tummy. Sorry for venting!

Also, when would you like to have yours? Since we are all January Mamas/Papas here, I feel like December is a month people would not be able to make it and I personally would not want to be ready to pop when sitting through a shower. I would prefer October or early November.

LastMango · August 2016

I'll start off by saying that I will not be having a baby shower as this is my second child. Last time around I was thrown 3 separate showers by 3 different hosts, so no, I do not think that 2 showers is too much.

However, you should not ask anyone to throw one for you. A shower is a gift to you, therefore not something you ask for. If you'd like to celebrate the baby with close friends, then invite them all out to brunch or a spa day.

Also, I think October/November is perfect timing.

ashanne88 · August 2016

I would mention to one/some of your friends that you would really like to do a get together before the baby is born. Don't phrase it as having a shower because that might come across as gift grabby, but rather as a way to celebrate the new baby on the way and to enjoy their company before your life changes. I'm sorry that your husbands family would turn a shower into more of a spectacle and would make you uncomfortable.

In terms of timing, I think October to early November is perfect. There was a shower thread a while back and that timing seemed to be the general consensus of when people were having them.

Teach123 · August 2016

Agreed that you can't ask someone to throw the shower for you. They need to be the ones to contact you about it. You could have some kind of meet the baby party after the baby is born, or you could invite your family to the shower his family is throwing. Since your family doesn't live in the country, they may think oh gosh we need to throw her a shower here since they likely won't make it to the other shower.

shlecks · August 2016

For me, I am pretty sure I will be having 2-3 showers. My aunt has already called "dibs" on throwing one back home after the baby comes. Then my sister will throw one probably when I'm around 30 weeks (early November) and I have a feeling my husband's aunts will want to throw one like they did for our wedding with his family. I figure just go with the flow. And I agree, maybe if no one offers to throw you one, just organize a get-together since you will be out of commission for a bit after baby.

lindsladle15 · August 2016

I had several showers with my first. One back home in IN, one here in OH, then also a close family one.
No showers for me for #2 and I assume #3. If someone offered to have a sprinkle or a little get together, I'd be gracious and excited, but would not expect anything.
I understand your wanting to have a separate shower than DH's side, as it sounds uncomfortable, but I don't think it's right to ask for one. I like some PP suggestions.

LCartee2016 · August 2016

I know my mom is planning two (Her choice. She prefers keeping family and friends separate.) and my church family is going to throw a joint one for me and J (dh). So no, I don't believe two is too many, especially if others have offered to throw them for you.

ChaoticWolf · August 2016

We actually just recently had a thread on the whole "when should people plan our showers for" topic. Most agreed that Novemner was the ideal time.

canavara · September 2016

Resurrecting this zombie thread. How many people is everyone inviting/did invite to theirs? My cousin and aunt are organizing mine and I'm terrified of inviting too many people! We have like 20 friends we've thought of, not including close family and I'm not sure if I should pare that list down to something smaller so that it doesn't go over 20 with family guests included.

cjs260 · September 2016

@canavara I have ~20 at each of my showers. One hosted by my MIL for family in H's home state (my mom and sister are coming down) and one hosted by my friends here where I live now.

surlyjaneausten · September 2016

@canavara I have about 33 people on my list.

The thing I'm most nervous about is that my mom and mother in law are co-hosting and my MIL tends to invite anyone and everyone no matter what (many of our wedding guests I had never even met before). I'm scared she'll just go ahead and invite people I didn't put on my guest list.

Wholesome · September 2016

My MIL asked be about a shower over the weekend. It was the first time anyone brought something like that up. I wasn't surprised though because this is my second and many think ONLY the first should get a party. I truly believe that all babies need a celebration party of some sort but not a full shower like with the first baby. I texted her yesterday and agreed that we can have some sort of baby party but maybe call it a diaper party as one of the main things we need this time around is size 1 AppleCheeks and inserts, etc. We'll see how this all pans out.

ETA
i totally forgot about your initial question - ha! 2 showers isn't uncommon. Many have work showers and family showers. I had a friend/church shower and then a family shower back in my hometown. Neither were ideal but I'm glad for them.

Wholesome · September 2016

I'd only invite people that we spend time with and a few acquaintances. With my last, my friend/church shower was weird because people I hardly know (from church) were there and being very overt and attention-seeking when I didn't even know their name... weird. My family shower back home was weird because I had family there who I didn't even know. This time around, I'll the keep celebration we have at home to those who we'd have over for holiday dinners and spend time with socially, that's it, except maybe a few that I'd like to get to know more.

mommy2ane · September 2016

canavara said:

Resurrecting this zombie thread. How many people is everyone inviting/did invite to theirs? My cousin and aunt are organizing mine and I'm terrified of inviting too many people! We have like 20 friends we've thought of, not including close family and I'm not sure if I should pare that list down to something smaller so that it doesn't go over 20 with family guests included.

I'd ask your aunt and cousin how many people you can invite. They know their budget and what they can accommodate so they can lead you in the right direction. My MIL and my mom co-hosted mine at my MIL's house and after close family, they made my list a priority over their friends (some I had no idea who they were). It ended up being a big one (50 + people) since it included both my side and my husband's side plus my friends.

christac1010 · September 2016

My shower is being hosted by my mom with help from my MIL. It will include both sides of our families and my friends. The guest list is around 65. I come from a big Italian family (my grandma is one of 16 children), so I knew what to expect. I would almost rather get it over in one day than multiple, small showers. Plus our families get along well. I'm just more concerned about getting everything home from the party house.

jsl82 · September 2016

Like @christac1010 I have a large family (except we are Irish instead of Italian) so like my bridal shower I am expecting this to be very large as well. DHs family lives 4 hours away from us, so we will have 2 showers. Both showers will have guest lists around 50 people. And I am also worried about getting everything home. I'm assuming at least 10 guests from each shower are unable to attend.
My MIL is throwing the shower at her home and it will be co ed as I didn't want s baby shower and would only agree if DH was there. My side is bigger so will only be women and my mom is renting out a banquet hall and throwing a brunch.
I'm dreading being the center of attention, having everyone touching my stomach, and opening gifts. I'm also worried about what to wear since I really only want to wear pajama pants all day everyday. Real clothes are just going to add to my level of discomfort.

Emma61210 · September 2016

I don't even want to say how many invitations we sent out! Lol! We sent out around 100. But we also combined 4 showers into one big one (mom's family/friends, DH family, my friends and our church). My shower is next weekend and I'm super excited

therealfrizzle · September 2016

Guest lists are a sore spot between my MIL and me. During the course of our wedding, she had a freak out because we told her she couldn't invite all of her friends due to the size of a venue (she found a different venue and booked us a tour after we had already paid for the one we fell in love with, begged us to reconsider our choice, it got crazy). So, even though my BFF is throwing it, I've offered to pay for the large clubhouse in our neighborhood (and anything else that may be out of budget) and allow MIL to invite whomever she wants. Our neighborhood is a good hour at least away from her and her friends, so many may not attend. We're also doing it the weekend before Thanksgiving, so many people (even from our list) might be busy, but it was the best weekend for DH to get off work and I couldn't imagine doing a shower without him. MIL has a lot of trips coming up that were preplanned prior us knowing we were pregnant, so she'll be too busy to throw a separate shower with just her friends, so a large, combined shower would be best for us and help take the stress down a notch. We'll probably end up inviting more than 50 people.

laufisch · September 2016

So I actually did ask my sister-in-law to throw my shower. My mom is paying for everything but my parents are divorced and my family and my in-laws don't play nice together, so my SIL hosting was the only way i could think of to avoid a bunch of unwanted drama.

She was fine with me asking, since she knows how crazy our family is. I think it helps we have a good relationship and I wasn't asking her to pay for anything.

To be honest I didn't know it was rude to ask until after I already did (I asked her at around 10w). Fortunately for me my SIL is awesome and knows me well enough to know when I do these things I'm not trying to be rude.

My shower is this weekend. We invited 55 people and 37 people are coming. We're having it this weekend because it was the easiest for my SIL. I'll be 26 weeks for the shower.

newyearsbaby5 · September 2016

I want to say that there were 60 or so people invited to the shower thrown by my mom's friends (8 hosts! but I didn't want more than 2 showers) and maybe 30 to my friends shower (co-ed shower). I don't expect friends to get me a gift and I told my mom to go crazy and have whoever she wants to the bigger shower. The less I have to buy, the better

. People love buying stuff for babies (you know, when they're at a place in their life when they can afford that stuff. I personally hate buying stuff for babies, thus, the big shower.).

My only stress is that the big shower is not until the last weekend of Nov. and anatomy scan puts me at 12/26 due date (and really, I'm hoping for a week+ before that so I can enjoy the holidays!). I am going to be SO huge trying to organize the baby's room, but luckily I have awesome friends and family who I can (and will have to) rely on for help. If things are already starting to get tiring to do now, I can only imagine what it will be like then.

amaren-2 · September 2016

Baby shower has given me anxiety. I had a terribly attended bridal shower so I worry the same thing will happen for the baby shower. My sisters are throwing it but I don't have a very long list to begin with so I am worried about having the same problem again, especially because it is the weekend before Thanksgiving. I told H I didn't want to be involved in a baby shower planning and my dream would just be surprised. Lol. That way I don't have expectations.

My work is throwing me a shower in a few weeks. That to me is less stressful because they are just planning it and I will just show up!

AlicjaB · September 2016

We are most likely not having a shower at all. My parents moved to the US about 25 years ago, and so being the oldest child, they do not know these baby shower customs, and I am not going to ask because they have done SO MUCH for me. My sister is awesome, but very oblivious. Plus she still lives with my parents.

From DH's side, no one could really host it, not enough space. Funny how earlier this year our cousin hosted her own baby shower and everyone complained it was in bad taste. Now, not a single peep of an offer. Maybe if someone offered, she wouldnt feel the need to host her own, but anyway. Our place is being remodeled (first the front yard with the fence, garage door etc, now the kitchen), but not like I would host my own shower anyways. And this is fine, I don't mind not having a shower. All of our friends keep asking when the shower is and I dont know what to tell them, so they don't know the custom either I guess.

And if someone does offer, everyone else in the family will jump to inviting everyone, so it'll be about 100 people in one house. Too much drama and stress, I don't need that. But DH is persistent on hosting our own shower. I suggested maybe just have one big party, not a shower, in November as we will not be able to host as many parties as we have once the baby comes.

What we might do, for a family get together, is possibly host a "Welcome Baby" party either late January or early February. But it's still all up in the air right now, we'll see. Just trying not to stress about it.

hayhay2501 · September 2016

My friend's hosting my shower and I'll have around 20 people there. I'm so lucky I'm having one at all as they're really just becoming a thing in the UK. DH's mom, aunt and cousin will be there (he's not from a super close family and none of them live in London) and then the rest are friends.

Its going to be afternoon tea themed and I think it'll be pretty low key! Hoping to have a little thing in America with baby and my family when we head over in May.

shlecks · September 2016

My shower is mid November and I finished my guest list yesterday with 41 people. This includes people from back home who won't be able to come, but just wanting to include them anyway. So I am betting there will be ~20 actually there. My aunt and cousin want to do one after he's born next year back home, so that'll be mostly just a "meet and greet" for him with the bonus of maybe some goodies.

AriB08 · September 2016

New Question: I've attended several baby showers in the past and my one complaint is I hate sitting through all the gift opening. I know that sounds rude, but I've been to larger showers where it takes over an hour to get through the gifts because it's a large guest list. I am travelling out of state to go home for my shower and it will be one including family, friends, and all my old coworkers. My list is close to 50 people. I fear my gift opening will be a long session like those I hate but I am worried that people will feel jipped if I don't show off all their wonderful presents. I will most definitely write out thank yous to everyone regardless of how I orchestrate things. Please don't get me wrong, I am over the moon when anyone even thinks to gift us anything I just don't want to subject to that if I'm not the only one who hates it.
So, am I the only one?!
Are there alternatives to the gift opening ceremony?

AlicjaB · September 2016

@AriB08 I hear it from many people, the gift opening ceremony can be dreadful with a big guest list. I went to a shower 2 years ago and they didn't open the gifts at all, but they did send the thank you cards right away. People didn't seem offended, but more relieved they didn't have to go through it lol. Also, the couple made sure to send pics of the baby with the stuff they gifted, which I really liked. Got a picture message of their baby in the clothes and blanket I picked out!

christac1010 · September 2016

@AriB08 I'm dreading the gift opening. My mom forced me to open every gift, as well as all the cards, at my bridal shower. I think the one thing that helped at my bridal shower was playing gift bingo. It gave people something to do while I opened my gifts. Plus I hate games so this was a compromise with my mother and bridesmaids who love games. I also might take a tip from my best friend's baby shower. We essentially set it up like an assembly line - one person gathered gifts, one person began opening the more difficult gifts (too much tape or simply holding heavy boxes for her), she opened the gifts, one person took the cards and wrote the gifts inside, another person took the gifts and/or trash, and the last person neatly stacked everything away. It sounds complicated, but it really helped to keep the flow of gifts.

shlecks · September 2016

@AriB08 I think that depends on your guest list. For instance, my MIL would probably be super offended if I didn't open gifts at the shower because she'd want to see what everyone else bought and see how people react to what she bought. But I think having a game or something like they said^ will help a ton!

canavara · September 2016

Yeah I read a lot of things last night saying to skip the gift opening (I think one of the things I read mentioned not wrapping gifts and mentioning in the invite that the gifts would be on display or something, so it saves time?)

NinaLCC · September 2016

No one still hasnt offered to host our shower... if I lived in my home country, I know people would have already hosted it. I discussed this with my mom (who does not live in the US) and she said she would host it if no one else does, when she comes in December (as if anyone would come right before the holidays)! I don't want it to be that way though, but want someone to offer to host it. My mother-in-law might host one at some point, but again, if they don't ask my husband anything, we wont have any friends attending and the party will be full of people we don't know. I have a very busy schedule, so in order for someone to nail down a date, I need them to come forward! I feel like I'm just complaining about this, but have come to notice that is upsets me that no one has offered (expenses can always be shared and we would be happy to contribute also). People have asked "when are you having your shower" and we have told them, when someones throws us one and nothing.

AlicjaB · September 2016

@NinaLCC I feel ya, I am in the same boat with you. But that is why we might do a "Welcome Baby" party where everyone meets the baby and hopefully bring gifts the baby will need soon. However, gifts will only be optional. If we have a shower, everyone will gift newborn baby clothes which is nice but I won't need a lot of them. I will need 3m, 6m, 9m, 12m clothes!

jsl82 · September 2016

@AriB08 I could not agree more! I HATE the long opening gifts ceremonies.

My bridal shower was thrown in my aunt's house- and having a large family- there were around 40-50 guests. My mother made me open gifts- saying that people were asking when I was going to open gifts. Not everyone could fit in the room with the gifts so the party was still going on in the other rooms and I felt like I was missing out on my own shower. Plus at least being on display for over an hour during my bridal shower came with the option of drinking A LOT- I'm going to be completely sober this time. My mom rented out a banquet hall this time- so everyone will be in the same room and all eyes will be on me. I'm dreading it.

I've been looking for alternatives on pintrest and found picture booths and decorating onsie or making baby bows/headband activities that I could suggest. Another option is to ask the guest to bring the gifts unwrapped so everyone can still see the baby stuff (which for the people that want to see the gifts being opened gives them what they want). I find the showers that skip the gift opening ceremony have a good party flow- and encourage people to walk around and mingle.

KRB22 · September 2016

@AlicjaB @NinaLCC I am not having a shower either. My mom and sisters asked if I wanted 1, and I declined. This is partially because my bridal shower was overly stressful for me. I have a large family and it ended up being over 60 people, which was just sisters/aunts/cousins from 1 side of my family, my mom and MIL, and a handful of close friends.

I have a few other reasons for wanting to skip the shower, but mainly I'd rather buy the things I want and need for myself (I'm kind of particular). A lot of my family members don't typically buy from registries so there's a good chance I'd end up with a lot of extraneous stuff.

I also prefer to save the real celebration for after the baby arrives (call me a little superstitious maybe). We are planning to baptize the baby, so I think my husband and I will probably throw a big party when we do that in the spring. I think a Welcome Baby or Sip n See is a great idea too.

I recently went to a baby shower for my cousin's wife, and there were like 80 guests. The gift opening was brutal, especially for the very pregnant mom to be. But I agree, at least around here, some people would definitely be offended if the gifts weren't opened at the party.

My sisters keep asking if we can do something low key in lieu of a shower, but I don't have any great ideas. Might just end up doing a girls brunch or have them all over to help set up the nursery or something.

aishmc · September 2016

@AriB08 I am hoping to skip the gift opening. It takes too long and I get awkward opening things in front of everyone.

Knottie1443924966 · September 2016

canavara said:

Yeah I read a lot of things last night saying to skip the gift opening (I think one of the things I read mentioned not wrapping gifts and mentioning in the invite that the gifts would be on display or something, so it saves time?)

This is a great idea!!

TinaBelcher · September 2016

Invites are out, we invited around 60 people to the only shower we'll have. I know 10-15 won't make it but they needed an invite regardless.

The shower is super close to my house which is wonderful but my sister was supposed to plan it and just didn't, so now I'm trying to help mom plan it because she's so high strung and overdramatic, it's easier to help than try to relax and stay out of it ::eyeroll:: I'm dreading gift opening and any games, yuck! But it sort of has to be done, just have to get through it as quickly as possible

hjmorgan-2 · September 2016

I am sending out about 30ish invitations.

So questions for you ladies. I am doing a 'diaper raffle', I've heard great outcomes from it.

What would be a good prize?? I want to do something really nice and worth it since diapers are expensive, I don't want to do a wonky/easy prize either, but not really break the bank. I was thinking something in the range of $50?

Any ideas??

hjmorgan-2 · September 2016

@AriB08

If you get stuck opening gifts you can make a game out of it? I saw a game where you have a wrapped prize, and whenever you open something blue/pink or say something with your theme on it they pass the prize either to the right or left. Whoever ends with it once the gifts are over wins! It keeps people interested and excited.

nolemama24 · September 2016

My baby shower is on the second week of November. My mom is planning with my MIL helping (that worries me lol). I think it's kind of a "surprise." I gave my mom a list of about 35 friends/co workers I would like to have there. So I imagine about 50 total when you factor in my mom's & MIL's friends. I also would not like to open gifts in front of everyone. @HJMorgan what's a diaper raffle??? Also some great gifts for about $50 is like a gel mani/spa pedi at a cute nail place.... Or a gift card to a nice restaurant, $50 can at least pay for some drinks & apps or an entree? I know those are things I would buy raffle tickets for, haha! Or do you guys have a TopGolf or something similar nearby? I feel like a nice date night gift is always appreciated!

hjmorgan-2 · September 2016

@nolemama24 a diaper raffle is where guests bring a pack of diapers (any size) and that enters them into a drawing to win the big prize! I've had a few friends do it and they ended up with a TON of diapers as well as gifts!

So I just designed a cute ticket on Word, cut them out of cardstock, and put two in each invitation with directions. The guests will drop the tickets in a bowl with their name on it and I'll draw one out at the end of the shower.

jsl82 · September 2016

@HJMorgan is your diaper raffle going to be co- ed or ladies only? If it's ladies only I have seen a lot of mani/ pedi gift baskets or you could give out a gift certificate to a nail salon in the area or a massage or facial to a place like Massage Envy or Hand and Stone that offer intro rates around $50. Co-Ed I would stick with restaurant gift certificates or iTunes or Amazon gift cards.
You know your group of friends the best- I'm sure you can think of a few items that all of your friends like to throw into a gift basket. I know if we were doing this with our group of friends who are all big into music and sports we would probably through in a T-Shirt from one of the teams and a gift card and maybe even a bottle of champaign/wine/whiskey depending on who we were inviting.

Want a personalized experience?

Babyshower talk

Re: Babyshower talk

Choose Another Board

Search Boards