We had our appointment this morning to check on th babies. One of the babies heart stopped beating at about 8 weeks and I'm 11 weeks. I am absolutely crushed and a total wreck. I'm doing my best to keep it together for DH and DD. I know I should thankful for the growing baby who was super active in there but I so distraught on how to grieve one and celebrate the other. I heard that beautiful heart beat just 4 weeks ago. I can't understand why it just stopped beating. And I feel awful the number of times I thought to myself how I didn't think I could handle twins and how much our life was going to change. I feel horrible for all those thoughts! Am I being punished for thinking that way.
Now I'm super worried how my body is going to handle ridding of twin B. The Dr seems confident my body will absorb it. But what if it attempts to miscarry and it effects twin A? What if twin A doesn't make it or something is wrong with it too? We can't do any genetic testing because it will detect abnormalities with the deceased twin. Omg I just had to type deceased. This is awful. I know this is just an endless ramble at this point I'm sorry. Thanks for any prayers and good thoughts.
I am so sorry you're going through this. I can feel your chaos and I hope you can find some peace and that A continues to grow. Please be gentle with yourself, you did nothing wrong. Allow yourself the time to grieve B.
I'm so sorry. Remember this is not your fault. You are not being punished. There's probably no explanation for why your other twin stopped growing. I'm sure you're feeling a lot of conflicting emotions but be sure to take time to grieve the other one. Grieve with your hubby. It's ok to not be strong all the time in front of him. It is truly devastating, especially if you don't know why. It's not going to hurt your living twin if you take time to heal from your loss. I can't help you about what will happen to the other one. Trust your doctor on that. Thoughts and prayers with you.
My mom lost the fraternal twin of my middle sister when I was 14. (This is how she found out she was pregnant) and she was very worried - but the doctor said that the second baby, my now 14 year old sister, was thriving and that since she looked right on target for size and had a healthy heartbeat that he was not prepared to worry her.
I am so sorry to hear this. I'm all teary eyed at work reading this. My heart goes out to you. Be kind to yourself through this process. And PLEASE keep us updated on Baby A.
Ugh my heart breaks for you. So sorry you are going through this. Baby A is going to kick ass and grow nice and strong for you!
TTC since June 2015
DH {29} Me {26}
PCOS Diagnosis | September 2015 IF Specialist | November 2015 Provera | November 2015 | 179 Days since last AF HSG | December 2015 | All Clear Provera | January 2016 | 46 Days since last AF 1st round of Femara 2.5mgs | January 2016 | No response Provera | February 2016 | 44 Days since last AF 2nd round of Femara 5mgs | March 2016 | O CD18 | AF 3/28/2016 3rd round of Femara 5mgs | March/April 2016 | No response | AF 5/6/2016 4th round of Femara 7.5mgs | May 2016 | BFP June 4, 2015 EDD: 2/15/2017 | Loss Discovered: 6/11/2016 | NMC: 6/15/2015 Gonal-F 75 IU upped to 100 IU | June 2016 | IUI June 29, 2016 | Beta: July 13, 2016 | AF 7/12/2016 Gonal-F 75 IU upped to 112.5IU | July 2016 | IUI July 27, 2016 | Beta: August 10, 2016 | + Beta 171! BFP on Digi 8/8/2016 | Beta #2: 396 = 39 hour doubling time | Beta #3: 1659 = 34 hour doubling time First ultrasound: August 17, 2016; 5 weeks; Gestational Sac and yolk Second ultrasound: August 25, 2016; 6W+1D; Heartbeat 105bpm Third ultrasound: August 31, 2016; 7 weeks; Heartbeat 136bpm Graduated from RE: August 31, 2016 EDD: April 17, 2017
I've not been feeling particularly emotional the past couple of weeks, but your story really got to me. My DH was quite alarmed that I had tears running down my face.
There was a brief moment when I found out we were having a girl with our first pregnancy that I was disappointed. Later when I found out that we lost her, I let myself think all sorts of nonsense...that I was being punished because I was ungrateful, that I deserved the loss. I know now that those thoughts were irrational. I also know that I'll likely never know what the medical reason was behind that loss. Please, please let yourself grieve without fear of being judged. The fact that you still have one baby does not lessen the loss of the other.
I am so sorry for your loss. Just keep thinking positive thoughts and focusing on your other baby, and maybe it will help a little. You are in my thoughts, and your little one.
Thinking of you! So sorry you have to go through this. And as much as it's normal to feel the way you do, I just want to say that this is in no shape or form your fault, nor are you being punished for having completely normal and overwhelming feelings throughout this pregnancy. You are wonderful, and none of this is your fault!
Re: Loss of twin *TW*
My mom lost the fraternal twin of my middle sister when I was 14. (This is how she found out she was pregnant) and she was very worried - but the doctor said that the second baby, my now 14 year old sister, was thriving and that since she looked right on target for size and had a healthy heartbeat that he was not prepared to worry her.
Hang in there.
DD (12), DS (8).
Baby Boy EDD 4/6/17.
DD Born 5.9.12
MC March 2016@8.5w
Expecting #2 4/30/17
Married: 5/30/2013
DSS #1: 5/25/2007
DSS #2: 1/22/2011
DS #3: 7/8/2012
BFP: 3/14/2016 ~ MC: 3/19/2016
DS #4: 4/21/17
IF Specialist | November 2015
Provera | November 2015 | 179 Days since last AF
HSG | December 2015 | All Clear
Provera | January 2016 | 46 Days since last AF
1st round of Femara 2.5mgs | January 2016 | No response
Provera | February 2016 | 44 Days since last AF
2nd round of Femara 5mgs | March 2016 | O CD18 | AF 3/28/2016
3rd round of Femara 5mgs | March/April 2016 | No response | AF 5/6/2016
4th round of Femara 7.5mgs | May 2016 | BFP June 4, 2015
EDD: 2/15/2017 | Loss Discovered: 6/11/2016 | NMC: 6/15/2015
Gonal-F 75 IU upped to 100 IU | June 2016 | IUI June 29, 2016 | Beta: July 13, 2016 | AF 7/12/2016
Gonal-F 75 IU upped to 112.5IU | July 2016 | IUI July 27, 2016 | Beta: August 10, 2016 | + Beta 171!
BFP on Digi 8/8/2016 | Beta #2: 396 = 39 hour doubling time | Beta #3: 1659 = 34 hour doubling time
First ultrasound: August 17, 2016; 5 weeks; Gestational Sac and yolk
Second ultrasound: August 25, 2016; 6W+1D; Heartbeat 105bpm
Third ultrasound: August 31, 2016; 7 weeks; Heartbeat 136bpm
Graduated from RE: August 31, 2016
EDD: April 17, 2017
There was a brief moment when I found out we were having a girl with our first pregnancy that I was disappointed. Later when I found out that we lost her, I let myself think all sorts of nonsense...that I was being punished because I was ungrateful, that I deserved the loss. I know now that those thoughts were irrational. I also know that I'll likely never know what the medical reason was behind that loss. Please, please let yourself grieve without fear of being judged. The fact that you still have one baby does not lessen the loss of the other.
Me: 28 & Partner: 32 | Married 2014
BFP 7/29 EDD 4/11
So incredibly sorry for your loss!!!
Cautiously expecting April 5, 2017
<a href="http://lilypie.com/"><img src="http://lmtf.lilypie.com/ZBoVm5.png" width="400" height="80" border="0" alt="Lilypie Maternity tickers" /></a>
BFP #1 12/23/13 MMC 01/24/14 @ 9w5days
DS--N14
Baby #2 EDD--4/16/17
Thinking of you! So sorry you have to go through this. And as much as it's normal to feel the way you do, I just want to say that this is in no shape or form your fault, nor are you being punished for having completely normal and overwhelming feelings throughout this pregnancy. You are wonderful, and none of this is your fault!