Help. Advice for dealing with overbearing MIL — The Bump
1st Trimester

Help. Advice for dealing with overbearing MIL

I'm three months pregnant and my mother-in-law is over the moon, which is great, but she's driving me nuts. 

Without making this a long story, there are some issues with hubby's family and his parents separated five years ago. My husband has a lot of anger with her he's still working out. Now that I'm pregnant it's just made it worse.  

When my MIL comes over, twice now she's told me how disgusting my house is and cleaned it up even tho we said ignore it and just visit. It's not in the helpful sort of way either. She does it and tells us how lazy we are....we both work full time jobs and hubby is more focused on taking care of me then sweeping or mopping. It's not horrible but I've let the dust bunnies pile up because I've been so sick. 

She keeps talking about how she is going to babysit and be here all the time and that scares me.

On top of that she has already started buying used baby books and other big items without asking if these are things we wanted or needed. It's nice that she wants to help in that way, however, she is on a very limited income so it's just really hurting herself. I'm worried she won't be able to pay for groceries or her rent. 

I'm also frustrated because when it comes to baby,  I want to pick his or her things out.  It's my first baby and i want to enjoy picking out the things baby will use. I don't understand because my own mom wouldn't just pick out big items without shopping with me or asking. We would go together and make it a fun outing. 

She means well but my MIL has a lot of issues, and she has this abrasive personality. I don't know how to stand up for myself while making it clear there will be time for grandma to spend with baby but she won't be in control.

It still hasn't hit me yet that I'm pregnant and I'm not excited yet because I know my MIL is going to have a lot of jealously. I barely see my own parents because of the schedule they work. But my MIL thinks we see my family all the time because they  live 10 minutes away and she is 45 minutes. 

I wish I had more time with my own mom.

Hubby tries to talk to his mom but it just end up in fights. 

Any advice on dealing with family would be great.

Re: Help. Advice for dealing with overbearing MIL

  • What she said. She said it all!
    ME: 33  DH: 33 DD1: June '16 DD2: March ‘19 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
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  • If you want her to back off you are going to have to gather the courage to tell her. Try saying things tactfully and I would even suggest practicing so that you feel comfortable but you have to say them. 

    @poetryandoceans had great advice on how to approach her.  Good luck! And remember that her reactions to what you say are on her and not on you.
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
    Me: 38 DH: 36
    Married 8/27/2011
    BFP #1 9/28/2011 DS born 5/22/2012
    BFP #2 4/24/2013 m/c 4/25/2013 at 4w
    BFP #3 1/31/2014 DD born 10/14/2014
    BFP #4 1/20/2016 m/c 2/12/2014 at 7w2d
    BFP #5 8/19/2016 DS2 born 4/29/2017
    BFP #6 3/7/2018 EDD 11/18/2018

  • Well, @poetryandoceans  said it all above, the only thing I would add is...

    you do need to tell her to back off.  This is NOT the time to mend fences and care about her own insecurities - the single most important thing right now is that you are calm and happy, and that the baby is healthy - that is the overriding single one principle, if anything threatens it in any way - you should not have to put up with it.  I know it's difficult but it's about your baby - nothign is more important at this point.  Good luck!!!!
    Me:  35 year old FTM, a busy city banker living in London, and a constant worrier. 
    My DH:  French guy, car fanatic, best husband ever.  
    Our baby boy:  Due on 17 April, currently 37 weeks.  I can't believe it - I made it to full term!!!! 
    Last measurement:  3150 gs at 37+1!  This is going to be a big baby :)
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