@imalwaysme79 - I certainly don't think you are. First and foremost, I told DH that only family is coming, and there is a "family friend" of his dad's that invited himself to our wedding (no joke, he just showed up and he was not sent an invitation, at that point I didn't even know who he was!), and he invites himself to places if FIL says oh I have plans to go here with family, he says oh geat I will come (I do blame FIL for that too because he never says no to this guy). So i made it clear that if he shows up, he will be escorted out. I don't like him at all, he is creepy and makes me very uncomfortable, MIL, hubby, and even my puppy dislikes him (she howls at him and stomps her feet at him and won't let him come anywhere near me, she doesn't bite but she lets him know you are not coming in this house buddy). He is not welcome around my baby at any point in time, so if FIL babysits he better not have that creeper around. His presence makes me uncomfortable as well as MIL, he tries to talk over you, says weird stuff and acts like he knows more than anyone, plus he has a son that was conceived when he was in his 30's and the mom was 15! Yes literally just turned 15 years old, he dated her Mom and then acted like a nice helpful guy who moved in to help her out financially, only to really be sleeping with the underage daughter and knocked her up. So he paid them off and got them a house to not press charges against him and he took the baby and raised him (the son is now 16). EWWWW! Like I said, creeper! Especially if I have a daughter, he better stay so far away. And an example of the weird things he says, he asked me if I rub oil on my vagina now that I am pregnant and if so what kind I use...yes he asked me that, EWWW again. I am only allowing my husband in the delivery room. Immediate family can wait in the waiting room (moms, dads, siblings). The delivery is a special moment and very exposing moment that I only wish to share with my husband.
@imalwaysme79 if that is your preference & what feels right for you then he needs to get on board or at very least try to understand your reasoning. personally, i would rather have people come to the hospital than to our house when trying to find our feet (ftm here so no idea what im doing) & trying to get into a routine of sorts as i would feel under pressure that they would be judging the state my house might be in & that id have to make them tea & entertain them. But again as i ftm this might all change when the baby actually arrives.
I'm a FTM mom too, and the immediate family is literally my mom, dad, 2 sisters and MIL. I'm ok with them visiting while I'm there. But friends. No. What for? I'm sure I'll be exhausted, I'm sure I'll want to spend time with my new little family before we have to go back to real world. I think he was most upset about that. He said "so if BFF of 30 years wants to come, you're going to say no?" I said "as of right now, yes, no friends". Like @MLRocha said, I'm pretty sure there will be people coming to visit after I get home. There's no reason to come to the hospital.
H and I had an argument this weekend about the following: 1. Who will be in the room when I deliver. I said, definitely him and *maybe* my mom. 2. Who will be there in the waiting room when I deliver. I said immediate family. 3. Who will be allowed to come visit while I'm in the hospital. I said only immediate family during visiting hours.
He was not happy about any of it. He doesn't understand why I wouldn't want friends coming by while I'm in the hospital. I told him that they can wait two days and come to the house. He just doesn't get it. Am I out of line here?
I think for the first point you are definitely in the right. It's your body that is going to be on display and you're the one who's actually giving birth so you should get complete say in who's going to be there.
As for visitors in the hospital I wouldn't say you're out of line but maybe you can come to a compromise because it is his baby too and he's probably excited to have friends/family come see the new baby. Maybe say no one but immediate family on the day of the birth and see if he can limit it to a couple of friends the second day then everyone else at home? I'm guessing most people visiting the hospital won't be staying that long, they probably want to pop in for 15-20 minutes see the baby (and you guys) and then will be on their way. If you want to make sure they aren't there for too long maybe give them an exact time frame that they can visit like from 1-2pm.
Me: 33 | DH: 34 Married: October, 19, 2015 EDD 2/22/17 DS1 born on 3/2/17 EDD 3/8/20 DS2 born on 3/10/20 EDD 11/24/23 (Formerly Marriedhamstermom Feb ‘17)
@marriedhamstermom, that's a good suggestion. Just a couple friends on day 2 and everyone else can come to the house. He only has his mom, his brother lives out of state and likely won't be coming down for the birth or even shortly thereafter. Thanks for the idea!
H and I had an argument this weekend about the following: 1. Who will be in the room when I deliver. I said, definitely him and *maybe* my mom. 2. Who will be there in the waiting room when I deliver. I said immediate family. 3. Who will be allowed to come visit while I'm in the hospital. I said only immediate family during visiting hours.
He was not happy about any of it. He doesn't understand why I wouldn't want friends coming by while I'm in the hospital. I told him that they can wait two days and come to the house. He just doesn't get it. Am I out of line here?
Fortunately SO and I both didn't want anyone near the hospital until the next day at the earliest, and even then only the grandparents. This time around, we need someone to be on call for taking care of DD. Probably my parents, even though they live 2 hours away. Just hoping this time around will be like last time, with the baby taking 12+ hours of labor (not pushing). That should give my parents enough time to mosey on over to our place...
@imalwaysme79 everything went to shit during my labor, so by the time he was out I hadn't showered or eaten in 3 days and was covered in my own vomit and still retching. Nurses kept coming by hourly to check on my incisions and vag and push on my gut to make sure I was passing clots.
I just feel like arguing over who is going to be there before you know what's going to happen is just adding stress to your pregnancy.
@imalwaysme79 - I certainly don't think you are. First and foremost, I told DH that only family is coming, and there is a "family friend" of his dad's that invited himself to our wedding (no joke, he just showed up and he was not sent an invitation, at that point I didn't even know who he was!), and he invites himself to places if FIL says oh I have plans to go here with family, he says oh geat I will come (I do blame FIL for that too because he never says no to this guy). So i made it clear that if he shows up, he will be escorted out. I don't like him at all, he is creepy and makes me very uncomfortable, MIL, hubby, and even my puppy dislikes him (she howls at him and stomps her feet at him and won't let him come anywhere near me, she doesn't bite but she lets him know you are not coming in this house buddy). He is not welcome around my baby at any point in time, so if FIL babysits he better not have that creeper around. His presence makes me uncomfortable as well as MIL, he tries to talk over you, says weird stuff and acts like he knows more than anyone, plus he has a son that was conceived when he was in his 30's and the mom was 15! Yes literally just turned 15 years old, he dated her Mom and then acted like a nice helpful guy who moved in to help her out financially, only to really be sleeping with the underage daughter and knocked her up. So he paid them off and got them a house to not press charges against him and he took the baby and raised him (the son is now 16). EWWWW! Like I said, creeper! Especially if I have a daughter, he better stay so far away. And an example of the weird things he says, he asked me if I rub oil on my vagina now that I am pregnant and if so what kind I use...yes he asked me that, EWWW again. I am only allowing my husband in the delivery room. Immediate family can wait in the waiting room (moms, dads, siblings). The delivery is a special moment and very exposing moment that I only wish to share with my husband.
Holy...how is your FIL still friends with this guy? I would be super skeeved out and avoid him at all cost. Ew. Just ew.
Oooh, and since apparently I'm live-blogging here: just had lunch with a friend who works on the same campus. I hadn't seen her in a year, and her daughter is 10 months younger than my DD.
And she's due 2 weeks before I am! W00t!!! Maternity leave buddies! Can't wait!!!
We were squeeeing at each other at lunch, I'm sure the other people thought we'd had too many mimosas.
I'm with some of the others in that I'd rather have people visit at the hospital than at home. Mostly because I'm more tired when I get home because I don't have the nurses to help with the baby anymore and I don't want to tidy up for company. I don't think anyone really pays attention to anything or anyone other than baby when they come over, but I still feel the need to straighten. Now if they bring food, they are more than welcome to visit.
I tend to be closer to my extended family than most people are (but only on my mom's side), and I have no problem with them being in the waiting room, but only DH and I will be in the delivery room. Our friends typically wait to come to the hospital after the baby is born, but I'm also not particularly close to anyone.
Oh man, I cant remember who to tag now but someone awesomely posted a short list of questions to ask daycares last week. We are seeing a couple this week and I have no idea what to ask! Any suggestions?
@grapeskittles4lyfe - I wish I knew.....FIL seems to think he is misunderstood and shouldn't be judged for his actions 16 years ago....but ewww to that and misunderstood? Ok, asking your daughter in law if she rubs oil on her vag is not misunderstood it is creeeeeepy. My husband told him to keep his comments to himself and stay out of business he has no place in, and whether he "meant well" or not, back off. (He told DH that he asked that b/c when his underage gf had the baby she was told to rub oils down there starting her second trimester to prevent tearing during birth and was just trying to be helpful so I have an easier delivery. ooooh ok, sure you were, my vag is so not your business weirdo)
@imalwaysme79 You aren't out of line. With my DD, we only allowed grandparents to pop in to say hi for a few moments in the hospital. DH was the only one there during delivery. I had DD at 6 am and left the hospital by 9 the next morning. We had friends and family over the evening we got home for pizza and baby snuggling. I wasn't comfortable with everyone coming to the hospital. This time, it will just be DH again and the grandparents will stop by with DD to meet the baby.
My $0.02 on hospital stuff: I'm undergoing a major medical procedure and don't want to see anyone I wouldn't want to see during any other surgery recovery. The fact that a new tiny person is the result doesn't change this. For me this means short grandparent visits (no more than once a day) and visits from certain friends (they know who they are). Everyone is different though. If you want absolutely nobody to visit in the hospital, that's reasonable because your body, your decision.
Once I'm home, I really want the visits to stay short. I'm more interested in privacy than help, and I know this will mean some tough conversations but I'm prepared to have them.
@PerraSucia I love that! I am having the hardest time not buying everything that's tiny. I know I'm supposed to save money and wait until after the shower but I just want to buy everything!
@WinchesterGirl not one person got me clothes. Granted my shower was small and close friends (like 15 people?) but even my work shower was just giving me a shit ton of cash.
So I'm in a different situation, my midwife practice sends you home 3 hrs after you can pee on your own. so I'll be going home with baby immediately. but I told Hubs I didn't want more than 2 visitors a day for our 1st few wks. People can see the baby after we've recovered and figure out how to put on a diaper properly.
plus, ladies we're going to be bleeding and recovering -- some of us from surgery or stitches, or at least hemmheroids and trying to survive night feedings. plus, baby will have NO immunities and will be at risk for infection.
people need to back off. I hope everyone's H's can get on board PDQ.
Oh man, I cant remember who to tag now but someone awesomely posted a short list of questions to ask daycares last week. We are seeing a couple this week and I have no idea what to ask! Any suggestions?
I'm the one who asked. I think it's in last week's "Ask a STM" thread.
Thanks ladies for the opinions and suggestions. I'm not necessarily stressing about it, but I don't want to have to stress about it. I can definitely see where you would rather have people visit in the hospital than at home, so that's something to think about too. I'm sure H and I will end up discussing it more as time goes on.
Re: who is there, it's your call who *might* get to be in there, I think husbands should get a say in visitors though (Eta like one or two, not his whole fantasy football draft, IF you are feeling up to it) . Like pp said, you don't know what's going to happen. As far as at home visitors, it's up to you who comes and when. Don't want any the first week? Then don't. It's really not worth stressing about, and you will probably change your minds when the time gets closer, then change it again once the baby is actually here. I had a 30 hour induction after my water broke, had a reaction to a medication and felt like a huge bag of shit and didn't want to see ANYONE for a few days. I let a couple immediate family members stop by but made it clear they had to be very short visits. Also, unless the person who wants to stay with you is going to be a help, just say no. You don't need any stress about hosting if you don't want them there. You are birthing a person, and YOU get to make your calls about who is around. People will get over it, I promise.
Wowwww!! Some of these stories regarding visiting in the hospital are horrendous!! Omg, it's your body, your privacy. I don't remember who said it but your husband inviting his father in the delivery room?!!! No! No! No! This is not an entertaining event.
I actually just had this conversation with my husband last night. I've been pretty upset because H doesn't know anything medical and he's not even trying to learn about the delivery or anything. I do know that right now he's stressed about finding a job and taking care of us. But I feel like he can at least devote some time to learn with me. He really pissed me off the other day because I was complaining about my back pain. He was like "I think it's because you're sitting too much and you need to walk. The baby's only the size of a pomegranate so it wouldn't be hurting your back, yet." I wanted to slap him. He doesn't understand what the uterus is even though I've tried to explain it to him so many times. He thinks it's only the tiny baby in there. And I just knowww that his uneducated mother fills his ears with bullshit remedies and crap. She had 7 kids so she acts like she is the supreme expert on babies. Even though she knows jack shit, medically. Anyways, moving on.... So last night H says that he doesn't want to be in the delivery room because he can't handle seeing blood or seeing me in pain. He suggested I have my sister or my aunt with me. Ummmmmm no! Absolutely not!! You got me pregnant, you're the one who wants like 6 kids (I only want 2), so you are going to watch me suffer and you are going to help me! You don't get a free pass on this! I made this very clear to him. But I do also feel like I should get a MW or a doula just because I know H is not going to be any help at all. How do I even go about searching for one? And does health insurance cover it or are you all paying out of pocket?
H and I had an argument this weekend about the following: 1. Who will be in the room when I deliver. I said, definitely him and *maybe* my mom. 2. Who will be there in the waiting room when I deliver. I said immediate family. 3. Who will be allowed to come visit while I'm in the hospital. I said only immediate family during visiting hours.
He was not happy about any of it. He doesn't understand why I wouldn't want friends coming by while I'm in the hospital. I told him that they can wait two days and come to the house. He just doesn't get it. Am I out of line here?
So here is my opinion, I wouldn't even allow / inform immediately family to be in the waiting room. I've heard in doula circles about how this can cause stress for the laboring mother. Even though they aren't in the room the idea that they are there and WAITING FOR YOU is difficult to put out of your mind and focus on labor. With DD1 we informed grandparents and aunts and then turned off the phone. Sorry, a healthy delivery for me and the baby is more important than you saying you were there 4 rooms away. As far as visitors after delivery, there are some cute meme-type graphics you can post on your page as gentle requests to keep the visits short (15-20 min) or if you don't want any visitors at all. I suggest visitors on day 1 (after you've showered and napped and eaten) and then not until 1 week. Day 2&3 are exhausting, Days 4-6 are a bitch with the baby blues. Day 7 you usually feel like yourself again.
DD1- Aug11 Angel Baby- June13, said goodbye Oct12 DD2- Aug13 DD3- due Feb17
@AfKash - I had a conversation with a friend about doulas over the weekend and am really considering it... I think it would be really helpful to have someone calm and knowledgeable in the room with me, especially someone who's main focus is to support me through the entire process. But, from what I've heard, doulas are not covered by insurance but may be eligible for Health Savings Accounts.
My DH also has no interest in reading/researching anything going on with the baby "people have been having babies for thousands of years without reading books; we'll figure it out". That's not how I roll.
As a STM to be, I'll be doing visitors in the hospital this time around.
With DS, we said no visitors at the hospital and so they all came within the week of his birth. I hated having visitors at home!! Even if I asked ppl to wait a while before visiting - it didn't happen. There were guilt trips, especially from immediate family. That's something to be expected and it's hard to get around it.
this time, we've warned the whole family that we'll be having visitors at the hospital but we want our privacy in the first week or so when we're home. Bonus is that the hospital have strict visiting hours....
************* First BFP: 12/16/13 EDD: 08/23/14 Baby BOY born: 08/29/14
@MLRocha Thank you for the input! Sucks that doulas are not covered.
I also hate that mentality that women have been having babies forever. I remember in the 90s or the 2000s I was watching Nightline or 20/20 and it was about this anesthesiologist who was stealing drugs for personal recreational use. So because of that, he was not giving pregnant women in labor the proper amount of drugs and they were in terrible pain. He also did this to surgical patients. The patients would wake up during surgery in excruciating pain but not be able to communicate this with the surgeon. Anyhow, this anesthesiologist eventually got caught and they interviewed him. This monster showed no remorse at all! He said something along the lines of "women have been delivering babies for centuries without medicine. And people have been operated on with nothing but alcohol to numb the pain. No big deal. " Ughhhh. What a monster!
@MLRocha and @AfKash I have never had a client do so, but yes, I believe a doula can be charged to an HSA. @concreteangell - I am with ya there! In the hospital people tend to make the visits quick, your adrenaline is still high, and you don't have to cook or clean. I think that is a perfect model for having visitors.
DD1- Aug11 Angel Baby- June13, said goodbye Oct12 DD2- Aug13 DD3- due Feb17
Wowwww!! Some of these stories regarding visiting in the hospital are horrendous!! Omg, it's your body, your privacy. I don't remember who said it but your husband inviting his father in the delivery room?!!! No! No! No! This is not an entertaining event.
I actually just had this conversation with my husband last night. I've been pretty upset because H doesn't know anything medical and he's not even trying to learn about the delivery or anything. I do know that right now he's stressed about finding a job and taking care of us. But I feel like he can at least devote some time to learn with me. He really pissed me off the other day because I was complaining about my back pain. He was like "I think it's because you're sitting too much and you need to walk. The baby's only the size of a pomegranate so it wouldn't be hurting your back, yet." I wanted to slap him. He doesn't understand what the uterus is even though I've tried to explain it to him so many times. He thinks it's only the tiny baby in there. And I just knowww that his uneducated mother fills his ears with bullshit remedies and crap. She had 7 kids so she acts like she is the supreme expert on babies. Even though she knows jack shit, medically. Anyways, moving on.... So last night H says that he doesn't want to be in the delivery room because he can't handle seeing blood or seeing me in pain. He suggested I have my sister or my aunt with me. Ummmmmm no! Absolutely not!! You got me pregnant, you're the one who wants like 6 kids (I only want 2), so you are going to watch me suffer and you are going to help me! You don't get a free pass on this! I made this very clear to him. But I do also feel like I should get a MW or a doula just because I know H is not going to be any help at all. How do I even go about searching for one? And does health insurance cover it or are you all paying out of pocket?
Of course I am going to say get a doula. They are magical unicorns and situations like this EXACTLY are like 1/4 of doula clientele. I've said it before on here, I will say it again, a good doula supports the whole family not just the laboring mother. As it gets closer I bet he will change his mind. FWIW, my H who wasn't even against seeing the "yucky stuff" didn't see any blood or poo with either delivery.Let the nurses and doc/MW know he can't handle that and TRUST ME they will take care of it, the last thing they want is a fainting father.
DD1- Aug11 Angel Baby- June13, said goodbye Oct12 DD2- Aug13 DD3- due Feb17
I already told me husband to let his parents (who live 8 hours away) that no one is staying at our house when the baby comes. I feel bad to make them stay in a hotel, but I know I'll want my space and time to adjust to everything.
Also totally agree @Gretchypoo, it will be winter and people will be coming around with germs. I am already warning people that they will need their whooping cough and flu vaccines if they want to see the baby right away!
Blah...I didn't want ANYONE visiting me in the hospital! (Except immediate family). Even with immediate family, I didn't want them there long. (With the exception of my mom). Ive always looked and felt like holy hell right afterwards. It's stressful trying to nurse a new baby. The last thing on earth I wanted in the hospital was a bunch of people. Every 30 min I was trying to get the baby to nurse and just didn't want people around. To each their own I guess! I know I prefer guests at home 1-2 weeks after the baby is born. We had friends etc at the hospital when my first was born. I learned my lesson and put my foot down for the next two births.
I also had c-sections, so there was no delivery room dilemma.
@AfKash I 100% agree with @peachesnbean. you guys need a doula. I'm getting one bc my Hubs has anxiety and ADHD.
Also, re: women have been having babies BS-- Yes we have, and thousands of women die in childbirth. you know what helps and can literally save lives? supportive partners and caregivers.
@SawyerRichardson I'm going to follow this like a hawk, but I'm sure not everyone is going to be effected if it's proven that it does cause it. this is going to be such a huge class action suit.. like the mesothelioma commercials times a billion.
@PerraSucia - Yikes! I got this shot too many years ago....that is freakin scary. My OB was pushing the stuff back then and my younger sisters got it too when they were old enough.
Re: Weekly Random (9/4)
I am only allowing my husband in the delivery room. Immediate family can wait in the waiting room (moms, dads, siblings). The delivery is a special moment and very exposing moment that I only wish to share with my husband.
personally, i would rather have people come to the hospital than to our house when trying to find our feet (ftm here so no idea what im doing) & trying to get into a routine of sorts as i would feel under pressure that they would be judging the state my house might be in & that id have to make them tea & entertain them. But again as i ftm this might all change when the baby actually arrives.
Me: 37 - H: 39
TTC#1: 01/2016
BFP: 06/18/2016 - EDD: 02/20/2017 - Born: 01/27/2017
Me: 37 - H: 39
TTC#1: 01/2016
BFP: 06/18/2016 - EDD: 02/20/2017 - Born: 01/27/2017
As for visitors in the hospital I wouldn't say you're out of line but maybe you can come to a compromise because it is his baby too and he's probably excited to have friends/family come see the new baby. Maybe say no one but immediate family on the day of the birth and see if he can limit it to a couple of friends the second day then everyone else at home? I'm guessing most people visiting the hospital won't be staying that long, they probably want to pop in for 15-20 minutes see the baby (and you guys) and then will be on their way. If you want to make sure they aren't there for too long maybe give them an exact time frame that they can visit like from 1-2pm.
Married: October, 19, 2015
EDD 2/22/17
EDD 3/8/20
EDD 11/24/23
(Formerly Marriedhamstermom Feb ‘17)
Me: 37 - H: 39
TTC#1: 01/2016
BFP: 06/18/2016 - EDD: 02/20/2017 - Born: 01/27/2017
I just feel like arguing over who is going to be there before you know what's going to happen is just adding stress to your pregnancy.
just had lunch with a friend who works on the same campus. I hadn't seen her in a year, and her daughter is 10 months younger than my DD.
And she's due 2 weeks before I am! W00t!!! Maternity leave buddies! Can't wait!!!
We were squeeeing at each other at lunch, I'm sure the other people thought we'd had too many mimosas.
I tend to be closer to my extended family than most people are (but only on my mom's side), and I have no problem with them being in the waiting room, but only DH and I will be in the delivery room. Our friends typically wait to come to the hospital after the baby is born, but I'm also not particularly close to anyone.
You aren't out of line. With my DD, we only allowed grandparents to pop in to say hi for a few moments in the hospital. DH was the only one there during delivery. I had DD at 6 am and left the hospital by 9 the next morning. We had friends and family over the evening we got home for pizza and baby snuggling. I wasn't comfortable with everyone coming to the hospital. This time, it will just be DH again and the grandparents will stop by with DD to meet the baby.
I bought so many clothes this weekend. 21 more weeeeeekks
Once I'm home, I really want the visits to stay short. I'm more interested in privacy than help, and I know this will mean some tough conversations but I'm prepared to have them.
The struggle is real.
plus, ladies we're going to be bleeding and recovering -- some of us from surgery or stitches, or at least hemmheroids and trying to survive night feedings. plus, baby will have NO immunities and will be at risk for infection.
people need to back off. I hope everyone's H's can get on board PDQ.
Me: 37 - H: 39
TTC#1: 01/2016
BFP: 06/18/2016 - EDD: 02/20/2017 - Born: 01/27/2017
Me: 37 - H: 39
TTC#1: 01/2016
BFP: 06/18/2016 - EDD: 02/20/2017 - Born: 01/27/2017
As far as at home visitors, it's up to you who comes and when. Don't want any the first week? Then don't. It's really not worth stressing about, and you will probably change your minds when the time gets closer, then change it again once the baby is actually here.
I had a 30 hour induction after my water broke, had a reaction to a medication and felt like a huge bag of shit and didn't want to see ANYONE for a few days.
I let a couple immediate family members stop by but made it clear they had to be very short visits.
Also, unless the person who wants to stay with you is going to be a help, just say no. You don't need any stress about hosting if you don't want them there.
You are birthing a person, and YOU get to make your calls about who is around. People will get over it, I promise.
I actually just had this conversation with my husband last night. I've been pretty upset because H doesn't know anything medical and he's not even trying to learn about the delivery or anything. I do know that right now he's stressed about finding a job and taking care of us. But I feel like he can at least devote some time to learn with me. He really pissed me off the other day because I was complaining about my back pain. He was like "I think it's because you're sitting too much and you need to walk. The baby's only the size of a pomegranate so it wouldn't be hurting your back, yet." I wanted to slap him. He doesn't understand what the uterus is even though I've tried to explain it to him so many times. He thinks it's only the tiny baby in there. And I just knowww that his uneducated mother fills his ears with bullshit remedies and crap. She had 7 kids so she acts like she is the supreme expert on babies. Even though she knows jack shit, medically. Anyways, moving on....
So last night H says that he doesn't want to be in the delivery room because he can't handle seeing blood or seeing me in pain. He suggested I have my sister or my aunt with me. Ummmmmm no! Absolutely not!!
You got me pregnant, you're the one who wants like 6 kids (I only want 2), so you are going to watch me suffer and you are going to help me! You don't get a free pass on this! I made this very clear to him.
But I do also feel like I should get a MW or a doula just because I know H is not going to be any help at all. How do I even go about searching for one? And does health insurance cover it or are you all paying out of pocket?
My DH also has no interest in reading/researching anything going on with the baby "people have been having babies for thousands of years without reading books; we'll figure it out". That's not how I roll.
With DS, we said no visitors at the hospital and so they all came within the week of his birth. I hated having visitors at home!! Even if I asked ppl to wait a while before visiting - it didn't happen. There were guilt trips, especially from immediate family. That's something to be expected and it's hard to get around it.
this time, we've warned the whole family that we'll be having visitors at the hospital but we want our privacy in the first week or so when we're home. Bonus is that the hospital have strict visiting hours....
First BFP: 12/16/13
EDD: 08/23/14
Baby BOY born: 08/29/14
I also hate that mentality that women have been having babies forever. I remember in the 90s or the 2000s I was watching Nightline or 20/20 and it was about this anesthesiologist who was stealing drugs for personal recreational use. So because of that, he was not giving pregnant women in labor the proper amount of drugs and they were in terrible pain. He also did this to surgical patients. The patients would wake up during surgery in excruciating pain but not be able to communicate this with the surgeon. Anyhow, this anesthesiologist eventually got caught and they interviewed him. This monster showed no remorse at all! He said something along the lines of "women have been delivering babies for centuries without medicine. And people have been operated on with nothing but alcohol to numb the pain. No big deal. " Ughhhh. What a monster!
@concreteangell - I am with ya there! In the hospital people tend to make the visits quick, your adrenaline is still high, and you don't have to cook or clean. I think that is a perfect model for having visitors.
Me: 37 - H: 39
TTC#1: 01/2016
BFP: 06/18/2016 - EDD: 02/20/2017 - Born: 01/27/2017
Also totally agree @Gretchypoo, it will be winter and people will be coming around with germs. I am already warning people that they will need their whooping cough and flu vaccines if they want to see the baby right away!
I also had c-sections, so there was no delivery room dilemma.
Also, re: women have been having babies BS-- Yes we have, and thousands of women die in childbirth. you know what helps and can literally save lives? supportive partners and caregivers.
EDITED: This is totally a bullshit source. Nevermind. Hopefully some real science comes out of this.
https://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/2016/03/28/speaking-of-bad-science-never-trust-the-american-college-of-pediatricians/
https://www.acpeds.org/the-college-speaks/position-statements/health-issues/new-concerns-about-the-human-papillomavirus-vaccine
I got this vaccine and I had early ovarian failure even though my mom had kids into her 40s. WHAT IF THIS DID THIS TO ME?