@Jab3 I'm sorry, your cousin... that is not acceptable behavior! If he was that drunk a male relative should have taken him off your hands and away from you.
Someone being family does not give them the right to treat you that way. I can understand worrying about your husband's anger, but at this point you need his support. I definitely would not go anywhere else to a large family gathering without your H. He would hopefully have no problem keeping you well away from the cousin, and stepping in if he were to get out of line.
My oldest brother has always been somewhat of a bully towards me, but he won't ever cross the line if DH is there. As much as it sucks, sometimes they just need that other presence to be forced to act like a decent human being. I'm very sorry you had to deal with that. That is extremely upsetting.
@Jab3 Wow, that is really terrible, I'm so sorry you went through that! That cousin should have been escorted out of the wedding by a few large, male family members way before it even got that far. You have every right to be furious and never talk to him again. I also definitely think you should tell your husband. You mentioned that he doesn't want you seeing that part of your family anyway, so maybe assuring him that you agree with him now and you will not be allowing yourself to be in that kind of situation again will help calm him down. He will be angry, but he should definitely know, and it's not good for you to hold it in. Yuck, I'm really sorry that happened, and i'm so glad you or your baby were physically harmed.
TW--- ---discussing possibility of alcoholism. If your family has a problem with you never speaking to this cousin again, then I guess I'd put them in that category too. I know this is possibly an incorrect guess as I don't know him or your family so I could be way off on a tangent here, but is it possible that your cousin has a drinking problem? If your family tries to pressure you to keep in touch with him because he has this problem and "needs support" or anything like that, do not feel pressured. It is 100% his problem and he needs to make that decision for himself or that will never change. There is no reason to put yourself or your husband/children in the middle of that. Like I said, I know I could be wrong about this, just wanted to present this possibility because I don't want you to feel guilty if your family comes at you from that angle. It's something I think about because I grew up around it, feel free to message me if you'd like to talk about it.
@Jab3 I have nothing else to add, I agree with the PPs and you are super justified in kicking this jerk out of your life and anyone who pushed a pregnant woman into a car with a drunk man who was sexually assaulting her.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. It might help your conversation with H if you preface it with "I didn't tell you sooner bc I was worried you'd be upset. I needed to process this before talking to you." or tell him that if he flies off the handle he'll be causing you more stress?
Somebody from November 16 already had her baby. She's in the NICU. But at least she's doing well.
We had a momma have a N14 baby in August and she's doing great (at least last I heard which was about 8 months ago) so I hope she is a rockstar like the story I know. It's very scary!
@AfKashthe baby is so little! It sounds like she's a little champ and doing well, though!
I know! I saw her first little pic and immediately grabbed my belly, like "No, stay in there, you!" She looks so much bigger even in the second pic. It's amazing how quickly they grow and change. I mean, I know that's what happening inside for us right now, too, but it's just so astounding seeing the process.
Oh wow, that's crazy! She is little, but looks like she is doing great for 29 weeks. I know with my twins, our group had babies as early as I think 25 weeks. Its scary, but the NICU does miracles for those preemies.
Married - 7/29/06 Ben and Maggie - 4/10/09 Mia - 6/16/11 Surprise! due 2/23/17
@jab3 Everyone has said everything I could possibly say so I just wanted to tell you how sorry j am that you had to put up with crap like that.
And while I know you said you didn't want to start family drama, you should rest assured that it's not your responsibility to worry about that. People need to know because who's to say that he won't do that to someone else? It's unacceptable and it shouldn't be tolerated.
@Jab3 Everyone else pretty much covered it, but I encourage you to open up to your DH if you feel comfortable doing so. I don't think he would blame you for going, despite his concerns about how your family "is" so to speak. Something like that isn't something you want to think of a family member being capable of doing. I'm really sorry you had to go through that. You are most certainly not blowing it out of proportion whatsoever and I can't believe your family would be ridiculous enough to think/insinuate that. Drunk or not, family or not, your cousin should absolutely know better. Your family should've been the ones to step in and help you when he was acting like that, and I'm sorry they didn't. It's a really shitty situation that they ALL put you in.
BFP #1: DD born on 08.25.12
BFP #2: 09/08/15 miscarried at 6w
BFP #3: DD2 born on 02.07.17
@Jab3 I can only imagine how you've been feeling, I agree with the others in what they said but I just wanted to say that I find it despicable that even when sober your family isn't taking this seriously. I'm sorry you even have to deal with all this
@PerraSucia unfortunately things didn't work out for me with my relationship with my son's father. Since I had no support system in So Cal I moved back to the Bay. But hey, I'm there pretty frequently doing a visitation drop off! Haha!
Guys, what was I thinking inviting every freaking body to this ultrasound today? Seriously I hate being the center of attention and I have serious anxiety before every Dr visit (this isn't a doctor, but I'm still worried something is going to be wrong).
I am seriously regretting this lapse in judgment. How am I supposed to deal with my mother and in-laws while this freaking nervous? Send bail money. And a paper bag to breathe in.
Oh, did I mention that my saintly mother took it upon herself to invite my grandmother who I dislike and cannot even remember my name?
@WinchesterGirl does your ultrasound place suddenly have a policy that only a certain number of bodies are allowed in the room? Or maybe ask for the first few mins of alone time with your DH and hopefully seeing your peanut can ease you into a mood to block out all the family?
Or hell, spring for the DVD and have a viewing party after anything to relieve the anxiety of all those people, I totally feel you
I'll be asking my Dr this week at my 20w appointment, but I'm curious if anyone had any thoughts-
I've had a LOT of ultrasounds. Like this week will be my 8th due to contracting, bleeding, etc. Going into this pregnancy I was all set to have the minimum amount allowable, unfortunately a few ER visits and some high risk appts to check for contractions made me change plans. My DH really wants to do an elective u/s to get the DVD and see the baby in 3d and 4d. It makes me so nervous because I really don't know if u/s's can cause damage. He thinks I'm overreacting, I think he's pushing it and not thinking of the baby. What would you do?
I'll be asking my Dr this week at my 20w appointment, but I'm curious if anyone had any thoughts-
I've had a LOT of ultrasounds. Like this week will be my 8th due to contracting, bleeding, etc. Going into this pregnancy I was all set to have the minimum amount allowable, unfortunately a few ER visits and some high risk appts to check for contractions made me change plans. My DH really wants to do an elective u/s to get the DVD and see the baby in 3d and 4d. It makes me so nervous because I really don't know if u/s's can cause damage. He thinks I'm overreacting, I think he's pushing it and not thinking of the baby. What would you do?
My brother and SIL conceived their baby in the Caribbean, so they had to have TONS of ultrasounds the whole pregnancy to monitor baby for zika. He is totally fine and healthy (2 months old now) if that eases your mind at all!
@homemake it's this Friday. I didn't even think to ask if they could do the 3d/4d, that'd be a great compromise! I think I remember seeing a button for that on the u/s machine, but no clue if it works and they are willing. I will definitely ask, thanks!
@Starfish113 that does quite a bit, at least for DH's benefit
Last week I complained that at my blood draw, the tech must have hit a nerve pulling the needle out bc pain shot down my forearm into my wrist. It's 4 days later and I've been having painful zings down my arm and in my wrist. Wtf! He damaged my nerve?!
@WinchesterGirl deep breaths, lady. I agree with PP-- call the ultrasound place and explain the situagion. Thrn have a few minutes alone. just you and DH. Get the reassurance that baby is safe and healthy. Then maybe invite ppl in 1 at a time?
@WinchesterGirl same! We have ours today and invited parents and siblings. We told our parents that the grandmas weren't invited so we wouldn't have to deal with their comments. They always bicker with each other.
Thanks ladies. I might do that, and see if they can get us all set up, peek in to make sure gummy lizard is all good in there, and then let everybody come in. I'm glad we took their first appointment of the day or I would be a complete wreck all day.
I did get out my doppler and found the heart beat (and I'm pretty sure a kick square to the wand), so I'm feeling a little calmer... but still both families at once... ack.
Our families don't hate each other or anything, but we have issues on both sides so it's easier for us to take them on one at a time. I'm sure everyone will at least fake niceness though... that is the southern way, after all.
Although, I just realized that were going to have all the awkward intros of my mom's latest husband to DH's family. UGH.
We have 2-4 barn cats on our property and the one had five kittens two weeks ago. We had a strong line of storms come through last night and mama decided she should move them. Well, what do ya know, they got separated and I have two week old kittens scattered about. Mama looks tired and distressed, so I've been helping her collect them in a new, dry place all morning. Poor girl!
@WinchesterGirl I hope everything goes well and the families cooperate! I had a wild hair to invite my mom to the next us and you reminded me exactly why I shouldn't! Hah!
@yogadevil I'm sorry I really have nothing to add other than I'd talk to my ob about that...at least your husband is eager to see the lo, but I understand your concerns...
Re: Weekly Randoms (8/29)
Someone being family does not give them the right to treat you that way. I can understand worrying about your husband's anger, but at this point you need his support. I definitely would not go anywhere else to a large family gathering without your H. He would hopefully have no problem keeping you well away from the cousin, and stepping in if he were to get out of line.
My oldest brother has always been somewhat of a bully towards me, but he won't ever cross the line if DH is there. As much as it sucks, sometimes they just need that other presence to be forced to act like a decent human being. I'm very sorry you had to deal with that. That is extremely upsetting.
TW---
---discussing possibility of alcoholism.
If your family has a problem with you never speaking to this cousin again, then I guess I'd put them in that category too. I know this is possibly an incorrect guess as I don't know him or your family so I could be way off on a tangent here, but is it possible that your cousin has a drinking problem? If your family tries to pressure you to keep in touch with him because he has this problem and "needs support" or anything like that, do not feel pressured. It is 100% his problem and he needs to make that decision for himself or that will never change. There is no reason to put yourself or your husband/children in the middle of that. Like I said, I know I could be wrong about this, just wanted to present this possibility because I don't want you to feel guilty if your family comes at you from that angle. It's something I think about because I grew up around it, feel free to message me if you'd like to talk about it.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. It might help your conversation with H if you preface it with "I didn't tell you sooner bc I was worried you'd be upset. I needed to process this before talking to you." or tell him that if he flies off the handle he'll be causing you more stress?
ET 9/10 - transferred 1 perfect 5AA blast
7dp5dt BFP ~~ Beta on 9/19 - 77.4 Beta #2 on 9/21 - 357
Low heartbeat on 10/7 86, lower heartbeat on 10/11 76, no heartbeat 10/14/13. D&C 10/15/13
Tests revealed MTHFR c677t mutation, put on Folgard.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FET #1 1/6/14 - 4BB blast - BFN
Ben and Maggie - 4/10/09
Mia - 6/16/11
Surprise! due 2/23/17
And while I know you said you didn't want to start family drama, you should rest assured that it's not your responsibility to worry about that. People need to know because who's to say that he won't do that to someone else? It's unacceptable and it shouldn't be tolerated.
Big Bro 7/14/13
Little Bro 2/6/17
@Jab3 I can only imagine how you've been feeling, I agree with the others in what they said but I just wanted to say that I find it despicable that even when sober your family isn't taking this seriously. I'm sorry you even have to deal with all this
@peachesnbean that is so awesome!
I am seriously regretting this lapse in judgment. How am I supposed to deal with my mother and in-laws while this freaking nervous? Send bail money. And a paper bag to breathe in.
Oh, did I mention that my saintly mother took it upon herself to invite my grandmother who I dislike and cannot even remember my name?
Or hell, spring for the DVD and have a viewing party after
I've had a LOT of ultrasounds. Like this week will be my 8th due to contracting, bleeding, etc. Going into this pregnancy I was all set to have the minimum amount allowable, unfortunately a few ER visits and some high risk appts to check for contractions made me change plans. My DH really wants to do an elective u/s to get the DVD and see the baby in 3d and 4d. It makes me so nervous because I really don't know if u/s's can cause damage. He thinks I'm overreacting, I think he's pushing it and not thinking of the baby. What would you do?
@Starfish113 that does quite a bit, at least for DH's benefit
I did get out my doppler and found the heart beat (and I'm pretty sure a kick square to the wand), so I'm feeling a little calmer... but still both families at once... ack.
Our families don't hate each other or anything, but we have issues on both sides so it's easier for us to take them on one at a time. I'm sure everyone will at least fake niceness though... that is the southern way, after all.
Although, I just realized that were going to have all the awkward intros of my mom's latest husband to DH's family. UGH.
@WinchesterGirl I hope everything goes well and the families cooperate! I had a wild hair to invite my mom to the next us and you reminded me exactly why I shouldn't! Hah!
@yogadevil I'm sorry I really have nothing to add other than I'd talk to my ob about that...at least your husband is eager to see the lo, but I understand your concerns...
Big Bro 7/14/13
Little Bro 2/6/17