I'm thinking it's mostly hormones but this whole pregnancy, I've just wanted to fast forward to meet this baby. All of a sudden, this week, it's starting to hit me that it's around the corner and I have this urge to pump the breaks. I don't know if it's fear of the unknown or fear of change but it's making me feel blue and I worry it will carry over after he's here and interfere with me bonding with him. I want to be excited but I kinda just feel like crying.
Me: 32 & DH: 37
Married: November 2014
TTC #1 Since: October 2015
BFP #1: 11/18/15 - CP BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16 IT'S A BOY!!!! DS Born 10/16/16
@MRSCORKER - I think that's a totally normal feeling but have faith in yourself, you're going to be a great mom and that baby boy is going to love you more than anything... Even if you're a little overwhelmed at first
@MRSCORKER I think what you're feeling is normal! Life is about to become totally different and I think everyone starts to get nervous, no matter how excited you may be. It's okay to feel both!! You'll do great and all the rest of us will be here to experience everything right along with you!
Me:33 DH: 34 Married: May 2011 TTC #1: May 2015 DS: 10/20/2016 TTC #2: June 2019 #2 EDD: 2/20/2020
This week has been BONKERS between work, my WTF wednesday (my stressful non stress test. Ugh), my poor pup's vaginal infection (poor girl) and I'm just now catching up on the 5 pages of randoms...
@annabenanna I almost couldn't wait until the end of your insurance saga to reply with an "Oh HELLLLLL NO" to kaiser. So glad it's all worked out, but I'm sorry you had to deal with that! Also - I am a sucker for cute pea pod shit so I need that outfit!
Re: washing lovies and stuffed animals - second washing and drying in pillowcases! Worked for us!
Just now getting caught up on everything! This week has been crazy with my kid starting kindergarten, plus dance, plus cheerleading! By the time 9 rolls around, I'm out and haven't had time to bump. Hope everyone has a good rest of the week!
@MRSCORKER I've been feeling similarly. I think it's normal to feel that way with so much change coming our way soon. I'm starting to feel nostalgic knowing that soon I won't be carrying him inside me anymore
@MRSCORKER I remember feeling that way with DD, I was just so terrified and overwhelmed by what a drastic change it was going to be to actually have her outside of my body instead of just anticipating her arrival. It is 100% normal and okay to feel that way, and for some of that excitement to transition into a little fear and anxiety. This is a life changing event! Don't feel guilty for feeling the way you do, and it is probably a good idea to just go ahead and run it by your OB too, it's never too early to make a game plan against possible PPD! Also, maybe let your H and the friends and family members you're closest with in on how your feeling, support from them will most likely be a big help and source of comfort ::hugs:: This will pass eventually mama, just keep being amazing
Random baby product question ... we registered for the 4moms mamaroo because I like the 2-in-1 concept of having a product that is both a swing and a bouncer. I want to save space and money by buying one thing. But we haven't received it off our registry yet so I'm looking into some other similar but cheaper products.
Does anyone have a combo swing/bouncer/rocker that they like?
@Blonde1817 We got the Graco duetsoothe swing and rocker for $170. Our friends have one and love it so we registered for the same one. There are a bunch of kinds of swing/rockers out there for much cheaper than the mamaroo.
@MRSCORKER I'm feeling much the same way this week and I can't pinpoint why! I just know I have a huge case of the sads and I can't shake it. I feel like I'm on the verge of bursting into tears at any moment. At first I thought it was that let down feeling after our BaByQ this past weekend, then I thought it was let down after my mom, BFF, brother and wife all left town (after the BaByQ), but now I just don't know. I'm just sad, sad, sad. I think you may have nailed some of it - I'm a bit fearful of how it's all going to change, how my relationship with my husband will change, how people's relationships with me will change... I can't wait to meet my baby, and I just want to love on my baby, but I also don't want it to be ALL about the baby - like don't forget about me? I feel like this sounds horrible!! I was thinking hormones are playing a part, too, but that scares me too, cuz I just can't shake this down in the dumps feeling.
@Blonde1817 we got the Graco DuetConnect DLX Swing and Bouncer combo from Target. I liked the combo factor of it all. It is $149.99 at Target and we used a completion coupon for 15% off.
@LMNOBaby It hit me right after my shower on Sunday also! I wasn't particularly looking forward to my shower and though it was nice, I wasn't sad that it was over. I think all of the energy it took out of me kind of set these feelings in motion. It's good to know we're not alone. Hope you feel better soon!
Me: 32 & DH: 37
Married: November 2014
TTC #1 Since: October 2015
BFP #1: 11/18/15 - CP BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16 IT'S A BOY!!!! DS Born 10/16/16
Are any other FTMs feeling overwhelmed? I am completely freaking out about what I need for baby before he gets here.. How many bottles? How many burp cloths? Will he even wear NB clothes? How many NB diapers. All the guides on pinterest and my friends all have severely varying things to say....... UGH STRESS
@Sprinkels28 you are definitely not alone! I had a minor meltdown last night about being completely overwhelmed. The fact that we are moving this weekend doesnt help, but you are not alone. This is all so exciting/new/scary/overwhelming and I just get to feeling a little lost like I dont know what I'm doing
@MRSCORKER and @LMNOBaby Your feelings are completely normal. I certainly felt that way with DD because it's impossible to prepare yourself for the changes that are coming. It's also completely normal if it takes a little while to bond with your baby once he or she is born. You will get through this and it's important to give yourself permission to feel however you feel. You're going to be great moms and you will figure this out as you go, the same way that we all do!
@blonde1817, the only reason we have the Mamaroo is because one of the docs I work with gave it to us as a gift. Otherwise, I would be searching for less expensive alternatives too. I def second what @mrszoess said--try your local facebook groups, moms groups, ask friends-- someone has to have one they don't use anymore!
A few weeks ago I made a trip to Victoria's Secret for slightly bigger bras, and the next size up in my favorite underwear. All good for those weeks. But then the underwear I got, while still technically fits, digs into my skin at the front right where my bump starts and has been soooooo itchy.
So last night I got DH to take me to the mall to get some actual maternity underwear. I was actually surprised by some of the kinds they were selling, because they didn't look comfortable at all. But I got some "roll over" kind that just have a large, stretchy waistband.
Best purchase ever. They feel so good! And now I'm annoyed that I didn't go and buy them sooner!
@mrscorker you aren't alone. Ive been feeling like this about once a week since the beginning. I feel panicky and worried about how things are going to change. I think it's normal especially this close to the finish line. It's starting to get so real. Hang in there mama. We will all be okay.
Thanks @MRSCORKER and @ball4768 - helps to know I'm not alone and that it's a pretty normal feeling... I'm an overthinker by nature, so I need to just shut my brain off a bit and just go with it! I'm worrying about stuff that hasn't even happened yet! Just because things are going to change doesn't mean it's bad change! I always assume the worst!
@Mrscorker I sometimes find myself feeling terrified at night right before bed. I'm so tired these days and by the end of the day all I want to do is lay in a quiet room and rest. I start thinking about how soon there is going to be a real baby to take care of even when I'm tired and not feeling great. It makes me wonder if I will have what it takes. I know I will though. You will too. It's going to be hard sometimes but I think there is a strength coming that we haven't had before.
@blonde1817 I was absolutely going to buy a Momma Roo from offer up before one was gifted to us. Like @mrszoess said, there are tons listed for a great price! Most people take very good care of them because they are so expensive.
I'm with all you ladies on the sudden anxiety. Shit's gotten very real very quickly and it's pretty scary. As a FTM, I'm worried about being underprepared, not having "mother's intuition," my relationship with my husband changing, not being able to do anything I want to do ever again, the baby not being healthy, something going horribly wrong with labor, neglecting our dogs in the process, and I think most of all, that the baby won't like me. I have this intense fear that I won't bond with her and she'll hate me and I'll feel indifferent toward her.
All that said, I realize what I'm feeling is completely normal and that worrying is pointless, but that doesn't stop me from doing it lol.
I'm with all you ladies on the sudden anxiety. Shit's gotten very real very quickly and it's pretty scary. As a FTM, I'm worried about being underprepared, not having "mother's intuition," my relationship with my husband changing, not being able to do anything I want to do ever again, the baby not being healthy, something going horribly wrong with labor, neglecting our dogs in the process, and I think most of all, that the baby won't like me. I have this intense fear that I won't bond with her and she'll hate me and I'll feel indifferent toward her.
All that said, I realize what I'm feeling is completely normal and that worrying is pointless, but that doesn't stop me from doing it lol.
@MRSCORKER I had mentioned this on Facebook, but I think I remember you being one of the ones who doesn't do Facebook right now, so I'll quick mention it again. -- your feelings now may completely disappear when you see your baby which would be great! However, when I had dd I did not have an immediate connection with her. Labor can be traumatic and I was in shock after (and then had an OR visit within an hour after she was born) so by the time I was settled and was holding her, I was kind of... Empty... It only took a few more hours and then it hit me and I am still shocked at how much you can love a person. So moral of the story is it happens. It doesn't mean your a bad parent, it just happens. But I really hope all of your fears disappear!
@Sprinkels28 the only thing I suggest is don't buy a lot of bottles yet! We had all the fancy ones (dr Browns, advent, merely, etc) and my dd ended up only liking the cheap nuk bottles. They are so picky!
@Blonde1817 fp has a nice one that is the same idea. I don't remember exactly what it's called because we got it for free in a trial thing but I think it's about $130. I wanted the mamaroo too but when I got that (virtually the same thing) I ditched my plans for the mamaroo.
I have been having FTM fears too, a lot to do with how my relationship with change with my husband. I have been very needy lately and telling him I just want all his time. He works swings and I work days so we never see each other during the week, so every minute he is off I want that attention.
@Blonde1817 We got the Graco Glider LX Gliding Swing because we wanted something with a small footprint also. It actually had better reviews than the mamaroo. We will see if baby actually likes it or not in a couple months but its nice looking and definitely doesn't take up too much space.
I'm a 3rd time mom and am shitting my pants. I know what to expect. I've had both an easy baby the first time and a extremely colicky baby with reflux the second time and this baby was a surprise cause I have never quite gotten over how hard it was with my second. I have frequent flash backs of being so sore from my c section and just wanting to sleep and she would scream all night and I mean all night while I rocked her in the rocking chair. Then I had to get up with DD1 who was only 17 months old. I am shocked I didn't get PPD, you just seem to get used to no sleep somehow. I had my c section on a Friday morning, went home Saturday morning and my husband was back to work Monday morning. My grandma came to stay with me for a week thankfully. But now all these things are making me extremely emotional and freaked out. I am due the 18th but now I think I could wait until November to have him, just to give me some extra time.
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I'm also terrified. I have no clue how I'm going to handle two newborns and a toddler. Love everyone enough. Take care of the house. Sometimes I want to say "do-over."
@maf9866 I asked my mom and she said it took a few hours for her to bond because she didn't feel like she was back in her body yet. Sounds like what you're talking about. It took months for my best friend to really feel it with both of hers.
Me: 32 & DH: 37
Married: November 2014
TTC #1 Since: October 2015
BFP #1: 11/18/15 - CP BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16 IT'S A BOY!!!! DS Born 10/16/16
These are all normal fears! I'm having them too about going from 1 to 2 kids, how to divide my attention so my daughter doesn't feel neglected, how to get her to school, with a probably crying baby, in the cold weather, there's so much to think about! Plus you never know your baby's personality until they get here. DD was a pretty easy newborn, so what if my baby boy is a super colicky baby?! I just think it's natural toward the end to worry about all these things, but it's no fun!
I feel all of you on the fears and general anxiety. I had a pretty rotten childhood and am terrified of repeating the cycle. I'm a developmental psychologist and I believe my primary (albeit unconscious) motivation for that was the need to understand what a proper development entails. I've never had a long discussion with my mother about how she felt but has never enjoyed being around children, yet never doubted that HER children would be different. Turns out she didn't enjoy being a mom and cut back her maternity leave to 8 weeks (wanted to go back earlier but no nanny would take me). She tried to have me diagnosed with ODD at the age of 2 because she told me to do something and I said no. Things only went downhill from there. Basically that was a long story to say: I truly believe that moms who understand all babies are different, things take time, and really WANT a meaningful emotional connection with their children will be successful. And if things get difficult don't hesitate to ask for help!! Oh, and all of this is easier said than done. I know and believe all of this yet am still terrified.
I'm with all you ladies on the sudden anxiety. Shit's gotten very real very quickly and it's pretty scary. As a FTM, I'm worried about being underprepared, not having "mother's intuition," my relationship with my husband changing, not being able to do anything I want to do ever again, the baby not being healthy, something going horribly wrong with labor, neglecting our dogs in the process, and I think most of all, that the baby won't like me. I have this intense fear that I won't bond with her and she'll hate me and I'll feel indifferent toward her.
All that said, I realize what I'm feeling is completely normal and that worrying is pointless, but that doesn't stop me from doing it lol.
@CopperBoom86 I had all of these same fears when I was pregnant with DS1. Some of the things even came to fruition.
My relationship with my husband did change. Some things for the better. For instance, we have this incredible human that we made and we love him so much, and we can laugh at the hilarious stuff he does, be amazed at how smart he is, and complain about the fact that he hates sleep when we love it. It's something we can bond over.
But, we also have less time together. Our "fun" now revolves around our 2 year old. Usually, it fills my heart with love. On a Friday night when DH is home from practice and DS just wants us to play with him in the basement can be some of the best moments I've had in my life. The boys play rough, we giggle, we play cars or watch a movie. It's making me emotional just thinking about it.
But, sometimes I want my Friday night to be a date night at our favorite restaurant, too many cocktails, followed by ice cream, a movie at home and sexy time. And, that is RARE. My parents live locally, so we have access to babysitters, but that being said, an overnight is just a rare thing. We haven't had one (for a date night) since April. (My grandma did watch DS overnight a few weeks ago because I was out of town for a concert and DH was flying to England). So, if we have a sitter they can come to our house and put DS to bed, but the whole time we're out, we know he'll be up at 7 a.m. (and usually a few times in the middle of the night). So, it's always in the back of your mind.
So - our "catch up" time is now after DS goes to sleep (anywhere from 8:15 to 9:30 p.m.) and when I go to sleep (let's be honest...around 10 p.m.). So, I feel like I miss him, even though we live in the same house.
Regarding the dogs: I'm proud to say we're those people who didn't change their level of affection towards their dogs. Everyone kept telling us, "Just you wait! They'll take a backseat." I couldn't fathom it. And, I think that's because it's not in our DNA. Those dogs are a part of the family. By default, they get less cuddles in the hectic evenings, but as soon as DS is in bed, they're practically prancing in the living room because they know it's time to snuggle. One of my dogs in particular loves our son. It's so sweet seeing them cuddle on the couch. Our other dog could take or leave him, but he's not aggressive or anything.
I am cutting this short because it's a novel. But, suffice it to say, everything worked out. In the first year you'll surprise yourself. You just get through it because you have to. You don't even have time or energy to think about what could be better, or what's going wrong. You have time? You clean or sleep. You have a crying baby? You console it (or try to). Baby is awake? Well, you get up. You just kind of turn into a Super Mom Robot. I actually ended up being pretty proud of myself. I'm not someone who deals well with a lack of sleep. Or, at least, I didn't used to be. But, now I know I can function on a couple of interrupted hours and I sort of feel accomplished.
@F47 - That is all so reassuring. Thank you for taking the time to write it all out. It really did make me feel better!
Also, is it weird that I didn't get emotional until I got to the part about your dogs?? DH and I love our fur babies so much. I've been rocking our dachshund in the glider we obviously bought for Reagan and I've been lying in the floor with our 50 pound mix telling her she'll always be my baby girl! They're both rescues and I don't want them to ever feel less loved!
@bamacoop I feel you! I finally broke out my maternity tank top to go under my shirt this morning, and I've been asking myself all day why I didn't do this sooner! LOL!
I don't know if this belongs to the shit just got real thread or what.... but I finally got seen today by Kaiser (hoooray!!!!! It was also a great first appointment.. more on that in the appointments thread later), but when the doctor scheduled me for my follow up on Sept 6 and said "you'll be 35 weeks in Sept 6, so see you in a week and a half!" I suddenly realized I am running out of time (like all of you all).
So, I got to my computer at work and just spent the last hour automating my life (Thanks Amazon and thanks @sjo_thetwins for the dash button idea). So now everything is dialed. All our shit it on subscribe and save or on a dash button.
Wish there was a dash button for my favorite pad thai place.
@CopperBoom86 Have you seen that Amazon commercial with the dog? The baby sees the dog and cries and he has to watch from afar on her love on a lion? Well the dad buys a mane for the dog so the dog can be involved with the baby without scaring her?
OH MY GOD I break down in tears every time I see it. Granted, I have a cat, but I super hope that my cat never takes a backseat because of our little one. I would do whatever I could to make sure the cat is involved with the baby so she doesn't feel left out.
@mizzkbrat, I don't really know what to do with our cat the first few weeks of baby's life. door shut, or not? let her in crib? no? off limits 24/7 from baby's room? or just at night? Do you have a concrete plan that I can copy from? lol
Re: Weekly Randoms 08.22.2016
Me: 32 & DH: 37
BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16
IT'S A BOY!!!!
DS Born 10/16/16
DH: 34
Married: May 2011
TTC #1: May 2015
DS: 10/20/2016
TTC #2: June 2019
#2 EDD: 2/20/2020
@annabenanna I almost couldn't wait until the end of your insurance saga to reply with an "Oh HELLLLLL NO" to kaiser. So glad it's all worked out, but I'm sorry you had to deal with that! Also - I am a sucker for cute pea pod shit so I need that outfit!
Re: washing lovies and stuffed animals - second washing and drying in pillowcases! Worked for us!
I feel like there was more but I forgot.
BFP #1: 7/15/15, SB: 11/14/15
Rainbow baby DS born 9/29/16!!
BFP #3 3/26/18 | Due 12/3/18
Does anyone have a combo swing/bouncer/rocker that they like?
It's a boy!
Me: 32 & DH: 37
BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16
IT'S A BOY!!!!
DS Born 10/16/16
Are any other FTMs feeling overwhelmed? I am completely freaking out about what I need for baby before he gets here.. How many bottles? How many burp cloths? Will he even wear NB clothes? How many NB diapers. All the guides on pinterest and my friends all have severely varying things to say....... UGH STRESS
A few weeks ago I made a trip to Victoria's Secret for slightly bigger bras, and the next size up in my favorite underwear. All good for those weeks. But then the underwear I got, while still technically fits, digs into my skin at the front right where my bump starts and has been soooooo itchy.
So last night I got DH to take me to the mall to get some actual maternity underwear. I was actually surprised by some of the kinds they were selling, because they didn't look comfortable at all. But I got some "roll over" kind that just have a large, stretchy waistband.
Best purchase ever. They feel so good! And now I'm annoyed that I didn't go and buy them sooner!
@blonde1817 I was absolutely going to buy a Momma Roo from offer up before one was gifted to us. Like @mrszoess said, there are tons listed for a great price! Most people take very good care of them because they are so expensive.
All that said, I realize what I'm feeling is completely normal and that worrying is pointless, but that doesn't stop me from doing it lol.
@Sprinkels28 the only thing I suggest is don't buy a lot of bottles yet! We had all the fancy ones (dr Browns, advent, merely, etc) and my dd ended up only liking the cheap nuk bottles. They are so picky!
@Blonde1817 fp has a nice one that is the same idea. I don't remember exactly what it's called because we got it for free in a trial thing but I think it's about $130. I wanted the mamaroo too but when I got that (virtually the same thing) I ditched my plans for the mamaroo.
Me: 28 DH: 27
Me: 32 & DH: 37
BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16
IT'S A BOY!!!!
DS Born 10/16/16
DS#2 due 25 April 2019
My relationship with my husband did change. Some things for the better. For instance, we have this incredible human that we made and we love him so much, and we can laugh at the hilarious stuff he does, be amazed at how smart he is, and complain about the fact that he hates sleep when we love it. It's something we can bond over.
But, we also have less time together. Our "fun" now revolves around our 2 year old. Usually, it fills my heart with love. On a Friday night when DH is home from practice and DS just wants us to play with him in the basement can be some of the best moments I've had in my life. The boys play rough, we giggle, we play cars or watch a movie. It's making me emotional just thinking about it.
But, sometimes I want my Friday night to be a date night at our favorite restaurant, too many cocktails, followed by ice cream, a movie at home and sexy time. And, that is RARE. My parents live locally, so we have access to babysitters, but that being said, an overnight is just a rare thing. We haven't had one (for a date night) since April. (My grandma did watch DS overnight a few weeks ago because I was out of town for a concert and DH was flying to England). So, if we have a sitter they can come to our house and put DS to bed, but the whole time we're out, we know he'll be up at 7 a.m. (and usually a few times in the middle of the night). So, it's always in the back of your mind.
So - our "catch up" time is now after DS goes to sleep (anywhere from 8:15 to 9:30 p.m.) and when I go to sleep (let's be honest...around 10 p.m.). So, I feel like I miss him, even though we live in the same house.
Regarding the dogs: I'm proud to say we're those people who didn't change their level of affection towards their dogs. Everyone kept telling us, "Just you wait! They'll take a backseat." I couldn't fathom it. And, I think that's because it's not in our DNA. Those dogs are a part of the family. By default, they get less cuddles in the hectic evenings, but as soon as DS is in bed, they're practically prancing in the living room because they know it's time to snuggle. One of my dogs in particular loves our son. It's so sweet seeing them cuddle on the couch. Our other dog could take or leave him, but he's not aggressive or anything.
I am cutting this short because it's a novel. But, suffice it to say, everything worked out. In the first year you'll surprise yourself. You just get through it because you have to. You don't even have time or energy to think about what could be better, or what's going wrong. You have time? You clean or sleep. You have a crying baby? You console it (or try to). Baby is awake? Well, you get up. You just kind of turn into a Super Mom Robot. I actually ended up being pretty proud of myself. I'm not someone who deals well with a lack of sleep. Or, at least, I didn't used to be. But, now I know I can function on a couple of interrupted hours and I sort of feel accomplished.
Also, is it weird that I didn't get emotional until I got to the part about your dogs?? DH and I love our fur babies so much. I've been rocking our dachshund in the glider we obviously bought for Reagan and I've been lying in the floor with our 50 pound mix telling her she'll always be my baby girl! They're both rescues and I don't want them to ever feel less loved!
So, I got to my computer at work and just spent the last hour automating my life (Thanks Amazon and thanks @sjo_thetwins for the dash button idea). So now everything is dialed. All our shit it on subscribe and save or on a dash button.
Wish there was a dash button for my favorite pad thai place.
OH MY GOD I break down in tears every time I see it. Granted, I have a cat, but I super hope that my cat never takes a backseat because of our little one. I would do whatever I could to make sure the cat is involved with the baby so she doesn't feel left out.