I have a question about the board...

sqfibemom · August 2016

So when I was on here before things went nuts it was different. We didn't date posts. We were allowed to basically start whatever the hell thread we wanted whenever we wanted to. There were no designated roles or rules really and it was a lot of fun. I'm not talking about the bitch talking and flaming, I'm just talking about the general feel and flow of the board. It was a lot more laid back. I'm just curious why everything seems so much more regulated and organized now...

Beckyf321 · August 2016

I've been wondering the same thing. I'm new to the Bump, but I remember my last pregnancy website board being way more laid back.

JaneArson · August 2016

I was here before too (D14). I'm thinking that things will kind of organically get more laid back as more people join and we become more of a community? At least that's my hope! I always loved the crazy long threads and the community of them. Right now it feels a little like people are just dumping their thoughts and not interacting so much - but I know that will improve. I (almost) miss the bitch talking and flaming - nothing like a little drama to stir things up and get to know people really quickly!

WkoutMomtoBe · August 2016

I disliked the chatter, symptoms, etc, thread. I mean some make sense. BUT I posted a question in things I bought thread that never got answered but had I made it's own thread I'm sure several people would have chimed in.

And yes, it creates lots of threads, but eventually those die down and go to the bottom or next page. Personally the bitchfest, chatter, symptoms week of x/x/xx creates a lot of clutter. Every week...I mean they're okay but when people are jumped on when they created a thread about something then they sure don't want to stick around.

The point of the internet is for people to find pages of information they want, if someone googles and stumbles upon a thread from this website then it will have info to help them. My feeling is that things get looked over bc they have to go in these general threads. And then when looking back for information, I/someone has to sort throw a chatter/symptom thread when there could just be a designated thread for it?

I see myself as more of lurker and poster on threads already created, I got flamed and I've seen the same happen to others. No one owns these threads, if there are several of you who feel this way, then create meaningful threads. I'm very grateful I have some other groups including an April 2017 moms to be fb group and an in person birth group to lean on

Neikoda · August 2016

sqfibemom The board organization was something that was decided on based on history with past boards. As an active member of TTGP since November of last year, we have seen different organizational structures and the structure we've put in place here has worked best. Many other boards and communities allow a ton of random posts, which usually ends it a handful of responses, but not a lot of strong relationships are built there any finding useful information becomes extremely difficult. The organization encourages everyone to participate at their own pace, allows relevant information and support to be applied to those threads, helps those in similar situations or concerns connect with one another, and overall makes the board much easier to navigate. I'm sorry that you aren't thrilled with the organization of the board but I think that you'll find it allows all of these ladies to relate better and create meaningful relationships with one another. Of course those things do take time and right off of the bat, it won't seem like a community but I guarantee this will change in time. We just prefer to avoid over cluttering the board with topics that can be discussed in a designated place so individuals can better keep track of the conversations they are having with one another. I hope that you understand where we are coming from, but if for some reason you are completely unhappy with how this group is laid out, I know there are a number of other sites that are far more relaxed in their BMB. Hope to see you on the boards!

jena5595 · August 2016

I agree with sqfibemom and WkoutMomtoBe. Respectfully, I think some of the "standard" threads can be nice, but I think burying questions in the "chatter" and "random" threads make them difficult to see/find.

For those that may not be able to read through all the posts, it is a bit overwhelming and IMO makes it hard to participate. If I hop on and see a question/topic posted about which I'm either interested in or can advise, I'll be able to easily see it and contribute. That said, if I only have a few minutes to check out what's happening on A17, I'll likely miss that same topic if it is buried in a "chatter"/"random" post.

clickclackmoo · August 2016

I was originally on board with the structure, but the jumping on people who deviate is not really conducive to community, IMO. I am also curious who "decided on" the change. New owners of TB? Admins? Regulars? I had fun a lot of fun with my last BMB, and I'm still good friends with a number of people from there. Our board was a total shitshow of random posts and heartfelt community. But I'm having a lot of trouble keeping up here. I'm still hopeful that I will see the community form, but it's hard with so many rules, which from my perspective, are arbitrarily enforced. That's all I'm gonna say. Like @neikoda says, I'm happy to leave if I decide I don't like it. Or, we could just collectively loosen up a bit.

picklesplease · August 2016

I agree with @Neikoda. I was a member of TTGP since October 2015. The organization made it easier to find answers to your questions and helped build relationships among other members. I think part of not getting answers reflects on some members not wanting to help others, but instead just wanting to get answers to their questions. This should change as we continue with the organization and start to get to know each other. The more we invest in helping each other, the more answers will come from others.

JaneArson · August 2016

Neikoda said:

sqfibemom The board organization was something that was decided on based on history with past boards. As an active member of TTGP since November of last year, we have seen different organizational structures and the structure we've put in place here has worked best. Many other boards and communities allow a ton of random posts, which usually ends it a handful of responses, but not a lot of strong relationships are built there any finding useful information becomes extremely difficult. The organization encourages everyone to participate at their own pace, allows relevant information and support to be applied to those threads, helps those in similar situations or concerns connect with one another, and overall makes the board much easier to navigate. I'm sorry that you aren't thrilled with the organization of the board but I think that you'll find it allows all of these ladies to relate better and create meaningful relationships with one another. Of course those things do take time and right off of the bat, it won't seem like a community but I guarantee this will change in time. We just prefer to avoid over cluttering the board with topics that can be discussed in a designated place so individuals can better keep track of the conversations they are having with one another. I hope that you understand where we are coming from, but if for some reason you are completely unhappy with how this group is laid out, I know there are a number of other sites that are far more relaxed in their BMB. Hope to see you on the boards!

Woah woah wait. I'm confused. When was this decided? Who is "we"? I thought that there weren't board mods anymore? I'm honestly asking that questions - not trying to be a jerk.

"but I think that you'll find it allows all of these ladies to relate better and create meaningful relationships with one another. " (I am bad at the quote box so I'm pulling some things out in quotes here - I want to make clear what I am quoting vs. what I am saying). Some people are explaining that they've experienced meaningful relationships with things organized another way - so I'm having trouble understanding how this is the only way.

"but if for some reason you are completely unhappy with how this group is laid out, I know there are a number of other sites that are far more relaxed in their BMB"

clover28 · August 2016

I've been around since July 2014 and I really appreciate board organization like we have here and on TTGP. When a board doesn't have organization, you either get threads that are 90 pages long or you get the same AWs posting Dear Diary posts everyday, multiple times per day. I like the feeling of a community, not a board of random people and drive-bys posting random threads where no one really ever gets to know each other. Go check out another popular baby forum website if you don't believe me. It's nuts.

ETA: I was part of the April '15 BMB and it was also very organized. We had a great community before the mass exodus, and following the breakdown of the board the crazies came in. I kind of felt like I was stuck in a zombie apocalypse or something because I stayed behind hoping the board would come back but instead I saw our board literally fall apart and be overrun with drive-bys and speshul snowflakes.

WkoutMomtoBe · August 2016

jena5595 said:

Respectfully, I think some of the "standard" threads can be nice, but I think burying questions in the "chatter" and "random" threads make them difficult to see/find.
For those that may not be able to read through all the posts, it is a bit overwhelming and IMO makes it hard to participate. If I hop on and see a question/topic posted about which I'm either interested in or can advise, I'll be able to easily see it and contribute. That said, if I only have a few minutes to check out what's happening on A17, I'll likely miss that same topic if it is buried in a "chatter"/"random" post.

Yes, yes Yes. YES

catem07 · August 2016

I do like the weekly threads for non-pregnancy/baby related things--like the Olympics, for example, or weekly randoms. Otherwise we might clutter a pregnancy board with too many non-pregnancy related threads.

clover28 · August 2016

WkoutMomtoBe said:

jena5595 said:

Respectfully, I think some of the "standard" threads can be nice, but I think burying questions in the "chatter" and "random" threads make them difficult to see/find.
For those that may not be able to read through all the posts, it is a bit overwhelming and IMO makes it hard to participate. If I hop on and see a question/topic posted about which I'm either interested in or can advise, I'll be able to easily see it and contribute. That said, if I only have a few minutes to check out what's happening on A17, I'll likely miss that same topic if it is buried in a "chatter"/"random" post.

Yes, yes Yes. YES

Honestly, jumping on and seeing a million Dear Diary posts and having to scroll through pages and pages of threads is more overwhelming than reading through a daily thread. If you're only here to pick and choose what you want to read or advise on, you're in the wrong place. This is a community and everyone should be heard, therefore the daily threads work very well for this.

JaneArson · August 2016

@clover28 I'm not sure the "dear diary" post is what some of us are saying (I cannot speak for everyone though, of course). I mean, I just started a teacher post - so definitely not dear diary, and I had a moment where I was really wondering if I should post it since it wasn't a weekly post like I have been seeing. I'd like to start a morning sickness advice post. It makes it easier to look up a specific topic instead of searching through several weekly symptoms threads that don't have too much of a flow.

clover28 · August 2016

@JaneArson Oh, no that's not what I meant at all. If you want to start a legit thread about something meaningful that will appeal to a big chunk of the board members, go ahead. I didn't think twice about seeing the teacher thread. However, if someone were to post "OMG YOU GUYS I CAN'T STOP VOMITING, LIKE WTF" in their own thread I would probably roll my eyes because that comment could easily go in a daily or symptom thread. KWIM?

JaneArson · August 2016

@clover28 I think we're pretty much on the same page then. Like, I'm happy that all the intros are in one place instead of cluttering the board with 10,000 "Hi guys" posts. It's just odd to me that right now every single thread seems to be a weekly - I think that will change though as time goes by.

Neikoda · August 2016

JaneArson I'm totally in agreement on that as well. The weekly threads are just meant to keep some of the clutter down so we don't have a million posts about MS or being tired. If you have a post that is all encompassing on a specific topic, feel free. MS remedies is definitely a good idea, we just would like to keep all of that info in one place so it's not 15 threads of 'OMG I feel so sick, help me'.

clover28 · August 2016

@JaneArson Are you thinking they need to be daily threads? I find it easier to have them weekly so we can continue the conversation throughout the week but start over every week so the thread doesn't have a million pages. My old BMB had daily chatter threads which I liked too. I think as we get further into our BMB we will figure out what we need to do to make things work well for all of us. Right now, it's just trial and error.

housewifehobbyist · August 2016

clover28 said:

I've been around since July 2014 and I really appreciate board organization like we have here and on TTGP. When a board doesn't have organization, you either get threads that are 90 pages long or you get the same AWs posting Dear Diary posts everyday, multiple times per day. I like the feeling of a community, not a board of random people and drive-bys posting random threads where no one really ever gets to know each other. Go check out another popular baby forum website if you don't believe me. It's nuts.

ETA: I was part of the April '15 BMB and it was also very organized. We had a great community before the mass exodus, and following the breakdown of the board the crazies came in. I kind of felt like I was stuck in a zombie apocalypse or something because I stayed behind hoping the board would come back but instead I saw our board literally fall apart and be overrun with drive-bys and speshul snowflakes.

This. Communities in general have rules and social norms to help them function better. It's one thing to post a thread to engage other members (the teacher thread is a great example of that) it's another to have four threads complaining about pregnancy brain, which happened the first week here.

jena5595 · August 2016

I agree that the "dear diary" type threads don't really add value and it makes sense to bucket them in some of the "standard" threads. I just (personally - and I know not everyone agrees) feel that individual questions that haven't been asked before/recently can warrant their own thread. They are easier to find and easier for others to see.

To clarify though, it isn't that I want to "pick and choose" what I read/advise. I'd love to be able to read all the posts in their entirety, but I'm afraid that just isn't feasible for me and I imagine may not be for others as well.

I will try to contribute as much as I can. I just had to chime in on this because it was definitely something that I noticed as well (not many posts other than the reoccurring daily/weekly threads) as being very different since my last BMB (F14).

STM2017 · August 2016

I feel like the group is going to be split 50/50 no matter what. So not everyone is going to be happy with whatever structure is taken. Which in a community this size, it's reality.

My personal opinion is that I prefer to see lots of threads with specifics in the title. Ie. If you're writing to just say you have morning sickness, chances are, I'm not going to open your thread because you could have posted that in the symptoms.

But if you're starting a thread to ask a specific question about birth, PPD, stroller options, etc. I'll be more than happy to open that up and chat.

I have already seen questions go unanswered in the symptoms thread because everyone posts what they are currently feeling and doesn't read every response. So I totally get wanting to start your own thread if you have a legit question.

What I don't agree with is people attacking someone for starting a new thread. It's one thing to say "hey, we actually have a symptoms thread already, so this would be a great place to put this" and another thing to shut someone down and tell them to join a different community. I feel like I've already seen this. And it's made me hesitant to start new threads out of fear that I'm "not putting it in the right place".

Just my two cents.

clover28 · August 2016

STM2017 said:

I feel like the group is going to be split 50/50 no matter what. So not everyone is going to be happy with whatever structure is taken. Which in a community this size, it's reality.

My personal opinion is that I prefer to see lots of threads with specifics in the title. Ie. If you're writing to just say you have morning sickness, chances are, I'm not going to open your thread because you could have posted that in the symptoms.

But if you're starting a thread to ask a specific question about birth, PPD, stroller options, etc. I'll be more than happy to open that up and chat.

I have already seen questions go unanswered in the symptoms thread because everyone posts what they are currently feeling and doesn't read every response. So I totally get wanting to start your own thread if you have a legit question.

What I don't agree with is people attacking someone for starting a new thread. It's one thing to say "hey, we actually have a symptoms thread already, so this would be a great place to put this" and another thing to shut someone down and tell them to join a different community. I feel like I've already seen this. And it's made me hesitant to start new threads out of fear that I'm "not putting it in the right place".

Just my two cents.

I mean, I also agree that jumping the gun and telling someone to go somewhere else is never the norm we should have on this board. But we have threads in categories for a reason so telling someone they would have better luck posting it elsewhere is legit. I also feel like this a community so if you want your questions answered, you're more likely to get them answered if you've given back and participated. This is especially true if you ask a question about your symptoms in the symptoms thread instead of in your own. If I see someone ask a question and I know the answer, I'm much more likely to be like, "Hey! I know them! I'll help them out." I can't speak for everyone, but I feel like this is kind of how a community is run.

STM2017 · August 2016

@clover28, I totally understand what you mean. But to play devils advocate, a lot of members on here are already VERY familiar with each other from the TTGP and other boards. As someone who wasn't on those boards, does that mean that my questions don't deserve a response? I know that if I post a question and no one responds, I'm not going to be very inclined to participate in the future either.

I also think that some people just have the lifestyle that permits them to go on the bump more than others. Now that I'm a SAHM, I bump during nap time. When I was working, I did not have the luxury of going on during work hours and my evenings were very busy. I tried to be active, but I wasn't as active as other members (and I know that). But that doesn't mean that I don't deserve a response to a legitimate question/concern that I may have. That's not how you build community.

picklesplease · August 2016

@clover28- You are so much better at expressing yourself than I will ever hope to be. You're awesome.

Image: https://gifsec.com/wp-content/uploads/GIF/2014/12/Frozen-I-Love-You-GIF-2015.gif?gs=a

clover28 · August 2016

@STM2017 I'm not saying that if you weren't active on another board your questions don't deserve a response. But if you are active on THIS board, your questions most definitely deserve a response. That being said, I now know your bump alias and would respond to your questions because you participate. Some random person who busts in here without ever participating and demanding answers to their question is not going to get any support or answers from me. Same with lurkers. I need to at least recognize your name to even want to give you support. Of course, this is all down the road because excluding a select few of us who do know each other from other boards, we're all strangers. But with the daily threads we all have an opportunity to participate and get to know each other quickly.

I know we don't all have time to bump daily, but being part of a community means at least contributing sometimes. You don't just walk into a room of people with a similar interest and immediately ask your question. You sit, listen, introduce yourself, talk to them, and then ask.

clover28 · August 2016

@doctordonna I'm so not good with words. I feel like a dog with peanut butter on my tongue when I try to explain things (brownie points if you get my Talladega Nights reference). But, I love you too

Mama5181 · August 2016

Not trying to stir the pot or anything, but who is the "we" we decided how the board was to be organized? Is it all TTGPers? I was very active in my J13 BMB which eventually evolved into a FB group and we're stil 90 girls strong. It's just I'm so afraid to start a new post without fear of the police coming in to ticket me and make me feel dumb. Feels hard to get community that way YKWIM?

clover28 · August 2016

@Mama5181 It's not just us as in A17. Lurk around TB. This is how the forums are run, typically due to what has worked for the BMBs and other groups in the past and present. It's not just TTGPers. As long as you start a post that is not AWish you should be fine without flaming from anyone. If you want to start a GTKY thread, go right ahead. Get involved and get to know everyone! That is the point of a community. A community is not about a person expecting us to be their personal Google but instead growing together as a group of women growing tiny human beings.

ChaoticWolf · August 2016

*Lurking from J17*

Image: https://headinthecloudsheartinthebooks.files.wordpress.com/2015/07/11d06-lostherdamnmind.gif?w=350&h=200&crop=1

Have any of you lurked the older bmbs? Without organization they get take over by speshul snowflakes and repetitive dear diary posts. It becomes crazytown! Look at the difference between the D16 bmb (https://forums.thebump.com/categories/december-2016-moms) and the N16 bmb (https://forums.thebump.com/categories/november-2016-moms).

TheJerilu · August 2016

To address the "Who is the 'we'" that keeps getting asked, the "we" is the general community of The Bump over the past year or so. This includes women who have participated regularly on the Trying To Get Pregnant (TTGP) board before coming here as well as members of other BMBs. The BMBs that have a lot of structure tend to actually remain active and foster community, versus the ones that do not. There may be exceptions, but that is what generally works on The Bump.

The Bump has the reputation of tending to be more organized and, as a result, "unwelcoming" to those that do not respect the organization that has been implemented. The members are also far less likely to give false hope than other communities - see basically any thread that pops up in TTGP about "could these symptoms mean I'm pregnant?" where the answer is usually "Unless you are able to make a pregnancy test turn positive, you are not pregnant at this time. Go to wto/tww and actually be a part of the community," versus other communities where members will often give the "that's how I felt when I was pregnant good luck!'" responses.

*****

Now, I feel the need to stick up for myself because some people have not so subtley referred to a person "jumping on" posts that should go elsewhere. As I am one of the few that redirect threads (and I am aware that the others have a similar tone to mine in their posts), I want to make something clear.

Nowhere have I "jumped on" a person. Nowhere have I been rude or sassy. I have simply ensured they've been directed to the "Welcome... Please Read this First" thread and are made aware that an individual thread probably isn't necessary. In some cases, I've answered their question or provided additional resources if I don't think they can find the answers here.

In any discussion like this thread or redirection response as above, I intentionally try to respond in as neutral and respectful of a tone as possible, and it honestly irks me more than it should to know that myself and other women I care about are being misrepresented.

peachy0709 · August 2016

STM2017 said:

What I don't agree with is people attacking someone for starting a new thread. It's one thing to say "hey, we actually have a symptoms thread already, so this would be a great place to put this" and another thing to shut someone down and tell them to join a different community. I feel like I've already seen this. And it's made me hesitant to start new threads out of fear that I'm "not putting it in the right place".

Just my two cents.

THIS. THANK YOU.

JaneArson · August 2016

Here's what I'm thinking and please please correct me if I'm wrong as I try to sum this up. I think it turns out that we all agree more than we disagree - specifically that dear diary posts are annoying as @clover28
pointed out. Some people (including me) feel kind of overwhelmed by the number of weekly threads and check ins that there currently are on the board. Like @stm2017 pointed out, I can't read them all, and I feel like I might be missing some important specific stuff in there that would be nice if it was in a separate question thread. I am NOT saying that there shouldn't be weekly threads - we all need a FFFC and some of us need things like AMA check ins, etc. It just seems like that's the entire board at the moment. I'm hoping for more of a mix soon, but I'm worried that won't happen because there seems to be confusion about what is "ok" to post and what is not - and that we'll lose people who don't feel welcome.

It's kind of hard to say, at this point, that we'll only respond to questions from people who we recognize when this BMB is so new. We're going to get plenty of new people throughout the coming months, and of course they should be told to check out old threads if needed. However, those threads to point them to aren't going to exist if everything is a weekly or checkin.

One thing that seems to be coloring this conversation in general is that anyone who is a bump veteran has an idea of what a BMB should look like. I think we have to remember that it's going to take some time, and some hard conversations like this to figure it out.

housewifehobbyist · August 2016

I've never seen anyone attacked for posting, only guided to what might be a better place for that particular post.

I like the weekly threads, and I like well thought out individual threads. What members should be thinking when posting is "Is this helpful for the community? Or is this just a self serving post that I could have googled/vented to a friend/written in my diary?" If it's the latter, and we've had a few, maybe find a better thread to post your comment in that will be more receptive and not clutter up the board with 15 symptom posts a day.

STM2017 · August 2016

I don't want to argue/debate about this. I'm fine with the general organization within the board. I just want to mention that no one should have to feel like they need "permission" to start a thread. I have already seen people "asking" if it's okay to start a topic. I don't want to have anyone feel like they can't bring something up. Obviously don't be an AW. But if you have a question, and don't think there's already an existing thread for it, then go ahead and post it. Chances are if you're asking it, someone else is too!

I continue to be very close with the May 2015 mom's. And I want to see that same type of community here. It's awesome!! (ESPECIALLY after baby is actually born and we have parenting questions!)

And that's all I'll say

marshmallowmadness · August 2016

I had a different username for my first two, but I was here as far back as Nov 09. I find its best not to disagree with the "we" people running the board or you can get marked as a "speshul sneuxflake" (which btw is such a crappy name to call someone who doesn't agree with the way things are run, or who you think is too self involved).

That at being said, the organization DOES help. I do miss some of the really long threads and the sense of conversation that was in there. But organizing allows me to skim over what doesn't apply to me and easily find things that do. I very much dislike when people are redirected to a symptoms thread when questions there are not always answered and/or their question is a little different than normal. But I think that's the give and take of a group this big. You have to go with the majority and with what works best for the group in general, not individual people.

leslieknope · August 2016

Ah, I'm beginning to remember why everyone left this place last year.

Neikoda · August 2016

I actually thought this was a fairly constructive conversation leslieknope, but no one's making you stay.

clover28 · August 2016

leslieknope said:

Ah, I'm beginning to remember why everyone left this place last year.

Please explain.

cjs260 · August 2016

**lurking from Jan '17**

I feel like I am looking 12 weeks into my past here. Let me tell you what the future looks like if board organization doesn't stick. It's constant drive-bys who get all the answers they could ever use without ever coming back to read them, thank you, or contribute. It's being used as a personal google search. It's a new question every day from a username that you haven't seen before. It's the same username popping up who only starts threads and contribute in no other ones. It's losing the people who you have come to really enjoy seeing around because they are overwhelmed by the DD and AW posts. Then it really starts to derail. It's no fun when you're "expected" to try to Ramzi guess for the 5th time in a week, and it's REALLY not fun when people keep asking you to look at pictures of their fetus's genitals because they don't believe the tech. Just a word of advice: if you are a pro-organizer, stick to your guns now, and back others up when they enforce the organization.

Also, I recognize a lot of the names who are pro-organizers on this post from other parts of TB (while lurking both prior to and after my BFP), and I recognize them for their well-informed opinions and advice, as well as their sense of community. If any of the pro-organizers (that I recognize) were to "jump onto people" (which I also highly doubt), I 100% believe that they would do so for the sake of the community, i.e. helping provide an excellent online community for giving excellent advice, sharing opinions, and building friendships.

leslieknope · August 2016

clover28 said:

leslieknope said:

Ah, I'm beginning to remember why everyone left this place last year.

Please explain.

Just the ever increasing rules and regulations. I mean, anecdotally, some of your BMBs sucked because there was no structure. Equally anecdotally, my BMB was a ton of fun and we were laid back.

clover28 · August 2016

@leslieknope Do you even know why the mass exodus happened last year? I can sure as heck tell you that it had nothing to do with structure of the BMBs.

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