Remember you can still pm me, @laurapcos, or @krzyriver to get in! We will add regulars as we are sent PMs. We need your email address that is connected to your Facebook acct so we don't have to "friend" first.
I've responded to all my PM's I have to wait until I get on a computer at home since for some strange reason the Facebook app won't let me add people to the group
Can I be honest for a second?? Some these people I'm seeing requesting to be a part of the FB group, especially this morning, make me nervous. Nothing personal against anyone, but stranger danger is real. @laurapcos and @krzyriver I hope you guys are being selective about this
@CopperBoom86 I've only added people that I recognize. I got one request from someone that I was unsure of and I double checked it with Laura and Piperella before I sent the invite. Turns out I don't always frequent the same threads as she does. But if there's someone your uncomfortable with, you can always PM us.
Nope, not you. You're not super active, but I do remember you from earlier on.
But again, it's sooooo not personal. I'm sure everyone here is a super awesome human, but on the slight chance that they're not, I just don't want them knowing my real name, where I live, having access to several pictures of me, etc.
@CopperBoom86 - We all have the same concern. Like crzyriver said, we are double/triple checking amongst the three of us. We are using a person's page to view the number of discussions and replies, when they were made, and in which group (we aren't going to accept someone who is a Sept. BMB member just because they have 100 discussion replies... they need to be replying to Oct BMB stuff). We also are looking to approve people who have been active for months, not just the month of July/Aug or whatever.
There are many threads that I'm sure are great here, but they don't really pertain to me, interest me, or I just haven't had the time to keep myself updated with. As long as people are regular posters to threads in the October group, they will get approved. We are doing our best to be super careful. I did create the Internet Safety curriculum for my school system of 60,000 students and 7,500 employees if that makes you feel any "safer".
Can I be honest for a second?? Some these people I'm seeing requesting to be a part of the FB group, especially this morning, make me nervous. Nothing personal against anyone, but stranger danger is real. @laurapcos and @krzyriver I hope you guys are being selective about this
I only had one person ask me that I don't recognize, but they were only asking what the group was about, not to join. I only add people when I'm on my computer because then I can see what activity level they're at (I had someone that was a big PGAL poster, and as that is not a thread I go to, I wouldn't have recognized them). But ya if I don't recognize them, and their activity level shows they don't post with us, then nope not adding them.
But definitely if there is someone that is giving you (or anyone) a red flag, PM one of us and we can check them out and delete them if needed.
Ok @CopperBoom86 would've tried not to take it personally but I didn't think I was a complete rando. The crazies will weed themselves out shortly I'm sure.
Ok @CopperBoom86 would've tried not to take it personally but I didn't think I was a complete rando. The crazies will weed themselves out shortly I'm sure.
One suggestion I might add is to only allow invites for x-period of time. That can be a month, or whatever (we did a month for D14). The reason being is that once the FB page gets going, people will start to become more open with one another. It may be hard to add new people to the group after a while because the stranger danger may become real on the flip side--currently its TB to FB, but it may become FB to TB if that makes any sense.
Married to DH for 6 years (together for 16) DS born 12.13.14 DD born 10.15.16 BFP 1.24.18, MC 3.13.18 BFP 4.25.19, EDD 12.31.19
Ok @CopperBoom86 would've tried not to take it personally but I didn't think I was a complete rando. The crazies will weed themselves out shortly I'm sure.
Hopefully not on our FB page though
Yes, but sadly probably will happen. We had a few people who were regulars on my May 2014 board that ended up being cray and deleted from the Facebook group. Hope we avoid that!
Ok @CopperBoom86 would've tried not to take it personally but I didn't think I was a complete rando. The crazies will weed themselves out shortly I'm sure.
Hopefully not on our FB page though
Yes, but sadly probably will happen. We had a few people who were regulars on my May 2014 board that ended up being cray and deleted from the Facebook group. Hope we avoid that!
Yeah, I'm expecting it unfortunately. We're a pretty tame group tho.... maaaaaaaaybe we'll get lucky? But obviously if someone is making people uncomfortable, we'll take care of it.
I don't post too often, but I'm not sure I'm comfortable joining a Facebook group yet. So I feel ya @CopperBoom86. I probably post once a week or so. Mostly on the ticker change thread or GD check in.
TTC #1 since August 2015 BFP #1 January 28, 2016
EDD October 3, 2016 Felicity Joy, born September 2, 2016 My Chart
TTC #2 Since August 2020 BFP #2 September 11, 2020 EDD May 23, 2021
Ok @CopperBoom86 would've tried not to take it personally but I didn't think I was a complete rando. The crazies will weed themselves out shortly I'm sure.
Hopefully not on our FB page though
Yes, but sadly probably will happen. We had a few people who were regulars on my May 2014 board that ended up being cray and deleted from the Facebook group. Hope we avoid that!
Yeah, I'm expecting it unfortunately. We're a pretty tame group tho.... maaaaaaaaybe we'll get lucky? But obviously if someone is making people uncomfortable, we'll take care of it.
I just added my husband to see how easily (and quickly) it is to delete someone, and sure enough it is instant and no issues.
Unfortunately at this time, we're going to keep the FB group to regulars. Please feel free to get to know the ladies better (and us to get to know you), and we can revisit it at another time.
Ok @CopperBoom86 would've tried not to take it personally but I didn't think I was a complete rando. The crazies will weed themselves out shortly I'm sure.
Hopefully not on our FB page though
Yes, but sadly probably will happen. We had a few people who were regulars on my May 2014 board that ended up being cray and deleted from the Facebook group. Hope we avoid that!
Yeah, I'm expecting it unfortunately. We're a pretty tame group tho.... maaaaaaaaybe we'll get lucky? But obviously if someone is making people uncomfortable, we'll take care of it.
I'm honestly surprised we didnt have any BSC nut jobs from D14 carry over to the FB Group. Honestly... we had all the crazies in my BMB (and I'm sure anyone active during that time can attest to the drama).
That said, if they exist, they'll come out eventually. It's unfortunate, but I would just say do what you are comfortable with. If you join, you can be part of the group but maybe not divulge too much info. Most importantly, lock down your FB profile. Share what you are comfortable with sharing and that's it.
Married to DH for 6 years (together for 16) DS born 12.13.14 DD born 10.15.16 BFP 1.24.18, MC 3.13.18 BFP 4.25.19, EDD 12.31.19
Hmm kinda feeling a little chilly-- I've been active since June ish.. only because I've had losses in the past and find it hard to attach myself to the pregnancy until I'm wayyyyy into it, feeling the baby and everything. I've known since the date of conception. And I make an effort to participate almost daily some weeks. But saying things like "regulars" kinda makes people feel pushed out ....
@mommabear444 It's not that a FB group is meant to be some exclusive club, but people are concerned about their privacy. Everyone is welcome to participate here on The Bump and we've developed relationships with each other. If someone hasn't taken the time to post here, I'm not sure what interest they'd have in a FB group anyway. Also, I sent you a PM earlier today. Not sure if you got it or not....
I agree w @krzyriver. if the bump was too complicated there are Fb groups that are public or more open with membership that could've been used since the beginning. there's a certain level of trust involved I think with a Fb group
@mommabear444 ... I couldn't agree more with what @krzyriver said. It's about safety for me, and I'm sure the others as well. But in addition to that, the "regulars" on this board have put in a lot of time and effort into supporting each other which has lead to us building the relationships we have. Also, keep in mind that most of us have been building these bonds, asking for support, and giving support since our BFP. I had no desire to join a FB group after 2 months of talking with them because I didn't feel confident that they weren't someone on the other end of a keyboard with ill intent. I needed more time. BUT, I encourage anyone who wants to get involved to be involved, here, on TB. It's the best way to get to know everyone when you're new to the group. And we love new folks, but will need time before trust is built for the FB group. And just to reiterate, you shouldn't take anything related to the FB group personally. It is 100% a safety issue and 0% about you personally
Exactly what @mrszoess said, with personal information being more accessible on Facebook, people want a certain level of familiarity and trust before granting access to their private lives. By saying "regulars" we're not saying f-off as we slam the door in your face, we're asking for the opportunity to get to know you (or anyone else) better and you getting to know us, before our lives are exposed.
Can I be honest for a second?? Some these people I'm seeing requesting to be a part of the FB group, especially this morning, make me nervous. Nothing personal against anyone, but stranger danger is real. @laurapcos and @krzyriver I hope you guys are being selective about this
This. I've seen a few that I definitely wouldn't classify as regs.
given the above feedback from @amye102485 and @nlane0723 (as well as some other feedback previously from myself and others), can we start being a little more strict @Piperella, @krzyriver, and @LauraPCOS?
I think a regular doesn't equal, I recognize your picture or your name, and determining what the group feels comfortable with is tough. My view may be different than someone else's. The best option may be to start posting for opinions on the FB group more frequently BEFORE inviting someone (so once they make the request but before a final decision is made). Because... let's face it, although it's easy to remove someone, once they're in, the damage could have already been done. Thoughts?
There is a member of the FB group that I wouldn't classify as regular by any means, personally. In fact, the participation on the board has been sporadic and for less than a month. I understand that people want to be a part of a group, but FB is so, so much more personal than TB. I don't believe anyone has ill intentions, but I definitely do not feel comfortable letting people who aren't regular posters offering advice and support in the FB group. Being a regular doesn't mean posting 1-2x a week, it means offering support for losses, commiserating about annoying husbands and unfinished nurseries, and discussing our latest cravings. The FB group will be so much more than what is discussed here and the majority of you I feel comfortable doing so with, but the one or two that aren't active members shouldn't be in the FB group right now, IMO. That doesn't mean they can't join, I just think there should be a bit more support offered first.
We have tried to be cautious by checking how many posts someone has made in the October board, and if someone doesn't have many (let's say less than 100 posts) we check with each other to see if anyone knows the person...maybe they're a big PGAL poster but since I don't post there, I wouldn't know them.
One thing we did change was that if a member of the FB group tries to add someone, the admin has to approve it first. We figured it would just add some extra security.
But since it seems most of the "regulars" are in the group now, I don't mind posting on FB first to see how you feel by adding someone else (assuming it's not a real regular like if @AllyTheKid reinstates her fb, of course we'd add her)
Re: FaceBook Group Created
Baby A (via IUI due to MFI): Sep 2016 born at 35+6
But again, it's sooooo not personal. I'm sure everyone here is a super awesome human, but on the slight chance that they're not, I just don't want them knowing my real name, where I live, having access to several pictures of me, etc.
There are many threads that I'm sure are great here, but they don't really pertain to me, interest me, or I just haven't had the time to keep myself updated with. As long as people are regular posters to threads in the October group, they will get approved. We are doing our best to be super careful. I did create the Internet Safety curriculum for my school system of 60,000 students and 7,500 employees if that makes you feel any "safer".
But definitely if there is someone that is giving you (or anyone) a red flag, PM one of us and we can check them out and delete them if needed.
PCOS baby due October 09, 2016
Beta #1: 22.5
Beta #2: 74
Married to DH for 6 years (together for 16)
DS born 12.13.14
DD born 10.15.16
BFP 1.24.18, MC 3.13.18
DS1: 5 ; DS2: 4m
Baby #3 Due 9/7/17
DH: 34
Married: May 2011
TTC #1: May 2015
DS: 10/20/2016
TTC #2: June 2019
#2 EDD: 2/20/2020
Mommy to Elizabeth (6/18/09), preemie at 34 weeks
Team Blue!
BFP #1 January 28, 2016
Felicity Joy, born September 2, 2016
My Chart
BFP #2 September 11, 2020
EDD May 23, 2021
That said, if they exist, they'll come out eventually. It's unfortunate, but I would just say do what you are comfortable with. If you join, you can be part of the group but maybe not divulge too much info. Most importantly, lock down your FB profile. Share what you are comfortable with sharing and that's it.
Married to DH for 6 years (together for 16)
DS born 12.13.14
DD born 10.15.16
BFP 1.24.18, MC 3.13.18
Also, keep in mind that most of us have been building these bonds, asking for support, and giving support since our BFP. I had no desire to join a FB group after 2 months of talking with them because I didn't feel confident that they weren't someone on the other end of a keyboard with ill intent. I needed more time. BUT, I encourage anyone who wants to get involved to be involved, here, on TB. It's the best way to get to know everyone when you're new to the group. And we love new folks, but will need time before trust is built for the FB group.
And just to reiterate, you shouldn't take anything related to the FB group personally. It is 100% a safety issue and 0% about you personally
Me: 28 DH: 27
I think a regular doesn't equal, I recognize your picture or your name, and determining what the group feels comfortable with is tough. My view may be different than someone else's. The best option may be to start posting for opinions on the FB group more frequently BEFORE inviting someone (so once they make the request but before a final decision is made). Because... let's face it, although it's easy to remove someone, once they're in, the damage could have already been done. Thoughts?
Me: 28 DH: 27
One thing we did change was that if a member of the FB group tries to add someone, the admin has to approve it first. We figured it would just add some extra security.
But since it seems most of the "regulars" are in the group now, I don't mind posting on FB first to see how you feel by adding someone else (assuming it's not a real regular like if @AllyTheKid reinstates her fb, of course we'd add her)