My 75-year-old-aunt called me this morning to tell me that my mom lost her keys at a Walmart 50 miles away from where I live and that she called my aunt to tell her she needs ME to pick up my younger sister and take her to my mom's house in the next town over to find her spare key, then drive to said Walmart to drop it off.
I said No. Bitch is supposed to be at WORK anyway, not Walmart. Call somebody who isn't pregnant, toting an infant everywhere, aaaand you didn't abandon as a child. Just sayin'.
I am jealous and almost resentful of women who have singleton, easier-than-mine, or somewhat normal, pregnancies. I am jealous that I most likely will not leave the hospital with my LOs, that they will probably spend time in the NICU, and that I don't get to enjoy this pregnancy like I had really imagined or hoped I would and see other pregnant mamas doing. This is my first and only pregnancy, of course I may have gone into it with unreal expectations, but I basically did not and will not get anything out of this pregnancy that I had hoped for (other than my babes).
The 2 or 3 showers and parties we were going to get to do with everyone we love, a maternity shoot, being able to go do things outside of my home on a regular basis and at least nesting at home, and what seems like the inevitable - leaving the hospital with my babies and getting to reach a full term pregnancy. Going home outfits don't even need packed in my hospital bag. None of those things get to happen. I feel guilty for feeling these thoughts because we were lucky to even get pregnant and I know the outcome of the pregnancy is still going to be the same, babies. But, it's nothing like I had hoped and wished for my pregnancy to be and I have been pretty physically miserable through a lot of it, at least half of it. It just makes me sad. And then not proud of myself for feeling this way.
Confession over.
Maybe the girls will surprise me and make me miserable for 7 more weeks instead of just a few.
I'm pretty sure I'm driving everyone in my office area crazy chewing ice and I give 0 fucks. I dare someone to say something to me after I finally found a place near work that has crunchy ice...
... but my real confession is I just took, like, 787 selfies at my desk because this is the first time in my third tri that I've actually felt like I looked good.
@sjo_thetwins I don't judge you AT ALL. I guess my FFFC is that I don't understand when people wish for multiples because of all the things you listed. I would have struggled a lot with all of those things as well and I'm glad I only have one in there. That being said, you are SO STRONG and you are going to have 2 amazingly beautiful little girls. Try to remember that when you're struggling. You've got this!
Me: 32 & DH: 37
Married: November 2014
TTC #1 Since: October 2015
BFP #1: 11/18/15 - CP BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16 IT'S A BOY!!!! DS Born 10/16/16
@UponAStar16 ... that would make me seriously stabby. I cannot take loud chewing. It's like nails on a chalkboard for me. lol
@sjo_thetwins ... I'm sorry love... I can understand why you'd feel that way I wish there was something we all could do or say to make it better. Hopefully, after this is all said and done, this feeling won't even be a blip on your radar. ::hugs::
@sjo_thetwins *hugs* after yesterday, what I went thru is nothing close to what you are going thru, but I get it. I'm pulling for you!!
Married 11-11-11 TTC only since Dec 2015. I had some weight to get off. Been working hard in the gym for over a year. BFP 02-15-16 with our first IT'S A BOY!!!
Thanks ladies. You all have been a life saver this pregnancy. I'm definitely not trying to discredit anyone else's issues or feelings or complications! ❤️
@sjo_thetwins I think those are perfectly reasonable and acceptable feelings! We all have an expectation of how pregnancy is going to be and I think most of us have been quite a bit mistaken... You just got a double dose of all the bad stuff! It totally sucks to not enjoy this pregnancy as you wanted and deserve - but I think you're doing a phenomenal job of mothering already, doing everything you can to keep those little ladies cooking as long as possible, the sacrifices you've made and the (gulp) catheters you've endured, all to try and get your girls as healthy as they can be before you get to meet them in person! You're one strong mama!!
And, on the plus side, you have an AMAZING nursery already set up for those lucky ladies! And maybe if you can't do a maternity shoot, think of the great newborn/family shoot you can do after they're here! And, can you not have a shower because of the bed rest? Couldn't you do something where you get propped on a pillow throne or something and everyone comes to you? Or maybe a fun party afterwards, where everyone can meet the girls? Just trying to give you some options that while not ideal, could still perk you up!! Hang in there lady!
@sjo_thetwins I'm not going to pretend to get how hard it is to be pregnant with 2 babies, but I totally get the other things! I'm so sorry, it totally sucks.
@sjo_thetwins You are only human, and it is completely human to have a set of hopes and expectations, then feel sad or disappointed when they aren't even remotely met. Don't feel guilty for that. You have had one of the roughest FTM experiences I've heard of, and I don't blame or judge you one bit for how you feel.
@UponAStar16 I would be that person in the next cubicle not saying anything, but fantasizing about slapping that cup of ice out of your hands haha
@LMNOBaby we are having a few family members come to the house on Sunday for a small shower. But it's last minute and very much just another - not what I expected. Hence the feeling of guilt for even feeling this way. I'm thankful, but still bummy. Thank you for the sweet suggestions though and kind words!
@MRSCORKER I don't know why other people intentionally try to have multiples either. It's hard! And so high risk. Too stressful for me, lol.
@UponAStar16 - I'm now CRAVING crunchy ice more than anything in the world!! And icees, and slurpees, and any kind of frozen drink imaginable. I want to crunch all the icy things possible. And I will gladly drive all my co-workers out of this building while I do so.
@sjo_thetwins I won't pretend to understand any of it, but you rock! I'm so sorry it hasn't been everything you wanted pregnancy to be, but I hope when you have those girls in your arms that it will all become a distant memory. Keep up the good work you've been doing to keep yourself and the babies healthy! Hopefully you can do some fun family photo shoots afterwards!
Me:33 DH: 34 Married: May 2011 TTC #1: May 2015 DS: 10/20/2016 TTC #2: June 2019 #2 EDD: 2/20/2020
@sjo_thetwins I'm not going to even begin to pretend that I know what you are going through, and will continue to go through. I think it's perfectly acceptable to mourn the loss of the pregnancy you were hoping for. I also agree with you: I kind of dislike people who seem to breeze through pregnancy. My mom had 6 kids and said she could have had 10 since she never had a problem with being pregnant, my SIL debated (after her husband got a secret vasectomy) becoming a surrogate because she loved being pregnant. I may not have had the worst pregnancy, but I'm definitely not feeling like that!! I feel like Elizabeth Banks in 'What to Expect...'
@UponAStar16 even though the sound of loud chewing bothers me, I feel you on the ice!! I basically eat at least a large cup of ice a day (like large fountain soda size). Idk why but it's one of the only things that settles my stomach.
I have 2: 1. The other day I really wanted to bitch about my mother and mil in a completely whiny way but I'm scared to start a new discussion. One because I really am shy. Lurking- ok, commenting- still ok but a little more nerve wracking, starting- nope! I'll just pretend in my own mind that I'm telling everyone. And I didn't want anyone to think special snowflake about it!
2. This is kind of bitchy of me but I don't like to tell other people where I buy dd's clothes. Generally speaking they are normal places like Oldnavy or gap or target but I am obsessed with h&m. The thing is, I live in a pretty rural place so no one really shops there but since I'm from CT I've been shopping there since they redid the mall by where my family lives like 10-15 years ago. Now I mostly shop online (love when they went online).
but I have a friend who loves to get everything I have (and she has way more money so she gets what I have plus more). She really loves to copy off of my dd for her dd. Like the same exact things. So when my dd wears something from h&m and she asks, I lie. I'll either pretend idk or say someone bought it for her or whatever. It drives me crazy that she has to copy and I like that my dd's clothes aren't always exactly the same as 15 other kids. I also get irrationally mad when friends on Facebook shops there (they live close to philly where there is a store) and then tells people! I'm like 'noooo, my secret!!'.
@sjo_thetwins you got this! It's okay to feel disappointed from unmet expectations too. You've been keeping it pretty dang positive!
@UponAStar16 hahaha I've had multiple conversations about this, and everyone has THAT person in their office who chews ice all day. I put it on par with clipping nails at the office too. .......but now I want to go get some ice................
@CopperBoom86 werrrrrrk! Selfies are hard to take hence me looking totally pissed in hdbd. I was concentrating.
@sjo_thetwins I'm so sorry! As others have said, it's perfectly reasonable for you to feel how you feel. When those baby girls get here, it will all be worth it, but that doesn't make it any easier to get through r tough times now.
@sjo_thetwins to echo what everyone else has said already, it is totally reasonable for you to feel how you're feeling, and I'm so sorry that this pregnancy has been so rough for you. I had to leave the board for a few days after my gestational diabetes diagnosis because I was getting jealous of all the "I PASSED MY GD TEST!" posts and posts about eating cupcakes, ice cream, and all this other stuff I need to stay away from, and my diagnosis is nothing compared to what you've gone through, so I can only imagine how difficult it's been for you. You are one BADASS mama though, and at the end of the day, you will be taking strong, beautiful, healthy girls home. I know that focusing on that doesn't always take away from how much it sucks to get there sometimes, but I have total faith that you can get through these next few weeks, and you'll be home with your girls before you know it!
DH and I: Early/mid 30s Married 7/15
TTC #1 as of 8/15
BFP 11/21/15 -- MC confirmed 12/1/15 BFP #2 2/18/16
@sjo_thetwins I was actually just talking to my perinatal therapist about this. I had originally started to see her because I had a bad bout of baby blues after DS1 and am trying to be proactive with emotional support if it happens after this baby. I've been having a lot of the same feelings as this pregnancy has been complicated and I've been in the hospital/ on bed rest and now on a modified bed rest and most likely back onto bed rest soon. Although our pregnancies are different- I have a lot of unknowns with mine too and it's scary. It's also hard to not be resentful that this isn't what we expected. And it's very normal to be upset about that. It's normal to be upset that you can't do the things you had planned. It's also normal to be upset about a pregnancy you are actually very happy about. You are allowed to feel different emotions with this pregnancy- it doesn't have to be all joy and all anger. It can be a combination of the both. It is also scary to think about a NICU stay and how to deal with it and the fact that the girls might not get to come home with you. Also pack some special blankets and hats- I've seen babies in the NICU that were able to have their own things.
But as @LMNObaby said you're already an amazing mother to those babies. And you will figure it out as it happens.
I also think that it's great that you're allowing yourself to feel what you feel vs hiding it/ being ashamed (which there is no reason to feel that way).
My FFFC is that I'm more than happy that I haven't worked out and or really calorie counted this entire pregnancy. I was going SO HARD for 2 years at the gym and watched EVERYTHING I put into my body, even went vegetarian for a year to clean out my system. Paid thousands for a PT, he was worth it, but it's been nice sitting back and relaxing and not being so hard on myself and letting me just enjoy pregnancy. Granted I just posted a pic of my before and afters and now I can't wait to get back in the gym once my little man arrives. Ha.
Married 11-11-11 TTC only since Dec 2015. I had some weight to get off. Been working hard in the gym for over a year. BFP 02-15-16 with our first IT'S A BOY!!!
@serenaxo84 and @simcal18 you both are so kind and helpful with your posts. I really appreciate the positive feed back and it's truly nice to feel validation from other mamas.
Everyone on on here is super badass and I really appreciate you.
@sportiegrl1213 - I hear ya on that, girl! I have continued to workout and make healthy food choices, but I haven't counted calories, at all. That was such a huge part of my life for a year, now it feels like I'm on vacation all the time or something. So awesome.
I simultaneously look forward to and dread going back to calorie counting. In the end, I know it pays off big time, so I'll do it, but I might pout about it for a while!
@sjo_thetwins This single one has been hard enough, I can't imagine having to go through what you've gone through, but you're handling it like a rock star!
My FFFC is my husband always wants sex and we've only had sex once since we got our BFP (and it was quite painful tbh). I have like a zero sex drive, could not care less if it happens, but it's been killing him. He practically begs me everyday, but I'm so uncomfortable and feel so unattractive that I always turn him down. It's to the point where it just annoys the crap or of me when he asks, but I feel like a horrible wife for not giving in. Well two days ago I woke up to him jacking off in the middle of the night since it was shaking the bed and I was irrationally angry. I've been getting terrible sleep lately due to heartburn and hip pain, that I went to instant rage when he woke up me. I got up and slept in the spare bedroom. Yesterday he said he's just too frustrated with not having sex he's just going to keep doing it, so I didn't even bother laying down in our bed last night, I just went to the spare bedroom and slept. It was honestly the best sleep I've had in weeks! I didn't get up to go to the bathroom at all and only woke up once when the dog stole the covers. I want to sleep like that all the time.
@nataliemaephotography omg! I feel you. With DS1 all I wanted to do with have sex. But with this pregnancy, I have a zero sex drive. I wasn't upset at all when I got put on pelvic rest at 18 weeks. But lately I have been feeling guilty that I haven't tried anything with him!
This might be more of an UO but I don't get the whole Coming Home Outfit thing. It seems like it's a really popular thing to plan and get excited about but I just don't care what he's wearing when we drive from the hospital to our house. I'll probably pick out my favorite little outfit from what we already have but I'm not getting anything special.
Me: 32 & DH: 37
Married: November 2014
TTC #1 Since: October 2015
BFP #1: 11/18/15 - CP BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16 IT'S A BOY!!!! DS Born 10/16/16
Well my sex drive is definitely still there but my husbands is pretty much gone... I want to punch him in the face!! I purposely asked about sex at the last OB appt with him there, doc said go until you don't want to. I just glared at him.
Sometimes when I read a blog that says basically exactly what I want to say/wish I came up with I use it as a baseline to write a blog that says the same thing and sometimes steal a few lines even.... and don't link to the original article.
@MRSCORKER I thought I was the only one. I'm just gonna pick a cute outfit from what I already have or get from my shower and call it a day.
Married 11-11-11 TTC only since Dec 2015. I had some weight to get off. Been working hard in the gym for over a year. BFP 02-15-16 with our first IT'S A BOY!!!
@mrscorker I am the same way...DS1 had a disgusting up the back poop on the way home from the hospital...there went the cute outfit which was really just a one piece sleeper from Baby Gap- that was newborn and huge.
I can't stand people who have to be so negative about things they don't enjoy. Like the people who are already complaining about all the pumpkin spice stuff coming or who obsessively post memes about how stupid Pokemon Go is. You don't like pumpkin spice stuff? That's fine. Don't eat it. You think Pokemon Go is a waste of time? Valid opinion. Don't play it. By why do people have to constantly rain on other peoples parades? Life sucks, let them find enjoyment where they can.
@sjo_thetwins, I'm so sorry. I don't know how it must feel like and I don't know all you're going through. Like PPs have said, I think we all went into this pregnancy thing having expectations. Know that we will get through it, and you are doing amazing!
My FFFC is that I am super excited about certain things about this pregnancy/baby: the babyshower, setting up the nursery, this baby's first trip, his baptism, his first meal, his first word, his first steps, his first laugh, his cute little outfits.... and I don't know if I'm really mentally prepared for all the hard work this baby business is all about. DH once said to me. "having kids... it's like 80% a PITA...and 20% magical... and the 20% magical often makes up for the 80% sucky parts...but better believe there will be so much of it that will suck" I'm not even really thinking about all the hard work. My head is in the clouds. All I can think of are baby outfits and cute baby carriers.... not about spitup or poop everywhere.
Second FFFC: The ONLY reason I don't play Pokemon Go is because FI would make fun of me so hard... I want to terribly bad, and everytime I am with my sister she whips out her phone so we can look for Pokemon.
And I love Pumpkin Spice. The smell anyway, give me all the candles, glade, and febreeze! It sounds like it'd be a great flavor too though... I love pumpkin pie and I love cinnamon, assuming that those two flavors are the base I don't see how it could NOT be delicious!
@AllyTheKid I actually hate pumpkin pie, but I like certain pumpkin spice things. Lattes are a no for me, I go to Starbucks in the fall for their cider. But I love pumpkin spice pancakes and muffins! Lol. And I hated Pokemon as a kid so I dont get the whole Pokemon Go thing, but I love watching DH and SS get all excited over it.
@MRSCORKER I'm the same way. For dd my mom and older sister went out and bought this cute little pink dress and cardigan. My dh and I put her in it, put her in her car seat, took a few pictures and then put her in a sleep and play thing from Carter's to actually take her home. It was a really nice gesture and it was cute (she did wear it again so it didn't go to waste) but the day we took her home was the coldest day so far that year and we were just like no way with the dress and the socks and all of it.
I just got another sleeper thing for this Lo.
But I think anyone who is super excited about it, should be! It's just not my cup of tea.
Re: FFFC 08.05.2016
I said No.
Bitch is supposed to be at WORK anyway, not Walmart. Call somebody who isn't pregnant, toting an infant everywhere, aaaand you didn't abandon as a child. Just sayin'.
I am jealous and almost resentful of women who have singleton, easier-than-mine, or somewhat normal, pregnancies. I am jealous that I most likely will not leave the hospital with my LOs, that they will probably spend time in the NICU, and that I don't get to enjoy this pregnancy like I had really imagined or hoped I would and see other pregnant mamas doing. This is my first and only pregnancy, of course I may have gone into it with unreal expectations, but I basically did not and will not get anything out of this pregnancy that I had hoped for (other than my babes).
The 2 or 3 showers and parties we were going to get to do with everyone we love, a maternity shoot, being able to go do things outside of my home on a regular basis and at least nesting at home, and what seems like the inevitable - leaving the hospital with my babies and getting to reach a full term pregnancy. Going home outfits don't even need packed in my hospital bag. None of those things get to happen. I feel guilty for feeling these thoughts because we were lucky to even get pregnant and I know the outcome of the pregnancy is still going to be the same, babies. But, it's nothing like I had hoped and wished for my pregnancy to be and I have been pretty physically miserable through a lot of it, at least half of it. It just makes me sad. And then not proud of myself for feeling this way.
Confession over.
Maybe the girls will surprise me and make me miserable for 7 more weeks instead of just a few.
... but my real confession is I just took, like, 787 selfies at my desk because this is the first time in my third tri that I've actually felt like I looked good.
Me: 32 & DH: 37
BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16
IT'S A BOY!!!!
DS Born 10/16/16
@sjo_thetwins ... I'm sorry love... I can understand why you'd feel that way
TTC only since Dec 2015. I had some weight to get off. Been working hard in the gym for over a year.
BFP 02-15-16 with our first
IT'S A BOY!!!
And, on the plus side, you have an AMAZING nursery already set up for those lucky ladies! And maybe if you can't do a maternity shoot, think of the great newborn/family shoot you can do after they're here! And, can you not have a shower because of the bed rest? Couldn't you do something where you get propped on a pillow throne or something and everyone comes to you?
@UponAStar16 I would be that person in the next cubicle not saying anything, but fantasizing about slapping that cup of ice out of your hands haha
@CopperBoom86 Work it girl!
@MRSCORKER I don't know why other people intentionally try to have multiples either. It's hard! And so high risk. Too stressful for me, lol.
@sjo_thetwins I won't pretend to understand any of it, but you rock! I'm so sorry it hasn't been everything you wanted pregnancy to be, but I hope when you have those girls in your arms that it will all become a distant memory. Keep up the good work you've been doing to keep yourself and the babies healthy! Hopefully you can do some fun family photo shoots afterwards!
DH: 34
Married: May 2011
TTC #1: May 2015
DS: 10/20/2016
TTC #2: June 2019
#2 EDD: 2/20/2020
@UponAStar16 even though the sound of loud chewing bothers me, I feel you on the ice!! I basically eat at least a large cup of ice a day (like large fountain soda size). Idk why but it's one of the only things that settles my stomach.
I have 2:
1. The other day I really wanted to bitch about my mother and mil in a completely whiny way but I'm scared to start a new discussion. One because I really am shy. Lurking- ok, commenting- still ok but a little more nerve wracking, starting- nope! I'll just pretend in my own mind that I'm telling everyone. And I didn't want anyone to think special snowflake about it!
2. This is kind of bitchy of me but I don't like to tell other people where I buy dd's clothes. Generally speaking they are normal places like Oldnavy or gap or target but I am obsessed with h&m. The thing is, I live in a pretty rural place so no one really shops there but since I'm from CT I've been shopping there since they redid the mall by where my family lives like 10-15 years ago. Now I mostly shop online (love when they went online).
but I have a friend who loves to get everything I have (and she has way more money so she gets what I have plus more). She really loves to copy off of my dd for her dd. Like the same exact things. So when my dd wears something from h&m and she asks, I lie. I'll either pretend idk or say someone bought it for her or whatever. It drives me crazy that she has to copy and I like that my dd's clothes aren't always exactly the same as 15 other kids. I also get irrationally mad when friends on Facebook shops there (they live close to philly where there is a store) and then tells people! I'm like 'noooo, my secret!!'.
@UponAStar16 hahaha I've had multiple conversations about this, and everyone has THAT person in their office who chews ice all day. I put it on par with clipping nails at the office too. .......but now I want to go get some ice................
@CopperBoom86 werrrrrrk! Selfies are hard to take hence me looking totally pissed in hdbd. I was concentrating.
Married 7/15
BFP #2 2/18/16
@sjo_thetwins I was actually just talking to my perinatal therapist about this. I had originally started to see her because I had a bad bout of baby blues after DS1 and am trying to be proactive with emotional support if it happens after this baby. I've been having a lot of the same feelings as this pregnancy has been complicated and I've been in the hospital/ on bed rest and now on a modified bed rest and most likely back onto bed rest soon. Although our pregnancies are different- I have a lot of unknowns with mine too and it's scary. It's also hard to not be resentful that this isn't what we expected. And it's very normal to be upset about that. It's normal to be upset that you can't do the things you had planned. It's also normal to be upset about a pregnancy you are actually very happy about. You are allowed to feel different emotions with this pregnancy- it doesn't have to be all joy and all anger. It can be a combination of the both. It is also scary to think about a NICU stay and how to deal with it and the fact that the girls might not get to come home with you. Also pack some special blankets and hats- I've seen babies in the NICU that were able to have their own things.
But as @LMNObaby said you're already an amazing mother to those babies. And you will figure it out as it happens.
I also think that it's great that you're allowing yourself to feel what you feel vs hiding it/ being ashamed (which there is no reason to feel that way).
TTC only since Dec 2015. I had some weight to get off. Been working hard in the gym for over a year.
BFP 02-15-16 with our first
IT'S A BOY!!!
Everyone on on here is super badass and I really appreciate you.
I simultaneously look forward to and dread going back to calorie counting. In the end, I know it pays off big time, so I'll do it, but I might pout about it for a while!
ETA: I almost lost it on my coworker who was eating way too loud the other day...ice cream! How do you eat ice cream loudly?!
My FFFC is my husband always wants sex and we've only had sex once since we got our BFP (and it was quite painful tbh). I have like a zero sex drive, could not care less if it happens, but it's been killing him. He practically begs me everyday, but I'm so uncomfortable and feel so unattractive that I always turn him down. It's to the point where it just annoys the crap or of me when he asks, but I feel like a horrible wife for not giving in. Well two days ago I woke up to him jacking off in the middle of the night since it was shaking the bed and I was irrationally angry. I've been getting terrible sleep lately due to heartburn and hip pain, that I went to instant rage when he woke up me. I got up and slept in the spare bedroom. Yesterday he said he's just too frustrated with not having sex he's just going to keep doing it, so I didn't even bother laying down in our bed last night, I just went to the spare bedroom and slept. It was honestly the best sleep I've had in weeks! I didn't get up to go to the bathroom at all and only woke up once when the dog stole the covers. I want to sleep like that all the time.
Me: 32 & DH: 37
BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16
IT'S A BOY!!!!
DS Born 10/16/16
TTC only since Dec 2015. I had some weight to get off. Been working hard in the gym for over a year.
BFP 02-15-16 with our first
IT'S A BOY!!!
My FFFC is that I am super excited about certain things about this pregnancy/baby: the babyshower, setting up the nursery, this baby's first trip, his baptism, his first meal, his first word, his first steps, his first laugh, his cute little outfits.... and I don't know if I'm really mentally prepared for all the hard work this baby business is all about. DH once said to me. "having kids... it's like 80% a PITA...and 20% magical... and the 20% magical often makes up for the 80% sucky parts...but better believe there will be so much of it that will suck" I'm not even really thinking about all the hard work. My head is in the clouds. All I can think of are baby outfits and cute baby carriers.... not about spitup or poop everywhere.
And I love Pumpkin Spice. The smell anyway, give me all the candles, glade, and febreeze! It sounds like it'd be a great flavor too though... I love pumpkin pie and I love cinnamon, assuming that those two flavors are the base I don't see how it could NOT be delicious!
@krzyriver
I just got another sleeper thing for this Lo.
But I think anyone who is super excited about it, should be! It's just not my cup of tea.