My husband used to work for Nabisco and we had cases of them, but he was the only one that ate them. I mean, I'll eat one if I want something sweet and it's the only thing, but I really don't like them.
Also, I'm from Oklahoma and I don't like tea. People gasp when I say that here haha!
I feel like unmedicated or natural birth are dirty words on this board. Maybe it's just me being sensitive but I feel like anytime someone mentions that is part of their birth plan, the immediate response is, "Well, that's good, but be prepared that it might not work out." Sure, it's good to know birth plans often don't go as planned but why isn't the first response support instead of condescension?
@PSUBecky23 - that's a great point to make... and I'm realizing I reply to breastfeeding posts with the same attitude. Like a "Good for you BUT you never know... yadda yadda yadda" I think people understand at this point that nothing is guaranteed with their baby plans, maybe we don't need to keep focusing on it. When someone shares a plan about birth, child rearing, etc... perhaps we can just say "Awesome!" unless they're actually asking for a full blown opinion/personal account on the matter.
I feel like unmedicated or natural birth are dirty words on this board. Maybe it's just me being sensitive but I feel like anytime someone mentions that is part of their birth plan, the immediate response is, "Well, that's good, but be prepared that it might not work out." Sure, it's good to know birth plans often don't go as planned but why isn't the first response support instead of condescension?
I could see that. I think it's not meant to be a negative and meant to be a, "don't beat yourself up if it doesn't happen" kind of message. Like saying that I know this is what you want, but I support you deciding halfway through that you don't want it, because sometimes people are really hard on themselves when that's what they wanted but it didn't happen. But I can see how that would get really annoying and seem super negative and not encouraging.
And don't get me wrong, the majority of this board is super positive and encouraging. It just always seems to come back to that response and especially when it comes to the topic of unmedicated births. Condescension was the wrong word to use to describe it.
But I'm also the crazy, crunchy mom who would give birth under a waterfall surrounded by fairies and unicorns if I could.
I feel like unmedicated or natural birth are dirty words on this board. Maybe it's just me being sensitive but I feel like anytime someone mentions that is part of their birth plan, the immediate response is, "Well, that's good, but be prepared that it might not work out." Sure, it's good to know birth plans often don't go as planned but why isn't the first response support instead of condescension?
I felt like this during my first pregnancy. My own doctor told me that a birth plan would only raise the likelihood that I would be disappointed if things didn't go the way I wanted. I was livid. I ended up choosing an epidural and guilted myself way too much over it. My doctor was right.
This time I realize that people are just trying to help you emotionally and mentally prepare for other possible outcomes, especially if you are a FTM. If I ask for input, then it's not anyone's job to tell me what I want to hear. I understand now that you just can't rely on others to build up your own plans/capabilities.
It is important to understand that there is always a chance things won't follow your plan, and a HIGH likelihood that things won't go EXACTLY the way you plan. A lot of women on this board may have planned for a vaginal or unmedicated birth and ended up with a c/s, due to things outside of their control, and that could have been hard for them to deal with. They just want to help other women deal with that kind of disappointment. I know that I would grieve a little if I end up with a c/s this time. DD2 has been breech for most of this pregnancy, so there is a chance that I may have to have one, and it's just not in my control. I would be happy to have the support from other moms who went through a similar experience.
If you solely want cheering and high fives over your birth plan, then you should probably post on the natural birth board, or talk with someone who has had an unmedicated birth. Otherwise you are going to get a variety of responses because there are a variety of women with different experiences/opinions here.
Okay, I'm going to say it. I think it's incredibly rude to post religious quote memes as support for someone who has not shared their religious affiliation. At least write your own words of support if you are going to mention your faith.
@PSUBecky23I know what you mean, and am with you on the unicorn front, though I prefer mine frolicking around rainbows to waterfalls. I get (I think) why people respond the way they do, but it does disappoint me. We all realize that shit can go sideways. I don't like doubt being placed before it needs to be, and feel like it becomes a more likely reality once that seed is planted and that confidence shaken. This is my general life outlook, though describes my feelings on the subjects of birth and breastfeeding well.
I say this as a soon to be unmedicated VBAC mum after being the poster child for shit going sideways my last time around.
Natural M/C 03.26.2012 at 10w2d Charlotte born at 28w3d due to severe IUGR on 12.24.2012 Merry Christmas! Missed M/C discovered 12.22.2014 at 8w1d measuring 6w3d 2015 was a year to test strength of both body and character, but it led us to this... BFP 01.26.2016 EDD 9.30.2016
@TheTamedShrew I'm about 99% behind you on that. I find it less uncomfortable on posts that specifically request prayers, because even if you don't know the actual deity they are referring to, you can be reasonably assured that they would be receptive. I do agree that the use of "memed" prayers and the like are a bit impersonal, but then some people are less confident in their own eloquence, so I can't judge too harshly. (All this coming from an atheist exasperated by the overabundance of religion found in the American South...)
@TheTamedShrew I'm about 99% behind you on that. I find it less uncomfortable on posts that specifically request prayers, because even if you don't know the actual deity they are referring to, you can be reasonably assured that they would be receptive. I do agree that the use of "memed" prayers and the lake are a bit impersonal, but then some people are less confident in their own eloquence, so I can't judge too harshly. (All this coming from an atheist exasperated by the overabundance of religion found in the American South...)
This was pretty much my response.. I always scroll back to the top to see if the person asked for "positive thoughts" or "prayers". I personally would never ask for, or offer prayers as they are not something that I practice. If you're asking for them.. it still takes me by surprise, but perhaps is appreciated by recipient? I have no idea..
Honestly, I'm pretty grateful when people have shared how their plans didn't necessarily work out. I created a birth plan, but because I've been able to hear from all of you lovely ladies, I've been able to tailor my birth plan to include a lot of "what ifs". I plan to have a vaginal, non-medicated, and low intervention delivery, but I also included a section on what interventions I'd like to try first if I need to be induced before rushing straight to Pitocin, or what pain relief medications I'd like to try first if I just can't even before committing to the epidural, or what I'd like to happen in the event that I do need a c-section. I do feel like some folks tend to be all "yeah that's cool BUT yada yada yada" without really offering much support, but I also think some folks (like myself) need and want that reality check. My biggest goal is to be the most informed and prepared patient I can be so that when things DO go against plan, I can make decisions and be actively involved in my and my child's care. We can all have a plan, but I think it's also really important to know what could happen when shit hits the fan, and prepare for it.
Okay, I'm going to say it. I think it's incredibly rude to post religious quote memes as support for someone who has not shared their religious affiliation. At least write your own words of support if you are going to mention your faith.
I am an atheist and I find it incredibly offensive & presumptuous when people do this. I know exactly what you're talking about, and if it had been me on the receiving end, once I got over the initial panic/stress of my situation I would have been pissed.
@PSUBecky23 I try not to advertise that I am planning a med-free birth because a lot of the response from our generation of women is "Ohhh...good luck with that!" Like I won't be able to do it. When I speak to my parents' generation about a med-free birth it seems to be like no big deal at all...I just don't share my birth plan unless I am explicitly asked because most people's opinions/horror stories are anything but helpful.
If they ask for prayers it's totally acceptable IMO. Some people have not asked for prayers and yet received Christian memes as support.
I even feel like asking for prayers doesn't necessarily invite Christian prayers. I almost feel like I need to add a disclaimer if I ever needed support: "I'm having a tough time, my family needs support, if you feel you must pray for me please do so in private & on your own time. Your empty prayers will simply aggravate me further and may cause me to burst through a wall ala Kool Aid Man in a fit of rage."
I've been conditioned to feel like that's ungrateful, and that I should be happy people are thinking of me at all, but I've had religion shoved in my face so many times I'm starting to feel less grateful & more annoyed that people just assume I want them to pray for me. Comments like "Sending prayers up!" and "Praying." and "Dear 9 lb baby Jesus, please watch over my friend and blah blah blah..." are literally the least one can do for someone when they need support. To me, even saying "I'm so sorry. I am here for you." is better than "omg praying."
*************************************** FORMER USERNAME:@runningisrad
@TheTamedShrew - I completely agree with you. I have actually taken a step back and not posted some really worrying things that I've been going through with baby because I would be so offended if someone posted some Christian memes that I think I would end up being banned.
I also agree that this board comes across as unsupportive of breastfeeding and med-free birthing at times. I don't think it's the intention but the number of stories I see about things not working out as opposed to suggestions on how to help ensure it will work out is really discouraging. Having said that, it's not just this board. I also have had this happen in my real life and it is the reason I'm really vague about my birth plan with most people.
Me: 30 | DH: 32 Together since 2008 | Married 2012 TTC #1 October 2014 BFP #1 October 2014 | CP #1 October 2014 BFP #2 November 2014 | CP #2 December 2014 BFP #3 June 2015 | MMC at 16 weeks September 2015 BFP #4 January 2016 | EDD September 12, 2016 | Baby Ducks born September 5, 2016
@runningisrad I feel the same way about my own requests for support, and when my friends ask me to pray for them I will respond with more neutral phrasing (thinking of you, you have my support, etc.) I disagree that a specific request for prayer shouldn't be answered by actual religious responses. I know not all people who pray are Christian, but I think that saying "I would like prayers, but only ones that refer to MY god or otherwise don't mention any one god by name" would be equally as off-putting as unsolicited religion.
If they ask for prayers it's totally acceptable IMO. Some people have not asked for prayers and yet received Christian memes as support.
I even feel like asking for prayers doesn't necessarily invite Christian prayers. I almost feel like I need to add a disclaimer if I ever needed support: "I'm having a tough time, my family needs support, if you feel you must pray for me please do so in private & on your own time. Your empty prayers will simply aggravate me further and may cause me to burst through a wall ala Kool Aid Man in a fit of rage."
I've been conditioned to feel like that's ungrateful, and that I should be happy people are thinking of me at all, but I've had religion shoved in my face so many times I'm starting to feel less grateful & more annoyed that people just assume I want them to pray for me. Comments like "Sending prayers up!" and "Praying." and "Dear 9 lb baby Jesus, please watch over my friend and blah blah blah..." are literally the least one can do for someone when they need support. To me, even saying "I'm so sorry. I am here for you." is better than "omg praying."
The thing that irritates me the most is that it's just something to say. Like, they are totally not actually praying for you, they're just saying, "xoxo prayers" because it's what you say. However, although I'm not religious, (really hard in Oklahoma and I don't tell many people that I actually know), I do appreciate if someone that is religious wants to pray, although please, for the love of God, don't do it in my presence because awkward. But I appreciate it because I know they believe it will work. But please don't post your actual prayer because as someone that doesn't pray or believe that God changes a situation for us, it will be irritating to me in a difficult time. And don't tell people that, "God has a plan" if they clearly aren't asking for religious input because, no.
I feel like I'm always rambling! I always just type my train of thought, sorry!
Honestly, I'm pretty grateful when people have shared how their plans didn't necessarily work out. I created a birth plan, but because I've been able to hear from all of you lovely ladies, I've been able to tailor my birth plan to include a lot of "what ifs". I plan to have a vaginal, non-medicated, and low intervention delivery, but I also included a section on what interventions I'd like to try first if I need to be induced before rushing straight to Pitocin, or what pain relief medications I'd like to try first if I just can't even before committing to the epidural, or what I'd like to happen in the event that I do need a c-section. I do feel like some folks tend to be all "yeah that's cool BUT yada yada yada" without really offering much support, but I also think some folks (like myself) need and want that reality check. My biggest goal is to be the most informed and prepared patient I can be so that when things DO go against plan, I can make decisions and be actively involved in my and my child's care. We can all have a plan, but I think it's also really important to know what could happen when shit hits the fan, and prepare for it.
The best advice that I think I could ever give someone when they mention the type of birth they want or anything part of their birth plan is to educate yourself on all possibilities and be flexible. I hope that I haven't offended anyone with that tad piece of advice but in my eyes, I see it prevents them from being overly disappointed when things don't go per their rigid plan. I love the fact that not only do you have your main birth plan but you have back up plans as well and you are educating yourself on the different avenues to safely bring the baby into the world.
In terms of when people request prayers... it drives me up the damn wall when they are like prayers please but they don't offer any background as to what in the hell is going on. Maybe it's just being Nosey Rosey but I become so annoyed and don't even want to offer my support because I have no idea what it is I'm supposed to be supporting this person through. I have never had that issue on this board but I constantly see it on Facebook.
In terms of when people request prayers... it drives me up the damn wall when they are like prayers please but they don't offer any background as to what in the hell is going on. Maybe it's just being Nosey Rosey but I become so annoyed and don't even want to offer my support because I have no idea what it is I'm supposed to be supporting this person through. I have never had that issue on this board but I constantly see it on Facebook.
Oh god, yes. Where I'm originally from, it's so, so common to post on FB, "unspoken prayer request." No. If I prayed, I would refuse to pray for this. What are you even supposed to say in that prayer?? And what's the point of it? That if enough people pray about it, it will happen, but if not, it won't? I just don't understand. It's just attention seeking.
Following the prayers line, it annoys me when something bad is avoided and people thank god for it happening. For example, five years ago my dad had cancer. He had surgery and my mom was like "praise God he helped your dad through this difficult time" I was like "no, praise the doctors, surgeons and hospital staff who found the tumor and then removed it".
Following the prayers line, it annoys me when something bad is avoided and people thank god for it happening. For example, five years ago my dad had cancer. He had surgery and my mom was like "praise God he helped your dad through this difficult time" I was like "no, praise the doctors, surgeons and hospital staff who found the tumor and then removed it".
YAAAAS.
*************************************** FORMER USERNAME:@runningisrad
Following the prayers line, it annoys me when something bad is avoided and people thank god for it happening. For example, five years ago my dad had cancer. He had surgery and my mom was like "praise God he helped your dad through this difficult time" I was like "no, praise the doctors, surgeons and hospital staff who found the tumor and then removed it".
Omg yes. My husband's family is INCREDIBLY HARDCORE Catholic. His dad had pneumonia a couple years ago and it was really touch and go whether he would make it. He has been in and out of the hospital constantly since. His mom and sister are always saying, 'Praise God for keeping dad with us. He has worked a miracle!' The thing is, my MIL and SIL both work in the medical field and know full well that his dad wouldn't be here if it weren't for the amazing doctors. Let's give credit to them first.
I have been terribly MIA for this BMB anyway, but I was hoping a facebook group would start before the babies come. That was the most exciting time of my last facebook group. Now I'm just hoping you will accept me. It's crazy that I commented multiple times a day in my last facebook group and now I am lucky if I comment here multiple times each month. Oh well, I guess that's the difference between being a pregnant med student and a pregnant resident!
DD1 6.2011 DD2 4.2013 - vbac DS1 9.2016 - vbac, team green Baby #4 due 9.2018
@crispy11 I'm not the fb group police but I'm only worried about brand new non-posters wanting in. I easily recognize your name and picture, wouldn't think twice about being in a fb group with you!!
Honestly, a FB group scared the crap out of me at first, but over the last couple of months I've gotten to know you all better and part of that is me being more vocal and putting myself out there giving and getting support in return. Now I feel like I know you all better, so I'm more comfortable with it. Definitely would feel weird having lurkers on there that almost NEVER participate except for the fly by night comment or post full of drama. Totally recognize your name @crispy11!!
Re: UO Thursday
Also, I'm from Oklahoma and I don't like tea. People gasp when I say that here haha!
And don't get me wrong, the majority of this board is super positive and encouraging. It just always seems to come back to that response and especially when it comes to the topic of unmedicated births. Condescension was the wrong word to use to describe it.
But I'm also the crazy, crunchy mom who would give birth under a waterfall surrounded by fairies and unicorns if I could.
This time I realize that people are just trying to help you emotionally and mentally prepare for other possible outcomes, especially if you are a FTM. If I ask for input, then it's not anyone's job to tell me what I want to hear. I understand now that you just can't rely on others to build up your own plans/capabilities.
It is important to understand that there is always a chance things won't follow your plan, and a HIGH likelihood that things won't go EXACTLY the way you plan. A lot of women on this board may have planned for a vaginal or unmedicated birth and ended up with a c/s, due to things outside of their control, and that could have been hard for them to deal with. They just want to help other women deal with that kind of disappointment. I know that I would grieve a little if I end up with a c/s this time. DD2 has been breech for most of this pregnancy, so there is a chance that I may have to have one, and it's just not in my control. I would be happy to have the support from other moms who went through a similar experience.
If you solely want cheering and high fives over your birth plan, then you should probably post on the natural birth board, or talk with someone who has had an unmedicated birth. Otherwise you are going to get a variety of responses because there are a variety of women with different experiences/opinions here.
I say this as a soon to be unmedicated VBAC mum after being the poster child for shit going sideways my last time around.
Charlotte born at 28w3d due to severe IUGR on 12.24.2012 Merry Christmas!
Missed M/C discovered 12.22.2014 at 8w1d measuring 6w3d
2015 was a year to test strength of both body and character, but it led us to this... BFP 01.26.2016 EDD 9.30.2016
I am an atheist and I find it incredibly offensive & presumptuous when people do this. I know exactly what you're talking about, and if it had been me on the receiving end, once I got over the initial panic/stress of my situation I would have been pissed.
FORMER USERNAME: @runningisrad
I've been conditioned to feel like that's ungrateful, and that I should be happy people are thinking of me at all, but I've had religion shoved in my face so many times I'm starting to feel less grateful & more annoyed that people just assume I want them to pray for me. Comments like "Sending prayers up!" and "Praying." and "Dear 9 lb baby Jesus, please watch over my friend and blah blah blah..." are literally the least one can do for someone when they need support. To me, even saying "I'm so sorry. I am here for you." is better than "omg praying."
FORMER USERNAME: @runningisrad
@TheTamedShrew - I completely agree with you. I have actually taken a step back and not posted some really worrying things that I've been going through with baby because I would be so offended if someone posted some Christian memes that I think I would end up being banned.
I also agree that this board comes across as unsupportive of breastfeeding and med-free birthing at times. I don't think it's the intention but the number of stories I see about things not working out as opposed to suggestions on how to help ensure it will work out is really discouraging. Having said that, it's not just this board. I also have had this happen in my real life and it is the reason I'm really vague about my birth plan with most people.
Me: 30 | DH: 32
Together since 2008 | Married 2012
TTC #1 October 2014
BFP #1 October 2014 | CP #1 October 2014
BFP #2 November 2014 | CP #2 December 2014
BFP #3 June 2015 | MMC at 16 weeks September 2015
BFP #4 January 2016 | EDD September 12, 2016 | Baby Ducks born September 5, 2016
I feel like I'm always rambling! I always just type my train of thought, sorry!
FORMER USERNAME: @runningisrad
BFP: 12/29/15 EDD: 9/15/16!! Please be our miracle baby!
DD2 4.2013 - vbac
DS1 9.2016 - vbac, team green
Baby #4 due 9.2018