My UO it's exhausting how much negativity there is towards people who rarely post but then try to participate.
I am definitely one who posted rarely through pregnancy. In my case, I joined early -- right after finding out that infertility treatments had worked and I was, in fact, preg with baby 2. Then the wheels feel off the cart. It was one thing after another (vanishing twin, failed quad screen, cleared amino, CONSTANT IUGR follow up, HD, hospital stays, steriods for lungs, failed kick counts...super stressful). While I know many moms to be find strength in posting of their issues and discussing them, I was filled with this overwhelming fear that, if I talked about it, something horrible would happen -- totally insane, but still hard to overcome.
As issues cleared up and, ultimately, baby was born small but healthy, I felt comfortable enough to participate. But then I didn't feel comfortable because I felt largely unwelcomed. I try to follow the rules of this BM group, but even then I'm often met with negativity.
All in all, it's just disappointing. There is so much pressure on people in general -- and moms in particular -- already. Now we need the pressure of "did I post enough to be accepted"? Not looking to start or engage in a disagreement. Everyone is entitled to his/her opinion. Just sharing my feelings on the topic.
It's not about how often you post or "pressure" or being accepted. I just don't give a crap about a stranger who never once gave a crap about me or anyone on this board, and now we're supposed to care about her birth story.
There's someone who recently posted a birth announcement who hadn't posted since she was 8 weeks pregnant. She wanted someone to AW to, and that group was us, because it's a place where she could do it. She's not here to get to know anyone, offer support or participate, and my guess is she won't be back again until her next kid is born and she subjects another BMB to it.
If you just try and enjoy what the ladies here have to offer and participate, I think you'll feel plenty welcome. I look back at old ticker change threads and things from the very beginning, and there are SO many of the current names not there. People who decided to participate in more recent months but I've definitely gotten to know. Clearly they jumped onboard later but have been welcomed. It's because they participate. And they don't just make speshul snowflake AW threads to show off.
Yeah, this is the BMB for The Bump. If you want a private group with your special clique of people who post a lot of this site, and spend a lot of their day on it, make a private group. This group isn't private, and people need to at least back off the territorial behavior even if they don't want to be welcoming to new folks/people who aren't as active.
ETA to add that I won't be posting private information about my new baby on this, or any other, site, but I find the exclusionary cliquishness here pretty turnoffish sometimes, especially considering that it is a public group for users of The Bump.
Umm what?
Exactly what I said.
Qfp
a few things new comers have been welcomed... Private groups have been formed you posted only once in June and then today you come to criticize the board? How can you criticize something you aren't actively participating in?
There are a lot of ways to participate in the group. I like more things than I comment on, because as others have said, by the time I check this every few days someone has usually said what I would have commented. I don't expect support. That is fine. I do get sick of reading all the posts on this site about actively not supporting people who participate less than daily or wanting people who post new threads to only adhere to some made up set of rules about how everything has to be in Randoms, which I for one find difficult to navigate and too voluminous to read in its entirety. My UO is that I think this BMB should be less cliquish. Disagree away, but if you are going to comment "Umm what?" make it explicit what you find unclear about my post. Happy to answer.
@IB113, I don't think it's cliquish of me to not "like" a post by someone sharing their birth announcement with a bunch of strangers, because she hasn't participated in a damn thing in 8 months.
I just have to jump in and say that I didn't start participating until January. I lurked for a couple months until I felt comfortable with the board and its organization, and I feel like I was welcomed with open arms! You can't just come into an established community (not clique) and expect them to change after 9 months just for you. This group of ladies is fantastic, and anyone who says otherwise is sorely mistaken.
Also, @MamaBish your gif game is on point today! Needed a good laugh.
@MamaBish you're the best And @schaze you have been a truly welcome addition!
Also, who said that the only thing we can use to talk is the Randoms thread? Our front page has a whole bunch of other awesome threads that lots of people use. There are some great new ones too now that we have moms with outside babies.
But a random topic? Yeah, it fits best in Randoms. Which is pretty easy to just browse and then reply to whatever you feel like. If you're looking for something specific but don't feel like browsing Randoms, you can use the search bar. I was looking for the witch hazel spray everyone recommended yesterday and the search bar worked perfectly.
I don't get why a few people feel unwelcomed or "exhausted" by this strategy, but for most of us it works. If that seems cliquey, oh well, we're the ones creating/replying to the threads in question, so... guess you'll either like it or not.
My UO: I was VERY active on here until trolls started posting ban bait on the reg and a bunch of the awesome regulars got banned. I'm less active now only because I still have contact with those awesome regulars on other social media platforms. I only come back because SOME of those people still post here. I find the constant talk of 'mean girls' and 'cliques' boring and juvenile.
I'm a little behind, but DH and I don't allow nude photos of our babies. Part of it is we are afraid they could end up in the wrong hands. Even if we avoid social media, someone else in our friends or family might not share the same concern. We had professional photos done recently and one had DD lifting up her dress to her shoulders. It was actually adorable, but we both had agreed on those types of pictures before and with a little sadness, deleted it and got the photographer to agree not to use it anywhere.
I just see where people are coming from and why they feel that way. I want them to feel supported, so I like their comments. I don't need to repeat what other people have already said.
I just see where people are coming from and why they feel that way. I want them to feel supported, so I like their comments. I don't need to repeat what other people have already said.
And where is it they are coming from? Funny who some people who were negative about this didn't feel need to go into other threads today to support a mom who was have a decreased fetal movement scare but can post who mean and cliquish the board is... Yet those they criticize are the ones who gave her support.
Shaking my head how people claim they have no time to post but make time to love things or criticize but right when they are on they can't go and support others...
I'm with you @IB113! The best way to combat all these negative posts is to be too busy to read content or provide support, but not too busy to complain or call out the mean girls for establishing cliques! I HATE when people establish communities to support each other and then get territorial over the relationships they've spent months building when I show up to criticize them! Down with the rules that keep this place helpful!
@rlopezlavalle I like to love tit the randos and whiners too. It helps everyone in the long run and makes me lots of friends! Just glad to do my part to support the community and participate
I don't think there is any problem with people who have formed closer relationships. I just think people use groups like this for various reasons or in various ways for different reasons and I think it's okay. I think it's all good.
I just see where people are coming from and why they feel that way. I want them to feel supported, so I like their comments. I don't need to repeat what other people have already said.
Wait... you want THESE people to feel supported? How about the moms who are in stressful situations? Don't you think they need the support more than people who are whining about not feeling liked? Ummm okkkayyyy.
It continues to baffle me why people lurk or post on a place that they don't like! It's not like this is the only place on the Internet for July 2016 moms. There is a strong group of regulars and many others who participate when they can who like how this community is structured. If it doesn't work for you why stay?! What's the point in stomping your feet and being pissy that it's not run the way you want. And for fucks sake, if this board makes you feel negative, criticized or unwelcome you need to grow a thicker skin.
I comment or like for various people as well. Many times, as others have said, by the time I log in, people have already responded or answered questions. They are clearly getting lots of support, which is great. I just don't think one person deserves it more than someone else. This is how I choose to use the app and interact with others. It's great if other people do more, say more, etc. I don't understand why my "unpopular opinion" gets attacked when I'm not doing anything wrong and I don't think you're doing anything wrong. This seems crazy to me.
Proving my point that randos who AW their birth story are not trying to be welcomed here, but will just AW and then leave until their next baby is born -- see the "Welcome to the world baby Brielle" just posted.
Hasn't posted since 2014, and she seemed to barely post then, either, but definitely pissed off that BMB. Check her post history. Now she's here to spread her sunshine but will disappear again. She has never taken part in our board but has decided we all need to know about her baby.
This is what I'm talking about.
To the people who have complained here today, no one was even talking about you guys originally, but you got all defensive as soon as the topic of people who don't post was mentioned, and started whining. It really doesn't look good on any of you.
Continue to post however much you want. But if you barely say anything, and then post some kind of AW, I will continue to not care.
I think it's so funny that almost every time we have a UO post or FFFC, someone comes on and says the same thing about how cliquish and unfriendly this board is. I know this is the Internet, but like someone else said earlier, you wouldn't AW like that in a real life group of women. We don't know you at all, so it's not that we're being cliquish, we're "protecting" the group, so to speak. New people have joined VERY recently and been warmly welcomed.. Follow their lead instead of whining about how mean everyone is.
I think I'm just going to come on here every Thursday and Friday and that's it just to tell people how unsupportive I think they are. I'm being all supportive and Sh*t with that right?
Jumping in with the seemingly more popular unpopular opinion regarding social media posts.
I am all for being proud of one's child/grandchild/etc but there's also the very real possibility of those pictures getting into the wrong hands. I post constant photos of my dog, but I think that's totally different. He looks like most old, grouchy dachshunds and family can share him if they so desire (he's a handsome little dude). However, I'm very hesitate about posting baby pictures without myself or husband in them, as others have mentioned. I also don't like other family members posting them for their own "likes". Brag, yes. But do what grandparents used to do. Keep a million photos in your wallet and bring them out to show people. Don't post my child all over your unsecured social media page for perverts to get ahold of.
Jumping in with the seemingly more popular unpopular opinion regarding social media posts.
I am all for being proud of one's child/grandchild/etc but there's also the very real possibility of those pictures getting into the wrong hands. I post constant photos of my dog, but I think that's totally different. He looks like most old, grouchy dachshunds and family can share him if they so desire (he's a handsome little dude). However, I'm very hesitate about posting baby pictures without myself or husband in them, as others have mentioned. I also don't like other family members posting them for their own "likes". Brag, yes. But do what grandparents used to do. Keep a million photos in your wallet and bring them out to show people. Don't post my child all over your unsecured social media page for perverts to get ahold of.
Beginning of my post: My SO and I have agreed to not post any pics of this LO for that reason. No one is allowed to post pics they take of him/her on any social media either. I agree with a lot of people who say stranger danger. I also have family stuff that I want to avoid by anything being on social media. That is why I also wonder why people who never post in here come on to aw their newborn. No one knows you AT ALL..why are you randomly posting your baby's pic?
To kind of piggy back off of other people...I've said it before and I'll say it again. I've had no problems with anyone in this group and have tried to participate when I can. Now that I'm out of work I get to come on here more and try to give support when I can. I don't always see all the threads for women who really need an extra boost of support. So usually I'll make a generic comment to all the women.
I also feel that the fb group was created for those who were ok with giving their identity out to people they felt comfortable doing so with. It's not a popularity contest. I'm not part of the fb and am totally fine with that. I haven't tried to join it and it's because I feel that even though I've been around since the beginning posting here and there I haven't contributed a ton or had any deep conversations with anyone in order to feel I should be in that group.
I usually don't post this long and I leave it up to the more vocal people to speak their minds, but at this point I'm ok with sharing my UO. Edited because TB totally ate my comment and messed up format
After reading through all of these... here is my apparently 'unpopular opinion' (according to some at least). The ladies on here have been incredibly supportive for the past 9 months. For a group of strangers to come together during a time where our bodies are changing, emotions are going bonkers, and stress levels are sky rocketing it is nice to be able to have a place to come to and read others stories and add my 2 cents here and there. If I see something has been answered, I might not add an answer, but you better believe I'm gonna love tit the hell out of that stuff! As a FTM, I don't really have answers to a lot of the questions posted, but I thoroughly appreciate that other moms on here do and are willing to share their wisdom with the rest of us.
On a side note... congrats to all of the ladies who have had their babies recently! It seems the posts keep coming in spurts so its hard to keep up sometimes! :P
Re: Unpopular Opinion Thursday
There's someone who recently posted a birth announcement who hadn't posted since she was 8 weeks pregnant. She wanted someone to AW to, and that group was us, because it's a place where she could do it. She's not here to get to know anyone, offer support or participate, and my guess is she won't be back again until her next kid is born and she subjects another BMB to it.
If you just try and enjoy what the ladies here have to offer and participate, I think you'll feel plenty welcome. I look back at old ticker change threads and things from the very beginning, and there are SO many of the current names not there. People who decided to participate in more recent months but I've definitely gotten to know. Clearly they jumped onboard later but have been welcomed. It's because they participate. And they don't just make speshul snowflake AW threads to show off.
Also, @MamaBish your gif game is on point today! Needed a good laugh.
Also, who said that the only thing we can use to talk is the Randoms thread? Our front page has a whole bunch of other awesome threads that lots of people use. There are some great new ones too now that we have moms with outside babies.
But a random topic? Yeah, it fits best in Randoms. Which is pretty easy to just browse and then reply to whatever you feel like. If you're looking for something specific but don't feel like browsing Randoms, you can use the search bar. I was looking for the witch hazel spray everyone recommended yesterday and the search bar worked perfectly.
I don't get why a few people feel unwelcomed or "exhausted" by this strategy, but for most of us it works. If that seems cliquey, oh well, we're the ones creating/replying to the threads in question, so... guess you'll either like it or not.
My UO: I was VERY active on here until trolls started posting ban bait on the reg and a bunch of the awesome regulars got banned. I'm less active now only because I still have contact with those awesome regulars on other social media platforms. I only come back because SOME of those people still post here. I find the constant talk of 'mean girls' and 'cliques' boring and juvenile.
Shaking my head how people claim they have no time to post but make time to love things or criticize but right when they are on they can't go and support others...
@rlopezlavalle I like to love tit the randos and whiners too. It helps everyone in the long run and makes me lots of friends! Just glad to do my part to support the community and participate
July16 JULY siggy challenge
Married: October 2014
TTC #1 since September 2015
Hasn't posted since 2014, and she seemed to barely post then, either, but definitely pissed off that BMB. Check her post history. Now she's here to spread her sunshine but will disappear again. She has never taken part in our board but has decided we all need to know about her baby.
This is what I'm talking about.
To the people who have complained here today, no one was even talking about you guys originally, but you got all defensive as soon as the topic of people who don't post was mentioned, and started whining. It really doesn't look good on any of you.
Continue to post however much you want. But if you barely say anything, and then post some kind of AW, I will continue to not care.
New people have joined VERY recently and been warmly welcomed.. Follow their lead instead of whining about how mean everyone is.
Married May 16th 2015
July BMB June Siggy
I am all for being proud of one's child/grandchild/etc but there's also the very real possibility of those pictures getting into the wrong hands. I post constant photos of my dog, but I think that's totally different. He looks like most old, grouchy dachshunds and family can share him if they so desire (he's a handsome little dude). However, I'm very hesitate about posting baby pictures without myself or husband in them, as others have mentioned. I also don't like other family members posting them for their own "likes". Brag, yes. But do what grandparents used to do. Keep a million photos in your wallet and bring them out to show people. Don't post my child all over your unsecured social media page for perverts to get ahold of.
How time flies.
On a side note... congrats to all of the ladies who have had their babies recently! It seems the posts keep coming in spurts so its hard to keep up sometimes! :P
Married May 16th 2015
July BMB June Siggy