Unpopular Opinion Thursday

mandyjulie

Let it all out.

mandyjulie

First one: If you haven't posted anything on this BMB in 6-8 or so months, just don't bother posting a birth announcement. That's like a stranger walking up to a group of friends and saying "Guess what, I had a baby, here's my story!"

I won't give you any love tits. 

I get excited for the birth announcements from people who've actually participated, let's not ruin it with strangers AWing.

PootsDragon

This seems to be an UO just because I've read so much aggravation toward spouses lately. I feel like DH is entitled to his own feeling and opinions about us being THIS pregnant (41w tomorrow). I feel like we made all these decisions together and while I have to do it, his opinions about going to 42 weeks pregnant still count. We agreed to this plan together so when he says "just hang in there" and "we'll go to 42 weeks if we have to" I feel like he's earned his right to say that and is as invested as I am. While it's hard sometimes to hear someone so confident when they aren't doing the physical work, I feel like he's in the mental and emotional game too and it's more helpful than irritating.

TL;DR- DH gets to say "we're pregnant" and "42 weeks here we come" all he wants. He's in it too.

mandyjulie

@PootsDragon That totally makes sense. And I'm glad you have that kind of support to get to the type of birth you've hoping for.

I think for some of us, we haven't had such a firm plan or ideals about the birth since the beginning. So when a spouse emerges at the end of a hard pregnancy and says "We should go as long as possible!" and in some of those cases, the wives know it's just the spouse being a pussy about the things left on his to-do list or wanting another week or two before a baby's in the mix... that's when he gets a big side eye or kick in the nuts.

afaddis89

@PootsDragon That is really awesome to hear, both the fact that he has been so supportive and the fact that you are so open and accepting of him saying those things. It can be hard, so close to the end to not get frustrated, but you posting what you have just shows such a huge amount of support on both ends of things. Us ladies might have to do a lot of the physical stuff, but our hubbies end up dealing with a lot of the emotional roller coaster we all go through and still stick with us through our slightly crazy moments!

LDSJM123

My UO, I enjoy being pregnant. I still have 1.5 weeks left until my EDD and unlike lots of ladies lately, I am not ready for it to be over. I am beyond excited to meet this little person, but I love my new curvy body, feeling the kicks, my waddle is actually growing on me, and Im just going to miss being pregnant. 

allthingscozy

UO I'm at the point I'll do whatever it takes to get this kid out. 

kellz14

PootsDragon said:

This seems to be an UO just because I've read so much aggravation toward spouses lately. I feel like DH is entitled to his own feeling and opinions about us being THIS pregnant (41w tomorrow). I feel like we made all these decisions together and while I have to do it, his opinions about going to 42 weeks pregnant still count. We agreed to this plan together so when he says "just hang in there" and "we'll go to 42 weeks if we have to" I feel like he's earned his right to say that and is as invested as I am. While it's hard sometimes to hear someone so confident when they aren't doing the physical work, I feel like he's in the mental and emotional game too and it's more helpful than irritating.

TL;DR- DH gets to say "we're pregnant" and "42 weeks here we come" all he wants. He's in it too.

I agree - the key here is equal investment and support throughout!  I've still got 3 weeks to go before my EDD so not at that point yet. But the past few weeks I've got all sorts of new aches and pains (like everyone else) so my motivation to hit the gym has been nonexistent and I skipped two weeks. DH gave me a super hard time about it to which I wanted to bust out in tears and just tell him to leave my pregnant ass alone, I'm entitled to some down time for a few weeks, it's not the end of the world!!  But I know he's really only concerned about me being my healthiest and making sure I have enough physical stamina for the marathon that is birth...  

Now, if he was sitting back on the couch guzzling a beer and telling me to hit the gym while growing his beer gut that would be one thing - But he's not.  He works out alongside of me and I know that when I am working out with him, it boosts his motivation too when he doesn't feel like doing it either with his hectic work schedule.  So this week I've been back to the gym, working out alongside of him, and it's been good for both of us. (not doing everything I could before - but it's still something)

All that to say - I hear you - even though at first I want to kick him and run away, when he's equally invested and working alongside of me, he gets to encourage me to do things that are a very sensitive subject and I really don't feel like doing!!

Kellyj103

@mandyjulie that's been my UO all week!!! Every time I see a birth announcement made by someone who never posts, no likes. I love babies and all but I can't stand strangers AWing.

Closely related UO: my husband and I want to limit how much we expose our baby to social media. Long story short, we have a fb friend who posts baby pictures all the time and she recently found out someone else was using her baby's pictures as her own. Creepy AF. So I'm going to share some pics of baby with my general fb friends but my day to day pics will be shared with family, close friends, and my bump buddies. I'm also going to clean up my friend list cause stranger danger is real!!!!

samantha1206

@pootsdragon I agree!  Even though they aren't doing all the "work" that we are, they still have their time/energy/emotions invested and I appreciate my husband's input and feed back.  Generally it helps.  And on top of that, if it weren't for him, my house would be a mess right now, as he has, without any asking or nagging, taken it up on himself to do housework among other things.  I was at the doctor this morning and a couple were discussing names and the woman looked at her husband and said "Well, when you give birth to this baby, you can  name him."  and i cringed.  That's not how this works. 

megstervt

@kellyj103 we've been debating back and forth about social media with LO for awhile.  I've already cleaned up my friends list, but I'm not 100% confident in my understanding of privacy settings and I'm worried that pictures will end up being shared by friends and family that I can't control.  DH feels weird about telling family and friends they can't share pictures they've taken too.  I'm still not any clearer about what we'll do now than I was 20 weeks ago.

simplymizzj

Kellyj103 said:

Closely related UO: my husband and I want to limit how much we expose our baby to social media. Long story short, we have a fb friend who posts baby pictures all the time and she recently found out someone else was using her baby's pictures as her own. Creepy AF. 

This is the exact reason why I won't post any pictures of my daughter(s) alone on social media anymore without anyone else being in the picture because I've heard of creepers out there that steal others pictures to use as their own. Definitely creepy AF.

MamaBish

@Kellyj103 I just locked down my Instagram because of that. No one has done anything super sketchy yet but I noticed my 16 yo cousin posted 2 of my photos of Savannah on her profile. This sounds ok but I have not seen her in about 10 years (she lives far away) and she has never met the baby. It kind of looks like an attempt at getting likes/attention so I'm just going to monitor her page and of it gets out of hand, I will be calling her mother. It just brought to my attention how easy it is for people to save your photos and do whatever with them!

Kellyj103

@simplymizzj yes! That's totally my plan. Whatever pictures I post on here or to my general fb wall I want to be in them.

@MamaBish that's crazy about your cousin. We've contemplated telling people not to share pics without our permission. My husband has some AW cousins like that who will post just to get likes for themselves. So weird!

rnyland1

Reading all of the new mom's breastfeeding horror stories are not sitting well with me. So my UO is, the more I hear about it, the more I just want to skip breastfeeding entirely. Once you've had mastitis/breast infections in the past you are more likely to get them again....and it was seriously god awful. I also had thrush last time I want to do what's best for my kid but I also don't want to have to suffer either.

LDSJM123

rnyland1 said:

Reading all of the new mom's breastfeeding horror stories are not sitting well with me. So my UO is, the more I hear about it, the more I just want to skip breastfeeding entirely. Once you've had mastitis/breast infections in the past you are more likely to get them again....and it was seriously god awful. I also had thrush last time I want to do what's best for my kid but I also don't want to have to suffer either.

On the flip side of this, I wish as a new mom last time, I had known how damn difficult it is and all the stuff that can happen. So hopefully, as awful and scary (if you will) some of the stories, some FTM's will be thankful for the information. I know I would have been. Knowledge is power right?

Jodi1980

DON'T put your hands in your pockets when asked to put your hands where a cop can see them! JUST DON'T DO IT! YES, you are innocent until proven guilty, No, I wasn't there but use your common sense, and it's my UO! :'(
This story makes me so sad!  
edited: had to re-word

Serpica

Like @MamaBish other people have posted pics of our daughter they obtained privately on social media when we didn't (in fact I didn't want pics of her on social media). Upsetting to have to give people explicit do not post instructions but now I know not to assume anything. 

@rnyland1 I am now familiar with mastitis and completely understand your opinion! I am terrified its gonna come right back as soon as I stop antibiotics.

Schmooie730

My UO, I have zero plans on getting Aubrey back on my breast to feed. She takes a bottle so well and we had such a hard time before and the lactation consultant made me feel like crap. I'll continue to pump so she gets breast milk for as long as I can keep it up, but I'm not going to lose my sanity over her not latching well. I don't care how she gets fed, as long as she's getting food.

hannahmp

@rnyland1 I didn't breastfeed beyond 48 hours last time either. I am supportive of everyone that tries so hard for their babies! It's amazing to me. I just am not the kind to suffer guilt from feeding my baby formula. My husband is also very supportive either way. He knows that it can be stressful and if I don't want to go through that, no hard feelings.

On another note... I have been in here everyday since I got my bfp in November. I was also on it last time with my son. However, I don't post that often. Usually, by the time I got any solid bump time, most things I would add to the convo would have already been said. I usually do my ticker change and a couple others. I will be posting my birth announcement, and I hope I'm not so much of a stranger that I'm an AW!

ESchreinerWrites

My UO it's exhausting how much negativity there is towards people who rarely post but then try to participate.

I am definitely one who posted rarely through pregnancy. In my case, I joined early -- right after finding out that infertility treatments had worked and I was, in fact, preg with baby 2. Then the wheels feel off the cart. It was one thing after another (vanishing twin, failed quad screen, cleared amino, CONSTANT IUGR follow up, HD, hospital stays, steriods for lungs, failed kick counts...super stressful). While I know many moms to be find strength in posting of their issues and discussing them, I was filled with this overwhelming fear that, if I talked about it, something horrible would happen -- totally insane, but still hard to overcome.

As issues cleared up and, ultimately, baby was born small but healthy, I felt comfortable enough to participate. But then I didn't feel comfortable because I felt largely unwelcomed. I try to follow the rules of this BM group, but even then I'm often met with negativity. 

All in all, it's just disappointing. There is so much pressure on people in general -- and moms in particular -- already. Now we need the pressure of "did I post enough to be accepted"? Not looking to start or engage in a disagreement. Everyone is entitled to his/her opinion. Just sharing my feelings on the topic. 

kellz14

It's going to be very unpopular with friends/family - but I will be telling anyone who comes near my baby with a camera not to post anything on social media.  My sister did that with her daughter.  A few people got upset but they got over it!

jwittwer

I completely agree with others about the social media posts- I really try to limit what's out there and have deleted things off of instagram because of stories I've read where people catfish with other people's children. 

I know that I, personally, obsessed about breastfeeding the first time around and dealt with the feelings of guilt for having to start supplementing at 10 months. Looking back on it now, I'm glad I made it as long as I did. Since then, @Schmooie730 - my motto is, "fed is best," when it comes to feeding the baby. I could give a rat's ass how someone decides to do it as long as it's done. In the end, all that matters is a happy, healthy baby.

IB113

Yeah, this is the BMB for The Bump. If you want a private group with your special clique of people who post a lot of this site, and spend a lot of their day on it, make a private group. This group isn't private, and people need to at least back off the territorial behavior even if they don't want to be welcoming to new folks/people who aren't as active.  

ETA to add that I won't be posting private information about my new baby on this, or any other, site, but I find the exclusionary cliquishness here pretty turnoffish sometimes, especially considering that it is a public group for users of The Bump. 

rnyland1

@LDSJM123I got a lot of really good BFing info from kellymom.com and my old BMB last time....while being informed allowed me to quickly recognize that I had developed a severe breast infection, it didn't take away from how terrifying it was. The worst thing about mastitis is that you can't stop breastfeeding if you have it. You have to push through the immense pain until the infection clears or you could wind up with something worse, like an abscess. I remember crying through every feeding. @Serpica after my round of antibiotics I did not develop mastitis a second time. I would've definitely thrown in the towel after a second infection though.

jwittwer

For all breastfeeding mommas- check out the leaky boob on facebook as well. It has a lot of great information and is a really supportive community!

ETA-- I'm going to add this to the postpartum thread just in case anyone there may find it useful. I have a feeling this may get lost in here, or possibly deleted depending on how things go...

allthingscozy

IB113 said:

Yeah, this is the BMB for The Bump. If you want a private group with your special clique of people who post a lot of this site, and spend a lot of their day on it, make a private group. This group isn't private, and people need to at least back off the territorial behavior even if they don't want to be welcoming to new folks/people who aren't as active.  

ETA to add that I won't be posting private information about my new baby on this, or any other, site, but I find the exclusionary cliquishness here pretty turnoffish sometimes, especially considering that it is a public group for users of The Bump. 

Umm what?  

IB113

Backbypopulardemand said:

IB113 said:

Yeah, this is the BMB for The Bump. If you want a private group with your special clique of people who post a lot of this site, and spend a lot of their day on it, make a private group. This group isn't private, and people need to at least back off the territorial behavior even if they don't want to be welcoming to new folks/people who aren't as active.  

ETA to add that I won't be posting private information about my new baby on this, or any other, site, but I find the exclusionary cliquishness here pretty turnoffish sometimes, especially considering that it is a public group for users of The Bump. 

Umm what?  

Exactly what I said.

allthingscozy

IB113 said:

Backbypopulardemand said:

IB113 said:

Yeah, this is the BMB for The Bump. If you want a private group with your special clique of people who post a lot of this site, and spend a lot of their day on it, make a private group. This group isn't private, and people need to at least back off the territorial behavior even if they don't want to be welcoming to new folks/people who aren't as active.  

ETA to add that I won't be posting private information about my new baby on this, or any other, site, but I find the exclusionary cliquishness here pretty turnoffish sometimes, especially considering that it is a public group for users of The Bump. 

Umm what?  

Exactly what I said.

Qfp

a few things new comers have been welcomed... Private groups have been formed you posted only once in June and then today you come to criticize the board?  How can you criticize something you aren't actively participating in?

jwittwer

IB113 said:

Backbypopulardemand said:

IB113 said:

Yeah, this is the BMB for The Bump. If you want a private group with your special clique of people who post a lot of this site, and spend a lot of their day on it, make a private group. This group isn't private, and people need to at least back off the territorial behavior even if they don't want to be welcoming to new folks/people who aren't as active.  

ETA to add that I won't be posting private information about my new baby on this, or any other, site, but I find the exclusionary cliquishness here pretty turnoffish sometimes, especially considering that it is a public group for users of The Bump. 

Umm what?  

Exactly what I said.

I agree with @Backbypopulardemand. In order to receive support, you should also give support. 

IB113

Backbypopulardemand said:

IB113 said:

Backbypopulardemand said:

IB113 said:

Yeah, this is the BMB for The Bump. If you want a private group with your special clique of people who post a lot of this site, and spend a lot of their day on it, make a private group. This group isn't private, and people need to at least back off the territorial behavior even if they don't want to be welcoming to new folks/people who aren't as active.  

ETA to add that I won't be posting private information about my new baby on this, or any other, site, but I find the exclusionary cliquishness here pretty turnoffish sometimes, especially considering that it is a public group for users of The Bump. 

Umm what?  

Exactly what I said.

Qfp

a few things new comers have been welcomed... Private groups have been formed you posted only once in June and then today you come to criticize the board?  How can you criticize something you aren't actively participating in?

There are a lot of ways to participate in the group. I like more things than I comment on, because as others have said, by the time I check this every few days someone has usually said what I would have commented. I don't expect support. That is fine. I do get sick of reading all the posts on this site about actively not supporting people who participate less than daily or wanting people who post new threads to only adhere to some made up set of rules about how everything has to be in Randoms, which I for one find difficult to navigate and too voluminous to read in its entirety.  My UO is that I think this BMB should be less cliquish. Disagree away, but if you are going to comment "Umm what?" make it explicit what you find unclear about my post. Happy to answer.

Kellyj103

I think it's so interesting whenever there is a UO about randos, people are so quick to be defensive. There is a huge difference between someone who doesn't post a lot but shows support to others and occasionally post. I find it peculiar that these people "don't have time" to post yet they have plenty of time to brag about their baby shower, nursery, birth announcement. My UO is directed at THOSE people. It takes literally two seconds to send someone well wishes or "I have no experience with this but I hope it works out". The whole "I don't have time to bump but I'll AW on here" is baloney. 

And yes, this a public forum, like a Starbucks. But would you walk into a Starbucks and say, "here look at my baby?! " No of course not! and sure its a public forum so people can AW all they want but doesn't mean I have to like it or show support, hence the UO. There are plenty of new people who have shown up late (me included) and people who don't post every single day but they show support for others and don't use this forum just to show off.

DominiqueU

If people want to participate, they should participate. Why would anyone expect to be welcomed if their only input has been to complain about the board? 

Add in a "my boobs are sore too" or a "I am also a miserable pregnant lady" and everyone will be cool with you. Start out with "I hate you because..." and expect hugs and snuggles?  No. 

allthingscozy

@IB113 please go check out wte and then come back and tell us how great it is to have everyone post whatever they want because there is no order, no organization and because of that people's real questions get lost. A simple search in the randoms thread pulls things up very quickly. And you don't think it's odd that people who have never posted in here on the threads want to post a picture of their baby to complete strangers sorry but that is odd not cliquish. 

This has been the tone of the board and how it has been organized and run for the last 9 months. How do you now suddenly have an issue with you? 

MamaBish

I've used this UO in my last bmb, on the ttgp board, and other places, but here it is again:

I think if you don't like how things are, just try to be yourself and do whatever you want to try to make it better for you. Telling people they are doing it wrong or that you disagree with how things are done when it has been fairly well established will rarely (if ever) change it. Especially if it is done in a slightly aggressive manner. 

Be the change you wish to see.

LDSJM123

rnyland1 said:

@LDSJM123I got a lot of really good BFing info from kellymom.com and my old BMB last time....while being informed allowed me to quickly recognize that I had developed a severe breast infection, it didn't take away from how terrifying it was. The worst thing about mastitis is that you can't stop breastfeeding if you have it. You have to push through the immense pain until the infection clears or you could wind up with something worse, like an abscess. I remember crying through every feeding. @Serpica after my round of antibiotics I did not develop mastitis a second time. I would've definitely thrown in the towel after a second infection though.

I hope my original comment did not come off as directed towards you. If it did Im very sorry! Especially if seemed/felt offensive. To clarify, when I had my daughter, 10 years ago (!!!) online resources just were not as prevelent. So I personally went into breastfeeding beyond ignorant and so completely uninformed. So I have gained a lot of knowledge reading the personal stories posted here, along with doing my own research on the sites you've mentioned plus many others. So that's what my orginal comment meant. Hope this makes sense?! 

deuxbouledogues

MamaBish said:

Be the change you wish to see.

The fact you stuck in a Gandhi quote gives me life.  Ha! 


My UO is that I only give love tits to every poster on HDBD and birth announcements is because my OCD goes nuts otherwise... It's for me, not you.

MamaBish

Also:

allthingscozy

@MamaBish dying! Thanks for the much needed laugh! 

Kellyj103

@MamaBish you on fire today! Lol!!!

kellz14

@ESchreinerWrites I'm so happy your baby was born healthy after those continual scares!! Also I've found your recent posts to be helpful and insightful and am glad you joined us.