Can I ask a kinda rude question?

emilyn2012 · July 2016

But can we stop telling people they should post questions in other threads instead of creating new threads. I get it, if you're asking a question about the graco 4ever car seat, and then 2 days later someone else legitimately posts the same question, that's annoying, but if someone posts something kind of generic that you could put into a ticker change or randoms thread, I don't feel like they should be told to move that question there. I don't like randoms thread- my first bmb had one and I never could keep up and I found it very confusing. Not to mention, a lot of people don't use them so if you want to ask a question you might not get a large response. And plus also, I just read the terms of use again and there's nothing stating we NEED to use only the daily/weekly threads for things, which to be honest, I was starting to think was a new rule I'd missed somehow.

I don't mean to be a be-Yach starting drama I've just seen it a lot the last few days and it's getting under my skin.

emilyn2012 · July 2016

And yes I fully will take some flaming on this because I know some of you will disagree.

ceclarlinetlo · July 2016

I don't think this is rude. I don't have a strong preference either way.

emilyn2012 · July 2016

@ceclarlinetlo I just feel like it's kind of rude to the person asking the question to tell them they should have asked it somewhere else. I get it if someone starts a names thread and we already have a names thread that's got pages of responses, but other stuff it's just like give me a break!

ceclarlinetlo · July 2016

Whoops - I can see how what I wrote could be misinterpreted - I meant I don't think your question is rude (your post title says you are going to ask a kinda rude question), and that I would be fine with whatever the board majority wants for Randoms/individual threads. I think this is a legitimate board discussion - it had comes up several times recently.

Carly79 · July 2016

I agree with you. I had this happen to me and I feel like the response I got to my discussion was a lot better and sparked more discussion and involvement because it was not in the randoms post. I don't enjoy reading that discussion because I can't keep up with all the different things. I know it helps to keep a cleaner board and I think someone could say something to the effect of "there are some similar things in the random discussion if that interests you" but not tell you that it should be posted there. Thanks for saying something @emilyn2012.

mudderbear · July 2016

I literally never check the randoms thread. I assume things are just going to get missed a lot. I'd rather just have questions being posted on the board. I have wanted to ask a bunch of questions but didn't want my head taken off by people telling me to post in randoms or whatnot!

emilyn2012 · July 2016

So my legitimate argument for individual threads is that if you DO want to look back to see if we've talked about something like car seats, it's a lot easier if you don't have to dig through threads. I also think that sometimes while you could ask a question in a random/ask a 2nd time mom thread, it might get a greater response from its own thread. For example, I'm a second time mom but I don't go into the second time mom thread, so you wouldn't get my answer. Also, like someone just asked a question about a mamaroo and they were told to check with second time moms, wellllll but see, first time moms might actually know things too based on family who may have had them. So it just seems kinda like you're taking away the usefulness of a forum if everything needs to go into a generic weekly thread of sorts.

katesmama0706 · July 2016

I don't think anyone who says "hey this would be a good question for xyz thread" is trying to be rude or enforce some rule. Some people are super bugged by the "clutter" of having so many threads. I prefer having the multiple specific threads because sometimes things get buried and lost in the bigger threads but its come down to just disagreeing opinions on the best way to set up the group. Nothing wrong with those who prefer the bigger threads mentioning them in their responses, especially if there is a discussion that would answer that question going on in one of those threads.

adorebella · July 2016

Agreed! On my last bmb people just posted whatever wherever they wanted, there were no rules about needing to stay in a thread topic and it was great. I don't give a hoot about how "messy" the board looks. If I see a topic that's clearly something that's already been discussed or I'm not interested in then I don't open it.

emilyn2012 · July 2016

Yeah and I think to an extent you have to realize some things will get brought back up again. Like car seats, or breast pumps, it'd be GREAT to have only one thread ever created, but at some point someone's going to have a very specific question that they aren't going to want to have to post in a generic thread.

katesmama0706 · July 2016

Suggestion: maybe once the bmb is more established we can have a poll about individual threads vs major threads and put this to bed once and for all? @cjs260 thoughts as the semi unofficial bmb admin?

Carly79 · July 2016

Personally (I know you weren't asking me @katesmama0706), I think people do what they want and we need to be ok with it. If people feel they get more out of single threads they can post single threads, if they feel they get more out of major threads then those can continue. People who like the major threads can contribute and provide their knowledge to those and people who prefer looking at the subject of the thread to decide if they are going to read it can continue that way. I think if we try to limit it we risk alienating some wonderful ladies on both sides of the argument. Perhaps we leave it more to something that if you know something is also being discussed in a major thread or that there is a single thread with a lot of good info, you point that poster in that direction and it's up to the posted whether they read it.

ChaoticWolf · July 2016

Honestly, I absolutely HATE how messy this bmb is. When you go from a board like TTGP to a bmb, it's like chaos. That's why I, and several other TTGPer's that I know, lurk but don't really participate much here in J17. I'd much prefer it if we had weekly threads to tidy up the constant influx of similar questions. Maybe we could have a weekly "Baby Gear Questions" thread and a weekly "Weird Facts I Found Out About Birth/Postpartum" thread.

canavara · July 2016

Agree somewhat. Keeping up with the randoms thread can get really overwhelming if you take even a day off from The Bump. If I come back here and see "82 new" on a thread like that, it's just like:

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/0n/1p01upl5zqoi.gif

Kind of wonder if we should have more topic-specific megathreads that are actually pinned as announcements. Baby Names is such an obvious one.

karaelaine1991 · July 2016

Me personally, if a single thread bothers me enough that it's a single thread instead of in a grouped thread and I have a second to direct someone to where it belongs (which, let's face it, with a 13 month old, 90%of the time I will not), then I'm going to. I'll do it nicely but I'm still going to do it. If people decide to ignore me, fine. But I like organization and if the perfect answer to someone's question is in another thread, then yeah, I have no problem redirecting them.

ETA words mixup. Also I wouldn't redirect someone to randoms because you're totally right that things get lost there.

MrsRahl · July 2016

This board is so freaking slow, I don't know how anyone is truly bothered by the messiness. It's not even that messy! Lol. The bump back in 2014, we'll that was crazy town, and now it's ghost town, so I find this whole messy board thing quite funny. In the end, it's not enforceable for people to start their own threads now that there are bump employees so we can set all the "rules" we want, but people can and will still do what they want.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, I love random threads but not on to. If tb had sub comment sections it could work, but everything gets lost so easily if you're not stalking constantly.

emilyn2012 · July 2016

@MrsRahl I was on in n14 too, maybe that's why I think people are freaking out over nothing.

cjs260 · July 2016

Whoa, lol. Definitely don't consider myself as any type of board admin, haha. But for me... I normally send people in the direction of a post if there is a good one that fits, which accomplishes two things.
1) More likely that people will get responses. Some people don't open random threads, and if you look at those, they are less likely to have many responses. For instance, today, I posted on a thread that "This would be a great question for the Ask a STM thread." then gave my response. I posted that because they were asking a question that only STM could really answer, and that would give them the most exposure, as STMs (I feel) are on alert to when a question is posted on their thread.
2) Keeps board clutter down. If a random post can be better responded to somewhere else, then it allows for the random post to fall to the way side, and keep things that people are actively discussing near the top of the front page.

So... all of that to say. I don't think that people intend to be rude when they are pushing people to put a question in a particular thread.

However, what DOES drive me BSC is when we have 6 different threads about hair coloring, eating deli meat, or drinking coffee. The guidelines for this BMB (and all the past BMBs as that's where I stole the guidelines from) ask people to use the search bar. @emilyn2012 Your argument of people wanting to search through old post being easier this way would absolutely be true if people would use the search bar. The unfortunate truth is that few people do, so instead of searching for a past thread titled "Graco Car Seat" they'll just start a new one, which clutters the board and annoys the regulars. I've said it before and I'll say it again, by the time we get to month 9, we are going to be so tired of the same question being asked a million times. Heck, I'm already tired of some of these questions that could easily be answered by a quick google search. AND OF COURSE, there are going to be topics that are interesting that everyone wants to hop in on that are completely random, and it's wonderful that they have their own thread. It's really when it gets repetitive do the eye rolls come out. Also, another problem I personally have is that there are certain people on the board who do not participate in any other thread but start their own constantly. I may be in the minority here, but I feel like this is a community and that when you don't give but only ask to receive it is extremely rude. Like walking into a support group meeting every week and demanding that everyone let you give your testimony when you didn't show up to listen to anyone else's.

All in all, I want whatever the board wants, and I will gladly make a poll if that's what's warranted, and the winner will stand. However, I will continue to point people in the direction of another thread if I feel like they will get better/more answers to their question there.

TLDR: Use the search bar, if a question perfectly fits in another thread put it there, and give support to get support

sagoon · July 2016

I don't think your question is rude at all! There are no 'board-bosses', so we can really do whatever we want in terms of how we organize the board. We don't have to organize things the way other BMB's do, though stealing ideas from them is usually fun. Personally, I think this board is pretty slow, plus we are not totally innundated with repeat threads, so I don't really see a need for a ton of organizational threads. Having dedicated threads for major events (the ultrasound thread, a gender announcement thread, etc) is a good idea to prevent everyone from making their own 'it's a boy!' threads, but I don't think we need to micromanage every little thing. A fun mix of megathreads, daily or weekly threads, and individual threads seems like a healthy mix for the board.

hjmorgan-2 · July 2016

I agree to the point where I don't thing it's necessarily to tell someone "this would go better in the randoms thread/symptoms thread/etc,"-Bascially a generic thread. HOWEVER, if you are posting about morning sickness specifically, and we already have a morning sickness thread, yes, that does get a little crazy.

I agree with what @canavara, we may want to think about having more major threads that are pinned at the top. The obvious stuff.

Wholesome · July 2016

I've been trying to stay off of these threads to avoid the drama lama but this thread seems like it may be a safe space to say something so I'll drop my 2 pennies.

My last pregnancy, everything was an individual thread and I loved it; I jumped on threads that I thought I could relate to and ignored ones that I didn't.

There were people who asked the most annoying repetative questions sometimes but these people were usually directed to a previous thread on the subject, shown how to search, and then they deleted their post (or other members helped nicely anyway) -- sound familiar? These usually didn't stay at the top of the board because they didn't get much attention beyond that. I got to know other members well with this group approach because we were connecting on like-minded threads commonly.

If the big threads had subthreads, I'd totally be onboard but they get a little overwhelming and hard to follow. To me, having to scroll through pages of something that I don't relate to is more messy and less organized than scrolling past a thread headline that I don't relate to to find something I could connect with. I think some big threads are definitely helpful (I follow the PGAL board religiously) and still have their place but not as a general rule for most everything.

having said that, I'm fine with both but definitely prefer the old school method.

i can say, it's nice not seeing the startling thread questions on this board that I've seen before, like:
Can I lie about being pregnant and go on the roller coaster anyway? I think I'm pregnant, what do you think? I think I'm having contractions, should I call the doctor or just take Tylenol? I had sex with 2 different guys, who do you think is the father? I hate morning sickness, should I get an abortion? -- I've seen so much...

emilyn2012 · July 2016

@Wholesome I don't know, some of those really random threads like can I just let the baby sleep in a drawer were great for entertainment value of all the pissed off bumpers lol!

emilyn2012 · July 2016

Fwiw- I don't care if some people would choose to use a rambling general thread instead of specific threads but I just don't like people telling others to use them instead of how they already posted. I agree with @Wholesome , I used the bump differently when we had more very specific threads bc it was easier to peep in on something very specific

ElleMF728 · July 2016

I think another reason people re-direct is that it honestly can be helpful. If the question was already asked and has a lot of replies then there is a lot of information in that other thread that would be relevant. Not everyone is going to type out their reply three or four times and the OP could miss some advice that would be valuable to them.

Teach123 · July 2016

I agree that the board seems a little slow because everything is put in such a limited number of threads. I like specific threads and more of them. I think it's actually more useful to users and easier to follow topics you want.

cjs260 · July 2016

I think the idea of more specific threads sounds great! But if we do that, will it be okay to point people to those threads? Like I said before, intentions aren't rudeness, but I think that if those threads are there, then we should point to them when necessary. I guess my thought is, I like rules, I need rules, and I follow the rules. I know I can't expect others to do the same, but I don't want to repeatedly do things that are regarded as rude, when they are most definitely not meant to be.

BumpasaurusRex · July 2016

I agree that at times, it's a pain to sort through a long thread to find the information you're looking for.

But I believe the basic premise for keeping the boards more organized is so that when someone has a super important issue (i.e. loss, major life event, etc.), that it doesn't get lost amongst 17 threads relating to topics that have already been touched upon.

Granted, things come up and there are new users all the time. And as long as there aren't a bunch of random threads asking about symptoms on the first page, I'm fine with starting a new thread.

I try to approach this community the same way I'd approach a group of friends. If I knew we'd already talked about XYZ and they gave me input on it, it would be redundant and annoying if I kept asking them the same thing over and over.

Teach123 · July 2016

I think it's fine to refer people back to recent specific threads if they have a question on the exact same topic. Is there an easy way to put a link in the comment that will pull up the thread for them? That way it would direct them to the info.

lindaisy86 · July 2016

Thank you for posting this! I was literally thinking the same thing. The response of "there were some good responses to that question in such-and-such thread if you want to check them out" is totally helpful but I've seen a lot of snarkiness towards people that is not meant to be helpful. I'm with you, if you aren't interested in or are irritated by a particular thread, just keep on scrolling.

sweetyjenj · July 2016

I actually enjoy individual threads, because I look for titles for something interesting I'd be interested reading or want to respond to. I dont like the Randoms thread. Think about it...individual threads end up getting a lot of responses, like a lot, but a post in random thread may only get a handful. It is NOT nearly as messy as it used to be.
As a TTGP-er, this bugged me there, too. It was overly organized to the point where some people felt intimidated, or only lurked, or got flamed for posting a legit question.

Here's the thing...on boards like TTGP there's always new people coming and going, so you're GOING to have tons of repeat posts. But I don't see that here, since it's just us and newly pregnant women are going to their own board.

I LOVE individual threads.

scgirl6113 · July 2016

I love individual threads too! I hate how responses get so lost in the random threads. The only weekly threads I like are the ticker changes and the standard UOs and FFFCs etc

amaren-2 · July 2016

I am much more of a lurker, but I totally agree with this topic. I hate the weekly threads. I feel they move too fast and I don't have time to read them, nor do I really care half the time. So I ignore most of the weekly threads. I feel like the few times I have jumped in my post has immediately gotten lost and I gave up.

This is the first time on the bump and it is so strange to me. As a noob to the bump I thought the random threads were just for chit chat, I had no idea actual questions were being asked. My assumption was if there was a question you would ask it in a new thread, not to derail the conversation happening in the random thread.

Honestly these "rules" are a lot for such a slow forum. I would prefer specific topics so I can just look I ones that interest me.

karaelaine1991 · July 2016

To clarify my stance - because I'm agreeing with a lot of you who I'm realizing my original post probably made it seem like I disagreed with, if that makes any sense - I don't mind individual threads in general, provided it's a new topic. I agree that new individual threads keep the board interesting. And many of you are right in saying that things really aren't THAT messy now... but they probably will be later (more on that further down).

I also have no problem with the randoms thread because sometimes I have something I do want to say but it doesn't belong in an existing thread but I also don't think it's important enough to get its own thread. To me, that's what the randoms thread is for - clearly many of you are annoyed by it and I totally get why, but it does serve its purpose. I also recognize that while some new threads might seem pointless to me, they might seem important to someone else; hence why I'd never comment to say something belongs in the randoms thread.

However, as others have pointed out, especially down the road, people are going to come on here with questions that we have gone over many, many, many times before. Now, I think it's pointless to go on the redundant threads that they make and berate them for not knowing the "rules" because, let's face it, those people are not going to be community members in the sense that they'll participate and grow close with us - as I feel that I already am starting to do with some of you who I see posting on here frequently -; they're here to ask a question, have it answered, and be done. So what, exactly, is wrong with redirecting them to the appropriate thread rather than rehashing something we've been through already? For example, in my last BMB, we had an EXTREMELY extensive thread with what we planned to bring to the hospital. Like, it was a little ridiculous. So when random people came on and asked that same question, we'd redirect them, because that would give them way more than we could by trying to repeat our answers. I've never understood why some of those people would then get furious with us for honestly trying to help them the best way we could.

Anyway, those are my thoughts. Sorry for the book.

colleenkevin · July 2016

What @Wholesome said.

My last bmb was a super active board and this one seems slow in comparison, so I don't feel like there's clutter.

Renee1105 · July 2016

IMO, I much prefer individual threads. A board like TTGP that has 1,001 rules and specific threads is very intimidating and limits people from asking questions in fear of breaking the rules. When we have newborns we will not be worrying about posting in specific threads we will just want our questions answered.

Lecool · July 2016

I personally like rules, but that's probably because I was a reg on TTGP and got used to that board culture. I've been a little bit more of a lurker over here so far, but look forward to participating for the long haul.

I think that individual posts are fine, and it's helpful because then we can pick and choose which ones we're interested in reading through. But having multiple posts about individual symptoms when we have a specific symptoms thread doesn't make sense to me. It seems like things that fit into obvious threads (like the symptoms or announcement threads, for example) should go in an existing thread, and things that don't have an obvious fit could be their own posts, and the Randoms thread would be just that - random stuff that doesn't fit anywhere, but doesn't justify having it's own post. In other boards that I've participated it, Randoms was more just chit chat between the Bumpies.

Anyway, that's what makes sense in my brain. I'm sure one way or another we'll figure it out and find our groove.

Michellewfhs · July 2016

I never look at the Randoms threads because there's way too much going on. I think if someone wants to start a thread that is similar to another older one that people aren't looking at anymore, it's fine. If they post their similar question in the old one, chances are not many people are going to look at it or respond. Like others have said, if I see a thread I'm not interested in I just scroll on.

mrshuse525 · July 2016

@Lecool thank you for putting the words that were in my head down in paper LOL

I guess we need a little of both. I like the weekly threads but I also like individual threads as well. My last BMB had that and it was nice that I didn't have to keep searching through pages of multiple different topics in a randoms thread when I only wanted to read about one specific topic that got brought up in that thread, but could pick and choose what I thought was interesting and respond to it. It also kept the board active which was nice too. That being said, individual threads for things that obviously belong on an existing weekly thread should stay there and I think politely directing people to the information that is going to benefit them the most could be helpful. I think there is definitely a way to do that without it coming off as snarky or rude.

Knottie1443924966 · July 2016

Hey Ladies!!

I'm so happy that this post came up so we can all have our opinions heard

1. I love the individual threads I feel like it's more organized that way.

2. Love the search bar option.

3. I hardly ever read the randoms.. it's too much jumbled info..I get lost in that thread

4. The GKTY thread is not for me but I know some ladies like it so enjoy it

5. It makes me sad when I read the snarky comments bc I think omg these women are about to be mothers..are their children the ones that are likely to bully..

A good example is the first blump/bump I think that poor girl decided not to come back to the board after being attacked the way she was.

6. Lastly I'm happy you all are here. I am learning so much from you all and this board is very helpful. I'm also happy that it's a democratic board so why dont we place a poll to ensure that we have a clear picture of what the board wants

mommywesley · July 2016

I love the individual threads and I honestly think almost everyone is in agreement on this, it's just some are confused on "what the big deal is, there AREN'T 25 threads on Coffee?!" Then there is the other side who are thinking of the future and down the line when there WILL be 25 threads on coffee lol. So, I get it. I get everyone's point of view, I agree trying to have some structure EARLY will help later on, but I also agree that every question doesn't need to be in random stuff but can be it's own etc. I totally figured random thread was for "chitchat" like someone said, not for legit questions because as many said, ALOT of members don't even read the random thread so won't be able to give their answer.

Anyway, just what I've gleaned from everyone's comments, those that seem to be "against" it aren't actually against it per say, but against the chaos they feel it will inevitably lead to.

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